Hubris.co.nz

Things are all bleeding into other things right now, except for my twat bleeding into my panties like it should be, except for the occasional days of spotting. Oh yes that’s right, it wouldn’t be a proper Hubris entry if we didn’t spend at least part of the time talking about my period now would it?

When you last heard from me, I was heading off to a house in Otaki, where the water in the ocean was warm like a bathtub, and the shelves stacked with trashy books. Behold:
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I have been reading a lot lately. I have to mention Barbara Taylor Bradford’s dreadful book about some family dynasty, which read like a radio play, with the characters narrating all the action “Oh how well you look in that blue satin dress with the intricate lace trimming that highlights your eyes” and “oh look, there is a horse running toward us wildly and it appears that the rider has lost control”. Uggh. It was also like The Odyssey in its repetition of how handsome and brave and loyal the main character was. You know, despite his mistresses and everything.

I know that this book was not important enough in my life to warrant a paragraph like that, but I’m trying to bring back more of the trivial experiences into my writing. I don’t want Hubris to be only about my depression. But in that area, I’ve switched back to taking my meds during the day, they definitely weren’t helping me sleep. Sleep is still a weird thing, dreams are incredibly detailed and realistic-seeming, apart from random nakedness of neighbours. And sleep comes at the wrong times, after 4am, and during meetings when I’m sitting at the back of the room. I’m hoping the end of daylight savings will help me sort out a little of my body clock.

I keep planning things when I know I’m not supposed to. We’re having a wine quiz on Friday at Karen’s, email me if you want come along. At some stage we want to have a TEN THOUSAND party for The Wellingtonista because we’re getting 10,000 unique hits a month now, which is exciting. And I’ve set up The Aucklandista as well. It’s been fun being a master of my own domain. But I am probably doing too many things at once.

At Lisa’s flatwarming party this Saturday, she shoved a cock in my mouth, so later I shoved my tongue in hers. Then her temporary guest kicked me out of his bed where I’d gone to sleep because the house was full of people sleeping everywhere. Who kicks hot girls out of their beds? Exactly. When Karen, Dylan and I shared a taxi back into town, I made it all the way to my street, $47 later, but when we stopped outside of my house, I had to open the door to puke luminous green bile into the street. So classy. Also, whoever thought it was a good idea to let me have access to my cellphone when I’m drinking?

There are other things, other parties. Foot rubs in Mt. Cook, foot rubs here at home. Wine festivals in the Wairarapa. Quietish nights on the couch watching Black Books. Playing records until 6am with new friends. Anji’s flatwarming with piles of meat, dancing and pole-dancing. Being a lady-who-lunches with Martha. Trying to deal with the piles and piles of paperwork at work that is piling up. That’s not really a party though I suppose. Internet dramas. Sharing Jill NSFW’s rage at the new ALAC ads.

On the domestic front I spent Thursday cooking for an hour and a half so I felt all domesticated, but I need to clean. I do have someone coming in to fix the washing machine tomorrow though. I have Anji’s signature on a piece of paper so maybe I’ll get my bond back from Hataitai finally. Etc.

The most important thing is that I’ve decided exactly what I want for my future. Unfortunately I didn’t win the lotto, but I figure maybe I can work on parts of my dream (Read: New Media Empire) without necessarily having the huge warehouse-house on the edge of the city to house my offices, my social life and to act as a venue for the community. Maybe that bit will come after I’ve IPO’ed.

Today I started my new job. I get the most awesome chair ever. It’s all posh and adjustable and sexy. Yeah that’s right, the chair was the most exciting part of my job, except for all the very interesting conversations that I had with people about interesting things and stuff that’s going to happen.

Of course in order to start my new job today, I had to finish my old job last week. I was sad to leave. They gave me a lovely card and a present and said so so so so many nice things about me. We had wine and gossiped and went to Siem Reap with the account manager of the design agency we use who I used to know when I worked at VUWSA for dinner and had more wine and more gossip, and then we went to Mighty Mighty for more wine, and I saw really random graffiti on the wall in the toilet that said “I don’t have any Heroes / they are all useless” on the wall and thought “hey, that handwriting looks familiar” but I wasn’t sure because of the lack of punctuation, and also just the plain randomness of it, so I wrote the phrase on a piece of paper and got others to confirm for me that yes, unfortunately that was my handwriting. D’oh! Don’t remember that at all. Maybe it was post Great Blend.

Anyways, it was a super fun night and a lovely way to end six of the best working weeks of my life. It was – as I said to them – just like a beautiful summer romance. But getting up early on Saturday morning to go to Zinefest wasn’t so fun. My new dress arrived that morning, and I decided to wear it, which wasn’t the best decision I’ve ever made – after I set up my zine table, I went and had breakfast in Doria, then was using the church bathroom when I looked down and was like “JESUS CHRIST!” at the amount of cleavage I was showing, and I was like “oops, sorry!” looking up. And so I put my hoodie back on for most of the rest of the day. Zinefest was kind of fun, talking to new people, but I was so tired that I wasn’t very talkative. And it was strange watching people reading my zines right in front of me. Because I primarily do my dirty-talking to strangers via the interwebs, I’m not used to seeing their faces when they read it. This was much more immediate. But it was nice to see people giving me their hard-earned money, and people asking me where I stock. And now you can read my zines in the Wellington Public Library collection, if you’re that way inclined!

Then I went home for naps, and to tidy up the house, before going to pick up Lisa and Jay and Jasmine who’d already been drinking. We made the house all purty with lights, and the party began. Highlights included the tasty Martina from Auckland showing up, meeting Other Lisa’s very tall boyfriend, having a cute Dutch boy compliment my boobs a lot and then grab them a lot – and then a little while later he fell asleep on Lisa’s shoulder when we took him outside for fresh air. A Scottish brother and sister sang the national anthem together – loudly and a couple of times. Dylan told me he loved me when I “licked my own nipple”. I use quotation marks, because to tell you the truth, and all secretly now, I didn’t actually. You know that Ashley’s tip is waaaaaaaaaaay low down, and I would have had to haul myself out of the halter in order to properly do it (I can’t get close on Mary-Kate) so I settled for dipping my tongue inside my bra, and that satisfied the crowd.Lisa’s crowd sang loudly. The Scots brother broke a glass, the Scots sister broke a chair – admittedly I think it was the already broken chair. But they were hilarious and cute, so it’s okay. Everyone molested Sebastian, who responded by bringing in a live mouse that I had to take outside. I got to meet Anji’s new gentleman caller, Bambi, and Lisa squealed and jumped up and down in glee when I gave her the cake I made:

I also gave her Liam Finn’s I am Lightning but since she already had it, I offered her up my brand new Appetite for Destruction – which she gave me back in the morning saying she couldn’t take it from me. So after we’d cleaned up the house and got pizza from the Med Warehouse, we went to Real Greedy and found her CSS, and I bought The Gossip for myself, woo. And I have my ticket to their gig, so hurrah!

Okay, earlyish night for me tonight, new jobs are exhausting. So much paperwork!

It amuses me that after Heather-who-must-be-obeyedtold people she was going to give them Xmas Cards if they signed up and I had to up the ante, three more people signed up. You have until the end of the day to become a Hubrette if you want to be in on Xmas Goodness, and then that’s my cut-off point. Of course you can still become a Hubrette after that, but Santa might not be so generous.

Tonight I am going to my parents’ house for a Thanksgiving Feast and to see a Hot Dutch Boy. Well, I only imagine he’s hot because he’s Dutch and as we know, all Dutch boys are hot, like boys from Canadia eh. He’s the son of my parents’ friends, and when we lived in Germany we used to stay with them a lot. When Mum asked me if I wanted to show him and his pregnant girlfriend around town, I was like “umm what would I talk to them about?” and she was all like “Well, you guys always used to play Playmobil together” and I was like “hmm, well I suppose 20 years on, I could bust out my stuff – except that he had much cooler stuff like the Western Town.” Now I am full of Playmobil nostalgia. The website’s pretty good, although Playmobil has changed since my day. They still have the ghost though, and the Victorian House sets which were the last kind that I bought, although they’re more fancy now. And I had the Indian Camp which came in handy when I built lego forts for my Pioneering Playmobil to defend. Shame that the Indians won so often and all the women got raped really. You know that junk(ish) store on Lower Cuba St that has a giant Playmobil boy in its window? If you were to accquire that for me, I would love you for all eternity.

Okay anyways, I must try to put that site aside for now. But I WANT IT ALL okay? Cool. One day I will be a wealthy hipster with a basement rec room and I will assemble all my playmobil goodness on a huge big table and have a funny hat to wear whilst doing so, like a model train enthusiast. And then oh how laid I will get. I do believe that my point was that after tonight I will be taking Momma’s car, and tomorrow I will be driving up to the Auck, so if you would like to see me, you know what to do – 0212127920. Rock’n roll.

I’ve lost my voice. This is really quite distressing. I’m not entirely sure where I put it, either. Oh well, I’m typing now – who needs to talk?

I had such a nice lushious sleep-in today, apart from having to wake up briefly to let Justin in so he could be Funny with Brad. I had two disturbing dreams though – one where I was scoring this Dutch guy who was very very very sexy, and not gay unlike in real life, but as soon as I got his pants off I saw he was very very very small, which was rather disappointing. In the other dream, amongst bad people and startac phones and pokemon creatures and hitting people over the head with bottles, I found myself locked in a cage with someone, so I had to score them. Every Full Moon week, I have really fucked up dreams every night. It’s mildly disturbing. But yeah, anyways. I bummed around for a while and didn’t even get half way through the Herald before I got bored and went to do other things – like make an image to go on the cover of a tape Clayton was making for Kate Hamlin of all the music that we play at parties – we called it “The Sound of Garland”.

Around 4ish I think it was, Justin swung by to pick me up. I’d decided previously that i was going to take my car down to Waiuku for Kate H’s goodbye party, not drink, and drive home early, but then Justin decided that he was going to do the same thing, so he gave me a ride instead. Clay and Brad came in Brad’s car, but they went via Bucklands Beach to get a tent from his parents so as to camp over (how intense ha ha ha!). The drive out to Waiuku was really nice actually, all countryside and stuff. We passed a big sign that marked a turn off to the Steel Mill, so I begged and whined and whined to go see the sawmill, as that seemed to be the one attraction in the town, but Justin didn’t call my bluff and take me there.

Kate Hamlin’s house and driveway were full of people, lots of kids and family and stuff. The tech people all clustered together, sitting around in the sun, and it was nice. When it got colder, we put on our coats and continued to sit in the sun. Shirley had her Richard along, and I had to quickly take Clayton away “for another drink” to give him a stern talking to, cos he kept being tactless. I am the thought police. Maree’s b/f James was there too, and yet we couldn’t stop ourselves from making jokes about “going to James’s house”, but luckily once we explained, he joined in too. He was cool. Go maz go.

We watched the sitcom Clay made, on their tv which was black and white but tinged purple for some reason. The reading room in the house had blue wallpaper and blue carpet, and was quite quite cool. Eventually I went to dance with Kate H and sing “Freedom” – wham! not true bliss, which is when i realised I had no voice. That was a little unfortunate, but didn’t stop me from trying to sing “Lydia” later. There was this six year old girl there eyeing up Clayton ever since he had a little dance with her, so I made him waltz with me to make her jealous, and boy was she ever looking daggers at me. He made it up to her later though, by picking her up and waltzing with her. She’s in love with him now. I bet for the next fifteen years she’ll look back fondly at that memory and hope to marry him one day. But then again, what do you expect from a girl called Imadene? Isn’t that the name of a birth control pill?

Kate H’s only going over the summer, but it was still all kinda sad. We’ll probably have coffee before she goes, hopefully. Man, it must be strange, to work at DisneyWorld. She’s promised to bring us home red plastic cups, and in exchange, we’re promising to have a Frat Party (as opposed to a Keg Party, so we don’t have to provide a keg). We’re going to call ourselves Gamma Gamma Garland. On the way back, I whined to go to the Steel Mill again, and said “if you were smart, you’d call my bluff and just take me there to teach me a lesson”, and Justin was like “I can’t figure out if you actually want to go or not” and I said that I didn’t actually know myself anymore. So we drove up to the lookout over the steel mill and it was kinda surreal – this nicely manicured park thing with big trees and stuff, overlooking this industrial wasteland that was all lit up, because of course the factory was 24 hours. I went for a wander around the trees because the grass felt all nice and springy beneath my plastic clogs.

So that was Kate’s yesterday. I got home just before midnight, I think, but didn’t sleep for ages, despite being sick, or because I’m sick, or whatever. I’m so glad Clay had the idea of making her the tape. Brilliant. The boys didn’t even end up camping over, which I’m kinda glad about cos I would have hated to have missed out on that! “Maybe later – I’ve got creamy goodness in my mouth right now”