Hubris.co.nz

Wednesday October 25th, 2000

Hi. I’m in the Coramandel. It’s all very weird and doesn’t seem real at all. Me and Kate and Kini (!) had been sitting around eating waffles this morning and I was complaining that Kini was going away in a couple’o hours, and so Kate was like “Why don’t you go too?” And so here I am.

It was so strange yesterday, opening the front door to find Kini standing there, smiling at me. I started crying, I was so happy. She’s got astonishing abilities to suprise me, and she means so much to me, it was amazing. She’s like my rock, and to have her turn up on a day when I was really low – wow. Then I thought we’d only get to hang out one night, but now I’ve come to the coramandel too, we hang out more, yay.

This aparment is so light and airy, it feels soothing, just like Kini’s house. So I’m back in self therapy again? Nah, not that extreme, but it’s so nice to get away from the city. The drive to the Coramandel was lovely – hills covered in ferns, winding roads that weren’t TOO winding, and lovely sunshine. Life is good. This place Kini’s booked into is amazing as well – a two bedroom apartment, all new and clean with TV, vide, stereo and all for only $80 a night. I can see myself coming back here again. It overlooks the inlet, all boats bobbing around and still water. There’s a rest home across the street, and – a little morbidly – a graveyard just up the road, opposite the rest home. ” This is what you have to look forward to….”

I looked around the graveyard, and it was mostly very old graves from the late 1800s and early 1900s. It was so chilling, although it was bright sunlight and just off the main road – I half expected creatures to leap up through the earth and grab me, but I wasn’t afraid of them. I think I watch too much Buffy. One of the oldest gravestones underneath this huge tree had red roses scattered all over it, which on closer inspection seemed to be plastic. Wow, maybe even Tairua has a Goth Community.

I walked down on the beach, sand spongy beneath me. I paddled in the shallow warm water, jeans cuffed and rolled up. I picked lemons from the tree overhanging the driveway, and made lemonade. this feels wholesome. This feels good. So did the crisp blue and white striped single bed.

I feel a little bad for skipping town the day before our Dinner, but Maree can text me if she needs me. I’ll drive back early tomorrow – it’s less than two hours drive, and go do all the things I need to do at tech – like classes. After the dinner, I’ll knuckle down – honest! But for tonight I’m relaxing, and spending time with one of my bestest friends. So there.

Tuesday October 23rd, 2000

If you could see me right now, you’d see that I was grinning like a fucking idiot, and grinning away like anything. However, I keep my curtains shut just because of people like you, so HAH, you CAN’T see me. Genius.

My day was very very shitty initially – I spent 2 and a half hours at tech desperately trying to reach sales of 70 tickets, majorly stressing out and getting bored out of my tree waiting for people to come to me. By the time I left we’d only sold 62 tickets, and I was very very grrrrrrrrr, and feeling like a pathetic failure and all that, even with the last minute sales bringing it up to 65-66. I was just completely sick and tired of the whole dinner plan, and wanted to forget all about it and I didn’t even want to go anymore. However, I went to drop off the deposit to the DJ man, and he was lovely, so that made me feel better. A couple’o calls later, Maree was confirming our booking for 68 people. So that was cool. I had to go out to the supermarket then, to get dinner foods, and also to go and get a new phonecord, because our extension one was dead, and unless it was replaced, there’d be no Internet for me. Grr, so much for not spending money! But then, I came home, and was sitting at my computer, when there was a knock at the door. I went and opened it, and there was Kini, so I was like “oh Hi”.

And that’s when I realised that hey – there’s this girl I love to pieces from Australia who was supposed to be in Tonga standing on my doorstep, so I started screaming and squealing and laughing and crying and everything, and I was just a little overwhelmed. Wow. Yay! Wow! Yay! She’s only staying a night, but WOW! Hehehehe. She said she’d been planning on suprising me for a loooooong time – at first she was supposed to come over to NZ for my birthday, but then her shit got fucked up and my shit got fucked up, and I ended up running away to Australia to recover anyways. Still, she’d been planning this since like August, and I’m astonished that Leigh and Oh and Thomas and Justin never let on. What bastards! And also, YAY, because wow, I was so so suprised, and it just fully made my day. week. month. year. Basically, I’m so stoked to see her I’m almost about to start blubbering again just to write about it. I’m trajic, yes, but she’s very very special.

Anyways, Clay and Brad were very excited to see her too. So much so that Brad stood up Justin to come out to dinner with us at the Dog. That was lots of fun. We made up stories about everyone in the restaurant. Clay tried to convince us that the guy a table over was giving him the eye, and he said that if he got up to go to the bathroom, the guy would follow him. Naturally, we made Clay get up to test the theory – and coincidently, the woman at the other table followed him up, but not the guy. Clay was pretty upset that his gay bathroom experiance wasn’t a happening thing – he said “I feel bummed” and Brad and I just about wet ourselves laughing at his Freudian slip. Johnno was working, and he immediately apologised for not doing our dishes, and so i said he could cook us dinner instead, and he said “that’s fair enough”. He really is a nice lad – unless he’s just working extra specially hard to impress us all. Or both.

Back at home, I showed Kini a video of various happenings at our flat including me kicking out Leyton, Dancing Simon at Clay’s 20th birthday, Brad doing the Spice Dance, and our Survivor Party because she refused to watch Spiceworld with me (what a sick bitch). Then we did lots of crosswords with Kate B which was actually far more entertaining than it really sounds. She convinced me to take Kini to the Zoo tomorrow with a very very enthusiastic list of all the animals we’ll see there. I was impressed, even if there were no bears. Tomorrow also, I’m wagging tech AND ticket selling last minute duties – maybe I should let Maree know – because I wanna spend time with Kini before she drives off to the Coramandel (go figure). We’re going to have waffles and Cherry Ripe ice cream for breakfast, sensational.

YAY! See, I’m just so so so yay. Good England, really. I don’t know if I’ll sleep tonight, although I’m very tired – I’ll probably be smiling too much. I’m such a sap, it’s terrific. Actually, I’m kinda annoyed though, because my day’d been so crap, so I figured I’d come home and have a huge big cry, which I’ve been building up to for ages. I haven’t had a major crying session in months and months, and I think sometimes it’s good to clean out the system, but now I’m so happy I can’t do it, dammit. And if you think I’m psycho for wanting to be unhappy, you’re taking me too seriously, but hey, that’s your damage, not mine.

I heart Kini lots and lots and lots and lots and lots. I’m not going to let her leave. Not ever. No no. She can stay here with me forever.

“I have a cock in my mouth!” – Popular Kate

Monday October 23rd, 2000

I’ve been feeling really weird lately, like for the past couple’o weeks even, but I’m smiling lots right now cos I just got email from the Long Lost Hulita. Coupled with Penny ringing me the other day, and talking to Andee a while ago, now I just have to hope that Beth gets herself to a computer sometime and emails me from the states. I keep writing a list in my head of all the people that I’ve lost touch with that I want contact with again, and I keep meaning to put it online, but I never get around to it, so just briefly, if anyone knows Brittany Tobiason, last heard from in Olympia, Washington State, I’d love contact details.

I can’t really explain the weird feeling I’ve had lately – it’s kinda like loneliness, except that I’m constantly surrounded by the people I care about, so that doesn’t really make sense. I dreamt that I moved to Dunedin because I’m too comfortable here, and maybe that’s it – maybe I am too comfortable. I’ve been reading old diaries, from sixth and seventh form, and I think this kind of restlessness is something I have annually, especially when there’s tumultouous times ahead, like oh you know, the end of three years at AUT and being plunged into the job market. I’m kinda pretending like that’s not happening, and so I think I’m covering stress by being too complacent. Actually, I don’t know, I’m just talking out of a hole in my ass. I’m just really jealous of Kate B right now (so what else is new) and all of my other friends as well because I’m craving real intimacy. And a trophy. After seeing Kate’s mum all nervous before she met Johnno’s parents, I want a boy so that my parents can get nervous about meeting his parents. Heh, I’m such an awful person.

I’ve been listening to PJ Harvey’s new album “Stories from the City, Stories from the Sea” a lot today. It’s very good – different from “Is this Desire? Yes!” I find myself singing along to it very loudly. The shower’s great for singing in – when my flatmates are out, that is, because I sing VERY loud, and most of what I’m singing is not in my key. Especially not if I’m singing Fur Patrol’s new song ‘Lydia’. I’m excited about weta/fur patrol/shihad in Hamilton. I’m ever more excited about PJ Harvey and Placebo at the big day out.

There was a half hour concert of Placebo’s on the telly tonight. It made me cry, what a wuss. I really must get my shit together. I was stoked to see the bassist wearing a very pretty dress over a pair of flares. Good fashion sense. I’m reading ‘A Suitable Boy’ right now, which I think I’ve mentioned it before. I stole it from Karen, along with “No Logo” (I told her I was telling everyone about “No Logo”, and she said she did exactly the same thing after she read it – Naomi Klein has become her own brand now). Anyways, yes, so I thought it was Karen’s book, but then from the first page I knew it must have been Opa’s book, because of all the red pen notes and underlinings in it. So many of the books I got from him have that all through them – what an intellectual. I wish I could have written something amazing and made Opa proud of me.

Arrrrrrrrrrgh! This is absolutely driving me stark raving bonkers – I’m so full of regret about EVERYTHING lately, and I don’t know why, and I just wish that it’d stop so I could just get on with day to day stuff. It’s kinda like my petrol tank in my car – I always leave it running on empty, but so far the empty light hasn’t shown up before I put the next $5 in to keep it going. I’m not entirely sure that the warning light works anymore, so maybe I’ll just break down in the middle of nowhere and it’ll be kind of a suprise. See, even when I complain about my dumbass feelings, I write more dumbass drivel. This is insane, I’m going to stop writing now, and go and read my book instead.

Me: “I’m not married, how can you think that I’m not a virgin? What kind of slut do you take me for?” – Mum: “My daughter”

Monday October 23rd, 2000

So I’m at the TV studio now, not actually sitting and typing at my computer at home – but I guess I’m doing that too now. Woah, how freaky-deaky is that? Pretty trippy huh? Absolutely!

Sorry, I haven’t slept that much. No actually, I guess I did – 2-11 is pretty decent. I guess last night wound up pretty early. Why Joanna, what ever did you do last night? Ate. Let’s start at the begining.

Yesterday being Sunday and all, that meant that the Sunday lunch was on. Brad made us all toasted bagels. Well, by all I meant me and Brad and Clayton and Justin, because Kate B had to work. Justin’s such a freeloader, man! I’m sure him and Brad used to go be funny at JUSTIN’S house, but now he’s always @Garland. He likes to soak up our “savvy” atmosphere. Apparently. I bummed around for ages after lunch, Brad and I playing Married Couple sharing the sunday paper. Tabloid Tabloid Tabloid. Later when Brad got home from his parents’ house, and Clay got home from umm the beach, we all piled into my car, and went to the service station to pump up my tires. Wow, it’s actually really really astonishing what a difference a little air makes to how hard or easy it is to steer my car. I wouldn’t shut up about it. Then we went to Liquorking for (discounted) wine, the supermarket for bits and pieces, and the vege store for capsicums. Thrilling. You see, we were having our Survivor Dinner, and it was about fucking time too. Clayton, as one of the losers, was making Roast Capsicum Soup. Justin, as another of the losers, was making Vegetable Lasange, and Kate B, as the other loser, was making ambrosia for dessert. That is, if she ever got home.

Anyways, so Justin showed up, and proceeded to take over the kitchen after making us all drink Pims. I tidied the lounge some more, as we were expecting more company after Dinner because Brad and Justin’s first radio play was due to be played, and people were coming over to listen to that. Kate Benton rang and said she’d be home by 6.45 at the latest. Mmmhmm. That was a bad thing, because we were expecting people to start arriving by 7.30, and as they weren’t contenders in Survivor, they weren’t supposed to be part of the Survivor dinner. Kate rang back and asked and begged and pleaded if Johnno could come to the dinner too. After having yelled at Clayton lots last time he invited Kara when he wasn’t supposed to, it was a really hard call to make, but I, strangely enough, am fairly sympathetic to girls with boyfriends who are prone to enormas bouts of sulking, so when no one else objected, Johnno was given the go-ahead to attend, since he was also promising to bring more wine.

7pm arrived but Kate didn’t. Everything was ready, and I’d set the table beautifully – well, as well as I could given that we’re a student flat and not my parents’ house. I rang Kate at Johnos around 7.15 and she said she’d had a glass too many of wine, and was just chilling out a bit before she drove over. Robyn and Analise actually showed up before Kate and Johno, so we banished them out to the patio and sat down to enjoy the dinner, once Kate finally showed up.

And what a fabulous dinner it was, too! Mmmmmm, all the food was absolutely lovely, the company was divine and it was just all good. “Kama Hope” was funny, and all that good stuff, so yeah. Todd never showed up – apparently his car broke down. We were hoping that he’d show up at 7.30 exactly like he said he would, as Justin had said he’d eat his hat if Todd was actually on time. I really would have liked to see that. Kate Morrison showed up, however, and went to the patio too – not that we’re mean or anyhting. We made Johnno pretend to be Maree, as she was in hamilton and unable to attend, although she’d been a winning Survivor as well.

After dinner, despite having heinously full bellies, there was some dancing in the hallway, as per usual. Kate and Johnno were disgustingly sweet and even slow danced to Creed – awwwwwwwwww. I like Johnno cos he bought me pringles later – I’m so easy to please. Everyone ended up on the patio later, and we had really cool discussions about lots of stuff. Brad and I chortled a lot when Johnno was like “I can’t tell if you guys actually like Creed or not, because I saw you singing along with gusto, yet you keep making them the butt of your jokes.” Johnno and I argued about “Chasing Amy” some, because he thought the girl in it was a really strong character, but I disagreed. Clayton piked really early, closely followed by Kate M and Brad, then the girls went home. I stayed up drinking yet more red talking to Kate B and Johnno and Justin, but eventually, I was pretty tired too, so I went to bed. It’s kinda exhausting being with a couple who are so cute together, even if they’ve had their ups and downs.

Today I feel good and not hungover, although I’m starving but locked in the TV studios waiting for them to finish their rehersals so I can pimp to them. I will end this now and go read the herald, i think

ciao!

“I have a cock in my mouth!” – Popular Kate

Saturdday October 21st, 2000

So there’s vodka in between the “yes you look beautiful” and “go heavy on the lips and let the eyes speak for themselves”. It’s the vodka kini gave me, and more than anything i just want to move to the coramandel with her and think about nothing else in the world, but I can’t. Penny never answeers her phone, so I go out with Kate Benton. Vodka and a bottle shop, and I’m drinking imitation baileys at John Abbott’s house.

He’s out at first so Kate and I sit outside at first, her smoking and me reclining on the lounger. And then Mike’s there so we’re talking cartoons and Gummi Bears and I’m singing theme tunes. Then we’re talking lego, and I’m promising to only let my kids play with my basic bricks instead of that new commercial shit.

I just put ice cream away, sorry. It’s hard sometimes when yuio are drunk and thinking “it’s okay, I’m going to throw up anyways” to stop piggign out but yeah, ice cream back in freezer. Damn cherry ripe. Fuck my hand hurts, despite the ice that daniel/onyougo gave me.

So more people showed up at Abbotts, and I had to put aside the cosmo I was reading. I think we played Sexual Conotations but that was too ahrd to play along with so it switched to I Have Never and my god what a tramp I have become. I was drinking imitation baileys, did I mention that already? Eventually i had finished it all, and argued with Mike sodme more about limp bizkit, and a taxi van got called. I remember sitting in the back row, drinking abott’s vodka and calling him a cunt cos he was arguing with the taxi driver

and then we were somewhere in mount eden/ three kings and there were candles and it was supp[osed to be a fur party. O ut on the patio, someone gave me a cosmopolitan, and then some otyher cranberry drink that was in a staff room muig. And so that’s alcohol, which is fun, and I’m talkijng to mike for aages and ages about Europe. TGhen there’s running off to the abthroom, and a girl in a fur bikini sitting on a stool that I’m sure is straihgjt from a science lab. I throw up for a bit, because that’s what’s expected of me , isn’t it, and there’s pretty candles all over the bathroom. A nd cool paintings too. I talk to some boy in the toilet que too.

Eventually I’m done, so I run away from the deck down the stairs and I’m on the spa pool level I think, so I lay down and look up at the stars and clouds and stuff and chill out. Oh yeah, Kate B and I had been ahving big cries on the porch and I don’t feel like I can lump it all on her, even though I love her, or maybe because I love her, and I’m not very healthy, if you;’d somehow managed to not pick up on that fact. But it feels nice to lay out on the lower deck, so eventually I go back to the upper deck. I stop to relight a flare on the way up thou7gh, and somehow, I manage to seriously burn my hand. It really really hurts, and there’s black smut stuck to my hand, which feels much better when Daniel gives me some ice to clutch. Some girl says “come nad have a dance” but I’m clutching the ice so I don’t. Ice runs out eventually so i’m dancing, then we’re all outside, and I’m in a taxi, but it’s not a taxi van, so there’s not enough room for everyone so I get out, and the driver tells us to call a van ourselves, so Abbott’s yelling abuse, and Mike’s up a tree, and it’s all a bit much, but I get in a cab with Daniel and Le-at. Turns out Daniel isn’t even his name, it’s geddon, or something like that, damn Mike, never should believe a word he says.

So we’re in three kings, which means soon w e’re on Campbell Road, and I get the driver to drop me off on Ferguson Ave and walk the rest of the way home. AThis way doesn’t scare me at all, its’ on the other side of the street in the park that I have waking nightmares about, but not for the reasons that you might immediately think of.

Must stop listening to Blur’s “No Distance left to run”

“now i’m on zoloft because you told me I was crazy”

Saturdday October 21st, 2000

hehhehehe excuse me while I giggle some more. Brad and I have just finished playing Truth or Dare. It was highly entertaining. The difference between us is that he has a hard time thinking of things to ask me that he doesn’t already know, and I have a hard time knowing what surface to scratch at. He made the point that we’re really really different from each other, but I listed all tht ehings we have in common, which is basically televidion and our own special alanguage, so that’s pretty cool. He’s fun to play with. We were mostly playing Truth, and not Dare, because it was cold outside,a nd I wasn’t too willing to set myself up for anything too mental, because he knows I call his bluffs so he woulda set me some crazy ass challeneges if I’d chosen Dare. A ctually tho, I only chose Dare twice, and one of those was “go onto the lawn, take your top off and yell ‘I’m the king of the world’ ” – and so I did that easily, because how hard is that, especially when it’s dark on the lawn and not even he would have seen. The other was “email that guy and tell him you want to shag him again” and I was like “no way, I don’t want to, and I’m not going to open up that can’o worms again”. See, there are things that even I won’t do. Althoyhg the only Truth question I couldn’t answer was “Name the saddest thing that’s ever happened in your life”. Most of the questions were very very very easy to answer “Who was the best shag?” – hmm, let me think about that one for not even a millionth of a second. And yes I know who my bridesmaids would be! OOOOOOOOOH! Penny rang me today – she’s been in Canada. It was SOOOOOOOOO good to hear from her. She told me this chick Irena who I havent’ spoken to since 7th form sent her email telling her I was a lesbian – go figure.

Before that, earlier thsi morning, our landlady came around. She wanted us to keep the garden neater and clean out the anteroom, suprise supirse. She had baby twins – I want some!@ Later when no one was home, I went and laid on the lawn in t he sun in just a slip, soaking up some UV mmmm melanoma and reading ‘A Suitable Boy’.

This evening, I went with Kate B to a bbq at her aunt’s house on the North Shore, because her parents were staying there, and they’re kinda my parents too. Her dad would really fit best in a 1940s film, in a hat and suit, and a martini constantly in his hand. It was nice, getting a proper dinner, salads and all, and I really love Tim and Barb. It’s so cool how both Kate and I get on sooo much better with our parents now than we did as stroppy teenagers. Yay us. Barb told me off for traumatising Kate out of singing ever – oh well! At least I apologised for the whole red dress fiasco. I had a big argument with Tim about me asking what the wine was before I confirmed whether or not I wanted a drink. But then Kate and I left when they started watching the rugby – scary!

I came home and rang back Karen cos of a message on our answerphone. So we nattered for a bit, and then Bradley came home, so I went to play with him. Saturday nights are our Play Nights, basically. We got glasses of red wine, and started pla.ying cards, but neither of us knew all the rules to any games, and it kinda sucked, so we decided to do some more painting instead. I painted some folders, he painted his comedy book, and then we finished off the bear. Only, we had no more brown paint, so I tried to mix some up, and the bear ended up kinda half purple. Still, ti’s a slut bear, so that’s kinda appropriate, right? Slut Bear, Purple bear… etvc etc. Then clayton came home wityh some weird TV people, so Brad and I went to help Brad try on Kate B’s clothes (there was a point, really). he refused to let me make him over, so he made me over instead. hang on, where are the photos?

Okay, admittedly only one of those photos is me. He didnt’ do too bad a job of my makeup though, apart from breaking my favourite blue wine glass in the process. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, those were from japan, and they were fucking excellent. But I guess I shouldn’t get too attached to possessions. No really i shouldn’t. After the makeovers, we went on the net to look for Midget Porn, but found suprisingly little. Clay’s friends left, but clay felt too sick to play with us, whioch is how we ended up playing truth or dare, and that was fun, yes. What e;lse? Friday schmyday, I donb’t wanna write about that. I wrote in my redbook today for the first time since I left Australia, but I was so busy writing a 10 point synopsis of what’s happened since then, I had no time to add ress any currnet sissues. I knida lied to Brad when eh asked if Zi had a crush on anyone right now, but nah, I think I don’t want boy anymore cos of complications and stuff, so that’s not really a lie. I’m saving myself for marriage and littlre brown babies! Cough cough um no. Woah, my eyes really hurt – that’s rpobaby a sign that it’d be a good idea to go to bed right about now.

“I have a cock in my mouth!” – Popular Kate

Thursday October 19th, 2000

Oh yeah, two hours after my hypocondrical 30 days late inspired rant I got the familiar “owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!” intialising cramp and then started bleeding, so yay, Polysistic Ovarian Syndrome avoided for another month. I figure my next period will be either 7.5 or 10 weeks late, following current trends, so that’s a pretty big freakout window. Sweet ass bro.

Right, enough ranting about periods, although it’s astonishing how perky I’ve been today and yesterday despite cramps, because I feel healthy. I’m also feeling popular – there’s no way I would have had the gall to try and co-ordinate a dinner of the size we’re co-ordinating when I was in high school. Apparently the boy I’ve had a mini crush on since first year who’s dropped out now is coming to the dinner, which makes me far happier than it really should. Now all we have to do is actually get money off people who keep promising to bring it in. There was a minute of minor freakout on my behalf today when i realised that our last day of ticket sales was supposed to be monday, which is of course Labour Day so we have to extend it to Tuesday, but it’s Maree that’s doing the smoozing phone call to the venue, so why am I worried? Did I mention yet that I’m disturbed at how many people are voting for me as “Gossip Monger” ? I won’t win it, but coming second is bad enough. Me, gossip? Never!

Oh lordy, I had the realisation today that I might very possibly get a bad reputation nationally for something that I don’t hardly remember, but I guess I brought it on myself. Ahh well, live and learn eh?

I’m learning Quest in Instructional Design right now, which is, of course, astonishingly enthralling. Multimedia Broadcasting, however, is more exciting because we’re planning our live broadcast, and Joe Fisher’s in our group now. We’re planning an explosive expose on the expo. Fantastic.

This evening no one could be arsed cooking, suprise suprise. Well actually Clayton was busy filming stuff around our front door, and consulting with Justin over his script. Justin called Brad out to talk to them, but I yelled at him (I’m brad’s agent, you see) and told him that Brad was tired from mowing our lawn and if he wanted to talk to Brad, he could bloody well come into the lounge. I hope it wasn’t anything important he wanted to say, cos I didn’t back down. Anyways, me Kate and Brad did a tag team effort on dinner – Brad bought milk, Kate made batter, and I cooked the waffles. It was a brilliant dinner, I tell you. Problem is, I had coffee with dinner, and then I had a v and gin afterwards (poor man’s vodka and red bull) so right now I’m really really really wired, and want to go to Dennys. But there’s no one to go with. I’m actually kinda offended Clayton didn’t ask me to help out in his video. Ahh well, fuck him, I don’t need him, I have my tiara. And pig tails.

So what else is new in my life? I finished “No Logo” by Naomi Klein and I so so so recomend you all go and grab yourselves a copy and read it – it was absofuckinglutely fantastic, one of the most interesting books I have ever read. I’m now reading the longest novel ever written – “A Suitable Boy” and so far it’s good. I’m not that far into it though, but I will be, eventually. Especially thanks to this caffiene buzz.

Oh, we finished our website! We’re in the process of testing it now, a truely thankless task, so if there’s anyone out there with a Mac, or any other odd computer settings who wants to take half an hour to lend me a hand, please email me and I’ll send you some details. Ta.

What else? Oh, the landlord’s doing an inspection tomorrow, and so Brad mowed the lawn today, which is very impressive, given what a jungle our lawn was – Kini can testify to that, even if Kini chose to go to Tonga instead of taking up my offer to camp in the wilds of our lawn. We’ve kinda tidied up a little bit – actually we attacked the garden just last week, because it was a lovely sunny day and I wanted an excuse to dress Urban Peasant (I ended up looking like a woman in ‘The Gleemers’ apparently, and I forget who that’s by). If I do the dishes in the morning, stuff should be cool, except I didn’t know there was a message from the landlady on the phone, so no one might be home when they come around – hopefully I can sort things out with her tomorrow morning. I have forums to go to and pimping to do tomorrow, the boys are filming Clayton and Justin’s thingies, and Kate – well, who ever knows with Kate?

Brad: “When am I going to learn that you’ll always call my bluffs?”

Too much caffiene, too much too much too much. I’ll stop this here eh, before it gets even more gutteral. Oh! Conversation overheard in the lift today – a girl and a guy raving to their friend about how good Coyote Ugly was. And they were serious too. Good lord, what is the world coming to?????

“i’m being talked into seeing coyote ugly – help me joanna help help me joanna”

“I was going to make apple crumble but then I thought about how long it would take to peel all those potatos and then have to throw them out because that’s not how you make apple crumble

Tuesday October 17th, 2000

You know, sometimes I suspect that the Internet, and more specifically, having a whole web of information at your fingertips, is a really bad thing. I mean, sure it’s great when you need to write a gossip column and Creedwatch before tomorrow, such as I do now, but there’s other times when it’s not. Such as, when you’re vaguely worried about something, and someone suggests something so you go and look that up, and then seem to have all the symptons. And of course, then there’s a quiz just like out of Cosmo, count up the points and see if you fit in, and so maybe I should just go and see a doctor and have my mind put at ease. It’s too easy to be a hypocondriac with too much information. But I might still wait so that it doesn’t seem like I’m over-reacting too much, and besides, I’m broke, and yadda yadda. Besides, if I found out that I am in perfect health, what would I have to worry about then, besides oh you know, finding a job, getting a life and all of that?

I had no classes today, but I went into tech anyways to pimp. $30 a pop is pretty cheap, you know. Everyone’s talking about the dinner, which is very exciting. I plan on crimping my hair for it, which will take hours and hours, but should be worth a crack, Nigel. A lot of people are talking about coming in costume, which is fantastic. And we’re generating buzz about the awards. The Radio Majors have all voted for the same person in one catergory, and Nige was trying to bribe us but he didn’t show us the money. Maree and I have been super efficient selling tickets, really we have. I got ticket 001, but to be honest, I haven’t paid for it, nor has she paid for ticket 007. But we will! Brad asked if we had eftpos, so I was like “sure, swipe your card through my butt crack” and he was like “no, I meant your cleavage” so I offered it to him, he pulled out his card but at the last momemnt backed away. When I accused him of being a wimp, he said “but your breasts are so magnetic, I’m afraid they’d wipe my card”, which was a good call. I hung out at Global Sandwich for a while, keeping Kate M company and eating a sandwich from the French place inside Imax, naughty me.

We were supposed to have our Survivor Dinner tonight, but at the last minute, Justin canceled. This is probably just as well since Clayton had invited Kara, which he should not have done, as she wasn’t a contender, so why should she reap the benefits? And Maree couldn’t make it either. Still, Kate B was well annoyed that she’d bought the dessert ingrediants for nought. Kara asked me tonight if it was okay if she stayed for a week, which I found very funny since Clayton had already asked us and we pretended to hmm and hah over it while not actually having a single problem with it. Once you pop, you just can’t stop.

I had scary dreams this morning, a guilty conscience kinda dream if you will. Almost every guy I have ever scored or nearly scored was at this party, and I had all these weird conversations with them. One guy wouldn’t leave (again) so i had to get my friends to kick him out. I got way too close to another guy, which scares me, because lately I’ve been taking my cues on how to live my life from my dreams – my current crush only became apparent to me after I dreamt we were spooning and it made me feel really safe. But in regards to my current crush, I’ve decided that the complications make it too unworth it, and I can’t be bothered. So I’ll go be predatory somewhere else. Or I won’t – I had this scary vision of me twenty years from now as Housekeeper for all my friends, Alice in the Brady Bunch, without so much as even the hope that the Butcher will ask me to marry him. I told Kate B that, and she said I was far too special for me not to be found by someone, which was lovely of her to say, but I think she was just happy that I love her new haircut so much.

all walls are great if the roof doesn’t fall

Sunday October 15th, 2000

Icky, Kate was only in my room for like a minute and yet it still smells of smoke. Blaargh.

If you go to here and click on the Feature Story about AUT, you’ll see video footage of one of my assignments that I did – well, not MY actual piece, but what others did, and you’ll get to see Bob King my lecturer, and also Trevor, who’s in my group for both Project and Broadcasting. So there you go. Or off you go, or something.

I got up heinously early this morning because Andrea decided that it’d be fun to have a group meeting at 10am. Ick. But that was okay, cos her and I and Trevor decided to do our hour broadcast from the Multimedia Expo Tabloid Style, so that’ll be fun. Yes indeedy. Then I went and found Maree, and I made up the tickets for our dinner. They’re stunning, truely they are. God I suck at print work! So I printed them out, and hand numbered and signed every one of them. We went up to the TV Studios to distribute nominations forms since the TV students never deign to check their pigeon holes in the State building, and just to spread the word around a little more. Of course, no one had money to buy the tickets today, but hopefully people will get their acts together real soon. We also booked the DJ and got an invoice from the bus company and everything, fantastic.

Ayyeeeee Robbie. this amuses me muchly. But if I ever seem to be turning into a blogging kinda person, please do shoot me.

Clay showed us his documentary tonight about bFM, and it was really really good. I’m so proud of him! Brad’s doing a radio documentary on the Auckland Theatre Company, Maree’s doing PR for the NZ Ballet, Kate Morrison’s being brainwashed by the Hare Krishnas for her radio documentary, and what am I doing for my project? Wastewater systems. Thrilling.

All sorts of factors have been combinding to weird me out lately, like for example Kate’s mum ringing tonight, me having a big chat with her, and then her asking me to ask Kate to call home going “can you ask Kate to call Barb please – her mum” and I was like umm, I have known you since I was 5, I know who you are. Well, I found it strange anyways. But then again, I’m really really thirsty/sore throated and stuff, so I will go now.

we’re here just a little while

Sunday October 15th, 2000

I went to Shell this morning in my pjs for eggs and a newspaper. I made beer bread and apple muffins for lunch, and it was very nice. Kate Hamlin was over to watch Dawsons with Brad, and Justin HAD been over to be Funny, but he left just as I served lunch. But Kate B and Clay were there, so it was party of five, only I hated that show. I’d only had about five hours sleep though, or less cos I got woken up at 10, and I’d gone to bed around 5.30am.

Yesterday day was very boring, doing nothing. Clayton and I decided that in the evening we’d go for a picnic in Cornwall Park and hope we weren’t attacked by chickens like the last time. But then we couldn’t think of anyone to come with us, so we decided to flag. I was having a really dumb boring evening, even though I was reading my great book – No Logo – so I decided to call Andee, who I haven’t talked to in aaaaaaaaages. So I did, and by the time I got off the phone, one of my ears was ringing from yelling so much.

Andee’s so much fun to gossip with. I told her about how when I’d been going through my 7th form diary looking for dates for my memory ring I’d come acrosss all these little conversations from IRC I’d written down, so we ended up having a total reminising session – as we always do, basically. That meant we both ended up yelling “PHANNIE! PHANNIE!” so much that Clay knocked on my door to see if I was okay. We both decided that we’d drop everything and move to Christchurch if he just said the word, and she was jealous I knew his middle name and never told her. Plus I got in trouble for some old scandal with morphine matt etc etc etc. Blah blah blah. If you’re Charlotte or Amy or Fiona or Hulita you’d be laughing right now cos you’d know what we were talking about. But if you ARE any of those girls, why haven’t you emailed me? Happy 21st Charly baby. Anyways. I really miss the old days, like in first year when I’d go to Hamilton like once a month, and drink instant coffee with three sugars and milk or cheap bubbly with Andee and Ren and Amy if she was ever around, and we’d go to Mark’s place, or Scott and Hugh’s, and just have fun. I’m hopefully going to go down to Hammy on Novemeber the 17th to go to Weta, Fur Patrol and Shihad with Andeee at the Hillie, and we decided that we’ll also drive around Hamilton with the windows rolled down calling out “Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh!!! Huuuuuuuugh! Can I borrow your lip balm?” until we find him. Heh. Oh to be 17/18 again!

Anyways, eventually we wound up our conversation, and Brad was home from work at that stage. Me and Clay were sitting at the dining room table to keep him company while he ate his dinner, and we were each having a drink, and I was leafing through my 7th form diary again and chuckling at my complete IRC obsessions. The boys were like “What’s that?” so I explained and read them a page, which made them laugh a lot, and they asked me to read more, so they did. I actually had a printout of some logs with MM from when he told me he kinda fancied me, so I gave them that, and oh lordy did they ever giggle! And I did too, fucking hilarious man, so sweet and naive and all. I so wanna be 17 again! But actually no, the process of getting from sweet and innocent to bitter and jaded was kinda painful, and I’m not too willing to go through all that again. Sorry, I’m rambling, like I said, I’m very very tired.

Anyways, we went to the supermarket for bread and hummus, and more carbonated beverages, and went back home for a big Show & Tell session. Clayt brought out his sticker books and cartoon sketches, Brad had some book his ex girlfriend made for him, and I also had my sixth form diary, and first year diary – which isn’t very full, admittedly. I pulled out the big guns, and read them New Years Eve 95/96 so that they could finally learn the whole story to the “Your Hair is Choice” thing, and after that, Brad said he didn’t think he could hassle me about it any more as the context makes it much much sweeter than they’d originally thought. But there’s still plenty of other stuff they’ll hassle me about though. So we drank and drank and gossiped and reminicsed. Both Brad and Clay keep all their old movie tickets, so they were going through those and stuff. At one stage I went into the kitchen and realised that between the two of us, Clayton and I had drank nearly an entire large bottle of rum – he was pouring so I think they musta been very strong drinks. I was shocked. Then we went to the hallway to dance. Creed came on, so I had to raise my knee, but since there were no chairs, I put my foot on the wall. I was wearing really stretchy bootlegs, so I just kept sliding my foot up the wall until it was about over my head kinda. The boys were very impressed, and also understandably a little scared. I’d showed them previously that I can get my heels over my head – in a non sexual context that is. We were still dancing in the hallway (Clay has a new stereo which is very loud) when Kate B came in crying, which was very sad. I took her to my room and had heart to hearts. Then when I went to get her a drink, Brad told me to break out the good gin. He caused a minor scandel at his household, you see, for buying Seagers Gin which he can get for $10 a 700ml bottle through some freak staff discount thing (smaller bottles are more expensive), but his mother said that him drinking Seagers would make his grandmother turn in her grave, so she bought him a bottle of Gordons instead. Anyways. So we sat and listened to Kate for a bit, and made her laugh and stuff which was good.

Then Spiller came on, so Clay and I went to the hallway to dance, both very drunk. I don’t know what happened, but somehow he was on the floor but I didn’t realise, and I tripped over him, and there was screaming and oh, it was just a great big mess. Kate and Brad came into the hallway then too, and so we all danced for ages, swapping partners at IRC rates. This morning, I think it was Brad that described it as a ‘Dance Orgy’. Then we all went outside for a while. Kate and I were both on the comfy sofa outside which we’re actually going to move inside in exchange for the uncomfy blue one. Or rather, the boys are going to swap them, in exchange for Kate clearing up the thousands of mugs she leaves outside. That’s the plan anyways. Kate and I actually talked about how she knows that she’s messy, and I know I’m too anal and stuff, and it was a big “but I love you!” fest. And I apologised for being grumpy with her and Clayton sometimes when I’m in a bad mood and it’s not their fault. I’m never grumpy at Brad though, cos he knows not to ask me about my day if I’m looking cross, and just concentrates on watching TV with me. It was such a lovely flat bonding session. The boys even said that they might possibly consider taking drugs with us at some stage. Not that we peerpressured them into it or anything. I love Kate so much, man – from the 6th form diary came a tale of how she stopped me from getting in a car with a drunk driver once and stuff. Then we realised it was 4.30am so the boys went to bed, and Kate and I went a little later.

So you’re caught up now, I think. But oooh! I do believe Brad actually wrote me a journal entry in the bible last night. I must go see if I can find that.

ain’t no party like a garland party