Tag: boys boys boys boys boys


The music sounds better with you

September 13th, 2009 — 2:29am

I really have been having the most excellent week, and it’s kind of making me go “how did I get to be so lucky?” I love the post period period. Period. Lols.

On Wednesday night, I built myself a new site, based on an old zine of mine called You Are So Entertaining. Dot Com.It’s a party/recipe/stuff site, and I hope you like it. It will continue to grow. I could build another site based on my other zine, but really, this site is pretty much BOYS BOYS BOYS BOYS BOYS and 101 Stories That I Want To Tell You anyways. And I don’t get to tell You & Me in the Last Days of Bush ever anyway.

On Thursday I headed out to see Martha at Wanda Harland and plan the opening of her new shop. You can read more about the planning on You’re So Entertaining, in fact.

Then I headed home to prepare Miss Fur’s birthday dinner. We had papas garbanzo, and Karen made PANDA CAKE (based on this bread) and Megan made raspberry umm cobblers, and Shirley just sat and looked pretty. Even though it was her birthday, I still beat Lisa at some singstar songs. Go me!

Yesterday I did some serious work on a comms plan for my old workmate Ros, faffed around with stockings and got dressed up, and then Miss Emma picked me up. I spooged coconut cream all over her house and we had cocktails. Simon did his sexy dance for Lisa, and went to spank me which I found rather awesome, except for the whole being someone’s husband thing. We had tremendous fun and I didn’t even have to use a coaster.

Today I woke up with a hangover and a big pile of compliments (god i ADORE Fatshionista so much! I’m having trouble keeping my clothes on these days). I had trouble starting my car because of the rain, which served me right for asking how many Brents it took to change a lightbulb because he was struggling to fix his headlights, but when I got to Hadyn & Amy’s there was coffee and pastries waiting for me, and it was almost like being in Vanuatu again, only with better coffee and less tropical fruit. Amy and I discussed secret PPP business (we’re coming close to 1000 comments and so the 1000th person will be getting an awesome prize. Also, we’re having another girlie party, possibly on Oct 17ish), and then she cut my hair. Hurray!

After that, she told me many things about her vacuum cleaner, such as how it has a motor in the head as well, that it can stand up by itself without needing to lean on anything, and that she can push it with just one finger. I was entralled. I know I am supposed to say that Beatles Rockband was much more awesome, but really, who doesn’t like a good suck?

Beatles Rockband was fantastic though. I like that there can be harmonising. I also loved singing ‘Here comes the sun’ because of the aforementioned happiness, and how it feels like the ice is finally melting and all. They bought me fish’n chips and I had a very long conversation with Amy about my uncomfortableness with any lack of financial independence, but she said that I give back with generousity. And I did a panda dance for her.

Then! I went out to Newlands to pick up Lisa and also got Shirley and we went to the James Cabaret to see HEAD LIKE A HOLE. Oh my, they were so very awesome after Luger Boa finally got the fuck off the stage. The crowd was all old school, and there were people stagediving, and the bass was all rumbling and my skirt was vibrating, and they played all the songs that i love, and they had a hot girl come out and play the trumpet, and oh, it was just the most giggy gig I’ve been to in a very long time. Love.

And yes, because of all the good feelings that I’ve been having lately, I’ve resolved to try and go a week without saying anything nasty about people I know. I can do this, right? After all, the things I hate the most in other people are the traits that I’m worried that I myself exhibit. And honestly, all this snarking that I do is partly because I’m trying to impress Megan and Emma since they’re both fairly new friends to me, but putting other people down doesn’t really make me happier (although it can be entertaining!) so I might make a conscious effort to stop, for a week, and see how I feel about that. Of course, this only applies to people I know. #TV3news is still very much an open target.

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One blue line

August 19th, 2007 — 9:33am

Things that I have been up to lately:

  • Yesterday I had a stall at Craft 2.0 at the NewDowse and I had a fantastic time. I sold my mother’s pottery, my sugar scrub and zines BOYS BOYS BOYS BOYS BOYS, 101 Stories that I want to tell you and You’re SO entertaining, my brand-spanking-new zine that’s a guide to cooking and hosting any and every social occasion. I don’t think I talked about genitals even once in the whole 36 pages, so it’s a real step forward for me. My half-table was next to the lovely Miss Kimberley, and opposite the gorgeous Sue, the fabulous Martha and the dapper Mr Tibby, so it was good people all around, especially since fellow Wellingtonistas Alan and Mike came by. I sold over $200 of Mum’s stuff, which means that my comission on that plus the few zines I sold and the couple of tubs of sugar scrub meant I made $100 for myself. Nice work. Of course I was in it more for the experience than the money. It was strange to think that total strangers would pay money for my written words and I felt the need to give things away for free instead.

  • I lost my camera at the Buena Vista Social Club bar last week on a particularly amusing night out with D&D and Lisa, which sucks cos it means I lost photos of Dave trying to lick his own nipples. Oh, and of course it means that I don’t have a camera anymore. If you have one you don’t want, please feel free to donate it to the cause.

  • Speaking of causes, today in the much amount of time I spent in bed I finally got around to reading Bitch magazine and so I signed up for a subscription. I need to make sure that I happily call myself a feminist even if I don’t know all the names and all the theories. I still believe in equality and leveling the playing field, and making the lives of other women better. I found myself crying while reading a piece about striving for perfection and being much harder on yourself than you’d be on anyone else. And on that note I must go find my meds because I don’t know if I took them yesterday and that’s really not helping matters.

  • I have been feeling funny lately. Not funny ha ha, but funny like fucked up. And this is really fucking stupid. I should explain about my work situation right now because I’m aware that I’ve been really busy lately so some of you might not know what’s going on. My work situation right now is awesome. Those aren’t ironic italic tags either. I’ve got two weeks left on a six week contract as a web advisor, and they love me. They really love me, and they want me to stay, and they’re constantly giving me so much good feedback that when I said to my manager that it was freaking me out I was only half-joking – which I hope is more of a reflection on my previous work-places rather than my performance at other times. I would kind of like to take them up and stay, but instead, I have made the brave scary decision to go with the unknown, and move to another government department where I will be investigating new technologies and advising instead. For my job interview for this role I did a ten minute presentation on how the government could use YouTube. I’m really really excited about it, but kind of terrified. I made very long pros and cons lists, even though some of the cons for my current role were really lame, like the fact that there are three Jos on my floor which means I’m always turning around to find people aren’t talking to me. The public servants of the Wellingtonista ultimately proved to be very very helpful in making my final decision, so woo woo to them.

  • I’m drifting off course here but while I’m talking about the Wellingtonista I’ll say that hurray, we won the Quiz League that I organised, and that everyone who actually bothered to show up seemed to have a really good time. The Wellingtonista certainly got a lot of gossip out of it. Tucked-in tshirts and sparkly eyes were key features of our email list conversations. And while Wednesday mornings afterwards weren’t the easiest mornings of the day, I was still able to go to work, which is another indication of how awesome my job right now is.

  • And this is the hard bit to write about, although it’s been running through my head nonstop for the past while so I might as well get it out. I am not feeling right lately. It’s like I’m premenstrual to the extreme, without the physical symptons – there are no glass boobs here. And my period is missing, I haven’t had one since May. On Thursday night after stuffing giftbags at Martha’s I went to New World and bought a pregnancy test. The older woman working the checkout gave me a look of silent judgement, because I was in a hoodie and pigtails, so obviously I was a young whore, and not a married responsible mother. But come on, lady, I was buying cat food as well, not wine! If I was going to have a baby, I’d say that was a good sign of responsibility. But it turns out I’m not going to have a baby, which is a relief, because I have done a lot of drinking since May, and I wouldn’t have the strength of character to deal with a child who had foetal alcohol syndrome. But still the PMS-crazy persists, and I’m starting to crack under pressure. I’m hating on everyone, because I feel like pretty much everyone is letting me down. People fail to realise what’s important to me, and fail to see that the things I put effort into I put a lot of effort in to. Friends realising that they can hang out with my other friends without me in the middle and shutting me out of the loop entirely is my biggest fear. Lani’s moving out which means I’m looking for a new flatmate, and that destroys what I thought was me being in control of all aspects of my life at once, for the first time in ages, now that my career is on track. I’m worried that Smoo will move out too and that I’ll have to find all new flatmates, and we won’t gel and that life will get really difficult and I’ll be banished to my room sobbing into my pretty new black & white cotton bed linen. Luckily my attractiveness as an employee means that I’ll be financially snug enough to pay the rent for a while should I have to, but I don’t want it to come to that. I’m just feeling really really alone and really abandoned by everyone, pretty much, and my way of responding to that is to shut down more and more and retreat into myself and get my hackles raised more and more and oh, it is a stupid shitty cycle which I know I can tone down with more exercise and less booze, but that takes so much more effort. Today I made myself get out of bed to go for a swim, and I had to do it step by step before I could pull back the duvet – “Sit up. Put your hair in a ponytail. Unzip your hoodie. Stand up. Reach into the drawer and pull out your swimsuit. Pull on the top. Take off your pants. Pull on the bottom. Pull on your pants. Put on your hoodie. Grab a towel. Grab a chicklit book. Grab a bag”. And of course “Drive back and grab your goggles”. The feel of water all over me was awesome, what I’d been looking for, and the cardio burst was good. Driving back I was like “yay, I’m fixed!” but it was shortlived and I crawled back into bed after my shower to sleep for the rest of the afternoon. I’m wondering if it’s the change in my meds that’s leading me to feel like this (my doctor left and the new doctor wrote me a script for oval pills, not round ones. I know one’s the generic and one’s not, but I don’t know which) but mostly I just will continue to hope and pray that I get my bleed soon, and sort out my life. Because seriously, this disgruntlement with everyone is not cool,a nd I’m just terrified that it’ll continue and bleh, evil bad cycle. Why would people care about me if all I really want to do is punch them? But that said, people who’ve really impressed me this weekend are Dyl and Dave who came out to Craft2.0 all the way in the Hutt and they’re not really craft people, so they did it for me and that makes me super happy.

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    In which I am cowardly

    August 7th, 2007 — 9:31am

    So this is the thing. It’s 11.37pm, on Tuesday August 7, 2007. I just got home from Wellingtonista Quiz League, on the last #2 bus, and while I listened to melancholy music the whole way home, that does not do enough to illustrate the terror I feel at holding an A5 envelope in my hand from Robyn. Yes, obviously, she has replied to my calls for someone to send me a copy of BOYS BOYS BOYS BOYS BOYS which I wrote, since I’m going to be selling it at Craft 2.0 along with my mother’s pottery (check out the blog)- anyway. But that was so long ago. I finished it in 2002, anyways, so you have to hope that I’ve changed since then. I remember glancing through a copy in August when I had dinner at Annabel’s house but that wasn’t a full-on confrontation of the way you were five years ago. But I suppose now that there are Korn videos on the TV, and Sebastian curled up on my lap, I should confront it now.

    Wow, so that wasn’t quite as bad as I expected. I suppose because I wrote it in 2002, things have changed so much since then. I mean. looking at who read Boys, Boys, Boys, Boys, Boys, in so-far as who was in it, *IV said it was the sexiest thing he’d ever read, although, you know, that was after we’d had sex another time. The ex boyfriend (you know, of all of those ex boyfriends that I’ve had) has read it, but didn’t comment, surprisingly enough, for all the speaking out that he ever did when we were together and afterwards.

    I had other things to say. I had photos in my flickr account to link to. I would have talked about how my new home project was Lisa and I watching Firefly at home. I would have talked about a buttload of social events that I’ve been to with the Wellingtonista, partially revolving around the Wellingtonista Quiz League and partly with awesome fresh fish at the Port Cafe last Friday, and oh, you know what? Whatever. Maybe I’ll post tomorrow or maybe I won’t. But hurray for Robyn, and now things will be awesome. Oh, and hopefully there’ll be new Hubris as soon as Heather can do it!

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    The Chocolate Weekend

    April 10th, 2007 — 9:25am

  • My conversation with Smoo on Sunday morning when I got up (okay, it was actually 5pm, rather than the morning):
    Me: Smoo, will you provide me with an alibi if I go next door and rip off the heads of the children who have been screaming ALL FUCKING DAY stupidhoppeduponchocolatefuckheadsihatesthem?
    Smoo: I was going to ask you the same thing. Fuck they’re so annoying, and I’m not even hungover!
    Me: what makes you think I’m hungover?
    Smoo: I fucking hope you are, cos you look like fucking shit.
    Hehehe.

  • My proudest achievement last week was making my counsellor cry. It was actually because I described the otter video that made me cry, but still! I <3 her lots and lots because last week when I was having somewhat of a breakdown (yes, again), she said that instead of always thinking about what I should be doing (even in regards to doing Healthful Things like the gym or writing creatively), perhaps I could just picture myself as a cat, and chase a bit of string if it comes along, or eat and sleep. Needless to say I spent most of Easter napping in sunny patches and licking my genitals.

  • The Wellingtonista Bowling League is a go, and I would really like it if you’d enter a team. Please. Our first night is April 24.

  • I had last Thursday off after playing the stupid-girlfriend-holding-her-boyfriend-as-emotional-hostage card at work and so I spent most of the day at my parents’ house as they were away, and our washing machine was broken. I did some loads, and also started my new zine called You’re so Entertaining. It’s going to be completely different from 101 Stories that I want to tell you and BOYS BOYS BOYS BOYS BOYS in that it’s mostly a collection of recipes. Speaking of BOYS, can someone PLEASE send me a copy of it, or send me their original so I can photocopy it? I don’t have a copy and I’ll like to start re-reproducing it. I’ll reward you with goodies if you send it down to me.

  • I am in love with magazines right now, but only the good ones. I bought a subscription to Bust because I find it so inspiring, and i’ve been seeking out Jane, Frankie, and, as usual, Q. In my head I mentally tax deduct these as business expenses. This may be part of the reason that my financial state is so dire. Well, that and the crack addiction. And $85 a week counselling. And drunken Saturdays at Frindigo wandering around on the balconey by myself while boys tried to chat up Karen, wishing that I could erase phone numbers from my head because they are not relevant anymore. And cooking flat dinners on Mondays, as well as providing almost all the wine. Still, at least Lani cooked this week.

  • Speaking of Lani, she’s off to Canadia tomorrow for two weeks for work. I’m madly jealous and I’m going to miss her lots. I went and sat on her floor cross-legged on Monday to catch her up on all my silly gossip, and that was fun. Her partner Shayne was down for the weekend, which was rad cos he’s a very nice guy (he held open a gate for me! what a gentleman!) and things that make her happy make me happy.

  • On Sunday night, having risen at 5pm, boiled potatoes, watched The Gilmore Girls (I’m really not sure how to feel about them getting married!) and made Papas Garbanzo, I headed to Karen’s house for a dinner party with her and her flatmates and a couple of their friends. Every dish had cheese in it – the salad, the papas, the risotto, the canneloni and the eggplant bake. Cheese is good. I invited everyone to Country Club: Brazil (which is this Saturday and I’m sure you’re coming, right?) and we talked at length about country clubs, and I said how the next one will be a Cluedo-themed English Country Party, and one of the guys was like “oh I can make the best mix tape for that, and I have the perfect suit to wear” and I was like “that’s the perfect attitude!”.

  • At some stage I went to the preview of 300, and I apologise to everyone else who was there if the fact that I was laughing uproariously the whole way through was putting you off the abs porn, but seriously? Gayer than the gayest gay porn I have ever seen. And incredibly historically inaccurate to boot. And the dialogue was lifted pretty much straight from Team America, right down to the inclusion of a “Freedom isn’t free!” line.

  • I am so fond of Bart and Smoo right now. I’ve decided that I hope Bart never shaves off his moustache, because I like the compliments, and I like that Smoo’s been home lately to listen to me talk shit, and watch TV with me. Hurrah.

  • There is a pot of feijoada simmering on the stove right now for Saturday. I have to clean the house before KateH and Shirley arrive. Tonight I must deal with the repairman who is coming for the washing machine again. I tried to get Smoo to do it but apparetnly the man was only available when Smoo was out. This means more racist rambling diatribes. My counsellor uses the same man. That makes me laugh.

  • I think that’s all I have to say (*).

  • Oh and! My citalapram increase has kicked in, and holy crap it feels good. The sparkle is back in my eye again, which makes me more approachable, which makes me more confident, which makes me more approachable, etc. I know right now is the euphoria which is only temporary, but wow, the feeling today as I showered at the gym that I’d neglected for two weeks after a sprint was like I’d had a thousand orgasms that I didn’t have to work for. Well okay, every part of my body was sore, except for my wrists, which is very unusual for orgasms. Heh. But still. A lot of people worry about losing a part of themselves if they go on meds, but this is the way I am supposed to be.

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    Weakly Rap Up

    August 5th, 2006 — 6:34am

    Oooh look at me, I’ve finally got my journal kind of current. Except for filling in my RAGE about Dana being eliminated instead of Jill. Or Zayra, naturally. But let’s not talk about that (or the boards that I have been reading, or the tears that have sprung to my eyes today watching clips of Marty and Jordis…). Let’s talk about me instead!

    Firstly, what I left out of my Auckland recap was that while I was at Annabel’s, she pulled out her copy of Boys Boys Boys Boys Boys as I emailed her a copy of 101 Stories, and it was soooooo weird reading it again. Did I really write that? Did I really live that way? Strange. No wonder people have mentioned what a progression 101 is. But I would still really love someone to send me back a copy of Boys because I haven’t got one. Please? Someone? I know they’re mostly pretty bad photocopies anyway, but maybe someone has one of the A4 versions that they could send me? Thanking you in advance.

    Other things that are good in my life right now is meeting up with the rest of the Wellingtonista crew tonight for martinis (except for me because I am under 30), and then a cocktail party tomorrow night for Cinta’s hens’ night. Then on Sunday dinner for Karen’s birthday. On a much healthier for me note, I signed up to do personal training boxing sessions today. I’ll get to hit stuff! Yay! I think that will be fucking awesome stress release, and also I’m trying to mix up my exercising, because I don’t want to get bored and I really need to step things up for the sake of my wrist and also not dying on the flight to America.

    I am so looking forward to America, like woah. The time is creeping closer and closer. In fact, America at the Country Club is next Saturday August 12. We’re having a kegger Frat/Sorority party with John Hughes and Showgirls. And a pillow fight. And junk food. And initiation ceremonies and hazing. You should come along. In real America news, I rang Kate at some ungodly hour last Friday night when I got home. I was aiming for her birthday but kind of missed, and also I was drunk and lonely, and I miss her! All the same, I’m really not looking forward to the phonebill.

    This afternoon I am sniggering at the Peaches CD I’m listening to and trying to postpone doing more phone calls, but since there are a hundred people on my list (almost literally – once I finish assembling my list there will be anyway), I suppose I shouldn’t put that off for much longer. Work is interesting right now in terms of RFPs, and black holes, and also new projects that I am working on, and the fact that I went on some weird trip on Tuesday and cleared out about four things I’d been sitting on for months. Go me. And now I must go and pee. It’s important that I tell you this, honest.

    Finally, just some links to things I’ve been up to lately – TV Squee / Rockstar Obsession / Pirate and Auckland photos. That’s about all. OH! And I have an RSS feed that works now, which I would add in to the bottom of the page, except that without a laptop I can’t FTP in, but you can find it at http://hubris.co.nz/rss apparently, according t the wise Heather. That’s it now. Ask me some questions about what you would like me to tell you about.

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    101 Stories That I Want To Tell You

    March 24th, 2006 — 5:30am

    So, I’ve made a new zine, and it’s called 101 Stories That I Want to Tell You. If this was an album, it’d probably be a collection of b-sides and rarities, as it contains pieces I wrote as long ago as early 1998. Actually, it contains pieces that I wrote as long ago as early 1986, but not so many of them.

    101 Stories is the logical follow-up to BOYS BOYS BOYS BOYS BOYS, except that this time it’s about emotions instead of bodies. There are names, faces, images and photographs in this one. Even if you were the most dedicated fan/stalker I’ve ever had, there will be stories in this zine that you have never heard before.

    If it was an album, I imagine that there’d be critics who would say things like “this is a bloated and self indulgent waste of space. Perhaps it should have been cut down to 10 stories instead of 101, and then maybe it would have some resonance”. But maybe that’s just the critic in my head. The point of 101 Stories is not about choosing the finest words, it’s about getting rid of all of the words in me, so that I can wipe the slate clean and start again.

    It well and truly does contain 101 (or more) stories that vary in length from a single line to several pages. Featured stories include

  • ‘Fucking Internet – A Story for Annabel’
  • ‘North of Me’
  • ‘The Second Time I Told You I Loved You’.

    There’s also a story in there that I didn’t write, but was written for me, and so therefore I claim ownership.

    101 Stories is 32 pages or 11,404 words long, single sided A4 metal bound.

    How to get your mitts on it


    There are three ways you can get a copy of 101 Stories.

    1. Be the first person to let me know that you have a copy of BOYS BOYS BOYS BOYS BOYS that you can copy and send back to me because I appear to have given all my copies away and I want it back.

    2. Send me something – your zine, a CD, a picture, a letter. My (work) address is Joanna McLeod, PO Box 19090, Wellington, New Zealand. But please do make sure you send me something, a couple of people left me hanging after Boys, and that’s not very nice at all.

    3. Email me and ask me for my bank account number, and put $5 in it. I’m actually paying for the postage of this one, so I kind of need the money.

    In all instances, make contact with me via joanna at hubris.co.nz first so that I know what to expect. The initial print run will be ten copies, and I’m going to hand-number them so you can see how special you are.

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    4 October, 2002

    October 4th, 2002 — 3:58pm

    So, while I’m drunk enough and also happy enough, I might give you a brief heads up. I’m really tempted to not to though, because oh for fucks sake, can people misunderstand me just a little bit more? Am I really that obtuse? I’m considering shutting down Hubris once and for all. I thought I was clearer and easier to understand on paper, but apparently not. It just really fucking bugs me, eh.

    BUT! Here’s another list:

  • If you search for “Wellington Gay Drum’n'Bass Massive” on Google, my site will appear second. This explains some things.
  • You won’t remember this, unless you were in my class with me, but when we were in Second Year, we always used to use the computers in the Journo room for our assignments, except sometimes this horrible 3rd year Journo student used to lord it up over us and kick us out really bitchilly. Guess who got Terri’s job at work – you know, the one I applied for, for the role I have to work with every day that I’m in the office. Oh yes. 
     <!-- and she's even more annoying in person in real life. the next two months are gonna be HELL -->

  • I wish I could write little semi invisible comments all over other people’s sites. This goes for a whole universe of people
  • My computer has decided that it won’t connect to the Internet unless I have hooked it up to Bo’s computer first, despite the fact that this is my dialup machine. Hi, anyone wanna do a reinstall for me?
  • Diet Coke with a lemon twist tastes really nasty and rancid, because the lemon makes it smell like industrial cleaner. Other than that, I think I can pretty much make the switch to diet coke – the regular kind, that is. If I crave Vanilla Coke, I can just add vanilla essence.
  • I thought for a while that maybe I fucked up really badly, and that’s why we weren’t friends any more, but it’s really you that has no concept of friendship and loyalty and stamina, isn’t it? One strike and you’re out.
  • Actually, I’d been seriously thinking of putting in to place a “three strikes and I give up” policy on people who don’t return texts or emails or phonecalls. I make allowances for people on prepay though, and people who I know who are really busy. But actually, that’s really lame isn’t it? I might just revert to being introverted instead.
  • Today was Terri’s last day, and so we drank bubbly in the sun in the Domain at lunchtime and proceeded to the pub just after 4pm, while I was still dazed (my job has been officially acknowledged to be “Sit and Look Pretty” after I reported back in a team meeting that really, that’s all I’d done all week and everyone just laughed and said well, it’s a hard job to do) and I just got home just a little bit ago, sometime around 10.30, and there was a photo of a nekkid snow-woman in my letterbox, and I was SO confused cos there was no return address on the envelope, and then I figured it out – thanks Cous – hope you enjoy the zine. The pub was great, especially when strange boys from Warkworth bought me drinks, maybe in an effort to redeem my opinion of their town but probably not. But hey, free liquor is free liquor. Doesn’t mean that it’ll win my heart over when it comes to the new girl in our office though.
  • Some of the people in my Faculty are actually really cool, but FUCK I will miss Terri. She said I was a sweetheart and had been really good to work with when I left. Bridget and her both cried a lot. So did Gayle.
  • OOS is back with a vengence along with the big capital D and all that other fun stuff. Oh, new this time round – smell-induced panic attacks. Choice.
  • I’ve managed to come to grips and terms and stuff a little bit, and I’ve decided to drop my PR Practice paper, because it was that or fail all my papers, and that’s the one I’m already credited for.
  • I am trying to take better care of myself. I am trying to take better care of myself. I am trying to take better care of myself. I am trying to take better care of myself. I am trying to take better care of myself.
  • Inspired by insomnia and also a little bit of a “grrr!” feeling caused by people over-rating themselves, one morning around 3am, I sat down and wrote a list of all the people that I have had crushes on in the past five years. There were four boys named Daniel. There were three boys named Mike. There were boys and girls. There were people I’d scored. There were various Internet layabouts. There were over 50 people on the list, some who would freak out if I told them that I had a crush on them, and many who wouldn’t. That included a grand total of one person that I’ve been in love with, who left me, and one person who I fell for, who thought that I was good enough for a fling but not a relationship. And a whole bunch’o other flavour’o the week or night or hour people.
  • Actually, maybe I would be able to get away with my own brand of being totally straight up if I was skinny and pretty.
  • Actually, I’m fucking cold.
  • Actually, I think Bo really is a crack whore, and we ACTUALLY use the word ‘actually’ far too often.
  • We went on a crazyass hypo mission last night to Briscoes. Consequently – I HAVE NEW BED LINEN! YAAAAAAAY! She claims that bed linen will be the downfall of the Western Society. I like the way she thinks.
  • Love and respect and thoughts out to LP. <!– i hate that bad things happen to the best people –>

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    self disclosure

    September 8th, 2002 — 7:22pm

    Sunday September 8th, 2002

    So my favourite new game to play on Sundays is to find a friend whom you know was more than a little drunk at a big social function and text them to say that there’s a photo of them snogging on the back on the Sunday Star Times. Muhahaha. Sorry.

    This morning I had brunch with KateH at BoxHouse. It was choice! We gossiped lots, as per usual, and I replayed for her all the conversations that we’d had on Friday Night that she didn’t remember. The service was lovely and the food was excellent, and so it made for a very enjoyable time all around. But eventually I had to drag myself home. Haley came over in the afternoon, and we actually got a lot of work done – well, we drafted our first press release, and tried to organise other things, and freaked out about how much work we have to do. I’m so craving a time machine that can zap us to the afternoon of November 21st when I have finished my exams and we have handed in our final report and all we have to do is worry about how to wear our hair to the actual show. Not that I’m shallow or anything, oh no.

    But of course, no time spent working on our assignment is without at least twice the amount of time gossiping. Haley’s like “Wow, I learn something new about you every Sunday”. Today was intimate details of my sex life, poor girl, oh, and also that I have a website. Hi Haley! Now get back to work.

    This evening I did nothing at all. Oh, that’s not strictly true – I talked to KateM on the phone which was super choice cos I hadn’t talked to her in a zillion years. She says the reason that people love me is for my paranoia. I think she’s been smoking crack overseas. Then I watched Buffy and then The A’Team. And now I’ve done the reporting in to our mentor/client, like the good girl I am, and am trying to arrange my day for tomorrow. I can’t remember if I have one interview or two tomorrow. Uh oh. I think it’s just one, and then I have two on Tuesday – hopefully. I guess right now I really should try and plan out some interviewing questions. Dammit, I’m supposed to be in PR, not Journalism! Oh wait, that’s right – us PR people fulfill ALL the media functions while you others are just lazy. Call us the dark arts, will you?

    Also tomorrow, I must send out zines. Have I plugged that enough? When you write to me to ask me for one, if you’re especially polite, I may even send out one of my last remaining copies of The Garland Gang cd. I wonder if I still have a page about that. Hmmm, apparently I don’t. Oh well.

    And I’ve been stupid, and have been reading your old letters, and I wonder if you’re still out there watching, or what. And did I do something wrong, and is that MY editor’s tread I hear approaching? And just finally, no one calls me verbacious any more. And that sucks.

    I did write up how I’m going to Welly, yeah? Yeah I think I did. Which means I’ll have to rearrange my work days to fit that in, and coupled with the fact that I’m interviewing fashion students left right and centre, I’m pretty fucking busy eh. Also tomorrow I must go to the chemist in Mt Eden and plead with them to fill my pill repeat for me even though it was supposed to have expired on the 7th of September – I so don’t wanna have to pay $20 for another prescription. I’m not entirely sure how beneficial it’s been to me – I still have pimples, and I’m still hairy, but maybe less so. And who knows what’s going on in my ovaries. Oh, that
    reminds me of amusing critics:

    landscribe says: uhm.. i have issues with how your expenditure and income match up.. you eat out lots
    Joanna McLeod says: well
    Joanna McLeod says: I have an allowance
    landscribe says: and you live in auckland.
    Joanna McLeod says: plus I work 15 hours a week
    Joanna McLeod says: plus I’m good at eating cheaply
    Joanna McLeod says: you too can have a lifestyle like me!
    landscribe says: i dont have ovary and pill issues.. nor do i like dry martinis… i can only *aspire*

    Oh you get my point. Shut up.

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    BOYS BOYS BOYS BOYS BOYS

    September 6th, 2002 — 7:21pm

    Friday September 6th, 2002

    Last night, I went as KateH’s +1 to Salmonella Dub at the Saint James, but we were both pretty drunk before we met up, and then she said she could get me drinks on receipt, so I was like, well sure, so we just ended up sitting in the booths upstairs gossiping/yelling _with_ each other, not at each other, cos she’d had a bad day, and I had conspiracy theories running around in my head, and oh god, I just wanna say (and you know I sorted this out with you Katie, so this is not a diss) how can you people not be able to tell the difference between “so I met this guy last night and he was totally amazing and I felt really close to him and I so want to see him again” and “I shagged a boy last night – he was really nice but we had no connection”? Maybe my communication skills aren’t as good as I’d like to think that they are. I know y’all have my best interests at heart though and I love you for it. Too defensive my fucking ass.

    Anyways, so we didn’t even see Salmonella Dub, though we heard them, and then KateH went to the B-Net afterparty, and I managed to blag my way in cos I wanted to spend more time with her. I have to say, the so called “cool” people of this world are actually really fucking boring. Then I went home and lay on the floor in the lounge for hours and hours watching Nine Inch Nails videos and then talking on the phone til almost 5am.

    Today I got woken up by Penny calling at 10.30am, and so she came round around 1pm and we caught up on the St Pats Boys gossip from the CarnageMatakana party. Then Anji rang me with hot exciting gossip. Now I am going to have a shower and take my green folder and go to bed.

    BUT! The purpose of this journal really is to let you know that I have finished my zine, “BOYS BOYS BOYS BOYS BOYS” and I would like to trade it with you. Zines, yes, how retro 1993. Go to this page for more information, and yeah, that’ll be cool. Thank you!

    Dammit, some slapper has just stolen my bathroom. Must go sort this out!

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    wart? or pimple?

    September 5th, 2002 — 7:19pm

    Thursday September 5th, 2002

    I’ve had whispers of conspiracy theories going on in my head, which really serve just to demonstrate what a paranoid paranoid paranoid girl I am. Nevermind.

    Hmmm, what have I been up to lately? Working yesterday afternoon, but Terri was out sick, and Bridget’s away for a month (dammit, I nearly called them by their real names) and I didn’t have very much to do and I couldn’t move further without help from Terri, so I did do some more work on my zine. It’s nine pages long now, but I figure I have to make it at least 16 to make it worthwhile doing, and I’m finding that really, there’s not all that much more I can write. I’ve already outsmutted myself, I think (oh, for those of you who’ve just tuned in, my zine is called “BOYS BOYS BOYS BOYS BOYS”). Still haven’t found out if I got the job yet or not. It’s stressing me out more than just a little bit.

    I was naughty and wagged my HR Tut this morning, but luckily it turned out that it was canceled anyway. Joseph was more than usually disturbing in our PR Practice tut, so Haley and I ever-so-grownuply wrote notes to one another, mostly about DiscoDan and I think I caught her up on my conspiracy theories and she just laughed at me. She also wrote me a note saying that I should tell Clayton she thinks he’s hot and that he should give her a call if he ever breaks up with Kara. I laughed. Oh, I’ll interrupt me with this side story here – Clay is a little grumpy with me tonight, cos he was telling me a story about this guy who tried to pick him up on the bus, who kept quizzign him about his background and what school he went to and stuff, and so when Clay told him, they tried to compare names of people they knew from there but they had no one in common, so Clay went “oh, but I know (umm forget his name) from Queer Nation”, so in the retelling of it I was like “oh of course Clay – all gay people know each other and they all watch Queer Nation” and so he’s shirty with me for accusing him of stereotyping, but oh well. Typical self loathing!

    Anyways. Where were we? Oh yeah. So after our very long plenary meeting, Haley and I went to the Playhouse cos we thought we mighta been meeting the fashion students for an interview, but we weren’t sure cos Haley had sent out the email and not checked it recently (grr!) but they didn’t show, as I kinda expected, so we just had a drink and did much gossiping instead. Then I went home and phoned Momma, and booked plane tickets to Wellington. Yes, I’m going back there, even after declaring loudly many times to many people that I never ever wanted to again. Here’s why:

    1. Ayna had invited me to her birthday party on the 18th of September.
    2. We’re having a PR social down there to meet and greet (and apparently get leered at) by prospective employers.
    3. Mummy and Daddy are going away for a week on the 19th, so I will get the house to myself, plus since I’m flying down on the 18th, I will get to see them for a day,which is probably all I can handle of them.
    4. Karen and Anji and my KatieB and my FattySi are all down there and I miss them all and wanna hang out with them big lots.

    So now I just have to get the time off work, or rearrange my days somehow. Luckily I do have a day in lieu up my sleeve.

    This evening James picked me up and I went to see the team named “Stupid Horse” play indoor netball. It was fun! And it made meeee wanna play, although I haven’t since the glory days’o Standard 4. I have no doubt that I would suck at it – a lot. But still. Oh and Kate – I didn’t say this tonight, in fact I didn’t even think of it, but then I was watching Juice, so guess what? TEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHE. Love you baby.

    Bo is still staying at her aunt’s, babysitting her cousin, so I rang her earlier today cos lord knows I can’t go three days without her ray of sunshine in my life. I’m so glad she moved in. Speaking of people that I like, have I said lately that I miss you? And I miss you. And you.

    I have been having major crazy dreams lately – last night’s involved the cast of Home and Away, and a supervillan who was placing poisonous evil nasty creatures everywhere. It was fucked up. And oooh, I also dreamt about Amy and Andeee, so I really must give them a call sometime. I have a lot of catching up to do, I’m really quite slack huh?

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