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	<title>Hubris.co.nz &#187; i kissed a girl</title>
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	<link>http://hubris.co.nz</link>
	<description>An online journal since 1998</description>
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		<title>Cleavage</title>
		<link>http://hubris.co.nz/2010/07/cleavage/</link>
		<comments>http://hubris.co.nz/2010/07/cleavage/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 12 Jul 2010 10:32:30 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>johubris</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Journal]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[birthdays]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[books]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dressups]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[heather]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[i kissed a girl]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[illustrated]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mm]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[moving]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ngaio]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[parties]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[thomas]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[work]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://hubris.co.nz/?p=2935</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I’ve moved back to Ngaio and I’ve started reading books again. I read more than half of Cleaving in one sitting. I thought I had identified with Julie Powell before in Julie &#38; Julia as she worked a boring job, made friends on the internet, watched a lot of Buffy and got drunk frequently. But [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p lang="en-NZ">I’ve moved back to Ngaio and I’ve started reading books again.</p>
<p lang="en-NZ">I read more than half of <em>Cleaving </em>in one sitting. I thought I had identified with Julie Powell before in <em>Julie &amp; Julia</em> as she worked a boring job, made friends on the                 internet, watched a lot of <em>Buffy</em> and got drunk frequently. But in <em>Cleaving</em> as she pines for her lover or ex lover, whatever state their relationship was in at the time, as she talks about the sex that they had which was unlike any she’d ever had before, as she sought out anonymous terrible fucking that she told her lover about afterwards in an attempt to make him jealous  – well, I lived all that too.</p>
<p lang="en-NZ">I worry too that I will never have another lover who will make me lose all control the way that you did, that I will never spend weeks at a time in a permanent state of arousal, driven into a fever by your emails and text messages and story telling. I worry that no one will ever put their hand on my leg while I am driving the way that you did, which almost made me crash my car. I’m afraid no one will ever lock me to them with their kiss. And while there are other people now who can make me come, multiple times, and maybe they fuck me harder than you ever did, it’s not the same. And yes, then I remember that there used to be Thomas, and that I used to think I would never love anyone like that, and now I am “who?” what?” about that. So one day, you will be gone from my mind but for now, there is just passive-aggression, and emptiness, and because this is Wellington I see you everywhere, but we don’t talk and I miss you.</p>
<p lang="en-NZ">There have been parties. There was my birthday Triple X party, in which a rollickingly good time was had by all. <a href="http://promenade.co.nz">Heather</a> came down from Auckland for it, and we spent lots of time together hanging out and watching <em>Veronica Mars</em>. She took the rest of the DVDs up to Auckland with her and has been making me giggle with her “OMG!” text messages as various things happened throughout the series. But back to the party. I kissed a lot of pretty ladies, both in the kissing booth and out, which is always a pleasure, and never a chore. I went as a Doctor of Fuckology, and had a clipboard full of hypothesis. <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/johubris/tags/hubrisxxx/">Here are some more photos</a>.</p>
<p lang="en-NZ">
<div class="wp-caption aligncenter" style="width: 385px"><img title="Many of the things that I expected to happen did" src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4138/4738340312_600cfca51e.jpg" alt="Many of the things that I expected to happen did" width="375" height="500" /><p class="wp-caption-text">Many of the things that I expected to happen did</p></div>
<p lang="en-NZ">
<div class="wp-caption aligncenter" style="width: 510px"><img title="Sisters" src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4094/4737405361_f4bac0373c.jpg" alt="Sisters" width="500" height="375" /><p class="wp-caption-text">Sisters dressed up to party</p></div>
<p lang="en-NZ">I also <a href="http://www.fullcodepress.com/2010/06/19/from-a-volunteers-perspective/">volunteered again at Full Code Press</a>, but I will probably write about that on joannamcleod.com instead of here.</p>
<p lang="en-NZ">On Saturday night <a href="http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=226845&amp;id=652042078&amp;l=4aaaee67c7">I went to a B party at Anna Jane’s house. I was dressed as Beth Ditto</a>, and while not that many people got that, they did get lectures about Health At Every Size and other fat activism.</p>
<p lang="en-NZ">
<div class="wp-caption aligncenter" style="width: 510px"><img title="Karen and I" src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4120/4786325266_e3b4c09bec.jpg" alt="Karen and I" width="500" height="375" /><p class="wp-caption-text">Karen as Barbarella, me as Beth Ditto</p></div>
<p lang="en-NZ">The<a href="http://hubris.co.nz/2009/12/this-dont-even-feel-like-falling/"> girl that I kissed at the Wellingtonista Awards</a> was there, and we hung out and I told her that I had stopped talking to her because I don’t want to be her friend, I want to be her lover, and it was too frustrating to follow her tweets about wanting to get laid when I was waiting right there to do the job for her. I ended up feeling more than a little like a date rapist because after we kissed, I wanted to kiss again, and she said no, but I heard that as “maybe”. Frustration. I should know better. It was nice though, that she said she heard I was amazing in bed (I am!) although I wonder who said that to her, because our Eskimo bond constantly tells me I was a terrible lay.</p>
<p lang="en-NZ">
<p>I haven’t talked about moving, because it was horrible and culminated in me cleaning until almost 11pm last Sunday night, then getting 100 metres down the road in my car with Seb in a cage and discovering that I had a flat tyre. My father had to come down from Ngaio to help me, which is lucky because as it happened, my jack was missing the turning bit anyway. But now anyway I am safely back in the parental bosom and took them and BAMJI out to lunch at Osteria Del Toro to thank them for all their hard work. Seb has settled in wonderfully, and I have put my DVDs into order of colours, but all the blackness of my sizeable Whedon collection throws things off somewhat. I spend my time at home watching many episodes of <em>The West Wing</em>, and teaching my dad how to play Wii. In the mornings we take the train together and I get coffee at Sweet Fanny-Anne’s. Work is work. Getting paid is nice.</p>
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		<title>two thousand and zen and the art of self maintenance</title>
		<link>http://hubris.co.nz/2010/02/two-thousand-and-zen-and-the-art-of-self-maintenance/</link>
		<comments>http://hubris.co.nz/2010/02/two-thousand-and-zen-and-the-art-of-self-maintenance/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 08 Feb 2010 09:35:45 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>johubris</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Journal]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[blogging]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[depression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[drunk]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[family]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[i kissed a girl]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[job hunting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[kim]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[laura]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[megan wegan]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[parties]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[periods]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[PPP]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[pure joy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[video]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[webstock]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://hubris.co.nz/?p=2779</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[You will be pleased to know that I officially don&#8217;t have tuberculosis. I had my follow-up follow-up today and I&#8217;ve been given the all clear. This means I don&#8217;t get to die romantically of consumption while Anne of Green Gables nurses me, but I suppose that&#8217;s for the best. You will hopefully also be pleased [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<ul>
<li>You will be pleased to know that I officially don&#8217;t have tuberculosis. I had my follow-up follow-up today and I&#8217;ve been given the all clear. This means I don&#8217;t get to die romantically of consumption while Anne of Green Gables nurses me, but I suppose that&#8217;s for the best.</li>
<li>You will hopefully also be pleased to know that I am the very grateful recipient of some funding from <a href="http://midnightnote.baseofoperations.net/">The Midnight Note which will partially cover the cost of my attendance at </a><a href="http://www.webstock.org.nz/">Webstock</a>. I know of three people who wrote lovely letters for my nomination, but there may have been more. I am well-loved by my community, apparently, and that is a beautiful thing.</li>
<li>I have discovered over the past couple of weeks just how lucky I am to have the wonderful friends that I do. There was a thing that happened, and it brought back all the anger and emotion that I&#8217;d covered up last year and it was a really really difficult time. I seriously considered moving to Auckland just to get away, but luckily attendance at Princess Camp made me play &#8220;Run this town&#8221; many times in my head and I realised that actually, fuck yes I do.</li>
<li>Miss <a href="http://cupcakesandmace.com">Kim Cupcakes &amp; Mace</a> stayed here at Immoral Terrace on and off for the past couple of weeks while she was looking for a flat, and it was so lovely having her here. We had LAN parties and cheese and watched DVDs and stayed up late giggling about boys every night. It&#8217;s a bit weird not having her here anymore, to be honest. I am really glad that I could help her out of a jam, and she definitely helped me out too, not just by buying Seb cat food when I was broke but also making me a happy Jo again.</li>
<li>If I could find my other knitting needle, I would use it to remove my uterus right about now. I cried every day last week, including two different occasions at Hooch, and today I am in total fricking agony and bleeding like a stuck pig. I should go to the GP to ask to be refered to a gynocologyst, but that&#8217;s money that I don&#8217;t have. It wouldn&#8217;t be a hubris update without me talking about my period though, would it?</li>
<li>A lot of my friends have been going through difficult times. We had decided that the first two weeks of the year didn&#8217;t count because they were just the hangover from 2009, but two thousand and zen has taken a while to get going. My main drama, apart from the thing that knocked me flat on my ass for a couple of weeks is the ongoing job hunt. I got very close to a job that I really wanted, reference checks and everything, and because they took a while to get back to me I dared to dream about what it would be like to actually have an income again, which of course became a big let-down again. I hate that my friends have had crappy-ass times, but if it had to happen, I&#8217;m glad that we&#8217;ve had each other to go through the crap with.</li>
<li>I almost left the house for a night this summer to go camping, but it was raining in the Hutt so we camped in Amie&#8217;s lounge instead. Princess Camping for the win! We had tremendously good times.</li>
<li>I went to a random hipster party in Roseneath where we sat in an empty room and played a variation of Truth or Dare. I went to a keg party in a big flat on Cuba Street where goths went without makeup, a kitten romped around and that nice girl from last year kissed me again although it&#8217;s against her rules, which I don&#8217;t understand. I went to a couch-surfing gathering in Mount Vic where I drank gin and played Animal Motions. There have been tiki shacks here, and macaroni parties at Laura&#8217;s. There&#8217;s also a <a href="http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=305158092544">Pretty Pretty Party coming up on March 6</a>. It is hard to be as entertaining as I want to be when I lack the funds so drastically.</li>
<li>My family has continued to be awesome and supportive. BAMJI took me for my first swim of the year, and last night we had a bigass dinner at Hazel for Mum&#8217;s significant birthday. It was lovely. I should review it for the Wellingtonista sometime soon.</li>
<li>Still loving my flatmates. And I&#8217;m super excited that Kat &amp; Kane are coming down next week. Not to mention WEBSTOCK! And I have a fabulous frock from <a href="http://meganwegan.blogspot.com">Megan</a> to wear, and I leant one to <a href="http://supervery.com">Sue</a>. What goes around comes around, hurray!</li>
<li>Oh, and finally, <a href="http://joannamcleod.com/my-predictions-for-2010/">I spoke at Bloggers Predict</a> the other week, and you can watch the video of it here:<br />
<object id="viddler_668a09f5" classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" width="437" height="288" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="src" value="http://www.viddler.com/player/668a09f5/" /><param name="name" value="viddler_668a09f5" /><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><embed id="viddler_668a09f5" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="437" height="288" src="http://www.viddler.com/player/668a09f5/" name="viddler_668a09f5" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always"></embed></object></li>
</ul>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>This don&#8217;t even feel like falling</title>
		<link>http://hubris.co.nz/2009/12/this-dont-even-feel-like-falling/</link>
		<comments>http://hubris.co.nz/2009/12/this-dont-even-feel-like-falling/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 18 Dec 2009 13:19:49 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>johubris</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Journal]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[bad tom]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[chiara]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[crushes]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dancing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[drunk]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[good tom]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[i kissed a girl]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[karaoke]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[kim]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[laura]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mighty mighty]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mm]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[pure joy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[shirley]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[T4WA]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[wellingtonista]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://hubris.co.nz/?p=2771</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[It turns out that I can throw a pretty good shindig. The Fourth Annual Wellingtonista Awards were last night, and it was a fantastic time. I&#8217;m so proud of all the work that I and others have put into that site, and it&#8217;s paid off in bucketfuls. I&#8217;ll no doubt do a proper post about [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>It turns out that I can throw a pretty good shindig. The Fourth Annual Wellingtonista Awards were last night, and it was a fantastic time. I&#8217;m so proud of all the work that I and others have put into that site, and it&#8217;s paid off in bucketfuls. I&#8217;ll no doubt do a proper post about it over on that site, and round up pics and stuff like that, but suffice to say, oh my, so much love. It was fantastic to have lots of people who were nominated actually turn up, it was great to have Sally from Mighty Mighty to accept their billion awards that they won, and to have Shirley up on stage to accept for her identical twin Ev from Slowboat, to get to talk to James about how far we&#8217;ve come since the site started, to see<a href="http://thebackyard.blogspot.com"> Jessie</a> again, to have Tom prove yet again what a gentleman he really is by keeping me in drinks when I thought I lost my eftpos card, to get to swap meaningful looks and sideways smiles with someone and have that be cool, to dance with Chiara and Theresa and Julie in pseudo-Russian style to the Klezmer Rebs, to see Sue actually about, to have so many friends there that I didn&#8217;t get a chance to talk to any of them properly, to have Tash be all humbled by their winning and her not being there to accept it on time, to dance to the awesome Karaoke Dick afterwards and sing sing sing, to having <a href="http://cupcakesandmace.com">Kim</a> show up really late and be all drunken &#8220;YAY KIM!!!!&#8221; at her, to have Grant Robertson (and everyone else) tell me how fabulous I looked&#8230;. oh, how I do so love me a good spotlight bask. Oh, and then there&#8217;s that other thing.</p>
<p>I&#8217;ve had bad experiences in the past where I&#8217;ve written about crushes and had the crushee email me going &#8220;um, I&#8217;m not interested in you romantically&#8221; and I&#8217;ve been like, yeah duh, I just wanted to write about how nice it is to have a crush that&#8217;s pure and simple and joyous, it&#8217;s not really about you or whatever, but on the other hand all too often I only write about things when they&#8217;re spent and used up and I&#8217;m all angsty about them, so in the interests of being Fair and Balanced like Fox News, I figure I will tell you a tale about last night at the TAWAs.</p>
<p>There was a girl there who it turned out I&#8217;d met almost ten years ago and I found myself really drawn to her immediately. It helped that she piled me with compliments, of course, and that it turns out that we&#8217;re <a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=eskimo+brothers">eskimo sisters</a> although our mileage definitely varied. At one stage I even sent Laura on a recon mission to find her, and in a move straight out of primary school Laura told her that I had a crush on her. Which is fine because we kissed as someone took up the mic singing &#8216;Halo&#8217; and I have all kinds of love for that song, and it felt like I was on a show on the WB, and it was lovely, and it was public and not a shameful dirty secret. Also lovely was duetting on &#8216;Blister In the Sun&#8217;, dancing together and kissing right in the middle of Cuba Mall at 3am. She wouldn&#8217;t let me take her home because she said that shagging gets in the way of being friends, and I was like &#8220;but dude, I have a million friends already! I don&#8217;t need any more!&#8221; but of course she is no doubt right. I&#8217;m just very lucky that I got to have a thoroughly swell time and a kiss to make the night perfect. It was partly a little bit about chasing away the ghosts of last year and the thing that I am not supposed to remember any more, but it was so sweet that it felt fresh and clean and not at all like the other times this year when I have tried to drown my memories in someone else&#8217;s arms. Excellent. Thank you very much, you charming young lady.</p>
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		<item>
		<title>Goodbye Crappy Tuesday</title>
		<link>http://hubris.co.nz/2009/10/goodbye-crappy-tuesday/</link>
		<comments>http://hubris.co.nz/2009/10/goodbye-crappy-tuesday/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 13 Oct 2009 12:07:20 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>johubris</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Journal]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[flatmates wanted]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[i kissed a girl]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[job hunting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mazzy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[megan wegan]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[PASH!]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[periods]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[roller derby]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[unemployment]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://hubris.co.nz/?p=2746</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[There is going to be an immense amount of whining and wailing and weeping in this entry, so if you&#8217;re not down with that, go read this instead. Caution: contains insanely adorable children in tutus. Things have taken a swing for the worst for me lately. I know it is at least partially related to [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>There is going to be an immense amount of whining and wailing and weeping in this entry, so if you&#8217;re not down with that, <a href="http://mazzygirls.wordpress.com/2009/10/13/crafty-crafty/">go read this instead</a>. Caution: contains insanely adorable children in tutus.</p>
<p>Things have taken a swing for the worst for me lately. I know it is at least partially related to the miniscule trickle of blood that&#8217;s occasionally dripping from my cunt, but really, $200 parking fines, and discovering that WINZ won&#8217;t let me sign up for the dole unless I go to that horrible degrading seminar AGAIN and needing new a new flatmate, and still no jobs on the horizon, and continued burglar-related crap and assorted personal dramas and the very very small amount of money that I have left in my account are really piling up. I&#8217;m not coping very well with it. I have hid in bed for the past two days, and unless something drastic happens, I imagine that&#8217;s probably where I will spend tomorrow as well, at least until I go to Petone to eat cupcakes.</p>
<p>Here&#8217;s a story that is NOT the centre of my problems, but it is something that is weighing on my mind in the grand scheme of things. You know <a href="http://hubris.co.nz/2009/09/stolen-moments/">that boy who slept over in a post recently</a>? And how although that was strange for me, it was actually quite nice? He stopped replying to my texts after that, and then didn&#8217;t show up for roller derby. Perhaps he&#8217;s too busy winking at my friends via online dating sites the day after he fucked me (Wellington is a very small place). I know there was no contract or anything, but it still seems like a shame. I thought we got on well, and that my gut instinct was right in thinking he was a nice guy. Oh well. I could tell him this in person but of course I have deleted his number so I won&#8217;t drunkenly passively aggressively text him. Does this mean that I shouldn&#8217;t trust my gut instinct then?  I know that my gut instinct is correct in thinking that the boy I kissed this past Saturday is trouble, but oh, what a kiss. And then on another note there&#8217;s Anji asking me if I think people are crazy because they&#8217;re crazy or because they like me. And there&#8217;s me wondering if I hold my cards too closely to my chest at all times because I don&#8217;t want to get hurt again and wondering whether or not I use not being over someone I could never have had anyway as a way to hold others at a distance.  I guess I&#8217;m getting ahead of myself somewhat, and lord knows I&#8217;ve been complaining enough lately about people who tell stories in a non-linear non-sequitarial fashion.</p>
<p>So what have I been up to lately? Last week there was tea and cake with Chrisana which was lovely because I hadn&#8217;t seen her in a very long time and I very much enjoy her company. There was making economic decisions to go home and sit by myself on the Friday night instead of drinking with the Wellingtonista.<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/ratpony/3998869609/"> I painted signs for Roller Derby with Miss Fur</a>. There was a crafternoon with <a href="http://meganwegan.wordpress.com">Megan</a> in which I made the aforementioned tutus that I sent to Maree&#8217;s daughters. She made me a skirt to wear to the roller derby on Saturday, so I looked suitably hot:</p>
<p><img class="aligncenter" src="http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs222.snc1/6916_171034130232_636180232_3272936_856110_n.jpg" alt="" width="531" height="604" /></p>
<p>I got to meet <a href="http://cupcakesandmace.com">Kim</a> who took this photo and <a href="http://www.mcquillanator.blogspot.com/">Laura</a> for the first time before roller derby, so that was awesome. Anji&#8217;s friend stuck her tongue in when I gave her  birthday kiss, and another girl pulled me into a toilet stall, pushed me up against the wall and felt me up quite roughly. It was kind of fantastic and hilarious at the same time, because there were a lot of people around and she was pretty loud. Loud enough that she ended up getting kicked out of the derby, and I had to leave the afterparty really early to go meet up with her and her friend in his hotel room. The baths at the Duxton are not as good as t<a href="http://hubris.co.nz/2008/02/an-open-letter-to-the-organisers-of-webstock/">he baths at the Museum Hotel</a>, I can report but the staff are great at finding super glue for you if your boots are coming apart. It is strange however, that they let people smoke inside. Even the Garden Bar where we went and danced to drum &amp; bass doesn&#8217;t let you do that. Then when I took a taxi home the driver didn&#8217;t have any credit card slips so he let me pay with a Farmers voucher instead. Mint.</p>
<p>Today my fitted sheet blew off the line when I was doing laundry and now it is gone. That seemed like an insurmountable obstacle to happiness for me so I stopped doing chores and went back to bed. I&#8217;m tired of all this shit. I just need some catharsis and probably to have a talk with someone so I don&#8217;t end up screwing them over. But for now, I will watch many many episodes of <em>Weeds</em> in a row, pull the duvet over my head, and sleep some more until this mood goes away.</p>
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		<slash:comments>5</slash:comments>
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		<item>
		<title>Urbanal</title>
		<link>http://hubris.co.nz/2009/10/urbanal/</link>
		<comments>http://hubris.co.nz/2009/10/urbanal/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 07 Oct 2009 12:14:15 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>johubris</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Journal]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[bars]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dressups]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[drunk]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[flatmate wanted]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[i kissed a girl]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[illustrated]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[megan wegan]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[periods]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[PPP]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[text messages]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[wellingtonista]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://hubris.co.nz/?p=2737</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I twittered today that I&#8217;m about two weeks away from sucking cock for crack, financially speaking, and that&#8217;s pretty true. I&#8217;d say that I&#8217;m also about two weeks away from taking up sucking cock for crack just for something to do because I&#8217;m so fucking bored, but yet I keep finding myself way too busy, [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I twittered today that I&#8217;m about two weeks away from sucking cock for crack, financially speaking, and that&#8217;s pretty true. I&#8217;d say that I&#8217;m also about two weeks away from taking up sucking cock for crack just for something to do because I&#8217;m so fucking bored, but yet I keep finding myself way too busy, no matter how sexy and appealing <em>It&#8217;s Always Sunny in Philadelphia</em> makes crack addiction look.</p>
<p>My period has been fucking with me, resulting in many nights of not sleeping until 5am, and thinking too much about things that are in the past. Consequently, when <a href="http://meganwegan.wordpress.com">Megan</a> was over yesterday, I cried a little, and then she made me laugh, so that was good. I&#8217;m just so tired of things not going my way, of the endless having to deal with stupid things like bills, and police, and letterboxes, and landlords, and applying for jobs,  and no doubt WINZ soon, and <a href="http://www.trademe.co.nz/Browse/Listing.aspx?id=245983086">finding a new flatmate</a> (El&#8217;s moving to the beach), and just ugh. URGH! I need a PA, like, so bad. And also a salary with which to pay said PA.</p>
<p>I got a text on Monday night from a guy I know asking me to go for a drink with him and his wife because she had a proposition for me. I laughed and laughed and laughed. I&#8217;m pretty sure that it will be of the blog promotion variety type proposition, but because my weekend was somewhat interesting, I chose to assume the most sordid scenario. I was hugging my heater, however, and didn&#8217;t want to wash my hair, so I didn&#8217;t leave the house.</p>
<p>On Saturday though, I left the house for about 15 hours straight. I played Urban Golf. It was tremendous fun!</p>
<div class="wp-caption aligncenter" style="width: 614px"><img src="http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs270.snc1/9718_176707608221_713978221_3793566_7307091_n.jpg" alt="Fore!" width="604" height="453" /><p class="wp-caption-text">Fore!</p></div>
<p>I&#8217;m not feeling particularly articulate right now after very long conversations about other people&#8217;s lives tonight, so instead I recommend that you <a href="http://phillipruane.blogspot.com/2009/10/urban-golf-in-wellington.html">read Phil&#8217;s description of the day</a>. I like dressing up, and taking back the streets, and chatting to the people we met along the way, and also the meeting new people part of the day, indeed. It was more sober than I expected it to be though.</p>
<p>I fixed the sober part afterwards when I went and met up with <a href="http://hubris.co.nz/2009/08/not-mad-just-bad/">that girl</a> and we had drinks at Pollux and The Garden Club which weirds me out because it used to be the Repertory Theatre where I did drama lessons and now it&#8217;s a gay club. I suppose they&#8217;re practically the same thing though anyways, right? The night ended with me sitting topless in someone&#8217;s living room eating Burger Fuel, which is the way most nights should end, right? I think most nights should involve less of other people&#8217;s drama though, maybe. But for my last occasion of spending substantial amounts of money, it was pretty good.</p>
<p>Schedule-wise, there&#8217;s roller derby coming up (<a href="http://prettyprettypretty.com/2009/10/05/win-tickets-to-civil-offence/">we have tickets to give away on PPP!</a>) and then then the <a href="http://prettyprettypretty.com/2009/10/07/more-details-about-the-clothes-swap/">PPP Girlie Party &amp; Clothing Swap</a>, and then I go to Harvestbird&#8217;s wedding, and then there&#8217;ll be the Halloween toss-up between rasslin&#8217; and derby. Then I may end up going to Auckland for a couple of days with Lisa in November if I am not gainfully employed before she drives up for Pearl Jam. I suspect I will need to hold the wheel steady for her, so great will her excitement be. Oh, and you should <a href="http://wellingtonista.com/announcing-4tawa-and-a-call-for-nominations">suggest nominees for 4TAWA</a>.</p>
<p>Blah. I have been on a big downloaded TV glut lately (thanks The AV Club!) and so I will return to that now if you don&#8217;t mind.</p>
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		<item>
		<title>Stolen Moments</title>
		<link>http://hubris.co.nz/2009/09/stolen-moments/</link>
		<comments>http://hubris.co.nz/2009/09/stolen-moments/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 30 Sep 2009 08:35:48 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>johubris</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Journal]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cheese]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[crime]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[english accents]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[events]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[holidays]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[i kissed a girl]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[karen]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[kat and kane]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[laid]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[martha]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[megan wegan]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mm]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[PPP]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[rasslin]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[wellingtonista]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[you're so entertaining]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://hubris.co.nz/?p=2728</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Last time I wrote, I was planning for Martha&#8217;s new Wanda Harland opening, and now that was a couple of weeks ago. I had a tremendous amount of fun. There was the most amazing cheese in the whole wide world there (one was called &#8220;OMG Triple Cream Brie&#8221; by Over The Moon) and because I [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Last time I wrote, <a href="http://youaresoentertaining.com/opening-up-wanda-part-i/">I was planning for Martha&#8217;s new Wanda Harland opening</a>, and now that was a couple of weeks ago. I had a tremendous amount of fun. There was the most amazing cheese in the whole wide world there (one was called &#8220;OMG Triple Cream Brie&#8221; by Over The Moon) and because I was so in love with it, I get to go to eat more of it tomorrow at a super secret cheese tasting. More details will come on YASE at some stage soon, I&#8217;m sure. It is a great space, and there are many pretty things in it that I want to buy.</p>
<p>After the shop opening, Karen and <a href="http://meganwegan.wordpress.com">Megan</a> and I went for dinner at Arashi, and then up to Hooch for a quick drink. A couple of bottles later, we&#8217;d had enough of old men from Nelson who were up for the rugby and decided to hit on us but accidently showed us picture of their wives. We really should have stopped drinking earlier though so that I could have been less hungover in preparation for the roller derby on that Saturday.</p>
<p>The roller derby was fucking amazing! <a href="http://prettyprettypretty.com/2009/09/21/roller-derby-outfits-revealed/">I wrote about it on Pretty Pretty Pretty and you can also see photos of how hot I looked</a>. Sure, the leopardskin bustier gave me bruises, but it was totally worth it. I was really happy that when I was taking photos of the girls afterwards they&#8217;d mostly all heard of PPP, and so I felt totally full of love for Wellington and the internets.</p>
<p>Afterwards, we went up to Hooch for a Cowboys + Indians night. There was a guy in a horse&#8217;s head! Behold!</p>
<div class="wp-caption aligncenter" style="width: 385px"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3439/3937228690_efe68184c5.jpg" alt="The horse is made a million times more awesome by the guy in the background" width="375" height="500" /><p class="wp-caption-text">The horse is made a million times more awesome by the guy in the background</p></div>
<p>I ran into <a href="http://hubris.co.nz/2009/08/not-mad-just-bad/">the girl from #madbad</a> and ended up pinning her to the bathroom wall and pashing her until one of the female bartenders came in and told us we were too drunk and she would lose her bartender&#8217;s license. I think that was somewhat of an exaggeration. But I went home and <em>did</em> <em>not </em>accept her text invitations to go up to the duck&#8217;s house. I had to get up at 9am to go to the airport to pick up Kat and Kane, after all!</p>
<p>The airport mission was pretty heinous but then Kat and I went into town to meet up with the <a href="http://wellingtonista.com">Wellingtonist</a>a at Mac&#8217;s Brewery because we&#8217;d finally managed to literally organise a piss-up in one. We drank our tab we&#8217;d won at the Webstock Quiz the year before, hung out in the lovely weather, introduced new people to the delights of knowing the best people in town, and many people brought along their kids. It was thoroughly delightful to sit in the sun afterwards, eat gelato and plot starting up our own crocodile bike business.</p>
<p>Having Kat and Kane around always makes me feel very mellow and content and full of love. I cooked a big old lamb roast for nine people that night, and we crowded around the table stuffing ourselves, drinking red wine and having hilarious conversation. Kat did all the cleaning before and after, which I felt bad about but I didn&#8217;t want to fight her on it too much! I was really happy with the way that everything went, that it reminded me what fantastic lovely people I have in my life. Awww.</p>
<p>But I didn&#8217;t have too much time to reflect on it, because on Wednesday, <a href="http://www.harvestbird.com/blog">Miss Harvestbird</a> was in town, just in time for the RASSLIN! The rasslin&#8217; was being filmed for TV, so it was held in a warehouse here in Newtown with tiered seating and great lighting for taking photos, but of course I didn&#8217;t get around to downloading my pics before my camera was stolen. However, the lovely <a href="http://ratpony.com">Miss Fur</a> took pics, of course, so you should <a href="http://hubris.co.nz/2009/08/not-mad-just-bad/">check hers out</a>. It includes this gem:</p>
<div class="wp-caption aligncenter" style="width: 404px"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2517/3949207219_b710287602.jpg" alt="Chris DeLorean and Lazarus Volt - bum pinchers!" width="394" height="500" /><p class="wp-caption-text">Chris DeLorean and Lazarus Volt - bum pinchers!</p></div>
<p>After that, it was time to go to the Watusi to listen to some lovely drunk girls read out Olsen slash fiction in bad Russian accents. It was very very entertaining. I got somewhat drunk and melancholy afterwards, which was a bit weird, given how happy I&#8217;d been previously. I got to spend the whole day in bed on Thursday though, which was a great way to unwind in preparation for the madness that was to follow.</p>
<p>On Friday<a href="http://prettyprettypretty.com/2009/09/30/holy-fricking-wow/"> I went to the Montana World of WearableArt, which again, you can read about on PPP.</a> I got to go in the media room to hang out with Kowhai and Robyn and Russell Brown and Fiona from Public Address, and drink free wine and stuff my face with spicy nuts. It was a really great show, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Afterwards I went to Hooch with Kowhai to have a heart to heart, and apologise to Johnny for being snapped the week before in the bathroom making out with that girl. He just laughed.</p>
<p>I&#8217;d texted Smoo to see if he wanted to share a cab home from work and he told me he&#8217;d been robbed, and I was thinking he meant his restaurant, but no, it turns out that our flat was broken into, two days after the neighbours had been burgled. They took my laptop, my eeePC, my iPod, my camera, his playstation, El&#8217;s camera and iPod. Needless to say Saturday was somewhat of a blur of phonecalls with the police, talking to the police, being told that we need to be more social in our flat, crying down the phone to my mother, welcome visits from Anji and Bambi &#8211; who told me that I&#8217;d sent him a drunken email on Wednesday night asking him to tell <a href="http://hubris.co.nz/tag/tingle/">Tingle</a> to call me and that actually<a href="http://hubris.co.nz/2009/08/the-good-the-bad-and-the-scary/"> it wasn&#8217;t Tingle who tried to climb in my window</a>. Naturally because Bambi is smart, he saw the 2am timestamp on the email and decided to wait until I was sober before he replied to it. I think I might put the math goggles thingie onto Gmail. And my lovely mother came over as well, and then Lisa came by in the evening to watch <em>21 Jump Street</em>. Sure, the cops who came over were nice, and seemed to know what they were doing, but they weren&#8217;t no Johnny Depp. Le Sigh.</p>
<p>On Sunday I went to buy a new laptop (no, I don&#8217;t have insurance), and spent the afternoon fighting with Vista. Firefox wouldn&#8217;t install, so Chrome is totally my new lover for life now. Then a boy said he&#8217;d buy me consolation beers so we went to Hashi Ogazeke, and I bought him a beer from Invercargill that tasted like bacon. He was still there in the morning &#8211; and then the afternoon &#8211; which is something I am very very unused to, and I didn&#8217;t know how to act. Plus, I really wanted to check my email. There have been <a href="http://hubris.co.nz/2007/06/rocking-the-party-that-rocks-the-party/">sleepovers</a> <a href="http://hubris.co.nz/?s=webstock#day2">with</a> <a href="http://hubris.co.nz/2009/07/foreskins-lament/">girls</a>, but the last boy I woke up with would have been <a href="http://hubris.co.nz/tag/goodtom">Good Tom</a>, all the way back in 2004. Apparently when you have sex with married men, they go home to their wives afterwards and don&#8217;t spend the night. Who knew? And I don&#8217;t like sleeping in <a href="http://hubris.co.nz/?s=the+duck">other people</a>&#8216;s beds either. Etc. Anyways. Today continued the lesson that Wellington is a very small place, and that I really do know everyone and everything about everybody.</p>
<p>Yesterday I went to the new bar Betty&#8217;s with the lovely <a href="http://www.amiemccarron.co.nz">Amie</a> to try Tohu wines and find out all sorts of gossip. I will write about that sometime on YASE &#8211; the wine and venue, that is. And then I went to dinner at Thai House and Quiz Night where I got to have a good gossip with Anji, which I really do need to update. I didn&#8217;t manage to sleep at all though, so I was still awake at 11am waiting for the tsunami. I don&#8217;t know what to say about that without sounding trite. The place where <a href="http://hubris.co.nz/2008/07/please-sir-i-want-sa-moa/">Karen and I had an amazing holiday</a> -<a href="http://www.coconutsbeachclubsamoa.com/"> Coconuts Resort</a> is apparently completely destroyed as are of course many other houses and lives that I have no connection to other than, y&#8217;know, having  a heart. So I baked cupcakes for Megan instead, and now I am wondering who will get to see my amazing new dress first.</p>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Weeding out the good stuff</title>
		<link>http://hubris.co.nz/2009/09/weeding-out-the-good-stuff/</link>
		<comments>http://hubris.co.nz/2009/09/weeding-out-the-good-stuff/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 02 Sep 2009 11:52:54 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>johubris</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ahh the old]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ahh the olden days]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[anji]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[balmoral]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gossip]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[heartbreak]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[i kissed a girl]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mm]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[periods]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[webstock]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://hubris.co.nz/?p=2719</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Because I have been severely premenstrual and hating everything and feeling like I am a worthless piece of shit, I have spent a bit of time contemplating telling everyone everything about everything, burning every single bridge I have and being herded out of town by an angry group of people with pitchforks and torches. But [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Because I have been severely premenstrual and hating everything and feeling like I am a worthless piece of shit, I have spent a bit of time contemplating telling everyone everything about everything, burning every single bridge I have and being herded out of town by an angry group of people with pitchforks and torches. But then the lovely Tash sent me a twitter making me promise never to leave Wellington and also wrote me a 140 character poem about how awesome I am, and then there was a vague bit of blood in my gusset and then I felt better.</p>
<p>Today Anji came over because she had the day off, and it was sunny, and she weeded my garden, and I did two loads of washing, and cleaned out the tiki shack, and the mouldy towels and mats and cardboard boxes and other sundry rubbish from the garden, and hiffed loads and loads of weeds over the fence into the nothingness. It was hard work, I tell you. So I am very tired. It was great hanging out with Anji though because I could talk about the things that I can&#8217;t talk to anyone else in Wellington about, and this makes me feel all Barbara Kruger like, and all altruistic and stuff, because my silence is other people&#8217;s comfort and all that, but also, again, pitchforks and torches. But we had a lengthy discussion about my tendency to sleep with people that I have no risk of falling for after I&#8217;ve had my heart broken (see <a href="http://hubris.co.nz/tag/greasymatt">this</a> and <a href="http://hubris.co.nz/tag/beniii/">this </a>and <a href="http://hubris.co.nz/tag/beniv/">this</a> (although that one backfired) etc) in an attempt to safeguard myself again. Etc.</p>
<p>And then to continue on that note, I went for a drink with the girl from Saturday night tonight,  and we were having a grand old time, and then boy #2 from that night also showed up and I found that hilarious because they were all not talking much and I was talking lots, and I adore Johnnie at Hooch so much. But I was very sober, so I took off to bus home and be talked to by strange women on the street surprising me out of my loud Interpol head noise. Tonight I&#8217;ll rest my chemistry instead.</p>
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		<item>
		<title>Not mad, just bad</title>
		<link>http://hubris.co.nz/2009/08/not-mad-just-bad/</link>
		<comments>http://hubris.co.nz/2009/08/not-mad-just-bad/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 30 Aug 2009 19:27:38 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>johubris</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Journal]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[bad tom]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cupcakes]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[drinking with ex-workmates]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[drunk]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emma]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[i kissed a girl]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[illustrated]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[madbad]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[parties]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[PASH!]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[the duck]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[work]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://hubris.co.nz/?p=2714</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I can&#8217;t sleep right now because the wind is too loud, so I might as well write my journal, yes? Let me start with pictures of cupcakes. The lovely Emma came over to lend me her neat handwriting expertise, and together we assembled these beauties: If you click the photo, you&#8217;ll get to my flickr [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I can&#8217;t sleep right now because the wind is too loud, so I might as well write my journal, yes?</p>
<p>Let me start with pictures of cupcakes. The lovely Emma came over to lend me her neat handwriting expertise, and together we assembled these beauties:</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/johubris/3863785711/"><img class="aligncenter" title="dirty word cupcakes" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3494/3863785711_a4cedd56f3.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="375" /></a><em>If you click the photo, you&#8217;ll get to my flickr page where I&#8217;ve tagged each cupcake with what it says</em></p>
<p style="text-align: left;">We had a tremendous amount of fun coming up with the dirty words and I also got to say to her things like &#8220;give me an orgasm&#8221; and &#8220;I love your meat flaps&#8221; which is always a guarantee of a good time. The cupcakes were for <a href="http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=logo#/event.php?eid=112825009272">Bad Tom&#8217;s Mad, Bad and Dangerous to Know party</a>, which we will get to in time, but first I have to talk about #opengovt.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">On Saturday I went to an Open Government Bar Camp, because I am a big nerd. In order to appear less governmenty, I wore really bright-coloured clothing:</p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><img class="aligncenter" title="Bright!" src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2584/3870074854_a2720fe9e3.jpg" alt="" width="320" height="500" /></p>
<p style="text-align: left;">I am so in love with my new tights from <a href="http://welovecolors.com">welovecolors.com</a>, although I think the footless ones fit better than the footed ones. I&#8217;m pretty sure I am going to need to order them in more colours than just kelly green, scarlet red and fuschia at some stage. Anyways. Bar Camp. I knew a tremendous amount of people there, and even more people knew me. I tried to remind people that we weren&#8217;t entirely representative of the rest of New Zealand in that normal people don&#8217;t tend to spend sunny Saturdays cooped up in the National Library of their own free will, and I think I did quite well at that. I also ate some really tasty proscuitto. I will write about it more on my portfolio site sometime soon, probably. My social media expertise was paid for by drinks at the Loaded Hog afterward where the bar man kept giving me over-pours, probably because I was one of very few women there.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">But I couldn&#8217;t stay and drink free booze all night there, because I had a party to get to. So I jumped in a taxi and went up to Karen&#8217;s house in order to get dressed up, meet Chiara and have more drinks. This is what Karen and I dressed up as:</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><img src="file:///C:/Users/johubris/AppData/Local/Temp/moz-screenshot-1.jpg" alt="" /><img class="alignnone" src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2426/3869293639_ac9cf4d848.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="375" /></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><em>If that&#8217;s unclear to you, <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/johubris/3285423601/">click here for the reveal</a>.</em></p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Bambi and Anji also dressed up as Bad Tom, who was suitably impressed and perplexed. I put a naughty schoolgirl spin on my outfit, which proved to be quite handy, not least because the amount of Mary-Kate &amp; Ashley available enabled people (well, maybe just Tom) to do lines of snuff off my breasts.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3520/3869148429_885e3ca618.jpg"><img class="alignnone" title="The snuff box" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3520/3869148429_885e3ca618.jpg" alt="" width="342" height="500" /></a></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><em>Photo stolen from Bad Tom&#8217;s flickr.</em></p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Did I mention that there was homemade laudanum? And absinthe? And a general all around dirty atmosphere? Here are some more pics to show off the mood in the room:</p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><img class="aligncenter" src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2444/3869293693_a63989585a.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="375" /></p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><img class="aligncenter" src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2660/3869930828_f16a728ef8.jpg" alt="" width="376" height="500" />I like it how it appears that Chiara is about to give me a lapdance in this photo, but she didn&#8217;t actually. I did watch her and Anna Jane shake and shimmy and undulate in the hallway. There was <a href="http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=2316065&amp;op=1&amp;view=all&amp;subj=652042078&amp;id=594757369">kissing booth</a> <a href="http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=2316065&amp;op=1&amp;view=all&amp;subj=652042078&amp;id=594757369#/photo.php?pid=2316079&amp;id=594757369">malarky</a>. I also pashed a drag queen named Candy. At one stage I found myself on Tom&#8217;s crazy comfy bed with a cute girl and a guy I used to work with. We spilled absinthe on his sheets and tried to shut the door but people kept walking in on us. It is somewhat disconcerting to be making out with someones while your sister stares at you through the window. Still, I got to tell the guy that I&#8217;d wanted to fuck him because I thought he was kind of misogynistic, so that was amusing, although he protested that he wasn&#8217;t. And then later on the cute girl and I went home with the duck. It was somewhat of a strange night, and I am paying for it now with a cut-open thumb from cocktail making, and bruised knees from god knows what. Ahh debauchary, how glad I am you are in my life.</p>
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		<item>
		<title>Rocking the party that rocks the party</title>
		<link>http://hubris.co.nz/2007/06/rocking-the-party-that-rocks-the-party/</link>
		<comments>http://hubris.co.nz/2007/06/rocking-the-party-that-rocks-the-party/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 24 Jun 2007 11:01:35 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>johubris</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Journal]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[anji]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[bart]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[birthdays]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[blair]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[d&d]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[family]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gay now]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gilmore girls]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[i kissed a girl]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[illness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[illustrated]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[karen]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[lani]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Lisa Fur]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[maranui]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[martha]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[matariki resolutions]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[PASH!]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sebastian]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[triplek]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[vuwsa]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[wellingtonista]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://hubris.co.nz/journal/?p=1727</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Now I am 27, and thusly, I have been living life to excess. It&#8217;s the rules of being the age of a dead rockstar, after all. First, I should tell you about my party. It was many many boxes of supplies that I lugged over to Karen&#8217;s house which involved many trips and much lugging. [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Now I am 27, and thusly, I have been living life to excess. It&#8217;s the <em>rules</em> of being the age of a dead rockstar, after all.</p>
<p>First, I should tell you about my party. It was many many boxes of supplies that I lugged over to Karen&#8217;s house which involved many trips and much lugging. Things like couches, blenders, and stacks and stacks of canned goods from a long excursion to Pak&#8217;n Slave (man I hate that supermarket!) found their way up into her spacious apartment. More crap got dropped off. I spent Friday night on the couch at home with Lisa and Jay watching <em>Twin Peaks</em>. Mmmm Agent Cooper. I haven&#8217;t been out on a Friday night for around a million years, but I knew I would need my energy for the next day. Saturday involved Karen and I trekking around Moore Wilson&#8217;s for a long time because obviously four boxes of food and booze wasn&#8217;t enough, and then I cleaned her bathroom and we set up the house for the party. I went home to chill out, get ready, pick up al the stuff i&#8217;d forgotten (so many lists!) and grab Lani, and we went back early to make sure everything looked perfect. This is what the bar looked like at the start of the night:<br />
<img src="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1347/564371879_dc14d1707f.jpg?v=0" border="1" alt="My bar setup" /></p>
<p><em>Oh HELL yes! Glassware, mixers, syrups, tools, booze, garnishes, fruit, canned mixers, pear brandy champagne fixings in the blender</em></p>
<p>Karen and Lani both looked like total rockstars, as you can see in this photo:<br />
<img src="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1006/563948890_17fd73068f.jpg?v=0" border="1" alt="Karen and Lani" /></p>
<p>So obviously it was time to start drinking. Intially, it was me who made most of the cocktails.<br />
<img src="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1056/563949374_b41901eca0.jpg?v=0" border="1" alt="Rhubarb &amp; Apple Martini" /><br />
<em>This Appletini made with Rhubarb Syrup was possibly my favourite drink of the night.</em></p>
<p>People started showing up, including Karen&#8217;s flatmate in a stunning Beyonce outfit, and Anji and her friends, and some more of my friends, bringing booze with them to add to the collecion. And then, holy crap, Dimebag and a friend showed up! I thought he was dead!<br />
<img src="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1002/563949618_aea0ee3ad6.jpg?v=0" border="1" alt="rock" /><br />
<em>Bart and Blair are awesome like WOAH</em></p>
<p>The lovely people from the Wellingtonista showed up too, and foolishly placed themselves far away from the bar which meant that by the time I got to them with a blender full of whatever deliciousness was on offer, it was mostly empty. But they still managed to humour me through flat camera batteries long enough for me to take this picture:<br />
<img src="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1363/563949892_f887d09632.jpg?v=0" border="1" alt="Wellingtonista rockstars" /><br />
<em>I so wish that you could see Martha&#8217;s &#8220;Human&#8221; and &#8220;Being&#8221; tattoos in this photo to add to her fierceness</em></p>
<p>And here&#8217;s some more photos out of order probably.</p>
<p><img src="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1416/563951018_425dfdeb56.jpg?v=0" border="1" alt="Tatu1" /><br />
<em>I started sharing cocktail-making duties with this very attractive young lady who was called tAtu 1. Well, that wasn&#8217;t really her name but I kept forgetting what it really was. Later she and the boy she was with-ish showed off their genital piercings, so Bart pulled out his as well. When I heard that he was showing everyone but me I demanded a look and so I saw his weiner in the kitchen. It was indeed pierced. </em></p>
<p><img src="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1276/564373781_8858ca0c50.jpg?v=0" border="1" alt="party" /><br />
<em>There is a sixteen year old in this photo. Guess who it is? In other discussions, see how many people there are packed into the kitchen? It was pretty much like that all night, which made it rather hard to mop up after one particularly drunk gentleman, who&#8217;d been Captain McGrabby Hands all night causing some people some distress got a drink thrown in his face, and then also spilt water all over the floor. And puked in the bath, but his fiancee cleaned that up, luckily</em>.</p>
<p><img src="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1252/563950340_ab5b7d1cf2.jpg?v=0" border="1" alt="rock" /><br />
<em>See all the red plastic cups? Yeah that&#8217;s right it was a special-enough occasion to break those bad boys out. And yet we still resorted to all drinking from each other&#8217;s cups without washing them. Now everyone is sick. Also, how disturbing are Bart&#8217;s cutoffs? SO disturbing, and yet so erotic!</em></p>
<p>On the stroke of midnight, I was in the kitchen making cocktails, when a very drunk <a href="http://ratpony.com">Lisa</a> who&#8217;d shown up late announced it was my birthday as it was now the 17th. I was giving someone a hug when all of a sudden everyone rushed me all at once. I was thinking it was a group hug, but it turned out it was a group hump. Apart from squealling a lot, I ended up being speechless for about five minutes afterwards. It was a GOOD kind of shock though, honest!</p>
<p>What else were highlights? Seeing Kartini and Mike again. Drinkign many  delicious cocktails. Having Shirley there, who&#8217;s told me a couple of times since then how nice all my friends are and how they all said lovely things about me. Aww shucks. So here&#8217;s some more photos:</p>
<p><img src="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1120/564382173_4882e6adea.jpg?v=0" border="1" alt="group shot" /><br />
<em>Check it out, it&#8217;s my old boss (from VUWSA) front&#8217;n centre. See how demonstratably employable and sociable I am? Yeah!</em></p>
<p><img src="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1270/563961662_4fa6a2a522.jpg?v=0" border="1" alt="Anji and Dave" /><br />
<em>This was near the end of the night long after most people had left, and we sat around the table making up shakers to share.</em></p>
<p>So yes, that was my party. At the end of the night I managed to convince a young lady to come home with me, and so we played records &#8220;and stuff&#8221;. We were happy in the morning and it didn&#8217;t seem awkward but then Lani walked in on us, which means that i&#8217;ve decided that my new Matariki resolution, since I&#8217;ve achieved the waking up with someone one is to score someone in my house and <em>not</em> have Lani walk in on it. Sheesh, you&#8217;d think she&#8217;d knock before she walks into the lounge or my bedroom next time. Heh. So anyways, the girl texted Anji to come pick her up, so I texted Anji to bring us coffee. She jumped in bed with us and it was very amusing. Then we went <a href="http://wellingtonista.com/entertainment-book-review-roxy-cafe#comment-44485">for brunch at Roxy</a>, and to clean Karen&#8217;s apartment which reeeeeeeeeeeeeeked of booze.</p>
<p>I was super super tired but I didn&#8217;t nap after that, I don&#8217;t think. Instead I bonded iwth my couch and the <em>Gilmore Girls</em> before my parents came to pick me up with Anji and Karen in tow, and we went for my birthday dinner at the Tinakori Bistro. It was BYO so I tried to drink the hangover away, and we had lots and lots of food. I got handy presents from people &#8211; a seven day pill box from Karen so now I know when I&#8217;ve taken my meds and when I haven&#8217;t, and an iPod cover to go with my early birthday present of a Nano from my parents, and Anji gave me an awesome carved hairstick, and a purple melamine tray. Karen also gave me a Wham! vinyl, and oh boy, I can&#8217;t believe people didn&#8217;t realise that George Michael was gay a lot earlier. Dinner was lovely, and I got to tease someone there a lot about someone else that they&#8217;d hooked up with the night before (key line used in anything even loosely  vaguely able to be interpreted in a dirty way like &#8220;I just stuffed it in the envelope&#8221; is treated to a round of &#8220;That&#8217;s what * said!&#8221;. heheeh. Between that and the OHMYGODSOMETIMESMYYOUNGESTDAUGHTERISLIKE,ALESBIAN, my poor parents were rolling their eyes a lot. It was a lovely time.</p>
<p>Then what did I get up to this week? I wanted to go to Webstock Mini on Tuesday but I realised I so did not have a spare $75. We had a delightful flat dinner on Monday with much much humourous banter and Lani laughing at me and thinking that people actually know more than they&#8217;re letting on. I had a job interview on Wednesday and had to work in the afternoon because I was off sick for Monday and Tuesday with my brain trickling out of my nose. On Thursday I umm I dunno, nothing?  No wait! I went to <a href="http://amplify.co.nz">MG&#8217;s</a> work with <a href="http://halfpie.net">Alan</a> and <a href="http://ellipse.vox.com">Sue</a> and <a href="http://wandaharland.blogspot.com">Martha</a> and was seriously impressed with the cleverness of them all. We had some wine and some cheese and then went to Medina for dinner. Thanks again MG! I love the way that by describing the night in one sentence I made it sound so cilivised. Heh. When I got home I found that not only had Smoo removed the dead mouse that Seb had caught last night (I presume he ate the other one that was still alive when I ran away tearfully because the mouse kept going up to its dead friend before Seb would pull it back in again. And when I say that he ate it, I mean Seb, not Smoo. Although if Smoo wants to eat dead mice I won&#8217;t judge him) but he also cleaned the house so I was very very stoked. And of couse I&#8217;ve since messed it up again. And then on Friday Lisa and I hung out with Agent Cooper some more.</p>
<p>Yesterday Shirley and I went for brunch at the Maranui Surf Cafe, and a lack of tables led us to sit outside and freeze to death happily over our deluxe fish burgers. Then we decided to throw a mini cocktail night to try and finish off the booze leftover so I didn&#8217;t have to find a home for it all in the overful cabinet. We invited Lisa and Bart over, and Smoo was off work which was exciting, and of course Blair showed up as he tends to do all the time. We had tasty Grasshoppers, and Lisa updated my journal for me, and umm, good times. Lisa and Shirley are making fun of me for something, but that is okay. And today I&#8217;m at my parents&#8217; house doing laundry and eating their food. I was supposed to be working on my zine, but hte file corrupted over email, apparently. So instead I&#8217;m watching terrible reality TV. But I think my second load is dry, so I might take off now. Woo ha!</p>
]]></content:encoded>
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		<item>
		<title>30 November, 2002</title>
		<link>http://hubris.co.nz/2002/11/30-november-2002/</link>
		<comments>http://hubris.co.nz/2002/11/30-november-2002/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 30 Nov 2002 03:23:21 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>johubris</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Journal]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ammy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[bars]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[bic runga]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[bopha]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[brad]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cipramil]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[clayton]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[counselling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[estelle35]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Fatty Si]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[garland]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gigs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[i am so entertaing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[i kissed a girl]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[illness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[kalpana]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[kateh]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[katem]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[leo]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[maree]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[migraine]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[orgasms]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[panic attacks]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[periods]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[pluto]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sangria]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[self esteem]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[skinnydipping]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://hubris.co.nz/?p=2248</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I think I&#8217;m menopausal, cos I am full of hot flushes. Although the fact that I&#8217;m currently bleeding might suggest otherwise. Oh well. Today I went to Rumba! It was hilarious, and also super choice because of the following reasons: I went with Brad and Maree, both of whom I haven&#8217;t seen in far too [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I think I&#8217;m menopausal, cos I am full of hot flushes. Although the fact that I&#8217;m currently bleeding might suggest otherwise. Oh well.</p>
<p>Today I went to Rumba! It was hilarious, and also super choice because of the following reasons:</p>
<li>I went with Brad and Maree, both of whom I haven&#8217;t seen in far too long and both of whom I wish that I could see more of.</li>
<li> We got there in time to see Abs play, and he was funny, and needs to smoke less pot so that he can have more breath to sing/rap properly amongst all his dancing. And all the girls at the front chanted for him to take off his shirt, and he didn&#8217;t, and he did 5ive songs, which made us all Garland nostalgic.</li>
<li>Che Fu fucking rocked. He did lots of fat improvs rather than just playing his singles, which was choice. And his little kid was running all over the stage, and you know I&#8217;m a sucker for little brown babies.</li>
<li>During Che, I started to feel all funny, like I was dizzy, and then there were hot flushes running all over my body, and everything felt strange and my vision got a little blurry, and i started to freak out, suspecting htat I was having another acid flashback, but I just kept smiling, and reminded myself that it wasn&#8217;t that crowded, and maybe my vision was just funny from looking at the big screens and then the stage, thus fucking my depth&#8217;o perception, and that I was probably dehydrated, and eventually I remembered that cipramil does occasionally give me random dizzy spells anyways, so I calmed down some.</li>
<li>It was fabulous to see lots and lots of people getting down for Che, but the loudest cheering of the day was when they put a pashing couple up on the big screen, and all of Western Springs was roaring until the couple finally looked up and saw themselves and had the grace to laugh and clap.</li>
<li>(Sorry Katie but&#8230;)Natalie Imbruglia has almost as little charisma and presence and talent as Atomic Kitten. She was awful. We sat off to the side and ate mediocre food instead, laughing at people walking past, such as two girls who bumped into each other and they were both wearing the same top, and oh lordy did they give each other dirty looks.</li>
<li>Mazzy went home then cos she had to drive to Hamilton, and so me and Brad went to the main stadium bit again, and had long-trying-to-spot-KateH style cellphoneness, but eventually, we got to see her and say hi and get some goss, and hugs, and then she left, and we went into the crowd to see Bic Runga.</li>
<li>When she&#8217;d just started playing, I noticed a small cluster of little girls ahead of us all excitedly grouped around a guy who Brad said was the singer from Taxiride. They were takign his picture, and then some of them walked off with him &#8211; DODGY James Reid blowjob styles. Dirty dirty dirty.</li>
<li>Bic! Oh my god! Oh my god oh my god oh my god. She was AMAZING. Wow, she made it all look so easy. I am madly [in love with her now, and I gotta get her second album, and I thought maybe I could send it but no, and yeah, she was just fucking amazing and gorgeous and beautifl, and then Brad, who was wearing his glasses unlike me, pointed out that Milan was playing drums and singing backup vocals and I almost puddled right there on the grass. Wow. Yeah, go Bic.</li>
<li>We&#8217;d promised Bo that we&#8217;d watch Shaggy but since Pink canceled, we decided we&#8217;d leave on the high Bic note instead. I had a stupid big grin plastered over my face after all. And we&#8217;d got to complain lots about how we&#8217;d paid good money for this and then stop and go &#8220;oh wait a minute, we didn&#8217;t, oh ho ho ho, brilliant!&#8221;. Tom&#8217;s calling me a hep Auckland Socialite right now, and maybe he&#8217;s right, cos thinking about it, many&#8217;o my friends never pay for anything that they do cos it&#8217;s all about the connections. (Sometimes I say it&#8217;s all about the Benjamins Baby, but, well, that&#8217;s another story or four altogether isn&#8217;t it?)So yeah, that was brilliant, and then Brad and I came back here and I made more Sangria with Bo and Leo (last night we each bought a bottle of bad red wine cos it was only $5 adn this makes it far more drinkable) and got changed and chilled adn showed Brad bad 13 year old angsty stuff I&#8217;d uncovered in my room clean the other night (although that clean was kinda interupted when the lass that i pashed a couple&#8217;o weeks ago showed up with Bo and stood in my door and said &#8220;are those my shoes? oh no they&#8217;re yours&#8221; all bashful adn then ran away and I was like &#8220;????&#8221;) and then we went to Lumiere. I love Lumiere. I took back my drink cos it was flat, adn they gave me a fresh new one all politely so I can continue to recommend it. Mmmm Skky Vodka.
<p>What else? Oh, my therapist yelled at me yesterday! Yelled at me! Or rather, she shouted at me. It was funny, she said later she&#8217;d never ever done that before. The explanation for it is that I was talking about how I think the reason why I tend to hate having people stay with me for more than a night is that I constantly feel on edge, because I believe that people have an expectation of me that I&#8217;ll entertain them, and that being an entertainer is a role that I play just so that people will like me, and one of hte only people that I don&#8217;t feel like I have to play the Entertainer Role for is Fatty Si, and I can be myself around him but I don&#8217;t know who &#8220;myself&#8221; reallyu is and maybe I should ask him, and then Kalpana went &#8220;NO! Don&#8217;t do that!&#8221; and her point is that I really have to figure out for myself who I am, which is basically the whole point&#8217;o my therapy sessions, because I think I&#8217;ve realised that my chief problem is that I don&#8217;t know who I am and therefore I can&#8217;t know where I am going. But Kalpana did go on to contradict herself a little bit when I expressed to her a desire to have someone else photograph me a lot, so that I can see what they&#8217;re seeing when they look at me, and she agreed that might be good. Like, I&#8217;m not talking about casual snapshots. You may have seen all my webcam photos &#8211; well, I took them all, and so I got to make sure that my hair looked good, and I minimised my double chin, and there was lots of my eyes and all that, so basically I think I look good in most of those photos, or as pretty as can be being me, but then in other people&#8217;s snapshots I generally look terrible, and it&#8217;s just so weird, the contrast, because normally, other people might say I&#8217;m pretty (or beautiful, if they wanna cause me problems) but I really have terribly low self esteem when it comes to my body although I try not to focus on that, because that&#8217;s a guaranteed way of making myself even less attractive. My point was, if you&#8217;re like, a photographer or something, you should take some photos of me. Thank you. You&#8217;d be helping a crazy lady.</p>
<p>Blah blah blah. See how I&#8217;m all &#8220;Kalpana says&#8230;&#8221; when she tells me off for reiterating other people&#8217;s opinions too much? It&#8217;s a catch22.</p>
<p>Oh, did we talk about my housing situation yet? I don&#8217;t think we did. Ammy and I are looking for a flat together, and anyone who knows anything about Auckland is probably aware that the housing situation is FUCKED right now. Bleh. Bleh bleh bleh. I hate househunting. Also, Clay and I will be breaking up after almost four years together. This is progress.</p>
<p><!-- I think I've decided for sure taht I do have a new crush - I even told Brad about it tonight - and he's supportive, and so is Kalpana.  Heheheh obsessive.  No, not really. But it is maybe part of looking for some grey areas rather than being all or nothing. So what if I didn't feel an "instant connection" to this particular boy? Look at what happened with the boys who I did feel that instant closeness to. --> That&#8217;s probably it eh, with some inclusion of hte killer migraine that I&#8217;ve had for a week that&#8217;s meant that I can&#8217;t even wank cos when I come close to orgasm, the most godawful throbbing headsplitting pain kicks in from my neck and radiates out to my temples &#8211; EVERY TIME. And even my closely guarded codiene stash doesn&#8217;t help. Grrrr. It&#8217;s either my new glasses &#8211; but I hope not &#8211; or that old prosgeteron problem that I got when I first started on Estelle35, which hopefully will go away now that i&#8217;ve finally got my bleed and can start taking it again (i&#8217;ve been off it for a couple&#8217;o months since I didn&#8217;t pick up my prescription in time, which you oughta remember if you pay me enough attention). Or maybe it&#8217;s OOS, which isn&#8217;t cool at all, given that I&#8217;m now The Computer Guy at work. I&#8217;m rereading all my Narnia books instead&#8217;o masturbating since I couldn&#8217;t sleep in the lead up to my bleed (as usual), but even though they&#8217;re great, it&#8217;s no substitute. I&#8217;ve just got the last battle to go in &#8216;The Last Battle&#8217; and then I dunno what I&#8217;ll read. I have some more books from Karen &#8211; she gave me a fucking great book called &#8220;Negative Space&#8221; in which I felt much like the main character, except that I don&#8217;t have a brother that i&#8217;ve had a slightly dodgy relationship with. But it did make me think that maybe I should become a life model, like the girl in the book, after all, there&#8217;s plenty&#8217;o me to draw. But that thought mostly had to do with the whole &#8220;image of myself&#8221; trains of thought that i&#8217;ve had to think lots about lately due to the whole trying to find myself process. So don&#8217;t worry, I won&#8217;t be taking off my clothes for the general public any time soon. Oh, unless you happen to be at parties at KateM&#8217;s dad&#8217;s place anytime soon and I end up going skinnydipping, again. Nevermind.</li>
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		<title>10 November, 2002</title>
		<link>http://hubris.co.nz/2002/11/10-november-2002/</link>
		<comments>http://hubris.co.nz/2002/11/10-november-2002/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 10 Nov 2002 03:34:01 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>johubris</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Journal]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[bopha]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[exams]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[fireworks]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[good tom]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[i kissed a girl]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[kateh]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[PASH!]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[pure joy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[school work]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[the drugs do work]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The Midnights]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://hubris.co.nz/?p=2255</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[So today I am in a happy blissful content mood, and it&#8217;s lovely. Maybe it&#8217;s because it was gorgeous and sunny today and KatieH stopped by and suprised me, and we went to Devonport together and ate wonderful food and then walked by the water getting icecream all over my hands. Maybe it&#8217;s cos my [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>So today I am in a happy blissful content mood, and it&#8217;s lovely. Maybe it&#8217;s because it was gorgeous and sunny today and KatieH stopped by and suprised me, and we went to Devonport together and ate wonderful food and then walked by the water getting icecream all over my hands. Maybe it&#8217;s cos my drugs have kicked in. Maybe it&#8217;s cos I know that I&#8217;ll be okay, jobwise, cos I can stay working where I am, cos it&#8217;s only $16 a week less than the dole, and i&#8217;m really liking the people I work with. Or maybe I&#8217;m happy cos&#8217;o the crazy party last night, at the Rogues&#8217; house, with mad crazy drumming styles improvs in the kitchen, and a man in a reverend collar, and lots of crazy people and fireworks and making out in the kitchen with a lovely young lady. Actually, it was really more just a lot of kissing than actually making out &#8211; I tried to restrain myself. But anyways. Life is definately looking up. Stuff is all going to be okay. So maybe this is what happiness means to me &#8211; security and not needing to worry about everything so much. And that&#8217;s great. I have more to write but I might go call Tom instead cos my wrists hurt, adn I have an exam tomorrow &#8211; for corporate com, which I&#8217;ve already passed. Kickass.</p>
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