Hubris.co.nz

Yesterday I sent out a twit saying “Oh man, I cheated on Jane & Paul this morning and my punishment was a latte made with trim and a very blah scone. I’m so sorry! #whitewhines”, and that clearly demonstrates both my crime (in my defense, the scone came from the cafe in the Dom Post building where I having my photo taken, all zoomed in on my hands like L** S*** except I didn’t have dirt under my fingernails and the focus was on my sugar scrub instead of my open vagina and I did it for Kimberley instead of NZ Idol). Anyways, today I told them about my infidelity and they still made me the most awesome coffee ever, and I got to have a roast vege sandwich with feta, even though I had to run off to a depressing meeting about the economy while I still eating, but then I had lunch at Cellar-Vate and their dip had salmon in it which I hate, and meanwhile Green Land was giving out rum. So the punishment lingers.

Also yesterday I was twittering about how I was wearing my “I love Helen” badge that Bad Tom gave me for Christmas (hey, so it turns out that public servants are actually allowed to have their own thoughts and opinions! Who knew?) but as punishment from the gods, I was working on a comms plan and I had to emphasize the value for money and the outputs for the public in it. As my (life-long public servant) father had said right after the election and I’d been missing work to stay at home and cry “awww it’s so cute that you think things will actually change with the change in government”. It is still the same project that my intern and I have been working on. It still has the same purposes, ideas and findings. We just have to wrap it up in different language, because apparently, that’s value for money. Retch.

Other crimes and punishment themes that I meant to expand on. I still need a spanking. Wait, what’s the line between want and need these days, in this post 9/11 world? And when will Austrians find Nazi jokes funny?

On that note, I spent the day working from home on Wednesday because I wanted to concentrate on doing some serious writing on case studies instead of being distracted by wiki issues, which meant that I was in theory about to watch the Inauguration, but without Sky there were too many people talking on TV3 so I went back to sleep and read Gawker media commentary on it later and cried. Then I went to Lisa’s to watch Skins 2 and hang, and in the car on the drive home I cried when Roxette played on the radio, and then I cried in joy watching The Daily Show coverage, not least because of all the joy that was so clear in them, not just because it was change that they could believe in, but it was challenging comedically too to capture those moments that were so amazing but to still be all Daily Show all up on them.

Kowhai says that she wishes she could be as in touch with my emotions as I am, but this is me with total motherfucking eat a bag of dicks PMS and I feel like the world is ending, and I want to eat all the bread in the world and oh my fucking god, could I just start bleeding already please? Please? Tonight I was bitching furiously to Good Tom and Good Anita (did we decide to call her that?) about my period’s control over my body and how like, nine years ago KateB told me to have a keep-a-nigga baby when Ass was doing the very long drawn-out breaking off, and I was like “OMG TERRIBLE” but I think there are too many signs of an imminent period (not to mention the whole thing where I’m probably infertile) to think that there was something amiss, especially since my last period was two weeks long.

I was going to go home and get drunk and cry by myself after work today, but I needed to buy a new cellphone charger cos mine has died, and also potentially a new remote control for the lounge dvd player cos that bitch is a fucking bitch, but then there was TCD store open which I’ve never seen before and it was so pretty and shiny, and there was this sexyass dress, and then on the other side of the shop it was available in purple, and I didn’t think it was right and then I thought “what about if I had a belt?” and I thought “what would Joan Holloway do?” and just as the shop assistant was asking me if i wanted help, Good Tom rang to see where I was at, and I asked him if I should buy the dress, and he said “does it make you look ugly?” and I said “no” so he told me to buy it, and the shop lady complimented me In on my whole outfit with it, so I bought it. And now I am poor. #whitewhine. In fact, I’m feeling like an exceptionally poor mother right now, because we’re out of cat biscuits, which means I’ve been giving Sebby extra wet meat, which of course he loves. Also that last expression sounds so eww.

Also, there’s things and there’s stuff, of course, and historians – or rather me reading this two year from now will go “what history? what stuff?” but for now I will nod smuggly. Mostly, being pre-period makes me totally feel like there’s the end of the world arriving, and I know that it’s not, but it’s like you try playing “So here we are” as loud as possible by Bloc Party and put your head down on your desk and see if you don’t cry. I’m considering creating a fictional list like the FCC fictionally assembled after 9/11 of songs that are all no-gos. Pretty much the only things I am left with is hip hop. I know that all things considered, that was as best and as good as it could be. But like still, I’d rather be in Samoa eating snails right now, if you know what I mean.

40 questions I answer every year.
1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Traveled internationally for work. Broke the two year rule (it was a pash, and the two year rulee was standing right next to me at the time, and she’s still cool with me, but I’m not sure if it’s cool with me, in principle). Built a tiki shack. Got things for free for blogging – a new phone, fuckloads of beauty products and lots of lovely new friends. Saw a psychiatrist (as opposed to a counselor) and consequently now rely on sleeping pills every day in order to sleep. Orgasmed at someone else’s hand for the first time since my first orgasm. Had two workmates make me cry in one night telling me how awesome I am and that I am valued at work – and one of them was the deputy commissioner. Cried with joy at the US presidential elections.

2007: Had people fight over me to work for them. Went to the wrestling. Watched people play cricket. Enjoyed both of those things. Oh, and had someone fancy me (seriously, who does that?), and treat them badly while trying to do the right thing.
2006: Started saving for my retirement! Went to New York! Went to San Francisco! Owned framed artwork! Owned a sideboard! Been insanely houseproud. And had a regular gym habit that I am addicted to.
2005: Had workmates that I counted as friends and regularly went out with. Lived with my sister as a flatmate. Traveled to tropical islands without my parents. Had an IV drip. Had surgery.
2004:Sold stuff. Stayed in a motel by myself.
Had a bar refuse to serve me any more liquor.
2003.Umm. Published a whole magazine by myself. Lost a job I loved. Moved back home.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
2008: I don’t know what my resolutions were. Maybe to have a relationship? I should have been more specific about the kind of relationship that I wanted! My resolutions for this year I have already broken, as they all related to taking better care of myself.
2007: I can’t remember what my “loftier” ambitions for this year were, but my Matariki resolutions were to wake up with someone in the morning and not mind them being there, which I achieved the night of my birthday party, and to score someone in this house without Lani walking in on me. Having Lani move out really helped with that one!
2006: I had the single New Year’s resolution of having a pash, and an E’d up ex cow-orker made that happen for me in May at Boulot. And Maya. And Sandwiches. Oh the shiny young boy, he was so pretty. And yes, when I first let him kiss me one of my initial thoughts was “Now I have achieved my new year’s resolution!”.

My resolutions for 2007 are much loftier. Oh, but I should add in here that apart from following a linkback in the Wellingtonista awards, I stuck to my Matariki resolution of not reading stupid rightwing blogs.

2005: I broke every single one of my New Year’s resolutions. I bought black clothing and drinks galore, I watched ‘friends’ jump over sharks and hardly cared, and it most certainly wasn’t the year of the kiss. I didn’t get a single pash in 2005. Did you hear me? A SINGLE PASH. I haven’t not had at least one kiss since 1994. Therefore my new year’s resolution for 2006 is to get a pash. I don’t care who with.

Oh, but I did see a couple of sunrises, sort of, in Fiji. Well, we got up before the sunrise anyway, I’ve been insomiacal lately and have been awake at 7am so I saw one a couple of days ago, and I saw in 2006 on the balconey at Indigo. Phew.

2004:Well according to this I resolved to get a job, which I did, and have a threesome, which I didn’t. And yes, I have made some for next year, but they’re very basic, and you can read about them on Hubris.
2003:My New Year’s resolution was to have a relationship, and I didn’t do that. I came closer than I have for a very long time though, because three of the people I scored this year I had either loved, thought I loved at the time or realised afterwards that I was in love with.
Next year I will make simpler ones like getting a job and/or having a threesome.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
2008: Ummmm Maree did, and Shirley and I cooked a whole bunch of food for her and sent it up via Chelsea. Also Martha was going to, but the baby had other ideas about it.
2007: No, but I wish more would given the amount of cute baby clothes my friends produce!
2006: We’re not as close anymore as we used to be, but Maree had a daughter named Isla, and my ex cow-orker Sarah’s having a bubby as well.
2005: We’re not that close, but Kyla did, and when I got to hold her baby daughter I cried like a big sook.
2004: Hulita, I imagine. Fuck I really should get in touch with her.
2003: Nushka, maybe? And I half believe that I had a super early miscarriage. Joy.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
2008: Nope

2007: Nope.
2006: No, but I still think about Oma a lot, especially at this time of year.
2005: Oma. I just wrote about that though, and it was exhausting.
2004: We weren’t particularly close, but Granny died. Watching her die was the hard part.
2003: No, thank god.

5. What countries did you visit?
2008: Samoa for the most luxuriously lazy holiday ever, and Canberra for work.
2007: Auckland. Oh, and Rarotonga, even though I almost didn’t make it there!
2006: America, FUCK YEAH! I fiiiiiiiiinally got to see Olivia in San Francisco, which I’d been planning for about five years, or as long as she’s lived there. It makes it a little bittersweet that the only reason I got to go was that I inherited some money from Oma. I suppose the one good thing about the timing was that it meant that Kate was in New York so I had a reason to go there as well.
2005: Fiji with KateB, and Rarotonga with Karen. I wish Raro was as hot and sunny and cheap as Fiji. The people and the food was so much nicer.
2004: The ‘Tron.
Auckland so often tha`t I got confused about where I actually` live.
2003: Christchurch and the Hawkes Bay.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
I’d like to have an actual relationship that includes breakfasts, and I’d like to be really good and productive at my job instead of living inside my head and depression so much.
2007: I’d like a relationship. I think I’m finally just about ready.
2006: Abs. I know they’re a long way away. But I can dream. And also maybe a bit more than a drunken pash and couple of gropings. I’d also like to get some faith in my self back.
2005: Well I got the good workmates and the good flatmate, but Anji’s going to move out, so I would like a new flatmate that I can get along really well with. And also A PASH. Holy crap I’d like a pash.
2004: Flatmates that I’m close to, and workmates who say ‘Thank you’. Also I’d really like to have me some sex, but with the conditions laid out on Hubris – IE: not just drunken friend sex.
2003: A stable job that I enjoy, and a relationship.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
2008: Again, I’m going to say the Wellingtonista Awards on December 18, it was quite a big night! I’m so proud of all that we’ve achieved with the site last year and I know it’s going to continue to grow.

2007: December 3 for the Wellingtonista Awards. So much work, but such a payoff. And part of my five year plan!
2006: Halloween Night in San Francisco, because it was the date I planned my trip around. My last day at CWA because of ending up in the ocean. My pirate party because of sheer awesomeness. December 22nd because of Oma dying the year before. Boxing Day (today!) because it’s like the first anniversary of the tsunami anniversary. And that’s kind of funny if you work in the place that I do.Sort of.
2005: June 18th because of the HUGE ENORMAS LABIA and IV drips and so forth, and also December 22nd because of Oma dying.
2004:December 4th – Chelsea’s Wedding Day. Partly because dude, that rocks, but also because it was the date around which I planned my best holiday.
2003: September 12th – last day of my job.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
2008: Making it through the year with my friendships and job intact, actually was pretty huge. And I’m really happy with the Wellingtonista and Pretty Pretty Pretty, how they’re going, and also my involvement in the Wellington community with things like Girl Geek Dinners as well, and arranging swag from lovely people for all the lovely events I was part of.
2007: Being fought over for a job, and realising that actually, while I might have been in a terrible workplace that never gave me any feedback, that doesn’t mean that I’m actually stupid. I’m actually very smart and damn good at my job. And also overcoming the reoccurance of the big Depression, and working really hard to keep myself clear of it. It makes people proud of me. It makes ME proud of me!
2006: Making it to America, continuing to go to the gym with a few lapses, and starting to save for my retirement.
2005: Landing a job where I get paid well, I want to stick around and I think that I am good at it, mostly, and starting up a flat that feels like home. Oh, and going to the gym regularly – except for of course the past couple of weeks. But extrenuating circumstances, really.
2004: Somehow ending up with a sales job despite the fact that I’ve never sold things before and managing to do 73% of my target, as well as becoming a paid writer.
Also, coming off Celepram successfully.
2003: Making it this far, despite the assorted setbacks. Doing my damndest to survive and also doing two people’s jobs for two months – although I wish that had been recognised more.

9. What was your biggest failure?
2008: I’m not allowed to call my depression reoccurrence a failure, but I could have done more to maintain my health. I also made some really bad decisions which I would take back if I could, but since I can’t, I’m not going to dwell.
2007: My fitness level has dropped, my weight has gone up and my finances are in a dire state. But you know what? Fuck that. I haven’t really failed at anything, as such. I did pretty damn well.
2006: Not having lost any weight, and continuing to be afraid that secretly, no one likes me. Oh and perhaps not convincing the boy that I fancied for a long time that actually he fancies me too. And getting hung up on things that should long be dead and buried.
2005: Not getting a single pash. Seriously. Do you know what that does to a girl’s confidence?
2004: Kissing goodbye to any hope of ever starting my own magazine because I realised that I cannot support it on the kinds of amounts of advertising that I could sell. Also not winning the role of Editor at Rip It Up. Y’all did know I’d been interviewed for it, right?
2003: Losing my job, drifting from all my friends, being unable to knock the big D on its head for once and for all, and giving up on Auckland.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
2008: debilitating depression, but other than that, no.
2007: The reoccurance of the D was somewhat of a setback, but better dealt with this time round than in the past.
2006: Other than the flu, insanely sore feet in New York, and many a vast hangover no. But I am a little worried about the new arising Anxiety and will be monitoring it closely.
2005: the infected mosquito bites and the SURGERY ON MY VAGINA count, right?
2004: See below. Wait, also obesity counts, right?
2003: Depression, still. Injuries: the reoccurance of OOS and migraines.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
2008: My eeePC is pretty darn nifty, and also getting my friends to install my wifi for me was a genius idea. Good times! Also, I got to know many of the people that I buy things from, and that makes me happy.
2007: I can’t think of any one thing that’s awesome. A lot of great clothes from Torrid, perhaps? Or all the drinks I’ve had whilst bonding with the Wellingtonista.
2006: headphones that clip over my ears so they don’t fall out when I am exercising, and getting Sebastian’s claws trimmed. And plane tickets to the States.
2005: My couches. Fuck yeah. 5.5 seats worth of stretch-out aubergine beauty.
2004: My laptop because it came with a free iPod, and having an iPod makes life so much better. Also completing the full set of Buffy and Angel. Heh.
2003: My Buffy DVDs.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
2008: I love Bambi because he makes Anji happy and because he likes our family! And Tom is always available for drinking purposes. So many of my friends have stood up and been there for me whenever I needed them. Amy started a website with me, and cuts my hair for free! I take Karen for granted too much, but she is awesome. I also like all the people who have pashed and/or felt me up this year. Nice work, kids!
2007: At the start of the year, Lisa was my constant companion, which made it easier to get through the intensely difficult time between self-diagnosis of depression and the pills starting to work. She’d show up bringing cookies & milk, or DVDs, or her paints, and we’d sit in companionable mostly-silence, and she never asked me difficult questions, and it was just really really helpful getting through thtat time. Later, I met Lani and that was choice, and when she was gone, Kat and Kane are tremendously positive influences on my life, with their compost bins, zen-like personalities and also the WRESTLING! And because I build so much of my life around sex, I will give props to the Ginger for breaking a three and a half year seal, even if he turned out to be a bit of a narrow-minded cunt later, because I was getting to the stage where I thought it was actually a physical impossibility for me to fuck again. Also, we’re probably not going to be flatmates for much longer, so I will declare my undying love for Smoo as a flatmate, for putting up with all my stupid shit, feeding Seb when I ask him and for laughing at my jokes. And did I mention for putting up with my stupid shit for almost two years?
2006: Olivia and Steve for being amongst the best human beings on the planet. Kate for taking me in to her busy life and small space for an intense week. Smoo for being quiet and calm and for laughing at my jokes and being someone I look forward to his coming home every night. D for being a gentleman. Asshole. The people who said nice things at my farewell speeches at CWA. And Mum for last year buying me a gym subscription that has worked wonders in my mental health.
2005: Lisa Fur’s, for being my new friend. But not for her white noise. The company that gave me a job, because most of the time I am really happy in it. Anji’s when she was so good with Oma, and when she’s a good flatmate. The KKK crew for many many good times out in Wellington,
2004: My outgoing boss’s, Heather’s for her lovely shoulders, Anyone that I could have giggly crushes on, Anji’s when she stood up to Mum, Brad and Katy for making me actually have a life in Welly.
2003: My mother for helping me move back, KateB for taking me back, Tom for taking me back.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
2008: there was that ultra-creepy flatmate that I kicked out, but once he was gone, the flat became the home it was supposed to be. Also, people who voted for National, and the people in the US who voted for Proposition 8, and the people in Wellington who still think we need more roads. And at times, I appalled myself, but I’m kind of used to that by now.
2007: At my counsellor’s firm suggestion, I decided not to hang out with people who make me appalled and depressed anymore. It works pretty well! There are some people who sucked a whole bunch in the early year, but I don’t work with them any more, so that’s bygones. I’ll just continue to scowl at them in cafes.
2006: the people who continued to let me down in regards to social events. Me for caring so much.
2005: Tomkat. Anyone who voted Right in the election. Anji’s when she sulked and stole my friends from me. My aunt for ruining our Xmas. People who call me a blogger.
2004: Mum’s psychoness over Neil’s birthday dinner, my uncle Don’s over his coldness at his mother dying, Brian Tamaki and all of Destiny Church, anyone who listened to Don Brash, and anyone who voted for Bush.
2003: AuSM’s, Tom’s, mine, assorted other people.

14. Where did most of your money go?
2008: To booze, to double-rent and leave without pay, and the trip to Samoa.
2007: To Torrid and into my stomach, in booze or food, and also on parking tickets for not having a warrant or rego and daring to park outside my house.
2006: My trip to the States, the shopping I did there, internet shopping nwo I finally have a credit card, and also on booze and food.
2005: drinking with workmates & buying people drinks despite my new year’s resolution. Not to mention two holidays to pacific islands, and filling up and keeping our liquor cabinet full. Oh, and having a three bedroom house between two of us is not cheap either.
2004: On paying off my laptop, to various places in Auckland and on food and liquor. Plus I buy Sebastian the expensive kind of cat biscuits quite often.
2003: To Andre at the liquor shop

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
2008: The internet, both for work and also for the Wellingtonista and Pretty Pretty Pretty, and also MY TIKI SHACK! And the Arcade Fire were every bit as good as I expected them to be. And also KAT AND KANE GOT MARRIED!
2007: The ARCADE FIRE ARE COMING TO THE BIG DAY OUT! Blam Blam Blam played our awards! During my six weeks at SPAC I got complimented every day! I have friends who like me!
2006: Rockstar Supernova & TWOP, going to America, working for an agency of good now, Country Club and the Wellingtonista awards.
2005: Rockstar INXS and America’s Next Top Model. Also, my couches, my holidays, and the assorted people that I’m stalked.
2004: NZ and Aussie Idol.
Holidays in Auckland.
Dancing at Atomic.
2003: The parties we threw, and the final of Buffy.

16. What song will always remind you of 2006?
2008: ‘Sex on Fire’ by the Kings of Leon. I wore myself out wanking to it, it was so hot, and I played it on my ipod to far too many people in bars. It’s dripping and sweaty and hot.
2007: ‘Sunday’ by Bloc Party, because I want it played at my wedding, and because I had to cancel my trip to see them. Also ‘Listen Up’ by the Gossip because their gig was so fucking rad, and because she’s like, a lesbian and shit (OMG!), and because this year I’ve put more of an emphasis on being a good feminist.
2006: ‘Rebellion (lies)’ and ‘Y Control’ because they both make my pulse race, are awesome for gyming to, and because I went to Auckland to see the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Also ‘Sexy/back’ for the time spent with Olivia in San Fran making jokes about it, all of Birds, and anything by Sigur Ros for the brief crush I had early in the year.
2005: ‘Rocket Queen’ by Guns’n Roses. Man I listened to Appetite for Destruction soooooooo many times this year.
2004: That one song on that one album by that one guy that I still refuse to give up on thinking may be about me.
2003: No one song

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Sadder? Maybe? About the same?2007: Happier
2006: sadder. Boo. 2005: Apart from the Oma stress, so much happier. 2004: Much much much happier. 2003: Much much much sadder.
ii. smaller or larger? 2008: Larger. 2007: Larger. Oh well. 2006: Actually, and I think this is the first time I have EVER got to say this, but I think I may actually be SMALLER. Not by a whole lot, but still, holy fucking shit! 2005: Fatter. But working on it. 2004: Fatter.2003: Fatter
iii. richer or poorer? 2008: Poorer. 2007: Despite substantial payrises, poorer. And moving won’t help with that either! 2006: A fuckload richer. But not by my own effort really, apart from changing to a better paying job (I am now earning 22k more than I was at the start of 2003). 2005: I get paid a lot more now than I did in 2004, and yet I am poorer. 2004: Richer. 2003: Poorer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
2008: Exercising
2007: Boxing, swimming and writing.
2006: Dancing. And more boxing! I love boxing. And meeting new people for possible pashage. Heh.
2005: PASHING! Also, yoga. And maybe that I’d started going to the gym earlier.
2004:Selling, socialising, writing.
2003: Exercise, job hunting.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
2008: Obsessing over things, crying over things and spending too much time online not working.
2007: Thinking that I was a bad, untalented person, when I’m actually really not.
2006: Drinking, eating and thinking that no one likes me.
2005: Wanking. Ouch wrist pain. Also: reading stupid fucking websites that I hate and yet cannot stop reading.
2004: Playing stupid online games and wasting time on the Interweb.
2003: Crying.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
2008: We were at Bamji’s, eating far too much.
2007: At my parents’ house, eating too much cheese and playing fun games.
2006: Awesomely! With a many-coursed dinner at my gorgeous house.
2005: well, maybe my aunt will show up and start bitching and Anji will start sulking. Just maybe.
2004: The family came to my house.
2003: Spent it watching ROTK and with KateB’s family.

21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
2008: the phantom fax caller at work. And Kat in Tauranga
2007: I didn’t make many phonecalls at all, actually.
2006: vodafone, trying to top up my prepay by credit card. I can only rmemeber two real conversations on the phone this year, one with KateB when I was drunk and lonely, and the other with Shirley. I miss phone conversations.
2005: I don’t think I spent very much time on the phone with anyone at all. In fact, only Karen and my Mum have my home phone number. Actually, that’s not true at all, Lisa rang me on it today and I was like “Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh?”
2004: I think it’s very telling that there’s a tollbar on the phone here and I’ve never bothered to get a pin for it. Having said that, Heather is good at calling. Also I spent waaaaaaaaaay more time on the phone than I’d like to have beening abused by a particular client.
2003: Before Easter, Tom. After that – hardly anyone.

22. Did you fall in love in 2007?
2008: Not that you’d know about.
2007: Um. There have definitely been some misplaced feelings. But mostly I decided that 2007 was the year for inappropriate crushes, and I’ve been really good at that!
2006: Ummm, that might be a tiny bit of a strong word for it, but there has definitely been a rahter long infatuation. And some other shortlived “you are crazy and leaving the country very shortly but i’d like to pash again” crushes and something that I briefly thought was reciprocated but I was waaaay too passive-aggressive about and was possibly wrong about anyway. Nevermind.
2005: No. But I did enjoy the independence. I had some crushes though. That was nice.
2004: I had an opportunity to reaffirm that I was still in love with the boy from last year.
2003: Sort of.

23. How many one-night stands?
2008: One, a speaker from Webstock. Hotel room of awesome! There were some other pashes and stuff, but they’re all people I’m friends with, apart from the girl at Kowhai’s party, whoever she was. I had thought that there was going to be a question about who was the best kiss, but I must be thinking of another meme. For the record though it was you, it probably was.
2007: Three-ish. There was the Ginge in February, a very nice boy in May that I am still friends with, which is awesome and there’s almost no weirdness there at all except for the time that I made another pass at him at the end of June, there was the girl on my birthday who I jerked around by going to bed with another time after giving her a big “I’m not right for you” speech. And a couple of pashes in there as well – one was very very blurry but was with a boy who has a fiance (I’m pretty sure we pashed, I remember his hand on my waist and I was like “that’s a really weird place for a hand, it’s a very possessive touch), and one was the boy who came in his pants at second base. Which is very flattering of course, but also hilarious.
2006: None. The one boy I pashed wouldn’t even count as a one kiss stand on the grounds of a couple of instances of gropeage afterwards.
2005: Once more with feeling: I DIDN’T HAVE A SINGLE PASH THIS YEAR. I sort of aaaaaaaaaaalmost have a one-night stand, but the boy chose to stay in a strip club instead and then claimed his phone battery went flat. His loss. Only weirdos hit on me this year.
2004: I went to bed with two boys this year but didn’t have sex with either of them. I’d actually been to bed with both of them the year before anyways. One has no place in my life anymore because I don’t need him and he’s not actually good for me, and the other I don’t have contact with simply because he’s in another city and he put a drill through his cellphone on purpose. I’m sure we’d hang out again in the future just as friends though.
2003: Ummm. Only one person that I had sex with this year was someone I’d met for the first time that day and didn’t contact again.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
2008: Rock of Love, Carnivale, Weeds, It’s Always Sunny in Philidelphia and Nevermind the Buzzcocks.
2007: Deadwood, you cocksucker! Also, I got very excited about the first season of Heroes, and also season three of Veronica. It was rad showing Lisa Twin Peaks, and I burn through 90210 like noone’s business. But ironically, of course.
2006: VERONICA MARS! And Rockstar. And Family Guy. There’s nothing else on that’s really compulsory viewing.
2005: Rockstar INXS. Firefly. America’s Next Top Model. It may have been Veronica Mars if I’d ever been home on Fridays to see it. Also: Extreme Home Makeover – I am not ashamed of crying every monday at 8.17pm.
2004: Gilmore Girls, EML, Australian Idol. I am not ashamed.
2003: Buffy (duh), WW, Pasedena, Footballers’ Wives, Queer Eye

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
2008: Hate is such a waste of time.
2007: There are some people that I turn my nose up about, and would rather not see, but seriously, nah, it’s not worth it.
2006: No rational hatred. I have a bunch of people that I’ve decided are my arch nemisisisis, but if I’m honest I don’t even go to the same gym as Vagina Woman anymore, so that basically leaves just a handful of people I’ve decided to dislike for no reason.
2005: No. I alread hated (and when I say ‘hate’, I don’t really mean it) my incredibly generic looking arch nemisis from this year last year. Don’t you just hate it when you see someone you think you hate but it’s actually just some random other blonde pony tailed glassons clone?
2004: Well I didn’t know them this time last year, and I don’t really hate them, just wouldn’t mind getting in a free couple of free punches.
2003: I’m on celepram, hate’s far too strong an emotion for that.

26. What was the best book you read?
2008: I really digged on books by the Sedarises, and the Guns’n Roses biography, but I can’t think of any great pieces of literature I read.
2007: I really liked ‘The Julie/Julia Project’, and ummm, hmmm, there was some book that I didn’t want to end, and I don’t think it was Harry Potter or a rockstar biog. I wish I could remember what it was. OH! The new Douglas Coupland, totally back on form. I can’t remember its name though, and I’m not sure if it’s out yet…
2006: ‘The Timetraveler’s Wife’
2005: ‘The Dirt’!!!!!!!! Or wait, did I read that last year? I get confused. Rockstar biographies in general, I suppose.
2004: ‘The Pirates! And the Adventure with the Scientests’ and ‘House of Leaves’.
2003: ‘Oryx and Crake’

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
2008: I really started liking the Kings of Leon after they shaved off their stupid facial hair, but I don’t think there were any _new_ bands as such this year, just old ones with new songs.
2007: The Gossip, who I have already talked about, and Bloc Party, who I didn’t discover as such this year, but ‘A Weekend In the City’ is my album of the year. Along with ‘Neon Bible’, of course.
2006: The Arcade Fire. Yeah I know they’re old. And also: buying vinyl. And currently I am <3 <3 <3 for the Twilight Singers and am mad as hell that they're only playing in Auckland and it's the week before the Big Day Out.
2005: 'Appetite for Destruction' again. Also, the good tracks from 'Hot Fuss' and 'Absolution' annnnnnnnnnnnnd ummm other music from the server at work.
2004: Many frequent live gigs.
2003: Tom McRae. I love him so.

28. What did you want and get?
2008: Wifi. My tiki shack. Laid. A really solid group of friends. Fame and noteriety on the internets. To go to Webstock. To launch the blog at work.
2007: A new job that challenges me. Cool flatmates. Pretty house things. To get laid. Solid friendships and popularity. TO build my reputation as a hostess.
2006: A new job. Cool flatmates (although fuck I miss Bart. Sigh). To go to America. Artwork and a hard drive DVD player.
2005: A well-paying job with people that I like. A nice flat. Grown-up couches.
2004: A job. A laptop. An iPod. A nice flat. Published writing.
2003: Editorship of the magazine – even if it was only for two and a half issues

29. What did you want and not get?
2008: A wii. Mental health.
2007. A relationship. And a book deal. But I didn’t go for it. Yet. So that’s my bad.
2006: Sexing. To be like hardcore fit by now. But that’s my own fault so I shouldn’t say it all passive-like. To be happy with myself always.
2005: A PASH! A relationship.
2004: Love. Orgasms not by my own hand. A creative job.
2003: Permanent editorship and a steady job.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
2008: I didn’t go to that many films, as per usual. The Dark Knight? Is that too boring?
2007: Ummmmmmmmm I’m terrible at seeing films when they’re current, so I don’t know what came out when. Did ‘Hot Fuzz’ come out this year?
2006: Hmmm. ‘The Prestige’ maybe? Or umm ‘The Departed’. I didn’t see that many films.
2005: ‘Serenity’.
2004: ‘GARDEN STATE!’ Holy fuck yes. Also ‘In My Father’s Den’.
2003: ‘ROTK’, ‘Secretary’

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?>
2008: On my actual birthday when I turned 28, I worked, we went to Caffe Italiano for dinner, and then to Quiz. For my party, we went to Longxiang and then to Taste of Korea for very very drunken karaoke.
2007: On my actual birthday, I woke up entangled with another girl, and Anji came over and brought us coffee, and we went to get brunch and then cleaned up Karen’s house from my Rockstars & Rocktails awesome cocktail party the night before. SO MUCH FUN! And family dinner at umm some place in Thorndon was good too.
2006: I had drinks the night before I turned 26 in which Bart saved the day by playing wingman and distracting an annoying girl, and Shiny grabbed my boobs and made me laugh. Then on the day I had a lovely brunch with my family at Capitol, then had dinner with friends at Cafe Istanbul and then had drinks and saw the Real Hot Bitches dance for the first time.
2005: I turned 25. On my birthday, I was kind of sick from infected mosquito bites, and there was a lump that was growing on my labia. My daddy took me out to lunch at Monsoon Poon, and then we had a dress-up party at work that night at Paradiso. I wore my new stripey pyjamas. The next day I was supposed to have my birthday party, but instead I spent it at the A&E, having my mossie bites scraped open, being shot full of antibiotics and with two South African ladies squeezing my vagina.

2004:I turned 24, and on my birthday I ate sludgey brownies my editor had baked for me, had dinner at Anise with my sisters and then went to the Opera. A couple of days later I had my ‘Party Like it’s 1994′ party which I put a lot of effort into and which was rather disappointing.

2003: I was 23, and I worked, drank up a bar tab adn then went to Canton for dinner with 12 friends. It was wonderful.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
2008: Mental health that would allow me to be productive at work.
2007: To not end it needing to find a new flat. And for my job to progress a little faster than it does.
2006: Not feeling so let down by so many people. And maybe that’s just a change I need to have in my own mind.
2005: A PASH. And umm, pretty much, that’s about it. Some love and affection, a few more friends to play with.
2004: Someone holding me. Please insert the starved for touch like a Romanian orphan simile here.
2003: Do I need to talk about the job thing again?

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
2008: What Would Joan Holloway Wear?
2007: Thanks Torrid! And thanks, black leggings – you make all my short skirts okay.
2006: All about the dresses. Which are regretably too short and must be worn over other skirts or pants. And also: <3 <3 <3 American clothing shops that realise that not all fat chicks are over 50.
2005: I'm finding my own style.Also, BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS.
2004: My discoball necklace was SHR Then until the paint chipped off it. Now it's all about the Pearl Necklaces. I am an accessory queen, especially if it is multicoloured and/or stripey.
2003: I.must.learn.to.accept.my.upper.arms. That and "YAY PINK".

34. What kept you sane?
2008: My psychiatrist, the lexapro, levithyroxine and zopiclone he prescribed, a very understanding workplace that allowed me to disappear from the face of the earth essentially, and the endless patience of my friends.
2007: Going back on celepram, going to a counsellor, identifying what my risk factors are and trying to avoid them. Also the ocean.
2006: St John’s Wort and going to the gym and/or regular bursts of cardio through dancing or other such things at home.
2005: I did. Also, Mum paying for my gym subscription helped.
2004: Sebastian. Heather. Being able to walk 150 steps to go and cry on Karen’s shoulder at work when I needed to.
2003: Sebastian. Andre. The people behind the scenes.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
2008: Simon Amstell
2007: Ummm, I dunno I kinda wanna marry the guy from the River Cottage and go and grow vegetables with him. And it was fun pretending to fancy Damian Christie and freaking out the other Wellingtonistas.
2006: Storm Large! Heh.
2005: Ummmmmmmm. I’m not sure. Jordis Unga? Possibly no one. Possibly the singer Lisa and I want to have bear cubs with. Definitely not Milan anymore.
2004: Zach Braff and the entire cast of the Whedonverse.
2003:Pretty much everyone.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
2008: Obamamania! And the losing fight to the right in NZ. And those motherfucking ALAC ads.
2007: Being a better feminist. And worrying about the election results for next year.
2006: Hopefully aid and development. And the mystery of why anyone in the world would want to have sex with Don Brash. And also public transport and the importance of it.
2005: the General Election, and the scariness of how the fuck can people actually vote Right?
2004: CIVIL UNIONS BILL. Also: the American Election.
2003: Prostitution Reform Bill.

37. Who did you miss?
2008: Kat’n Kane being in Tauranga instead of being here.
2007: I want to hang out with KateH more. And Bart.
2006: EM who was long gone until that two letter reemergence which was a big case of what-the-fuck without closure. Heather who I don’t get to talk to as much anymore. My old workmates when I was still at CWA and they weren’t. Thinking that I had a crush with potential.
2005: Ummmm. No one person really stands out so much. I kind of like the independence of that. But someone to pash, for sure.
2004: Olivia. Auck people. New episodes of Buffy. BenIV.
2003: Tom. Still. Always. BenIV. Me.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
2008: I already knew her, but I got to know Amy a lot better this year through PPP which is rad.
2007: Lani and Kat & Kane. Hurray for flatmates!
2006: Ash! Although I met her last year. And Fia. Oh, and most importanly for my daily life, Smoo and Bart.
2005: Lisa Fur. My workmates.
2004: Jessie. Wow, this is getting written all over the Internet. Also, Katy Troop again.
2003: Iva! Assorted NZm, LJ people and also Jo Again.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007:
2008: Paperwork always needs to get done at some stage.
2007: You’re NEVER going to have everything perfect at once in all areas of your life, so don’t try to.
2006: Always carry a map with you if you plan on going out drinking in Brooklyn. And also if you build it, they might not necessarily come.
[2005: I will survive. Also: exercise CAN be fun. Crazy.
2004: George Foreman grills rock the kitchen.
2003: I am not my employment status. No really. Also: learn when it’s best to cut your losses as soon as possible.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
2008: “We talked about it all night long / we defined our moral ground / but when I crawl into your arms / everything comes tumbling down”
2007: “I love you in the morning, when you’re still hungover / I love you in the morning, when you’re still strung out”. I need to find someone to sing that to me.
2006: “If I loved you endlessly, how could it be wrong? Where did we go wrong?”
2005: “I stayed at this masquerade and had another drink / I was hoping to bring sin to my sheets”
2004: “And nothing else matters when they turn it up LOUD”
2003: “I’d rather be drunk with myself now
Than alone in a crowd”

Okay, so I’m kind of cheating this week. The drinks weren’t free. But I could say that I paid for the entertainment and the prospect of finding true love, and the booze was additional. So with that in mind, this week (two weeks ago, fine) the free drinks came courtesy of:

VINO EROTICA!

TUESDAY NOVEMBER 27th

Now this tasting is purely by customer demand (it has nothing to do with us).
Strictly limited to 24 people – this is a night of speed-date-wine-tasting.

Each person booking in for this exclusive tasting must be single and bring a
single friend of the opposite sex with them
(to ensure a high calibre, you understand).

Upon arrival you will recieve an aperitif, and then be sorted into random teams
of 6 people to answer multi-choice questions on each of the wines you will be
tasting. At the end of each round of wine – 3 people must move to the next table
for the next wine and a new bunch of people!

A night sure to be filled of intrigue, adventure, hilarity, erotica and romance!!!!!

$30 PER PERSON
TUESDAY NOVEMBER 27th
6.30pm

PLACES STRICTLY LIMITED – Remember singles only and you must include a friend
of the opposite sex with your booking!

I like wine. And I like my friend Tom, so I went along to chaperone him. Because obviously as an old cougar spinster, I am the ideal chaperone. However, the best thing was that upon arriving, I didn’t feel at all like a cougar. I was at least five years younger than all the other women there. Hurrah!

Actually, that’s a lie. The best thing upon arriving was the glass of delicious bubbly that tasted like it was Italian and prosecco-ish, but was in fact an Australian bubbly chardonnay. We drew numbers out of big jars for our table places, and after another glass of the delicious bubbly, we sat down in groups of three men/three women, and had to announce our star signs. Simple, I’m a Gemini. No one else at the table was, to the best of my recollection. We were poured tastings from a bottle in a brown paper bag, and had to answer three multichoice questions about it. I knew straight away it was a Sav, and I was pretty sure it was from NZ, and Marlbourgh at that. Yay me! But we were assisted in our blind tastings by Nicola’s explanations of what the regional differences were like, had our glasses topped up, and smiled and nodded.

The boys moved over to the next table to be replaced by a new lot, and the question we needed to answer to get was “what kind of car would you be?”. I said I’d like to think I was some big brash mustang convertible in some fantastic colour, but I’d probably be a white prius – not the best kind of hybrid available, and like, so last year in trends”. One guy said he’d be a concept car, and I said “Like Homer’s with the giant cup-holder?” and the table went completely silent and I watched tumbleweeds roll past. Really? REALLY? Not even that basic a Simpsons reference could get recognised? Woah. Tough crowd. And a tougher wine. I think it was a viogner. I can’t remember. Nice work Jo. Perhaps Tom could post if he remembers what the wines were.

In the next group, we had to say what our favourite word was. I thought of a long-gone friend’s long letter to me, and claimed ‘succulent’ as my own. I got to use the word ‘onomatepaia’ in my explanation, which luckily was out loud so I didn’t have to spell it. Someone said “you’ve practiced this answer”. I said “I work in communications”. Other than that, there wasn’t much talk of work. One guy said that his favourite word was ‘Orb’, and I said “so do you like The Orb?” and he was like “well I like the planet earth” and I was like “huh? I meant the early ’90s techno band” and he stared at me like I was crazy, so I was very happy when the guy across the table was like “I like The Orb” and named some of their albums. Finally someone understood me! I wasn’t actually talking crazy after all! In fact, that guy was probably my favourite of the night. He laughed at my jokes, and seemed normal, and didn’t have a mo. I could have put down at the end of the night that I wanted his email address, but that would of course have opened me up to the possibility of rejection, and god forbid I should ever take any chances! We drank some red wine. It was delicious. That’s all I remember about it. Perhaps it was Italian. Or Argentinian.

In the next group, we had to give examples of the best or worst pickup lines we’d ever heard or used. I offered up “Your curtains scare me – can we go to your room?” as laaaaaame (although that worked), and as possibly the best ever, “I’d buy you a drink but I don’t buy girls drinks because they use me too much” as most powerful, because it got us talking, made me buy him a drink to make up for all the other girls, and introduced the user as a wounded flower who obviously needed someone to take care of him. At least three times that night. Heh. We also drank more red wine. There was a girl at my table who was getting most of the wine questions right. The other girl at the table was not very forthcoming with answers. Some of the guys weren’t either. One of the guys in the previous round had said he didn’t have a favourite word. I told him his new favourite word was ‘banana’ and he had to use it in the future. I suspect this meant that he would have had to tell every other group as he went around about it, but somehow I doubt he would have. Shy people freak me out. People at the table talking about how hard it is to meet people when you’re in your thirties and don’t like bars also freak me out a lot. Thank god for being 27.

The next group, with a delicious bubbly shiraz was all about the “naughtiest thing you’ve ever done”. Both Tom and I, comparing notes later, were very much like “Seriously? WTF?” about people’s “naughtiest” stories, which consisted of things like “knocking a book out of a teacher’s hand” at age five, or their boss – not even them – throwing up in a cab. My story was of revenge in a toilet stall. It got shared in front of the whole group. Awesome. At least I was happy to participate. I’d had Lominger Competencies earlier in the morning at work, and had been pissed off then too by people who wouldn’t talk and join in. What’s the point? So I had some more wine, and then ran off to Quiz Night where the quiz master told me to shut up because I was drunk. Heh.

EDIT: Tom says “The second one was a Pinot Gris from Argentina, there was a Malbec there somewhere, plus a Negroamaro from somewhere in southern Italy (Puglia, I think).

Your description of the night was bang on. All I remember was getting drunk quickly and acting too loud and inappropriate for what was pretty much a bunch of wallflowers.”

Of course, he could have commented that for himself, but oh well.

Tom posted on the Wellingtonista recently about the places to drink for free. Join me as I try to score free drinks every week until the end of the year.

By the time Friday rolled around and I hadn’t had any free drinks (partly because I was desperate to get some home time in to prepare for my party and to keep from going completely insane), I was getting kind of nervous. Would my challenge fall over in only its third week?

Of course it wouldn’t. I’m Jo Hubris, after all. I have my finger in many many pies. And so the lovely Anna from the Wellingtonista stepped up and invited us all to the opening of Any Suggestions at the Film Archive. Yay! I love the film archive but I hadn’t actually been there since that time I saw the editor of NME speak, courtesy of the British Council. So it was happily that I headed on down to the corner of Taranaki and Ghuznee after work.

The event itself

Companions: When I walked in, I was pleased to see a whole host of Wellingtonistas – Hadyn (and Wellingtonista PAG Amy), Tom and Kowhai, who had secured a table and were sitting contentedly around it chatting. Anna was also floating around.

Venue: the Film Archive lobby is a cafe/library-type place, all done up in white plastic like a futuristic 1960s set. It’s a very pretty place. There weren’t huge crowds of people, so it was nice to be able ot have a table to return to, especially to dump a heavy bag (BYO for dinner later), and you didn’t have to stand balancing your glass. It also meant you could peruse the exhibition at your leisure, and feel very very civilised.

Drink: the bar had a list of drinks available, which included Gisbourne Gold (nice!) and Monteith’s Original, and chardonnay and cabernet-merlot from Okahu Estate Shipwreck Bay. I made myself sound like a fucking twat when I went up and asked for a glass of Cabernet Merlot, and watched the girl pour a glass of the chardonnay, and when she handed it to me I was like “yeah that’s cool, but can I have a glass of the Cabernet please?” So I tried to avoid going to the bar after that, because who wants to be known as Douche Girl? Not me. I had three glasses of the red, and it was nice and mellow.

Food: our table had a bowl of delicious senbei/peanut mix on it, and that was constantly nibbled.

People: As well as the lovely Wellingtonistas, Anna introduced us to some people from the VBC, one of whom I had already met as he was my next-door neighbour growing up in Ngaio.

Scoring factor: given that I didn’t talk to anyone new, and that I was leaving by 7pm, zilch. Plus the presence of actual children can be a little offputting towards encouraging making knuckle-children.

Celebrities: None that I recognised. Unless you count a douche who’s had grafitti written about him in both the men’s and the women’s bathrooms at Mighty Mighty. And I don’t.

Overall: A very pleasant way to start a gentle Friday night. Thanks Anna!

As per usual, let me start off this entry with an invitation to a party:

We’re having Country Club: India on Saturday, and you’re of course invited. I must clean and make curries and try and make mini naans before then. What a busy girl I’ll be. As per usual. I suspect starting my free drinking challenge possibly wasn’t the smartest decision I’ve ever made without being willing to cut down on the expensive events too. But nevermind. Luckily now that I have a camera, I can keep better track of the things that I have been up to.

And so let’s talk about Saturday October 27, which started off with a pony at the Houghton Bay School Fair that I wasn’t allowed to ride (I didn’t actually ask) so I settled for sitting in tiny little very sturdy seats in the kindergarten with my knees around my ears instead, hiding out from the freezing cold that my jandals and 3/4 length (actually on me they’re more 5/8) tights were not equipt to deal with. But man, when did school fairs become so fancy? I ate pad thai, and samosas, and there was all kinds of other posh food like falafels and morrocan curries as well as the usual sausage sizzle. In the car, Kat said to me “Me and Sebastian are becoming great friends since I feed him all the time. If you don’t stop going out drinking he’s going to think that I’m his mummy” and I actually cried. But then me and Kat and Kane and Kenna and Tavers moved on to a long extended trip to the Warehouse for costuming for the event that night:

What were we up to that night? Why, the MOTHERFUNKIN’ RASSLIN’, of course! Holy crap, it was exciting. I have a video on my camera of Purple Haze, who is, according to Kat’s sign “New Zealand’s sexist[sic] masked man” (it was only Tom G who noticed her missing e), wrestling the Condor, and you can hear me screaming my lungs out and it goes all jerky when I jump to my feet at the end of the match. SO MUCH FUN! And then at half time we got CORN DOGS! And I was dressed as a zombie bride! And then a Bush Wacker came out! And walked all funny! And there was SO MUCH CROTCH EVERYWHERE! SO SO SO AWESOME! And the kids in front of us, who’d previously been screaming for bloody genuinely started crying when their father got cut up for serious. And there was the most hilarious except for the racism and homophobia kid yelling behind us. And my insults were also very witty too. And Tom G giggles like a girl and was great company for RASSLIN’ cos he knows everything about it. Here are some more photos to show you the awesomeness of it all:

It’s good to know I already have the outfit for when I totally marry Chris DeLorean, whose crotch is pictured here. Sans the large errection that other wrestlers were sprouting.

My sign which hadn’t dried in time (too much glitter paint) said “Lazarus Volt, fast like a colt”. But obviously a quarter of the size of Trooper

H. Flame & Max Damage vs The Overstayers (in the shiny trousers)

After the RASSLIN’ was finished, Jimmy, Tom G and I strolled down to Mighty Mighty to meet up with Tom B and listen to the band of the fantastic Mitch. I was very very very amused when a boy came up, and invited me to join their stag night, on the basis that I must be on my hen’s night. I was like “what? Why would you think that?”, deciding to pretend that I wasn’t wearing a large veil, since he had obviously missed the sunken eyes and bloody mouth. When he said that it was the way I was dressed, I was like “what? But I just got up this way!” and pointed out that I was actually sitting with three guys and it would have been a rather poor Hen’s Night if that was the case. And then I leant back to show him the blood gushing from my wrong-sided heart (it’s hard when you’re not wearing a shirt to do the maths when applying fake blood stains,really! Especially when you’ve dyed your hands red and need to scrub them with detergent, a dish brush, turpentine and sugar and still fail to lift the stains), and he said it was obviously just red wine, and I was like “no no sir, I spent half an hour holding a hairdryer on this to set the stain” and then he went to suck my shirt, and I moved it away from my body. You know, he may have had a little bit of a stupid approach, unless that was his act, but he was very cute, as was his friend who came and started stroking my face later, so Ir eally need to drop my whole insulting people when they hit on me defence. Like, seriously. We drank many bottles of nice red wine, and had dances, and finally Tom G and I left and had a sizeable debate about whether or not we felt like going to a strip club. I suggested that the way I was dressed would not result in me getting free lap dances, so we decided to save it for another time, and went and got kebabs instead. Some girl overheard us talking about why you shouldn’t sleep with lesbians so she and her boyfriend came and joined our table, and we had a very strange conversation that I can’t actually remember. We left her with the parting advice of “remember not to sleep with lesbians!” and she sounded offended, all “my mother’s a lesbian” and so I was like “umm, that’s probably a really good reason not to sleep with her then”. Heh. Then in the morning, my hair looked like this, so it’s just as well that the turquoise Clairol shampoo is as de-dredging as its ads make it out to be!

So that was the Saturday. I think I stayed in bed for a lot of the Sunday. Possibly until 6pm that night. Or maybe I got up and did things. My memory isn’t what it used to be, with me being like a trillion and six and all. Oh no wait, I made homemade chicken soup for all my sick friends! Well, all the ones who were ill anyway. Here’s how I did it, it was bloody tasty:

• Brown some chicken wings all over in a frypan
• Dice two onions, a whole head of garlic and two thumbs of garlic, and lightly saute
• Pour one litre of chicken soup over the onions and bring to the boil. Add the chicken wings, and deglaze their pan with some white wine, adding that in too.
• Add the juice and rind of one lemon, and some chili if you have it. Bring to the boil, then turn down and simmer lightly for 30 minutes or so, until the chicken starts falling off the bone
• Pull the chicken pieces out of the soup with tongs, and strip off the meat, throwing it back in the pot
• Add three peeled diced potatoes, or alpabet noodles. Add in diced carrots, celery and red pepper. Cook until the veges are soft

Of course only Shirley was home to receive her soup, so Lisa and Dylan missed out on getting well again. And I made Impromptu Flat Dinner since Smoo showed up as well, having been away for a couple of weeks, and a good time was had by all. Monday was a beautiful night of veging in front of the television. Tuesday night was Quiz and we got the right table and so we won again, hurrah. Wednesday night was ummmm hmmm, perhaps nothing? And then on Thursday was the free drinks which I have already written about.

Which brings me to the glorious weather of Friday, and this series of photos.

What you’re looking at is 1. the view from the cafe at the Archives where I ate some of the nicest corn fritters I have ever eaten, except they needed sour cream on the side. 2. A slightly suspicious-looking man on the tables at Zarbo that Tom B and I dragged out into the sun across the walkway with permission from the waiter. 3. The Mexican Wrestlers lining the coffee machine at Sweet Mother’s Kitchen where we ate mountains of food and they didn’t charge us for one pitcher of margaritas, and 4. Dylan’s ear at Mighty Mighty.

To elaborate more about my night, it started in the sun at Zarbo, and moved indoors when it got colder. The service was very very slow, but it was their first week, so perhaps it will improve. After that we went down to Sweet Mother’s Kitchen and ate hush yo’ mouth puppies, swamp dip, curly fries and I had Boom Boom chicken with bourbon potato mash, and we washed it down with a couple of jugs of margaritas, one of which they didn’t charge us for so I really must make amends. Mmmmm far too much food. Then we went up to Other Lisa’s party in her friend’s apartment, and she grabbed my boobs. Twice. Shock horror! I talked shit to Dylan for ages, and then I shocked Lisa’s friends by telling them a terrible joke and grabbing her boobs in return, but only because we were on our way out the door to Mighty Mighty where we danced to bad music and I had to leave because it was too fucking hot. I went to bed about 4am, but I hear that was much earlier than some people.

Needless to say, Saturday was spent largely in bed with Sebastian. Eventually I dragged myself up around 2 or something, and considered going into town to try and look for a sari, but then I realised that my hoodie was really dirty and I’d have to get changed, so I settled for pizza at the Med Warehouse, then supermarket shopping at Newtown New World which I’m loving for its tiny size but good selection. I cleaned myself up, had a nap, and then went into town to meet Karen and TomB and Yenping and Nick at the Oriental Thai for dinner. We were seated in the back room, which meant we had appallingly bad service – Yenping was extra to the booking, so they totally failed at bringing her a chair or a place setting, and when a glass of water got knocked over they laid another mat on top of the damp, finally, and requests for water glasses were ignored, but luckily all our wine was screwcap, and the chicken came served inside a pineapple, so that was all very well. Their Pad Thai was crap though. We had many amusing conversations though, and some very nice Reislings, and a Pinot Gris made out of the blood of an army of clones. Muahahhaa.

Then it was time to go up to the Party on the edge of the Hill, so Karen, Tom and I rocked on up there. There was much standing around in the kitchen. There was giving people sparklers to make new friends. And there was absinthe. Oh yes, there was absinthe. Behold.

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Karen and I thought that the Absinthe was disgusting, and yet we continued to drink it because it was delicious. Meanwhile Tom drank enough to start seeing the Green Fairy

The best thing about drinking Absinthe was that instead of events getting blurrier, they seemed to get clearer and clearer. While outside getting some air (it was HOT inside), Karen and I spotted a car parked with a beer bottle on its roof, and as there were people inside the car, we went through a long round of miming “there’s a beer bottle on your roof!” at them which they didn’t get at all, so eventually I went down to move it for them, and was thanked with a “Show us your boobs!”. Awesome, almost as classy as the guy who pissed in front of us. But there were actually some very nice, very cute boys, some of whom were a little bit handsy when they shouldn’t have been because it’s just not fair! I met a very nice French boy who may have actually kissed my hand and made me giggle like a schoolgirl, and we talked about how being 27 means it’s important to act like a dead rockstar. I had a desperate lust for any kind of man-flesh but ultimately settled for every fat girl’s fall-back – finding a gay boy to tell you that you’re fabulous and feel you up when you’re dirty-dancing.Naturally. It was a looooong night. I tried to call a taxi sometime after 3, but someone stole it, so I ended up sitting on the porch until around 4am, taking photo after photo, most of which have since been deleted, because normally I wouldn’t put up bad photos of my friend. But in retaliation for some atrocious ones of me that Tom took, let me show you this as a lesson in why Absinthe isn’t always your friend:

And now it’s today and I need to do some cooking and find a sari before Saturday. Hurrah!

Tom posted on the Wellingtonista recently about the places to drink for free. Join me as I try to score free drinks every week until the end of the year.

For the second event in my series, tonight I went to:

“The 2007 Annual General Meeting of Members of Young IT Professionals Network Incorporated trading as Unlimited Potential (the “Society”) will be held at the Wellington Convention Centre, 111 Wakefield Street, Wellington on Thursday, 1 November 2007, commencing at 6.00pm. Join us from 5:30pm for networking.”

Now, if something says that there’s “networking” at 5.30, you’d read that as “drinks”, right? So in that spirit, myself and a couple of of other IT-ish people (Tom and James) RSVPed and concocted a clever plan to go for the drinks and leave before the AGM.

Of course, that’s not what happened. James, Tom, Shirley and I showed up at a little after 5.30 (apparently there’s no longer an umbrella on the corner of Wakefield and Cuba – when did that happen?), we found a group of people standing around in the town hall, and while the ceilings sure had pretty moulded plaster ceilings, THERE WAS NO BAR!!!!!!!!! James left because he’s a good family man, so we cut out of there straight away, and headed to Finc for a bottle of Squawking Magpie pinot gris. For $39 it was easily dividable by three, and peary and delicious. After Shirley decided to go study, I made Tom go back to the Town Hall with me, out of determination to live up to my drinking challenge for YOU, my dear Hubris reader.

So back up the pretty tiled stairs we went, going “hmmm, it sounds very very quiet”, but when we saw the door to the foyer room place where people had been gathered was open (wow, how badly constructed was that sentence?) we thought we might as well creep in there to see if perhaps the bar had been set up while people were still AGMing. We stepped in, and we saw that it was, so I raised my arms in a great big “Woooooo…” but then, I saw him. The Wellington Convention Centre’s very own Clarence Weidman, complete with blue blazer and grey slacks. He was standing possessively behind the drinks table, so I changed course and headed to the badge table instead. Clarence muttered something and made a move to hold open the door into the council chamber, and so somehow Tom and I found ourselves sitting at the back of the AGM, me trying not to snicker as we came in the middle of a speaker that I of course took totally out of context when he was asked “So what did you say to him in the morning?” and he spoke about how he let the mysterious him talk about himself, totally like they’d hooked up, especially after he said “oh yeah he pulled out all the keys”. Everyone looked very serious and not sniggery at all, so I tried to take photos of the council chamber’s chandelier instead, but my camera battery was flat. I said “Aye” to some things, and hoped that someone would say no, and then the meeting was over, and the “networking” started.

The event itself

Companion: Tom, who I have been doing a lot of drinking with lately. He works in ICT as well, so he was a legitimate guest of the event.

Venue: The drinks were held in the foyer outside the Council Chambers in the Town Hall, on the first floor. I love the Town Hall so much that my very first post on the Wellingtonista was about it, so it was nice to see a new area. The Council Chambers were all wood panelling and leather, just the way you’d imagine someone evil like Kerry presiding over, and the foyer was lighter-coloured, but nice and old fashioned. The toilets had sensor-lights in them, which was appreciated.

Drink: The bar table had glasses already poured of now-warm Sav, Chardonnay and red (I didn’t recognise the brand, it was probably some side-Montana label), as well as Heineken and perhaps Tui? They topped up glasses if they noticed you bring one up, but then stopped attending the bar so it was grab-what-you-can.
Tally: 5 glasses Sav, approximately $35 in a bar, $12 at home

Food: There were two platters of antipasto stuff on two tables, with a plate of mixed bread on each. The selection of meats and cheeses and bits and pieces, was really good-looking, but as I said to Tom “You can tell that Kerry provided it due to an obvious lack of thinking and follow-through in terms of not actually providing us with knives with which to cut the cheese”. Of course, Clarence Weidman came out with them then, just to ruin my joke as well as make me attend an AGM. Bastard!
Tally: A whole bunch of stuff, but not a sizeable meal of it though.

People: I recognised a lot of people from Bar Camp, and I got to talk to Mike and Matthew about the olden days of the interweb (like, totally last millennium!) which was fun. I also am now apparently joining a women in ICT group, and if my bag was at my feet I’d tell you exactly what it was, but you know, my couch is too comfy to get up from.

Scoring factor: There were some cute boys, but I didn’t talk to them. A lot of people seemed to take off straight after the AGM, so I wonder where their priorities really lie…

Celebrities: There was someone there who is going to be nominated for Wellingtonista Person of the Year. But I can’t tell you who. Yet.

Gifts: None. Apart from the gift of networking, I suppose.

Total freebie value: It cost me $13 in wine while waiting around, and then 20 minutes of listening to the AGM, but I talked, networked, ate and drank for an hour, so I’d say I was $20 up (that’s serving myself at home prices), ultimately. Plus I got to do this entry, and that’s what’s most important, right?

Tom posted on the Wellingtonista recently about the places to drink for free. Join me as I try to score free drinks every week until the end of the year.

For the first in my series, tonight I’m going to the

“AUT Alumni Cocktail function is this Thursday from 6 – 8 pm. at Hotel Inter-Continental.”

You can sneak in and join me there, and I’ll report back on how it is when I come home, including analysis of the food, the selection of drinks, the company and how much I got out of it and its approximate monetary value.

The event itself

Companion: Fellow AUT Alumni Shirley, and if we were bad sort of people, we may have snuck someone else in under the pretext that they were in our class. But we’re not bad people, honest.

Venue: The drinks were held at the Hotel Intercontinental, in one of the function rooms. It was a very bland space designed for around 30 people. Arm chairs were around the walls, and there were a couple of small tables in the middle of the room, cleverly placed for putting down empty drink glasses, and with bowls for rubbish. An effort was made to make them look more interesting by scattering flat blue glass marbles on top. The bar table was near the entrance door, which was guarded by an AUT staffer to make sneaking in people without them being added to the mailing list much harder. Some of the lights in the windowless room weren’t turned on, allowing the non-AUTer to lurk in the shadows more. Oh, and the toilets had individual hand towels. Classy.
How good was it?: I hadn’t been to the Intercontinental since we went there for KateB’s 12th birthday dinner when it was the Park Royal, so that was nice to do something different, but it was an incredibly bland space.

Drink: The bar had bottles of Montana wine displayed in classy silver bottle-coolers – Lindauer, Sav and a red I didn’t inspect. The beer range was Monteiths and Heineken, and in an unusual touch, they also had a cruet-holder with classy bottles of raspberry, lime and lemon syrups, as well as a range of mixers, suggesting that maybe there were spirits behind the bar. But given how long it took to get a glass of wine poured (there was only one girl behind the bar, who struggled with the Lindauer cork for aaaages), I didn’t bother asking for a mixed drink so I can’t confirm that they were actually offering spirits, or what brand they were.
Tally: 4 glasses bubbly ($28 value in a bar, $9 at home)

Food: Food was brought around on small platters by one waiter, who didn’t circle the room properly, so most of the food went to the people nearest the door, dammit! It consisted of mini sushi (I hate sushi), coconut-crusted prawns (they looked so good I almost tried one, but I don’t like prawns either), rare roast beef on polenta bites (really yummy) and tiny pieces of cheese on tiny bagel chips (only one lot of these circulated as far as I saw).
Tally: 3 pieces beef, 1 piece cheese – I’m estimating the catering was $2.50 per menu selection per person, with 2 or 3 items offered for each thing, so maybe a $5 catering value.

People: There weren’t many nametags left when we went in, but it turned out that there weren’t all that many people there at all. We were pounced on for conversation when we entered, and gradually we started talking to other ex-comms people, all at a very superficial level. There was, however, one woman there who might be a valuable business contact for both Shirley and I, so that’s a good start.

Scoring factor: Zilch. It was almost all entirely corporate women, or older men associated with AUT. And it was far too civilised to start to find out juicy details about the people.

Celebrities: Gemma Gracewood, who didn’t stay long.

Gifts: We got AUT Alumni Network branded pens when we left. They’re silver, with a padded grip and quite classy. However, when you work in an office, good pens lose their novelty value. Unless this one can write in SPACE! Which I don’t think this one can. I also got an AUT-branded lanyard on my name badge, which I’m sure I can be put to good use as a red accessory for my work ID instead of the usual pale blue I use.

Total freebie value: We were only there for around an hour out of its two hour window, so had Shirley not wanted to go and catch up with our mysterious friend who went out for a cigarette and didn’t come back, I could have made better use of the bar. But with such a small group of people assembled (20) and only one bar person, frequent trips to the bar would have been more noticeable and frowned on. Still, it cost me only a quick application of eyeshadow and a ten minute stroll from work, and I got to hang out with Shirley, and then her mysterious friend’s friend bought me a drink in the hotel bar afterwards, so not a waste of time at all. A fine start to free drinks each week, me thinks.

Some fucker stole my golden lampshade out of the garage. You’re a fucker, fucker. How did it get there in the first place? Well, that’s a good question. On Friday, I bought a chandelier for the lounge at a store called JoJo that’s on the corner of Victoria and Manners St. I could have bought the same chandelier for the same price in that little store full of shiny things in the Duke’s Arcade, but the scary woman in there scares me too much. If I had a camera, I’d take a photo of it to show you, but of course you know that I lost my camera a couple of Fridays ago.

There wasn’t really a chance for me to have lost my camera this Friday though, as it was terribly civilised. I hiked up to the Herd Street Bra after work to meet up with Tom and Che and MG and their respective partners for a drink. Karen came along and we headed off to New World for dinner supplies and to be picked up by Miss Lisa. We shredded roast chicken and tossed it with chickpeas, feta, avomacado, cashews, red capsicum, spring onions and coleslaw fixings and ate it in piles with walnut bread. And then we watched Captain Tightpants some more, woo hah. I suspect sometimes that I should find a new expression other than “woo hah”, because while it is awesome, it is definitely overused.

On Saturday, I went and had my alonetime brunch at Elements. On my drive there I noticed a filing cabinet inside the Salvation Army op shop in Kilbernie, so on my way back I stopped in and bought it for $35. There was a bit of fanangling to get it into my teeny tiny car, especially since there were still boxes of pottery lying around in it, but with the help of the young guy from the shop we got it there in the end. And I managed to drag it out of my car and into the garage at home, because I am Superwoman. I went to the Meditteranean Warehouse in Newtown to buy a bottle of Amaro for Tom, and also a can of silver spraypaint. Then I had to sand the fucker down, and scrape off old stickers. Hurrah for having turpentine in the house. I am so fucking crafty; craftly like a MONGOOSE. I ran out of silver paint on the third side of the cabinet, so I switched to gold for the handles, and then I spraypainted the round white paper lampshade that’d been hanging in the lounge until I put up the chandelier. But now some asshole’s taken that. Boourns. The cabinet is looking stunning though, with another couple of coats of paint that I raced to the store to buy today after work despite feeling sick sick sick.

Saturday night I got glammed up and hopped on a bus to Sandwiches for Tom’s birthday dinner. They had no pork belly so after Che’s discussion on veal I opted for the vege cannelloni. I sent an update to twitter that said “Last time i was here at Sandwiches i was having the best pashes of my recent years. I miss Shiny! I look even hotter tonite than then though.” Dinner and conversation was very civilised, but I did get an odd look when I suggested to someone that they could fill their attic with dead bodies instead of pink bats as insulation. Apparently that’s not the done thing. When we were leaving, someone grabbed me and hugged me, and it was Bart with Blair, so I made a split-moment decision to go with them instead of going up to the Hawthorne Lounge. We went up to Richard’s apartment on Cuba Street and read catelogues from the Danish Sex Museum and drank and talked shit, then we went to the Southern Cross and wrapped ourselves up in polar fleece blankets cos it was fucking cold outside. When that shut we went to Frindigo, but that was closing a couple of drinks later, so we ended up at Club K, where we did shots of jagermeister and I got dragged onto the dance floor by some girl. Then after Bart and Blair sang a couple of Fall Out Boy songs (haha!), I somehow found myself warbling through ‘Like a Virgin’. I think they turned the microphone off on me, I was that bad. But it was fantastic! And I got home some time after 4am, fell asleep on the couch and then woke up in my bed still wearing my clothes. Needless to say, Sunday was a write-off.

I thought I had more to say today, but I guess I don’t, so I will watch the last two episodes of Season One of Deadwood instead. Tomorrow I’m going to Eagle Vs Shark, and on Thursday is the Great Blend, hurrah! And I’m still looking for a flatmate, grrrrr.

1. Some photos that the lovely Miss Fur took on my request.

My sexy new filing cabinet, all painted up and installed in my room and full of bed linen

My sexy new Sharondalier. Sort of.

(oh okay, she hasn’t uploaded them yet, but when she does, I will edit this)

2. I went to the Great Blend last night. Beforehand, Karen and I met up with Alan and Tom at the Port Cafe where they didn’t have any of the fishes that Karen wanted to eat, but her eventual decision of Bluenose and my Groper were fucking awesome. Their food is so yummy, their decor is so crap. Oh well. At the Great Blend I found the scrumptious Miss Kimberley and she came and sat with us at the back on leather couches where I could drink and giggle and whisper to my heart’s content without bothering so many people.

My text to Martha: RB namechecked me in his opener – “We moved venues so that Jo of Hubris has a better place to swim” I’ve fucked at least 2 ppl here. I was pleasantly surprised it was only two people. I was expecting up to four.

My text to Robyn: Russell Brown just gave you massive shoutouts, woo! xojo

I hadn’t hung out with Alan very much previously, so it was awesome that I got a chance to last night, and hopefully I didn’t make too much of a drunken nuisance of myself with my hilarious commentary – and my yelling anger when the guy from TVNZ showed a total lack of understanding about egovt guidelines (I’m gearing up for my new job already, obviously) although later when he said he was the boss of the captioning division his lack of knowledge made more sense. Alan was shocked when I announced my intention to hit on Damian Christie (He likes banging fat chicks! I should be so in!), and told me I could do better, which is sweet, but awww, poor Damian, haven’t we bashed him enough? At the bar Kowhai Montgomery introduced herself and we had a good talk, and she was awesome. I also saw CJ who used to do the job I used to do, and who’d been on the Silverstripe bowling team in the Wellingtonista league, and so now she is totally my WBLTMNBFFIMDAHTRFL (that’s ‘would be like totally my new best friend forever if Martha didn’t already have that role for life’ in case you’re not down with the kids’ slang). It was funny watching Karen’s face during the talk, because she’s not overly internetly inclined, and she doesn’t even own a TV. Plus she had to drink Chardonnay. I told Tom from TVNZ that I hope that they show all three alternative endings to the Shortland Street serial killer (incidently, I am so loving it – I was totally shocked when Claire showed up dead – really didn’t expect that, though I keep getting Meg confused with the new MILF character so I didn’t care about her, and I knew Jay was going to die when they gave her a long, lingering goodbye) and then babbled something about Idol slash and something more about how awesome Robyn is. He and Damian kept going outside to have cigarettes whenever I went to talk to them, so my seduction plan totally failed.

Eventually someone yelled out that a taxi was leaving, so I ditched Karen totally and ran off with Russell and CJ and Tom TVNZ and ummm someone else was in the cab – maybe Kowhai – and we went to Mighty Mighty. Of course. More drinking was done, and I saw Luke Buda there, and decided it would be an awesome time to congratulate him for his costume in Eagle Vs Shark (which is great and you should see it) – if you’ve seen it, you’ll know that he is in a bear costume in one scene, which is hilarious on so many levels because a) I love me some Phoenix Foundation and b) I love me some bears and c) I love me some people in animal costumes and d) I love me some pretending that Sam Scott is a giant bear, and so therefore e) Luke Buda dressed up as Sam Scott! So awesome! But he failed to see how awesome it was. Strange that, I mean I always love it when drunk girls come up to me and slur at me and act like dicks. Also he said he didn’t get to choose his costume and sounded a little grumpy about it. So luckily there were other people there for me to talk more shit to, and so I proceeded to do that at great length. Yeah.

3. I still haven’t found a flatmate. I don’t understand why not.

I could do a post full of misery about how I did something really fucking stupid due to a miscommunication and while I’m always happy to stand up and take the blame for anything I do and accept any consequences, this impacts on someone else rather than me and that sucks so much. But I’m not going to because while that is keeping me up at night, I would rather make a list of things that are awesome.

• The Daily Show sending Rob Riggle to Iraq. Rob’s probably my least favourite corrospondent, because they’ve got Jason Jones to cover the stupid white man angle already, but the two posts he’s come up with so far have been brilliant. So brilliant in fact that perhaps Smoo might find tonight that what he thought was going to be an episode of The Sopranoes was in fact The Daily Show. Unless I can still pick up C4 on the TV without an ariel. We’ll see.
• The guy at the Victoria St Cafe who always greets me like a longlost friend – although he said today that he saw me walking past this morning and thought I was going to come in and said he was sad that I didn’t. I can’t figure out if he’s a) this friendly with all his customers b) has taken a particular shine to me c) I actually know him and just can’t remember where from or d) he thinks I’m someone else. Still, it’s nice to be recognised. The British girl downstairs at Wishbone recognises me too because she spilt my coffee two days in a row, but we’ve managed to break the curse now.
• While my red maryjanes are cutting into my feet something terrible today, Lani’s told me she’s got a stretching spray I can try on them, and my manager said that there’s a shoe-place nearby that will stretch them for me so I can go pain free. Hurrah! The soles in these shoes are really comfortable, and the bit against the archilles is padded, so it’s just getting the tops that go over my fatty meat plates to break.
• I’ve just booked flights ($108 return, thank you very much Pacific Blue) to Auckland to go to Muse in November. This will help me feel a little bit better about missing Bloc Party, and since they’re playing on a Friday, I’m flying up after work on the Thursday and only missing one day of work, hurrah!
• I have all the answers for a project manager today. That makes me happy.
• Tomorrow is Friday, and then it is Saturday, and on Saturday I get to see assorted Wellingtonistas out for Mr. Beard’s birthday.
• My counsellor comes back in September so I can go and burden her with all my head garbage instead of letting it fester inside me, woo!
• I get to go home to a clean house after work today after much vacuuming and scrubbing last night for a flat inspection. If we didn’t pass, I will be mad as a box of snakes.

Also, I’m still looking for a flatmate. Please hook a sister up.