Hubris.co.nz

Guest post from Mazzy, because here is a better place for it than on her family site.

I am enraged by a Campbell Live article I caught the end of tonight, featuring Dr Makary and his ‘Time for a change’ campaign to change our culture around alcohol.

Putting aside the whole alcohol culture discussion, which I actually agree needs a shake up, I cannot believe what I heard in this story (which you can watch on the TV3 on demand site). The message that came through loud and clear was if a girl drinks then it’s her fault she gets sexually assaulted or raped. I mean, she put herself in that position. If only she didn’t like sex and didn’t drink – then this wouldn’t happen! The story title by the way is ‘Is alcohol ruining how young people interact?’ Watch it and see for yourself.

For those who can’t watch it, what I write below is in chronological order from the item where they talk about girls drinking in NZ. It’s slightly paraphrased but not by much. Most of it is word for word:

• NZ is the only country in the world where women are more promiscuous than men according to a 2007 Durex study.
• It’s cause and effect. You lose your inhibitions because you want to have sex and you have sex because you lose your inhibitions. And that’s putting young women at grave risk.

They then give an example of a school student who was drunk and comatose at a school party in the Coromandel. She was sexually assaulted and the sex act was filmed and passed around by students’ cell phones.

Actual quote directly following this example: “Once a girl puts herself into this position it’s very difficult to defend her and it’s very difficult for her not to compromise her safety and the rest of her life.”

Really? Really?

So first of all, women liking sex is a problem. We’re the only country where women are more promiscuous than men. Something must be wrong! It must be because we drink. Drinking makes us promiscuous and therefore promiscuity makes us drink…because then it’s easier to have more sex! and by wanting sex and getting drunk, we’re the ones who are putting ourselves at risk of rape and assault. It’s our fault. If only we weren’t so damn horny and intoxicated.

Do you hear the angry sarcasm in my voice right now?

The example and that quote were the last straw. Last time I checked, being drunk and comatose was not consent to engage in any kind of sexual activity. That student had every right to be drunk and vulnerable and safe. She was at a school party. She was probably with friends. Her only regret should have been a terrible hangover the next morning. By getting drunk she did not suddenly become open to sex with anyone, and she didn’t ask for those non-consensual sexual acts to be filmed and distributed.

The people who put her in grave risk, the only ones who compromised her safety and the rest of her life, were those who sexually assaulted her and the ones who filmed it and passed it on. They are the ones whose behaviour needs public derision and to be made an example of. They are the ones who should be held up as an example of what is wrong with our culture.

Were the people who did this to her mentioned at all as part of the problem? No. They were not.

I hope against hope the victim in that example didn’t see Campbell Live tonight and that she never becomes aware of how her ordeal was used as an example of how women are responsible for getting themselves assaulted. Imagine the grief and trauma she is already dealing with – then add this on top of it.

Now multiply that by the thousands of women who have been through something similar and think about how that message made them feel. Their fault. Not their attackers’ fault. Theirs. Because they had the gall to get drunk or enjoy sex or think they were safe.

Imagine that.

Not that long ago, the London Time Out ran a feature on pirates in London to celebrate the release of Pirates of the Caribbean 2. Way to be hip, Time Out. Everyone who’s anyone knows that the actual most important movie this year is Snakes on Plane – or as some like to call it “Motherfucking snakes on a motherfucking plane”. So, in tribute to this movie that opens on Thursday, the Wellingtonista is proud to present this very special activity guide to recreating snakes on a plane in Wellington:

Snakes

An obvious place to start looking for snakes would be the Wellington Zoo. But a look at their FAQ turns up this tidbit:
“Laws set by the Ministry of Agriculture and Forests (MAF) and the Department of Conservation (DOC) state that snakes cannot be imported in to New Zealand.”
Well that’s all very good and well, MAF, but what about the snakes that make it over here on the planes? Where are they going to go huh?

The Wellington zoo does have a reptile collection, so maybe you could get your cold-blooded fix there, since you’re not going to be seeing the tuatara all that often anymore otherwise.

So since there are no real snakes available in New Zealand (apparently!), a trip to the Met Shop on Swan Lane off Cuba St might be in order. Surely there will be toy snakes to be found here. Otherwise a trip to any dairy or supermarket should turn up some sour snakes – and also some jet planes.

Planes

Now that you have your snakes, it’s time to go and find a plane. You have three options here. The first is the most logical – you head to the airport. Park at the end of the runway out by Moa Point, climb onto your car bonnet ala Wayne’s World, and wait for a plane to come in. Hold up your snake in front of your eyes, and there you have it. Snakes on a Plane. It lives up to the hype, right?

Or head to a toy shop, or perhaps a model store and buy yourself a little plane. Put your snake on the plane. You are now a part of a cultural phenomenon.

Finally, if all else fails, get fish cakes with snake beans takeout from Chow and head out of town to the Horowhenua Plains. Aren’t you punny?

Much in the same way that every day is Earth Day, New Zealand music is still a great and happening thing even when it?s not New Zealand Music Month. Here in no particular order (but please do feel free to cry foul and argue with your friends) are the top moments in New Zealand Music that happened between now and the last music month:

1. Channel Z, a long time supporter of New Zealand music with its 30% self imposed quota breathed its last gasp (even if according to the ratings no one was listening). All was not lost for, like a flightless nocturnal phoenix, Kiwi FM rose from its ashes, playing all NZ, all the time. Yay.

2. Because the New Zealand music scene was all too much of a love in (Betchadupa’s comments about Dimmer being “Like Marvin Gaye without the Marvin” aside), Scribe’s posse decided to keep it real by giving a bFM exec Phil Armstrong the bash at an industry Christmas Party. Some NZ hip hop artists rap in American accents because it’s official: Grey Lynn is the new Compton.

3. The Straitjacket Fits announced a reformation tour. There’s no verdict yet as to whether or not Andrew Brough will be joining the lineup, or if Miranda Harcourt will be lingering at the side of the stage to hear ‘She Speeds’ which, rumour has it, is about her

4. NZ Idol was the top rated TV show of 2004, with 24% of everyone over the age of five tuning in. Karaoke has never been so popular.

5. John Psathas composed the music for the Olympic Opening ceremony, heard by millions ? if not billions ? around the world. Unfortunately athletes got a lot more attention, funding and Macdonald’s contracts, but his work is no less impressive.

6. Helen Clarke said that it would be inappropriate for Aussie mullet-crooner John Farnham to play at Anzac Cove commemorations. Luckily the situation wasn’t reversed because if John Howard had said no to our Dobbo we’d have to go to war. There’s a joke in here somewhere about Tall Poppy Syndrome, but Pulp will not be making it.

7. Pluto finally released their second album, Pipeline Under the Ocean, and it’s bloody excellent. While Pluto had to battle their old record label at least they managed to escape Second-Album-Syndrome whereby if a band manages to stay together long enough to put out a second album it is generally crap.

8. Wellington’s favourite sons became Shihad again. Forget that Pacifier crap, we’ve got our boys back again.

9. Steriogram got to work with Michel Gondry on the video for their song ‘Walkie Talkie Man’ and the result was nominated for a Grammy for ‘Best Video’. There are some great music videos being made right here in NZ, and on a fraction of the budget, but Gondry’s work is up there amongst the Greatest Videos Ever Made, so that’s very cool. Steriogram also were chosen for an iPod ad in the U.K, which is a well known pathway to success.

10. Lots of New Zealand artists did a lot of charity work. The Asian Tsunami was a popular cause, with a range of gig held to raise funds. Meanwhile The Breast Cancer Research Trust proved it has a sense of humour when choices for a fundraising CD included Stellar*’s ‘Part of Me’ and Bic Runga’s ‘Precious Things’. Pulp is quite glad they didn’t stoop to Strawpeople’s ‘Trick with a Knife’ or Dave Dobbyn’s ‘Slice of Heaven’.

11. A little known movie called Return of the King helped Fran Walsh win a Grammy for Best Song from a Motion Picture? because LOTR hadn’t really done very well in the prize stakes until then…

12. After having been floating around in the charts for over a year, Goldenhorse’s Riverhead finally reached the number one position, in a year positively bulging with NZ music chart successes.

13. The top selling single of 2004 was by Ben Lummis, while the top selling album was by Brooke Fraser.

14. Comedic Folk Duo Flight of the Concords (Black Seeds’ Bret McKenzie and Humourbeasts’ Jemaine Clement) were signed to NBC in the US to develop their own television show, which will still include their trademark musical numbers. Are they destined to be the next Seinfeld? And what would Figwit do?

15. Q: How many NZ hip hop artists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Not many, if any. In part influenced by just how much that phrase has entered our lexicon, Scribe won the APRA Silver Scroll for songwriting. Hilarious sub editors everywhere are eternally grateful.

16. After being scorned for so long and yet still managing to put out a critically acclaimed first album, The Phoenix Foundation finally managed to get some funding from NZOA for their video ‘Damn The River’ and for their upcoming new album.

17. The Dawnraid Allstars demonstrated that it IS possible to make some money as a musician in New Zealand ? as long as you don?t mind selling something or ‘hooking up’.

18. New Zealand musicians started taking public transport. Remember the days when every video featured the band riding in a car? Now Britomart is the backdrop of choice.

19. Evermore made it big in Australia. Wouldn’t it be nice if artists didn’t have to make it somewhere else before they got attention here?

20. The bands played for free, NZ on Air gave a cool half million and while TVNZ won’t disclose how much it spent, 24 hours of airtime could not have come cheap. The National Anthem ? 24 hours of live New Zealand music, which ranged from the sublime to the asinine raised an underwhelming $148k for the Play It Strange Foundation. Meanwhile, TV2 canceled Squeeze.

Top Five Non Music Moments in NZ Idol
1. Wardrobe malfunctions: the surplus chains, pink ribbons, gold lame jacket on Big Dave, the bird poo, the granny curtains?
2. Ben and Sela announce their engagement. Are they NZ’s Kurt & Courtney?
3. Paul Ellis stuffs up big time when Michael Murphy?s first single is exposed via the Internet as being a cover.
4. The Filipo Family Scandal. Are they NZ’s Gottis?
5. ‘Preformance’ entered our lexicon, thanks to the Dominator’s constant mispronunciation.

NZ Music in the The 2004 Rianz Charts

Singles:
1. ‘They Can?t Take That Away’ ? Ben Lummis
4. ‘Fools Love’ ? Misfits of Science
6. ‘We Gon Ride’ ? Dei Hamo
12. ‘Stop The Music’ – P Money feat. Scribe
13. ‘So Damn Beautiful’ ? Michael Murphy
14. ‘Dreaming’ ? Scribe
17. ‘I Got’ ? Fast Crew
20. ‘Yesterday Was Just the Beginning’ ? NZ Idol The Final Ten

Albums:

1. What To Do With Daylight ? Brooke Fraiser
7. Pure – Hayley Westenra
8. Everyone is Here ? The Finn Brothers
9. Riverhead ? Goldenhorse
11. The Crusader ? Scribe
13. Into The West ? Yulia
19. Beautiful Collision ? Bic Runga.

Pulp 2005

In honour of everyone at my work now knowing about my journal (dammit, although given that I’m number one on Google I always sort of expected this), here’s what I told the journalist via email.

Hi Danielle,

Please find below answers to your questions – I’m sure I will talk at
length, but if I haven’t explained myself very well at any stage,
please let me know.

There may be a lot of questions but please note, that most are just to help me set you up in my mind and provide background. I would also need to know your full name, age, occupation and where you live. That’s to provide background to the reader, and helps to introduce you into the article.

My full name is Joanna Tiare McLeod, and online I am known as Jo,
Joanna and Jo Hubris (there was another girl for a long time who moved
in the same circles called Joanna, and so we were differentiated from
each other by our domain names – she was Jo Starla. She doesn’t exist
any more though). I am 26 years old, I work doing communications for a
government agency (I work for * which is part of the ministry of
*, but I’d rather not specify if that’s okay – it keeps
things a little simpler with our incredibly long Code of Conduct), and
I’ve had an online journal for the past eight and a bit years.

SO what I want to ask is first, WHY the online journal?

An online journal to me is the virtual equivalent of a piece of paper and a pen – it’s about writing about yourself and being inward-looking. Blogs meanwhile are more outward-looking – too often they come across like “here’s a link and it’s funny” and that’s about the extent of their content. I’m not interested in doing that. I write because I would like to think that I am pretty good at stringing words together, and because I like to tell stories. A blog is usually about one particular subject, like politics or food or architecture (or at
least the good ones are), wheras online journals are a record of one person’s existence.

When I started my website in 1997, the word ‘blog’ didn’t exist. Back then as well as walking five miles to school barefoot in the snow, most web pages were done either in special programmes or hand-coded in HTML, and then uploaded onto the internet. There was none of this fill in a box and click tomfoolery that there is now, so people who had webpages had to be more dedicated and in to what they were doing than people who use things like blogger and myspace these days. I think in a way that meant content was a lot better. As a whole, people put more thought into it, and because it was so much more effort to get things
online, people were more likely to stick with it. This will sound incredibly stuck up, and please be aware that I am mocking myself here, but when blogging came along, and the media jumped all over it, it was kind of like I’d been doing all these great complex oil paintings and then all of a sudden people were like “woah, check out these awesome paint-by-numbers kits that people are doing!”.

I know a couple of people from New Zealand like Robyn from secret-passage.com and Annette (who’s now at nutandbee.com) and we were all doing the online journal and heavy content thing back in 1998 when there was like no one else in NZ doing it, and so we like to call ourselves the tangata whenua of the interweb. I can’t help but feel like I should get special recognition for doing it for so long. Man I got shitty when Bizgirl won a netguide award when SHE’S NOT EVEN REAL. Well, not that shitty, because James Guthrie is a friend of mine, but still…

What do you get out of it?

There used to be a lot of people who would write disclaimers on their pages things like “I keep this journal for me, and me only so if you don’t like it you can go away”, but that always struck me as being kind of silly, because if you didn’t want someone to read what you were writing, why would you put it out in the public forum? For me, I love having the audience. I think it pushes me to try to write better, to try and include more interesting stories and therefore even a little bit to try and live a more interesting life so that I have more
interesting things to write about. Knowing that I have an expecting
public (haha, oh, that sounds so wanky) gives me good motivation to
make sure that I continue to update my site, rather than just let it
slide like so many other projects I start without finishing. Hubris
serves as a useful place to let out my feelings when I am angry about
things, a platform for my opinions when I want other people to hear me
and also a place to build a sense of community in a way, so that if
there are ever people who find themselves going through things that I
have been through who come across the site might not feel so alone.
Which sounds very altruistic, but there’s something very cathartic
about writing about crappy stuff, even if it’s just in semi-coded
vague references.

It also means I can keep a record of more mundane things like books
I’ve read, movies I’ve seen, places I’ve eaten and when I get my periods. Looking back over journal entries is an awesome way to track moods and mental health, and also to see how far I’ve come in many ways.

Do you look at it as a place to express your thoughts, political views, worldwide views, talk about your life, your day or to vent?

All of the above. Hubris is full of pretty vapid empty crap sometimes,
like a big pile of whatever my catchphrase of the day is (“The Gilmore Girls are so hot right now”), and fairly mundane descriptions
of my day, while my locked down footnotes are where I vent. I have
political views that I think come through in my writing – I don’t
think anyone could read more than one entry and think that I was
right-wing, but I really don’t want to be seen a “political blogger”
because I’m just not that interested in the details. You’re much more
likely to find fairly broad statements about living as a decent human
being from me, or stuff like “so Don Brash has had sex with at least
three women? Really? Ewww”.

And I will bitch and moan about the state of the media or the state of
the world, but usually only about things related to me.

What made you start?

When I used to write a paper journal, I used to get a little frustrated thinking that I’d be the only person who ever read it. I wrote sometimes with an audience in mind, and would occasionally read (fairly censored) parts of it out loud to my friends.

I first came across online journals in 1998, when I was really into
Tori Amos, so I used to go to a lot of her fan sites, which were
mostly run by angsty American teenage girls who used to keep online
journals that were written in tiny little 8 point verdana font, and I
just really related to what they were doing. They had an outpost for
their thoughts and rantings, and an audience, and through their
guestbooks, they built a sense of community. I didn’t think I was as
angsty, or as obsessed with Tori Amos, and I didn’t like their sort of
competitive nature – it seemed like in order to be cool you had to be
on six different kinds of medication, cut yourself and have a
borderline eating disorder or a history of sexual abuse, but I could
relate to many of the things that others would write about – a sense
of alienation from your peers, and a yearning to be a writer, or just
to stand out, and so I started keeping an online journal too.

What made you carry on?

I enjoy doing it, and I love being able to look back on things. I’m
gutted that there are chunks of my life that are not as well
documented (like having the ihug hacker delete July-Nov ’98) or when I
was just too depressed to be able to write at all, but I am grateful
that there is this record, because basically all I really want to do
with my life is become famous enough that I can get an autobiography
published. Hehe. There’s a reason I had to use Hubris as a name…

But on a slightly less hubristic note, I’m full of regret that I never
got to hear enough stories about my grandparents’ lives. They left
behind some stories written down, but they’re handwritten, and on my
mother’s side they’re in Dutch, so I can’t really read them. I want to
make sure that there is some record of my life for my grandkids that
they can easily access, if they want it. I really admire what Heather
from dooce.com is doing for her daughter in that way, although I find
it kind of weird that I know more about what it’s like for this
complete stranger I’ve never even emailed to be raising a daughter
than my own mother’s experiences. That’s something I should work on.

Now that you are into it, do you think you will still be doing it a year from now? Two years?

Having been doing it nonstop for the past eight years, I have no doubt
that I’ll always be keeping an online journal of some sort.

Did you write a diary as a child/teenager/adult?

Yep. It was all descriptions of “she said ‘blah blah blah’ at school,
and pinings for the first boy I pashed. Hubris is pretty much no
different.

Is is something you gave a lot of thought to before starting or a spur of the moment thing?

I had wanted to start keeping an online journal for a while, but I
didn’t really give much thought to what I actually wanted to write in
it until I got going. Content has therefore evolved over time.

What do you write about?

I write about my day, parties I’ve had, injokes that are hilarious to
me and maybe two other readers, tasty food I’ve written, hatred of
people who talk at gigs, reviews of stuff, and I also post writing
that I’ve done for publication elsewhere.

Do you know who reads it? Do you have some sort of mechanism to find out who reads it?

I’m lucky with Hubris in that it’s a customised system my friend built
for me, so I can track everyone’s IP address, and also people can have
their own logins to the page which means every time they visit and
they’re logged in, it keeps a record. People can get themselves to
Level One, which is what some entries are locked to, but I have to
chose to bump them up to Level Two which is what my footnotes page is,
and any kind of rant about things that make me unhappy which shouldn’t
be talked about in public (like work issues), or things that I am
currently squeeing over – like crushes on people. I can actually put
in more levels too, so I can choose what information what people see.
Mostly level two membership just goes to people who I know really well
(online or in real life) or people who actively contribute to the
Hubris community – and by that I mean leave me comments, because of
course as an attention seeker, it’s all about the feedback.

Do you care? How careful about personal info on it are you? Do you include details about other people in your life?

Hubris is the number one result on google for a search on Joanna
Mcleod, so I write on the basis that anything I write can be read by
anyone – although as I mentioned above, I do have some security
measures but I’m aware if someone was dedicated enough they could hack
me. In the olden days before google, I used to use people’s full names
when I wrote mean things about them, and use my friends’ full names
and so forth, but I am much more aware of self-googling now so I don’t
do that so much. My restraint also includes never mentioning who I
work for (I don’t want to get dooced!) and trying not to give away too
much information about other people’s crap. One of my friends last
year made me remove every occurence of her name on the site because
she found her parents searching for her and therefore didn’t want her
name associated with drinking and drugs. Many years ago the first
time I went to bed with a certain boy in the morning he was like “this
isn’t going in your journal, is it?” – well that particular incident
didn’t go in, but I’ve said some very non complimentary things about
him since then, and him being a little drama queen, he’s done the
whole “lawyers, defamation, blah blah” speil. But funnily enough the
only legal letter I’ve had in regards to my website was regarding my
improper use of the word Sellotape (r) without using the registered
trademark symbol. Laaaaame.

Have other people, complete strangers (Like me!) been in touch?

Yes, many many many. In 1999, my friend and I used to have a thing
called The Breast Club, where we made scans of our chests in our bras,
and put them online and encouraged random people to send in theirs,
and so I met lots of people through that. Another time someone wrote
to me and said that since they read my site every day and it made them
happy they really wanted to send me a 21st birthday present.

Have you made new friends from it?

More than I can count – oh I’m so popular. Heh. But no, internet
friends are easy to make – you swap “i like your site” emails – well,
in the olden days you did, nowadays you comment instead, usually, and
that can progress to instant messaging, and then maybe you meet in
real life, and it’s all hunky dory.

Sometimes I meet (online and/or in real life) people through them
coming to my site – getting links from publicaddress.net brings them
in – and sometimes I meet them through contacting them on their sites,
or on forums, and then they come to my site to find out more about me.
It’s a way of demonstrating common interests or feelings, I suppose,
like joining a book club or a sports team might be in the real world.

Do you pay particular attention to what you write should someone you do care about it read it? Like your mum?

I do find myself censoring myself more than I’d like to sometimes
knowing that my friends read the site – sometimes I’d just like to
have a bit of a vent about a particular person without having
repercussions about it, but there are ways and means to get around
that, with different levels, or secret journals that others don’t know
about that.

I asked my parents not to read my site, although my dad did but I
think he was more embarrased about it than I was. I don’t have a lot
of boundaries anyway, so I’d like to think that the person I am online
is the person I am if you talk to me in real life – I don’t have that
much to hide.

Do you expect your family/friends to read it?

I’d actually kind of rather than my family didn’t read it, because
who’s more fun to bitch about than family? No one. And I feel
differently about different friends reading my site – I mean, when
it’s people I met online to begin with, that seems perfectly natural,
but the juxtaposition of my real life friends being in my online world
can be odd (and I know that contradicts my statement of being the same
in both worlds). If I’m away, or if my friends are away, I might cut’n
paste from my journal into emails to save telling hte same story over
and over again.

And if you do, do you feel offended if they haven’t?

If they’re not regular readers of my site, I don’t feel offended if
they don’t read it, but if they’re supposed to be regular readers and
I’m talking to them and they’re like “what? when did you do that?”
I’ll be all “DIDN’T YOU READ MY JOURNAL?” mock angry. But seriously, I
know that my journal can be a higher level of self disclosure than
some people might be comfortable reading (case in point: my review of
the Dimmer gig that was just sex sex sex).

But I would like to think that everyone wants to stalk me and know
every single detail about me ever.

Do you read other online journals or blogs?

Yeah there’s about 70 that I read religiously. Thank god for
Livejournal friends lists and RSS feeds, otherwise I’d be surfing all
the time.

Do you have a favourite? WHy?

One of my current favourite sites is what I’d call a blog if I didn’t
cringe at that word so much – it’s http://wellurban.blogspot.com. Tom Beard who writes it is passionate about Wellington, and he takes the time to
read council submissions and all those things I’d never bother doing,
and provides handy summaries, and he always finds new bars, shops and
restaurants for me to try.

I also love www.dooce.com because Heather writes in an easy, funny
way, but she also writes in great detail about her struggles with her
mental health, and she’s just an inspiration, even though that’s a
cheesey-as-fuck word to use.

and I love my friends’ sites because I like catching up with their
lives. And I like it when they write about me, of course.

Do you expect your online journal to take on a particular direction in the future that you haven’t yet established or are thinking about?

I want to write more stories about things that I did in the past -
like the Lost in Translation entry I wrote recently about moving to
Japan. I want to start writing my autobiography (yes I know, I’m 26,
I’m not that interesting and I haven’t really achieved anything, again
with the hubris), and so that’s what I’m keen to do.

How many times a week do you write in?

I used to write every day, but I also used to have a huge list of
people I could only talk to online that I’d spend hours chatting to
and write at the same time. I also used to be a student who didn’t
have bung wrists, so now I only update a couple of times a week. I
wish I wrote more.

For how long?

Entries take about an hour to write – more if there are pictures and
many links, but that’s an hour of much surfing at the same time.

Would you say this takes up a lot of your time? Does reading other blogs take up a lot of your time?

Yeah it does. But that’s okay.

Before email, were you big on writing letters? Or still are?

Only when I lived overseas. Now I wish I kept the letters I used to write.

Are you personal friends bloggers/online journalist or website owners? Family members?

I’ve always had online friends who were journallers (not journalists -
that’s like, media. Although I am trained in that too), and now it’s
weird, I have a group of friends who are so not into computers but
because of goddam myspace they’ve started keeping blogs. And boy are
they ugly…

What do they think of your new hobby?

Eight years isn’t a new thing. People used to think I was weird, but I
suppose at least the one thing I can thank the word ‘blog’ for is that
it’s mainstreamed me. Hang on, do I really want to be mainstream?

And do you consider it a hobby or something else entirely?

My job is writing website content, so writing online hones my job. And
one day I’d love to write a novel – or an autobiography, so maybe it’s
research for that. I just want to have a legacy, even if it’s a “I
watched Buffy all day and then laughed at some emos and got drunk”
legacy.

Ummm, sorry about the novella-length answers, I hope this helps!

Jo

If you’re a former rock star recovering from a heroin addiction, perhaps it’s a logical next step to team up with some other former rock stars to form a rock band. After all, once you?ve sold millions of records, it can’t be easy going back to a day job. Thus, in the tradition of supergroups like Audioslave, A Perfect Circle and The Travelling Wilburys, Velvet Revolver was born.

Velvet Revolver had been a rumour since it was announced that everyone but Axl Rose was quitting Guns’n Roses due to his insistence on pursuing electronica and industrial music. Axl was left with the band name, which he’d been given the rights to after he’d threatened to leave during the Use Your Illusion tour. His new version of GNR, with an ever changing line-up of band members, has spent the last nine years and $12 million on the still unfinished Chinese Democracy album. Meanwhile guitarist Saul Hudson (Slash), drummer Matt Sorum, and bassist Michael McKagan (Duff) all pursued different projects.

Slash was always the most recognisable member of GNR, with his long curly hair and trademark top hat winning over the ladies everywhere. During one tour, he was keeping three or four hotel rooms at a time so he could alternate between groupies. Slash has said that his hair and hat were just a way of hiding from audiences so he wouldn?t have to look at them. At one stage he found himself needing to hide from his own bodyguard ? who, in a move that Slash dubbed “very Single White Female” had started dressing exactly like him.

Slash managed to kick his heroin addiction while he was in GNR, but he wasn’t into clean living, securing a product endorsement deal with Black Death Vodka, the logo of which features a skull in a top hat. Perhaps he needed the vodka to drown the memories of his soloing on two songs from Michael Jackson’s 1992 album Dangerous. Slash’s fans were less confused when he formed the platinum-selling Slash’s Snakepit in 1995, which at times also featured his former bandmate Duff.

Duff had originally moved to L.A in an attempt to escape the copious heroin usage that was part of the punk scene in Seattle that he’d been playing in from 1979-1984. GNR was probably the wrong band for him to have joined if he’d wanted to stay clean. In 1990, Axl announced on stage that he?d be breaking up GNR if certain members of the band didn’t stop “dancing with Mr Brownstone”, so Duff took up drinking instead. After eight years of the GNR lifestyle, Duff was hospitalised in 1994 with pancreatitis, and told that if he didn’t stop drinking right then he would die. Having released his first solo album, Believe in Me, the year before, Duff obviously had something to live for, and so he cleaned up his act to the point where he was able to run a marathon in 2001. Fans had another chance to see him looking half dead, however, when he appeared in the TV show Sliders as a rockstar vampire in 1997. Duff formed and played in various bands, included Loaded and The Neurotic Outsiders, which included members of the Sex Pistols, Duran Duran and Matt Sorum from GNR.

Sorum is probably one of the world’s most famous replacement drummers. Early in his music career he was also widely known as a drummer-for-hire, playing in up to ten bands at a time. One of his first recordings was with Tori Amos, on her (extremely hard to find) glam rock album Y Kant Tori Read. In 1988 he got the job of drumming for British band The Cult after their drummer left, and he joined GNR after Steven Adler was fired for refusing to give up drugs. His first show with the Gunners was in Rio de Janeiro, playing to 140,000 people. After GNR broke up, Sorum had a multitude of gigs, including playing on tracks for Slash and Duff’s other projects, touring with The Cult again, and releasing his own solo album in 2003.

In 2002, Slash, Duff and Sorum played a benefit gig and decided to start a project together, which left a vacancy for a singer. Names like Sebastian Bach (of Skid Row and now TV?s The Gilmore Girls fame) and Travis Meeks (from Days of The New) and at one stage even Courtney Love were bandied about, but they clearly weren?t anything like Axl. How to replace the most arrogant man in rock? With one of the most fucked up ? Scott Weiland from Stone Temple Pilots.

STP was formed in 1990 when Weiland met bassist Robert DeLeo at a Black Flag concert and discovered that they were both dating the same woman. The group rode the grunge wave to stardom in the early nineties. While critics claimed they sounded like the poor man?s Pearl Jam, they sold seven million copies of their debut album Core in 1992, and its 1994 follow-up Purple stayed at #1 in the US for three weeks. A year later, Weiland was arrested for the first time for crack and heroin possession and given one year?s probation. Weiland is a man with many problems. As well as refusing to take medication for his bi polar disorder, because it flattens his personality, Weiland also had to deal with Hustler receiving photos of him and Courtney Love in a compromising position, which luckily publisher Larry Flynt refused to print. STP managed to squeeze out another three albums and a Greatest Hits collection in between his stints in rehab and jail, but Weiland caused problems for the whole band, and by their last tour he was trading punches with other band members on stage.

Despite this, Velvet Revolver was happy to take him on board. “Scott’s whole problem is tangible ? it’s just a drug problem. It’s not something completely insane that we can?t understand,” said Slash. Indeed, the video for Velvet Revolver?s second single ‘Fall To Pieces’ even depicts Weiland overdosing and being rescued by Slash.

Weiland had worked with the band in 2002 on songs for the soundtracks to The Italian Job and Hulk although at the time these songs were supposed to be one-off projects. Then in May 2003 he was arrested yet again for drug possession. Although he was ordered into rehab, a judge allowed him to be released to film a video. A month later, he was announced as the official vocalist of the group.

The final member of Velvet Revolver who isn’t as well known is Dave Kushner ? who actually went to school with Slash, and who played in Duff’s band Loaded, as well as being a session musician for various big names. With Slash’s solos being very flashy, Kushner compliments him perfectly by slipping under the radar.

Live, Velvet Revolver plays not just their new songs from their album Contraband, but also some of GNR’s less Axl-y songs (such as ‘Mr Brownstone’) and a couple of STP hits. The connection between the two bands isn’t so hard to see – Weiland says in the official band biography that STP’s hit ‘Sex Type Thing’ was written based on the low vocal of GNR’s ‘It’s So Easy’. Velvet Revolver quickly moved from playing small clubs to gigs of 15,000 people.
“I call it the Evveil Knievel factor,” Weiland told Newsweek. “He filled stadiums, but not because people wanted to see him make the jump. They wanted to see if he’d crash and burn”.

It doesn’t appear that Velvet Revolver will be crashing and burning any time soon. Hitting 40 has apparently had a mellowing effect on Slash ? during one show in Chicago, the audience started chanting “Fuck Axl Rose!” to which Slash merely replied, “Was that really necessary?”

Pulp

So two Wellington musicians get together to work on some music. You’ve heard this story many times before, but there’s a couple of twists: Matthew Mitchell is now living in Hungary and so his work with Bevan Smith (Aspen, Marineville) was done entirely online using p2p technology. Also, Skallander sound like many things and like nothing else all at the same time.

Thickly textured and layered with intricate detailing, Skallander is a chunky blend of lo-fi, electronica, and indie, which sometimes suggests Smith’s other projects, or perhaps The Phoenix Foundation. The title track, which is undoubtedly the album’s highlight even sounds a fair bit like American Music Club relocated to Wellington. It’s easy listening music for the complicated person. The Camels is one of those soft albums perfect to crawl into at the end of a long day and it comes highly recommended.

Pulp

Moloko always excelled at making quirky entertaining music that was still danceable, and now that she is on her own, Rosin Murphy has maintained that standard. Her voice is the first thing that stands out, as a sort of Margaret Thatcher meets Beth Gibbons enchantment, and the lyrics are playful to match. On ‘If We’re In Love’, the first single she asks “if we’re in love, why don’t we make love?” while on ‘Through Time’ she wonders “how did you predict the end of the world when you can?t see past your nose?”

The production of the album by collaborator Mathew Herbert (Bjork’s Vespertine) is as distinctive as Roisin’s voice. Some songs, like ‘Off on it’ with its horn section sound like scratchy old jazz records while others like ‘Sow Into You’ are pure pop with clicky house beats like Moloko’s biggest hit ‘Sing it back’, yet all tracks have their own very different identity. On the album highlight ‘Ramalama (bang bang)’, drums pound along like the George of the Jungle theme song transported to Mars ? and it works. Ruby Blue is like nothing else you will hear this year, and it is utterly brilliant.

4.5/5

Pulp

For a guy whose name has appeared on over 50 million album sales, Butch (real name Bryan) Vig is extremely down to earth. While he admits that doing interviews can be awkward, he seems happy to be doing press for Garbage’s new album Bleed Like Me ? perhaps because at one stage he thought that their fourth album would never get finished. “It’s a huge fucking relief because this record almost broke us as a band, so we see it as a huge triumph
“.

The fact that Garbage have been together for so long, having watched many of their contemporaries fall by the wayside can also be regarded as a triumph. Their story starts over twenty years ago, in Madison, Wisconsin, when Vig dropped out of his pre med studies in order to play the drums in a band called Spooner, led by Doug Erikson. A fan named Steve Marker had a four track in his basement, and he offered to record the band. While Spooner broke up, Vig’s friendship with Marker lasted. In 1983 they formed Smart Studios together, borrowing $3000 from Vig’s parents. In an old warehouse with egg cartons glued to the wall they started recording singles for local bands at $100 a pop.

While neither Marker nor Vig had any prior experience, by 1989 Smart Studios had gained enough of a reputation that they were asked to produce Gish, the debut album for The Smashing Pumpkins. The next year in April Vig started production work on Nevermind for Nirvana’s major label debut. After Nirvana catapulted into the mainstream, Vig was seen as a superstar producer and he worked with a variety of other alternative bands such as Sonic Youth and L7 on their crossover albums.

But by 1994, Vig was getting tired of guitar music. His work on remixes for Nine Inch Nails and House of Pain, which headed in the direction of electronic loops and samples, inspired him to start working on writing songs with his old friends Marker and Erikson. Their project took on the self-deprecating name of Garbage, and then the three decided that they needed a woman singer.

“It’s a damn shame that there?s not more bands fronted by girls today,” he says, citing PJ Harvey, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs and The Distillers as current examples of groups led by strong women. “Perhaps girls were put off by all the bullshit macho bands in the late ’90s like Limp Bizkit. Hopefully they?ll come to our shows and see Shirley and decide to give it a go”.

They first spotted Shirley Manson on MTV, singing in her band Angelfish. After making contact, they met her in London ? for conspiracy theorists, on the same day that that Kurt Cobain died.

Manson was fierce, Scottish and strikingly beautiful; seemingly the opposite of the men in Garbage. Indeed, even biographies straight from the record company describe their early videos as “[appearing to be] three covert government operatives keeping tabs on a red-haired geisha” but the chemistry that developed over the course of making their eponymous first album was undeniable. Manson’s lyrics had a rage and aggression that the intricate production channelled with finesse, making it stand out in the grunge aftermath of music charts in 1995. With singles ‘Queer’, ‘Stupid Girl’ (their highest charting single, at #4 in the UK charts and #24 in the US) and ‘Only Happy When It Rains’ and three Grammy nominations to drive it along, Garbage sold four million copies.

Meanwhile the band started performing live for the first time, touring extensively. Manson quickly began to be seen as the band’s Most Valuable Player, or at least the most recognisable. In an interview in 1996, Vig said that when the band had first formed everyone wanted to talk to him, due to his success with Nirvana, but a year later he was referred to as “the drummer in Shirley Manson?s band”. While that kind of focus had a negative influence on No Doubt, a female-fronted band Garbage has toured with, Vig doesn’t see it as a problem for Garbage.

“Shirley should get all the focus, because they?re her lyrics and she’s up front,” he says, “I don’t want to be the centre of attention, I still have enough fans from Nevermind, I get plenty of ego boosts”.

In 1998, Garbage released their second album, Version 2.0. It was slower to take off than Garbage, but eventually sales reached similar figures. Musically, the album was very much a second version of the first, with new features and a metaphorically shinier interface built in. The electric imagery that the production called up was echoed in the video of ‘Push It’, in which people’s heads were replaced by light bulbs. Manson’s lyrics continued to spit out venom (“If we sleep together / will you like me better?”) which no doubt endeared her to those raised on Alanis Morrisette records, and indeed the band toured New Zealand with Morrisette. Meanwhile Manson’s status as a sex symbol was cemented in 1999, when the band were asked to do the theme for the James Bond film The World is Not Enough, and she got to play a killer robot in the video.

But while Manson’s appearance may have helped record sales, fans turned on her when she cut her hair and dyed it blonde before the third album, beautifulgarbage was released. Others were put off by its more eclectic nature, and the fact that the record was polished within an inch of its life. Many talk about beautifulgarbage as a failure because it ‘only’ sold 2 million copies, which is admittedly half of its predecessors. Vig points out that the single ‘Cherry Lips’ was huge outside of America, and it is worth noting that Garbage singles never charted particularly well in the US, even while the albums were selling platinum. He also blames the comparative failure of the album on the fact that it was released on September 4th, 2001, and so America was in a state of shock, not ready to embrace a pop album. Certainly Garbage didn?t have fun touring the album, even though they were doing a support slot for U2.

Mid tour, in 2002, Vig was diagnosed with Type A Hepatitis, and was replaced on tour by drummers Matt Chamberlain (who has played with Fiona Apple, Tori Amos and NZ’s own Anika Moa) and Matt Walker (The Smashing Pumpkins, Filter). “First time I?ve played with another drummer in 20 years,” said Erikson at the time. Manson also had a health scare when she needed to have a cyst on her vocal chord removed. None of this helped to get the band in the right state of mind to record their fourth album. Nevertheless, Garbage returned to Smart Studios in 2003, liking the isolation that Madison provided. They laid down ‘Right Between The Eyes’ in 30 minutes, and then as Vig describes it, the band spiralled into a black hole. Everyone needed to take time out.

Eventually it was their long suffering management ? who also manage Metallica and were responsible for calling in that band’s therapist when it seemed Metallica couldn’t work together anymore as depicted in Some Kind of Monster ? who pushed Garbage back into jamming together. Vig felt rejuvenated, and he believes that everyone had needed to hit the bottom and take a good hard look in the mirror and decide that they actually wanted to be in the band making music together before they could proceed. Manson had come back with lyrics that were more topical and political, with what Vig describes as a ‘frenetic scrappiness’. Bleed Like Me signals a return to Garbage’s earlier work, sounding more raw and guitar-based than beautifulgarbage. Vig called in Dave Grohl to drum on ‘Bad Boyfriend’, bringing in the wild, chaotic rhythm that Garbage fans have learnt to love, and with the exception of that track, which was produced by Dust Brother John King, the band handled production themselves since they are stuck in their ways. The lower overheads of recording in predominantly in Madison meant that the budget didn?t spiral out of control when the record took so long to perfect.

Putting aside their scrapping, Garbage are back on the road touring. “Everyone is in a good mood,” says Vig optimistically, “due to how well the record has been received”. ‘Bleed Like Me’ is currently the most added record to radio in the USA. Once they?re done with this round of touring, Vig intends to take a year off from Garbage to produce albums. He is also keen to get into scoring for films, which isn’t surprising given that he does have a degree in film from the University of Wisconsin.

Aside from Garbage, the obvious question to ask is does Vig see a new Nirvana ready to emerge? “That?s something you can’t predict. If I knew who they were, I?d be in the studio with them right now,” he laughs.

Originally published in Pulp.

Run “sales, rich profit re-emerging” through any good anagram website, and you’ll come up with the much more exciting phrase “the Spice Girls are reforming”. Pulp investigates whether there’s any truth to the rumours, and why the hell you should care about a cheesy manufactured band (that changed the face of pop music forever).

5 become 1

It?s been ten years since Chris Herbert first ran an ad asking “R. U. 18-23 with the ability to sing/dance? R.U. streetwise, outgoing, ambitious, and dedicated?”. He and his father Bob planned to put together the female equivalent of Take That. This wasn?t the Herberts’ first time attempt at a pop group ? they had brought the boy band Bros together in the late 1980s but missed out on signing them.

The girls who answered Chris’s advertisement were a mix of singers, dancers and attention seekers. Five girls were chosen – Melanie Chisholm, Melanie Brown, Geri Halliwell, Victoria Adams, and Michelle Stephenson, and they were given a weekly stipend as well as signing onto the dole, and placed in a house together where they were meant to bond, learn to sing and dance together. Most of the girls got along, swapping eating disorder tips, and according to some tabloids becoming rather special friends, but Michelle was altogether too serious. She was fired and replaced by Emma Bunton.

The Herberts hadn’t learnt their lesson from Bros about contracts, so the girls took their demos and scampered off to the welcoming arms of Simon Fuller and 19 Management instead. After a battle between labels they signed to Virgin for a rumoured ?2 million. Don’t feel too bad for the Herberts though, because they took their payoff from legal action and went on to inflict 5ive and Hear’Say on the world.

Spice Up Your Life,

The girls renamed themselves the ‘The Spice Girls’ and in a move straight out of The Smurfs, the girls adopted the personalities that a teen magazine had assigned to them. Mel C as Sporty Spice only ever wore trainers and tracksuits, Victoria as Posh Spice stopped smiling, Emma as Baby Spice grew pigtails, Scary Spice Mel B got louder, and Ginger Spice Geri’s shoes got taller and her makeup thicker. The resulting caricatures allowed young fans a range of personalities to identify with (everyone’s thought about which Spice Girl they are, right?), while men could chose their favourite fantasy ? a winning combination.

Their first single ‘Wannabe’, was released in July 1996, and it shot to #1 in the UK, as did eight more of their singles. The album Spice sold 23 million copies around the world, driven by the phenomenon of kids pestering their parents to buy the records. Tying in to the new ‘tweenies’ market, as pre-teens are called, by the end of 1996 the Spice Girls were endorsing over 35 products and had eight sponsorship deals – totally over ?5.5 million, including Asda, Sony Playstation (the Spice Girls game is, very amusingly, a dancing variation on ‘Simon Says’), Walkers Crisps and Pepsi each signing them for ?1 million.

Too Much

Of course along with their saturation of airwaves and magazines came the backlash. Some critics carried on as if a prefabricated pop group achieving success was the first sign of the apocalypse, instead of something that had been happening ever since The Monkees had been on TV in the ’60s. It is probably worth pointing out here that along with the swags of Teen Choice & Smash Hits awards it won, Spice was also nominated for the very prestigious Mercury Music Prize in 1997, alongside OK Computer and Roni Size’s New Forms.

Music snobs aside, the Spice Girls could do no wrong. Their second album Spiceworld sold a cool 18 million copies, and their movie of the same name, written by Simon Fuller’s brother Kim with tongue firmly in cheek, had moderate success at the box office, despite receiving a record five Golden Raspberry awards for ‘Worst Film’.

In a case of real life imitating art, just as in the movie they’d fought to free themselves of their manager, the Spice Girls decided that they?d had enough of Simon Fuller and took over management of themselves. As one of the few British bands to truly crack America, they off on a stadium tour. But then Geri announced she?d had enough.

Goodbye

In her biography, If Only, Geri says that she always knew that the Spice Girls would have a short life. Although she?d originally intended to stay until the end of the tour, she skipped out early. The remaining Spice Girls released ‘Goodbye’ ostensibly as a tribute to her, but handily just in time to catch the coveted Christmas #1 for the third year in a row. Everyone then went off to side projects for a while.

The Geri-less Spice Girls released their much delayed third album in 2000, but by then the market had changed a great deal. When the Spice Girls had first started out, the only girl groups around were slick R&B ones like Eternal and En Vogue, the members of whom appeared to be sophisticated but homogenous. The Spice Girls seemed younger, louder and more approachable, wearing high street fashion and cheekily acting up. Their success paved the way for similar bands like B*witched, S Club 7 (put together by Simon Fuller), bands for the TV show Popstars, and even younger female singers like Billie and Britney Spears. But by 2000, pop records had become increasingly layered and overproduced. The sheer glee of Spice sounded tinny in comparison to Destiny’s Child, so the Spice Girls tried to catch up. The result, the bland Forever meant that the joy and enthusiasm that had made the Spice Girls so catchy was missing. While the first single, ‘Holler’ went to #1, the record “only” sold 4 million copies. Although there was no official announcement, it was generally accepted that the Spice Girls were dead.

Say they?ll be there?

Of course, no band who has sold 45 million albums and 30 million singles can ever really be thought of as finished. Rumours of a reunification tour have grabbed headlines ever since Geri left. Given the mixed levels of success that each Spice has had in their solo careers (see sidebar), and the reported ?10 million each Simon Fuller, who has kept himself busy (and rich) with the Pop Idol franchise, has offered for a final tour, the urge to strap on the platform boots must be pretty strong.

It was widely believed that the Spice Girls would reform for the recent Live 8 series of concerts, but according to Bob Geldof, Mel B, now living in L.A, was the only holdout. Meanwhile plenty of other media outlets have quoted her as saying that the Spice Girls will tour in July 2006, just in time for their ten year anniversary and no doubt a Greatest Hits album. Although Mel C has been heard to say that they?re too old now, their ages will offer one advantage ? they?ll be able to play in licensed venues since the main body of their fans will have finally reached the drinking age.

Who Do You Think You Are? – Life Post Spice

Emma:
Emma?s first single ‘What I am’ famously battled for the #1 position (and lost) with Geri?s second, ‘Lift Me Up’, but she got her #1 in 2001 with “What took you so long?”. After being dropped by her record company, she signed with 19 Management, dropped her last name and picked up some TV work. She still hangs out with her mum a lot.
Star rating: 2/5

Mel B:
At their wedding, Mel B?s husband Jimmy Gulzar allegedly sung “I will always love you” to the best man. Their marriage didn?t last long, but at least it gave Mel B a daughter, Phoenix Chi to go along side her one #1 hit with Missy Elliot on ‘I want you back’. She can also be proud that nu metallers Korn’s cover of Cameo?s ‘Word Up’ sounds eerily identical to hers. No wonder she’s trying to make a life for herself acting in L.A now.
Star rating:1/5

Mel C:
Everyone always said Mel C was the best singer in the Spice Girls and was most likely to have a successful solo career. Whether that proved to be the case is fairly subjective. She got #1s with duets with Bryan Adams and Lisa Lopez, and a dance remix, but her second album sold abysmally, and after she was dropped by Virgin she started up her own record label to release her third album. She maintains a fairly low profile when she doesn?t have an album to promote.
Star rating: 3.5/5

Geri:
With four solo #1s under her belt, as well as two best selling autobiographies Geri could be considered the most successful post-Spice Girl. She attracts more column inches chronicling her struggles with eating disorders than for her work as a Goodwill Ambassador for the UN, but at least she?ll never have to worry about anyone coming up with topless pictures of her because the world has seen that all before.
Star rating: 4/5

Victoria:
Victoria is the only Spice Girl who can claim to have her own football chant ? though it’s unlikely that she lists “Posh Spice takes it up the ass” on her CV. She hasn?t had her own #1 hit, but she?s the only one married to David Beckham. She gathers the most attention these days, mostly for her skeletal frame and her bad choice in nannies. Many ears were glad to hear she?s giving up music to pursue a career in fashion instead.
Star rating: 3/5

Joanna McLeod

Please note, this is the FULL text of the story that was cut down and published in the last issue of Pulp

First and foremost, please remember this: People go to gigs to listen to the music. Yes, some of you would like to catch up with friends. Some of you might like to make new ones. Some of you might like to just drink a lot. But guess what? there are many many places that you can do these things at. There are few places where you can hear live music, so SHOW SOME FUCKING RESPECT, both for the musicians, and for the listeners. That support band you’re ignoring might just be my favourite band in the whole wide world. I’m not asking you to suck their cocks (or mine for that matter), just to be a little more considerate and make my listening experience more enjoyable.

Okay, I admit. Sometimes I like to talk to my friends too. That’s what THE BACK OF THE BAR IS FOR. Here’s a few guidelines for where it is okay to talk, and where it is not okay to talk.
Bar Bodega: From the last pillar by the bar to the stage is Music Appreciation Area. Seriously, if you’re all chat chat chat, fuck off downstairs.
Indigo: See where they pull the curtain along sometimes in order to seperate the two areas? That’s the cutoff line.
King’s Arms: use the bar as your marker.
Generally, you should be at least one metre back from the last person dancing.

If you’re out with someone with whom you haven’t already developed silent signals for “want another beer?/let’s move up front/he is so hot/this is my favourite song/this guy is too sweaty” well then maybe you oughta rethink your commitment to each other and go by yourself next time.

Also, don’t be that whistling guy. Sing along to the sing-along songs if you have to, but not the heartbreaking solos.

Think before you push through the crowd – if you displace someone, they have to go somewhere – they don’t just disappear, you know. Also, you’ll probably find it easier to cross the floor when the band aren’t playing their most popular song, since you’ll disrupt fewer people’s dancing.

Let’s take a look now at what you’re wearing. If you have big hair, I hope you’ve somehow tamed it. The same also goes for long hair. No one wants a mouthful of someone else’s hair. Are you wearing deodorant? Go put a little more on before you leave the house. Are you wearing abrasive fabrics? Take’em off. But don’t take off your shirt in the mosh pit, eww. Please wear sensible footwear, you’ll enjoy yourself a lot more.

Do this for me and I’ll do it for you and we’ll all live happily ever after. Cheers!