Hubris.co.nz

This is me resisting doing a booty call but I’m so real tempted, and if you’re reading this, you do know you’re fucking excellent in bed, right? Like, that thing you do with your fingers and my clit, OH MY GOD. But from now on, I’ll be PG. Oh, did I mention it’s been one of those nights? I’m sure you’ve realised it anyways.

Where was I? Oh yeah, answering phones for KateM for three and a half hours, playing on an internet that actually works, as opposed to this one at home. Although finally it seems to be working. Anyways, so yeah, day spent at KateM’s work, trying to be all cool and shit, adn then I had coffee with Thomas to say like an official goodbye. Like,you can go “what the fuck?” and all, but yeah, it was important to me. So I did that and stuff. And then I came home and Clay hugged me lots. Ohmy god, did I mention that he knew about my fuckbuddy all along? And there I was thinking i was so sly and discreet. But I’m sure I’m talking about something more important.

Like maybe Inco being parked in Mt. Eden at KateM’s house. Hi Scott! Hi KateM. Damn stalkers. Anyways, their party was lots of fun. I talked to lots of programmers and got all defensive and thought I was boring til they pointed out that they could have quite easily have walked away. Hamish and I had another staged political arguement, this time about the Treaty of Waitangi and I was arguing on the side of the Tangata Whenua, so that was fun. There would have been more dancing only ummm, I can’t remember what my excuse was. Oh yeah, I wanted hip hop only it was all house. I miss Ayna! I wanna be at her house listening to oh baby I like it raw and you can call me dirty and then lift up your skirt. I like the hip and the hop. And I punched Justin lots for something that’s not his fault but which I blame him entirely for. And I talked to Lovely Paul and all and eventually we ended up in taxi going to town, even after I knocked bottles off the porch onto the ground.

And I talked to Jody a lot whichwas ex OOOH NEW PLUTO VIDEO. Okay, so I’m back from that. I did Moscow Snow. Hey EM, I’d love to send you Pluto and other stuff, except of course that you haven’t writeen me in aaaaaaages. Meh. Oh wait, I was going to stop saying “meh”, because the boy used to have an ex with the same name as me who used to say “neh” all the time, but really, it’s not all about the boy. It’s about drinking too, I’m sure. And dancing at the oh my god, what the fuck is it called? The Grand Circle. Yeah. That aws cool. And then walking home all blah blah and saying “hi” too much and i’m sleepy and I gotta boot up wordpad to do my index since notepad won’t take it. Etc etc. Also, programmer Jason – KateM agreed with me that you had hairwhen I first met you. So there.

I swear, I never drink alone though, eh. I wanna take hallucenogenic drugs again. I wanna go back to Sydney again! DAMMIT!

And now there’s enrique on the radio and I gotta dance alone be right back

Woah, I’ve never danced in my hall alone. I should have had brad there, or clayton. Odd. How do my flatmates have lives and I don’t? Oh wait, yeah, cos I’m SICK! Fuck you Health, I didn’t want you anyways. I’m home alone instead of beuinbg out on the town, and I’m BORED! I went to Cess’s party cos I was yelled at to go, but then everyone went to town and I knew I was too sick to go, so I’m home.

It’s really annoying, because I look so good tonight eh. Well, bored enough to turn the cam on Random anyways. I’m wearing a nice sari tho. Tho? Though. Okay, no fucking abbreviations for me!

It was Brad’s last night at Liquor King tonight, so he bought htis assortment of imported beers. I brought them home with me after Cess’s. The Sapporo was in the sexiest can ever. Then again, everything is sexy right about now. Well, almost everything. Oh Alcohol, how many marriages have you arranged?

I came home for the first time this week in daylight. Oh yes, I handed in my ID today, and it felt great. I got home at 4pm instead of 10pm, and that w as very very exciting. Then Kate B interograted me.
“Did you have someone over last night?”
“No”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes”
“Are you lying to me?”
“No – why?”
“I’m just using my detective skills – when I got up this morning, there was a bowl of water with wax floating in it on the dining room table and a chair was missing, that’s all”
“Oh you mean the bowl with vicks vapour rub in it? and the chair I took because my desk chair is too low?”
“Well… yeah”
“What the fuck were you thinking?”
“I figured you had someone over, and had some floating candles in a bowl to create atmosphere, adn then you went off to your room, and took the chair with you…”
“What the fuck did you think I was doing with the chair?????”
“I don’t know”
“who did you think I had over?????”
“(name)”
“Fuck you! no way!”
“well, i thought maybe you had a few more beers and said what the hell…..”
“there is not enough beer in the world!”

Kate’s going on the 30th. So is the cat, I guess. This evening, I was home alone, enjoying actually being home, doing laundyry and cooking and tidying

Oh yes, Kate Morrison. I wnet and picked her up from Ponsonby, cos she was carless. I advised her on the wrong perfume – it wasn’t my fault. In gratitude for me picking her up, she bought me lemonade and chuppies. We came back here and drank vodka, and sat on the couch outside, and had a throughly decent gossip. She figured out who I ahd a crush on, and said we were suited. I giggled. We talked about other stuff too which made me giggle more. ZThen Maree rang up and yelled at me to come to Cess’s party, that she was coming in half an hour to pick us up, so I said “okay fine” although I was sick. So I got all dressed up and stuff, and we went over, and like, 15 minutes later, everyone was going to town. So Maree dropped me home, adn I was all bitter, cos I looked so good, and no one to see!

hehehehe telephone conversations with people more out of it than you are so amusing. Actually I can’t remember anything, and it’s only like 15 minutes later. that’s a bad sign, righft? i have a craving right now to light all the candles in my room, thanks to Olivia, but I believe Kate B has stolen ALL my matches, so i can’t. I just went and took a candle to my car and tried to light it off my cigarette lighter, but that didn’t work. Where oh where are those cretins that smoke in my room NOW when i need a lighter? Grr!

“You got nipple licking? I’m so jealous!”

I dunno what goes on man, you tell kate b you’ll come out ot her friend’s house for a few drinks, and then past 3am you’re crawling into your house from a taxi and the driver was smoking and had no registration on his window but you’re too tired and have been dancing on a stage and so none of it really seems to matter.

Jones’s freaked me out at first, all black and white squares like Laser Strike or that Tom Petty video where the girl turns into a cake and she’s cut up and eaten. Random Hardbodies are scary, as are slappers in tight white pants. Mmm I taste all sweaty, how lovely. Oh, that’s sucking my thumb, which people tell me off for, but there’s no one here now to tell me off, and sitting up at the computer makes me head buzz less than lying down trying to sleep DAMMIT ears, shut up, such a low pain threshold.

But before town, we were somewhere in Ponsonby, and even before that we were driving to st heliers in Kate’s car, burning off and being burnt off by some car for ages and my hands are out of the skylight because I’ve been drinking, and I’m drinking red bull. It gives you wiiiings don’t you know? And so we pick up Le-at and Ange, and I get a text message saying “I love it when you lick me” and I have no fucking idea who it’s from, so I call them, but they answer and then hang up so I don’t get the answerphone, and I figure it’s Maree from James’s phone but I’m not entirely sure. 021 1372398 if that rings any bells. But I texted back the wrong number going “who the fuck are you?” so whoops me.

At John Abbot’s house, we’re playing drinking games and the girls are all drinking scary bubbly and because there’s no corkscrew I can’t open my wine so I’m drinking scary bubbly too. We play some game first where you can’t say 21, and you make up a new rule every time you fuck up so every time you say a multiple of three you have to say “God bless Abott” and four becomes arse, but that’s all too complicated so we play “I have never”. One of the first things that come up, Kate’s staring at me going “oh my god” and I’m blushing, but later I get everyone’s applause and I was like “why the fuck?” but oh well. Then they keep playing Zed “renegade fighter” and it’s so hideous, like if they were playing Creed and being serious. They’re waiting for their friend Ryan, and hwen he shows up I realise that I know him, and it’s Vision Ryan and we’re quietly geeky. Then Mike and I have a face off over why Limp Bizkit suck, and the chairs we’re sitting in are all white vinyl egg shapey, so I feel like I’m on mastermind or some shit like that.

Taxi van and Kate B’s all “Yay for you coming out with us!” and then it’s a five dollar charge to get into jones’s but there’s shakers, and kate’s skived off with my eftpos card and then dancing dancing dancing and you can’t go wrong with that, can you? I had some strange conversation with Mike who was convinced I was Swedish, and I don’t think that I told him I was, but possibly Kate did. Still, it was very strange, and we’d all given each other Scottish names for the drinking games, but I was just McLeod, because as everyone knows, there can be only one. Eventually I get tired and I go and talk to Le-at, and she’s like “What’s your favourite part of your body?” and straight away I can tell her eyes, hair, breasts. I don’t know what Le-at said, but Ryan said arms. So there you go, absolutely no statistical data can be gathered from that. Kate gave me a g&t, which I drank although I like neither g nor t. Vodka lime soda tasted different, not enough lime perhaps. I danced on the stage for ages, because I’m not an attention seeker. Well, I am, but not as much as the people I was out with, so I was happy to dance by myself. I havent’ been to like a dance party since oh shit, it musta been Coldcut, and that was literally lifetimes ago. Woah. It’s like my tech friends are all very into Pop, which I also like, but dammit, trance is fun too, so maybe I should convert them. Or maybe I should just go out with Kate more. I have a feeling my life is going to start to get a lot more expensive.

This page is supposed to look kinda like my sari, but it doesn’t really. I can’t do it justice. It is so so fucking cool. I love it big lots. Even if it is a pain to wear.

Oh, do you know what else I love? Peter! Or um, more specifically, the fact that he gave me the Macy Gray cd.

I got so many cool pressies today, I’m just so completely spoiled, and it’s great. I’ve had such a fully primo day. Yes indeedy. My feet ache like motherfuckers though from dancing.

Shirley’s party was soooo choice, apart from the facthtat I had to keep running off to the bathroom to retie my sari cos layers of it were drooping. Oh the things we do to look so damn good.

I made my speech, and everyone laughed at all the right times, and everyone said ti was really good, so that made me happy. I felt bad cos no one made a speech for Evelyn, but what could I do? I don’t really know her.

Shirley was looking very very good in a tight skirt and bodice. We were all stunned. Sacha had to ask which one was Shirley, because she looked more like Evelyn.

Oh oh, I talked to Bourke! I was so stoked, cos he completely remembered me, although it’s been like two years. We were talking for ages, just instantly clicking again. I could see Maree and Kate M in a corner, and I KNEW they were going “Jo’s SO in” and I just felt bad, because I wasn’t. Sigh. Why do boys have to like boys? Why can’t they just like, snog and stuff for show, but really prefer girls? I think that’s a brilliant idea. I laughed when I saw Shirley talking to Kate M and Maree explaining. But he gladhanded me later, and gave me the sauciest wink. Cock tease!

When I first met Bourke, I thought he was an absolute god – he’s Dutch for gods sakes! So I went to a party with him and Shirley once, and I told Shirley I wanted him, and she was like “go for it, go on! I’m sure he’d be keen”. And of course, he chose that night to come out to her! D’oh! And of course, what made it worse was that she still told him I wanted him, and he was like “I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry” and I was like “don’t apologise silly”. And then he was like teasing me going “can you convert me?” and he was all close and stuff, and of course, Shirley was like “OI!” Well, it made for an interesting story, anyways!

I’ve decided that Derek is the closest thing to Robbie Williams I will ever get. Sigh. He’s still very entertaining though, just too short.

What else? Dancing was lots and lots of fun, apart from the slipping sari. Andrew was talking to me, and he goes “your hair looks really cool” and I was like “are you mocking me?” cos Brad and Maree have been hassling me for ages going “your hair is choice” ala Ben, but no, apparently Andy was genuine, and I think I slightly offended him, poor lad. Trudie and Dee gave me a “grow your own crystal” set. I got all these sciency gifts, it’s odd. Cool though.

Maree and I got a taxi home together, and the driver was Indian. We were chatting, and he was like “that’s crazy, what you are wearing” so I was like “pardon? you mean my skirt?” and he was like “yeah, what do you call it?”. I said it was a sari, but I was wearing it like a skirt because I didn’t know the traditional way to wear it, and I just loved the colours. He agreed that they were spectacular, adn when I added that Maree had given it to me, he had to agree.

Fuck this cd rocks. I need new music, all my old stuff is too associated now. Actually, I’m doing pretty well with Travis, cos there’s only like one line in the whole album that makes me think of stuff (“all I wanted is a chance to say I would like to see you in the morning – rolling over just to have you there will make it easy for a little bit longer”), so that’s nifty AND they’re playing here in July, Wahoo!

So yeah, stuff si all good, apart from the fact that I’m up at 2.30am and I’m still not packed. Dammit, i suck. Must… go… to…bed…must…get…up…in…seven..hours

Oh yeah, clayton and brad gave me these:

My boys rock

Bye bye, see youse guys in like 2 weeks or somefink.

I woke up, and realised I was lying on like the extreme left of my bed, almost over the edge. Okay, I do often tend to favour the left side (that’s left when I’m in it), but never quite that close to the edge. It kinda freaked me out. I was like “okay, I’m wearing pajamas – that’s a good sign.” So then I thought a little more, and remembered that there were only reaaaaally skeggly people left in the house when i went to bed. That gave me the courage to stick out my arm, and cautiously check the other side of my bed for bodies. No one was there. Phew.

I mean, I hadn’t been THAT drunk, but I wasn’t thinking too straight. After all, it was morning. Like, really early morning. Must have been like 7.30am because Gail said she was going to be leaving then, and that noise probably would have woken me up.

Then I heard my cellie ring at 10.30am, so I had a babble to Clare for a while, trying to fill her in on all the gossip and stuff. So that was cool. It was weird though, cos Heidi sent me an SMS page, and that cut me off with Clare. Bizzare. Nevermind, she rang me back.

Our phone kept on ringing, but every time I refused to answer it, cos I knew it’d probably be for Clayton. And so it was only fair that he got out of bed to take care of it. It was fucking annoying though. I kept drifting in and out of dreams.

But anyways, yeah. The house is such a mess. Simon and I threw out all the empty cans and bottles, and took stock of what we’d been left with. I think the final tally was seven bottles of coke, about half of which were open, but not flat, a bottle of wine, and an can of beer. Score! And there were still like bags of chips and wedges and stuff, so that rocked. Barbeque chips for breakfast.

We hassled Clayton a bit (yeah, like he could get away without being mocked) but no one’s really done much in the way of cleaning. Si and I set up the wings on the dining table again, and brought out my computer. Such net withdrawl, man! I had lots of emails which was good.

Y’all are loving the “Joanna Is” form, aren’t you? Here’s a list of what I’ve recieved so far:

Joanna is:

• wonderful
• poculent
• never lost for words
• one of my favourite people in the whole entire universe
• too blunt
• slack with her journal entries
• mine
• yer a wee belter
• late posting to day

The “Joanna is Mine” one is a little bit disturbing. Sure, claim me if you like, but it’d kinda sorta help to know who you actually were, so I could know who I belonged to!