Hubris.co.nz

Despite all my statements on Twitter that I’m gay this month (because yes, you can totally dictate your sexuality like that, weren’t you aware?), mostly June has been a month of birthdays, and that is a fantastic thing, but it has pretty much killed me and my July schedule is looking about as full, and really, maybe it’s time that you guys all started paying attention to the things I say about you all behind your back, because really, I can’t take all this popularity anymore. It’s exhausting!

So anyways, near the start of June, I was supposed to go to Social Innovation Camp, but I was so so tired from presenting about SMS to people, and so much talk talk talk about work stuff, and I was hungover from something, some drinking after work but where and with who I can’t remember, but oooh, a look at my Google Calendar tells me that I had a glasses adjustment (I got new glasses) that day, so now I remember that I thought I lost my glasses that night, which means that i was playing Rockband with a whole bunch of public servants (I eventually found my glasses days later having torn my room apart and uncovering a dead rat under my bed by following a trail of peanuts – my laptop had crumbs on it so I had obviously been eating something while writing crap on the internet drunk, and then I saw a peanut container by my chest, and so if I’d thrown the peanut container there, perhaps I had thrown my glasses there too, and I had – I’m so Veronica Mars it hurts sometimes). I would not be able to function without Google Calendar, I almost had a heart attack when it went down one day oooh la la. Anyways, back to my point. So anyways, on a Saturday at the start of June I had to drag my ass over to Karen’s house to do secret work on Neil’s birthday present, and Amy was supposed to be coming over to make us up, so I was in ratty tshirt and jeans, and I was carrying food, and wine, and I had to walk up three floors because the lift was down, and I walked in the door of Karen’s apartment and then this happened:


Photo by Jed
It turned out that I was having a MOTHERFREEKING CIRCUS FREAK SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY! Have you ever seen me speechless before? No? Well you should have been there really, shouldn’t you? Oh my stars, it was astonishing. There were lions and tigers and bears and creepy hypnotists, and two-headed freaks, and bearded ladies, and kissing booths and cakes with ponies and decorations everywhere and flaming hoops and gypsies and fortune tellers and cupcakes and umm, just go look at photos from Anji and Bambi and Kowhai and Jed’s and my crappy cellphone photos (I can’t find my camera cable). I was truly truly blown away, it was astonishingly awesome. I have never had a surprise party before, and apparently it was rather difficult to plan one for me as I am so hyper-socially-organised, but Karen and Anji and all the other lovelies did a most spectacular job, and I was just like holycrapwowfuck for a very long time. And they read out nice things from people who couldn’t be there, including KateB who had rung the night before to wish me a happy birthday and I had been like “umm, what the fuck? it’s not my birthday for another couple of weeks, how do you not know that?” and she’d been like “oh, umm, I’m drunk” and I’d laughed, but looking back there were a million little pieces that all make sense now. So yes, birthday party. Awesomeness.

There has been a lot of drinking at work lately as well, because of half of our team losing our jobs, and there’s gradual goodbyes, and finishing off of projects, and writing “No, I rocked” as an answer to a personal assessment question about whether I could have done anything better this past year. I’ve finally published the report that I worked on over the summer with the intern, and I’m having my final say about stuff. I cried a little bit when I wrote my last update for the work blog. Then I got drunk. I had birthday dinner with my family at Elements in Lyall Bay which was amazing – incredible service, value and taste, and then last Friday I had a big group dinner with my friends at China Delight, who were delightful and rang me after I’d left to say happy birthday to me again. I have a lot of friends it turns out. There were more drinks at the Hawthorn Lounge after that, even though we’d just been there the week before for Shirley’s 30th. They always give me extra olives in my martinis now.

It’s been so cold that there has had to be lot more drinking because bars are warm. There was burlesque at Bodega that was squirmy. There were long conversations with Canadians at Hooch about the Zombie Apocalypse and the roles that we will all have to play after that. It’s my standard conversational pickup line, obviously. There actually hasn’t been any gayness at all really despite June being Gay Month, unless we count me making $1.50 showing my sailor bra to Anna Jane in the kissing booth at my party, but since I refunded her money because I always give that away for free anyways, it doesn’t really count. It is nice having new friends like Anna Jane, and Kylie, and it is fun to twitter that I’m drinking with Kylie and comparing notes because I am a mean girl.

Wellington continues to be – and in fact grows even more – incestuous but mostly I’m sitting on the sidelines giggling at everyone. I’ve written some mean emails to someone who maybe does or doesn’t deserve it, but they aren’t read anyway. I’ve also written naughty emails to balance out the passive-aggressiveness, because everyone likes that, right? Anji reminded me that I’d been so happy at my surprise party that I promised to not be passive-aggressive to anyone for a whole week, but that didn’t quite work out. I’m surrounded by people all the time and that’s lovely but I’m also kind of lonely sometimes but I know what it is that I want, and I can’t have it, and that’s just that.

I have one full week of work left, and then two days. I am actively applying for jobs, but there aren’t many around that I want. I want to go away to a tropical island for a while but Karen can’t get leave until August. I’m also currently fantasizing about blowing a substantial part of my redundancy payout on this bed which I suppose wouldn’t really be blowing my money away so much given that I spend so much time in bed and I’ve had this one for ten years, but I think I should maybe wait until I have a house of my own in which to put it. I’m not entirely certain I’ve taken my zopiclone tonight (or rather yesterday) since it’s 2am now and I’m not sleeping, so beds are weighing rather heavily on my mind right now. I’m going to use the time without employment to ween myself off the zopiclone very very slowly. I will miss the crazy intense dreams, but I also can’t wait to get rid of them.

Were there other things we needed to talk about? Oh yes, this:

TEN YEARS, BABY! You will come along, right? And finally, if you’re wondering what I look like right now (or rather earlier this evening), here’s a picture of me with a chip cat on my shoulder.

40 questions I answer every year.
1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Traveled internationally for work. Broke the two year rule (it was a pash, and the two year rulee was standing right next to me at the time, and she’s still cool with me, but I’m not sure if it’s cool with me, in principle). Built a tiki shack. Got things for free for blogging – a new phone, fuckloads of beauty products and lots of lovely new friends. Saw a psychiatrist (as opposed to a counselor) and consequently now rely on sleeping pills every day in order to sleep. Orgasmed at someone else’s hand for the first time since my first orgasm. Had two workmates make me cry in one night telling me how awesome I am and that I am valued at work – and one of them was the deputy commissioner. Cried with joy at the US presidential elections.

2007: Had people fight over me to work for them. Went to the wrestling. Watched people play cricket. Enjoyed both of those things. Oh, and had someone fancy me (seriously, who does that?), and treat them badly while trying to do the right thing.
2006: Started saving for my retirement! Went to New York! Went to San Francisco! Owned framed artwork! Owned a sideboard! Been insanely houseproud. And had a regular gym habit that I am addicted to.
2005: Had workmates that I counted as friends and regularly went out with. Lived with my sister as a flatmate. Traveled to tropical islands without my parents. Had an IV drip. Had surgery.
2004:Sold stuff. Stayed in a motel by myself.
Had a bar refuse to serve me any more liquor.
2003.Umm. Published a whole magazine by myself. Lost a job I loved. Moved back home.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
2008: I don’t know what my resolutions were. Maybe to have a relationship? I should have been more specific about the kind of relationship that I wanted! My resolutions for this year I have already broken, as they all related to taking better care of myself.
2007: I can’t remember what my “loftier” ambitions for this year were, but my Matariki resolutions were to wake up with someone in the morning and not mind them being there, which I achieved the night of my birthday party, and to score someone in this house without Lani walking in on me. Having Lani move out really helped with that one!
2006: I had the single New Year’s resolution of having a pash, and an E’d up ex cow-orker made that happen for me in May at Boulot. And Maya. And Sandwiches. Oh the shiny young boy, he was so pretty. And yes, when I first let him kiss me one of my initial thoughts was “Now I have achieved my new year’s resolution!”.

2004:Well according to this I resolved to get a job, which I did, and have a threesome, which I didn’t. And yes, I have made some for next year, but they’re very basic, and you can read about them on Hubris.
2003:My New Year’s resolution was to have a relationship, and I didn’t do that. I came closer than I have for a very long time though, because three of the people I scored this year I had either loved, thought I loved at the time or realised afterwards that I was in love with.
Next year I will make simpler ones like getting a job and/or having a threesome.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
2008: Ummmm Maree did, and Shirley and I cooked a whole bunch of food for her and sent it up via Chelsea. Also Martha was going to, but the baby had other ideas about it.
2007: No, but I wish more would given the amount of cute baby clothes my friends produce!
2006: We’re not as close anymore as we used to be, but Maree had a daughter named Isla, and my ex cow-orker Sarah’s having a bubby as well.
2005: We’re not that close, but Kyla did, and when I got to hold her baby daughter I cried like a big sook.
2004: Hulita, I imagine. Fuck I really should get in touch with her.
2003: Nushka, maybe? And I half believe that I had a super early miscarriage. Joy.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
2008: Nope

2007: Nope.
2006: No, but I still think about Oma a lot, especially at this time of year.
2005: Oma. I just wrote about that though, and it was exhausting.
2004: We weren’t particularly close, but Granny died. Watching her die was the hard part.
2003: No, thank god.

5. What countries did you visit?
2008: Samoa for the most luxuriously lazy holiday ever, and Canberra for work.
2007: Auckland. Oh, and Rarotonga, even though I almost didn’t make it there!
2006: America, FUCK YEAH! I fiiiiiiiiinally got to see Olivia in San Francisco, which I’d been planning for about five years, or as long as she’s lived there. It makes it a little bittersweet that the only reason I got to go was that I inherited some money from Oma. I suppose the one good thing about the timing was that it meant that Kate was in New York so I had a reason to go there as well.
2005: Fiji with KateB, and Rarotonga with Karen. I wish Raro was as hot and sunny and cheap as Fiji. The people and the food was so much nicer.
2004: The ‘Tron.
Auckland so often tha`t I got confused about where I actually` live.
2003: Christchurch and the Hawkes Bay.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
I’d like to have an actual relationship that includes breakfasts, and I’d like to be really good and productive at my job instead of living inside my head and depression so much.
2007: I’d like a relationship. I think I’m finally just about ready.
2006: Abs. I know they’re a long way away. But I can dream. And also maybe a bit more than a drunken pash and couple of gropings. I’d also like to get some faith in my self back.
2005: Well I got the good workmates and the good flatmate, but Anji’s going to move out, so I would like a new flatmate that I can get along really well with. And also A PASH. Holy crap I’d like a pash.
2004: Flatmates that I’m close to, and workmates who say ‘Thank you’. Also I’d really like to have me some sex, but with the conditions laid out on Hubris – IE: not just drunken friend sex.
2003: A stable job that I enjoy, and a relationship.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
2008: Again, I’m going to say the Wellingtonista Awards on December 18, it was quite a big night! I’m so proud of all that we’ve achieved with the site last year and I know it’s going to continue to grow.

2007: December 3 for the Wellingtonista Awards. So much work, but such a payoff. And part of my five year plan!
2006: Halloween Night in San Francisco, because it was the date I planned my trip around. My last day at CWA because of ending up in the ocean. My pirate party because of sheer awesomeness. December 22nd because of Oma dying the year before. Boxing Day (today!) because it’s like the first anniversary of the tsunami anniversary. And that’s kind of funny if you work in the place that I do.Sort of.
2005: June 18th because of the HUGE ENORMAS LABIA and IV drips and so forth, and also December 22nd because of Oma dying.
2004:December 4th – Chelsea’s Wedding Day. Partly because dude, that rocks, but also because it was the date around which I planned my best holiday.
2003: September 12th – last day of my job.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
2008: Making it through the year with my friendships and job intact, actually was pretty huge. And I’m really happy with the Wellingtonista and Pretty Pretty Pretty, how they’re going, and also my involvement in the Wellington community with things like Girl Geek Dinners as well, and arranging swag from lovely people for all the lovely events I was part of.
2007: Being fought over for a job, and realising that actually, while I might have been in a terrible workplace that never gave me any feedback, that doesn’t mean that I’m actually stupid. I’m actually very smart and damn good at my job. And also overcoming the reoccurance of the big Depression, and working really hard to keep myself clear of it. It makes people proud of me. It makes ME proud of me!
2006: Making it to America, continuing to go to the gym with a few lapses, and starting to save for my retirement.
2005: Landing a job where I get paid well, I want to stick around and I think that I am good at it, mostly, and starting up a flat that feels like home. Oh, and going to the gym regularly – except for of course the past couple of weeks. But extrenuating circumstances, really.
2004: Somehow ending up with a sales job despite the fact that I’ve never sold things before and managing to do 73% of my target, as well as becoming a paid writer.
Also, coming off Celepram successfully.
2003: Making it this far, despite the assorted setbacks. Doing my damndest to survive and also doing two people’s jobs for two months – although I wish that had been recognised more.

9. What was your biggest failure?
2008: I’m not allowed to call my depression reoccurrence a failure, but I could have done more to maintain my health. I also made some really bad decisions which I would take back if I could, but since I can’t, I’m not going to dwell.
2007: My fitness level has dropped, my weight has gone up and my finances are in a dire state. But you know what? Fuck that. I haven’t really failed at anything, as such. I did pretty damn well.
2006: Not having lost any weight, and continuing to be afraid that secretly, no one likes me. Oh and perhaps not convincing the boy that I fancied for a long time that actually he fancies me too. And getting hung up on things that should long be dead and buried.
2005: Not getting a single pash. Seriously. Do you know what that does to a girl’s confidence?
2004: Kissing goodbye to any hope of ever starting my own magazine because I realised that I cannot support it on the kinds of amounts of advertising that I could sell. Also not winning the role of Editor at Rip It Up. Y’all did know I’d been interviewed for it, right?
2003: Losing my job, drifting from all my friends, being unable to knock the big D on its head for once and for all, and giving up on Auckland.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
2008: debilitating depression, but other than that, no.
2007: The reoccurance of the D was somewhat of a setback, but better dealt with this time round than in the past.
2006: Other than the flu, insanely sore feet in New York, and many a vast hangover no. But I am a little worried about the new arising Anxiety and will be monitoring it closely.
2005: the infected mosquito bites and the SURGERY ON MY VAGINA count, right?
2004: See below. Wait, also obesity counts, right?
2003: Depression, still. Injuries: the reoccurance of OOS and migraines.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
2008: My eeePC is pretty darn nifty, and also getting my friends to install my wifi for me was a genius idea. Good times! Also, I got to know many of the people that I buy things from, and that makes me happy.
2007: I can’t think of any one thing that’s awesome. A lot of great clothes from Torrid, perhaps? Or all the drinks I’ve had whilst bonding with the Wellingtonista.
2006: headphones that clip over my ears so they don’t fall out when I am exercising, and getting Sebastian’s claws trimmed. And plane tickets to the States.
2005: My couches. Fuck yeah. 5.5 seats worth of stretch-out aubergine beauty.
2004: My laptop because it came with a free iPod, and having an iPod makes life so much better. Also completing the full set of Buffy and Angel. Heh.
2003: My Buffy DVDs.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
2008: I love Bambi because he makes Anji happy and because he likes our family! And Tom is always available for drinking purposes. So many of my friends have stood up and been there for me whenever I needed them. Amy started a website with me, and cuts my hair for free! I take Karen for granted too much, but she is awesome. I also like all the people who have pashed and/or felt me up this year. Nice work, kids!
2007: At the start of the year, Lisa was my constant companion, which made it easier to get through the intensely difficult time between self-diagnosis of depression and the pills starting to work. She’d show up bringing cookies & milk, or DVDs, or her paints, and we’d sit in companionable mostly-silence, and she never asked me difficult questions, and it was just really really helpful getting through thtat time. Later, I met Lani and that was choice, and when she was gone, Kat and Kane are tremendously positive influences on my life, with their compost bins, zen-like personalities and also the WRESTLING! And because I build so much of my life around sex, I will give props to the Ginger for breaking a three and a half year seal, even if he turned out to be a bit of a narrow-minded cunt later, because I was getting to the stage where I thought it was actually a physical impossibility for me to fuck again. Also, we’re probably not going to be flatmates for much longer, so I will declare my undying love for Smoo as a flatmate, for putting up with all my stupid shit, feeding Seb when I ask him and for laughing at my jokes. And did I mention for putting up with my stupid shit for almost two years?
2006: Olivia and Steve for being amongst the best human beings on the planet. Kate for taking me in to her busy life and small space for an intense week. Smoo for being quiet and calm and for laughing at my jokes and being someone I look forward to his coming home every night. D for being a gentleman. Asshole. The people who said nice things at my farewell speeches at CWA. And Mum for last year buying me a gym subscription that has worked wonders in my mental health.
2005: Lisa Fur’s, for being my new friend. But not for her white noise. The company that gave me a job, because most of the time I am really happy in it. Anji’s when she was so good with Oma, and when she’s a good flatmate. The KKK crew for many many good times out in Wellington,
2004: My outgoing boss’s, Heather’s for her lovely shoulders, Anyone that I could have giggly crushes on, Anji’s when she stood up to Mum, Brad and Katy for making me actually have a life in Welly.
2003: My mother for helping me move back, KateB for taking me back, Tom for taking me back.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
2008: there was that ultra-creepy flatmate that I kicked out, but once he was gone, the flat became the home it was supposed to be. Also, people who voted for National, and the people in the US who voted for Proposition 8, and the people in Wellington who still think we need more roads. And at times, I appalled myself, but I’m kind of used to that by now.
2007: At my counsellor’s firm suggestion, I decided not to hang out with people who make me appalled and depressed anymore. It works pretty well! There are some people who sucked a whole bunch in the early year, but I don’t work with them any more, so that’s bygones. I’ll just continue to scowl at them in cafes.
2006: the people who continued to let me down in regards to social events. Me for caring so much.
2005: Tomkat. Anyone who voted Right in the election. Anji’s when she sulked and stole my friends from me. My aunt for ruining our Xmas. People who call me a blogger.
2004: Mum’s psychoness over Neil’s birthday dinner, my uncle Don’s over his coldness at his mother dying, Brian Tamaki and all of Destiny Church, anyone who listened to Don Brash, and anyone who voted for Bush.
2003: AuSM’s, Tom’s, mine, assorted other people.

14. Where did most of your money go?
2008: To booze, to double-rent and leave without pay, and the trip to Samoa.
2007: To Torrid and into my stomach, in booze or food, and also on parking tickets for not having a warrant or rego and daring to park outside my house.
2006: My trip to the States, the shopping I did there, internet shopping nwo I finally have a credit card, and also on booze and food.
2005: drinking with workmates & buying people drinks despite my new year’s resolution. Not to mention two holidays to pacific islands, and filling up and keeping our liquor cabinet full. Oh, and having a three bedroom house between two of us is not cheap either.
2004: On paying off my laptop, to various places in Auckland and on food and liquor. Plus I buy Sebastian the expensive kind of cat biscuits quite often.
2003: To Andre at the liquor shop

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
2008: The internet, both for work and also for the Wellingtonista and Pretty Pretty Pretty, and also MY TIKI SHACK! And the Arcade Fire were every bit as good as I expected them to be. And also KAT AND KANE GOT MARRIED!
2007: The ARCADE FIRE ARE COMING TO THE BIG DAY OUT! Blam Blam Blam played our awards! During my six weeks at SPAC I got complimented every day! I have friends who like me!
2006: Rockstar Supernova & TWOP, going to America, working for an agency of good now, Country Club and the Wellingtonista awards.
2005: Rockstar INXS and America’s Next Top Model. Also, my couches, my holidays, and the assorted people that I’m stalked.
2004: NZ and Aussie Idol.
Holidays in Auckland.
Dancing at Atomic.
2003: The parties we threw, and the final of Buffy.

16. What song will always remind you of 2006?
2008: ‘Sex on Fire’ by the Kings of Leon. I wore myself out wanking to it, it was so hot, and I played it on my ipod to far too many people in bars. It’s dripping and sweaty and hot.
2007: ‘Sunday’ by Bloc Party, because I want it played at my wedding, and because I had to cancel my trip to see them. Also ‘Listen Up’ by the Gossip because their gig was so fucking rad, and because she’s like, a lesbian and shit (OMG!), and because this year I’ve put more of an emphasis on being a good feminist.
2006: ‘Rebellion (lies)’ and ‘Y Control’ because they both make my pulse race, are awesome for gyming to, and because I went to Auckland to see the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Also ‘Sexy/back’ for the time spent with Olivia in San Fran making jokes about it, all of Birds, and anything by Sigur Ros for the brief crush I had early in the year.
2005: ‘Rocket Queen’ by Guns’n Roses. Man I listened to Appetite for Destruction soooooooo many times this year.
2004: That one song on that one album by that one guy that I still refuse to give up on thinking may be about me.
2003: No one song

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Sadder? Maybe? About the same?2007: Happier
2006: sadder. Boo. 2005: Apart from the Oma stress, so much happier. 2004: Much much much happier. 2003: Much much much sadder.
ii. smaller or larger? 2008: Larger. 2007: Larger. Oh well. 2006: Actually, and I think this is the first time I have EVER got to say this, but I think I may actually be SMALLER. Not by a whole lot, but still, holy fucking shit! 2005: Fatter. But working on it. 2004: Fatter.2003: Fatter
iii. richer or poorer? 2008: Poorer. 2007: Despite substantial payrises, poorer. And moving won’t help with that either! 2006: A fuckload richer. But not by my own effort really, apart from changing to a better paying job (I am now earning 22k more than I was at the start of 2003). 2005: I get paid a lot more now than I did in 2004, and yet I am poorer. 2004: Richer. 2003: Poorer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
2008: Exercising
2007: Boxing, swimming and writing.
2006: Dancing. And more boxing! I love boxing. And meeting new people for possible pashage. Heh.
2005: PASHING! Also, yoga. And maybe that I’d started going to the gym earlier.
2004:Selling, socialising, writing.
2003: Exercise, job hunting.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
2008: Obsessing over things, crying over things and spending too much time online not working.
2007: Thinking that I was a bad, untalented person, when I’m actually really not.
2006: Drinking, eating and thinking that no one likes me.
2005: Wanking. Ouch wrist pain. Also: reading stupid fucking websites that I hate and yet cannot stop reading.
2004: Playing stupid online games and wasting time on the Interweb.
2003: Crying.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
2008: We were at Bamji’s, eating far too much.
2007: At my parents’ house, eating too much cheese and playing fun games.
2006: Awesomely! With a many-coursed dinner at my gorgeous house.
2005: well, maybe my aunt will show up and start bitching and Anji will start sulking. Just maybe.
2004: The family came to my house.
2003: Spent it watching ROTK and with KateB’s family.

21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
2008: the phantom fax caller at work. And Kat in Tauranga
2007: I didn’t make many phonecalls at all, actually.
2006: vodafone, trying to top up my prepay by credit card. I can only rmemeber two real conversations on the phone this year, one with KateB when I was drunk and lonely, and the other with Shirley. I miss phone conversations.
2005: I don’t think I spent very much time on the phone with anyone at all. In fact, only Karen and my Mum have my home phone number. Actually, that’s not true at all, Lisa rang me on it today and I was like “Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh?”
2004: I think it’s very telling that there’s a tollbar on the phone here and I’ve never bothered to get a pin for it. Having said that, Heather is good at calling. Also I spent waaaaaaaaaay more time on the phone than I’d like to have beening abused by a particular client.
2003: Before Easter, Tom. After that – hardly anyone.

22. Did you fall in love in 2007?
2008: Not that you’d know about.
2007: Um. There have definitely been some misplaced feelings. But mostly I decided that 2007 was the year for inappropriate crushes, and I’ve been really good at that!
2006: Ummm, that might be a tiny bit of a strong word for it, but there has definitely been a rahter long infatuation. And some other shortlived “you are crazy and leaving the country very shortly but i’d like to pash again” crushes and something that I briefly thought was reciprocated but I was waaaay too passive-aggressive about and was possibly wrong about anyway. Nevermind.
2005: No. But I did enjoy the independence. I had some crushes though. That was nice.
2004: I had an opportunity to reaffirm that I was still in love with the boy from last year.
2003: Sort of.

23. How many one-night stands?
2008: One, a speaker from Webstock. Hotel room of awesome! There were some other pashes and stuff, but they’re all people I’m friends with, apart from the girl at Kowhai’s party, whoever she was. I had thought that there was going to be a question about who was the best kiss, but I must be thinking of another meme. For the record though it was you, it probably was.
2007: Three-ish. There was the Ginge in February, a very nice boy in May that I am still friends with, which is awesome and there’s almost no weirdness there at all except for the time that I made another pass at him at the end of June, there was the girl on my birthday who I jerked around by going to bed with another time after giving her a big “I’m not right for you” speech. And a couple of pashes in there as well – one was very very blurry but was with a boy who has a fiance (I’m pretty sure we pashed, I remember his hand on my waist and I was like “that’s a really weird place for a hand, it’s a very possessive touch), and one was the boy who came in his pants at second base. Which is very flattering of course, but also hilarious.
2006: None. The one boy I pashed wouldn’t even count as a one kiss stand on the grounds of a couple of instances of gropeage afterwards.
2005: Once more with feeling: I DIDN’T HAVE A SINGLE PASH THIS YEAR. I sort of aaaaaaaaaaalmost have a one-night stand, but the boy chose to stay in a strip club instead and then claimed his phone battery went flat. His loss. Only weirdos hit on me this year.
2004: I went to bed with two boys this year but didn’t have sex with either of them. I’d actually been to bed with both of them the year before anyways. One has no place in my life anymore because I don’t need him and he’s not actually good for me, and the other I don’t have contact with simply because he’s in another city and he put a drill through his cellphone on purpose. I’m sure we’d hang out again in the future just as friends though.
2003: Ummm. Only one person that I had sex with this year was someone I’d met for the first time that day and didn’t contact again.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
2008: Rock of Love, Carnivale, Weeds, It’s Always Sunny in Philidelphia and Nevermind the Buzzcocks.
2007: Deadwood, you cocksucker! Also, I got very excited about the first season of Heroes, and also season three of Veronica. It was rad showing Lisa Twin Peaks, and I burn through 90210 like noone’s business. But ironically, of course.
2006: VERONICA MARS! And Rockstar. And Family Guy. There’s nothing else on that’s really compulsory viewing.
2005: Rockstar INXS. Firefly. America’s Next Top Model. It may have been Veronica Mars if I’d ever been home on Fridays to see it. Also: Extreme Home Makeover – I am not ashamed of crying every monday at 8.17pm.
2004: Gilmore Girls, EML, Australian Idol. I am not ashamed.
2003: Buffy (duh), WW, Pasedena, Footballers’ Wives, Queer Eye

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
2008: Hate is such a waste of time.
2007: There are some people that I turn my nose up about, and would rather not see, but seriously, nah, it’s not worth it.
2006: No rational hatred. I have a bunch of people that I’ve decided are my arch nemisisisis, but if I’m honest I don’t even go to the same gym as Vagina Woman anymore, so that basically leaves just a handful of people I’ve decided to dislike for no reason.
2005: No. I alread hated (and when I say ‘hate’, I don’t really mean it) my incredibly generic looking arch nemisis from this year last year. Don’t you just hate it when you see someone you think you hate but it’s actually just some random other blonde pony tailed glassons clone?
2004: Well I didn’t know them this time last year, and I don’t really hate them, just wouldn’t mind getting in a free couple of free punches.
2003: I’m on celepram, hate’s far too strong an emotion for that.

26. What was the best book you read?
2008: I really digged on books by the Sedarises, and the Guns’n Roses biography, but I can’t think of any great pieces of literature I read.
2007: I really liked ‘The Julie/Julia Project’, and ummm, hmmm, there was some book that I didn’t want to end, and I don’t think it was Harry Potter or a rockstar biog. I wish I could remember what it was. OH! The new Douglas Coupland, totally back on form. I can’t remember its name though, and I’m not sure if it’s out yet…
2006: ‘The Timetraveler’s Wife’
2005: ‘The Dirt’!!!!!!!! Or wait, did I read that last year? I get confused. Rockstar biographies in general, I suppose.
2004: ‘The Pirates! And the Adventure with the Scientests’ and ‘House of Leaves’.
2003: ‘Oryx and Crake’

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
2008: I really started liking the Kings of Leon after they shaved off their stupid facial hair, but I don’t think there were any _new_ bands as such this year, just old ones with new songs.
2007: The Gossip, who I have already talked about, and Bloc Party, who I didn’t discover as such this year, but ‘A Weekend In the City’ is my album of the year. Along with ‘Neon Bible’, of course.
2006: The Arcade Fire. Yeah I know they’re old. And also: buying vinyl. And currently I am <3 <3 <3 for the Twilight Singers and am mad as hell that they're only playing in Auckland and it's the week before the Big Day Out.
2005: 'Appetite for Destruction' again. Also, the good tracks from 'Hot Fuss' and 'Absolution' annnnnnnnnnnnnd ummm other music from the server at work.
2004: Many frequent live gigs.
2003: Tom McRae. I love him so.

28. What did you want and get?
2008: Wifi. My tiki shack. Laid. A really solid group of friends. Fame and noteriety on the internets. To go to Webstock. To launch the blog at work.
2007: A new job that challenges me. Cool flatmates. Pretty house things. To get laid. Solid friendships and popularity. TO build my reputation as a hostess.
2006: A new job. Cool flatmates (although fuck I miss Bart. Sigh). To go to America. Artwork and a hard drive DVD player.
2005: A well-paying job with people that I like. A nice flat. Grown-up couches.
2004: A job. A laptop. An iPod. A nice flat. Published writing.
2003: Editorship of the magazine – even if it was only for two and a half issues

29. What did you want and not get?
2008: A wii. Mental health.
2007. A relationship. And a book deal. But I didn’t go for it. Yet. So that’s my bad.
2006: Sexing. To be like hardcore fit by now. But that’s my own fault so I shouldn’t say it all passive-like. To be happy with myself always.
2005: A PASH! A relationship.
2004: Love. Orgasms not by my own hand. A creative job.
2003: Permanent editorship and a steady job.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
2008: I didn’t go to that many films, as per usual. The Dark Knight? Is that too boring?
2007: Ummmmmmmmm I’m terrible at seeing films when they’re current, so I don’t know what came out when. Did ‘Hot Fuzz’ come out this year?
2006: Hmmm. ‘The Prestige’ maybe? Or umm ‘The Departed’. I didn’t see that many films.
2005: ‘Serenity’.
2004: ‘GARDEN STATE!’ Holy fuck yes. Also ‘In My Father’s Den’.
2003: ‘ROTK’, ‘Secretary’

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?>
2008: On my actual birthday when I turned 28, I worked, we went to Caffe Italiano for dinner, and then to Quiz. For my party, we went to Longxiang and then to Taste of Korea for very very drunken karaoke.
2007: On my actual birthday, I woke up entangled with another girl, and Anji came over and brought us coffee, and we went to get brunch and then cleaned up Karen’s house from my Rockstars & Rocktails awesome cocktail party the night before. SO MUCH FUN! And family dinner at umm some place in Thorndon was good too.
2006: I had drinks the night before I turned 26 in which Bart saved the day by playing wingman and distracting an annoying girl, and Shiny grabbed my boobs and made me laugh. Then on the day I had a lovely brunch with my family at Capitol, then had dinner with friends at Cafe Istanbul and then had drinks and saw the Real Hot Bitches dance for the first time.
2005: I turned 25. On my birthday, I was kind of sick from infected mosquito bites, and there was a lump that was growing on my labia. My daddy took me out to lunch at Monsoon Poon, and then we had a dress-up party at work that night at Paradiso. I wore my new stripey pyjamas. The next day I was supposed to have my birthday party, but instead I spent it at the A&E, having my mossie bites scraped open, being shot full of antibiotics and with two South African ladies squeezing my vagina.

2003: I was 23, and I worked, drank up a bar tab adn then went to Canton for dinner with 12 friends. It was wonderful.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
2008: Mental health that would allow me to be productive at work.
2007: To not end it needing to find a new flat. And for my job to progress a little faster than it does.
2006: Not feeling so let down by so many people. And maybe that’s just a change I need to have in my own mind.
2005: A PASH. And umm, pretty much, that’s about it. Some love and affection, a few more friends to play with.
2004: Someone holding me. Please insert the starved for touch like a Romanian orphan simile here.
2003: Do I need to talk about the job thing again?

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
2008: What Would Joan Holloway Wear?
2007: Thanks Torrid! And thanks, black leggings – you make all my short skirts okay.
2006: All about the dresses. Which are regretably too short and must be worn over other skirts or pants. And also: <3 <3 <3 American clothing shops that realise that not all fat chicks are over 50.
2005: I'm finding my own style.Also, BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS.
2004: My discoball necklace was SHR Then until the paint chipped off it. Now it's all about the Pearl Necklaces. I am an accessory queen, especially if it is multicoloured and/or stripey.
2003: I.must.learn.to.accept.my.upper.arms. That and "YAY PINK".

34. What kept you sane?
2008: My psychiatrist, the lexapro, levithyroxine and zopiclone he prescribed, a very understanding workplace that allowed me to disappear from the face of the earth essentially, and the endless patience of my friends.
2007: Going back on celepram, going to a counsellor, identifying what my risk factors are and trying to avoid them. Also the ocean.
2006: St John’s Wort and going to the gym and/or regular bursts of cardio through dancing or other such things at home.
2005: I did. Also, Mum paying for my gym subscription helped.
2004: Sebastian. Heather. Being able to walk 150 steps to go and cry on Karen’s shoulder at work when I needed to.
2003: Sebastian. Andre. The people behind the scenes.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
2008: Simon Amstell
2007: Ummm, I dunno I kinda wanna marry the guy from the River Cottage and go and grow vegetables with him. And it was fun pretending to fancy Damian Christie and freaking out the other Wellingtonistas.
2006: Storm Large! Heh.
2005: Ummmmmmmm. I’m not sure. Jordis Unga? Possibly no one. Possibly the singer Lisa and I want to have bear cubs with. Definitely not Milan anymore.
2004: Zach Braff and the entire cast of the Whedonverse.
2003:Pretty much everyone.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
2008: Obamamania! And the losing fight to the right in NZ. And those motherfucking ALAC ads.
2007: Being a better feminist. And worrying about the election results for next year.
2006: Hopefully aid and development. And the mystery of why anyone in the world would want to have sex with Don Brash. And also public transport and the importance of it.
2005: the General Election, and the scariness of how the fuck can people actually vote Right?
2004: CIVIL UNIONS BILL. Also: the American Election.
2003: Prostitution Reform Bill.

37. Who did you miss?
2008: Kat’n Kane being in Tauranga instead of being here.
2007: I want to hang out with KateH more. And Bart.
2006: EM who was long gone until that two letter reemergence which was a big case of what-the-fuck without closure. Heather who I don’t get to talk to as much anymore. My old workmates when I was still at CWA and they weren’t. Thinking that I had a crush with potential.
2005: Ummmm. No one person really stands out so much. I kind of like the independence of that. But someone to pash, for sure.
2004: Olivia. Auck people. New episodes of Buffy. BenIV.
2003: Tom. Still. Always. BenIV. Me.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
2008: I already knew her, but I got to know Amy a lot better this year through PPP which is rad.
2007: Lani and Kat & Kane. Hurray for flatmates!
2006: Ash! Although I met her last year. And Fia. Oh, and most importanly for my daily life, Smoo and Bart.
2005: Lisa Fur. My workmates.
2004: Jessie. Wow, this is getting written all over the Internet. Also, Katy Troop again.
2003: Iva! Assorted NZm, LJ people and also Jo Again.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007:
2008: Paperwork always needs to get done at some stage.
2007: You’re NEVER going to have everything perfect at once in all areas of your life, so don’t try to.
2006: Always carry a map with you if you plan on going out drinking in Brooklyn. And also if you build it, they might not necessarily come.
[2005: I will survive. Also: exercise CAN be fun. Crazy.
2004: George Foreman grills rock the kitchen.
2003: I am not my employment status. No really. Also: learn when it’s best to cut your losses as soon as possible.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
2008: “We talked about it all night long / we defined our moral ground / but when I crawl into your arms / everything comes tumbling down”
2007: “I love you in the morning, when you’re still hungover / I love you in the morning, when you’re still strung out”. I need to find someone to sing that to me.
2006: “If I loved you endlessly, how could it be wrong? Where did we go wrong?”
2005: “I stayed at this masquerade and had another drink / I was hoping to bring sin to my sheets”
2004: “And nothing else matters when they turn it up LOUD”
2003: “I’d rather be drunk with myself now
Than alone in a crowd”

Today is my birthday. My family have been awesome, as have my usual Tuesday crew (including the Quiz Master, who smells delicious, but could use some hand cream). My birthday party on Saturday night was an awful lot of fun too.

On my birthday last year I woke up in bed with a nice girl, and then Anji showed up and brought us coffee, we all went to brunch and then cleaned Karen’s apartment. The year before that, I was fucking relieved not to be having vagina surgery, and was possibly still really stoked to have been felt up by a boy who was one the best pashes evah the night before, we went to Cafe Istanbul for dinner and I saw the Real Hot Bitches for the first time ever. And I think that last link does a good job of summing up other years, but I will point out that on the day I turned 20 I dumped my boyfriend (ala, the ASSCUNT of twitter from the previous entry) because he wouldn’t make an effort to see me, and ten years ago, I had a really sucky 18th birthday in which people I cared about said nasty things about me because I drank and (shock horror!) smoked pot (one of those three people is now one of my best friends, one of them does far too many drugs now, and the other is in Australia) and it turns out that another one was sleeping with the guy I fancied at the time. Etc. So today’s not really being able to sleep until after 6am and all the voices in my head speaking in Scottish accents ala Anna from This Life, then workshops, dinner at Caffe Italiano and Quiz Night is really not that stand-out-y.

Has it become apparent to you via this post that birthdays are actually very important to me? I hope it has, because I’m living in a flat who fail to notice that,and it’s weird. Actually, this is the third birthday in a row tat I’ve had in which one of them will fail to pay it any attention. Oh, but, on a non-flatmate note, I haven’t had a birthday cake of my own on my actual birthday since I was 17 – until this year, when Anji and Bambi bought over a beautiful delicious cake for me with champagne bottle corks. I’ll put in photos at some stage. And also creepy video of karaoke. Karaoke was SO fucking awesome, it was such a good night, I love me some friends, and also Yvonne at Longxiang who dealt with me having 18 friends at dinner and that not even being close to all of them. I’m not always entirely sure why anyone likes me sometimes, but at dinner I totally got it and it was lovely.

Also random blah blah. Something about sex. Oh yes, the twitters on Saturday night. I’ll tell you, I am SO fucking horny right now. Like, there’s the usual depression thing of wanting to lose yourself under someone, having them thrust aside all thoughts in your brain even for a couple of minutes, the validation of having someone wrapped around you, and then there’s pre-period hormones, in which everything is a turn-on (see above quizmaster love from tonight, although of course that’s not a new thing because of course I fancy the rare people who appear to be smarter than I) and oh man oh man oh man sometimes all you can think about is getting a pounding.

Then there’s the decision that if 27 was the year of debauchery, which it hardly was, then maybe I wil make an attempt to make 28 year of health (starting tomorrow of course). Even my taxi driver tonight asked me if I suffered from Anxiety, which holy fuck yes I do. I should defend myself in saying that he asked because he had it, not because I appeared totally buttfuck crazy, honest. Anyways. Full circle. I hide in bed to avoid the world (read: flatmates going “oh, not at work today?) then hate onthe world (read: flatmates) for not doing anything for my birthday. Yes, that’s right, you can’t win with me at all, anyone. Haven’t I made that clear already? I should I suppose clarify here: I fucking miss Kat’n Kane, and Bopha and Brad, and Kateb and Clayton and Simon like, so much. I am deeply deeply nostalgic for flats of yesteryear when they were more than just a collection of individuals under one roof.

Except, you know, if you give me a good fucking right now. And that won’t happen because I am far too anxious. Joy! Yes, cycle, yes, I will get out of it. Man, I am looking forward to sleeping tonight.

Oh, and finally, have i mentioned lately that I think Sebastian is gay? There’s always bitemarks on the back of his neck. I wonder if the gay cat world has bears, because he is big and hairy. But he is also poised and handsome and constantly grooming. But the cats he talks to during the day look like twinks to me. I reckon that’s why he kept trying to do Sammy when we lived with Iva, even though Sammy was actually (sort of) female. Ahhh cat sex, that’s a good note to end on, right?

The idea that I will push you away from me long before you will even have a chance to start to dislike and then reject me is not a new one. I remember way back in the olden days, like ’02/03, talking to (Good)*Tom who assured me that there was nothing I could ever do that would ever make him move away from me. I asked if sleeping with his brother would do the trick, and he said it wouldn’t. Maybe I should have said his sister. Hi Mary. Heh.

Anyways, my narrative thread, my reason for getting out of my nice warm bed to go and find my computer (my new eeePC, so so so cute) wasn’t to talk about Tom at all. I think my thread was supposed to start with how I was texting Tingle “If you want to make your life less complicated, stop replying to drunkass random dumbasses who aren’t your girlfriend” and perhaps try to explain about how we (you and I, my dear reader) got to this stage in my storytelling, but I’m not entirely convinced that it will work out that way. So perhaps I could make a bulleted list of what’s what?

* There is Good Tom because his last name starts with a G, and Bad Tom whose name starts with a B, but as to whether or not their names are deserved, I am constantly divided.

Bullet point lists make the world go around, right?

• The everscrumptious Miss Heather has switched over my site design for me, so bear with me while the kinks are ironed out. My semi-secret RSS feed seems to have temporarily vanished, and of course Twitter is blocked at work, so I’m not sure if that’s feeding in properly, but now at least if you run my site through a validator (don’t!) you should only get four or so errors and not sixty like the old one. Goodbye to the hump though, sadly.
• If you receive a text message from me that sounds a little strange, it’s because I no longer have an ’8′ key on my phone, so therefore I have no ‘t’, ‘u’ or ‘v’. It makes things like giving directions to Superfino read “On Ghznee s, opposie Bdg Cars, by Bicoria S”. That makes perfect sense, right? Also, do make your way to Superfino, please. We spent a very pleasant Friday night there. I recommend the Pear & Vanilla Punch especially, but not reaaaaally the Blood-Orange and Cinnamon Martini.
  

• We’ve taken to going to the Quiz at the Southern Cross on Tuesday nights. By “we” I mean sometimes some Wellingtonistas, and sometimes my sisters & Bambi. I am, just for a change, in love with the Quizmaster. You know how I fancy people who know more things about something than I do (music, depression, computers or – in the olden days – drugs), that rule of course applies to someone who has the answer sheet on quizes.
• Before you come up to the Cross for the quiz, I’d like to recommend Le Metropolitain for dinner, and I’d say that even if I hadn’t been called “Madame Jo” on the phone in a hot French accent that I discovered was attached to a hot French waiter. He brought me the wine list when I was waiting by myself instead of making me wait, and was efficient, friendly and good. Everyone’s favourite public servant blogger might not approve of their cassolet, but damn my cow face (read: beef cheeks) were tasty, and since Bambi ordered snails I got to try them for the first time. They tasted like mushrooms, while the mushrooms that they were served with tasted like garlic and cream.
  
• You might have gathered due to the increase in the number of photos that I’m displaying that I’ve taken to carrying my new camera with me everywhere. That’s because the batteries don’t fall out, and it’s got a 1 gig card in it. And I like taking photos, of course. I’ve started to take a series of portraits of people with ‘my eyes’:
  

  

  

• I’ve been watching Season One of Veronica Mars with my lovely new flatmate Kat. She guessed who the killer was correctly, which I didn’t manage to do the first time I watched it. She’s a smart one, that girl. I love watching shows with big reveals that I know are coming up with others, although her little shriek when the killer was in the back seat was nothing compared to Lisa on finding out who killed Laura Palmer. Kat’s fiance Kane is a pro-wrestler! How awesome is that? It means he has no fear of cavorting around in tights, which he demonstrated in his costume as a ballet dancer at Country Club: Back in the USSR on Saturday night.
• I haven’t downloaded my photos from Back in the USSR, but once I do, you’ll be able to see a steady progression from tipsy into disturbingly intoxicated, despite all the food – I made pierogi, and potatoes, and sausages, and Frances and Karen both brought blini, and there was caviar as well, and chips, and really disgusting solid rye bread, and kisial – which was of course vodka jelly, and Moscow Mules, and by the end of the night there was white rum as well. Some people had splendid costumes – Anji brought along a bear so I had to hump him. I also gave lap dance versions of the panda dance to the boys who were complaining about the poor service at Dream Girls that they’d got the night before. My heart bleeds for them. The party was lots and lots of fun, and I was stoked with the turn out. I gave someone a big long speech about how I am not what they need, and how they really shouldn’t fancy me. I thought it was a pretty convincing speech, and it was the right thing for me to do, so I was a little disturbed when I woke up next to the speech recipient. I would be later more disturbed to discover that somehow a glass of water had managed to get knocked into my underwear drawer, leaving me with moist panties everywhere. It was a much nicer discovery, when I finally got up at 6pm on Sunday though, to find that the whole house had been cleaned. WOO! And then last night over flat dinner I heard that people had been spraying my new Cinderella Coconut Bathroom Cleaner into their mouths as it is billed as being so very non toxic. Disturbing!

Once again, I have been unfathomably busy. I know I start every journal entry like this lately, but hey, you get what you pay for, right?

When I left you last, I’d just been to Bar Camp, which was an unconference. Accordingly, I went to a conference on Wednesday at the Stadium. The catering was very average, it was cold in the room, and I was the only person wearing Threadless. Everyone else was in suits. The contrast was very striking. So was the view, as we were up in a corporate box.

I stayed for a couple of networking drinks, and explained myspace and blogging to some people – another contrast to Bar Camp – wow, it’s almost like I should set up a work blog to discuss all these themes – and then hustled my way down the incredibly long Fran Wilde walk to buy $7 worth of cashews (whoops) and be picked up by the faithful Miss Fur who already had her on firmly her jones for Julia and Sam to duet on ‘Good Woman’ at the Cook Strait Social Club. We had drinks and cashews at her house, met up with Karen and then headed down to Mighty Mighty. Handily, Hannah, Anji & her gentleman caller Bambi had already set up camp right near the stage, so we had the best seats in the house, or at least I did, after I stole Hannah’s armchair. We got talking to a lovely American girl named Ingrid, who asked Lisa about gig ettiquite in Wellington.

It turned out it was a particularly awesome intimate gig when Julia came down from the stage to apologise for not learning ‘Good Woman’, and Sam took yelled-out requests (playing ‘Going Fishing’ when that’s Luke’s song, although of course, Sam’s now officially my favourite after that whole bear suit debarcle) and laughed at us when we said “that’s not soon enough!” for an announced October 7 release date for the new Phoenix Foundation album. Emily’s mother talked to me in the bathroom, and I even got up and danced for the last song, which was The Warratahs’ ‘Hands of my heart’. I felt like it was 1989 all over again. All in all, a most excellent excellent night.

On Thursday I made dhal and then got the cleaning bug late at night and I ended up finding about five bags of rotton potatoes, some of which had liquified in the kitchen. Yum! Good smell! But at least it was all cleaned up for the impending arrival of the new flatmates. And of course being virtuous on Thursday meant that I could go out on Friday, so out I went.

I met up with Shirley at Tupelo, and we drank what was apparently their last bottle of red wine, and then had to switch to white. The double Ds came along and were happy that Mary-Kate and Ashley were there too, and eventually we were joined by Bart, before we beat a path to Scopa for pizza.

After that, we followed Bart up to the Mac’s Brewery Bar, which was about to shut (at midnight, what the hell?), and this story happened:

Shame
So tonight Dyl Dave and I go with Bart to the Mac’s Brewery for some goodbye drinks one of Bart’s friends is having. As soon as I get there, some tall boy bounds up to me. “Hi Jo, how’s it going?” I’m all “……… Hi! I haven’t seen you in ages, how are you?” He says he’s good and asks me how I am, so I exchange pleasantries. Then I’m like “So, I haven’t seen you in ages. When is the last time we saw each other again?” and he’s like “a couple of weeks ago at that bar..” and I’m like fuck, is he playing the same game I’m playing? but I suggest the Cross and he says Tupelo, and I smile and nod until he asks me where Bart is and moves off. Later, I talk to Bart, and I’m like “Okay, so who the hell is that guy I was talking to before and why the hell does he know me?”
Bart was all “That’s that guy. You know. That guy”. And I’m like “huuuuuuuuuuuuuh?” and Bart’s like”from my party” and I’m like omg really? I made out with that guy and he came in his pants as he dry-humped me? (Or not so dry). And so I stare at him from across the room and go “damn. he’s really hot. Did I really score him? Really? Because I remembered him being pretty much a loser but maybe I was stereotyping based on the Hawaiian shirt. And I tell Dyl, cos apparently that guy had Dyl’s tshirt, but then we have a disagreement about which guy at the bar we’re talking about, and Dyl’s like “No, it wasn’t that guy, it was that guy!!!!” pointing elsewhere and I’m like fuck, dammit, there goes my thinking that I’d actually score someone hot.

On Saturday morning, I got up at 10 to help Kat & Kane move in, and there was a lot of sitting in the sun talking about wrestling. Karen and Hannah and Anji came over for beers and snacks in the sun, and then I spent the evening doing pretty much nothing at all. Sunday was another blissful day like that, much time spent in bed with Q, putting up new posters and putting away washing. Last night Lisa and her new flatmate came over for dinner. I made my crackling crackle for the first time! And promptly ate most of it before it made it to the dinner table. I blame Smoo for snarfling some whilst carving. Kat brought home organic veges which were very tasty, and naturally we only managed about 15 minutes of dinner before the conversation got filthy. That Lisa, she’s just trouble. But oooh oooh, we set a date and a theme for the next party we’re having: Country Club: Back in the USSR. October 13. Be there!

Today I started my new job. I get the most awesome chair ever. It’s all posh and adjustable and sexy. Yeah that’s right, the chair was the most exciting part of my job, except for all the very interesting conversations that I had with people about interesting things and stuff that’s going to happen.

Of course in order to start my new job today, I had to finish my old job last week. I was sad to leave. They gave me a lovely card and a present and said so so so so many nice things about me. We had wine and gossiped and went to Siem Reap with the account manager of the design agency we use who I used to know when I worked at VUWSA for dinner and had more wine and more gossip, and then we went to Mighty Mighty for more wine, and I saw really random graffiti on the wall in the toilet that said “I don’t have any Heroes / they are all useless” on the wall and thought “hey, that handwriting looks familiar” but I wasn’t sure because of the lack of punctuation, and also just the plain randomness of it, so I wrote the phrase on a piece of paper and got others to confirm for me that yes, unfortunately that was my handwriting. D’oh! Don’t remember that at all. Maybe it was post Great Blend.

Anyways, it was a super fun night and a lovely way to end six of the best working weeks of my life. It was – as I said to them – just like a beautiful summer romance. But getting up early on Saturday morning to go to Zinefest wasn’t so fun. My new dress arrived that morning, and I decided to wear it, which wasn’t the best decision I’ve ever made – after I set up my zine table, I went and had breakfast in Doria, then was using the church bathroom when I looked down and was like “JESUS CHRIST!” at the amount of cleavage I was showing, and I was like “oops, sorry!” looking up. And so I put my hoodie back on for most of the rest of the day. Zinefest was kind of fun, talking to new people, but I was so tired that I wasn’t very talkative. And it was strange watching people reading my zines right in front of me. Because I primarily do my dirty-talking to strangers via the interwebs, I’m not used to seeing their faces when they read it. This was much more immediate. But it was nice to see people giving me their hard-earned money, and people asking me where I stock. And now you can read my zines in the Wellington Public Library collection, if you’re that way inclined!

Then I went home for naps, and to tidy up the house, before going to pick up Lisa and Jay and Jasmine who’d already been drinking. We made the house all purty with lights, and the party began. Highlights included the tasty Martina from Auckland showing up, meeting Other Lisa’s very tall boyfriend, having a cute Dutch boy compliment my boobs a lot and then grab them a lot – and then a little while later he fell asleep on Lisa’s shoulder when we took him outside for fresh air. A Scottish brother and sister sang the national anthem together – loudly and a couple of times. Dylan told me he loved me when I “licked my own nipple”. I use quotation marks, because to tell you the truth, and all secretly now, I didn’t actually. You know that Ashley’s tip is waaaaaaaaaaay low down, and I would have had to haul myself out of the halter in order to properly do it (I can’t get close on Mary-Kate) so I settled for dipping my tongue inside my bra, and that satisfied the crowd.Lisa’s crowd sang loudly. The Scots brother broke a glass, the Scots sister broke a chair – admittedly I think it was the already broken chair. But they were hilarious and cute, so it’s okay. Everyone molested Sebastian, who responded by bringing in a live mouse that I had to take outside. I got to meet Anji’s new gentleman caller, Bambi, and Lisa squealed and jumped up and down in glee when I gave her the cake I made:

I also gave her Liam Finn’s I am Lightning but since she already had it, I offered her up my brand new Appetite for Destruction – which she gave me back in the morning saying she couldn’t take it from me. So after we’d cleaned up the house and got pizza from the Med Warehouse, we went to Real Greedy and found her CSS, and I bought The Gossip for myself, woo. And I have my ticket to their gig, so hurrah!

Okay, earlyish night for me tonight, new jobs are exhausting. So much paperwork!