Hubris.co.nz

Tuesday the 5th of January, 1999

I guess the fact that Oma rang me twice while I was still trying to sleep should have cued me into the fact that it wasn’t going to be a good day. At one I worked for three hours at Leonie’s, finally managing to finish cateloging all her Japanese books that she bought from my grandfather’s collections. How can one man have so many books? Have had, sorry. There’s a tshirt at the Markets that says “The man who dies with the most books still dies”. Mum wasn’t impressed when she saw it, for obvious reasons, but I had a good chuckle.

So yeah. After finishing work at four, I veged at home for a bit before Charly rang, wanting to be picked up from town. She said she’d hardly talked to Graeme all day that she’d been out with him, which I really think is a bit off, if she came to Welly to sort things out with him. So yeah. We had dinner and stuff like that. While she watched “Party of Crap” I came online and did a bit of work on my journal and stuff – I’m falling behind, sorry. (I know there are people that care, because I’m addicted to checking the stats page – which doesn’t make it go up). I’m so vain and self absorbed, it’s terriffic!

Anyways. Then we watched some more of the taped Glastonbury. Charly had the audacity to diss Nick Cave AND Jarvis Cocker. Some people wouldn’t know class if it ran them over in a green MG. I logged on to Ihug for her (since she doesn’t know how to log in, and she doesn’t have my password). I saw that the K Man was on, and I haven’t seen him for aaaaaages and I really really felt like talking to him, but Charly wanted a go, so I told him I’d talk to him in an hour. Sweet, cos he said he’d wait for me. So yeah. I went off and had a bath and shit (mmmmmmmmm rose oil and candlelight – that’s making me sound really seedy – oh well). And yeah, then after an hour, i went back into the computer room, bored and wanting to do my computery stuff, and she was like “oh, Graeme just came online” and she gave me OH such a sincere “Sorry”. So that just right royally fucked me off. I know that I’m too possessive about my computer, but she knew I hadn’t talked to Kamahl in ages, and that I have journals to do and I have people to talk to as well, you know? And I just have so little sympathy for her and the whole Graeme mess because she got herself into it. Okay, that sounds too harsh. It’s just that I know how fucking crap and pointless internet relationships are, and if there’s a problem, I’d rather talk it out than sit in silence and get on a plane and then sit in silence again.

Okay, so after that spew, what did I do? I was like “fine” and left the room, and went sulking into the lounge, where my parents suggested I go to town or something, since I couldn’t bring myself to kick her off my puter. So I did, rejecting the idea of going in my pajamas, so I had to throw on some clothes first. So yeah. I was so mad I was fuming by the time I got to town, so I’m glad I managed to drive okay. I went over a hedgehog before I realised what I was doing, but I think it was lined up between the wheels, so it should be okay. So yeah. I stopped into United Video, who tried to tell me that my prize was probably sent to Mount Roskill – bastards! Anji wasn’t at Axolotl, so I had a hot chocolate and talked to Kirsten and her friend Amber, who was really cool and we instantly got chatty. Then as I went to call Anji, I heard someone call out my name, and it was Nicola! So yay, I talked to her for a while, after finding out Anji was in bed. Although we email and talk on the phone occasionally, I haven’t seen her since Onslow ended. She was looking SO styley. Great hair. We’d sit in Economics talking about our hair all year long. No wonder I had to learn the whole course in a day long mass cram with Kate. We ended up getting exactly the same mark too, which is kinda amusing.

Anyways. So I walked back to the car, and bumped into Siobahn, who invited me and Jo to come out and play on Saturday Night – YAY since I’m going back to auckers on Tuesday. Mmmm. I got back to the car, and put Little Earthquakes on, which probably wasn’t a very smart idea at all. It came in right at ‘Tear in Your Hand’ and I suddenly got very melencholy, singing my heart out, and I just wanted to keep driving and driving, so I decided to take a long way home. Then of course, it was ‘Me and a Gun’ which made me cry. I mean, I’d been worked up enough as it was, but well, that song……. I was driving along feeling really really bad, when suddenly I felt something go bang, like I’d hit a dog or something. That completly freaked me out, and I started bawling, but I couldn’t stop because there was a car right behind me. As soon as I could, I turned around and went back, but I couldn’t see anything. I was so blubbering my eyes out, at the thought of having just killed an innocent animal and a beloved family pet. I was so freaked out that I’d go back and find a wounded animal and it’d look into my eyes accusingly as it died, but I couldn’t see anything. Then I remembered that there’s a big hole in that stretch of road, and that was probably what had shaken the car. I was so worked up by that stage that I just stopped the car in the Ngaio library carpark, and after checking the front of the car for blood, I cried my eyes out. Then I really wanted someone to talk to, so I drove past Kate’s house, but I couldn’t see any lights on, so I went on home.

I snuck into the house so quietly because I really didn’t want to talk to Charlotte, but she was waiting up for me. No sooner had I crept up the stairs than she told me that her and Graeme were all over (no duh). I mean, I do feel bad for her, and I’m a terrible friend and all, but honestly, there’s like nothing I can do. So I talked to her about it for a bit, and leant her a teddy bear. She didn’t ask me where I’d been or anything, so I don’t feel quite so bad.

Saturday the 2nd of January, 1999

As happens a lot to me, I dreamt I was woken up, but went back to sleep. So I laid in bed for ages, sure that Mum and Neil had left me, and gone to my grandmother’s without me – (YAY) until Mum came to wake me. Damn. I mean, I know if I had a better soul, I wouldn’t hate visiting my grandmother, but it’s just soooooooooo boring and so hot there, and it’s like an hour’s drive out of Wellington. As soon as we got there, I like, sprawled myself down on the lumpy sofa to read Woman’s Weekly and the like. I don’t want to go through Opa’s books once again. Sure, there probably are interesting books there, but realistically, I’ll never read them. I’m not going to grow up to be the famous writer that he wanted me to be. I’m learning about the real world now, not History, so all his old books are no use to me. I hate his big room now, because time stands still in there, and he’s dead but so much of his stuff remains. I’ve claimed as much furniture from there as I think our flat will hold, and I have pens and paper and everything from there already. There’s nothing left for me in there except memories, and I don’t have to go to my grandmother’s house to remember him.

That said, I did come home with more loot – some old frying pans and an electric wok, although that looks a bit dodg, so maybe I won’t take it to Auckers. Si and I were doing inventory, and I think we’ve got most of the stuff we’ll need for a flat – bar a toaster and a microwave and ummm cutlery. I have various bits and pieces from when stealing cutlery from resturants was my obsession, but that’s mostly knives that would be good to spot off. Anyways, it’s going to be cool, so long as we can find a good house and nice flatmates.

In the evening, I glammed up in my new pearl and amythest necklace and new (lancome and chanel baby) lipsticks from Oma (both were things she didn’t want anymore – well, each of us cousins gets a necklace like that – Karen’s emerald one was kinda ugly so she didn’t take it). Mum dropped me off at Smacksalotl, and I did some drinking with Anji, Siobahnagain and Aaron. Then we decided to go to Tueplo’s so we walked down there. Anji and Aaron were pretending to be going out the whole way down there, so I hung back with Siobahn. She was fully on the piss, and asked me a thousand times where we were going. She gave money to a busker in return for a lollipop. He told her to take lots so I had one too. Friendly. Town was so much nicer than it was on New Years Eve. I don’t ever feel scared anymore walking around at night (thanks for that legacy) but I did on New Years. So much broken glass, gang members and violent looking people. I had a moment of sheer terror when I was talking to Steph on the street while she waited for a taxi and all of a sudden Anji was like “watch out” and she pulled me close to her while behind me I heard glass smashing. That spooked me temporarily. I still waited by myself to flag down a taxi for Steph while she was inside though.

Sorry, that was like a different story, NYE instead of Jan 2. Anyways. Tupelo was shut, and so was Studio Nine, so we went into the Lava Lounge instead and I bought everyone drinks. The place was so empty, it was funny. We sat in SUCH comfy comfy arm chairs, which was lovely. They were playing all this early eighties hiphop stuff, which was entertaining, but I SO wanted to hear the Spice Girls. I wanted to do the Stop dance, since I’ve finally mastered. I was so impressed when they played Wannabe, and Anji laughed at me heaps because I knew all the words and I hammed it up.

Anyways, then we decided to just go back to Anji’s, after Aaron had left us. We got to her door, when Siobahn decided she wanted chips, so I walked to City Stop with her to get them. On the way down, we passed a lad called Matt who’s madly in love with Anji, but is definatly unrequited. (Note to ANYONE ever planning to have kids – DON’T call your children Matt – it’s dooming them for life). Siobahn, being the little flake that she is, stupidly suggested that he should go and say Hi to Anji on his way home. Fooooooooooool Girl! I told her that if Matt did actually show up, Anji would kill her.

City Stop was all bright and glowy and full of Junk Food – choooiiiiiice. Siobahn being the little pig that she is bought THREE bags of chips, and it took us only the time it takes to walk through Cuba Malls to devour the twisties. It’s only after drinking that food like that becomes okay to eat. Once we got up to Anji’s, we saw Matt WAS there, so we had a guilty little giggle. I climbed out onto the fire escape again, although this time Anji forbade me to call out to passers by. Both her and Siobahn had told Kirsten at ‘Slotl that I’d harrassed her ex b/f on New Year’s Morning, telling him he was looking “Fly” (he was wearing a pale blue suit for fucks sake, Fly personified!) and asking him to cook us breakfast (which he would have, only we had no ingrediants).So yeah. We smoked up, and ate chips. At one stage two girls walking up Cuba Street met two boys walking down Cuba Street, and after some discussion ended up all going up the street together. I couldn’t help but yell out “SCORE!!!!”. When they turned around to see, I looked the other way. When Siobahn started talking about sleeping, Matt left. Hhahahah. He’s really nice, just Anji is so not interested, it’s kind of amusing.

So yeah. We sat around and giggled a bit more. It’s always amusing when people tell you that they had sex on top of a freezer in an open resturant in town. (Not Smacksalotl, although Anji has snogged someone in the cooler there). The salt and vinger chips hurt our mouths too much, so we devised a plan to neutralise them by spreading Baking Soda toothpaste on them. It’d be perfect. Parents would love them for their kids’ sake, AND the chips would be so soggy that they wouldn’t leave crumbs everywhere. They ARE the chip of the future. That idea is now patented by the way, so don’t steal it (justine). Eventually Siobahn went off to Aaron’s, and Anji went to bed. I could have slept in Melinda’s room, but there’s the spooky staircase there that leads up to the Gimp Attic. And I didn’t wanna sleep in Daegal’s room cos I didn’t know when he’d be getting back from the Gathering (bastard). So I slept on the old bed in the curtainless lounge, moonbeams and streetlights washing over me. I felt so Cosmopolitan.

Wednesday the 23nd of December

Another 8am waking. This is evil. Why does working have to be done at that hoour of the day? Anyways, I was quite busy all day – people came in waves. I didn’t sell a single piece of jewellery though, which is good, because people who want it are always fucking indescisive, and I have to stand there while they hem and haw, since I would have had to open the cabinet for them. People picking over pottery can usually help themselves, apart from asking if the stuff is dishwasher/microwave/candle/being dropped off a tall building proof. In case you’re wondering, it’s all of the above. But I’ll just tell you now – if you drop pottery off a tall building, it’ll shatter. Use those shards to enrich your garden.

Fuck I’m an awesome saleschick. I sold about $1500 worth today, which is HEAPS. More than half of it was Paul Winspear’s stuff. He minded the shop while I went to grab some lunch and say hi to Jo (“Boxing Day!”). I got back to find him selling a $390 piece of his, only he charged them $3.90, because him and the eftpos machine don’t get on too well. Luckily a) the people were going to collect the piece the next day and b) they were honest and came back once they saw the mistake. So I rang up that sale correctly. Shit, did I just say ‘rang up that sale” ? How American can I be? I love zapping cards throughth the eftpos machine. Changing the roll in it wasn’t so much fun though.

Momma came into the shop in the afternoon and minded it while she sent me off to get Cousin Jacinta an Xmas pressie. I also got Karen a silver and green bead necklace from the lovely Jo at Narnia. Weren’t those books the BEST? Except once I realised how Christian they were. That sort of killed their rosy glow. But I digress.

In the evening, Amy and I went to see ‘Stella Does Tricks”, only it had finished its season, so we saw “Love and Death on Long Island” instead. It was quite good, I thought – Jason Priestly taking the piss out of himself. It was really nice to spend quality time with Amy too. She lost a ten dollar note somewhere between the ticket counter, and the table we sat at, three metres away. Truely truely bizzare stuff. It just vanished into thin air. I tried to pretend like she was just going crazy, but no! Apparently we both are. Sigh. I’m senile at 18. Then again, maybe there’s a black hole operating around me. I lost three eftpos reciepts today, and I haven’t got the faintest idea how, since I always put them straight into the cash box. I lost my wallet at the Rialto in sixth form too – maybe the two events are connected.

Afterwards, since all we’d eaten for our evening meal had been a large box of scrumptious popcorn, we went to Axolotl and had not one, but two plates of nachoes – the kitchen fucked up and cooked them twice. Yay. It’s so good, knowing the people I know. We had a really really good long chat too, which is Yay (good england!). I’m going to Midnight Mass with her tomorrow – but ONLY because she asked, and because we’ll go with her (scary) parents who know the owners of the Big Sleazy so we can get free drinks. I’m such a whore for alcohol. OOoooooooh scary thing happned today – I whored myself out for POTTERY of all things. Paul had this gorgeous purpley pinky plattery bowl in the shop today, and I fell instantly in love with it. It was priced at $90 – I knew he’d let me have it for less, but it’d still be expensive, so I asked him if I could do his next duty (on the 29th) for him in exchange. He was thrilled at that idea, so I get the platter. Now I’m worried, cos I normally hate and despise pottery. Hmmmmmmmmmm. Oh yeah, it’s for the good of the flat. That’s right. I’m sacrificing myself for group benefit. Besides, it’s not like I’ll have much else to do on the 29th – and I bet the shop will be deserted anyways.

I went to Midnight Mass last year too. I hate carols. I hate organised religion. Why am I doing this???

Oh, weird thing that happened, just before I go – I got an authorization request from this chick on ICQ saying she’d seen my page and she wanted to talk to me about it. Intrigued, I authorized her, and added her to my list too. This was a couple of days ago. I’ve been to her website and she’s a 15 year old American girl. We live in different time zones, and she hasn’t left me any messages. How bizzare. I sign people’s guestbooks, or if they really turn me on (like, not sexually), I’ll email them. Never ICQ. That’s just weird. That said, if you wanna ICQ me, by all means, go ahead!

Tuesday the 22nd of December

For some fucked up reason, I agreed to work for Leonie at 9 in the morning, which meant I had to be dragged out of bed at some heinous hour. I did more collation of survey responses with her, this time dealing with parental feedback on the exchange. It was actually quite entertaining, cos she told me about all the scandels and bitching that went on. One girl (a Marsden Bitch, natch) took thousands of dollars worth of gifts for her host family – including LIVE CRAYFISH. For gods sakes, don’t people know what RESTRAINT means? Or GOOD TASTE?

So yeah, I worked there until 1pm, when Momma finally arrived to pick me up. We went to Ragey Johnsonville Mall, and had lunch in the food court, before doing a little shopping. She didn’t know where Soundz was, so I was like “oooh obviously YOU didn’t spend your wagging time in here”. It’s sad that I do know my way around that mall – not that it’s very big or anything. We We went to the Warehouse, and spent ages in it. It’s such a useful shop! I bought Momma a teletubbies book. I couldn’t resist, because she hates them so much, since I made her watch it with me once. The book’s called “Tubby Custard” which is the catchphrase she screeches whenever I mention the Teletubbies. She scares me a bit. I also got Anji a Winnie the Pooh notice board, and some glow in the dark pens. And roll-on glitter (fuckng cool stuff) and a Little Miss Naughty address book. Not all of that was from the Warehouse though.

In the evening, Karen invited herself over for dinner, but we’d decided to go out, so we went to the Backbencher. It was really nice food, despite that it’s also a pub, so there were larrikans drinking there. I had a vension salad. The bluecheese wontons in it were pausewitheyesclosed delicious. Plus I got unintentionally groped by the cute waiter when he misjudged putting my plate down. But that was just around my stomach, not my breasts, luckily. Our table was really close to the bar, and at one stage, this ugly bastard turned around and set his empty beer glass right on our table. I smiled a big smile at him and was like “yeah choice” and gave him two thumbs up, “that’s okay, we really didn’t need our dining room table anyways,eh!”. He sheepishly picked up his glass and took it to the bar. Later I overheard him telling his drinking companions about it. Sure, it may seem petty, but really! It was OUR space.

Karen came back to Ngaio with us to bake muffins in our oven, and I sulked around because my page wasn’t working properly (that fucking photos link!) and cos I wanted to get back into town to go visit Anji. Eventually she was done. We had a spat in the car, because she was taking too long to finish her sentence, and I told her not to bother because I was sure that she had nothing important to say. Ouch. Yeah, I know that was too harsh. It sort of came out wrong. But to make it up to her, I invited her to hang with me and Jo on NYE. She’ll probably pike early on us – just so long as she has some fun, that’s cool.

After dropping her off, I went into Axolotl, and Anji was sooo sad, i felt really bad. I hung out there for a while, then took her home. Karen was still up, so she showed me her new room. I was very pissed off to learn that Annushka (best friend) had given her “the Magic Toyshop” by Angela Carter for Xmas when I’d specifically rung Annushka to ask her if Karen had it, since I’d just bought it for her. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. So now I need to get a new pressie for her.

Then I picked up a Woman’s Day, and went to sit and goss to Anji in her room while she painted glasses for her flatmates. I stayed there until like 1am, so I didn’t go online when I got home. Yes, shock horror! But I’d spent a lot of the afternoon revamping my webpage, and joining rings and stuff. Yay, emails and guestbook signings from strangers again. That’s always cool!

Friday the 18th of December

I got up today before 11am, out of my own gumption. Are you impressed? I guess the loud mixer going in the kitchen added a little extra inncentive, but that’ll be our little secret, okay? Mum was making the desserts for the Bakehouse Xmas party we’re having on Saturday night,so I helped her with those. We made a biscuit log

1. whip cream with icing sugar and cocoa
2. dip biscuits in sherry and sandwich together with the cream in a long line
3. leave it in the fridge for at least a day
4. cover with more cream and chocolate
5. serve in slices cut on the diagonal

it sound simple but if it sits for long enough, the biscuits turn into really rich cake and it’s absolutley gorgeous. Don’t tell me that this journal never does anything for you!

We also made rum pudding, which is super nice and is basically just eggs, cream, sugar and lots and lots of rum. I have such weird memories of food. Like for example, one time we were staying in a hotel in Austria, and I got left behind for half a day everyday while the rest of my family went skiing. Although I couldn’t have been more than four, I was a really good skier, but just was too young to last the whole day. Anyways, I think there were two other kids in the day care, and one day, the woman that was looking after us took us in a special lift right into the hotel kitchen, and we were each given a bowl of something that tasted like rum pudding. It was like the yummiest thing I’ve ever eaten. I tell you, my memory is probably too strong for its own good.

But yeah. So that was the morning. I did three hours at Leonie’s again, doing more typing and more cateloging. It’s easy work, except that my wrists started to get a bit sore, which probably isn’t very good. Just so long as my back doesn’t get fucked up again like it did in September. That was such hell. I thought for half a day that I had haemarroids cos it hurt SOOOOO much to sit down, before Karen asked me “what sort of chair do you use?”. Since the answer was that I use a chair whose back had broken off, I figured it out. Fuck it was good to not have haemarroids!

In the evening, I dropped Mum in town for Neil’s Xmas party, and went back home to veg for a while. Around 10pm I went into Smacksalot, to wait for the olds to call me for a ride. The place was hella busy, but since Joseph and Mark were there again, I went to sit with them. I was going to order dinner, since Mum had given me some money, but then Anji plonked a plate of thai chicken down in front of me for free… Yummmmmm. Steph was crying, so I think she’d fully fucked up an order or something. She got happy again after a couple of drinks, and I sat listening to her and Siobahn’s stories in absolute hysterics.

A friend of theirs was with a guy with a really small penis one time. Eventually she said to him “Can you stop fingering me and get on with fucking me please?” He was like “what are you talking about? I’ve been going hard for the past fifteen minutes”. Whoops!

So that kept me entertained for a while. Gregor came and sat with us too, and I asked him if he was still at IBM, which he was. He asked me if I was still in school, and I was like “No – I was at AIT in Auckland all year”. He was like “FAAAAAAAAARRRRK I’m out of touch”. It was really funny. As soon as Anji finished her shift at like 11, she went shopping with Aaron, since the Markets were open till midnight. I didn’t mind staying in Axolotl though, since I know all the staff, and the lads were still there. But then they decided to go play pool, and asked me to go with them. Well, I’ve always had a tiny crush on Joseph, and I figured Mum and Neil wouldn’t call me until midnight, so I agreed. I asked Steve, the owner, to tell my parents I’d be back in half an hour if they did call, anyways.

But then Joe and Mark decided to go to Coyote instead of to play pool. There I was, in like my derelict too baggy jeans, an op shop dress that isn’t very styley, no makeup, my glasses perched on top of my head, a useless bra, and a wallet that was too big to go in my pockets. Sigh. So I looked like crap, but I still went anyways. There was an awesome house dj playing in Coyote, so I went as hard as I good being sober, poorly dressed (jeans falling down) and carrying my wallet. I stayed for about twenty minutes, leaving after they played Armand’s Startrucking remix of Proffesional Widow. That’s like my all time favourite song to dance to in the whole world. I only wish I could’ve stayed longer, had been drinking and looked better, cos Joseph was really drunk. HAHAHAHAH fuck I’m traj.

So I went back to Smacksalotl, and just had time to order an iced chocolate from Louise before my parents rang. The perfect crime. They never had to know about my detour. Rock On! So that was the highlight of my night. Oh joy, drunk potters and other assorted loosers at my house tommorrow. Oh Joy, my mother stressing over cleaning. Oh double joy, MUm drinking and spading Paul!

Tuesday the 15th of December

Go and check out my Grudge page, and come back here later when I’ve actually written my journal entry, okay?

Okay, now I will write it up. I worked all day in the Bakehouse, which was long and boring, with the only respites being a quick visit from Jo, who gave me a shock cos I didn’t see her coming in, and I gasped in Terror. Not at her, honest! And oh yeah, Karen came by in the afternoon, and listened to me talk (for 20 minutes straight, apparently) about my adventures to Hamilton. She’s moving into Anji’s flat, cos Jen Troup’s moving to Washington DC for six months. Both my sisters living together in the coolest address in Wellington. Rock On!

Mum was in a real shocker of a mood, probably cos Paul wasn’t paying her enough attention. That woman is SO tragic, man! She was slamming things around, so I took the initiative to drive home. Her already crap driving, in a bad mood, in rush hour? That’s like, my worst nightmare.

In the evening, around 9.30pm, I went into Axolotl to see Anji, since she’d been so sad on Sunday whnen I left her. I timed it well, cos Joseph, my honey, was there, so I got to sit with him and a loser called Mark. (I think there’s something about that name that dooms them to loserness). So that was choice. Joesph was like “howcome we haven’t seen you on Shortland Street yet?” He cracks me up. I got to hear stories about his blowjob in Dunedin too from Mark – I think that embarrassed him a little. Once they’d gone, I sat by myself for a while, then K came to talk to me. She was really down, which, I imagine, is mostly due to the fact that she’s having an abortion tomorrow. Poor girl. It’s not something I discussed with her, but Anji told me. I took her flowers the other week after seeing her look really sad in town. I just wish there was more I could do! We had tortillas and guacamole – you know that you’ve got it good in a cafe when you can get another bowl of sauce for free, without even having to say a word! Plus I paid all of two dollars for a brilliant feed, and a hot chocolate. I love Wellington. I’m going to hang out with Anji on New Years Eve, cos she can get me a tab, and she rocks. Time for new adventures, I say. I just want to score. Does that sound really bad? Too bad, cos it’s true!

Any offers?

Saturday the 12th of December

A funny thing happened last night. I was talking on ICQ chat to this guy, and my friend Brad from tech was at his house. Ho ho ho. No wait, that’s not the whole story! Come back!

So yeah. Anyways, Brad wanted a demonstration of what cyber was, and so I gave them a few lines – hey, i don’t do it, but I’ve got a great imagination! Kamahl was like “more importantly, is this how YOU like it?” so I was like “I should have sent you my erotic story after all, shouldn’t I?” and against my better judgements, they talked me into it. Hell, the story used to be on my old homepage anyways. So they sat there reading through it, while I was pissing myself, cos I knew what it’s about. I think it musta shocked the shit out of them. It’s a bit naughty – I’ve had so much fun with that story and morons off IRC – it’s my porn content. Anyways, they came back and were like “what on earth possessed you to write that?” I was like “autobiography”. HAHAHAHAHa. I think that’s like a thousand times more information about me than they’ll ever want to know. If you’re going to go and read that story, which no doubt you are now, be warned. Content may inspire nasty visuals.

I slept in until 2pm today, having very disturbing dreams. At one stage, my dad, Karen and I were building an nuclear bomb shelter in my room downstairs, not expecting to live past 9pm. That was kinda sad, and the dream was really scary, especially with like gail force winds screaming around my house at the time. I also dreamt I borrowed this amazing dress off Andee, made entirely out of Yellow daisies. It was fantastic. Then I was like Buffy or something, trying to solve this mystery, and this giant catipillar ate my friend, but it spat him out, because he was too fluffy. My friend was a smaller catipillar, that looked like a purple magic duster. By that stage, I was a catipillar too. I always get really weird dreams, for about a week, right before I get my period – if I can claim to be that regular. Which I can’t. Anyways, my point is that my journals over the next couple of days will probably be filled with dreams, so bear with me.

What else? Ummmm, I think I’m getting more involved with Vision, which is cool. I am so in awe at some of the people in it. I can’t quite understand why the fuck I got in, because I know sweetfuckall about html and all that funky shit. Ah well. Maybe I got in under a quota of ignorant people or something. It’s fun cos it means more people to talk to on ICQ, now that IRC is empty and boring. So yeah, rock on.

Tonight I went to see “Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels” at the Paramount with Anji. Loved it, love the theatre, love her. It was so funny. I just hate the way it’s been billed as “Tarantino meets Trainspotting”, even if that’s an accurate description. Can’t people come up with anything new these days? The main guy in it was really studdly too. Mmmmmm. And all of them had accents. Terriffic shit. After we went and sat in Axolotl, with a whole bunch of offduty staff. It’s everyone’s second home. Tommorrow is the staff Xmas party, and they’re having it on a yacht. Rock on!

I’m going to go now, cos tommorrow I’m Xmas shopping with Momma. Don’t forget to send me my pressies – if you don’t have my address, send them to: Joanna McLeod c/o The Bakehouse Gallery, Swan Lane, Wellington. Ta muchly!

xoxox

Wednesday 9th December

Am I somehow radiating “women, please come on to me” smells or something? I was working in the Bakehouse again today, and this woman came in and was looking at jewellary for over half an hour, which is not a usual thing. She made me model all these earings for her, and wanted to see them with my hair up and down. She was all “how do they look?” – as if I’d say they looked stupid when I’m trying to make a sale. She stopped to comb her hair even, all the while sending out these vibes. Then came the clincher – she said “I probably shouldn’t say this, but you’ve very attractive” – I almost shit myself trying not to laugh. I was so relieved when she left – after buying three pairs or earings, I might add. And so she fucking well should have, after wasting all of my time like that. I felt kind of sorry for her – she was like a Khandallah/Remers woman who realised too late in life she shouldn’t have married that rich suitable guy because she just doesn’t bat on his team. And of course, in her society there isn’t much she could do, so she sticks with her two martinis at lunch and a bottle of wine every evening, and meddles too much in her children’s lives and hits on poor innocent shop girls because she can’t accept that she’s a lesbian. Well, sorry Lady, but your team doesn’t float my boat, and even if it did, you wouldn’t be my sailor.

Nevermind. I still managed to sell like over $700 worth of stuff in the shop today, which is pretty darn impressive. Customers are just so boring though. Then again, so is having no customers. That’s okay. I just systematically destroyed furniture to fill in the time instead. And rang around, trying to fnd a friend.

Eventually I settled on Andee cos she was all that I had left. I picked her up from Amy’s house, out in Llamaville, and we went to town for David Straussan. He was SO funny! I was completly skeptical, given that he is a ventriloquist and all, and Carroll, his manager was so dodg, but no! His show fully rocked my socks off. If anyone wants to buy me one of those dancing dinosaurs, I’ll love you for the rest of my life. Free stuff rocks. I saw Carroll as we were leaving, and said thanks for the tickets. She said “I’m glad you enjoyed it” as she stroked my arm. Andee and I went to Slotatl after that, and Anji made me PAY for the coffees, which shocked me greatly. Ahhhh well. Then I drove her back home to Horokiwi, and watched Amy playing Quake for a while, enthralled. You just know I’m going to become a Quake junkie next year. Someone help me now please.

Oh yeah, and I was thinking about funerals, and music, and I decided to maybe have ‘Viva Forever’ played in addition to ‘Miss World’ and ‘Street Spirit’. I mean, I’ve had so many good times with the Spice Girls, I think it’d be kinda cool for all my friends who come to the funeral to have a chance to laugh – so maybe ‘Wannabe’ would be better. I taught my mother the dance moves for ‘Stop’ this morning in the car – she learnt them like a thousand times faster than I did. Anyways, I’m always curious as to who’d show at my funeral. Pleaaaaaase sign my guestbook now and let me know if you’d come. Ta.

xoxoxo

What the fuck is it with me and bogans? Why are the only men that pay any attention to me lately all such knobs? Ahhhhh well. So tonight I had nothing better to do, so I took the car into town, and went to visit Anji at Axolotl. I had a yummy banana dessert thing (personal favourite of Steve from Breathe) and hung out, talking to the staff for a while. Kirsten thanked me for the flowers I’d dropped off for her on friday since I’d seen her in town looking really really sad. And I caught Anji up on some of the stories from my trip to Hamilton. Crazy Steph and another waitress called Siobhan (sp?) came in to take Anji away to Brava, and they invited me to go with them, so I did – yes, I’m easy. There we met up with two more smacksalotl waitresses called Louise and Sarah, and they all sat around drinking lots of red wine. Anji was on antibiotics, and I was driving, so we didn’t – but I did have some nice OJ. Louise is from Kent, and Steph is from Essex, and they knew each other vaguely back in England, and it was fucking funny to listen to them blabber away about shags and stuff. English accents are SO funky. Louise talks just like Posh Spice, while Steph sounds like this chick Alison Templeton I knew in school.

Annnnyways, back to the plot. Siobhan had met this guy she knew on the street called Mike, and he showed up a little later with his friend, who was called Nick (I have a good ear for details sometimes). They had such bogan voices, man! The friend was so drunk he could hardly talk. So Siobhan sat in the corner talking to Mike, trying to hook into him, and then this lady who was sitting at the table next to us came over, and asked if she could hang with us. Being gregarious waitresses (apart from me, and I’m a Communications Student/freak magnet so that goes without saying) everyone agreed, so she sat down and started yapping away. Turns out she’s the manager for David Strausman (or something like that) this touring comedy velintriloquist guy. She gave everyone who wasn’t working tickets for his opening night – YAY. So I got two. Faaaaantastic stuff. It was so cool. Anji, Sarah, Siobahn and Mike went outside for a session, and so the rest of us moved in closer. The lady – Carroll, I think her name was, was going on about how drugs just fuck up your mind, and Steph told us about how she’d had her drink spiked with Ecstacy before (back in England, honey, where it’s only two pounds). I just sort of sat there saying nothing, smiling and nodding. Carroll started playing with the sleeve of my dress, saying she loved the material – I was like “It’s polyester”. She was like, kinda weird, so I was relieved when she moved around the table to talk to Nick, who was making grunting noises. However, when everyone else came back, she got bored of Nick, so she slid past him to sit next to me on the seat running along the wall. Anji was sitting on the other side of me, and her and Caroll talked for a bit, behind my back. Next thing I know, Carroll’s got her arm around me, and she’s playing with my hair, and it was fully creeping me out. Like, it shouldn’t have been any different from a guy doing that, but it was. I didn’t know if she was just like, being friendly because she was drunk, or what. Nick started talking to me then, and Anji said something about me being an actor. Seeing an opportunity for fun, I told him that I had a part on Shortland Street coming up, a six month role with an option of having that time extended out. Carroll said something about all the actors on it, so I told her I was lying – I’m not sure she understood. But it didn’t matter, cos she moved to the other end of the table anyways, muttering something about her bag. I must be the champion of smiling and nodding. All of Mum’s Japanese friends thought I spoke perfect Japanese, because I faked it, just going ‘ah so desuka?” and “hai, hai” at appropriate times.

Anji was pissing herself meantime at me telling Nick all about my role on SS. She was like “how can you keep a straight face?” so I told her it just comes naturally. Then she was apologising to me for leaving me to talk to him, “except that you’re probably really enjoying yourself, since you’re so good at arguing”. I took that as inspiration, and launched into a spiel about how Shortland Street is working for the good of the nation, how the writers influence us for the better, and what a good vessel it is for issues – fully fully taking the piss. Nick took me seriously, and launched into a slurred counter-attack. He went off on so many tangents, man! Before I knew it, we were arguing away about the third world. I contradicted myself so many times, something he didn’t pick up on, because I was just winding him up – I didn’t give a shit about the topic. He had no logical order, and I went to great lengths to point that out, but he just had selective hearing. I kept looking over his shoulder at Louise and Anji, who were in hysterics. After about half an hour of crap, I was still going strong, but then I decided I was bored, and wanted to go home, so I fished out my keys and wallet and stood up. Anji told me her friends all thought I was cool, for dealing with the bogan like that – YAY! I like being told I’m cool. I shook his hand before I left. If he hadn’t been drunk, he might have actually made some valid points.

Anji was like “do you want me to walk you to the van?”. I didn’t, of course. I guess that’s my one weak point, the fact that I’m not afraid. I just don’t care, I want to be finished. I dunno. It’s fucked. Also I get off on the adrenaline that a slight tingling of fear gives. Flying into Wellington Airport turns me on when I think I’m going to drown.