Thursday October 5th, 2000
My first thought when I woke up today was “oh yeah that’s right, I’m in Bucklands Beach” and my second was “Oh god I had a big conversation with someone about rimming – now who the fuck was it?” If only Brad’s dad worked for Absolut instead of Coruba, I’d feel a whole lot less sick today. Still, who’d look a gift horse in the mouth? When I was talking to Justin this morning, he was like “yeah, you already told me that last night” and he listed other things that I don’t remember. I was really disturbed today by an answering machine message from Shirls going “how are you feeling today hon? you were quite drunk last night” so I rang her up and she said that I was very loud, but very entertaining. I could keep telling this story from other people’s perspectives and pretend like I have no recollection of the actual events myself, but that’d be lying. I do remember, and so I can tell you for myself. So there.
Yesterday afternoon, I drove Kate to the ferry so she could go to a big in-law gathering on Waiheke. Actually, she drove in, and I drove her car home for her. There was an awful lot of traffic, and her car’s all boy racery with super sensitive pedals, so I was revving all over the place, nevermind. As soon as I got home, I had to throw some clothes in a bag, and Brad and I headed East. His parents are away, you see, so he planned a slumber party at their house. I of course, am completely offended that he only has us over when his parents are away – like he’s ashamed of us or something. That’s fine, I know if i marry him (which I’m going to have to do, cos we just realised today that if we have kids, we can make them dress in animal suits!!!!!) I’ll get to meet them then. Anyways, our first port of call was Blockbuster in Pakuranga – or is it Botany Downs? Either way, it was very Vegas. I was very tempted to go up to the counter and ask where the porn section was, but I managed to restrain myself. We ended up getting “Night of the Living Dead” and “Jawbreaker” which billed itself as Clueless meets Heathers. It stars mrs marilyn manson, don’t you know. And I think he cameos in it. Not that we actually ended up watching the movies, but that’s jumping the gun a little bit. Then we went to the Botany Downs Foodtown for junk food. Oooooh! I have such exciting news. Greenlane Foodtown has just become 24 hours. We’re all very impressed – except that its liquor license doesn’t run from 12am-8am. Anyways.
So to Brad’s parents’ house we proceeded. He gave me the grand tour, and gave me a drink, so I proceeded to rumage through his kitchen to find something to cook for dinner. Ahh macaroni and cheese, what a classy dish you are. Shirley and Peter arrived while I was cooking, so we all sat down to dinner together, and for some reason, because the dining table was round, it felt very Brady Bunch. Nigel showed up with a box of lion red, so we all laughed at him lots, and decided to play Trivial Pursuit. It was the Young Players Edition, which made it even more interesting that you’d think. We were all astonished when Shirley couldn’t straight away answer what a country that shares its name with a bird that you eat was. “Have you been to Chicken lately?” I was very proud of myself cos I got three pieces of pie in one turn. We decided that whoever lost (ie had the least pie when someone won) would have to go swimming. Brad won, and Peter lost, but we said he could get drunker first before we made him get in the swimming pool.
Shirley and I played Nigel and Peter at pool, and lost solidly, because I suck. However, I can pretend like we were sharking them, just waiting for them to put money on the game. Kate Morrison showed up sometime then (today Brad and I decided to call her Beaver from now on, because on the mental awareness ads with a rollcall of depressed celebrities, there’s a Beaver Morrison and we have no idea who the fuck she is. so if you know, do email me). For some reason we started talking about babies, so she and I cried out at the same time “I want a little brown baby!”. Buffy was on then, and I tried to watch it, but I just have absolutely no attention span while drinking, so instead I went and talked to Brad and Justin. Once the tv show was over, we all went into the other room to play 3 Man. So that was entertaining. We found that Lion Red was slightly more drinkable if a) you were already drunk and b) you put a slice of lemon in it and pretended it was Corona. Peter was the 3 man most of the time, while Shirley drank a lot of water, something I should have been doing. Anyways, eventually we gave up on Threeman, and thought we were gonna watch the Zombie movie. But people drifted away from that because it was crap, so we played more pool. All night I’d been saying that I was going to go swimming, so eventually I decided that I would have to. Quite apart from anything else, the pool all lit up looked absofuckinglutely lovely. I borrowed a tshirt from Brad’s brother to wear over a slip, and went in. I think i was pretending to be Ian Thorpe or something. It was very very very cold, because the pool wasn’t heated. But still, I love water. I loved the hot shower afterwards too. It felt really strange cos I was still wearing my clothes when I got in the shower, and that felt very very sensual. I should shower in clothes more often!
Pajamas went on after the shower, and I realised that I’d be sleeping in Brad’s parents room instead of the double bed in the spare room that I thought I’d nabbed, because Brad and Kate didn’t want to sleep in his parents bed. I remember back in high school, whenever we had parties with absent parents, it was always Sarah and Dylan that took the master bedroom, as they were our token couple. Anyways, most of the people had already drifted off to bed, so I stayed up playing pool with Nigel and Peter, talking too loudly apparently, and being rather crass, as you do. Or rather, as I do. Eventually they crashed out in the lounge, and I went to bed, to fall asleep straight away.
I woke up around 10am today, to the sounds of people leaving and other people tidying, so i decided to linger in bed. No matter how hard I wished for it, no one came in with a glass of water for me. People are so inconsiderate these days. When I remembered the things I discussed at the start of this entry, I started giggling lots. If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s giggling. Anyways, I made the dumbass mistake of tumbling out of bed to walk into a kitchen where eggs were being poached, so I realised just how queasy I felt. Green tea was good then. I got to read the fantastic local Howick paper, which amused me greatly. Justin thought I called Brad “Kitten”, which I didn’t, but we decided we’re going to call him that from now on anyways. We put all the empty bottles into Brad’s car, as there is no recycling bins for people who live in Manukau. That felt very teenage too – removing the evidence. As we were driving home, Justin was driving in his car too, and he was following us far too closely, so I found a piece of paper and a pen in the mess in Brad’s car, and made a sign that said “Get out of my ass (and into my car)”. And then we made more signs, with really intelligent things like “Justin is gay” and “Justin has a small penis” on them, which amused us greatly. My favourite sign was “go on, go on leave you speechless” which is probably a bit of an inside joke, but it’s a take off of the Corrs latest song, because mocking Justin for owning the Corrs is a favourite past time of the Garland Gang, plus it’s very seldom that I’m able to leave him speechless (although telling him I shagged someone he went to high school with very much floored him).
We got Wendys on the way home, but it didn’t make me feel much better. I spent the rest of the day being online far too much (I’m hooked on message boards) and sleeping.
“blaaargh tom, make my head stop feeling dumnb”
“give your head to me, you’ll feel better then”
you want me to give you head?
“oh, well, if you’re offering anyway eh”
“oh yes, fresh semen in the belly – just the thing to settle a quesy stomach”
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