Hubris.co.nz

Okay, so I thought I knew passion and lust before, but oh I was so so wrong. I saw “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” today, and oh my god gaaaaaaaaah I am so in love with Chang Chen. See the movie and you’ll see what I mean. He was the bandit, with the wild hair and cheekbones you could cut yourself on, eyes smouldering with passion, lean bodied, and oh the passion between him and Jen! Sorry, excuse me while I just drown in my own juices. I want him, I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him.

I must go see the movie again. And you should too. Go to www.crouchingtiger.com to see tidbits of him. It was a brilliant brilliant film – amazing fights, amazing cinematography, a good storyline, and best of all the love and the passion between Jen and Lo and the parallel passion of the other two – wow.

That website lets you make your own trailers for it, so I made one, just using what I thought were the clips with Lo in them. The actual movie trailers are so so much better – and you might have already seen and drooled over them if you’ve been to the Deluxe Cinemas lately, or possibly the Rialto, but the clip I made can be seen here. And if that doesn’t work, sorry. But it was beautiful anyways. He’s a beautiful man – he can steal my comb then tie me up any day.

I wanna learn martial arts!

Yeah, so that was like, the highlight of my year I’d say. Heh. I smell like Midori now, but it’s not from drinking – it’s from Melon bubble bath that I got for Xmas. My parents are driving me a little mad, and there’s a suspicious bump on my neck (not to mention a three inch scratch from a finger nail across my belly) but that’s life innit? I was so happy to hear from Si that yes we can stay at his grandmother’s in Taupo I yelled out “Yes! Yes!” in the middle of Courtney Place.

I hope I have dreams about this movie tonight. Mmmmmmmmmmmm!

(Picking up the narrative about Saturday night from yesterday)
It was also nice that it was good wholesome alcohol free fun too, for a change. Not that it’d last though…..

Half the crew disappeared off to town, taking Andy with them, but me Clay Brad and Kate M weren’t sure if we wanted to go, so we decided to meet up at the Dog, cos Kate B was supposed to be working. Brad got in Kate M’s car, and I took Clay and Pete. Half way home, Clay called Kara @Garland, and there was a little domestic or something, so I had to take him home. We tried to call Brad or Kate M to let them know, and to see if they’d follow us to Garland so we could leave my car and all go with Kate M to Ponsonby. But noooo, of course neither of them had their cellies with them, so it turned into a mad game of chase, with me yelling at them although they couldn’t hear me, because the boys didn’t roll down their windows. You know how you’re not supposed to drive drunk (and I don’t)? Well, I think you shouldn’t be allowed to drive on that much sugar either. It was lots and lots and lots of fun though! We finally managed to make them follow us and not take the Newton off-ramp, but then just as they rolled down their windows to hear us yell we were going to Garland, they were on the Grafton offramp and we were on Manukau/Hamilton. People with cellularmaphones that don’t turn them on are dumb!

But anyways, we got home and I changed my shoes and Brad rang us from Kate M’s. Pete and I decided to drive to her dad’s house and leave my car there, and walk to the Dog. So that’s just what we did, stopping for Red Bull. By the time we got to her house, Kate M had fallen asleep, so only Brad came out with us. By the time we got to the Dog, it was past 1am, and the place was closed. We could see Kate sitting with the staff at the bar, but they pretended they didn’t see us banging on the windows. So we had to move on, and found ourselves at Grand Central. The front bit was full of Old Slappers dancing to dumb music, but we managed to snag ourselves a room all to ourselves; sofas around a fireplace with a chandelier above – a super cosy living room. We had a bottle of wine and texted Hayley, to find out that everyone was at Deschlers. Bottle finished, and we set out to walk to Deschlers.

It’s a long walk from Ponsonby to town! Well, maybe not THAT long, but 20 minutes or so, which is long when it’s cold and you’re already tired from dancing and haven’t drunk that much. But I shouldn’t whine, cos it was actually kinda fun. At Deschlers, everyone was already squozen (see, that word sounds so good when you say it, but you can’t write it down) into booths so we pulled up seats at the counter and had more drinks….

Bah, I’m bored of telling that story already. Maybe I’ll finish it tomorrow. Or maybe not. I got my hair cut today, and it looks cool. Since I got it done somewhere I’d had it done before, they had a file on me, and I saw that the last time I had a haircut there it was April 5th, so I looked back in my journal to see what my trauma’o the day then was. I only ever get haircuts when I’m excited or when I’m sad. Oh, I had a haircut in Melbourne actually, but that was in the kitchen of Anji’s flat, and it was done by her friend Ang. Incidently, you know the Libra ad for Charlies Angels that’s in a bright pink hair salon? That’s where Anji’s old flatmate works. He wanted me to get a mullet, because apparently they’re back, but I resisted. But that was all a tangent, because the woman today just cut my hair how I wanted it, whilst going on about how tall I was. However, I forgive her for that because she gave my head a massage while washing my hair, and I just about purred. I’ve decided I don’t want a boyfriend anymore – I want a hairdresser. Does it make them whores that I pay them money for the physical pleasure they give me?

Kate B came home at lunchtime today and said “oh you’re having a champange lunch” and me and Shirley and Jeremy said “yes”, and I waited for her to ask why, but she didn’t. That amused me.

Tonight Maree lured us around by making us cookies and promising to rent us a video – a NEW RELEASE even. We watched “Drop Dead Gorgeous” which was very very funny, but went on a little too long. She woke me up AGAIN at 7am this morning when she came in wearing her pajamas. I begged her not to do that last night and all! I should really go lock the dead bolt, but I need her to wake me up tomorrow morning. We’re going to have coffee before she goes to be a Teacher’s Helper at her kid’s school, and I go off to work.

Oh yes, I got a job. WAHOO! I’m not actually starting tomorrow, because by law I need 7 days to review my contract, but I am going in tomorrow to meet the staff, and to get my contract and get some background readings. I’m so stoked that I didn’t even need to interview for the job, because I met the big boss at the Expo and he was more than happy for me to come work for them, and I’d already been recomended for the position. So, a week after tech finally ended, I already have a full time job. It’s only contracted til February, but still, it’s experiance… and money. Yay! I’m very very nervous though.

“am I famous for just one thing?”

I don’t actually spend all of my time drunk. I’m not sure if I’ve made that clear enough recently in my journal. I do actually do other things. Really. I just don’t write about them, although in my head, I’m constantly telling stories.

A couple of days ago, Kate H and I took Brad shopping for a new shirt. We were hoping to be able to end up doing a shopping montage scene, ala Pretty Woman, but he wouldn’t try many things on. Eventually though, we did get him a really cool shirt, and so he bought us coffees.

Shirley dropped lollipops all over my bed today when she came in while I was still sleeping. Well, I was half asleep anyways. Justin had been over much much earlier, and he’s kinda hard to sleep through. I made scones, and we had Sunday Lunch, with her and Kate B and Kate M who was still there although Brad was not. I find it very amusing the way Shirley speaks of her man.

I have a crush on yet another boy after dreaming about him. This amuses me greatly too. I’m 13 again, I swear. I also had a rather horrid dream this morning, in which I was a guy, and abused some women rather badly. That was nasty.

I have three papers worth of work to do still in the next two weeks. If you’re looking for me, I’m imagining you’ll find me at tech. I hope I remember to take earphones. You can go here in preperation for my Expo.

The other night, Brad and I went over to Kate Morrison’s to watch “Bringing Out the Dead”. We stood in her kitchen gossiping while Brad cooked himself dinner, and that was fun. The movie made me think about all sorts of weird things. It was really good and really disturbing too. I borrowed a stack of books of her – teenager crap. Remember Paula Danziger? I finished “The Pistachio Prescription” today, and now I have some “Freshman Year” books to read. I like reading crap when I’ve been reading Literature for too long. I still haven’t made much headway into “A suitable boy”. On the way to Kate’s, because Brad’s car has no radio, he named all the songs that he’d heard on Classic Hits that day, and I sang them. On the way back, we sang Song Association. It was Very.

Yesterday I got lost on the Shore, trying to find my way to Penny’s house. Her fiancee and a couple’o navy guys were there, and I felt quite out of place. They probably thought I was a prissy snobby bitch, and maybe they’re right. It was lovely to see Penny though, but I don’t understand how she could let herself be treated like that. I have quite a diverse range of friends, I think.

Last night Kate M came around and had a few drinks with me and Kate B. Later Kate B and I got ready to go out to the Space party that I described in detail. Brad drew the eyes on our foreheads, in wet coloured pencil, and he even drove us too, lovely boy that he is.

Today I spoke to my mother on the phone. She was all grumpy cos she’d rung three times and I hadn’t answered cos I was in bed. Her and Neil are coming up for the expo, and Anji might too, which would be cool. I got her to test my site for me. I really should stop writing and go to bed now. I should have gone a while ago. I’m just feeling really – I dunno. I haven’t said everything that I’ve been up to lately, you know, so I feel like I’m lying to my general public or something. Well, not lying, but just not delivering all the facts. And it’s not that I’m hiding anything, just that I’ve forgotten all the things I meant to say.

Oh yeah, my main reason for this entry was to put in a link to Adbusters. They were in “No Logo” a lot, and I like. I don’t like flies. Why are there flies in my room? Fuck off!

I don’t like fireworks very much

Wednesday 24; February, 1999

“Woman, you’ve got too many brambles, hiding under these bushes” – ‘Cooling’ – Tori Amos

I felt so nauseous on the bus on the way into town all morning today, not in a hungover way (cos god knows I was awake long enough to sober up). I was glad that Clayton had the varsity orientation magazine which he leant to me so that I didn’t have to make conversation, because I was so not in the mood to talk.

I was late for my TV Production tutorial cos I spent a while hovering in the bathroom wanting to be back in bed for the rest of my life, so I had to sit at the front of a class that was half full of strangers. It was okay though, cos Shirley came in late too a minute later, so she sat up the front with me. We were watching some Nazi Propaganda film and the site of a screen thick with their banners just made me feel ill all over again. It’s funny because the swastika was like originally a Buddhist symbol of life or something like that, but now it’s such a symbol of hate.

Once that class was over, Shirley and I went down to the Midcity, but the movie we wanted to see wasn’t on there, so we decided to go find a paper to see when and where it was. We both also had to make Bank Missions, which I don’t really wanna write about now. Suffice to say, our rent is a week overdue, because of problems clearing money and bank shit. I was shaking once I came out of the phonebooth and telebanking, teetering on the edge of a total nervous breakdown on the main intersection on Queen Street. I’ve started this fun new thing where instead of crying properly, I just start breathing shorter and shorter until I get all lightheaded and just about faint. It’s especially funky when I’m drunk and spinning anyways. Not. So yeah, Shirley saw me and she was like “it’s okay, we’ll check back later – we’ll go take the link now and go to Newmarket”. So we did that, after finding out ‘Elizabeth’ was on at 10.50am – perfect time.

I got completly and utterly nauseous again in the opening scenes of the movie, cos the camera was at a reaaaaaally high angle, and swirled around and stuff – plus it’s never very nice watching people being burned alive. But after that, I got really settled into the movie. It was amazing. Cate Blanchet is one of the most stunning looking women I’ve seen in a long time, and she was astonishingly good in her role. Joseph Fiennes was sex on two legs – or he would have been if it wasn’t for the puffy shorts. Even Eric Cantona was in the movie – playing a French Ambassdor. As a humouress little side note, I was playing World Cup ’98 on Si’s puter the other day, being Holland (of course). I absolutely sucked at it, and Brazil so would have kept scoring on me except for the fact that the computer ran my goal keeper and kept saving my ass. That is until I somehow managed to hit enough keys so that I took over him, and accidentally made him turn around and throw the ball into my own goal. I rebooted the computer before I could hear the crowd jeer.

Okay, back to the movie. I was so inspired by her strength and stuff – as you can probably tell by the quote from the title of this page “I am not your Elizabeth. I am no man’s Elizabeth”. It was so sad and so lonely for huge big lots of it. I almost cried when she cut off her hair, and had to put up my hands to make sure mine was still there. I know that the movie didn’t make any mention of all the nasty shit she did, like burning Catholics and stuff, and apparently there was no way she could ever have had an affair but hey……….. it was dramatic license.

Shirley and I were going to take a tiki tour on the link bus back to town, only it went pretty much the way I thought it would go, instead of the way SHE thought it would go, which was through Ponsonby. So yeah, we sat at the back and giggled a bit. Getting off the bus, I nearly fell over in grand tremendous style and only saved myself by sliding around the pole like some kind of cheap tacky dancer only without the silicone and wearing a lot more and laughing louder.

Then we had to go to a Radio Production tutorial. Dee was really sad cos she got cut off from most of us Dsters when the tut got split in half, but that’s her own fault for not sitting by me (Karma). Our tutor assigned us all a talkback program to listen to – I got Kerre Woodham, 8pm-12am on Newstalk ZB, 89.4FM. I was given that one cos I told the tutor I didn’t sleep at night – she looked at me like I was a vampire or something. I listened to it for a while tonight while playing Cool Boarders 2 (god Si needs some new psx games – I go to sleep at night with snowy trails flashing before my eyes). It sucked. Talkback sucks. And I have to write a five thousand word essay on it.

What else? Hmmmmm. I met up with Simon after class, and rang telebanking but the money hadn’t cleared yet (STILL) so I couldn’t do that – fuck I PR’d the landlord when he rang last night. So we took the bus home, and I caught Si up to date on all my latest crisises. Poor wee lad. At home, both Clayton and Leyton were around, but luckily weren’t playing The Rolling Stones again like they were yesterday when I wanted to play my new Placebo album. But Simon had bought some new hideous NZ hardcore album or something, which was annoying me, as was the other boys talking about supermarket shopping and dinner plans and stuff, so I snuck off to bed, giving Si the power of attorney to make any descisions for me. I was asleep by halfway through the third track. Brian Molko’s heartbreaking voice just has such a lulling effect – sometimes.

Si made us instant pasta for dinner in the evening, which we ate in front of Shortland Street (did I mention how thrilled I am that Mike’s back?) and Friends. Doing the dishes, he made the mistake of sassing me – I had to mop the floor up after throwing so much foam at him. I’ve already mentioned the psx/talkback thing, so that’s about it.

I guess I should maybe say something about yesterday’s entry, but I don’t know what. And I don’t expect others to know what to say either – it’s okay, I understand. And thanks for the support – it means the world. Oh yeah, Isobel’s page is here. And my own little tribute to Amy is here. You’ll find similar traces and puzzle pieces scattered throughout and one day youll wonder how it came to be that you just didn’t know.

Thursday 11; Febuary, 1999
Good Morning Annette!

I hope you weren’t woken up after only around 6 hours sleep by a mad woman pounding on your door. That’s what happened to me today. Well, it was Kate so I guess I shouldn’t say she’s mad, because I know she’ll read this and then beat me up. Hahahaha. So yeah. I let her in and went back to bed, but she didn’t want to sleep with me (that’s sleep, not anything else), she wanted me to go bed shopping with her.

I let her use my computer while I had a shower and got dressed, but I made sure that I shut down ICQ first so she couldn’t do naughty things with it. She wanted to go to this secondhand bed warehouse in Mount Roskill, cos she decided that the bed that I bought, which she was also going to buy, was too expensive. So yeah. I’m so smart, I figured out how to get there and everything. I guess Auckland’s not quite so bad once you get used to it.

We hopped onto plenty of beds in the warehousey place, but decided they were all too ugly – she wanted one with a headboard. Debating the various merits of a double vs a queen, I pointed out that if she was planning on having people stay over, a queen would be better. She said something like “No, I ask them to leave afterwards – and if they won’t, I go sleep elsewhere.” HAHAHA I so love her.

Then we went to a couple more shops down Dominion Road and stuff, and I guided her to Newmarket. We went to Burger King too, so I could get a greatly nutritious breakfast, and we discussed sleeping habits. I’m glad my mother doesn’t read my journal, so that she doesn’t know what shocking care I take of myself. Is that a proper sentence? I hope so. We looked in Freedom, and I drooled over stuff, imagining how cool it’d be to have a house with all new furnishings, but the beds were too expensive. So we went toa bed shop around the corner, where Kate found a cool slatbed with an iron frame (which isn’t as cool as mine) and got $100 off the price because she didn’t want the manchester and pillows and shit. She rocks. I could never bargain with people, man.

Then we went back to her place in Ponsonby, and I met her GORGEOUS kitten Tallulah (tori: “it must be worth losing if it is worth something” – only that song is spelt ‘Talula’) and one of her flatmates called Jared. And I got back my pants, which I’d left there last time I was drunk. I HAD A CHANGE OF CLOTHES, OKAY? Sheesh, I’m not that much of a drunken whore. Oh, and I solved the mystery of the mysterious mud on my shoe from the last time as well – there’s mud in her garage. Phew. It’s always a relief to know how I got dirty.

She drove me home, stopping in to say “hi” to Tamati who gestured and whispered because the big bosses were having a meeting, but he gave me a free piece of cake – pretending to take my money. After Kate had stolen some aper from me, I went online to create a new concept for my site – a Page Me page. This is where you can go to send messages straight to my cellphone. Please do enjoy it. Sure, I know I’m REALLY asking for it this time, but hey, it’ll be an adventure.

I took off my glasses to take a catnap on the bed in the lounge, but then i decided not to sleep and when I stood up I put my foot on them. They’re slipping off my nose now and are ever more crooked than they were before. I haven’t worn my contact lenses in like, a month. I should stop being so lazy and deal with them. Then I can see AND wear sunglasses. And read blackboard menus too. So that’s a trifle annoying, but hey!

In the evening, I watched “Dead Man Walking”. It was sad, and I cried some, but I cried for the victims, not for the prisoner on death row. I was maybe expecting my stance on the death penalty to change, but it hasn’t. I still believe that some murderers and rapists deserve to die. They have destroyed a life, and have therefore given up any rights that they have. It scares me that I can hate so strongly. I sort of wish I could be like Susan Sarandon’s character, able to love, and relinquish hatred for a greater good, but I can’t. And I guess it’s just being able to hate, not having to see two sides of a story or anything like that.

My evening was also peppered with drunken cellphone calls from Clare. She makes me laugh, man! Kini’s friend Anthony scanned in his chest for us, so that’s up on the Breast page. My sixth form diary is sitting open in front of me, so it’s kind of hard to stay focused on writing this entry. I’d much rather read my pathetic little ben-obsessive entries. Speaking of Ben, watch Annette’s page on Valentines Day. She’s launching a little collaborative project then. She’s getting her own domain soon, which’ll be cool cos I’d get to wear a tshirt advertising it. PLUS I’d also have like the most traffic on Vision then, if current stats continue. I’m so selfcentred. At least y’all know what to expect from me though, right?

I wish I knew what to expect from my life right now. Stuff’s kinda spooking me out a little. Don’t be concerned for my sake, it’s just bizzare. One day maybe you’ll read about it all. Just not today.

xoxoxox

Oh yeah and remember to fill in the form on yesterday’s entry if you want to be paged on your vodaphone!!!

Wednesday 10; Febuary, 1999
I couldn’t sleep last night, so i was up till like 4.30am reading “Naked Lunch”. Now, I could sit here and say that I love it, that I can fully understand why it’s considered to be such an important piece of literature, but that’d be lying. Sure, he’s got astonishing descriptions, but a whole ‘novel’s worth is too much. It’s all just short stories and they don’t start and they don’t end and it’s just really bad. Plus, it’s completely nasty, and really scary. So if you have a differing opinion on it, that’s fine. I’m still going to finish it, because I could never put down a book, no matter how bad it was.

I still woke up pretty early though – well, around 11am, because I had calls to make. It’s my mummy’s birthday today, so I wanted to say hi, but she was out so I left a croaky message on her answerphone that sounded like shit instead. I know it sounded bad because I checked her voicemail later. That’s Fun with Phones 101.

I also called Dee, who wasn’t there (which is NOT fun with phones). So I did other stuff instead, tidy and clean a little and stuff like that. I also washed my hair, but it turned out absolutely lousy. Like, I wash my hair every day (if I’m going to be seen in public anyways) because it tends to go quite greasy at the roots, while the ends are too dry. Anyways, it normally looks fine, good, great after I wash it, but today it was fucking shocking. Like, so greasy as if I hadn’t washed it in a week. Honestly, it was that tragic. Oh god, how vain do I sound? It was so icky and greasy. I’m just going to blame the humidity. The fact that there’s no healthy food in the house apart from plums has nothing to do with it, really.

I was going to go to the supermarket, and then i realised that HEY! Clayton’s going to be coming back tomorrow, so why should I spend MY money on food that he’ll eat? I already paid for all the electricity. That sounds petty, but it’s not really. I’ve just become accustomed to living alone.

Anyways, so I was just sitting around, when all of a sudden my cellphone bleeped at me. I picked it up, and was astonished to see a text message scrolling across my screen – something like “stalkstalkstalk hey Jo was just seeing if you were getting showered upon*shags* your #1 stalker”. That completely confused the fuck out of me. I really didn’t know who would have the know-how to send me messages like that. I knew Matt was supposed to be calling me maybe to see if I wanted to go into town, so I rang his cellphone, but when he didn’t answer, I figured it couldn’t have been him, so I rang my momma instead. (More Fun)

She was home this time, so we had a chat. She’d recieved and appreciated my pressie, especially Anji’s breasts (see earlier entry for details). So we nattered away for a while, running up my flat’s phonebill, but I guess I’ll be paying THAT as well as everything else too, goddam it. While I was sitting there catching up on Welly gossip (apparently, they think they can fix my desk chair – YAY says my back) my cellphone rang, so I answered it and it disconnected. Bizzare. However, the great thing about my beautiful Phillips Diga is Caller ID which means TREMENDOUS fun with phones. So once I got off the phone with Momma, I set out to discover who it was that was stalking me.

I rang back the number, and got the Auckland University Students Association Office answering machine. Well, I know I don’t know anyone there, unless I’ve all of a sudden been elected president of a school I don’t even go to, so I had to use my amazing powers of deduction, and figured out that atmos.net was having meetings there today. So I rang Matt back on his cellphone and yelled at him “ARE YOU STALKING ME?”. Hahahahahaha turns out he wasn’t. Still, it was fun to accuse. Roll on the next suspect.

Dee rang me, and came over a little while later. She loved my house, which made me feel warm fuzzies, cos I love it too. It’s so MINE, which is the best thing about it. Like, I can see myself living here for years (sure, and now I’ve said that I’ll probably be forced to move out or something). I guess that’s the good thing about being here alone all the time is that it really gives me a chance to bond with the house. I can’t believe I was so scared that I cried the first night I was here. I guess that’s mostly because there was no power that night, and I was expecting a thousand dodgy people to come a-thumping, when only one of them did really. But moving right along. So yeah, Dee and I gossiped, and caught up and choice stuff like that. She’s always really busy cos she works at Orbit, the resturant at the top of the Sky Tower, but I’ll see more of her once tech starts – especially since we live so close now.

Once she’d gone, I went online to geek a little bit. I was very keen to find out who my stalker was, so I was telling everyone #left right and centre about it. I was talking to Kini (who, incidently, wrote in her journal that she never used to like my journal but now she does, because apparently my writing style has changed – your thoughts on this please) and she was like “did you like my message?”. I thought she was referring to the 8 ICQ messages she’d sent me when I was but NO! Turns out SHE was behind my textmessage on my cellphone. I told Simon about it, and he was like “but doesn’t that cost heaps, to call from Australia?” I was like “well I guess she just thinks I’m worth it then!”. Of course, it turns out that it’s actually free and reaaaaaally easy to do. I’m not going to tell y’all here how, although I may well some other day, when I decide I want more random stalkers, but I posted it to the Vision list. Kini just knows her shit, bro!

I was watching “The Craft” tonight (God, why did I miss John Hannah for that piece of shit?) when I got another textmessage pagey thing. Awwww I so wish I COULD come to your flatwarming, Jo! It was so cool to hear from you!

Now I feel like the sister in ‘Leave Before You Go” doing her sneaky tshirt thing except she made her bit up, and I didn’t. Go read the book if you don’t understand. It’s by Emily Perkins and it rocks.

Um that’s about it, eh. I’m paging people like mad now. Gimme your cellphone numbers if you’re on Vodaphone:

Name:

Number:

And I’ve only just clicked to the “showers” bit now. hahahahahaha.

Sunday 7; Febuary, 1999
I watched “Bed of Roses” tonight and I’m quite disappointed. Jo wanted Christian Slater to die, so that there could have been more tragedy, but I think that’s taking it a bit too far. I just wanted a really good weepy movie, cos that’s so what I felt like, but no! It was a big let down.

That’s okay though, cos I talked to Jo on the phone for an hour so that made everything okay. Her and I are going to win Lotto so that A) she can fly up for my flatwarming, and B) so we can both go to Oregon. Heather said we could stay with her and sleep in her twin bed. That’ll be choice. I wanna go crazy and eat in American Diners and stock up on American products.

Speaking of beds, I’ve only had about 8 people filling in my form. That’s okay though, cos they’ve been pretty good offers. I think so far the best one I’ve had is from a guy who says he’s got a Scottish accent. Mmmmmmmmmmmm. Hahahaha the things people will say to get to pretend they get to get a girl into bed.

What I really really want right now is someone stalking me with flowers. I like yellow roses and wild flowers the best, if you’re after a hot tip. Come pleaaaaaase – Valentines Day is coming up soon and everything. I think I deserve real honest to goodness admirers.

But now I’m going to bed in my new big bed. Even though it’s rickety, it’s made up with brand new manchester, so I will feel like I’m sleeping in a hotel. Instead of an flatmateless house. I talked to my parents on the phone today, because it was a $2 day, and they were grateful for the call – as they should be. I’m still a little traumatised by my father’s jokes about nuts though when i asked him about tools.

And here’s a parting question – what sort of person would turn me down when I invited them over to help me tighten nuts?

Wednesday 3; Febuary, 1999
I set my alarm for 10am today. And I even woke up then too – to change the alarm to 11 and go back to sleep. It’s nice to be back with bFM again, after Channel Z in Wellington went to hell (or shore/westieville Auckland Channel Z anyways). The dj was Daniel, who’s in my tutorial at AIT. So that was nice, a familiar voice, and some good tunes. I’d actually woken up at 5.30am again, ankles covered in bites, which is never cool, but had gone back to sleep.

Once I did finally manage to drag myself out of bed, I got clean and all that good stuff and jumped on a bus into Newmarket. I had to recharge the Mercury card (god it’s annoying that the post shop up the road can’t do it) and also, I’d realised the night before that it was only a week until my mother’s birthday. AND I had to set up automatic rent payments, although all three boys seem to be paying me in cash, and not the right amounts at that. God that sounds dodgy. Oh well.

So yeah, I did all that fun stuff at the bank, then I bought Mum some perfume and face stuff from the body shop. I think the perfume was called “Leaping” or something, and it’s really nice, so you can buy me some if you like. Then I found her a photo frame which I can put the photo below in.

anji has very nice breasts

Me, Anji and Karen. Feel free to admire her breasts. I do.

Speaking of breasts, a stranger sent me hers! Yay! So they’re up on the breast page. That was really exciting. PLUS yesterday, I got the whole Frozen Lake mess sorted out, so I’ve been acknowledged as an inspiration for a very similar story published on Reckoning.net. So that’s choice too.

Back at home, um, I didn’t do much. Tried to nap a little, only they were mowing the lawns next door. My bed still wasn’t delivered, but in anticipation of it, I created an advertisment and application form for it. Thanks to Annette cos I stole her code. Go ahead, share my bed.

hahahahah that’s traj, but oh well. I cooked dinner again (fuck, I’m such a good bitch) and Clayton was happy. Possibly he’s getting tired of vegetarian fare, but all the meat we have is sausages and chicken legs, both of which don’t rate highly on my list of things that are cool. He washed the dishes, and did it really badly. I hate people that use luke warm water. When I do them, I only use the hot tap – except in this house because the hot water is too hot, and I don’t know where to adjust it at. Honestly, I have to turn the shower dial to half way between ‘warm’ and ‘cold’. Did that make any sense?

I didn’t have much of a point to the above paragraph. In the evening, I discovered a show called ‘McCallum” starring John Hannah, (4 Weddings and Funeral, Sliding Doors), which, considering my fetish for accents

Sunday 28; February, 1999

“I like ‘The Mask’ – that’s a really good movie”

That’s a little wise tidbit from Leyton, who also happens to be wearing bogan black jeans today. Honestly, the people I live with! Simon and Clayton ganged up on me today and whipped me with tea towels. Oh the humanity! And I had to give Clayton step by step instructions on making cheese sauce and various other things for making Lasange. And Simon called me “Momma” today – and I think he did it by accident too. Fucking scary.

“I’ll buy you Persian Carpets to enhance your floors”

“I can’t assasinate you – I’m in love with your daughter”

“A king who won’t fight for his kingdom shouldn’t be king, Johnny”.

I think I have a new fetish – old Elvis movies. I watched “Harem Scarum” tonight waiting for Si to get offline, and it ROCKED. So completly Wow.

I got 14 emails today, and like 10 of them were from one person. Hahahahahhaah. That kept me vaguely amused, in between being beaten by my flatmates. Small things keep small minds occupied huh?

I’m going to buy a Brazen Berry lipstick tommorrow. I think. Don’t hold me to that though.

Oh yeah, and HI to Kate’s flatmates who are hoping to find out more dirt on her/themselves. So um……. she’s afraid of horses.

xoxoxox

Thursday the 7th of January, 1999

I dunno, I just so feel like there’s something missing from my life. Now that Charly is staying with Amy, I have too much time to think, and this is resulting in me feeling all hollow. We all rented “the Ice Storm” tonight, and I guess that echoes my feeling of emptiness. Except you don’t see me sleeping with Mr Russia, or showing myself to Catholic Richard & Matthew. (Those are my neighbours in case you were wondering). It was so scary watching those freaks live out their loveless lives, just dying to get a little excitement. I mean, my life is excitingish, I guess, but I dunno…. when I was parking outside my house tonight, I just didn’t want to get out of the car. I wanted to stay in it and go somewhere. I don’t know where – I didn’t think that far.

I’m very emotionless these days (sure, I say that after bawling my eyes out after driving in a hole). Okay, maybe a better way to put it would be I just don’t CARE. Like, I told Annette I am SO sick of listening to my friends bitching about their men, and she was like “note: don’t bitch to Jo” but what I meant basically is that I can’t be bothered hearing Charlotte, and I don’t want to hear about Amy and Neil. Amy said tonight that she’s single, but I know that won’t last, and it makes me so helpless that I just want to wash my hands of it entirely. Does that make me fully heartless? Yeah I guess it does.

And there’s no one I’m lusting after right now. Not even like a crush. I don’t want Hugh anymore, I’ve decided. (Oh shock horror, there’s his name). That was just a slight infatuation stemming from how funny it is when he gets drunk and comes on to me. That’s another way that I’m empty – that I get more kicks out of turning people down than I would accepting them. I prefer people disliking me than not knowing me. “I’d rather be hated than pitied”. Go Go the Spice Girls.

Where is this all leading to? Maybe I’m just feeling like this because I am moving in four days and I don’t really want to. Maybe it’s the Aunty Flo. I played Quake today, for the first time ever, but I didn’t kill anything because I sucked at it. But I will learn. Yes please, I am a geek. No I’m not. I’m a giant hollow bubble, and I’m so fragile and I really don’t know what’s come over me. This is so Verdana. Next I’ll tell you about my lithium prescription and my new cigarette burns up my arms.

I can hardly remember the summer of 96/97. 95/96 is vivid, as is 97/98, but I guess maybe because 96/97 was boyless there aren’t so many associated memories. All it was noteworthy for is my first acid trip and the first Gathering.