Hubris.co.nz

Sleep lately has been of the 4.30am nightmares, so getting up at 8am to get my show on the road really didn’t seem like a viable option. Instead, I rolled out of bed at 9.30 and waited for an age at Peoples Coffee [sic] before finally getting on the road. The first mix CD that Lisa ever made for me, which introduced me to Bright Eyes (“now your hands are on me / pressing hard against my jeans / you didn’t care to know / who else may have been you before”), the Arcade Fire (“there’s something wrong in the hearts of Man”) and the saddest music video ever for ‘The Death of Romance’ by The Dears (I challenge you to watch that and NOT cry!) guided me through the wake-up period, and then Bloc Party took me to Taihape and lunch at the Brown Sugar Cafe.

My first memories of the Brown Sugar Cafe, (probably from 1997 going up to check on AUT, and then on so many subsequent trips back and from Auckland, including one particularly memorable road trip to Mark F’s 21 where Jo (starla) only got to come along because she returned a teaspoon to her mother in time) were of me drinking cappuccinos, which came with a chocolate-covered coffee bean on the spoon, They used to have monstrously big foccaia sandwiches filled with tomato, alfalfa and thick long slices of Camembert cut all the way across the wheel, and they cost something like $5, but no more. They do still have chicken and cashew croissants, but they’re smaller, staler, and my bill for a tiny croissant, a juice and a bacon in cibatta was $18. State High Way One Robbery, I tell you!

But that area is my most favouritest to drive in, so off I set, cranking up Eight Arms To Hold You and realising that I know all the words still, and – as I twittered once i got off the Desert Road – their songs have essentially the same structure as my essays I used to write in fifth form. Introduce your theme, provide three examples, sum up. And these sheets smell like bayous, not mine, not yours, not yours. It was sweaty and hot, and on the Desert Road all I could think about was the piece I wrote called ‘North of You’ in 101 Stories That I Want To Tell You, and hey, it’s 2009, you’re going to contact me, right? It’s been three years. But it was a different person’s handprint that I have burned into my thighs. I fucking hate being left alone to my thoughts all day eh. It was like every single line of every song I sung was directly applicable to me – even when I switched away from Birds to Britney Spears in total desperation.

There was tar on my shoes from Taihape, which made the pedals sticky and somewhat scary to operate. When I got a can of the newly redesigned coke from the Tairua Caltex and waited an eternity for their one bathroom because it was just after 5pm when the public toilets close, it exploded on me in the car. I lost my glasses somewhere before Hamilton and spent a frenzied frantic ten minutes tearing my car apart to re-find them. I got stuck behind a Newman’s coach liner from Hamilton to Huntly, and then I overshot the city because I got confused about Great South Road and State Highway One and ended up on the expressway to Auckland before I manged to call the Romantic Getaways place and finally found it. I was overwhelmed by seeing Kat again, and trying to hustle into my room, and trying to get a shower, and discovering that my room hasn’t been renovated at all, and in fact they’d given me a single bed because I’M NOT MARRIED but Kat insisted that I’d paid for a double so I may in fact be sleeping on the owners’ bed, and that is why I only have two pillows, despite all the other furniture piled up in this room. Half the corridors here are still linoleum, and i need to use school-camp quality bathrooms – unless I go down to K&K’s honeymoon suite, where their shower has two heads, and oh yes, I had them both going, at different temperatures on top of me and I giggled and giggled and giggled at the sensation, and also at the thought of wasting all that water, and then Kane came back to his room and I told him that his wedding treat was waiting for him, and oh how we laughed!

Eventually after more cat-herding than even I would ever be able to deal with (parents, cousins, brothers, oldies, littlies) we headed down the hill to the Old Courthouse Cafe for a lot more waiting for late people. I got some wine as soon as was civilized to do so, and oh, it was nice, It’s been hard being so dry lately when my friends are all so wet, The staff were very unsure with wines, but the wood-fired scotch fillet was oh my fricking good amazing.

More cat-herding found me and Kat and Brooke and Vanessa in Kat’s suite, ever so vaguely watching The Princess Bride, while Brooke practised doing Kat’s makeup, and Vanessa and I had facials and hand jobs. I’ll put links in to the appropriate PPP posts when I have internet, I swear. But now I might find my book, see if I can read little while I wait for zopiclone, and get my eyes ready to cry lots tomorrow! OMG OMG OMG! They’re getting married!

40 questions I answer every year.
1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Traveled internationally for work. Broke the two year rule (it was a pash, and the two year rulee was standing right next to me at the time, and she’s still cool with me, but I’m not sure if it’s cool with me, in principle). Built a tiki shack. Got things for free for blogging – a new phone, fuckloads of beauty products and lots of lovely new friends. Saw a psychiatrist (as opposed to a counselor) and consequently now rely on sleeping pills every day in order to sleep. Orgasmed at someone else’s hand for the first time since my first orgasm. Had two workmates make me cry in one night telling me how awesome I am and that I am valued at work – and one of them was the deputy commissioner. Cried with joy at the US presidential elections.

2007: Had people fight over me to work for them. Went to the wrestling. Watched people play cricket. Enjoyed both of those things. Oh, and had someone fancy me (seriously, who does that?), and treat them badly while trying to do the right thing.
2006: Started saving for my retirement! Went to New York! Went to San Francisco! Owned framed artwork! Owned a sideboard! Been insanely houseproud. And had a regular gym habit that I am addicted to.
2005: Had workmates that I counted as friends and regularly went out with. Lived with my sister as a flatmate. Traveled to tropical islands without my parents. Had an IV drip. Had surgery.
2004:Sold stuff. Stayed in a motel by myself.
Had a bar refuse to serve me any more liquor.
2003.Umm. Published a whole magazine by myself. Lost a job I loved. Moved back home.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
2008: I don’t know what my resolutions were. Maybe to have a relationship? I should have been more specific about the kind of relationship that I wanted! My resolutions for this year I have already broken, as they all related to taking better care of myself.
2007: I can’t remember what my “loftier” ambitions for this year were, but my Matariki resolutions were to wake up with someone in the morning and not mind them being there, which I achieved the night of my birthday party, and to score someone in this house without Lani walking in on me. Having Lani move out really helped with that one!
2006: I had the single New Year’s resolution of having a pash, and an E’d up ex cow-orker made that happen for me in May at Boulot. And Maya. And Sandwiches. Oh the shiny young boy, he was so pretty. And yes, when I first let him kiss me one of my initial thoughts was “Now I have achieved my new year’s resolution!”.

2004:Well according to this I resolved to get a job, which I did, and have a threesome, which I didn’t. And yes, I have made some for next year, but they’re very basic, and you can read about them on Hubris.
2003:My New Year’s resolution was to have a relationship, and I didn’t do that. I came closer than I have for a very long time though, because three of the people I scored this year I had either loved, thought I loved at the time or realised afterwards that I was in love with.
Next year I will make simpler ones like getting a job and/or having a threesome.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
2008: Ummmm Maree did, and Shirley and I cooked a whole bunch of food for her and sent it up via Chelsea. Also Martha was going to, but the baby had other ideas about it.
2007: No, but I wish more would given the amount of cute baby clothes my friends produce!
2006: We’re not as close anymore as we used to be, but Maree had a daughter named Isla, and my ex cow-orker Sarah’s having a bubby as well.
2005: We’re not that close, but Kyla did, and when I got to hold her baby daughter I cried like a big sook.
2004: Hulita, I imagine. Fuck I really should get in touch with her.
2003: Nushka, maybe? And I half believe that I had a super early miscarriage. Joy.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
2008: Nope

2007: Nope.
2006: No, but I still think about Oma a lot, especially at this time of year.
2005: Oma. I just wrote about that though, and it was exhausting.
2004: We weren’t particularly close, but Granny died. Watching her die was the hard part.
2003: No, thank god.

5. What countries did you visit?
2008: Samoa for the most luxuriously lazy holiday ever, and Canberra for work.
2007: Auckland. Oh, and Rarotonga, even though I almost didn’t make it there!
2006: America, FUCK YEAH! I fiiiiiiiiinally got to see Olivia in San Francisco, which I’d been planning for about five years, or as long as she’s lived there. It makes it a little bittersweet that the only reason I got to go was that I inherited some money from Oma. I suppose the one good thing about the timing was that it meant that Kate was in New York so I had a reason to go there as well.
2005: Fiji with KateB, and Rarotonga with Karen. I wish Raro was as hot and sunny and cheap as Fiji. The people and the food was so much nicer.
2004: The ‘Tron.
Auckland so often tha`t I got confused about where I actually` live.
2003: Christchurch and the Hawkes Bay.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
I’d like to have an actual relationship that includes breakfasts, and I’d like to be really good and productive at my job instead of living inside my head and depression so much.
2007: I’d like a relationship. I think I’m finally just about ready.
2006: Abs. I know they’re a long way away. But I can dream. And also maybe a bit more than a drunken pash and couple of gropings. I’d also like to get some faith in my self back.
2005: Well I got the good workmates and the good flatmate, but Anji’s going to move out, so I would like a new flatmate that I can get along really well with. And also A PASH. Holy crap I’d like a pash.
2004: Flatmates that I’m close to, and workmates who say ‘Thank you’. Also I’d really like to have me some sex, but with the conditions laid out on Hubris – IE: not just drunken friend sex.
2003: A stable job that I enjoy, and a relationship.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
2008: Again, I’m going to say the Wellingtonista Awards on December 18, it was quite a big night! I’m so proud of all that we’ve achieved with the site last year and I know it’s going to continue to grow.

2007: December 3 for the Wellingtonista Awards. So much work, but such a payoff. And part of my five year plan!
2006: Halloween Night in San Francisco, because it was the date I planned my trip around. My last day at CWA because of ending up in the ocean. My pirate party because of sheer awesomeness. December 22nd because of Oma dying the year before. Boxing Day (today!) because it’s like the first anniversary of the tsunami anniversary. And that’s kind of funny if you work in the place that I do.Sort of.
2005: June 18th because of the HUGE ENORMAS LABIA and IV drips and so forth, and also December 22nd because of Oma dying.
2004:December 4th – Chelsea’s Wedding Day. Partly because dude, that rocks, but also because it was the date around which I planned my best holiday.
2003: September 12th – last day of my job.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
2008: Making it through the year with my friendships and job intact, actually was pretty huge. And I’m really happy with the Wellingtonista and Pretty Pretty Pretty, how they’re going, and also my involvement in the Wellington community with things like Girl Geek Dinners as well, and arranging swag from lovely people for all the lovely events I was part of.
2007: Being fought over for a job, and realising that actually, while I might have been in a terrible workplace that never gave me any feedback, that doesn’t mean that I’m actually stupid. I’m actually very smart and damn good at my job. And also overcoming the reoccurance of the big Depression, and working really hard to keep myself clear of it. It makes people proud of me. It makes ME proud of me!
2006: Making it to America, continuing to go to the gym with a few lapses, and starting to save for my retirement.
2005: Landing a job where I get paid well, I want to stick around and I think that I am good at it, mostly, and starting up a flat that feels like home. Oh, and going to the gym regularly – except for of course the past couple of weeks. But extrenuating circumstances, really.
2004: Somehow ending up with a sales job despite the fact that I’ve never sold things before and managing to do 73% of my target, as well as becoming a paid writer.
Also, coming off Celepram successfully.
2003: Making it this far, despite the assorted setbacks. Doing my damndest to survive and also doing two people’s jobs for two months – although I wish that had been recognised more.

9. What was your biggest failure?
2008: I’m not allowed to call my depression reoccurrence a failure, but I could have done more to maintain my health. I also made some really bad decisions which I would take back if I could, but since I can’t, I’m not going to dwell.
2007: My fitness level has dropped, my weight has gone up and my finances are in a dire state. But you know what? Fuck that. I haven’t really failed at anything, as such. I did pretty damn well.
2006: Not having lost any weight, and continuing to be afraid that secretly, no one likes me. Oh and perhaps not convincing the boy that I fancied for a long time that actually he fancies me too. And getting hung up on things that should long be dead and buried.
2005: Not getting a single pash. Seriously. Do you know what that does to a girl’s confidence?
2004: Kissing goodbye to any hope of ever starting my own magazine because I realised that I cannot support it on the kinds of amounts of advertising that I could sell. Also not winning the role of Editor at Rip It Up. Y’all did know I’d been interviewed for it, right?
2003: Losing my job, drifting from all my friends, being unable to knock the big D on its head for once and for all, and giving up on Auckland.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
2008: debilitating depression, but other than that, no.
2007: The reoccurance of the D was somewhat of a setback, but better dealt with this time round than in the past.
2006: Other than the flu, insanely sore feet in New York, and many a vast hangover no. But I am a little worried about the new arising Anxiety and will be monitoring it closely.
2005: the infected mosquito bites and the SURGERY ON MY VAGINA count, right?
2004: See below. Wait, also obesity counts, right?
2003: Depression, still. Injuries: the reoccurance of OOS and migraines.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
2008: My eeePC is pretty darn nifty, and also getting my friends to install my wifi for me was a genius idea. Good times! Also, I got to know many of the people that I buy things from, and that makes me happy.
2007: I can’t think of any one thing that’s awesome. A lot of great clothes from Torrid, perhaps? Or all the drinks I’ve had whilst bonding with the Wellingtonista.
2006: headphones that clip over my ears so they don’t fall out when I am exercising, and getting Sebastian’s claws trimmed. And plane tickets to the States.
2005: My couches. Fuck yeah. 5.5 seats worth of stretch-out aubergine beauty.
2004: My laptop because it came with a free iPod, and having an iPod makes life so much better. Also completing the full set of Buffy and Angel. Heh.
2003: My Buffy DVDs.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
2008: I love Bambi because he makes Anji happy and because he likes our family! And Tom is always available for drinking purposes. So many of my friends have stood up and been there for me whenever I needed them. Amy started a website with me, and cuts my hair for free! I take Karen for granted too much, but she is awesome. I also like all the people who have pashed and/or felt me up this year. Nice work, kids!
2007: At the start of the year, Lisa was my constant companion, which made it easier to get through the intensely difficult time between self-diagnosis of depression and the pills starting to work. She’d show up bringing cookies & milk, or DVDs, or her paints, and we’d sit in companionable mostly-silence, and she never asked me difficult questions, and it was just really really helpful getting through thtat time. Later, I met Lani and that was choice, and when she was gone, Kat and Kane are tremendously positive influences on my life, with their compost bins, zen-like personalities and also the WRESTLING! And because I build so much of my life around sex, I will give props to the Ginger for breaking a three and a half year seal, even if he turned out to be a bit of a narrow-minded cunt later, because I was getting to the stage where I thought it was actually a physical impossibility for me to fuck again. Also, we’re probably not going to be flatmates for much longer, so I will declare my undying love for Smoo as a flatmate, for putting up with all my stupid shit, feeding Seb when I ask him and for laughing at my jokes. And did I mention for putting up with my stupid shit for almost two years?
2006: Olivia and Steve for being amongst the best human beings on the planet. Kate for taking me in to her busy life and small space for an intense week. Smoo for being quiet and calm and for laughing at my jokes and being someone I look forward to his coming home every night. D for being a gentleman. Asshole. The people who said nice things at my farewell speeches at CWA. And Mum for last year buying me a gym subscription that has worked wonders in my mental health.
2005: Lisa Fur’s, for being my new friend. But not for her white noise. The company that gave me a job, because most of the time I am really happy in it. Anji’s when she was so good with Oma, and when she’s a good flatmate. The KKK crew for many many good times out in Wellington,
2004: My outgoing boss’s, Heather’s for her lovely shoulders, Anyone that I could have giggly crushes on, Anji’s when she stood up to Mum, Brad and Katy for making me actually have a life in Welly.
2003: My mother for helping me move back, KateB for taking me back, Tom for taking me back.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
2008: there was that ultra-creepy flatmate that I kicked out, but once he was gone, the flat became the home it was supposed to be. Also, people who voted for National, and the people in the US who voted for Proposition 8, and the people in Wellington who still think we need more roads. And at times, I appalled myself, but I’m kind of used to that by now.
2007: At my counsellor’s firm suggestion, I decided not to hang out with people who make me appalled and depressed anymore. It works pretty well! There are some people who sucked a whole bunch in the early year, but I don’t work with them any more, so that’s bygones. I’ll just continue to scowl at them in cafes.
2006: the people who continued to let me down in regards to social events. Me for caring so much.
2005: Tomkat. Anyone who voted Right in the election. Anji’s when she sulked and stole my friends from me. My aunt for ruining our Xmas. People who call me a blogger.
2004: Mum’s psychoness over Neil’s birthday dinner, my uncle Don’s over his coldness at his mother dying, Brian Tamaki and all of Destiny Church, anyone who listened to Don Brash, and anyone who voted for Bush.
2003: AuSM’s, Tom’s, mine, assorted other people.

14. Where did most of your money go?
2008: To booze, to double-rent and leave without pay, and the trip to Samoa.
2007: To Torrid and into my stomach, in booze or food, and also on parking tickets for not having a warrant or rego and daring to park outside my house.
2006: My trip to the States, the shopping I did there, internet shopping nwo I finally have a credit card, and also on booze and food.
2005: drinking with workmates & buying people drinks despite my new year’s resolution. Not to mention two holidays to pacific islands, and filling up and keeping our liquor cabinet full. Oh, and having a three bedroom house between two of us is not cheap either.
2004: On paying off my laptop, to various places in Auckland and on food and liquor. Plus I buy Sebastian the expensive kind of cat biscuits quite often.
2003: To Andre at the liquor shop

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
2008: The internet, both for work and also for the Wellingtonista and Pretty Pretty Pretty, and also MY TIKI SHACK! And the Arcade Fire were every bit as good as I expected them to be. And also KAT AND KANE GOT MARRIED!
2007: The ARCADE FIRE ARE COMING TO THE BIG DAY OUT! Blam Blam Blam played our awards! During my six weeks at SPAC I got complimented every day! I have friends who like me!
2006: Rockstar Supernova & TWOP, going to America, working for an agency of good now, Country Club and the Wellingtonista awards.
2005: Rockstar INXS and America’s Next Top Model. Also, my couches, my holidays, and the assorted people that I’m stalked.
2004: NZ and Aussie Idol.
Holidays in Auckland.
Dancing at Atomic.
2003: The parties we threw, and the final of Buffy.

16. What song will always remind you of 2006?
2008: ‘Sex on Fire’ by the Kings of Leon. I wore myself out wanking to it, it was so hot, and I played it on my ipod to far too many people in bars. It’s dripping and sweaty and hot.
2007: ‘Sunday’ by Bloc Party, because I want it played at my wedding, and because I had to cancel my trip to see them. Also ‘Listen Up’ by the Gossip because their gig was so fucking rad, and because she’s like, a lesbian and shit (OMG!), and because this year I’ve put more of an emphasis on being a good feminist.
2006: ‘Rebellion (lies)’ and ‘Y Control’ because they both make my pulse race, are awesome for gyming to, and because I went to Auckland to see the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Also ‘Sexy/back’ for the time spent with Olivia in San Fran making jokes about it, all of Birds, and anything by Sigur Ros for the brief crush I had early in the year.
2005: ‘Rocket Queen’ by Guns’n Roses. Man I listened to Appetite for Destruction soooooooo many times this year.
2004: That one song on that one album by that one guy that I still refuse to give up on thinking may be about me.
2003: No one song

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Sadder? Maybe? About the same?2007: Happier
2006: sadder. Boo. 2005: Apart from the Oma stress, so much happier. 2004: Much much much happier. 2003: Much much much sadder.
ii. smaller or larger? 2008: Larger. 2007: Larger. Oh well. 2006: Actually, and I think this is the first time I have EVER got to say this, but I think I may actually be SMALLER. Not by a whole lot, but still, holy fucking shit! 2005: Fatter. But working on it. 2004: Fatter.2003: Fatter
iii. richer or poorer? 2008: Poorer. 2007: Despite substantial payrises, poorer. And moving won’t help with that either! 2006: A fuckload richer. But not by my own effort really, apart from changing to a better paying job (I am now earning 22k more than I was at the start of 2003). 2005: I get paid a lot more now than I did in 2004, and yet I am poorer. 2004: Richer. 2003: Poorer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
2008: Exercising
2007: Boxing, swimming and writing.
2006: Dancing. And more boxing! I love boxing. And meeting new people for possible pashage. Heh.
2005: PASHING! Also, yoga. And maybe that I’d started going to the gym earlier.
2004:Selling, socialising, writing.
2003: Exercise, job hunting.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
2008: Obsessing over things, crying over things and spending too much time online not working.
2007: Thinking that I was a bad, untalented person, when I’m actually really not.
2006: Drinking, eating and thinking that no one likes me.
2005: Wanking. Ouch wrist pain. Also: reading stupid fucking websites that I hate and yet cannot stop reading.
2004: Playing stupid online games and wasting time on the Interweb.
2003: Crying.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
2008: We were at Bamji’s, eating far too much.
2007: At my parents’ house, eating too much cheese and playing fun games.
2006: Awesomely! With a many-coursed dinner at my gorgeous house.
2005: well, maybe my aunt will show up and start bitching and Anji will start sulking. Just maybe.
2004: The family came to my house.
2003: Spent it watching ROTK and with KateB’s family.

21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
2008: the phantom fax caller at work. And Kat in Tauranga
2007: I didn’t make many phonecalls at all, actually.
2006: vodafone, trying to top up my prepay by credit card. I can only rmemeber two real conversations on the phone this year, one with KateB when I was drunk and lonely, and the other with Shirley. I miss phone conversations.
2005: I don’t think I spent very much time on the phone with anyone at all. In fact, only Karen and my Mum have my home phone number. Actually, that’s not true at all, Lisa rang me on it today and I was like “Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh?”
2004: I think it’s very telling that there’s a tollbar on the phone here and I’ve never bothered to get a pin for it. Having said that, Heather is good at calling. Also I spent waaaaaaaaaay more time on the phone than I’d like to have beening abused by a particular client.
2003: Before Easter, Tom. After that – hardly anyone.

22. Did you fall in love in 2007?
2008: Not that you’d know about.
2007: Um. There have definitely been some misplaced feelings. But mostly I decided that 2007 was the year for inappropriate crushes, and I’ve been really good at that!
2006: Ummm, that might be a tiny bit of a strong word for it, but there has definitely been a rahter long infatuation. And some other shortlived “you are crazy and leaving the country very shortly but i’d like to pash again” crushes and something that I briefly thought was reciprocated but I was waaaay too passive-aggressive about and was possibly wrong about anyway. Nevermind.
2005: No. But I did enjoy the independence. I had some crushes though. That was nice.
2004: I had an opportunity to reaffirm that I was still in love with the boy from last year.
2003: Sort of.

23. How many one-night stands?
2008: One, a speaker from Webstock. Hotel room of awesome! There were some other pashes and stuff, but they’re all people I’m friends with, apart from the girl at Kowhai’s party, whoever she was. I had thought that there was going to be a question about who was the best kiss, but I must be thinking of another meme. For the record though it was you, it probably was.
2007: Three-ish. There was the Ginge in February, a very nice boy in May that I am still friends with, which is awesome and there’s almost no weirdness there at all except for the time that I made another pass at him at the end of June, there was the girl on my birthday who I jerked around by going to bed with another time after giving her a big “I’m not right for you” speech. And a couple of pashes in there as well – one was very very blurry but was with a boy who has a fiance (I’m pretty sure we pashed, I remember his hand on my waist and I was like “that’s a really weird place for a hand, it’s a very possessive touch), and one was the boy who came in his pants at second base. Which is very flattering of course, but also hilarious.
2006: None. The one boy I pashed wouldn’t even count as a one kiss stand on the grounds of a couple of instances of gropeage afterwards.
2005: Once more with feeling: I DIDN’T HAVE A SINGLE PASH THIS YEAR. I sort of aaaaaaaaaaalmost have a one-night stand, but the boy chose to stay in a strip club instead and then claimed his phone battery went flat. His loss. Only weirdos hit on me this year.
2004: I went to bed with two boys this year but didn’t have sex with either of them. I’d actually been to bed with both of them the year before anyways. One has no place in my life anymore because I don’t need him and he’s not actually good for me, and the other I don’t have contact with simply because he’s in another city and he put a drill through his cellphone on purpose. I’m sure we’d hang out again in the future just as friends though.
2003: Ummm. Only one person that I had sex with this year was someone I’d met for the first time that day and didn’t contact again.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
2008: Rock of Love, Carnivale, Weeds, It’s Always Sunny in Philidelphia and Nevermind the Buzzcocks.
2007: Deadwood, you cocksucker! Also, I got very excited about the first season of Heroes, and also season three of Veronica. It was rad showing Lisa Twin Peaks, and I burn through 90210 like noone’s business. But ironically, of course.
2006: VERONICA MARS! And Rockstar. And Family Guy. There’s nothing else on that’s really compulsory viewing.
2005: Rockstar INXS. Firefly. America’s Next Top Model. It may have been Veronica Mars if I’d ever been home on Fridays to see it. Also: Extreme Home Makeover – I am not ashamed of crying every monday at 8.17pm.
2004: Gilmore Girls, EML, Australian Idol. I am not ashamed.
2003: Buffy (duh), WW, Pasedena, Footballers’ Wives, Queer Eye

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
2008: Hate is such a waste of time.
2007: There are some people that I turn my nose up about, and would rather not see, but seriously, nah, it’s not worth it.
2006: No rational hatred. I have a bunch of people that I’ve decided are my arch nemisisisis, but if I’m honest I don’t even go to the same gym as Vagina Woman anymore, so that basically leaves just a handful of people I’ve decided to dislike for no reason.
2005: No. I alread hated (and when I say ‘hate’, I don’t really mean it) my incredibly generic looking arch nemisis from this year last year. Don’t you just hate it when you see someone you think you hate but it’s actually just some random other blonde pony tailed glassons clone?
2004: Well I didn’t know them this time last year, and I don’t really hate them, just wouldn’t mind getting in a free couple of free punches.
2003: I’m on celepram, hate’s far too strong an emotion for that.

26. What was the best book you read?
2008: I really digged on books by the Sedarises, and the Guns’n Roses biography, but I can’t think of any great pieces of literature I read.
2007: I really liked ‘The Julie/Julia Project’, and ummm, hmmm, there was some book that I didn’t want to end, and I don’t think it was Harry Potter or a rockstar biog. I wish I could remember what it was. OH! The new Douglas Coupland, totally back on form. I can’t remember its name though, and I’m not sure if it’s out yet…
2006: ‘The Timetraveler’s Wife’
2005: ‘The Dirt’!!!!!!!! Or wait, did I read that last year? I get confused. Rockstar biographies in general, I suppose.
2004: ‘The Pirates! And the Adventure with the Scientests’ and ‘House of Leaves’.
2003: ‘Oryx and Crake’

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
2008: I really started liking the Kings of Leon after they shaved off their stupid facial hair, but I don’t think there were any _new_ bands as such this year, just old ones with new songs.
2007: The Gossip, who I have already talked about, and Bloc Party, who I didn’t discover as such this year, but ‘A Weekend In the City’ is my album of the year. Along with ‘Neon Bible’, of course.
2006: The Arcade Fire. Yeah I know they’re old. And also: buying vinyl. And currently I am <3 <3 <3 for the Twilight Singers and am mad as hell that they're only playing in Auckland and it's the week before the Big Day Out.
2005: 'Appetite for Destruction' again. Also, the good tracks from 'Hot Fuss' and 'Absolution' annnnnnnnnnnnnd ummm other music from the server at work.
2004: Many frequent live gigs.
2003: Tom McRae. I love him so.

28. What did you want and get?
2008: Wifi. My tiki shack. Laid. A really solid group of friends. Fame and noteriety on the internets. To go to Webstock. To launch the blog at work.
2007: A new job that challenges me. Cool flatmates. Pretty house things. To get laid. Solid friendships and popularity. TO build my reputation as a hostess.
2006: A new job. Cool flatmates (although fuck I miss Bart. Sigh). To go to America. Artwork and a hard drive DVD player.
2005: A well-paying job with people that I like. A nice flat. Grown-up couches.
2004: A job. A laptop. An iPod. A nice flat. Published writing.
2003: Editorship of the magazine – even if it was only for two and a half issues

29. What did you want and not get?
2008: A wii. Mental health.
2007. A relationship. And a book deal. But I didn’t go for it. Yet. So that’s my bad.
2006: Sexing. To be like hardcore fit by now. But that’s my own fault so I shouldn’t say it all passive-like. To be happy with myself always.
2005: A PASH! A relationship.
2004: Love. Orgasms not by my own hand. A creative job.
2003: Permanent editorship and a steady job.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
2008: I didn’t go to that many films, as per usual. The Dark Knight? Is that too boring?
2007: Ummmmmmmmm I’m terrible at seeing films when they’re current, so I don’t know what came out when. Did ‘Hot Fuzz’ come out this year?
2006: Hmmm. ‘The Prestige’ maybe? Or umm ‘The Departed’. I didn’t see that many films.
2005: ‘Serenity’.
2004: ‘GARDEN STATE!’ Holy fuck yes. Also ‘In My Father’s Den’.
2003: ‘ROTK’, ‘Secretary’

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?>
2008: On my actual birthday when I turned 28, I worked, we went to Caffe Italiano for dinner, and then to Quiz. For my party, we went to Longxiang and then to Taste of Korea for very very drunken karaoke.
2007: On my actual birthday, I woke up entangled with another girl, and Anji came over and brought us coffee, and we went to get brunch and then cleaned up Karen’s house from my Rockstars & Rocktails awesome cocktail party the night before. SO MUCH FUN! And family dinner at umm some place in Thorndon was good too.
2006: I had drinks the night before I turned 26 in which Bart saved the day by playing wingman and distracting an annoying girl, and Shiny grabbed my boobs and made me laugh. Then on the day I had a lovely brunch with my family at Capitol, then had dinner with friends at Cafe Istanbul and then had drinks and saw the Real Hot Bitches dance for the first time.
2005: I turned 25. On my birthday, I was kind of sick from infected mosquito bites, and there was a lump that was growing on my labia. My daddy took me out to lunch at Monsoon Poon, and then we had a dress-up party at work that night at Paradiso. I wore my new stripey pyjamas. The next day I was supposed to have my birthday party, but instead I spent it at the A&E, having my mossie bites scraped open, being shot full of antibiotics and with two South African ladies squeezing my vagina.

2003: I was 23, and I worked, drank up a bar tab adn then went to Canton for dinner with 12 friends. It was wonderful.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
2008: Mental health that would allow me to be productive at work.
2007: To not end it needing to find a new flat. And for my job to progress a little faster than it does.
2006: Not feeling so let down by so many people. And maybe that’s just a change I need to have in my own mind.
2005: A PASH. And umm, pretty much, that’s about it. Some love and affection, a few more friends to play with.
2004: Someone holding me. Please insert the starved for touch like a Romanian orphan simile here.
2003: Do I need to talk about the job thing again?

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
2008: What Would Joan Holloway Wear?
2007: Thanks Torrid! And thanks, black leggings – you make all my short skirts okay.
2006: All about the dresses. Which are regretably too short and must be worn over other skirts or pants. And also: <3 <3 <3 American clothing shops that realise that not all fat chicks are over 50.
2005: I'm finding my own style.Also, BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS.
2004: My discoball necklace was SHR Then until the paint chipped off it. Now it's all about the Pearl Necklaces. I am an accessory queen, especially if it is multicoloured and/or stripey.
2003: I.must.learn.to.accept.my.upper.arms. That and "YAY PINK".

34. What kept you sane?
2008: My psychiatrist, the lexapro, levithyroxine and zopiclone he prescribed, a very understanding workplace that allowed me to disappear from the face of the earth essentially, and the endless patience of my friends.
2007: Going back on celepram, going to a counsellor, identifying what my risk factors are and trying to avoid them. Also the ocean.
2006: St John’s Wort and going to the gym and/or regular bursts of cardio through dancing or other such things at home.
2005: I did. Also, Mum paying for my gym subscription helped.
2004: Sebastian. Heather. Being able to walk 150 steps to go and cry on Karen’s shoulder at work when I needed to.
2003: Sebastian. Andre. The people behind the scenes.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
2008: Simon Amstell
2007: Ummm, I dunno I kinda wanna marry the guy from the River Cottage and go and grow vegetables with him. And it was fun pretending to fancy Damian Christie and freaking out the other Wellingtonistas.
2006: Storm Large! Heh.
2005: Ummmmmmmm. I’m not sure. Jordis Unga? Possibly no one. Possibly the singer Lisa and I want to have bear cubs with. Definitely not Milan anymore.
2004: Zach Braff and the entire cast of the Whedonverse.
2003:Pretty much everyone.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
2008: Obamamania! And the losing fight to the right in NZ. And those motherfucking ALAC ads.
2007: Being a better feminist. And worrying about the election results for next year.
2006: Hopefully aid and development. And the mystery of why anyone in the world would want to have sex with Don Brash. And also public transport and the importance of it.
2005: the General Election, and the scariness of how the fuck can people actually vote Right?
2004: CIVIL UNIONS BILL. Also: the American Election.
2003: Prostitution Reform Bill.

37. Who did you miss?
2008: Kat’n Kane being in Tauranga instead of being here.
2007: I want to hang out with KateH more. And Bart.
2006: EM who was long gone until that two letter reemergence which was a big case of what-the-fuck without closure. Heather who I don’t get to talk to as much anymore. My old workmates when I was still at CWA and they weren’t. Thinking that I had a crush with potential.
2005: Ummmm. No one person really stands out so much. I kind of like the independence of that. But someone to pash, for sure.
2004: Olivia. Auck people. New episodes of Buffy. BenIV.
2003: Tom. Still. Always. BenIV. Me.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
2008: I already knew her, but I got to know Amy a lot better this year through PPP which is rad.
2007: Lani and Kat & Kane. Hurray for flatmates!
2006: Ash! Although I met her last year. And Fia. Oh, and most importanly for my daily life, Smoo and Bart.
2005: Lisa Fur. My workmates.
2004: Jessie. Wow, this is getting written all over the Internet. Also, Katy Troop again.
2003: Iva! Assorted NZm, LJ people and also Jo Again.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007:
2008: Paperwork always needs to get done at some stage.
2007: You’re NEVER going to have everything perfect at once in all areas of your life, so don’t try to.
2006: Always carry a map with you if you plan on going out drinking in Brooklyn. And also if you build it, they might not necessarily come.
[2005: I will survive. Also: exercise CAN be fun. Crazy.
2004: George Foreman grills rock the kitchen.
2003: I am not my employment status. No really. Also: learn when it’s best to cut your losses as soon as possible.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
2008: “We talked about it all night long / we defined our moral ground / but when I crawl into your arms / everything comes tumbling down”
2007: “I love you in the morning, when you’re still hungover / I love you in the morning, when you’re still strung out”. I need to find someone to sing that to me.
2006: “If I loved you endlessly, how could it be wrong? Where did we go wrong?”
2005: “I stayed at this masquerade and had another drink / I was hoping to bring sin to my sheets”
2004: “And nothing else matters when they turn it up LOUD”
2003: “I’d rather be drunk with myself now
Than alone in a crowd”

Lots and lots of stuff is going on right now. First and most important to you is that I will be selling my stuff at Zinefest. You should come along, say hi and buy my zines and sugar scrub. And yes, in case you’re wondering, if I slept with you prior to 2007, you will be in 101 Stories but possibly only a very small part. Heh. I said “small part”.

I am so grown up. I sorted out my magazines yesterday night, along with some other form of grown-up activity. I umm ummm okay, maybe I just shivered under a duvet on the couch. BUt you know, I ate vegetables for dinner, so that’s grown up. I wish I had a camera to post a photo of all my Qs in chronological order, their red spine numbers just above the lilac boxes that they’re in, and then there are my Bitch and Busts in pink boxes, along with the sadly finito Jane, Frankie, and Yen. Then there’s a whole shelf full of Metro and some green boxes full of assorted music magazines and “culture” things. And the Next that I was in and the New Idea with Penny’s wedding in it. You do care what magazines I read, you know, because I am sitting here trying to define myself for you. And also making a note for myself in later years to remember that now is when I have decided to put a lot more effort into being a feminist. As long as you define “effort” as “reading the magazines and making sure that I never shy away from the word”. The back cover of the 10th anniversary of Bitch made me cry at the awesomeness of a reader deciding to spend $3800 on buying it to support the magazine. And then when I spent much of the last weekend in bed reading them and Q I also got all choked up hearing Athlete’s ‘Wires’ for the first time, about the singer’s premature daughter, which tapped in to the many many baby thoughts that I have been having lately. But more about that later, perhaps.

We still haven’t found a flatmate. Quite frankly, I’m fucking loving the quiet around here when there’s so much going on in my life. It’s so good and peaceful. But I really can’t afford to keep paying $254 a week in rent, no sirree. The fact that so many people have come over and not wanted it has got me down a little, like WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME? But not that down.

I went and saw my counsellor today, for the titular spring-cleaning of my head. I’d really wanted to see her a couple of weeks ago, but she was away on holiday, so I thought I’d go now before I start my new job and work miles away and all. I got the most awesome surprise though, when I told her about my new work, because it turns out that not only do they subscribe to EAP too, which means that I can get 3-5 free sessions if I need them but she’s also based at their offices every other Wednesday to do drop-in appointments. That is so fucking rad. I’m hoping I won’t actually need to see her very often, but it’s so great to know how easy it will be for me if I do. We talked about my abandonment issues, and about my sex life, and my Hard Career Decision to take up my new job instead of staying where I am, and how it’s been freaking me out to get so much praise lately, but how it’s helped me to realise that I’m actually quite good and capable. And we talked about what I need to do in order to keep my head in order (more exercise, and how excited am I about the prospect of swimming in the sea again? SO excited), and when I talked about how I feel like I’m being held hostage by my body lately, like it’s deliberately keeping my periods from me, we talked about how right now I think I will adopt children because I can’t imagine going off my meds and how I am scared shitless of postnatal depression, and she told me that there are very specific medical programmes to help people like me with that sort of issue if I change my mind at a later date. And that was nice to hear.

Tomorrow is the last day of my contract. We’re going out for dinner afterwards. I’m going to be incredibly sad to leave. I will have to treat the whole time I had there as a beautiful summer fling that was too good to last. Stupid taking care of my career and seeking out new mental challenges! Then again, my manager and I went through every single piece of paper on my desk today left over from predecessors and filed them all. My biggest filing pile was ‘R’ for ‘Recycle’. If only I could be so ruthless at home.

On Saturday after ZineFest, Miss Lisa is having her birthday party here. You should come along. The man in a bearsuit on her invitations was so good it made me embarrass myself in front of Luke Buda (yes, it was her MS Paint skills, not the wine that emboldened me). I want to write about what I got her for her birthday and what that meant I bought myself, but I will wait. Then next Saturday I’m going to Bar Camp. I don’t know what I’ll talk about yet, if anything. But seeing as how my new boss is speaking, it’s probably a good idea. And then on the 19th I’m going to another conference. I would kill for a sleep in at this stage. Sunday I plan on staying in bed all damn day. You’re all welcome to join me in my lovely black & white linen.

Right now I’m watching Watch This Space and downloading the tracks I like, which is awesome (I will buy albums if they strike me a lot). I just read a review of Fireworks Night that describes them and the Arcade Fire as “baroque-pop”. Brilliant! And yes, I’m totally going to try and use the word ‘Baroque’ in Scrabulous. But it’s time to go back to Lisa’s Outrageous Fortune DVDs and pull the duvet up, because hot damn, it’s cold. See you Saturday, yes?

Do you ever get the impression that I spend most of my life looking for either my camera or my camera cables? Yeah? Me too. Right now it’s my cables, so I can show you photos of my pre-Saturday night. But instead I will have to talk to you about it. Oh the pain.

Luckily I have a darling friend who carries her camera almost everywhere with her, so I can steal her photos and say “this is what I was doing around midnight on Friday night”:
.

Yes, that’s right, I was encouraging boys to jump off the plank with me. Lisa also took a photo of me, but come on, you think I’m going to put a photo of me in my togs online when it’s quite possibly the least flattering but most awesome shot ever? I even jumped off the plank a second time in order to facilitate that photo, because it turned out the tide was high enough that the bottom rung of the ladder was under water so I could actually climb out and back up again. Lisa made a new friend while Dyl and I swam, in the form of some random emo guy who wandered down to the lower dock where she was and stood there smoking cigarettes, it was a little strange.

Earlier we’d been at Tupelo, and there was a boy who rubbed me up the wrong way with some of his comments about how when he found out a guy at his work was gay he was very not keen to go to the bathroom at the same time. I was like “Do you think I’m hitting on you right now?” and he was like “Huh?” and I was like, “well, I like boys, so obviously I want to fuck you right now, right?” and my friend started cracking up because he could see that his friend was going to dig himself deeper and deeper. I was kind of bored, so I really dived right in with the logic. He tried to excuse himself with a “but in the bathroom there are penises” and I was all “well I like girls but when I’m at the gym, I’m not all “oooh I can see your vagina, I am so aroused right now”" and he tried the “well after I found out I still talked to him, I still invited him to parties” and I was like “OH MY GOD! i take it all back. You found out he was gay and yet you still treated him like a human being. You deserve a fucking medal, buddy”. Then Dave started playing porn on his laptop and when I got up, I leant on the far end of the table, and the other end came flying up and beer went all over his lap, and so he ran away. I would feel worse about it, because I really really hadn’t meant to spill the beer – but the total and utter glee and smiles on Lisa’s face when she came into the bathroom to high-five me made me so happy that I don’t feel as bad about it as I should. My other lesson from the night is that you shouldn’t let the new waitress at Harem try to make you cocktails because they will taste like Raro.

I was going to make Saturday Jo Day, but then I had leftover pizza to eat from Wednesday and Scar tissue to read (I’m no RHCP fan, but you know how I do so love the rockstar bio), so I didn’t go out for brunch. Instead, because Lani’s golf game got cancelled, I went out to PIRATE MINI GOLF with her since it was such a gorgeous day. We thought about waking up Smoo to make him come with us, but I don’t think he would have appreciated that. I ended up beating Lani by two points, because I got a hole-in-one on the second-to-last hole which she took six to get. Hurrah! I took lots of photos, but on my disposable camera, which is weeeeeeeeeeeeird because you can’t see what you’re doing! It’s like, all random luck! Strange! It was like using a rotary telephone. Then we went to Kaizen at Pataka Museum for coffee, and planned out our herb garden. But it was so fucking hot that we went to Lyall Bay instead of the garden centre, and I floated on the very very calm ocean until I touched a jellyfish and felt icky.

Back at home we decided to have a blind tasting session of the four kinds of Coruba Gold RTDs that I’d received a coupon for in the mail (see, there are some rewards for suggesting the most awesome Pirate Party that $50,000 would buy even if you didn’t get anyone to vote for it). The ginger ale was the most drinkable, and the energy drink was disguuuuuuuuuusting. But we wrote very wanky wine-style notes on each, which I’d replicate here if it didn’t involve getting up to find the piece of paper. As Lani got drunker, she became more and more convinced that Coruba should hire us to work for them. She also became more and more Adam Ant that we needed to play Cluedo. Since there were only two of us, because we’d ascertained that Smoo wasn’t actually still sleeping, we couldkn’t play her new video version, but at her insistence I slipped the magnetic travel version into my handbag when we set off for a party on Webb st her workmate was having.

I didn’t find the party very interesting, but there was very tasty caramel slice. Lani tried to pressgang everyone into playing Cluedo, and eventually we found a couple of willing Americans. Turns out it was Mrs. Peacock in the lounge with the dagger. Who knew? Lani did. We left the party, and debated going to Havana, but decided that what we really wanted to do was go home and have an encore of dinner (spaghetti with garlic, chilli and parsley) and watch Buffy. I should stress that it was her idea, not mine!

Today I woke up at 10.30am and spent two hours finishing off Scar Tissue before heading in to town for a slightly disappointing brunch at Ernesto consisting of fennel & carrot gluten-free toast, hash browns, bacon, mushrooms and black beans. I had to ask for butter for the toast, the hash browns were a little gluggy and the beans weren’t all that warm, but the coffee was great. I know they can do better, so hopefully it was just a once-off kitchen lapse. Then I went to Plastic Box (heh) for crates to tidy up our hallway with, and ended up spending $100 on a CD rack. But it is the KING of CD racks, let me assure you. It’s more like a full-on bookshelf. All my CDs will fit on it, and they’ll look all pretty and neat rahter than being scattered around in various vessels as they are now, and there’s room to grow, and oh, I just know that if my CDs are all neat and ordered and arranged to perfection then people will like me better and I will regain the control over my life that I felt has slipped a bit this week. And so of course then I went to Real Groovy to spend some vouchers. I was very very tempted to buy The Gossip, partly because of the awesomeness of the cover artwork, and partly because I like to think that I look like Beth Ditto does in the ‘Standing in the way of control’ video when I’m dancing, although I’m sure I don’t. But in the end, I got what I’d gone in for – the new Bloc Party, and the Cold War Kids, and also I found a really cheap American Music Club, all on CD and not vinyl, for a change. And I asked at the counter after the new Arcade Fire, and they told me how awesome it was and then ran all over the shop trying to find it, and eventually they did, and I was like, hurrah!

I was supposed to go to the garden centre with Lani then, but I felt very very Uggggggggh all of a sudden, so I ran (drove) to the ocean instead to try and shake it out. Lyall Bay was very shallow today, but the waves were big (and filled with black-legged jellyfish, dammit) so I got some good dunks. Then I floated for a while and eventually realised I was out of my depth and paniced briefly, and swam against the current back to where I could stand. That actually made me happy, that the survival instinct still kicked in even though the noise in my head was rising up and up and up and I don’t know why. I mean yes, I’m mango like crazy so surely I will bleed soon, and there’d been an unsettling email thing that’s been all sorted out now, and I realised that I hadn’t taken my pill, but bleh, not fun. So it was nice to come home and sit on the front steps with Lani and trim back old herbs and hope that they’ll grow and grow and grow. We’ve talked about starting a worm farm too. I kind of wonder why she’s so happy to make so many plans with me, like what do I have to offer her as a friend, and I’m thinking that about other people too, why do they put up with me, what can i do for them, and so on and so forth. This is also about how I haven’t been to counselling in almost three weeks, and so I haven’t sat down and provided clear examples (it’s the essay writer in me) of ways that I make other people feel good. But I can think of some of them, honest. Drinking two nights in a row – even if I didn’t get drunk (there’s that Citalapram drink tolerance kicking in) is not a good idea, I suspect.

Anyways, onwards and upwards. Tomorrow I’m cooking a roast and we’re having people over for DVD Cluedo. On the weekend I’m going away for a romantic weekend with my parents (insert hand/fist slapping motion here, suggesting that the family who lays together stays together), and then the weekend after that is a Wellingtonista get-together with secret plans and clever tricks. And somewhere in between I might get to clean the house. Maybe. OooH! I think Lani has tennis on Tuesday night and Smoo’ll probably be working so that’ll be clean time for me. What a thing to get excited about…

Edit: I must also add that right after I saw Rockstar: Supernova’s new ‘Head Spin’ video on TV (and Gilby’s guitar-playing sucks more than the original), I got a text from Annabel telling me that she just saw Lukas having his hair cut in Newmarket. Hahaha! Awesome.

Jimmy Supergood asked me the other day why I wasn’t updating Hubris anymore, and I had to tell him that it wasn’t really intentional, but I’ve been waiting to finish writing about my American exploits, and those are such long stories that I haven’t felt up to writing them, and I haven’t wanted to update until I got myself up to date, and oh the vicious circleness of it. So here I am, updating. And I will tell American stories later.

Firstly, sorry to Shayne Carter for making him feel violated (or, apparently torn between violated and flattered). Secondly, The Wellingtonista of which I am of course part, have launched their First Annual Wellingtonista Awards for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence so it would be awesome if you would go and vote for them, and also if you should feel like it, join us for our awards ceremony on December 1, in a secret venue which we will inform you of when you vote. And it’s totally not secret just because we haven’t picked a place, oh no. That would suggest a level of casualness and uninformity of which we are not at.

Sentence construction is a little hard for me now as I have been sitting on the front steps all afternoon basking in the gorgeous sunshine, aided by one admittedly large vodka lime and soda and so I am more than a little dizzy – and also in need of a good neck massage but I suspect that’s on a different note. This weekend has been fairly low-key. On Friday, all our managers were away on a retreat, so we got an email about “when the cats are away…” which meant BYO food and drinks to our communal eating area. It was bucketing down with rain which meant I walked through Kirks on my way to Rumbles to buy booze, and was drawn into the chocolate and wine shop hoping for free samples of chocolate. Instead I was waylaid into doing a tasting, and when the man said “I make the wine..” I was like, oh, it’s the actual winemaker, I suppose I should buy a bottle then. And of course Kirks are too wanky to put visible prices on things (as I told someone later that night, the last time I actually went into Kirks proper instead of their related food shops was in sixth form to buy stay-up tights for the ball, and they looked down their noses at me so much that I resolved not to go back ever) so I ended up buying a $29 bottle of Tohu Pinot Noir when really I was after something for around $12 that I could leave behind. Stink. Of course, that meant I had to stay and drink it all, which was good in a way because it meant I talked to many people I’d never talked to before, and apart from people talkijng about my father (because where I work is a place that people work for for life, and so therefore even though Daddy hasn’t been there for ten years or something (someone asked me why he left and I know the answer is for Mum)) I learnt lots about other people. Still no rich husband prospects though. I guess I should expect that, working for the government and all.

Consequently, having drunk all but a glass of that tasty tasty pinot noir within an hour and a half (I shared the love), I was a trifle tipsy by the time I arrived at Tupelo to meet Karen and Dylan, but I think I managed not to come across as such too much. Karl and Amber joined us later and had the brilliant suggestion of going to umm Siam Reap (?) for dinner. They were full at the time, but took my number and said they’d call in a half hour or so, so I suggested we go grab a drink at Mighty Mighty, which I’d (of course) just found out about on Wellurban. Guess who I’m voting for as best Welly Web Writer? Mighty Mighty was very cool, and I got to wave to my old flatmate Justine from Newtown there. I like that they offer about four kinds of house wine named only by kind, and that you can also get cask wine for $5. And it’s so green and pretty! And the bathroom is painted the same cotton candy pink that the bathrooms at Occam are. Yes. And then we got the call from Siam Reap so Karen and I went to buy wine while the others finished their drinks, but motherfucking Starmart in Manners Mall had its locked-up screens down becasue the guy behind the counter looked younger than 18. That’s so fucking lame, and made me rully rully angry. Luckily the restaurant was licensed, and with an $8 per bottle corkage, it probably wasn’t much more expensive anyway. I’d never been before, but holy fuck it was tasty. My medium beef salad seemed much hotter, but my curry main was much easier eating. And so damn tasty, oh yes.

Afterwards Karl and Amber went home and Karen, Dylan and I went back to Mighty Mighty where we found a wide windowsill to sit on and proceeded to make fun of people for what felt like a couple of hours. He was all “it’s so funny how nasty girls get as soon as they see another girl in a miniskirt” so we took the time to explain to him that it wasn’t just that this girl’s skirt was so short we could see out her nostrils, but also that it looked like a pillowcase and that it had obviously been a really nice knee-length frock that she’d tacked up inside it. So it wasn’t just the tartiness of it, it was also the ugliness. We were less chastised for making fun of an older lady who was pulling people onto the floor with her scarf and making them dance with her. I was rather inclined to tap one hipster on the shoulder and say “dude, you’re going home to a sweeeeet threesome!” when his girlfriend was kidnapped away from him, but I was afraid he would think I was including myself in the equation. I also saw James who edited Salient this year, who with a couple of bear hugs made me feel much better about whoever the anonymous person posting nasty comments about my skills as an ad manager being responsible for VUWSA’s financial difficulities on another website (because yes, I never said I was a good salesperson, but seriously, if you’re going to write something like that then get enough fucking balls to put your name to it, lamer), and tried very hard to avoid the attention of The Mime, although it was amusing to see him as it inspired a whole round of “help me, I’m trapped in a box!” type posing. Then we spotted a guy with a German flag badge on each shoulder and for some reason that just really got my goat, so I encouraged Karen to teach Dylan the phrase “Do you have an old washing machine?” in German to ask the boy, in some kind of “Ha! You’re like, not even German!” cheekiness. I didn’t hink Dyl was actually going to get around to asking him, but he did, making the boy even more confused by miming a cigarette while asking. The boy was like “Huh?” and brushed him aside. Ten minutes later on our way out I decided to repeat the experiment, without the cigarette, and was rewarded with a “oh, Deustch, nien!!!” combined with much miming and pointing to his flags and shaking of his head. He he he! Oh II adore the fact that I can now often keep a straight face even whilst doing very silly prank type things.

On Saturday I had brunch with Anji and Delwin at Mojo, and then for dinner Lisa and I went to the Mediterranean warehouse where she became obsessed with the Pinnochio figures. We watched Thirteen and I didn’t blub nearly as much as I did the first time, although there are still many many things about that movie that hit home with me. Today I have sat in the sun and read Q, and did two lots of washing. Yes, it’s big time excitement around here indeedy. But I must wholeheartedly recommend Neil Jordan’s Shade to you – as a reviewer says “Why does he bother writing movies when he can write books this well?”, and just as another example of how late to the party I am (have you heard about this awesome new band called the Arcade Fire?), I also loved The Great Gatsby as well. And that’s all.

There’s a $351 amount on my credit card right now from spending ten minutes on the phone this morning and a half hour researching on Monday. Why do I tell you this? Well because a 50 litre keg of Mac’s Gold will be delivered to my house on Saturday, and I need you to come and help me drink it. And pay for it. I’m a little scared that no one is going to come to this Country Club, because after all, everyone hates America. I don’t know why though, I mean, America is like, awesome. So you should come on Saturday, because there will be fraternities and sororities (you should totally pledge to Gamma Gamma Gamma), and American food, and illegal hazing, and vodka shots, and beer beer beer. And maybe Showgirls and/or The Breakfast Club. It starts at 8pm. Like, awesome!

This week I am all about being aware of my body. Partly this is because I’m about to get my first period since like, April, and I’m crampy as fuck, especially in the o moment, and my boobs are insanely sore. Stupid fucking cold weather. In better in touch with my body news, I can feel my stomach muscles! Apparently there’s muscles in there. Who knew? I mean, obviously you can’t see them, and it’s not like the blubber’s going to stop jiggling any time soon, but I can feel something working when I do my sit-ups or leg lifts or remember to lean back when I’m doing lat pull-downs. I’m astonished. It’s a good feeling. And now I will shut up about this crap after I remind myself that I’m starting boxing tomorrow and I really need to get a fucking sports bra like six months ago. Stupid small boob-to-back ratio.

Things that I have done recently included having martinis with some of the fine people from the Wellingtonista. It was terribly civilised, proper and grown up. I also traded 101 Stories with Martha for something from Babylicious which is Aotearoa-made baby clothes. It was all very civilised and grown-up, which was lovely, but when I snuck out to join my cows and ex cows at the Poon I was like “Phew, now I can say ‘vagina’ again lots”, and two ladies sitting on the balcony gave me dirty looks as they left. Hah! We then tried to have dinner at Sweet Mother’s Kitchen but it was fuuuuuuuuuull so we ended up at Boulot, you know, just for a change, prompting much discussion about how weird it was to be there before midnight. The pizza was as always still good though, but there was something weird going on with me because I stopped drinking around 10pm and was almost falling out of my chair with tiredness by midnight. Very very unlike me. As a postscript, I had lunch at Sweet Mother’s yesterday and they have fish tacos. Heh heh heh. I had beef ones though that were rather tasty, and I think the place has a lot of potential.

Saturday meant a cocktail party for my workmate’s Hens’ Party, thankfully sans stripper. It was held at the house of one of my company directors, who happens to my workmate’s mother, and everyone had to bring a bottle that was assigned to them. I stepped up to the blender and made many fantastic concoctions, including my first ever mojitos, not in the blender. Maybe I should become a bartender when I grow up. Or perhaps a mixologist.

Before I went to the cocktail party, I spent a very enjoyable day sorting through my newer CDs to decide which ones I wanted to keep (not many of them), then eating a leisurely breakfast with the paper at Coco, and then browsing Real Groovy for hours as they figured out my trades. For $2.75 out of pocket I bought Funeral new on CD for Karen (to go with Birds as her birthday present, although after I bought Birds I realised I had to keep it for myself because it had a DVD and Karen doesn’t have a TV, but luckily I was furnished with another copy, thanks doll), and then on vinyl I bought Interpol’s Turn on the Bright Lights new, and Beth Orton’s Central Reservation which is curiously spread across two records, but is nice to listen to while doing the semi daily yoga-ish stretches and it doesn’t remind me of 2000 anymore which is super good, and The Dark Side of the Moon and one of the Tour of Duty soundtracks. I <3 the trade-in, although that was like 16 CDs worth. I guess you get what you pay for. Or what you don't, in this case.

On Sunday we went to Capitol for Karen's birthday dinner. The girl serving us wasn't as fantastic as the usual staff, but the food was still all very good and I was well happy with the Jim Barry shiraz that we had after a pretty bland Mt Nelson sav. It turned out that the witloof in the chorizo, almond and witloof salad was really really bitter. I didn't see that one coming! Because apparently I am an idiot.

Last night we had flat dinner, although the idea of sitting around the dining room table was nixed in favour of sitting around the lounge table on account of that being where the heater was at. I thought the weather had got all nice and mild, but man I was wrong wrong wrong. Then the boys went and got out Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang and it was just as good second time around. Movies that have their characters arguing with each other about adverbs while trying to solve crime and accidently killing people make me hot.

Today at work I am doing more phone support for this website that I now work on quite a lot, which in a “the internet is too small” twist, this young lady does as well, except from the other end. I’m also writing lists of things that I need to do but can’t really be bothered doing, and I’m trying to stay away from TWOP forums so that I don’t get any spoilers on tonight’s episode of Rockstar: Supernova. You can tell that it’s okay to be into Rockstar because Russell Brown said so. Sort of. And on that note, it’s time for me to go and get back to work. Awesome. But I will see you on Saturday, right? RIGHT?

It’s Friday, I’m in love at home
Last Friday night, I didn’t go out. Yes, I know. I was pretty sure that the world was going to implode too. But the one boy left at work who goes out drinking had some mysterious function on (he refused to tell me what it was, apart from a gay pride parade, but I don’t believe him. I am instead suspecting that he’s been drafted in to sell Amway), and I didn’t want to have to make contact with the ex-cows, because eww, boys have cooties (or BIRD FLU) and all that. However, my being lame at homeness provided me with the opportunity to do the supermarket shopping, tidy the house in preperation for vacuuming the next day and spend some quality time with Bart, so that was nice.

Big in Japan, alright / pay, then I’ll sleep by your on my side
It was quite exciting to get up on Saturday morning and start preparing for a Country Club whilst not being hungover. Yeah that’s right, I said morning. And I also said not hungover. You can faint now. But yes, I managed to be so organised that I even had time to go and have coffee with Karen during my errand-running to pick up Singstar Original, ’80s and Rock and bottles of Asahi and Kirin and sexy big cans of Sapporo from Regional Wines and Spirits. Can I just put out a huge big pile’o love for Regional’s website, which is so damn handy when it comes to planning Country Clubs since they list all their stuff by region? Even if the guy at the checkout did pick up my beer bottles and examine them to say “oh, this one’s made in Thailand, this one’s made in Australia…” while I put my hands over my ears and went “LA LA LA LA LA”. Apparently he also did exactly the same thing to Mike when he and Kart were stocking up.

I dressed up as a slutty schoolgirl (gee, that was hard), and went to pick up Lisa and Beverly, and then Karen who was dressed as a ninja, and then Anji and Delwin who were Harajuku girls. We started out Country Club in the dining room, where I handed out specially purchased pieces of paper and pens and instructed people to write Haiku and give Tentacle Porn a go while Karen and I threaded up sticks of yakitori (LITERALLY barbecued chicken, but we also made vege skewers) in the kitchen. What exactly is tentacle porn, you ask? Well I will answer by sucking Lisa’s “bandwidth” (heh) to repost images of her artwork. I hope she doesn’t mind. She shouldn’t, because you can’t even see her hands in these pictures:

.

Then we ran out of chairs, as more and more people arrived, so I moved everyone through to the lounge to watch My Neighbor Totoro. I think people were perhaps a little too drunk at that stage to appreciate the simple beauty of the movie, and the absolute radness of the Nekobasu. Philly-steins (Hells yeah, cheese steak and beer. This is my special shout-out to Brad, although I don’t think he reads Hubris, so I can cut’n paste it into an email for him.)! But they were of course, drunk enough for karaoke, and oh how we all rocked that microphone mightily. Well, Katy mostly fell asleep. But others rocked it long and hard. Lisa as the last person to leave left just after 5am. In the time inbetween, glass was broken, many things spilled, so many wacky snacks were consumed, I punched Bart in the face after he took off his glasses and asked me to, and he showed Lisa his Chuck Norris tentacle. I’m shocked. SHOCKED. It was a fucking kickass country club, that’s for sure.

In the cold light of morning afternoon while everyone’s yawning cleaning you’re high tired

The next day I ran away to hide at my parents’ place instead of cleaning up, under the guise of feeding Pixie and doing laundry. I discovered that they had Live8 on their DVD hard drive, so I went through the whole thing, going “fucking wow” at many of the performances (Pink Floyd, Bjork, ummm some others) and scratching my head at many others. And I wondered why the hell they didn’t set out to collect money along with names, because surely they could have raised some amount, even as a side project. Yeah I know i’m nearly a year late to this party. Shoosh.

I’d been just about to cry when I left the house because I was tired, and hungover, and I couldn’t find my glasses. In the grand search for the glasses, however, Bart finally unearthed my long-missed camera cables, so I’m proud to present a selection from the past couple’o months, although you might be best to go look at them directly in Flickr:

Random people who were also at Kai in the City when we were there with Sarah’s Hens’ Party

The Chocolate Mooooooooooooooooooooooooooosse from Canadia at the Country Club

Karen, Bart’s friends and Bart at his Mexican party. As it says in the notes in my flickr account, one of the girls is wearing a note that says “in case of fire, I put out”, which I think is awesome

Russ and Smoo, looking somewhat worse for wear

Spent the afternoon whole day in bed, trying to figure out what it was you said
Queen’s Birthday Monday was dedicated to listening to Tommy which I had pinched from my parents’ overflowing record cabinet, and devouring The Method Actors, which is a book about a fucked up bunch of people living in Tokyo, and it makes me want to box up all my possessions and stick them in storage, and go live the high life over there, teaching English or hostessing or some such nonsense. Just as well I’m not a skinny blonde or I would actually be seriously considering it. I don’t know how I clicked over from hating Japan and all it stood for in my life to craving it. Perhaps it’s because in the book people meet at Hatchiko, and go to Almond Corner in Roppongi, and they draw maps that go past the 109 building, and Tokyu Hands, and Seibu Loft, and oh oh oh I haven’t finished the book yet, but I’m hoping that they will at some stage need to visit the New Zealand embassy so I can see it again through the author’s eyes.

Working nine to five nine twentyish to five thirtyish, what a way to make a living
I have now seen a cow-orker naked. Unfortunately, it wasn’t any of the ones that I want(ed) to see with their clothes off though. Stupid Peti suggesting another woman from work should join my gym. I hate people who talk to me at the gym. I’m there to escape, to replace the noise in my head with the Arcade Fire, or Shihad, or the Walkmen or Britney Spears or whatever else spins up on my ‘Work it out’ playlist, not make chit chat. Yeah that’s right, I said stupid Peti, and I’m glad that she’s leaving. You hear me, Rebbecca? Heh. Boo-urns to the last person on my floor that I have regular conversations with leaving. Sigh. But like, good for her and stuff.

Something’s cooking, I’m at the griddle electric wok
Tonight for family night, I will be making Papas Garbanzo for Bart and Smoo and Lisa. And then we’re going to play Pictionary, cos that’s what families do. Assuming that I do actually have Pictionary. I’m not sure if the board is in the box. Or indeed if I even have the box anymore. And Twister might not work in these jeans. Or even these genes.

One week and two days until my birthday. Woo!

My daily dialogue – both aloud and in my head – is currently peppered with the phrase “suck a fuck, you ass hat”. It’s great. It makes everything seem better when you can call the people who wrong you (rightly or wrongly) an ass hat.

You’re sitting in my favourite seat on the bus? Suck a fuck, you ass hat.

Or:

Oh, so you decided to stop reply to text messages because you’re seeing someone now, and you thought hey, passive rejection of someone who’s been passive-aggressively pursuing you is awesome? Suck a fuck, you ass hat.

Or:

You’ve got a new job which means there’ll be even fewer people to hang out with here? Suck a fuck, you ass hat.

Or:

My new boots are going to take a couple of weeks to come into stock? Suck a fuck, you ass hat.

Or:

It’s been three weeks now and what, I don’t deserve it? I know you got my last email, I typed the address on it perfect. Suck a fuck, you ass hat.

Or:

You drank my gingerbeer? Suck a fuck, you ass hat.

In the last case, I should take it back, because I later found my gingerbeer further back in the fridge. And of course, the awesome almighty power of the phrase, much like that of the panda dance, should only be used for good, not evil, and it mustn’t be abused.

Discoveries of the past week have included that fact that gravy on fries is super super tasty after all, and that Tiffany was Canadian. Apparently. We played Headbands at Canadia, and I was like “Okay, so I’m Canadian, I’m not a musician, I’m not an actor, I’m not a politician, I’m not a sportsperson and I’m not really a comedian, what the hell am I famous for then?” and then I laughed and realised who I was and laughed heartily. We didn’t watch a movie because the store didn’t have Southpark. Instead we just ate pancakes that took me an hour and a half to make because it was a quadruple batch, and a quadruple batch of chocolate mousse, and poutine(ish). Mmm poutineish. I have to say though, that I am still constantly surprised and disappointed by people who don’t tell me that they’re not coming. I mean, it takes 30 seconds to send a text message, and it’s free, so I don’t get what their excuse could be. Unless it’s me sending back nasty replies, but I don’t do that. Much.

The Phoenix Foundation were awesome later that night, but my belly was so full of Canada still that I couldn’t dance to the Mysterious Tapeman, and then my feet were screaming in agony leftover from the pancake-making, and I just wanted the gig to end. Luke Buda at Caberet on Sunday night was lovely and sitting down though, along with a $45 banquet from Chow. I took Mummy and Daddy along, as well as Lisa of course, and they enjoyed themselves thoroughly, which is grand.

What are my other things that I’ve been up to this week? I cried and cried and cried watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition because it was a really political episode (yeah I know, random huh?) so along with the usual chick crack thing, I was crying for soldiers who aren’t Jessica Lynch and who therefore don’t get all the attention and cash-in, and I was crying about social injustice and I was crying cos the kid was so very fat,and how the hell does a kid get to be that fat? I mean, I was overweight, but I ate nutritiously at least. It wasn’t until we moved to Japan that I really porked up, and that was me making my own choices (“hey, at least food will be my friend…”). That kid was like six. Oh well. I prefer my chick crack to be much simpler and less of the making me think variety please.

Haha, did I really just write a paragraph about Extreme Makeover: Home Edition that didn’t also include the sentence “I’m due for my period soon so…”? I guess I did. Who knows where my period has gone. I’m pretty sure I’ll be giving birth to the anti-Christ any day now. That might explain why I’ve spent so much time on Myspace recently, including starting a group for the Country Club which you should totally join.

Right now I am full of lunchtime yum char with workmates, which was surprisingly more yum than I had been expecting, and full of plans to move tonight’s drinks from Ponderosa to Red Square, using the excuse of the weather but primarily because I always have a bad night if I go to Ponderosa, so frankly it can suck a fuck. And that brings us around in a nice circle, so I might sign off from this entry.

I came home about 10.30pm last night, and the kitchen was absolutely spotless, so I immediately asked Bart to marry me. He said yes so I walked back out to my parents’ car and they gave me a cheque for three grand, and I showed it to him and he said “well, I guess we’d better get a wriggle on then”. But then I decided to pay off my credit card with the cheque instead, since he hadn’t actually caught the mouse that we apparently have in the kitchen which was the reason for his cleaning. And yes, that’s right, I’ve had a credit card for under a month and I already have over three grand on it. But I also have tickets to America figuratively in my hot little hands, so that’s okay.

And I was home that late at night because Anji and I had gone to Capitol for a bottle of wine (I <3 Capitol, the service is outstanding, and the toilets smell so good, and the bruschetta is yum), and then we'd joined up with the rest'o the family at Hazel, where much more jolly awesome wine was drunk, and mountains of tasty tasty food eaten. I am currently craving more squid rings from there, and I don't even like squid. Perhaps I am pregnant. With the second coming.

If you're wondering why I am so much more chipper in this post than I was in Tuesday's, well it appears that the one/two emotional gut punch of watching 'The Body' and 'The Gift' together paid off. Well, that and large doses of the Arcade Fire, St John's, exercise, listening to 'Kim' on repeat (geez, why are you so angry, Marshall?) and all twelve episodes of the unbelieveable hip hopera Trapped in the Closet, which is just so fucking wow that it deserves another round of Holy Fucking Crap!.

Other things of note that I have been up to lately? Hosting the work quiz last Friday. After much debate about the amount of wine we were to have, we did end up running out. My arms ached from carrying eight bottles one block, so in a way maybe it’s better we didn’t have more. The quiz went well, even though I was having initial “no one likes me!” thoughts at the number of attenders, although we ended up filling the room very well. On Saturday I went to see the Dukes of Leisure play at the Carter Observatory, and I was drinking straight vodka from a small bottle, and it was all misty with lamp posts on the way there like Narnia, and we had pillows and got to lie down, and I got to have snuggles with first Anji and then Karen and we all know that I’m a Romanian orphan starved for physical affection so that was nice, and I fell in love with the man who gave us a star tour, because I love story-tellers, and they made us popcorn in the middle, and the music was good too and oh, it was just great and I was crazy giggly, and that amused me muchly. On Sunday I went to a private screening of The Imposters which was hilarious, and found out various bits of gossip that I might reprint here if I could be bothered footnoting it but I can’t, and I just felt choice.

Tomorrow is Canadia, as I’ve mentioned before, and then The Phoenix Foundation at Indigo, and then on Sunday Luke Buda at Caberet. And now it is nearly 5.30 so I must put on lip gloss and harrass the boys downstairs until they come out for a drink with me. My feet hurt from being an escort to a group of people who came to look at the clever things that we do at work. And then one of the directors referred to me as a handmaiden. That’s a lawsuit waiting to happen…

Weekend

Easter went by far too quickly. I was super tired on Saturday, although not nearly as hungover as I should have been. On Sunday I was in a really bad overthinking mood, so I went to the gym. This just in: exercise is the new sex. It’s how I can switch off my brain for short, sweaty bursts. Then I drove up to my parents’ house in Ngaio to see Pixie, who was super happy to see me, and shower in their tremendously endowed-with-water shower. I fixed my pyjamas so that you can no longer see my pajimba through the hole in the crotch and did two loads of washing and drying. I read the paper, ate their food and Brad came over to watch Veronica Mars, except that their DVD Recorder is all expensive and complicated, and I don’t think they’ve cracked it so we couldn’t watch Region 1s on it. So we watched House of Daggers instead which was leftover from China, and had hilarious hijinks trying to turn off the dubbing and turn on the English subtitles with the non-intuitive remote. We ended up laughing ourselves silly because the best I could manage was English for the Hearing Impaired, so every so often we’d get “Romantic Oriental plays” – “Music intensifies” subtitles. Thank heavens they told us how we needed to be feeling at that time! After he left I ordered pizza and watched Faster Pussycat, Kill! Kill! and decided that I need to join a girl gang. It was nice to get out of the house.

On Monday I did pretty much sweet fuck all again. Brad came over for some real Veronica Mars action, and oh it was so good, but he’s going to Philly for three months on Sunday so we’ll have to put it on hold. That means no more hot Logan Echolls action for me for a long time, and hopefully it’ll be long enough for me to forget that he’s actually a scientologist. Waah. And speaking of which, what’s your favourite Katie Holmes theory? I’m currently loving the “She gave birth to Chris Klein’s baby months ago, but continued to fake her pregnancy to Tom in order to hide the dates discrepency”. Anji and Karen came over for a roast dinner which we shared with the boys, and it was lovely, and then I gushed over John Safran some. And that was all my time off.

Weddings

The girl I sit with who does the scheduling is on leave, so another girl is sitting next to me this week. This particular girl just got engaged and is getting married in three months, so it’s on her mind quite a bit. Yesterday I went to Carly Harris with her at lunchtime and watched her try on a succession of gorgeous outfits and lusted for the clothes myself. Of course, as you may recall, I have already worn Carly Harris, and my, wasn’t that a good time? The dress was gorgeous though. Today’s wedding topic has been flowers. Maybe I should become a wedding planner, since I’ll never get to plan my own. Sob.

Woes

On Tuesday I wanted to go home and cry for most of the day because I got myself all worked up about the need to apologise to the workmate that I’d slapped on Thursday night vs. the desire to forget that it ever happened. Naturally I got more worked up about it when the engaged girl from the above paragraph told him that I was sorry, against my wishes, to which he rightly replied “so why doesn’t she tell me herself?” Awesome. But then after lunch I apologised and he was very nice about it and came up with a theory about why I’d slapped him that I accepted (even though I suspect it was only a 1/3 of the reason), and I was like “man, why the hell didn’t I just apologise first thing this morning instead of feeling like crap all day?”. I should really become a mole when I grow up, cos this country is totally running out of mountains. And of course really all I needed to do was crank up ‘Rebellion (Lies)’ for a fucking huge big smile on my face and the urge to pump my fist in the air and run a victory lap over the end credits of a movie. I love that song.

Doctors

Yesterday I went and bared my pajimba at the local doctor because I was overdue for a smear. It hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt, and the walls of her office were adorned with pictures of another doctor at the King Kong premiere hugging Peter Jackson, and I really didn’t find that comforting. It was a little like when I first had blood tests before we moved to Japan, and the lady told me to count the catepillars in the picture so as not to look at the needle, but there were only two, and so I looked back at the needle. The speculum opened up with a crack crack crack and I felt the sensation of someone extending a telescope backwards or something. Because that was so much fun, she cranked open my ass as well. That hurt a lot less, which I was very surprised about. I apologise to people who’ve read this twice. She sent me off with prescriptions for Diflucan and Proctosedyl, which is exactly what it sounds like. The trouble in paradise will be all cleared up now.

Then I went back home and shut Sebastian up in a vacuum cleaner box and drove him to a new vet in Kilbernie. Now, you may recall that I had crushes on the vets in Balmoral and Khandallah, not because they were outstandingly hott, but rather that they were good to Sebastian, and anyone who likes and respects cats is okay by me. I could put in a “they handled my pussy really gently” line here, but I really really hate the word ‘pussy’. Give me cunt any day. As it happens, the Kilbernie vet DID, because she was a woman, with a Scottish accent and very short hair, and ha ha stereotypes are funny. I now have a crush on her as well, because Sebastian behaved himself beautifully, and let her lance his abcess without requiring sedation. He’s such a good kitty, he only mewed a tiny bit in the box, which made things really easy for me, cos I get very upset when he’s upset.

Feedback on 101

Here is what a selection of people have said about 101 Stories That I Want to Tell You:

“Really fresh as well as being eloquent… the more recent stuff especially. A huge evolution from Boys Boys Boys. Couldn’t put it down…. it’s amazing how your writing has evolved. So much more sophisticated somehow.”

“No doubt this isn’t the kind of feedback you were expecting, or possibly hoping for, but it’s seriously good. As a whole, it’s the best work I think I’ve ever read of yours. Gutwrenching & evocative, flows really beautifully, even the pictures & layout work together, the whole thing just blew me away.”

“My favourite bit, I reckon, was the Link piece. It takes the cliche of the public-transport zine article, douses it in petrol and cheap vodka, and sets it on fire (yeah!). I know about that feeling when just the ordinary task of walking down a street or catching a bus conjures up all sorts of memories, and this was good way of structuring it.”

Yeah! Of course, I have yet to receive ANYTHING back in trade for it, and I’m a little disappointed, to be honest. It makes me a sad panda.

Weekends

Tonight I get to play domestic goddess and supermarket shop and clean, as tomorrow night I am having Miss Lisa Fur and the Sunday Star Times-noted ‘blogger’ Jessie for dinner. I have been thinking for the past couple of weeks of all the elaborate and dazzling things that I could cook for them, and then scratching out many of the options that I came up with, and pondering how many courses and blah blah blah, but I think I’ve finally come up with a menu (main and dessert only, plus snacks) that is incredibly simple but still tasty. I always overthink and overcomplicate things, and I need to stop. If you’re free and in Wellington on Friday night, you should totally come over afterwards for drinks. That’d be lovely. Then on Saturday I get to see my lovely KateH. Hurrah!

And that’s it. Talk to me about Tomkat, Carly Harris and perfect dinners, if you will.