Hubris.co.nz

Today I went to go read the thing I’d sent to my mailing list about the scratches on my arm, but then it turns out I didn’t actually send anything to my mailing list at all. I did write about some bushes on Swinney.org though, and I guess that’s like the same thing, kinda. Last night I was sitting around crying after the season finale of Shortland Street, so I rang up Penny and asked her if she wanted to come around and get drunk. Of course she did. Jeremy came to the bottle store with us too, so we decided to have a cocktail night.

Sparing you all the details, we drank and laughed a lot. Penny and I reminisced a great deal. We gossiped. We danced on the front terrace. I rang Kini&Olivia and was terribly hurt that neither of them want to live with me. We took a series of dumbass photos which you can view here. We rang random people from Penny’s cellphone list that she wasn’t sure she knew, and had very amusing conversations. One guy had just been fined $13,000 for reckless driving. Jeremy gave us random numbers to call too, and then his friend kept calling him back. I bit Penny but didn’t leave any bruise marks, to our deepest regret. Around 2am we decided we’d go be larrikans out in the streets. I refused to go the park around the corner, so we walked up to Shell instead, then walked back playing Pringle Soccer. I had my camera so we took a succession of fantastic supermodel pose shots. We poll danced. Jeremy climbed a tree. I found myself unable to balance walk along a wall without holding onto Penny on one side, which made me mad cos I was really really good at the Beam in Primary school. Penny jumped into a bush which looked like fun, so I did the same, except it wasn’t all boingy like I was thinking it would be, in fact it was sharp and ouchy and I have deep gashes from it.

Today I woke up to say bye bye to Penny (also cos her phone with a goddam novelty ring kept going off in my room) but then went back to sleep, which is always fun to do cos the heat makes me have dirty dreams. I got up much much later then, and spent an hour reading the herald and stuff. My saturdays are so so cruisy. In the evening we did a tremendously huge heap’o dishes and cleaned up the kitchen proper, which was good. I did laundry. Stuff like that. At night, Jeremy and I were watching “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” (I LOVE TV3 for deciding to screen 80s teen flicks every Saturday) but Kara kept ringing for Clay who’d gone to bed with an infected foot. She was going to bus over, but I told her I’d go pick her up from work, cos she’s much too nice to take a bus home at 11.30 at night. It’s just as well I did pick her up actually, cos there were literally hundreds of people waiting for buses in Newmarket cos of Christmas in the Park. Ick. “Order! Order!”

(Picking up the narrative about Saturday night from yesterday)
It was also nice that it was good wholesome alcohol free fun too, for a change. Not that it’d last though…..

Half the crew disappeared off to town, taking Andy with them, but me Clay Brad and Kate M weren’t sure if we wanted to go, so we decided to meet up at the Dog, cos Kate B was supposed to be working. Brad got in Kate M’s car, and I took Clay and Pete. Half way home, Clay called Kara @Garland, and there was a little domestic or something, so I had to take him home. We tried to call Brad or Kate M to let them know, and to see if they’d follow us to Garland so we could leave my car and all go with Kate M to Ponsonby. But noooo, of course neither of them had their cellies with them, so it turned into a mad game of chase, with me yelling at them although they couldn’t hear me, because the boys didn’t roll down their windows. You know how you’re not supposed to drive drunk (and I don’t)? Well, I think you shouldn’t be allowed to drive on that much sugar either. It was lots and lots and lots of fun though! We finally managed to make them follow us and not take the Newton off-ramp, but then just as they rolled down their windows to hear us yell we were going to Garland, they were on the Grafton offramp and we were on Manukau/Hamilton. People with cellularmaphones that don’t turn them on are dumb!

But anyways, we got home and I changed my shoes and Brad rang us from Kate M’s. Pete and I decided to drive to her dad’s house and leave my car there, and walk to the Dog. So that’s just what we did, stopping for Red Bull. By the time we got to her house, Kate M had fallen asleep, so only Brad came out with us. By the time we got to the Dog, it was past 1am, and the place was closed. We could see Kate sitting with the staff at the bar, but they pretended they didn’t see us banging on the windows. So we had to move on, and found ourselves at Grand Central. The front bit was full of Old Slappers dancing to dumb music, but we managed to snag ourselves a room all to ourselves; sofas around a fireplace with a chandelier above – a super cosy living room. We had a bottle of wine and texted Hayley, to find out that everyone was at Deschlers. Bottle finished, and we set out to walk to Deschlers.

It’s a long walk from Ponsonby to town! Well, maybe not THAT long, but 20 minutes or so, which is long when it’s cold and you’re already tired from dancing and haven’t drunk that much. But I shouldn’t whine, cos it was actually kinda fun. At Deschlers, everyone was already squozen (see, that word sounds so good when you say it, but you can’t write it down) into booths so we pulled up seats at the counter and had more drinks….

Bah, I’m bored of telling that story already. Maybe I’ll finish it tomorrow. Or maybe not. I got my hair cut today, and it looks cool. Since I got it done somewhere I’d had it done before, they had a file on me, and I saw that the last time I had a haircut there it was April 5th, so I looked back in my journal to see what my trauma’o the day then was. I only ever get haircuts when I’m excited or when I’m sad. Oh, I had a haircut in Melbourne actually, but that was in the kitchen of Anji’s flat, and it was done by her friend Ang. Incidently, you know the Libra ad for Charlies Angels that’s in a bright pink hair salon? That’s where Anji’s old flatmate works. He wanted me to get a mullet, because apparently they’re back, but I resisted. But that was all a tangent, because the woman today just cut my hair how I wanted it, whilst going on about how tall I was. However, I forgive her for that because she gave my head a massage while washing my hair, and I just about purred. I’ve decided I don’t want a boyfriend anymore – I want a hairdresser. Does it make them whores that I pay them money for the physical pleasure they give me?

Kate B came home at lunchtime today and said “oh you’re having a champange lunch” and me and Shirley and Jeremy said “yes”, and I waited for her to ask why, but she didn’t. That amused me.

Tonight Maree lured us around by making us cookies and promising to rent us a video – a NEW RELEASE even. We watched “Drop Dead Gorgeous” which was very very funny, but went on a little too long. She woke me up AGAIN at 7am this morning when she came in wearing her pajamas. I begged her not to do that last night and all! I should really go lock the dead bolt, but I need her to wake me up tomorrow morning. We’re going to have coffee before she goes to be a Teacher’s Helper at her kid’s school, and I go off to work.

Oh yes, I got a job. WAHOO! I’m not actually starting tomorrow, because by law I need 7 days to review my contract, but I am going in tomorrow to meet the staff, and to get my contract and get some background readings. I’m so stoked that I didn’t even need to interview for the job, because I met the big boss at the Expo and he was more than happy for me to come work for them, and I’d already been recomended for the position. So, a week after tech finally ended, I already have a full time job. It’s only contracted til February, but still, it’s experiance… and money. Yay! I’m very very nervous though.

“am I famous for just one thing?”

7am, I’m lying happily in bed, fast asleep when all of a sudden Maree comes in my room and jumps on my bed. Who gave her a key to our house??? Oh yeah, that was me. Whoops.

Oh, just before I go any further, Helen Urban – email me!. I have no contact details for you, girl. Ta.

Today I eventually got my shit together and went into tech to burn a copy of my cd rom, and put my other stuff together, but the goddam fucking lab was being rehauled so I couldn’t. I went to another lab to print out my cv, but of course in that lab, the printer was un-networked. Grrrrr! Very annoying. So I went home, then went to the bank to pay rent, and did the vege shopping instead. Vegtamables.

Later in the evening, Brad and I went over to Maree’s to watch “3rd Watch” because she’s being The Nanny Named Fran again, and couldn’t leave the kids. Brad went back home afterwards to eat dinner, so Maree and I sat around her kitchen table drinking tea and feeling like terribly old adults, me reading Christian magazines while she talked to James on the telephone. The rest of Garland came back with Brad – well, Jeremy Clayton and Kara anyways, and we played Postits. Clayton was Dirk Diggler, and we all guffawed mightily when he asked if he was known for just one thing. It felt strange to have the whole posse there, but to not actually be @Garland.

Kate B officially moves her stuff out on Thursday. Yesterday it was a year since Simon told me he was moving out, thus setting in place a chain of events that has been….interesting… to say the least. Well. I’ve been doing pass-throughs of her room to retrieve stuff that belongs to me – makeup and jewellery and towels. She gave me five boxes of condoms from Family Planning, because yeah, I really need them right now. They’re extra thick ones, which Jeremy told me are like gumboots. Nice.

I don’t know how to cook Roast Turkey, but we’re doing Roast Turkey for Thanksgiving Lunch on Sunday. It was going to be dinner, but Miss World’s on that night, so we have to watch that!

I haven’t written up my crazy night on Saturday, have I? Well, should I do that now? Possibly yes, yes I should. Okay then. It was Andy’s 21st, so me Clay and Brad drove out somewhere way way west in my car – I was happy to drive, because as the invitations said, by request there was no alcohol but a delicious fruit punch would be served. It was in a sports hall, which was a little newer than many sports halls, so that was cool. Andy’s mother’s kept the most amazing records of him growing up – writing down all his funny quotes and recording soundbytes of him ever since he was two. Listening to her speech, I was just thinking “awwwwww, i want a baby so i can follow them like this too!”. Incidently, Kate Benton dreamt that I was actually three years younger, and also pregnant with my ex’s kid. Thanks Kate!

Anyways, lots and lots of Andy’s friends and parents and church members made speeches. Brad and Nigel did one together, and played the “Big Tittie Monday” song Andrew wrote to promote Ryan&Jarrod’s Big Tittie Monday radio show – I dunno if the Salvation Army members fully appreciated it for the true piece of genius it is. I’m so going to get a copy of it. I must make a multimedia section for my site – I can also put in the video footage of Kate M talking about my horrible death, and oooh the video of Dancing Simon. Heheehe, I love that video so much! Anyways, eventually all the speeches were over, and we’d even prayed a little (which I thought was kinda nice actually, although when I prayed it wasn’t to any religion or to any being that I feel I know) and we all ate far too much sugary food. Andy wanted to dance then, so naturally, the Gang was called on to start off the dancing, so we did. Sugar sugar sugar is a mad thing – I even ended up dancing a jig, or trying to anyways. Nigel stagedived off a chair and we caught him. It was also nice that it was good wholesome alcohol free fun too, for a change. Not that it’d last though…..

Okay, I’m bored now. Tomorrow I will write up motorway chases, banging on windows, bathroom conversations, long walks, Brendon Lovegrove talking about my clit, barking, and the casino.

“am I famous for just one thing?”

Dammit, WHEN do I get a real proper sleepin? Thursday maaaaybe – if I’m lucky. I had to go into tech today to work on my broadcasting. My voice was even goner today – well, this morning anyways – luckily it’s kinda back now. Cos how would the world function without my screechings, eh?

At tech today, I wrote an article about how Michael Jackson came to our Expo, and propositioned Joe for some “back ending” work. I wrote an article about how the staff at AUT have been secretly selling our bandwidth to buy Pajeros. I wrote an article about how the notorious hacker k1w1w3b hacked the Expo site. I like writing crap, oh yes I do! So that was tech. I came back home to watch the fight with the boys and drink beer, but I fell asleep before hand briefly, and didn’t want any beer. I’ve never watched boxing before, and I can’t say I really focused on it today either. Instead I rang my mummy, and discovered that her and Neil and Anji are driving up to Auckland tomorrow, and Anji is staying three nights with me. Mum and Neil are going to stay in the motel down the road where I used to work – well, for two days anyway. Yay, this is cool. Except that I’m just choto busy. But still, I can make them waffles and stuff.

Kara is also staying with us for a week, while being homeless. She’s lovely. She cooked us dinner. I hope we don’t scare her TOO much – scaring her a little is fine. I watched The Rock tonight. I really have nothing to say. Oh, I changed my bed linen so now it’s my lovely pink set. That’s about as exciting as my life gets. We dragged sleeping bags out onto the lawn today to get a little sunshine. Clayton and Kara came back inside covered in grass. Oh to be young and frolicky again. Oh wait, I am still young. Just not frolicking. I’ve had so many good gossips to people lately, and also not just gossips, actual good serious conversations too. No wonder I lost my voice. I need my voice back before I make a speech at the Expo. Oh, and I’m cleaning up my site tonight, on account of going to maybe give industry people my url, so if there’s something you wanna see again but you can’t find, just email me for the link, k? Goodo. “Maybe later – I’ve got creamy goodness in my mouth right now”

This is me not writing one of like 3 or 4 reports that I’m supposed to be writing. Yes, I am a bad bad girl. I have an awful lot of work on right now. I was at tech from noon until after 8pm today, and I imagine the rest of the week will follow a similar pattern. You end up going kinda stir crazy in the labs, especially when there’s not that many people there except for like Nikki and Helen. I wish I could turn cartwheels. I had huge huge urges to do them today – a combination of sneakers and frustration I guess. My sneakers are good because they’re pumas, and Puma wasn’t mentioned in “No Logo” so therefore they can’t be exploiting anyone anywhere, really. I just wonder why Sirling Sports uses Korn on their TV ads to advertise Puma. Haven’t they ever heard of a little song called “A.D.I.D.A.S” ?

I spent the evening fighting with Quest. It’s such a dumb fucking program, but I suspect Authorware would have been as bad. I don’t know how to put in links from one page to another, which is just a wee bit of a problem. I think I only like Timeline based programs like Flash and Director now. I suspect that my journal entries for the rest of the week will be as boring as this one. I was emailing Kini at work today, as you do, and I was like (okay, paraphrasing now) “Kini I’m bored and tense, I want a shag – don’t tell me to go for a jog instead” and she wrote me back going “go for a jog instead and save yourself a whole heap’o trouble” and so I wrote back “since when have i ever had any trouble after shags?” She stopped writing to me then. I heart Kini. Lots and lots. When I’m a millionaire, I’m so going to hire a herd of elephants to come storming up her street scattering rose petals, just to suprise her. And if you think I’m spoiling the suprise by saying it here, well, would you really think it’s something you’d expect anyways?

I’m starting to suspect that none of my flatmates live here anymore, except the dishes stacked on the bench would suggest otherwise. Ooh, I jsut had a 2 minute chat with Brad who just got home, and will be getting up again at 5.30am for his internship. Clay’s not home – I have no idea where he is. Probabyl somewhere with Kara. Kate WAS home, but has since gone to Johnno’s. I may as well live alone at this rate! However, Jeremy might move in over the summer, subletting Kate’s room while she’s in Queenstown, so that’d be cool.

I couldn’t sleep last night, so I read a “Freshman Dorm” book that I stole from Morrison. It was every bit as atrocious as the name sounds. I’m not that sleepy today, all things considered. I’ve drank an awful lot of water, so I’m peeing every 20 minutes. Oh, did I tell you about our new flat game? It’s called 5PLUS. All it involves is us each trying to have five or more servings of fruit & veges a day, and keeping talley on the whiteboard. Sounds simple, I know, but it’s a way for us to be competitive AND be healthy. Brilliant. Of course, having said that, we’ve now run out of fruit, and god knows when anyone will have time to go to the vege store. Of course, Foodtown IS 24 hours, but I’m already in my Pajamas. I’m sleepy. It’s midnight. I should write a report on our special technological problem, or do a report on the entire project, but no. Wrist hurts. Should sleep, or read crap books or somefink. Do you know what I want? I want a giant to sleep with. No, this isn’t some penis size thing – it’s that cats always sleep curled up at the back of your knees, right? Well, I want someone so big that I can sleep curled up in THEIR knees. It’s different from spooning. I’d also love a Tiger to sleep with. That’d be lovely, as long as it was tame.

I read an article that discussed whether or not penguins fall over backwards due to watching aeroplanes flying overhead. This makes me laugh lots. I like penguins. I like bears. I like people in animal costumes. And pirates too. There should be more pirates on TV.

“arrrrr squiddy, I’ve nothing against you!”

I’m so very very tired, and it’s not even ten pm yet, so if I go to sleep now, I’ll wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to sleep again. What a dilema! But oh my god, I’m just so so tired. Clay has Kara and another couple over for dinner, and when we were all sitting around the dining room table, eating by candlelight, I nearly keeled over into my bowl of soup.

I should call Shirley, because I haven’t talked to her in literally a week, which is a long time to go without one of your best friends. Maybe she’s annoyed at me because the last thing I said to her after the Dinner last thursday was me calling her the name that’s synomymus with all things skanky to us in jest. Or maybe she thinks I’m mad at her. Or maybe she’s just as busy as me.

I didn’t go into tech today, because I felt sick. Not hungover sick, actually, thank you very much, but sick as in my belly felt all woozy the way it had the day before, which wasn’t hangover sick either. On further reflection today, I’m even more disturbed by my taxi driver. I mean, we were having the conversation he started about me becoming mistress to a rich man, and he was like “he’ll move you into his penthouse and the wife will have to move out” so I said “well if she’s nice, maybe she won’t have to – I’d hate to put her out” and he was like “so you’re into threesomes then are you?” and I was like there’s a line and you just crossed it, buddy, but I didn’t say anything.

I think I’m worn out from being social. I just want to watch TV all night and not to have to talk to people I don’t know all that well, but Clay’s playing Video Nazi, so I can’t watch the West Wing. I’m starting to respect the most my friends that I can have comfortable silences with. Don’t get me wrong, I love going out and having a good time and everything, but I’m feeling very very introverted right now. I think when I’m tired my levels of tolerance sink even lower, so it’s like every time someone asks me a question I resent them for it. Unlike Clayton, Brad doesn’t ask me questions – well hardly never, anyways. Lately I’ve been coming home every day to announce a new crush on a different boy, and Brad’s always been like “okay, sweet”.

Blech, up down, up down up down up down up down up down. This gets boring real quick, eh. I’m waiting for something amazing to happen to me again. I’m tired of caring about myself, I need someone else to look after. Kate Benton’s moving to Queenstown in December – for the summer. This sucks, I don’t want her to go, but I also don’t want her to be with John if that’s going to hurt her as much as I know it’s going to. We’re going to try and sublet out her room because we would quite like her to stay on with us. Maybe Hot Toddy will take the room – Justin reckons he’d be very keen (but not as Kean as Justin) but I haven’t actually managed to speak to him yet. Todd’s a school teacher, which I find very very funny – so he probably wouldn’t even be working most of the time he lived here. It’ll be a change to live with all guys again – I’ll be losing my primary emotional suppport base. But of course, I’ll be busy in my fantastic new job anyways. Yeah.

“………”

Monday August 28th, 2000

Brad wrote on the whiteboard this morning “You did it all for the nookie!!! – did he sign a pre-nup first?” I voted against him for that, and then gave myself a vote too for good measure. There’s something very sordid about still being up drinking when flatmates get up to go to tech.

Around 8am, I got out of bed and went and jumped in bed with Kate, but she was just getting up so I couldn’t sleep there. Instead, I ate m&ms while she smoked her morning cigarette, and freaked her out because I’d had no sleep and was on an over-tired sugar rush, whereas she was very slow and fragile. She made me come to town with her in my pajamas, after I crept into my room for sunglasses and a bandana. I just sat in the car so she could doublepark to drop off her library books though, it wasn’t a major journey. Then we came home and she went back to bed – they were desk copy books so she had to have them back early. I was sugarhigh, so I washed the dishes and then flicked between infomercials and children’s television. It was kinda disturbing, because I found myself talking to the television more than I usually do – “yeah, it’s always a real pain for me having to push the bristle button on the vacuum cleaner” and of course agreeing with the monsters on Seaseme Street. I’m not a morning person. But it was fantastic to get to watch re-runs of Shortland Street.

Mmm, new placebo album.

Eventually I got bored with housework, so I went back to my room and turned my stereo on real loud and kicked someone out for not believing me when I said that I was going to marry Robbie Williams. Then I did some fun exciting tech work. I have to go in at 8am tomorrow, which will be so unfun. Kate’s got to do her seminar then as well so at least I won’t be alone. I think I will sleep very well tonight, guilt aside, although I did have a luscious nap this afternoon after eating Wendys. Mmmm hangover food.

Oh, it looks like Kara AND Kate M are both staying over tonight. Honestly, where have the collective morals of this flat gone? I mean, we endevour to eat more vegetables and spend quality time with each other, but I don’t think that’s enough, eh. Somehow I’m making the invites for Trudie’s 21st now as well. Well, not “somehow” – I know exactly how it happened – she asked and I said yes. I guess it’s all experience. I’m supposed to be doing a webpage for Momma, once she gets around to getting her content in order. I had this really horrible dream the other night that I had some kind of weird Cot Death kinda condition going on that meant I could die at any minute. Mum and Neil were going to take me to the hospital, but I stopped to shave my legs first. I was wearing my orange static tshirt and a green skirt, which just wasn’t a good look. But I was really glad that I had a chance to say goodbye to Neil before I went. I woke up before I got to the hospital, so I guess I’ll never know if I would have died or not. Hopefully not, cos dying in your dreams is some horrible shit right there.

You know, talking to Brad today, it occured to me that this isn’t my journal anymore. It’s ceased to be about me, and is now basically entirely about the Garland Gang as a whole. That’s okay though, I can just keep me inside my head instead. <!– and most of the time I seem so nasty that that’s probably the best place for me –> Hmmm, I just set my alarm for 6am, so that I can make it into town by 8am (I get out of bed and reset it for another half hour of sleep or so, and then maybe another half hour). That scares me muchly. I’m very not a morning person. Good England there, Joanna. When Kate and I were watching Rikki today (“My first interracial date”) I kept yelling at ads for using incomplete sentences. I think I’m wasted in my chosen field, eh. I should go work in some private British school, where I get to yell at children all day long and cane them for doing wrong. I should be somewhere very far away from all the crappy television I watch anyways. Although it was the wedding episode on Home and Away today, and didn’t Sally just look lovely? Lay one on me, Steveo!

I tripped over Kate’s real solid cloglike shoes before, and managed to knock them up so that they wacked me on that strange bone that sticks out of your ankle. Oww, oww oww oww! There’s a visable bruise from that now.

These are highlights from my journal that I kept in my red book in Australia. Obviously, it’s not everything. I was doing a whole bunch of thinking, and no one needs to read all of that. But these are the entertaining highlight parts.

Sunday, June 18th, 2000

So, on that note, let’s move on to Airport stories, ignoring the obvious parallels between this and my last trip to Australia. It was so lovely, being with Maree and Kate M and Brad and CLayton, the people I’m closest to. And yes, of course I cried. I’m going to be away a whole month, and I feel really bad about leaving Brad with all the responsibility of the bills and with finding us a flatmate. But honestly, this trip has been what has gotten me through the past couple of weeks. I have never needed or deserved a holiday more!

****

Stuff is nifty. My feet hurt from queing though! It took soooo long to get through customs. I got stuck in the middle of a whole bunch of Taiwanese on a package tour. They had a tour guide with them, I think, because he talked a lot, loudly, and everyone laughed. He had Elvis hair, and despite his saggy man breasts and beer belly, he was wearng a tight tshirt. It was truel truely hideous! There is a smell like rotton eggs on this plane, which is pretty hideous too.

I’m really excited about this holiday, despite the fact that I’m going to miss my Auckland friends like crazy. It’s going to be really good for me to spend some time alone and record my thoughts. I don’t have to be scared about what I’m thinking either, which is a pleasant change. You know what? I am so proud of myself for surviving when I thought I couldn’t. I mean, I know I broke down and begged Thomas to help me, but when he didn’t, I managed to pull through. Thank god for Shirley and Maree, and Mum especially. All my _friends_ mean so much to me. I want to make them proud of me by taking better care of myself.

Oh, the plane is taking off now. Bye bye Auckland! I wonder if we’ll crash. I don’t think I’d mind – not because I want to die, but because I feel really at peace right now. I’ve had my breakthroughs and everything. Oh dear, I think I’m going to cry again. I _always_ fucking cry at airports, although never before as bad as the last time.

You know, Kara has never seen me sober. Oh dear, she must think I’m a fucking fruit bat. Brave girl, I think she’s lovely. Clayton shouldn’t have been talking about Shirley in front of her. Neither should I. Damn. Ahh well. He’s such a sweetie, I hope they’re happy together!

*****

I think I have developed an unnatural obsession with my drink. I am amazed at how the lemon slice perfectly fits half the glass. I’m intrigued by the bubbles, and wondering how the fuck they could be drawn. I want to scan my glass and use it for a background for Hubris. I need to redesign. I want floating text over a fixed background. It looks like there’s a bullet mark in my window. I could see the bullet moving in slow motion through the window into me, and it just felt like the needle last time they took my blood. There was a _lot_ of vodka in this drink, I think. Oh, they’re serving dinne! It must be all of five pm. How Grandma! I’m still very full from my Pork McRib, but I’ll have a pick at it anyway. The pork McRib was very disappointing, unsuprisingly since I’ve been waiting 3 weeks for it. BUt still, it was good to have a goal!

Ohhh I have reached the very middle of this book. That is very cool. I only wish there was more good writing in this book, instead of dumb babble. Do you think I will ever be published? I’d so love that. I wish I could write a novel, something that would affect other people. I know I’m not supposed to talk about this, but the thing I am most terrified of is that I had no impact on Thomas at all, that I haven’t been significant to him. I know that was the case with Morphine Matt, and both of them affected _me_ so profoundly. I would hate it more than anything if I just didn’t matter to Thomas, if I hadn’t changed or enhanced him in any way.

Chicken or beef? Chicken or beef? Chicken I think. I wonder if I’ll eat again in Melbourne. Probably. But we might save Mihn Mihns for another night. Damn the vegetarian meal smells nice. I am so not hungry though. I had chocolate covered coffee beans and red bull for breakfast today. It made me babble lots, all that caffeine. I think everyone thinks i am looking better too. Sure, I’ve probably put back on the weight I lost (looser jeans were fun!) but maybe I have my spark back. I thought it was gone for good. What’s that Leonard Cohen line? “Thanks for the trouble you took from her eyes – I thought it was there for good, so I never tried”. Well, maybe one day I’ll meet the brother that will make me truely happy.

Witty banter again – the plane wings look awfully flimsy. I wonder if they are made from paper, and if that is completely legal. I should go find a bathroom sometime. After the meal. It’s okay – airplane toilets are too small to kneel in. I rememebr dancing around in my underwear last night in the handicapped stall at Roasted Adiquition, in between sari re-arrangements. Sassy! I’m so glad Shirley liked my speech – I just didn’t know how to do justice to all the things that she’s done for me.

The clouds look just like icebergs. I wonder if I’ll see any dancing penguins. Who the fuck came up with that concept, anyways? I mean, what links chips and penguins??? Oh wait, i guess they ARE called Bluebird. But penguins seem to show up in the oddest places. I mean, Squirt? Linux? What’s going on? Is there some secret penguin conspiracy? Maybe the Emperor penguins are taking themselves too literally.

I think coke should go back to 500mls, and the price should go down again. Fuck that dollar sixty stuff. Oh sorry, that came from me thinking about the 250ml cans you get on aeroplanes. In Japan, coke sometimes comes in 200ml cans, like Red Bull, only they have pull ring tabs that come right off, which are far more dangerous. Oh my god, I remember drinking like, cocoa and shit out of cans too. Here comes the drinks trolley again. But I’d better not. I feel drunk already.

Well, dinner’s over now, and I’m enjoying dessert. It was Chicken curry – not bad, pretty much like Eastern Curries. Better than the Healthy Choice monstrosity Brad brought home yesterday. I am, I am looking after myself! This custard looks remarkably like (admittedly yellower) semen, but it sure tastes a whole lot better. Oh I want your hot cum all over my tits! I think it’s a lot worse watching porn when you are no longer a naive little virgin. Although, quite frankly, how i managed to go through with intercourse after the penetration shots is beyond me!

****

Mmmm, filter coffee, blarrgh! Oh, AND a Bardot remix. Choysa tea, man. And speaking of tea, man I have embraced it very quickly. Which is a good thing. I am way too on edge. One day I am going to have a shoulder massage that won’t hurt because I’ll be so relaxed. Oh yes, I will! But whilst in Melbourne and Wellington, I’ll drink coffee. I don’t know how i’ll get through the days at the MOE otherwise. Mmmmm Fuel Coffee! And mmmm Fuel Hot Chocolate.

****

I think relationships should come with airsick bags. Motion sickness. Emotion sickness. Oh god, I am quoting silverchair. Just as well I switched to the concert station. Goddamit that coffee is FOUL. I really need to pee, but I think there’s someone in the bathroom. This polynesian guy and girl just walked past. They couldn’t have been more than 17, but they were carrying a baby. What goes on?

*****

We must get into Melbourne pretty soon hopefully. I have steel bladder, I can hold on! Fuck it’s going to be good to see Anji again. Must remember to claim sleeping bag. And ask at the bus counter where to get off closest to Fitzroy. Fuck I’ve written heaps. I’m going to read through again.

Ahh, aeroplane toilets. There’s a sign on the door inside that says “please lock” which I think is really unfair, because like, I’d really prefer for everyone to see me peeing. The rubbish bin has funny pictures of things on it that you’re supposed to dispose of in there – emotion sickness bags, razors, nappys. But then there’s something really weird that I can’t figure out, but I guess it must be a pad. Fucking odd looking pad. Maybe it’s like the real old fashioned kind you have to hook onto a belt thingie, like in “Are you there God, it’s me, Margaret”. Maybe. I’m cold. I want my hoodie. Only no, that’s in the cargo hold somewhere.

What does scratch aeroplane windows? They are always scratched, as far as I can tell, but it’s not like planes drive through foliage or anything. What an odd concept!

I keep writign down little quirky observations just like i keep going to reach for my bag and cellie to check for text messages. Only, no, my cellie is in Auckland, n a bag with my Macy Gray cd, my Geri book, and Ru-bear. I miss them all already!

I don’t get why Channel 7 is so much quieter than the other channels. Maybe I should write a letter of complaint. Ha! Beck is on the crooners’ channel, with “tropacalia”. That amuses me biglots.

Wow, I never knew where Melbourne was on the map until now. 46 minutes left. I’m bored. I need something to read! I want my cellphone and text messaging. Ah well. Maybe I’ll try napping. Oh fuck, I had coffee. Hmm, I need another vodka.

Later:

The airport seemd to take forever to clear. Then I had to find my way to the Skybus, and tere was absolutely nowhere to dump my trolley. I had to take it back into the terminal, where I gave it to some woman so she didn’t have to pay to get herself one (I was at the domestic terminal by that stage). But I managed to get myself onto the bus okay, and the bus driver told me to get off at Franklin Station. I was so so tired at that stage, and I just started thinking about how badly lost I got the last time. Plus, I think all the stress of the past month really started catching up to me, and I just about started to bawl. But I didn’t.

Getting off the bus, I was faced with the problem of finding a taxi. I’d kinda thought there would be a rank at the bus station, but no. So instead I set out to walk to a busy looking road, with my handbag and a backpack and suitcase and sleeping bag. I was _not_ a happy camper! No cabs passed me by, so I was searching for a rank. I finally came to some huge big building, so I figured there had to be one there. There was – it just had no taxis waiting. But there were about a dozen Asians. We all had to wait at least ten minutes before the first taxi arrived, and then of course, they got it first. A little while later another taxi came along, and i asked if he could take me to Fitzroy. He said he could, but was I first in line? No. So he said he’d call me another one. Then this girl came up to me and said she’d ordered a couple of taxis. She asked me where I was going, and suggested we share, so I agreed. A taxi came along then, and another one for the last of the Asians, and we were finally off. When we got to Napier Street, the girl said not to worry about paying, but the driver suggested i pay $5, so I did. They were both lovely. If I’d had to wait much longer for a taxi, I probably would have cried!

So we sat around in Anji’s lounge, and I met her flatmate Mike. He has two chicks staying with him, Racheal and Ange, who looked really really similar. At first I thought they were sisters, but when I saw them snogging, I realised otherwise. Racheal “did my numbers” for me, and what I read in the book seemed very true. Ange said she’d cut my hair for me, yay! We smoked some pot and had some red wine, then decided to flag going out to dinner because I was too tired, and Anji seemed kinda tired too. Instead, we ordered in Italian. Anji and I shared a vegetarian pizza. Mike brought down his cd mixer, so we played all sorts of music, from Flying Nun classics to very cool techno. Him and Rach had a fight and looked just like Tekken characters. Later they danced very cooly, like someone from Bust-A-Groove. It was nifty. The one downer was when they started playing Beth Orton, but I thought “no, I’m being dumb”. I am going to reclaim music, and create NEW associations for it. So there!

I’m reading Lolita because I feel like I should. Maybe it’ll offer insight into the whole school girl thing!

When I went to bed, I was like “awww I don’t have my teddy bear” so Anji biffed this huge big bear at me that belongs to Timmy. So I slept with that, and it was lovely. The bear was bigger around than Thomas even, but snored less.

Sunday, June 11th, 2000

I’m really happy cos I finished my cd rom today, and it looks okay. I was dumb and forgot to bundle Quicktime with it, so I might have to go and burn a new copy, but I dunno if I can be assed. Guess what everyone’s getting for Xmas? Yes, that’s right. I already had everyone in the multimedia lab today singing “Stop” as I was digitizing my dancing Brad footage.

Then I came home, and I meant to study, but I had to talk on the phone to people, and then I took the paper back to bed cos it was so cold, and then I was warm so I couldn’t get up, and then I had to talk to Shirley for ages, and then I had to watch TV and then Maree came over.

We watched Return to Treasure Island which was very amusing, and then L.A. Confidential. We decided we’re going to invite Russell Crowe and Guy Pierce over to play. We’re happy to share, but I’m going to take Russell first, cos I feel like having a Man kinda Man. It was a really really good movie, even if we did have to go get Macdonalds in the middle of it. I ate like 8 mikan, but they just weren’t doing anything for me. Whoops, that’s mandarins, sorry.

Oh, oh, last night! Clayton’s girlfriend is absolutely lovely, we were very impressed. I’m sure she somehow let me win when we were playing “Agitation” just to get into the good books. I think she didn’t quite get me and Brad, but then again, no one really does. I remember complaining to Thomas once when he didn’t laugh at a joke of mine going “if BRAD was here, he’d laugh” and Thomas was like “Brad laughs at everything you say anyways” but it’s not just mindless laughter, I swear! We’re just on another level. If everyone else knew how to play Song Association, the whole world could laugh along too.

After dinner and lots and lots of wine, Brad and Kate M went off to his room, and Clay and Kara were going to watch a video, so I made Si come to my room to give the kids some privacy. He played on IRC, and I went to bed, quite tired, and quite drunk. I babbled dumbly for ages, but eventually I managed to shut up, and went straight to sleep after his ride came to get him.

Oh oh oh, I need a flatmate, still, really really badly. If everyone could maybe just email Maree and tell her to stop being Kimmy Gibbler and be Stephanie instead, that might help. (for those of you that don’t watch Full House, basically we all want her to stop being the crazy neighbour, and be an actual part of the family). Of course, this is emotional blackmail, which isn’t nice, so umm, sorry Maree. But you love us really.

It’s a week until my birthday, which means it’s a week and one day until I can get the hell out of here. It’s also 5 days until the new macdonalds burgers come out. Yes, I am measuring time tragically. Bear with me.

This morning I was woken up by hearing Brad walking into the lounge and bursting into laughter, and I thought “oh yes, that’s right, he’s amused that my friend is sleeping there” and then I tried to get back to sleep in the hopes that he wouldn’t be there when I got up. But that didn’t work, so I drove him home in my pajamas. And then came home and Brad laughed at me some more. Meanie.

Dig my funky hair styles. Yes, I decided instead of going bright red, I’d get a cut and perm:

<!– Oh, by the way, I am officially not pregnant. I am relieved –>

Cool huh? I thought so. I know it’s a little radical, but hey.

Clayton is bringing his GIRLFRIEND over for dinner tonight, so she can meet his ‘parents’. Brad and I have been cackling wickedly and planning mischief which we won’t follow through on. I’d better go do the dishes and vacuum now. I’d hate to make a bad impression! Except of course, Si showed up today and is also coming for dinner, which is a bad impression right there. Heh.

Oh we need a new flatmate like super urgently last week. So, if you or anyone you know is looking for a flat in Auckland, please do email me. Ta!