I handcoded our entire event website today. Well, the design was done by someone else, and I modified it – and emailed the webdevguy at my old work about five times to tell him that I was doing my site all in UPPER CASE and he could suck my cock. I wrote all the copy for our first magazine. I have the number of the manager of my favourite New Zealand Music group. Fuck I love my job. I even ate lunch at my desk today cos I was keen to get more work done.

We had nine people in our house last night – me and Seb, Megan, Jonny and Ting, Ammy and Darren, Bo and Leo and Allison and Louise, and yet it didn’t feel at all crowded. I HAVE MY BO BACK! Fuck I feel good today.

Shit man, it’s like the Bic Runga song – something good has come my way. And so maybe my heart is taking on retro stylings, but it don’t bug me at all. And sure, Seb pooed on my bed again this morning, but with every stroke I feel my blood pressure dropping. Oh and Louise just topped up my glass, what a gem.

Oh yeah, but I guess I should remember that there’s a mad man with his finger on the nuclear button. Well hey – I have flat feet, so the army won’t call me up.

So it’s Anniversary Weekend in Auckland right now, which means that I have the day off tomorrow, which means that i’ll probably spend a large chunk of the day rolling around in bed with Sebastian, and reading ‘The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay’, although unfortunately, I’m quickly running out of pages left. It’s a great fucking book, and it reminds me a lot of ‘Carter Beats the Devil’ which was also excellent.

When did I last update? My job is still bliss, I’m writing all the copy for the first issue and I’m rocking at it. Plus I have my first feature story on the go now as well. The whole office had brainstorming sessions on Friday morning, and then semi team building exercises that consisted of putting up our new tent, and then we were all taken out to lunch at the Mexican Cafe. Note to self: Mexican chilli oil is HOT, and is not at all like ordering thai or Indian as ‘Hot’. Oh no. This is the red liquid of death, so I was unable to finish my meal. But I was still overflowing anyways, and drunk off two coronas. Luckily, we had the afternoon off afterwards, so I went home, and was dazzed enough to let Megan talk me into going to the pet store with her, hence why I am now the loving mother to a tiny little kitten called Sebastian. He is so sweet! He is so gorgeous! He is going to be completly loved to death! Peter came over later to see the kitten and to hang out, and umm what else did I do? Probably polished off the last of the Anne’o Green Gables books I borrowed off Nikki. Is it totally wrong of me to be picturing Anne and Gilbert having sex? I guess so. How VULGAR of me. Heh. That’s KateH’s and Nikki’s and my new catchword.

On Saturday there were huge big thunderstorms and rain in the morning which made it perfect weather for reading and catcuddling in bed. KateH came over and joined us, and then Nikki rang so I invited her over for the evening. KateH left to go home for a nap as soon as Nikki showed up, bringing with her a couple of bottles of wine and a lot of beer. So she and I sat down to start drinking and talked our jaws off. KateH came back in time for the spinach soup and of course we all called each other vulgar a lot. Eventually we were sitting in the ballroom and KateH went to go change the tape (Ammy has her cd player with her in Welly) and she found an old “Sounds of Garland” tape, and so of course she put that on, and so of course we got up and shook our collective booty. Eventually Katie put on her suit and slunk out the back door for another function, and Nikki and I stayed up talking and drinking more til I had to tuck her up on the couch with a bucket at her side. That’s what friends are for.

In the morning’o today, Nikki went and picked up Kate from her house so she could pick up her car, and the two’o them helped me dump the big couch out on the back porch. Nikki also filled my car battery with distilled water, and apparently it might even work now, once I get someone to jump start me. Hmmm, i think Sebastian has mountainclimbing urges. He’s perched on my shoulder now, clawing at my hair. You go little kitty, you go. Oh, we also have a washing machine now, rented at $36 a month which is much cheaper and more convient than laundromat fees. Now I can think about getting a tv. Our house is totally a home now. Bop’s had her mail directed here and she’s coming up next week. I am filled with glad tidings.

In the best journalistic tradition, I spent today and yesterday (when I could actually log on at work) rewriting press releases. But then again, it is kinda PR cos it’s for our publications offering stuff. I think I’m rully rully going to love this job eh. I get to be creative, and I feel like I have my finger on the pulse, and all the ideas I’ve had so far have got the go ahead. YAY. I deserve good job karma.

Ammy came up to me tonight and put her arms around me and thanked me wholeheartedly for making this flat work, and that was just totally sweet of her, and it’s just really cool here and nice and stuff, and yay. Even if we still don’t have a tv (or washing machine) which meant I had to go to KateH’s last night ot watch SS. Not that that’s any hardship of course (well at least not for me). And then I met Ammy and Darren and Megan and James in town and saw LOTR again. I texted Tom right before it to say hi, but told him not to reply cos it’d make me vibrate. He replied a couple of hours later saying “Now if I can just time this to be at the same time that Aragorn opens the doors, won’t I be the man?”. He got the timing wrong but still, I appreciated the sentiment!

Mazzy thought that I would write about how she told me that she couldn’t come to my party but then showed up as a surprise in a “bear” mask, but she was wrong. My skin is peeling off in big chunks from everywhere – it looks particularly gross around my neck. I have too many boys on my mind right now and I can’t figure out which ones I’m using as an excuse not to fancy the other ones, and it’s driving me crazy, but not must-find-cash-for-Kalpana crazy. What else? We have a “staff development day” at work on Friday which means a talk, and then lunch at a bar, and then early home. Asskicking. Just as long as they don’t try to make me wear a polarfleece. My god but it’s hot in Auckland! And I have finally been bitten by mosquitos here. Oh well. Also I’ve made the disturbing discovery that Jonny plays the bagpipes. We’re planning on getting him to march up and down in front of the houses across the street playing them, since we figure that one of them must have called Noise Control on us.

Tomorrow I am doing a market survey on soft drinks. Crazy.

xojo

And now it is January the 6th, and that’s lucky cos it means I get to avoid telling you about the handjob I gave my friend that night. So skipping the rest’o New Years Eve, KateH arrived in Whakatane late on New Years Day, and Brad her and I spent the evening lounging around polishing off the rest’o everyone else’s beer adn reading magazines. It was lovely chill time. And then on the 2nd, when people got up, and I got to sleep by myself, instead’o with three snoring boys, one of whom stopped touching me as soon as he came, (selfish!), but anyways, that’s entirely beside the point. But I was bursting to tell someone, so I was very very very relieved when Tom finally got off his ass and rang me there so I could have a decent gossip. Wait, hang on, that was the night of the 1st. On the 2nd, Brad took us on his famous tour’o The’Tane, including wading on Ohope Beach, adn then the biggest icecreams in the world for $1.50 apiece. KateH and I had amusing conversation like; Me: “he kept looking down my top all night” – Kate: “well, what top were you wearing?” – Me: “yeah, but that’s not the point!”. I also made other rather crude remarks about her family. Sorry Katie, but I know you said bad shit about me that I just can’t remember. Blah blah blah. Later that night, we got three bottles of wine and went out to dinner where the service was TERRIBLE – “oh, we can’t take your order right now cos the kitchen is too busy with that big table” but the company was terrific and I managed to make both Brad and Kate’s jaws drop because I fucking HAD to spurt out my little story, because jesus, almost 48 hours? Do I LOOK like a mute to you? And then we had shakers at the Irish pub until this guy kept staring at Kate so we had to leave, adn went to the other bar in Whakatane, where this carnie approached us and kissed our hands and I was like “Dude, you know it’s not actually sunny any more outside eh” and KateH was like “are you wearing your sunnies on your head to keep back your hair?” cos he was totally going bald, and he started going on and on about were we vets, cos he hated vets, etc etc, and we were like “????”. And then he said to me “hey, nice tits” and I was like, “thanks, I grew them myself” ajnd that gave Kate the chance to go “oh, so you don’t like mine? Well you can just FUCK OFF THEN buddy” and she got rid of him, and she can pretend it’s because we wanted to get rid of him, but really, we all know that I have far nicer breasts than Katie, so ha ha ha. Ha.

The next day, Brad had to go back to work, so eventually, after I ahd to endure hours of “Aladdin and the King of Thieves” on TV waiting for Katie to come back from the radio station, Kate and I drove to Hamilton, via Burger King and Rotorua. She let me stop off to go wading somewhere along the way, but she wouldn’t let me get a float from Macdonalds, so instead I got total Passenger Arm instead, and screamed at roundabouts. And then Mazzy Star made us cokefloats in her new house in Hammy, so that was cool, and we went to Briscoes cos it was airconditioned and I didn’t buy any bed linen, and then I took the bus back up to auckland.

Then on the Saturday, me and Megan and Peter went out. Lumiere has yummy cocktails. Peter sucks at playing High-Low, unless your definition of it is taking 40 drinks to get across the cards. Megan is very amusing. Deschlers was shut at 2.30am and I nearly cried. Sunday was boring, and I put my bed together adn tried to sort out my room. Today I got to work at 10.30am, and (umm fuck, did I have a psuedoname for her?) the girl I work with and I had a rather lengthy lunch and then after work she came here and we demolished a couple of bottles of wine, gossiped and I cooked risotto for her and Peter. And so now that’s like, NOW. And I’m up to date. Kickass me. OH! And hi, have you sent me a package lately? because according to megan, there was an envelope in my letterbox for me one day when she went to work, and when she came home it was gone. Mystery! xojo.

And now it’s the 5th, and it’s SO FUCKING HOT that unpacking my boxes and sorting out my room and the prospect of putting my bed together is far too daunting, so I’m going to continue on with my dentist story instead. Where was I? Oh yes, because it was Xmas holidays, almost all dentists were on holiday, and the ones that weren’t couldn’t fit me in, so I rang up this one and he said I could come in and wait and he’d try to fit me in between patients, and so I said Okay and Mummy very kindly drove me in . The waiting room was jammed full, but after about an hour, they said I could go in. The dentist put sunglasses on me and looked in my mouth, and said that my gums were inflamed because my mouth wasn’t quite big enough for my wisdom teeth, and gave me the option of him prescribing me something to get rid of the infection and sending me away, or of taking the three remaining teeth out now, although that could be a little risky due to the already present infection. I asked him which would make the pain go away quicker, and he said operating now, so I said okay, and he injected me very painfully with painkiller. And then he said “right, well that will last for up to two hours, so go and sit in the waiting room while i see another patient”. Righto. That meant trying to explain to Mum what was going on with a numb mouth, but she finally understood, and said that she’d come back in an hour. Half an hour later, during which time I had sat reading Next magazines and trying not to drool on myself because of course, the lower half of my mouth was numb so I couldn’t manage my saliva properly, they called me in to the office. I tried to spit out the mouthfull of saliva that had accumulated, but I couldn’t control my lips enough to manage that. The dentist started prodding inside my mouth and asking me if it hurt, and I yelped and said yes, but then he touched my bottom lip and asked if I could feel it and I said no, and so he grabbed my top lip really really hard adn made me scream, so he said “I think we’ll judge how the pain relief has worked in proportion to the noises you make” and “since you can’t talk, either it’s working or you went out to the pub while you were waiting” so he poked some more and I declared as loudly as I could that it FUCKING HURT, but he ignored me and got started on ripping out my teeth. I screamed and screamed. He got his nurse to SHUT THE DOOR instead of giving me more pain killer. FUCKER. Oh I was so not impressed. And the noise! And the pain! OWWWWWWWWWWWWW. And then I had to wait another half hour for Mum to show up, bawling my eyes out in the waiting room from the pain and trauma of it all. It was not a fun time at all!  But Mum did tuck me up and read to me that night. I’d cried on Xmas Day (well actually, I cried about half a dozen times on Xmas Day) when she disclosed to me that the night before when I’d asked her to read to me and she said “You’re milkign this whole illness thing a little too much” what she actually meant was “I can’t be bothered walking downstairs and getting a book”. Yes, sure it sounds like I am completely pathetic. That is the point that I am trying to convey – how fucking patheticly sick I was. Thank you.  Anyways, because I was so sick and stuff, and cos I didn’t wanna risk being stopped by the police without a warrant or rego if I drove to The’Tane for New Years, Mummy very kindly changed my plane ticket which was supposed to be on the 29th up to Auckland to one on the 31st to Whakatane. Actually, that’s not strictly true – my flight on the 29th wasn’t exchangeable, so we just threw it away. How extravagent,and there’s children starving in Africa, I know.  Other things that I did in Welly besides be sick? I saw ‘The Two Towers’ at The Embassy, where it was made to be screened, adn it was WONDERFUL. MmmmmmmAragon. I hung out with Anji lots on her birthday, which was cool. I bought Mum and Neil dinner at an Indian restaurant for being so nice to me, even though Mum wouldn’t let me drink because as his final pain giving legacy, the evil dentist prescribed me antibiotics that the chemist warned Mum that I would get very sick on if I consumed alcohol with. EVIL MAN! I’m sure it was all a plan. And what else? That’s about it. I bumped into Si a couple of times on the street, but was too sick to make stick to plans to actually catch up with him properly. He has chrome holes in his ear that I poked my finger through though, so that was fun. I got frosty phone receptions. I slept a lot. I managed to not fight with my mother too much, because being ill meant that we could revert to the traditional Strong Mother/Weak Child roles that make everything so much easier to deal with.  And so then on the 31st, I flew up to Auckland, and got on a tiny little plane that was actually much more comfortable and roomy and flew to Whakatane. Brad picked me up from the airport (which looked like a 1970s house) and we went to the supermomarket for supplies and back to his house, where we were met by Justin and Nellie and Lovely Paul and Jarrod and his friend Stuart and Sarah. There was eating and drinking and talking and stuff, and then once we were all quite drunk, we took a taxi van over the hill to Ohope, where there is no cellphone coverage, and went to a scary carnie toga party where people were drinking beer through funnels and tubes so we left quite quickly adn went to a bach where Sarah’s sister was at. That party was much cooler.

Well well well. So now it’s the 4th of January, according to my computer clock, although my computer has just had 435 infected files wiped off it (even McAfee was infected) and $200 of repairing done, so I’m not entirely sure if I can trust it. Then again, it’s Saturday today, and I start back at work on Monday, which is the 6th, so I guess it must be right.

Right now I am waiting for the AA to come and jumpstart my car. Godbless one month grace periods when you’ve forgotten to pay for your membership. Once I have my car started, and assuming that I don’t have to take it for a long drive on the motorway, I am going to go and try to spend $200 upgrading my wardrobe for my new job, which I start on the 20th of January. I am very excited.

What other things are there that I should mention? Oh yeah, I guess I should talk about the past couple’o weeks. Well. I think when I last wrote I had just moved into my new house? Let me go check. Yes, that’s right. Then I had my work Xmas party, and a couple’o days later I flew down to Wellington. And got sick. So very very sick. I had huge big elephant testicles in my throat and a temperature of 38.5 when Mummy took me to the doctor on Christmas Eve. He took some blood to see if I had glandular fever because my neck was so swollen (“What about if I touch here?” “OWWWWWWWWWWWW”). I cried lots – not at the bloodtaking, but at the being so very fucking sick, and being unable to eat, or hardly drink, and unable to enjoy the company of the Hot German Girls (friends of Ammy’s) who I had found on the street and willingly taken in.

Christmas Day itself was pretty much a blur because I tried to sleep through most of it in order to get better and to also escape family strife. Needless to say, after suffering two hour traffic holdup on the way to Oma’s in Paraparaumu, as a family we pledged that next Christmas will be spent AT HOME and if any relies want to see us they can bloody well come to our house themselves. I got books books books, and stripey socks, and a ticket to the BDO, and money for a new cellphone (yay!) and ummm other stuff, all of which was very cool. But I couldn’t eat Xmas goodies, or drink or even eat chocolate mousse cos the liquor made my inflamed gums burn. OH THE HUMANITY! And while the penicillin made my throat get better, my gums got worse and worse, so finally I went to the dentist on the 27th of December.