Previously on Rockstar: Supernova Ryan gave the most awesomely egotistical goodbye speech, but it doesn’t get repeated.
Lukas says that he’s going to miss Ryan. Dilana says she wishes she hadn’t screwed up her song. Lukas says “you’re only human” which is fairly nice of him, since he’s not human, he’s a mole man, but naturally Dilanadramarama has to throw it back in his face and go “you did it on ‘Celebrity skin’”. Lukas isn’t happy about that at all, but as usual, Magni is there to break up the tension somewhat by pieing Toby. And so people throw their drinks in each other’s faces, Storm shakes up champagne to spray it around, and Lukas says that he needs to take off his jacket. Haha, you’re SO rock’n roll Lukas. Cos rockers care about their clothes. Oh wait, hang on, they don’t because they go jump in the pool in their clothes – except for Storm, who does a nudie. Awesome. And then Toby, sitting around topless, says “watch Lukas come down in a new tie and makeup” and indeed, we cut to Lukas reapplying his eyeliner.
They then get a new Supernova track to work with, which starts out like ‘Blind’ by Korn, and apparently it’s what they’ve all been waiting for, something dark and moody. And Toby interviews about how things seem to be working out for him quite well, and everyone on the interweb goes “yeah, we’ve been noticing that recently”. Dilana meanwhile struggles with songwriting, because hi, lotion and thong anyone?
Then we get some car pimping (honda ridgelines, everyone! And Gibson guitars! Just in case you didn’t know already) and now we’re going to get a songwriting clinic with Gilby. Because of course, he’s responsible for writing some of the best rock songs ever, like ‘Sweet Child’o Mine’. Oh no wait, hang on, that was Izzy. Silly me. Gilby interviews about how professional Storm is, and how she’s found the balance between getting the job done and having fun and it looks like they’re doing well, and having chemistry.
Magni meanwhile says he has a minority complex when it comes to writing English lyrics. Hehe, that’s so cute, a minority complex. I am so in love. Have I mentioned that lately? He says that basically 90% of rock’n roll lyrics have the same words and cliches. Gilby says he’s not sure if Magni is a creative musician. Umm, hi Gilby – have you even LISTENED to the crap that you guys have turned out so far? Hey hey hey, ho ho ho? Yeah yeah yeah? Yeah, exactly. Meanwhile apparently Lukas is very creative and doesn’t take the cliched route – so he’s obviously not right for Supernova. And Gilby’s pissed that Lukas only bothered with one verse and one chorus and thinks he can get away with that, and says “I believe he feels that this is his gig already” – which is what many of the internets already believe.
Gilby uses the word ‘cliche’ a thousand times more while talking to Toby, and says that he has a young energy that they need. Because they’re all a good twenty years older than him? Yeah. And he praises Toby some more and thinks he’s been listening to the whole package. And then he says he was curious to see what Dilana would have come up with, because they’re not sure where her writing is at. Well, apparently her writing is at the stage of calling the song ‘Metamorphisis lizard skin’. Riiiiiiight. That rolls off the tongue. And all the lyrics are ‘from the heart’. As oppposed to from her ass. And apparently “it’s about people on the internet who vote for us, you know, the fans, basically it’s a screw you kind of song”. And Gilby calls it a cliche. Hey Gilby, I have a Mr Kettle on the line for you. Hahahhaa Dilana wants to put in a chorus about “control alt delete”. That is so unbelievably bad it’s almost awesome. And she interviews saying that she didn’t know that there’d be a song-writing aspect to this gig, that she was there to be the singer. Aha! So it’s what we suspected all along. And that totally means Dilana is out, from the way they’ve cut it. It’s not a redemption arc at all.
Song selection! There’s five songs, and also everyone will be singing an original as well. Dilana pretends that she’s happy about that. They’re getting ‘sets’ which means they have to talk to the audience in between songs. Everyone wants ‘Behind Blue Eyes’. I suspect Dilana only knows the Limp Bizkit version. Because I hate her. And because I hate Fred Durst. And therefore they go well together. Of course, no one is ever going to look as hot singing that song as Giles in ‘Where the wild things are’ (yeah I know you probably won’t remember him doing it because you would have poked out your eyes at the amount that Buffy and Riley were humping in that episode). Magni gets Lukas to take ‘Living on a prayer’ by saying that he thinks it’d rock, and I think Magni actually means it, as opposed to when Dilana got him to do ‘Creep’ cos she thought he’d fuck it up.
Storm’s original song is called ‘What the fuck is ladylike?’, but she’ll be calling it just ‘Ladylike’. And interviews that she’s lost herself in the past couple of weeks trying to show a little bit too much flesh. Now I’ve seen a video of her singing it on youtube, and it’s a fucking rad song.
HAHAHAHAHAHA Dilana tells Paul that she only knows the song from the Limp Bizkit version, and I cheer because I was right. And Paul is piiiiiiiiiiiiissed off about it because she’s changing it up in ignorance. Awww Paul, your posts on TWOP were so gracious, if I had a chance I would punch her for you. She says she’s going to win back her fans, because she has to. She needs them and they need her. Umm, I don’t think that they do actually. Nor do Supernova. But we’ll see…
And then they show the rockers skipping, and Lukas’s pants fall down. Hahah. And Magni falls over. Awww.
So it’s performance night, and Supernova have been soaking in orange juice – or at least Gilby and T’Lee have, right? Or is it my tv? Everyone just looks so fucking orange these days. Maybe that’s a sign that I shouldn’t be watching The Apprentice. Brooke also announces that Ryan is at the top of the MSN download charts, so already his goodbye speech has come true. Shame I don’t think he’ll be getting any money for it but…
Dilana apparently ripped a calf muscle during rehersal (what? You mean they practice their stage shows?) so a big burly man carries her on stage to a stool. I think they should have got Storm to carry her again, that would have been awesome. She’s singing ‘Behind Blue Eyes’ and while the clips don’t show her saying she only knows the Limp Bizkit version, they do show Paul saying she hadn’t even heard parts of the song, and this is where I must put up my hand and admit that part of what she was singing sounded totally unfamiliar to me. But that must be because she sang it so crappy, right? Right. Anyway, when Dilana sees that clip, she gets VERY VERY ANGRY and it looks very much like she’s hexing Paul right then and there. Despite being stuck on a stool, she tries to rock out and Jim takes pity on her and comes up and riffs beside her. Don’t you dare touch my Jim, bitch. In her little talk she says her original is about “all this stuff that’s been happening to me lately” and I scream at the TV “ALL THIS STUFF THAT YOU HAVE BEEN DOING TO YOURSELF LATELY, TAKE SOME FUCKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS!” and Bart and Smoo look at me strangely. And when she sings her original which is called ‘Supersoul’ she gets up and hops to the end of the stage and jumps up and down on one foot. Oh she’s so rock and roll. Or not. Supernova are nowhere near as mean to her as they should be. As one TWOP poster puts it “this whole Emancipation of DiDi thing has gotten old”.
Magni does ‘Back in the USSR’ and as much as I hate to say it, it’s kind of boring. But I blame the song, not him. And his original, which he says he hurriedly translated from Icelandic is called ‘Your time will come’. Beat THAT, other Supernovices. Lukas didn’t bother to take the time to translate his song from whatever language it is that he sings. But we’ll get to that later. Tom says that “Whereas Magni’s song was like if Scott Stapp and Ed Kowalcyk made
friends” and much as I hate to compare my darling to those people, he could be right. Except that I’d take out Scott Stapp and add in Disturbed. Which doesn’t make it much better. But you can tell the houseband love him (and I’m happy that people have been giving shoutouts to the houseband so much this episode) because Sasha does a big waterspraying fountain for him. Someone take Sasha out of that jacket too please. He looks like a hired heavy. Supernova tell him that’s the most angry they’ve seen him, but Dave asks why both the performances were the same. Magni says “Well Dave, they were the same because I was singing them both” and all is forgiven as I flood my panties. Oh the cheeky deadpan, how you turn me on.
Storm’s wearing a buttoned up coat to sing ‘Sufferagette City’ which makes me happy cos I know she’ll be taking it off soon. Dave’s all “hey dude, I love that song man, can I play with you?” in a bid to appease all the people who hate on him in his blog for hating on her all the time. And they play together, and it’s pretty good, but then Storm takes off her coat and frees her Magni-ficent boobage, and annouces that she’s going to be singing ‘What the what is ladylike?’. Oh maaaaaaan, fuck the motherfucking censors. FUCK YOU. It’s WHAT THE FUCK IS LADYLIKE. FUCK! Okay, I feel better now. This song kicks some serious fucking ass, and if it came out as a single, I would buy it in a second. T’Lee has come in his pants about a thousand times and now everyone in a ten foot diameter around him also has syphillis. Dave tells her that he’s been up on stage with some of the greatest front people ever (really? He’s played with Robbie Williams?) and that playing with her (heh) felt like being up there with them again, and then he says that her original was the best original he’s heard in both seasons. That means it’s better than not only ‘Pretty Vegas’, and ‘Trees’ but also ‘Stop/Go’ and ‘bring your lotion and your thong’. Way to go Storm! I think her and I in my blonde wig would make a totally hot couple. You know, just if she’s reading this.
Oh, and another TWOP comment I really really really must repeat because it’s a Weddon line – “After the song, she kissed Brooke full on the lips. Using a parabolic mike, I was able to hear what TLee said to Gilby right after when the camera went to them. TLee said, ?I?ll be in my bunk.?” HEHEHEHEH. Oh that makes me so happy.
In case we didn’t realise that Lukas was emo, he’s wearing a stripey shirt (the fact that I’m wearing a stripey shirt today is well beside the point), a vest with a skull & crossbones on it (the fact that last night when I watched the show I was wearing my pink with skull & crossbones pjs is well beside the point as well) and he’s spent two hours striping his hair and combing it in front of his face (My side fringe and the two boxes of purple and blueblack hairdye that I have at home waiting for me to finish with job hunting are also well beside the point). I feel like my mother because I really want to get that fucking hair out of his eyes. He does a strumy solo electric version of ‘Living on a prayer’ slowed down, and I’m like fuuuuuuuuck I wish Magni was singing it, because I dig on the arrangement, but I can’t take his growly shouty enunciation. Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to sing with your mouth full, Lukas? And the same’s true for his original, which is called ‘Headspin’ and he says it’s about his mother having a hard time growing up (or something like that, I don’t speak French Canadian eh, and yes, I know he’s not French). The chorus is totally lighters-out anthemic, and I think I’d like it – if only Magni was singing it. (EDIT: I found it on myspace and it sounds much cleaner and I really like it). Predictably Supernova love it, and Gilby says that Lukas inspires him. Inspires him to obsess over his hair, according to the forums, who counted Gilby touching his hair 15 times in the eight minutes he was on camera in the reality episode, and one poster said that her roommate went to a taping and that Gilby got his hair fluffed (heh) in every break. Because you need to know these things. I’ve gone off Gilby since he’s become so orange. Plus, he’s wearing a jacket. Put him back in a tshirt and a cuff and we’ll talk. Oh and Dave and Gilby banter about how waving a cellphone around is the new lighter, and it makes me giggle.
I should mention here that all the rockers have been rocking out (haha) to each other’s songs – except of course for Dilana Dilana Dilana who looks PISSED OFF that others are doing well. I’m sure she might just be in a tremendous amount of pain, but meh. I’m a bit worried about her, I hope they’ve got her a psychiatrist to talk to because she’s crashing and burning so hard. And I must quote another TWOP poster:
“I cracked up when Dave told Dilana that her leg injury didn’t show in her voice.
The shin bone is connected to the
The calf muscle is connected to the
Someone who’s been slowburning, meanwhile, is Toby. His ‘Mr Brightside’ is nothing special (remember Marty doing it accoustically?) but his original is very very clever, full of “oh oh oh” choruses. It sounds pretty much like Supernova’s stuff so far, and that’s very telling. Rafeal does a big guitar solo in it, and I crack up thinking about the bit in School of Rock when Jack Black’s all “I’m going to take a solo here, you can take one later”. Girls in the audience have written ‘EVS’ on their hands, and Dave says it’s not just a Melbourne thing anymore, it’s a worldwide phenomenon. Umm Dave, we’ve talked about this before, and remember, it should be attributed to Jessie, not Toby. Sheesh.
But Toby’s quite clearly demonstrated he would be the best man for the job and the initial ranked voting results show this too, with him in front, followed in order by Lukas, Magni, Storm, and Dilana. Does this mean Dilana’s going home? It looks like she’s going to have to pull out something truly amazing to save herself, otherwise her lack of songwriting skills (that Supernova so desperately need) might send her home, because her alienation of her fanbase isn’t going to do her any favours.
Wait a second. Stop everything. Storm’s myspace profile say that Storm and the Balls are “Metal / Jazz / Christian Rap” CHRISTIAN RAP? I want my three votes back, bitch!
First up, I must confess that I spent much of yesterday hunting down both Lukas and Storm on myspace and listening to their originals on repeat. Yes that’s right, I just said that I listened to a Lukas song on repeat. And I’m okay with that. I’d still love to hear Magni sing ‘Headspin’, but the recorded version is much clearer, and I’m a sucker for the power ballad.
So let’s move on to last night’s reality show. Dave says to Brooke “let me be the first to congratulate you on your pregnancy” because apparently she hasn’t got a doctor. Or a partner. Or friends and family. And T’Lee is overjoyed to hear she’s having a girl because what’s hotter than a fetus? Pretty much nothing.
It’s Magni’s turn to play with Supernova, and he manages to pad out their sound a bit playing the guitar, but Gilby refuses to interact with him on stage. This may be because Gilby’s a dick, but is probably also due to a lack of rehersal time with Tommy being off playing with Motley Crue on the Aerosmith tour. Huh? I thought he couldn’t stand Vince anymore. I suppose all that fake tan must be expensive. Apparently Magni fucks up the lyrics a bit, and has them taped to the ground in front of him, but I don’t notice.
Toby’s original got the encore, because it was the song that sounded the most like Supernova. You could say it was as catchy as fuck, but you can also say that about syphillis. And I’m sure Tommy has. And he dedicated it to the Crocodile Hunter. What? Oh yeah that’s right, got to play up that Aussie thing. I was listening to Marty Casey on my iPod this morning (more on that later, no doubt) because Anji emailed me yesterday to say “I knew you’d prefer Marty’s version of ‘Mr Brightside’”, and the thing is that Toby sang the words, but Marty expressed them. Yeah. But wahoo, Toby wins a fuckoff big gas guzzler. How’s he going to get that back to Aus? Drive it on the bottom of the ocean?
Everyone was in the bottom three at some point. Apparently in Iceland Magni’s buddies have set up a tent with a wireless connection that everyone can take their laptops to and spend all four hours voting for him. That is so awesome. I wish I was in Iceland. And that I had my laptop back from the shop (which reminds me, I really must call them). And that my laptop had a wireless card in it. I know that I’m voting for Magni because I know he won’t “win”, and I’m glad about that because I don’t see it as a prize, but because I want to see as much of him as I possibly can. Same with Storm. And if by see as much of them as I possibly can I might mean “naked”, well that doesn’t make me T’Lee does it? Please?
However. Storm is first in the bottom three, and according to spoiler forums, she says something along the lines of “I’ve been singing what I thought you wnated to hear all along but now I’m going to sing something for someone else”, and she dedicates it to her (dead) mother. She sings ‘Wish you were here’ and while it’s not quite as moving as the Marty Casey version (although it’s more true to the original without the chorus and with the synths) it’s powerful, and real, and she’s crying, adn then HOLY FUCKING SHIT, Mr Super Tough JASON MOTHERFUCKING NEWSTEAD IS CRYING, and then I cry some more and Smoo mocks me so when he leaves the room I rewind the tape and watch it again. And now I’m going to watch the clip of it again.
When she says she’s doing Cheap Trick, I pray Dilana isn’t doing ‘The Flame’ because I love that song, and I hate her. She has decorated her crutches, but in being in the bottom three she still manages to do high kicks as she slaughters (in the bad way, not the good way) ‘I want you to want me’. And of course, in her very literal way, she says this is for her fans. You just know that Dilana’s the kind of person who would go “Oh man, I was so tired last night I was literally dead”. And what do we think of people like that? That’s right, we hates them, my precious. And yet Supernova are like woo. Whatever. Jason isn’t. He’s my favourite now.
The Rossi Posse fails and Lukas ends up in the bottom three for the first time and decides to give himself an encore, which is fine by me because ‘Headspin’ is my new guilty pleasure. But ‘What the fuck is ladylike?’ is a much stronger more empowering song. Did I really say that? Yes I did, and I’m happy with that. I read a great essay by Storm about her decision to get breast implants because she used to be fat with no tits, and basically, there is nothing she can do wrong.
Except, according to Gilby, she’s not allowed to be in the bottom two times in a row. Apparently that’s many, but Dilana’s twice in the bottom two isn’t. Fuck you Gilby, you can wear a tshirt and a cuff all you like, but I no longer find you hot. A rumour on the TWOP boards is that Magni is Gilby’s wife’s favourite because she’s insecure about Storm and also about the groupies that Lukas and Toby would bring to the band (And I am a little bit in love with Toby for saying “in ten years girls, when they scream). And that might explain the Jill grindage thing being so so wrong. Apart from just the fact that ewww, it was disgusting anyway. T’Lee is so upset that he makes Jason do the cut, and of course it’s Storm. Everyone but Gilby jumps up straight away to say that they’d love to record her original with her, and I’m like hell yeah, that’s the way it oughta be, them jumping through hoops for her. And then I cried again. And watching her really really gracious goodbye speech on the website makes me tear up again. Bye Storm, you were awesome. And according to my latest measurements at the gym, I’ve lost six cm on my thighs, and as soon as I can crack walnuts with them, I’m coming for you and we’re going to rule the world.