Hubris.co.nz

Friday 19; February, 1999

Joanna: yeah I know I’m a dirty old man – here I am, friday night and I’m at home chasing porn on the computer

Heather: Yeah, attempting cyber sex with a minor, tsk tsk.

Joanna: hahahahaah – so, what are you wearing?

Heather: Well, despite the fact that it’s 0 degrees celsius outside, and that we have a bad vent system in the house, nothing but a red garter belt and a smile, my usual internet surfing getup.
And you? Boxers or briefs?

Joanna: I’m wearing an old dirty raincoat

Heather: Yeah, um, did I mention that I’m 12? Want my address?
Phone number? Last name? MAybe you could visit here and I could meet you in your scuzzy hotel room? We could watch cable and eat McDonald’s.

And that’s all the action that’s happening in my life right now. Like I said, it’s Friday night, and I’m at home, alone until Clayton and Leyton finish their respective work – which won’t make it more ragey. Want to know how trajic my life is? Okay, I’ll scan in my horoscope from She & More: MY GOD! IT ACTUALLY CAME TRUE!

I have to wait until FUCKING APRIL for him? JESUS WEPT MAN! Think he’s worth it?

So yeah, anyways, I have exciting news. I’m now servicing ‘units’ at a motel around the corner, at an hourly rate. Oooooh baby, I’m so fully shagged now. Fucking exhausting work. Seriously though, have you ever made 7 king sized beds in a row? The other cleaner, Paula confused the fuck out of me for ages going “and lux this room and then that one” – apparently, luxing is like the Greymouth word for vacuuming. Go figure. I have to remember to check under the beds for used condoms. Loverly. But the motel itself is brand spanking new, it’s one minute’s walk from my house, and I get $10 an hour. The downside is that it’s completly exhausting (oi – try doing it yourself before questioning that) and I’m now On-Call Friday Saturday and Sunday mornings. Bonus. Guess who might be leaving her phone off the hook after hard nights out? I guess I should email my parents and tell them. They’d be so proud!

I think that’s everything. But MAN! How depressing is that horroscope? Just when I’d decided that I need to find someone to sleep with because damned if I ever wanna make my own bed from now on!!!

Thursday 14; January, 1999

Oh yeah, last night Si, Si’s mommy and I went for dinner in Parnell. We were walking down the road when all of a sudden someone streaked out of a cafe, ran up to me and hugged me before I knew what was happening. It was Derek – YAY! So we had a chat, and I was really thrilled to learn that he is coming back to AIT this year after all. Faaaaaaaantastic. And so is Trudie. Now all we need is Tasha and Rochelle to come back too and we’ll be sweetassbro.

The cafe we went to was really really crap, but Simon’s momma paid so I guess I shouldn’t complain. Anyways, back to Thursday.

Ummm we went to town and sorted out Bank Stuff, then we went to Victoria Park Markets which SUCK, then met my parents at my storage unit in Three Kings to help them unload all my stuff. I’m so going to hire a moving truck to move it all into our flat. Fucked if I can be bothered carrying all those boxes!

So yeah, Thursday was really boring. OOooh wait, I saw Tom Larkin walking past back at the motel, so I realised that Shihad were staying there too. They were in a unit across the courtyard from us. Si kept going to check his washing so that he could walk past them. Mmmmmm Jon Toogood. And apparently another welly band – probably the Hasselhoff Experiance were staying there too. They were noisy waaaaaay into the night. We talked about going over and being groupies, but then I chickened out. Probably if Jo had been there I woulda gone.

Wednesday 13; January, 1999

Would you trust me with a map? Well, Si Si and his momma did. It was my job to navigate us from potential flat to potential flat, and I have to say I did a pretty damn good job. I only got us seriously lost one time. And hell, U-turns across major intersections are basically what life is all about. When you’re in Auckland anyways.

The first flat we looked at was a basement in Grey Lynn. Actually we did that on the night of the 12th, but I’d forgotten about that. So yeah, it was 4 bedrooms in Grey Lynn, but, like I said, it was a basement. So that was a no-no.

The first flat we saw was four bedrooms in Mount Eden. It was too expensive, at $480 and some of the rooms being single, but oh well. Good location and all that, on a street between Dominion and Mt Eden Roads, but yeah, too expensive. Sigh. So that house was a nice Villa-ish place. The next place we looked at was um… a little more ‘characterish’. It was down in Newton, in an almost industrialish looking area. Right beside the front door was a little window, with red glass and a safety grill across all of it apart from a little slit. I thought that was kinda odd, but I didn’t pay much attention, until we were standing in the first bedroom, and the hanging clothes rail and panelled mirrors on the wall reminded me completly of the Moonlight Lounge. So I asked the guy if the place used to be a brothel, and I was right (natch). That explained the showers in three of the bedrooms then!!! So yeah. The one communal shower didn’t have a door, only curtains, and there was a spa bath full of slime out in the all concrete courtyard. So yeah. It definitely had character. But the rooms were kinda poky, the house was like a labyrinth, and the living areas were too small. I wouldn’t have minded living in a brothel – hell, both my sisters do. (Have B.A, will whore!!!).

I don’t think Si’s momma would have been too happy if we’d taken the place, anyways. The next place in Grey Lynn. It was stunning, fantastic location, colourful large bedrooms, PURPLE kitchen with new stainless steel appliances. Only trouble was that it was 3/4 bedrooms, which meant that the lounge could be used as a fourth bedroom, but then there’d be like no living area. So yeah, we had to flag that one, which I regretted.

The last flat we looked at was in Greenlane. Four big bedrooms, although two of them were locked, wooden floors, large lounge, large kitchen, dining room, covered patio……….. seven knives stuck in the stove, expensive looking stereo equipment, allpowering stench of pot, locks on all the bedroom doors and cupboards, and most interestlingly, about a metre of pot spread out on newspapers in one of the rooms that I initially overlooked. Dodgy stuff. We handed over a bond immediately.

So yeah, that was really cool, having found a flat. In the evening, we went to the K’Road Ballroom to meet up with Jo and assorted Vision people. That was odd. Then we went to Brazil which has cool decor and music but absolutely CRAP service and the milk doesn’t live in the fridge so it tastes like egg white – bleeeeergk. They fucked up the orders. Or we did. Oh well.

I couldn’t sleep AGAIN that night, although this time I had the sense to take down the clock and put it in the bathroom. I really really HATE things that tick. They drive me absolutely mad. Eventually I had to get up and read Douglas Coupland’s “Girlfriend in a Coma” for a while and then the book turned really nasty so I had to finish it. So yeah, I got to bed by 6am. Sigh. Great book though. Freaky as shit.