Hubris.co.nz

Friday August 2nd

Okay, so before i fall out of my chair and pass out on the floor, here’s the story – here’s the correct deal that any’o you could have just got out of me by simply asking, and here’s my interpretation of what happened. You know how a couple’o days ago I cut Justin off my Xmas Card List (this is not an actual thing in existence, it’s purely a metaphorical creation)? And if you know that, you know it’s of course because he had drinks last friday and didn’t invite me, not even when I texted him that day and asked him waht he was up to and he didn’t reply and as both a Gemini and a Communications student, nothing pisses me off more than peoplke who don’t reply to txts? Well anyways, I heard from sources about his party, of course, because um, hi, do you know know by now that that’s the way girls work? But anyways. So I figured he hadn’t invited me to his party cos he thought I’d mack on all his friends (and so maybe there’s some degree of truth to that) and then when I found out that the last friend’o his that I shagged was back with his ex girlfriend that he was with before he shagged me (but not while he shagged me, nor for any immediate period before then, thank you very much) and I figured maybe Justin thought I’d like, embarrass that boy or something so he just wouldn’t invite me outta decency. And of course, there were also “maybe Justin just flat out hates me” thoughts but they didn’t last very long. But anyways, then tonight me and Maz and Bo were in the cab on the way to KateH’s party, and Maz was like “not to give you a complex or anything, Jo…” and she told me that Justin had been all hesitant to tell them that the boy was back with his ex and stuff, and they were all worried about telling me and I was all “WHAT THE FUCK???? If i had been after him in any way, I ouldn’t have left while he was sleeping plus I woulda put my number in the note I stuck in his letterbox after! AAAARGH I don’t fancy him, I just have a guilty conscience!” and Maz was liek “yeah that’s what we told Justin” and Iw as like aaaaaaaargh I don’t LIKE the boy, I just gave him a lotta mind time cos I thought he was a sweetie and I wondered if I shoulda got to know him better, and Maz and Bo were like “don’t do this, don’t get a complex” and I was like “i’m not!” but anyways, as soon as Justin showed up at the party I was liek “oi you! and I gave him an earfull and he was like “Ummm?” and said that what had actually happened was that when I sent him the text on friday, he actually received it while he was in a car with the boy in question and was like “oh, is it okay if I invite Jo tonight?” and the boy started freaking out and continued to do so for three days, cos like I think we first said, he’s just back with his girlfriend, and somehow I very much doubt that she knows about him fucking me like I was a pornstar in the middle of it. So yeah, Justin and I cleared all that up. I am a little hurt though, that they could think I’d be so unsubtle or anything like that to cause a ruckus – I’d only do that to people I don’t respect, and i do very much respect thsi boy, because like I’m sure I have said before, he was probably the nicest boy I’ve ever been to bed with, even if we didn’t actually have a Connection (and this is not a diss on you; I’m sure you wouldn’t call yourself ‘Nice’). And anyways, the boy ended up showing up at the party and I watched him in the hallway for a little bit, trying to be discreet in checking him out and thought “hmmm, he actually IS really cute and actually DOES look like Milan” and then later when I walked past him I said hey, and he said hey, and it was all cool. So yeah, that was the drama and scandel. did you manage to follow ANY of that? I don’t care if you didn’t; I’m quite happily quite stoned.

Today was 9-5 at work, which is always difficult, especially since Terri had started at 7am, which meant she left at 3pm, so Bridget and I were left going “ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm” all afternoon. But I did do an interview AND write a profile today, plus now I can tell you all about the causes of hydronatraemia and who of you else can claim that? I also went to ask the HR lady about the job I’m applying for, and was liek “oh, right, good, I do have the right person – I’m terrible with names and faces”. Nice one Joanna, way to apply for PR jobs. Really, no, seriously, excellent way to influence people is by pointign out your foibles.

Hmm, foibles, does this mean that i have to talk about those godawful muppets taht I had to talk to for like half an hour who kept referring to me as a crackwhore cos Clay and Bobobo did? I hope not. In fact, I know not, cos like, I so would like to go and jump into bed where it’s real nice and warm. well actually, it’s probably cold in my bed, goddamit I need an army of flying monkeys to make me a hottie and find me some socks adn all taht stuff. Where were we? I’m just like, all OH MY GOD THERE’S BETH ORTON ON THIS MP3 cd. And that kinda thing. Something about Mazzy being hot in her hot little red dress even though sips of her bourbon remind me of *III, or even the massive quantities of bourbon I would drink with him because it was part’o the whole fucktoy/rockbottom process. And definately something about how fucking choice KateH is, and how she looked reaaaaaally hot and flamenco tonight, and also what a pleasure it was to finally meet this Amy that I’ve heard so much about. Ummm other things – like, who the fuck actually drinks Creaming Soda? And Jezza going on a massive hunt to find a lighter, and then us smoking around the picnic table in KateH’s backyard and me feeling unspeakably guilty for doing so, and then being back in her kitchen where I spent the night going “OH MY GOD” cos Like, everyone fucking knew my name and could tell me where they’d met me before and what conversation we’d had, and that always makes me real para, and then I spotted that boy in the hallway and I had to point him out to Clay and clay was like “he’s real cute and hot” and I was like oh my god please hurry up and come out and dump your girlfriend.

Dear lord, there should be some more paragraph segmentation here, surely. Other things’o note? Bopha kept calling em a crackwhore, and okay, so maybe the stripper story was case and point, but THAT’S IT. At the start’o KateH’s party, we just sat in a corner going “grrr” at each other and wondering what would happen if she went and sat on people’s laps and said “chicachehooo” at them. I love Bo. And umm, oh I talked to this boy that I’d thought was kinda ncie and well dressed and good looking and nice to me and laughs at my jokes and stuff so I’d kinda thought “hmm maybe” about, but it was too hard to sustain a conversation, and plus, I think I’d decided this week that I was really into this other boy and yeah, so like, that’d be cool and shit, except he was supposed to come but he didn’t. Still, I think that there was like, enough scandal and mania going on anyways, and you don’t even know the half of it. Also, my eyeshadow looks fuckign kickass today, as does the rest of me.

Okay man, like, $3.25 in coins and head to whomever brings me salted snacks first. It was just one joint, motherfucker! It shouldn’t show up under all this beer. Jezza and Nae are real funny when they’re stoned though. That’s all I have to say. Tomorrow I may or may not get a network and Sunday I gotta do coursework, so that’s ass sucking, but like, only figuratively and only on Sunday, cos like, how fucking 2000 are you?

July 5th, 2002

I’ve been reading through my old reports, because Mum found an envelope of them, and it’s extraordinary the story that they tell; at the American school I started out really smart and full of enthusiasm and blasting my way out of the remedial writing class they stuck me in thinking that I was a ‘dumb Australian’, and then as I got into seventh grade, comments read like “Joanna does not participate as much in class as she used to” and my marks start falling and there’s even “I believe underlying problems may be affecting her results”. Oh really? Underlying problems like ooooooh maybe I was being bullied every day, and I was fucking miserable and I wanted to die? Do you think that might have affected my marks. FUCK YOU to every single fucking teacher at ASIJ. Just looking at the reports, it’s so fucking obvious what was happening to me, and what the fuck did they do about it? Nothing. And my mother just now is like “Should we have taken you to a shrink so that you could realyl have fit in with those Americans?” Well, yes, maybe, Mum. Or maybe you could have spent at least one day in those four years not telling me how miserable you were, and tried to make things a little easier for me. This is so pathetic of me; this stuff was like, ten years ago, and it’s making me cry right now. I’m okay, I survived it all – thank god for Beth Dodd arriving at ASIJ in 8th grade, and for Lisa Gonser and Ryan Rimschnider leaving at the end of 7th grade.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.

Last night, I went around to Fatty Si’s house. We went adn got coffee at Midnight Espresson, and then rented DVDs – Zoolander and Nurse Betty. We chatted and hung out and stuff. It was cool. He said that a long long time ago, his girlfriend at the time, Heidi, used to worry about me before she met me, cos he talked about me a lot, but then she met me and thought I was super cool and loved me. As soon as you actually meet me, you realise that there’s no way I could take your boyfriend away from you, even if I wanted to, which I don’t, ever. Ladies, I am not a threat to your man! Statistically speaking, I am far more likely to score your girlfriend. I’ve only slept with one guy who had a girlfriend, and she was far too good for him anyways (as was I, which is probably one of the main motivating factors for me to do it, since it was in the six months I spent last year trying to reach rock bottom). On the drive home, through the wilderness of Wilton, I suddenly started feeling very lonely. It was a little odd.

Now I am sitting in the very warm lounge listening to the Topless Women Talk About Their Lives soundtrack (I love this album so much, although the current association i have with it is of a sweet boy’s white bum shining in the dark as he bent over to put it on at my request), and thinking about doing some writign that i told someone I’d do for them, which I wish I hadn’t. I’m too nice, I think. But my word is my word and I hate to let people down. Maybe I’ll work on it tonight when I come home leeringly drunk from “a quiet dinner” with KateB. We’ll go BYO, drink two bottles’o wine and see where the night takes us. I get to see my baby girl again, YAY. Then I just have to spend lots’o time with Karen, Anji, go visit Oma, see Fatty again, see Hulita, adn maybe call the Rimu Crew (Bopha’s old flat). It’s probably just as well that the Welly Massive doesn’t really seem to exist anymore – Ayna’s on holiday in Indonesia and Daniel moved to Korea to teach English, cos i probably don’t have the time and energy to take e and go out dancing for hours and hours and hours.

Wednesday, June 11th

Repeat after me: free stuff is good. Awhile ago, Clayton got a postcard in the mail inviting him to the preview of ‘About a Boy’ (you know, Nick Hornby & Hugh Grant type thing etc etc) which promised food and liquor before hand as well. Clay wasn’t home at the time, so I texted him with the hypothetical question “Hey, if you should ever get free tickets to ‘About a Boy’ would you take me?” and of course, he stupidly said yes he would, so I presented him with the card when he got home. Ha. It made me laugh a lot at the time, because just the day before, i’d explained to him that generally when girls ask for things, they already know if it’s possible or not (ie: “Clay, can I borrow a half a tomato?” “Sure, there’s one in the fridge” “yes I know, that’s why I want to borrow it” etc). So anyways, that movie was today.

But if we want to veer back in time, we’ll start at the start of my day, which was some time after noon, because my bed was just so damn comfy, and also I’d been up late talking on the phone to my Attention Seeking best friend in Chch (I swear, I’m so defensive lionness with cubs eh). I think it’s so important that there are people that i can say “I mango bleach” to and worry about The Hot Potato Syndrome and they know what I’m talking about. Plus our new insult for one another is “hey, stop attention seeking” which is funny if you know the context and potentially offensive if you’re the person I got it off, but hey it actually really offended me, so there. (And I think I tried to say that in person, but I’m always so much better at bitching about it after the fact). Anyways, so where was I? Oh yeah, day at home, doing housework. I cleaned my room! You can actually see all the concrete now, which is not necessarily a good thing. And I divided my notes up into their three topics, which is half way to starting studying, isn’t it? I don’t have an exam for a week though. Blah blah.

Around 5, Clay and I walked to Newmarket for the movie thing. He mentioned that Kara would probably be really pissed off that he’d taken me and I chuckled more that was polite but oh well. Then my arch on my right foot got really really sore, so I guess that was my punishment. The free food and liquor was at Lonestar, and there were masses and masses of people so it took ages to get a drink, meaning Clay and I only managed three each in the 45 minutes that we were there. The food consisted mostly of tortillas and dip. Waiters kept walking past with plates of ribs which we wanted, but they got put on other tables and we couldn’t be bothered getting up. Some nice ladies came along and tried to pick up Clay, and he felt all special cos he knew lots of people there from his work. I should stop laughing at him so much. The theatre was also really full so we had to sit too close, but the movie was really good. Hugh Grant is getting hotter as he gets older, which is disturbing, and the kid was so cute! I want a 12 year old son. (hmm, i should have been more sexually active in 1990 and not been concentrating on getting Mum to buy me Subway shoes and a peace necklace I guess).

After the movie, we went and got Burger King, which I instantly regretted and took a bus home. Bops and Leo were sitting in the lounge patiently suffering through Buffy because I was taping it (hey man, she’s coming back from the dead!) but as soon as it was over, Clay watched the soccer that he’d taped and I made lots of phonecalls to arrange my birthday dinner. I wanted to have it at Saigon, but they’re shut on Mondays so I’m having it at a Turkish place instead. Then I rang around trying to organise my friends, most of whom didn’t answer their phones – kate & kate, I’m looking at you here. I did manage to get aholdo Justin, who said he might come, and then we talked about Brand JK reliability, which is amusing. It’s where I do most of my shopping – so I put in a pre-order as well. Ha, fuck I’m terrible. And boring.

I put the wrong link in to my birthday wishlist last night, but it just occured to me that i have to say “Hey, if you’re my friend, and you’ve had a birthday this year, and I have been to your celebration, I hope you haven’t bought me anything, because I didn’t buy you anything and I would feel (a little)bad”. See, I do have a conscience after all. Last night while I was lying in bed I realised that when work finally DOES pay me, it won’t be the one week’s salary I was expecting, it’ll be FOUR weeks, and that’s kinda really cool. OH MY GOD! THEY PAID ME! I HAVE A POSTIVE BANK BALANCE! I haven’t had one of those since i left Foodstuffs. I can pay the rent, AND the phonebill now. I can even have a good birthday, and I can buy KateH drinks tomorrow night when we go out (except that you try so hard to not talk to me about reading my journal, so you can’t ask for them so HA!). And I can ring up WINZ and cancel the $50 a week they lend me which they’ll be cancelling in a couple of weeks anyways cos I will no longer be doing enough papers to qualify as a full time student, although apparently there’s something else I can be wot says I still qualify. Sorry. It’s just really exciting.

And that’s about me for the night, eh. My neck really hurts from that damn sitting too close to the movie thing. Maybe I should have a hot bath. I wonder if that’d help me sleep. It’s funny taking herbal supplements to make me sleep because they completely relax out my body so that it feels really heavy and sinks into the mattress and I can hardly move but my mind is still going a trillion miles an hour. I’m due for a bleed in a couple of days, and I’d know that even if wasn’t for the diane35 packet telling me. Midcycle I get mad protein cravings, and then I get sleepless and my breasts get fuller and look glassy and probably in two days time I will be really really sad and cry at the drop of the hat. It’s so interesting (to me anyways) watching myself change. Go womanhood. I bet you’re all just holding your breath until I get pregnant or some mysterious wasting disease and I write about that in great length every single day. Not that I’m thinking that any of you would wish disease on me, of course (because hey, everyone loves me, right?).

I thought of a new look for Hubris that I wanna do, but I have exams and secret things and charity work and momma’s site (still) to do first. But then maybe there’ll be a logo! And tshirts! And merchandise! And branding! Perhaps.

Friday the 8th of January, 1999
Penny and her boyfriend Graeme came around to see me this afternoon. He was like, old, and had a beard. Well, he’s 23 I think, but that just seems so old because in my mind, Penny will always be 15. He’s a navy guy too, and he was quite quiet. We showed him some of the drawings Penny did back in school of Ms Caldwell – naturally he was shocked. She’s a worry, man! Or she used to be anyways. It’s weird to think that she has a boyfriend now, because we were so single together throughout all of school.

In the evening, I went with Jo to a party in Te Aro. The house was up on a hill, and we had to park waaaaaay up the street because the road was so narrow and otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to park properly because I suck. The house was really cool, sorta half in the middle of renovations, but it was very styley. I had a glass of really yummy punch but that’s all I could have cos I was driving and it was leathel. So yeah, I was sober, which probably didn’t help much.

People were having such bullshit conversations, man, like “what do you think about about the pyramids”. God, three thousand years from now, will people think that the Sky Tower was built for religious reasons? I had to tune out of that conversation before I opened my mouth, so instead I zoomed in on a bunch of dishy guys. That was choice until they started talking about starwars. Am I just too cynical? Cos I swear to god, they were like getting turned on by the trailer for the new ones and shit.

Eventually I just went into this quiet room lit by candles and went and laid down on a sofa for like an hour, staring at a trippy screen saver. Then Reece, who was definatly my Eye Candy for the night, and this guy Jeremy who is friends with my friend Hulita, but who’s also in Vision, came in and started playing around on a music making thing. Yeah, good grasp of terminology there, Joanna!!! It was um some sampler& beat thingie or something. So they started playing techno on it, so I danced for a long time which was choice.

Yeah, that’s about it, eh. They were spinning some funky ass old hip hop in the red room, but there were so many Goths and boganny people that I didn’t know in that room. I’m sure goths are all nice as individuals, but they seem so set in their culture that I don’t belong to that they don’t strike me as being very approachable. You know what I mean? If you do, you’re doing bettter than me.

I shouldn’t drive around by myself at night, or space out and think. I’ve figured out too much about myself now, and I’m really not liking what I’m seeing. People have told me they like my journal because it’s happy – I guess that idea’s gone now. I’m so thinking of stopping doing this, or maybe starting up a second journal

Whatever I did on Monday doesn’t actually matter. I’m going to use this entry to write about my weekend. No doubt I’ll go into everything in glorious detail, and if you still want more after that, you could possibly check Jo’s journal, or email and ask me yourself. Loverly. Here we go.

Saturday morning, 9.11am. A train pulls into Ngaio station, and a blonde girl exits from a carriage near the back. A dark haired girl runs down the platform towards her, half skipping in excitement. They hug, and climb into the van driven by the dark haired girl’s mother.

It was like hitch hiking, really. Mum drove us to my aunt Diz’s house, where we went to wake up my cousin Jacinta – Jo got to meet her nose, cos the lazy tart hid under her blankets instead of getting up to be nice to us. Then Diz drove us (us being me and Jo – and that’ll apply throughout the whole entry, probably) out to Paraparaumu Station, cos she was going out to my grandmother’s house anyway, while asking us all sorts of questions about the internet. No, we’re not geeks, honest! At Paraparaumu Station, we waited for Simon to show up in his car car, and Brett to come in on his train train.

We finally got on the road by 11am, and I got shotgun all the way to Hunterville. In Hunterville, we stopped for lunch, and this place that claimed to be a cafe and bar but it so wasn’t. It was a tearoom/pub – and if you don’t know the difference, I’m suprised you’re on the internet. The lady who served us obviously doesn’t get out much because she told me not to break her crystal bottle when she gave me a plastic squeezy of tomato sauce. Jo and I were really tempted to get up and dance to whatever the hidi music they were playing, but we decided to flag because there were no locals there to scare – I can only perform when I have an audience. The good thing about Hunterville is that there’s a little statue of a sheep in one of the streets, so we clambered on that for a photo opportunity. Honestly we’re not sick in the head. Really we’re not.

Jo got shotgun then, and also got to play stereo-nazi. It didn’t really matter what got played, cos I could sing along to almost all of it, except Simon’s thrashindustrial crap. And I tried my best to sing that too. Yeah Soulfly, stacks of talent there. That’s cool though – I’m trying to be more open minded. I pitied Brett heaps, because I do believe he is a homie, and I therefore don’t think he would have liked much of our music at all. Plus he was so quiet compared to me and Jo, and even Simon. It’s so weird having a friend called Jo – if Simon wanted to talk to me he had to say “Jo…Anna”. I’m only Jo to my friends, whereas she’s only Joanna to special people. I spent so much of the trip looking at myself in the rear view mirror. Yes okay, I’m vain. It was just fascinating watching my lips move as I sang. I have a real problem with mirrors, because I get obsessed with my own reflection. Having a black background for this journal (which isn’t done for teenangst reasons, by the way) is a problem too, because I can see myself in the screen and I often stop typing and just stare, or sit puckering my lips. Wow, sharing that is like, really scary, more scary than anything else I could tell you, I think. That’s choice though. Go go Self Disclosure Girl!

We stopped again in Taupo, and walked to a cafe (a real one this time) so I could have coffee. The chick working there reminded me so much of an eighties relic, because of her perm, I think. I can imagine her being a aerobics instructor, in flourscent lycra, shooting up on steroids. But the coffee was good, AND I got a minature chocolate fish with it. We had to sit up by the bar cos that was the smoking area, but the other areas have paper and crayons on their tables. Walking out, I stopped to write my URL down, so we all scribbled ours, and ummmm I think Si and Brett put down porn addresses too. We’re such geeks. The thing is that none of us look like the typical geek. Si’s a retroboi, Brett’s a homie, Jo’s cool and me…. well I looked good too. I guess this is the nineties, and a wide variety of people use the internet now. All I know is that I never would have talked to Brett in school (we were in the same homeroom) because I didn’t think we had anything in common, but he’s actually kinda cool in a mostly quiet way. After taking photos in front of the Super Loos, we sped outta Taupo.

We stopped in Tirau really briefly so Jo and I could be photographed in front of a giant sheep shaped shop, and a dog shaped information centre. Once I’ve got my film developed, we’re going to make a webpage together documenting our trip – that’s assuming I get a scanner for Xmas. After Taupo, Jo was in the back seat, so we both sat there together fully drooling over 3D’s voice. Risingson has got to be THE sexiest song in the universe, along with Inertia Creeps and Karmacoma. I want him bad. If I ever met a guy with a voice like that, he could have me with just one word. We’re both really obsessed with him now, but as it says on Jo’s page, I get to marry him. By Sunday, our obsession had gotten to the stage that by the time Angel was drawing to a close, we’d both be in hysterics of anticipation, threads of saliva dangling out of the corners of our mouths almost.

Simon wanted to go to Te Aroha to pick up some computery things from a guy called James Spooner that he knew off Chat, so we did. However, he only had an ascii map of how to get to the guy’s house, so naturally we got lost. Well, not lost, because it was such a small hole, but we didn’t know where we were supposed to go. Naturally I had to ask for directions because no one else wanted to. The chick in blue blockers that assisted me was spot on, so we ended up at the end of James’s drive. Simon had no sooner driven into the curb (he drives well, but has problems parking) than James – or cmos as I know him from chat – came out with the cds. Talk about Rugger, man! He even had the collar on his rugby shirt turned up. I so didn’t want to meet him, so me and Jo decided to swap names – she was going to be Joanna and I’d be Jo. As we were getting out of the car, I tripped, cos my legs were tired from sitting (that does make sense, if you think about it for a moment) and so I started laughing. We introduced ourselves, but he so didn’t care, cos he was trying to wrangle an invite to the party. She whispered in my ear that he was playing dire straits so we started having hysterics – the boys all told us to calm down, but then I noticed there was a gillete lady sensor blade lying in his driveway and that was just the most bizzare thing ever so we laughed more and more. Mr Spooner was like “have they been drinking already?”. He thought we were literally on the piss, but we knew it was him who was. Driving away, Jo was like “collar down!!!!”. Such a loser was our cmos. He thinks I’m Jo now. I know this cos he told someone else that “wu, twiggy, joanna and some fat bitch” went to his house. I’d be really hurt, but no.

After Te Aroha, Jo and I achieved a great feat – the boys put the Spice Girls on for us. We were so impressed. I was impressed too that I can remember the dance moves for ‘Stop’, which Brad taught me. Four songs into the tape, we hit Paeroa, for the most important of all our touristy photos – in front of the giant L&P bottle. FAAAAAAANTASTIC baby. Then I asked directions from the lad in Mobil as to how to get to Gil’s house, and we found that easily. She gave me a mirror! I love her to bits. It’s a broken record and it’s truely cool. We heard Sublime being played upstairs – apparently that’s a very Paeroa thing, so yeah, we got in touch with the locals and all. Gil crammed into the back seat with me and Jo and of course we used the excuse of doing up our seatbelts to cop a feel. Well, we pretended we were going to, but I figure Gil was traumatised enough as it was. She didn’t know the Spice Girls, or the words to Garageland later either. She did however know a quick back route to Hamilton, so we flew down that, even if Si’s Honda accord isn’t a Holden V8 like she’s used to.

Eventually we got to hamilton and somehow found our way to Andee and Amy’s place. I tried to rush up there before the rest of the car to let them know that Brett and Jo were there too (they didn’t know) but I didn’t really have enough time. It was so sad, because A&A (I’m sure you can figure out who I mean) are moving out of their flat so there were like, boxes everywhere. Seton, their neighbour and one of the main attractions of that flat popped in for a chat, and so he got introduced to everyone. He is SO the man. Such a stud. A&A bitched at each other, and at Si lots. It’s their way of showing affection. I felt bad for gil and jo and brett cos I wasn’t sure how seriously they were taking it, but oh well. I warned Gil and Jo both the weekend would be nuts. Ren showed up, so that was choice cos I love her. Of course her and Andee weren’t coming to the partay, given that they were UNINVITED, but we won’t go there. Jo and I got all girled up – love my lilac eyeshadow long time. Gil was gonna, but then she didn’t. I so love getting dressed up, and I wanted to look good for the crazy party. After a food run to Caltex, where the crazy guy at the counter tried to lock Jo in, we had a couple of drinks (more specifically, I had two midori and lemonades and two shots of bacaardi that Andee gave me) and a bit of a chat. Eight people really filled up their shoebox flat! Then Amy and Ren drove us in their cars to Mark’s place. Us being me, si, jo, gil and brett, since as mentioned before Andee and Ren weren’t invited (not that they would have gone anyways) and Amy didn’t want to go. So yeah. I left my midori at the flat, cos I didn’t want it to all get drunk, so I only took along a bottle of red to share with Jo.

Walking in, the first person I saw was the looser named Tim (Jazz on IRC) who I took a bible to once (long story). EWwwwwww but I was like “Hi Tim” and sailed right past him. Jo knows him from the Undernet, and was waiting to see if he’d recognize her. Gil wasn’t so lucky – he waylaid her as the rest of us breezed into the back yard to talk to Mark. I didn’t realise she was gone – in fact, I forgot all about her – whoops. But eventually she managed to get free, and came outside too. She only stayed for like ten minutes though, cos her friend was having a party up the road, and that was probably less scary. I introduced Jo to everyone as my bitch, which was buckets of fun. I’d be the luckiest lesbian alive if it was true, and if I was – but I’m not. Jo decided to introduce herself to Tim, which was probably a bad idea, given that he spent like the rest of the night following us around after that. We realised that it was going to be a bit of a problem only having the one bottle of red, so I rang up Andee and her and Ren brought me my midori over. I had to wait for them in the driveway, and I was like, dancing all by myself. I thought it was funny.

Tim kept coming over like to talk to us, so Jo and I started hitting on one another, to see if we could drive him away, because he’s very homophobic. However, I think it just attracted him more. We certainly caught the eye of others! We did explain to everyone that we were just fucking with his head, but I think there were a couple of guys there who really wanted to believe I was a lesbian. We said something about snogging, and naturally Hugh was like “yes please”. Oh – apparently it’s not cool to pretend to be bi/lesbian because it undermines the work of the pioneers. I say having that attitude is what sets it back, cos how is pretending to be with Jo any different from pretending to be with a guy? I guess girls are sort of different though. Jo was being really stupid, so she asked me to slap her. I was like “can i really? can I slap you really hard?” and she agreed to it, so I did. The *SMACK* noise of it richocheted around the garden, and heads turned in exclamations of shock. I felt so guilty that I made her slap me back – and fuck it hurt! People were all like “REOW!!!!!!!!”. I do believe they thought we were mad. Hahahahah they probably would have been right.

Yucky Timmy Boy came to sit next to me, and I was so not impressed, so I put my hand on his knee and I was like “so tim, how about it?”. He started to say “yes” so I screamed, and ran away to Mark’s bedroom, where everyone was clustered around this chick called Annmaree. It’s so traj how all the boys want her. I don’t know what they see in her – her personality strikes me as bland, and she looks like Ainslie from Young Entertainers. Plus she doesn’t put out – so I have no idea what’s going on there. Anyways, it’s just sort of disgusting to watch. When Timmy followed us into there, Jo and I hid in Mark’s closet. Looking at the closet again in the morning, I have no idea how the fuck we fitted in there.

Friday 4th December

Can I just state now for the record that I love Jo Eaton? I’m sure I can. Yay, it’s so good to have that off my chest. She’s started a journal too, so I can live voyeristically through that. I’m not going to give you the direct link, but her homepage is here. Now that I have that off my chest, I can tell you about my day.

I was working in the Bakehouse Gallery all day. I sold one mug. Ooooh it’s a hive of activity that place. Actually, it sorta is, cos I must have answered at least twenty phone calls. It’s a shame that so few people come in – it really is a cool shop. But actually, I didn’t care, cos Jo came in and that’s all that matters. We were sitting yacking for aaaages (she said she likes to listen to my stories – someone must be paying her) and I was telling her all about the party that’s tommorrow night, High Jinks in Hamilton… otherwise refered to as the Rumble. She was like “I wish I could witness it” so, like on the spur of the moment, I invited her to come along. God knows why she’d want to meet my ‘friends’ other than she’s heard too much about them, but she said yes. She’s a braver lass than me, that’s for sure. Her mother was only going to let her go if Jo retrieved her precious stainless steel teaspoon from the Treehouse Cafe – luckily Jo did this, and escaped the Title Ultimatum. Does that make sense? To clarify, the title of this entry is the quote Jo’s mother gave her. But Jo got the teaspoon, so it’s sweetassbro.

So yeaaaaah, that’s going to be so cool. We’re going to Paeroa and stuff on the way, and we’re going to take billions of touristy photos – triffic! I so love being a tourist. Posing in front of the giant L&P bottle, and also possibly taking photos for my new web page, which is going to be hosted on Vision. Did I mention that? No, I don’t think I did. They like me, they really like me – or my writing anyways, so my application was successful. Wahooo. And people actually get rejected from it too. Warm fuzzy glows all round.

In the evening Karen came over for dinner – well, fish and chips anyways, and to watch Xena. I so love that show. Such class! To think I nearly got thrown out of a Film&TV tutorial for saying it was serious New Zealand drama. I know someone who’s going to be on it (you know who you are) – I’m so proud! Karen had the audacity to say on the way home that I had an overinflated ego AND a lack of self esteem – then she topped that up with “you just don’t want to hear the truth”. Bitch! That’s the last time I bake HER brownies. It’s okay, I know she was just doing honest teasing, like I always tease her.

Okay, and Memory for the day…… Jo goes to me today all worried like when I was talking about ASIJ “What did they do to you there?”. Ummmmm good question. I guess nothing’s good when you’re 10-14 anyways, and you live in a foreign country without your sisters, and you have no friends and you can’t fit back into the culture you came from. There was an actual psychiatrical term for me back then “third culture kid”. Rock on. I wanna be labeled with that tape stuff you can type onto. You’ve gotta know what I mean, cos I can’t think of the word.

One GOOD thing about childhood though, but this was pre-Japan, was “Ronia, the Robber’s Daughter” by Astrid Lindgren. She was the chick that wrote the Pippi Longstocking books, but this is a thousand times cooler. It’s about a girl who lives in woods inhabited with all sorts of gobliny things like Harpies and Grey dwarves, with a Romeo + Juliet esque plot, because her best friend Birk is the son of the sworn enemey of Ronia’s dad. Of course, they’re only eleven, so it’s really innocent, and it’s just beautiful. I found it on the bookshelf, and re-devoured it. It was always one of my favourite books, and rereading it was like discovering it all over. There was a really good film of it made in Swedish too. It makes me almost want to have kids so that I can share the book with them. So many of the games I used to play as a kid, and the stories I wrote were based on it. I used to be such the little tom boy, climbing every tree, having forts in lots of my neighbours gardens and stuff like that. I’m really lucky ‘cos our section backs onto lots and lots of square kilometres of Native Forest – there’s a jungle in my garden. I wish I was young again – I had so many adventures.

Ah well, tommorrow’s another adventure. Watch this space to find out how Hammy went!

xoxoxox