Cognitive dissonance teaches us that if you don’t think what you’re doing is right, you can either change your actions, or you can change the way you think about it. So when I was sleeping with you, I used all kinds of ways to convince myself it was okay, including thinking that I was actually special to you. When I see that you’re continuing to whore around, that brings that belief crashing down. So I’ve changed my actions and you’re gone.

***

Change your belief or change your action. Because I am tired of being unemployed, I started referring to myself as a freelancer instead. Then I realised that actually, I am, so I’ve started my own business doing content-writing and online media advice. It’s called So Content. I have business cards and mentors and many meetings. I feel productive and talented, it’s good.

***

Change your belief or change your action. I lost my shit at Mum the other night in front of my aunt and cousins when she kept making jokes at me about her friend who assaulted me when I was 12. She said it never happened. I yelled and stormed out. She came running out to apologise. I wish the It’s Not Okay phrase had been around then.

***

Other things? I dunno. I’m going to see a gynecologist in October to deal with how much I lose my shit in the week before my period. Immoral Terrace continues to be a refuge for people in need which I love. There’s a prom coming up on Friday at 361, and I need a date. Any volunteers? I had a lovely party the other weekend, which was great. This week is going to be insanely busy with meetings and friends and the food show and secret intrigues and networking and going on a roadtrip to Wanganui on Saturday. I’ve set a date for my 30th, it’s going to be TripleX-themed, and it’s on June 26. Come along!

***

So this is the thing. It’s 11.37pm, on Tuesday August 7, 2007. I just got home from Wellingtonista Quiz League, on the last #2 bus, and while I listened to melancholy music the whole way home, that does not do enough to illustrate the terror I feel at holding an A5 envelope in my hand from Robyn. Yes, obviously, she has replied to my calls for someone to send me a copy of BOYS BOYS BOYS BOYS BOYS which I wrote, since I’m going to be selling it at Craft 2.0 along with my mother’s pottery (check out the blog)- anyway. But that was so long ago. I finished it in 2002, anyways, so you have to hope that I’ve changed since then. I remember glancing through a copy in August when I had dinner at Annabel’s house but that wasn’t a full-on confrontation of the way you were five years ago. But I suppose now that there are Korn videos on the TV, and Sebastian curled up on my lap, I should confront it now.

Wow, so that wasn’t quite as bad as I expected. I suppose because I wrote it in 2002, things have changed so much since then. I mean. looking at who read Boys, Boys, Boys, Boys, Boys, in so-far as who was in it, *IV said it was the sexiest thing he’d ever read, although, you know, that was after we’d had sex another time. The ex boyfriend (you know, of all of those ex boyfriends that I’ve had) has read it, but didn’t comment, surprisingly enough, for all the speaking out that he ever did when we were together and afterwards.

I had other things to say. I had photos in my flickr account to link to. I would have talked about how my new home project was Lisa and I watching Firefly at home. I would have talked about a buttload of social events that I’ve been to with the Wellingtonista, partially revolving around the Wellingtonista Quiz League and partly with awesome fresh fish at the Port Cafe last Friday, and oh, you know what? Whatever. Maybe I’ll post tomorrow or maybe I won’t. But hurray for Robyn, and now things will be awesome. Oh, and hopefully there’ll be new Hubris as soon as Heather can do it!

Two different 2amish entries

Friday

I wish I:
A. Didn’t listen to people/took more responsibility for my actions/wasn’t such a stupid little miss doubter
B. Lived alone when I come home at 1am and the front door and all the windows are wide open, and Dawn of Azazel or some such is blasting out at some kind of crazy volume, and they’re playing poker in the dining room so that I can neither watch The Gilmore Girls or go straight to sleep like I’d like to
C. Didn’t have to go to my mother’s tomorrow morning to look after the house while she has an open day
D. was married to both the boys from Boulot
E. had workmates and ex-workmates who talked about more than the things that make me yell “SO, what’s your favourite fact about monkeys?” at all and sundry in hopes of changing the channel, although I do appreciate having drinks and dinner bought for me.
F. Had the ability to time travel, but like, controlled-like, not all making me cry at 3am in the morning when I finish it Timetraveller’s Wife like.

Other than that, and my right shoulder being SO FUCKING SORE, life is pretty sweet. Oh, and my friend texted me tonight to tell me that she’s become a umm, I can’t remember the word, so I will use the word “Fuckerware Demonstrator”, so if there are any ladies in Wellington who’d like to have one, let me know.

Saturday

I don’t remember the background music in Go being like this, and I saw it a bunch of times. We even had the motherfucking Go banner in our dining room, and I know that cos I was watching the Garland video again tonight. Welcome to my saturday.

I should probably point out that this entry is brought to you by the new Placebo album, which is (in theory) so new that it still says “title TBC” and it’s all one of those official “ELISABETH EASTER, I AM WATCHING YOU, DON’T YOU DARE RIP IT” versions. But anyway, my point was, and I’m sure you’ll still buy the Pulp and read this for yourself, that the albums, in order are: Hedonism, the comedown, feeling lost, reflecting on life and now the new one is: getting on with things, admittedly with meds to get you through the day. It won’t play in my computer at work, so the first time I heard it was around 9.35am when I got into my car this morning and it made me want to cry on the way to Ngaio. I was, of course, as you would know from the top half of this entry, on my way to help my mother with her open day. When I got there, there was no one else there yet, so I had raisin toast and coffee and chocolate peppermint slice, and she said “is there anything I can do for you?” and I said “can you fix my pants?” so I took them off and she fixed them and oh, it was like magic. And then my daddy came home from Dunedin or wherever he’d been andhe talked all excitedly about this processing place, and the Chinese he was showing around, and how he showed them something and how they asked for something and he showed them something else, and I was like “wow, it’s so cool how great you are at your job and how excited you are about it” and he ignored me becaue he was only paying me attention when he said “and then they got off their plane…” and I was like “got off, heh heh” and he’d laugh, and then he’d go back to talking and I’d be like “meat packing heh heh” and he’d go on and ignore the compliments.

So I decided to leave, so I texted Karen and asked her if she wanted to go to brunch somewhere on the Southern Coast, and she said “should I bring my togs?” and despite the wind, I was like “yes!” and so we went swimming at my favourite secret beach near Scorching Bay, squealing all the way cos it was cooooooooooold, and then had lunch at Chocolate Fish (haloumi and eggplant stack on sour dough). And then we went home and hung up my washing, and put on sneakers, still all salty-like, and then Miss Lisa Fur kindly came and picked us up. We got to Waitangi Park, and it was 2.20pm. I was thinking that the Phoenix Foundation were playing at 2.30pm, but there was a chalkboard saying that the Warratahs were playing at 2pm and the PF would be at 3pm. Well, we’d made jokes about how the Warratahs were like, totally down with the kids cos that wacky rap music was playing and we could see some kids breaking, so i was like “I bet they’re breaking… their HIPS” badoom chish, so we were like aaaaaaargh omg they haven’t even started yet and we’re still feeling those hands on our hearts, holding us, so we ran away to the Paramount for the best ice creams in the Courtenay area, and I had a triple chocolate ice cream, and it was accidently chocolate dipped, so like quadrupale chocolate, and holy crap, it was like an orgy in my mouth, except without the cocks and the semen and the stretching. But it was amazing ice cream. Yeah. And we went back, and sat on the ground, and the Phoenix Foundation played, and fucking oh yeah they were awesome. They didn’t play ‘Nest Egg’ for Lisa, but for me (yes, for me) they did ‘Hitchcock’ and a very rocking ‘The Drinker’ and ‘Forty Years’ and also (of course) ‘Slightest Shift’, and Karen got the Bruce Springsteening, even though she says he has no good songs, and sitting on the ground hurts my back cos I have no core strenght, but nevermind. And then I went home for nap and shower and de-salting.

In the evening I picked Brad up and saw his new house, and we came back here for drinks, and old photos – so many AUT stories to tell each other, and then the video, and sometime after midnight we headed off to Atomic, but wow, it just felt weird and strange. When they played ‘This Charming Man’, I was like “oh ho, really? But they didn’t play ‘love will tear us apart’ first”, so I thought maybe they’d swapped, but then they played the Cure’s ‘Inbetween days’ and I was like woah, parallel dimension and THEN they played ‘Love will tear us apart’ and seriously, what the fuck’s up with that shit? Also, the crowd were weird – they were waaaaaaay more Courtenay than Cuba, and Kristen wasn’t behind the bar, and I didn’t know the crowd, except for Jimmy who is apparently still alive although you wouldn’t know that from the interweb, and he said he was working on a top secret project and if I was the type to gossip I’d say the hot girl he was with was his project, but I don’t gossip. And again, I saw no one I knew, except for that really annoying “oh let me get up on the stage and dance, because I am like so awesome in my vinyl skirt and oh I’m on Suicide girls and oh I’m a drunken goth” girl who is there all the time, not that I dislike randoms that I don’t know or anything, oh no. Anyways, when we were dancing, Brad and I had an aweeeeeesome time, and just fun fun fun, but it was HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT, and so crowded, and my tummy hurt, so some time after 2am I left, and came home, and Mark was watching Go, and that brings us back into a complete circle, and the one thing I think that I’ve forgotten to mention was teh number deleting ceremony. Awesome.

So my mother has osteoarthritis. I just found out this morning, after we’d been to breakfast at the local cafe which was blasting out Appetite for Destruction (which i <3 and would love to receive a copy of). Her mother had it, and Anji's doctors suspect she has it, so chances are that I will have it too. I know she's probably a bad example of worse case scenarioism, but they're going to Morroco soon, and she's all "I need to get things out of the way this year because I won't be able to do them next year". While I don't know how much of that is true, it's still kind of fucked. She can't even knock on doors cos her fingers are so sore right now.

We drank a lot of wine tonight. Boy did I need it. Here's a pop quiz for you. Which disturbing line has the new editor said to me in the past couple of weeks?
A) "I'd like a milk chocolate sante bar please - I don't like dark chocolate"
B) "I really love the music from The Phantom of the Opera”
C) “I have never seen an episode of ‘The O.C’”
D) “I love it up the butt with three fists please”
E) Everything but admitting to the buttsex

Yeah you know how it is.

Last night, after I’d stayed til almost 9pm proofreading (and I didn’t get to do the whole magazine, and based on the half that I did, I wish that my name wasn’t on the other half – although i’m sure that my dislike of the music pages for example is that it’s no longer Hott Boy writing them), I saw a hunched old lady carrying bags up the hill and since my parents had left me the van at the station I offered her a ride home. She said she lived on the big street that goes past where you turn off to where i live, so it wasn’t very much out of my way. However, when we got to her place, she stopped and chatted for a very long time. She’d just had a couple of her teeth replaced at over two grand each. She’d just had some verucas off except that she thought they were corns. She asked me where I lived and I gestured. She asked em what I did and in the same breath if i was a mother. Okay, I was driving a van in Suburbia, but it still felt weird. For some reason I said that I was a student. I suppose ti was because I knew that if I said what I did, I’d have to explain it, and she’d ask me if I liked it, and I’d be all FUCK I HATE THAT SHIT, butr I just wanted her to get the fuck out of the van. She told me that she’d studied various things trying to cure her ‘illness’ – she was talking about being crazy – and had done a B.A in Philosophy and Psychology. Her father was an English professor and her mother was one of only 3 women in her accountancy degree. She built her house 25 years ago when she was 40 but it still didn’t feel like a home. She studied yoga in India trying to fix herself. I know too much about her. Please just get out of my car. It made me realise though that what I really want is a baby, to not have to do my fucking job that I hate. It’s so hard trying to actually have a career. I believe that raising good healthy children is a valid (and important) lifestyle, so why can’t I do that instead?

Today was teh suck. However, tonight The OC is the greatest show in the entire world ever (except for Buffy).

Oh, I should point out to you that if you’re a Hubrette, and you get a message that says something like “you need to be logged in to read this entry”, and you’re all like, but dude, I’m totally logged in, well, chances are that the entry is at a higher level than your status. What you need to do is comment more, and then I’ll move you up, and we’ll be closer than ever. Hooray!

So one of the things that we talked about last night in the so many hours of conversation that my throat was sore this morning about how it’s so much easier to write when you’re unhappy because when you’re joyous you wanna hold it all to yourself and just smile over it, and so I’m going to make an effort to share my glee with the world. Although of course, in that case maybe i should play something other than the Cure, but that’d mean like, Brian Adams or something – my parents have an awful lot of cds, but very few good ones, since Mum seems to have hidden all her NZ music.

But here’s where we’re at. There is a mouse running around in ym bedroom in Auckland, which meant I slept on the couch on Tuesday night, restlessly, having weird codeine spiked dreams. I shrieked at the mouse, and wanted to jump up on a chair. When I rang Tom for reassurance he said I sounded the most feminine that i ever had. And now of course, my landlord’s phoneline doesn’t work, and her cellphone is out of range, so I am not a happy camper at all! Or at least, I wouldn’t be, if i was still in Auckland. But as it happens, I am in Wellington, with a big stupid grin on my face. So there.

Oh for fucks sake Tom, is there anyone you DON’T know? Stop trying to be Kate Hamlin. Or Justin, I guess this case is, kinda.

Where was I? Oh, Bo and I struggling with my suitcase up to behind the Sheraton so I could get the bus to the airport (I have now traded with Momma for her suitcase on wheels), then the flight to Wellington being completely bumpy and horrible. I was smiling like a crazy woman cos we all know i like being scared, whilst trying not to be sick as we landed. Then Momma picked me up and we had lunch at the Crank Cafe, and I got to go home and have a nap before having to drive her places in the van so she could get the tyres changed on the car. Mmmmm nap. And hten I took another one after that, so nice to not have to worry about mice running around. After that, I had dinner with Mummy and Daddy, and they dropped me off at Espressaholic to meet up with Fatty Si Si.

I had a drink there with his friends, and then as soon as we stepped out on the pavement, Henry started making me laugh because he really is a very strange boy. It was so nice to finally get to see Simon again too, cos he kicks so much ass. Anyways, so we headed up the road to Traffic, which was booked out for Ayna’s party. It is SUCH a nice venue, I am so totally going to have something there sometime. It’s the old Indian restaurant that used to be public loos before that (yes i know, it sounds wrong but it’s just so right). One round room at one end had a tiled floor, and a fresco ceiling and turntables set up in it, and the other round room at the other end had a pretty blue ceiling that ended up looking like the ceiling at the Civic to me, and persian rugs and low couches, and in between those rooms is an area with a pool table, and then another area with a regular nice kinda bar in it, and it’s all painted dark red, adn there’s a fire in the bar bit. So yeah, fantastic venue. And there was just such a good vibe going on, cos there were three people having their birthdays, so it was all friends and the place was full, and it just felt really nice. Lotsa djs took turns playing, and it was all fullspectrum drum&bass and also lotsa different kinds of hiphop, and there was a guy mcing over the drumandbass at times, so it was very cool. I danced my ass off. I talked to lots and lots of people. I lisped my way through half a little piece’o cardboard. Si Henry and I sat in the corner of the chillout room for ages and ages and ages, covering a heatvent up with a plant cos it was too hot and I felt like iw as going to die from laughing so hard at them singing a little worker’s song – stampy stampy sorty sorty stacky stacky. If only i had a song like that, I’m sure my workdays would fly by too. At some other stage of the night, a girl pulled out a container of kalamata olives out of her bag, and Si had a sack of pistachios. I love Wellington people who carry backpacks! I wormed my way into conversations with random people when I got bored,a dn defended the “dark arts” that I studied before finally hearing that one of the guys I was talking to worked in Communications anyway. I suggested that someone run around the block if they had too much energy and lauhged soundly when they actually did. I danced and danced and danced and danced, adn then I danced some more. The music was amazing and everyone was dancing so well. I love poeple who do mad things with their feet. It was such a good night! Si left sometime around 12, and I thought about going with him cos he’d said his flatmate was away so I coulda crashed there and saved cabfare, but i was having far too much fun. I didn’t really get much of a chance to talk to Ayna,b ut she seemed really happy that I was there, so that was cool. One very e’d up girl who I’d never met before hauled me to my feet and told me off for crossing my arms in front of myself – “you don’t have to cover yourself up! you’ve got a beautiful body (with a little handmovement curvy drawing thing too)! don’t you like yourself?”. She was scary and made me self concious, wheras before then I’d been far too happy and comfortable and mellow and chilled out to even think about shit like that (oh and i was wearing my cleavage top, which I love). Eventually I just sat on a couch on the dancefloor for hours, having a long and engrossing conversation about the history of Soul Music (“I love hte vibe,” he says, and then he says “let’s just sit here and enjoy it” and he leans in even closer, puts his head on my shoulder and we almost fall asleep). And then I walked him across town and had ot leave in Cuba Street cos there wouldn’t have been any more taxis, and the driver was just grinning at me going “so you had a good night did you?” cos he would have seen the dithering, and hte hugs and the kisses on the cheek. And I smiled all the way home.

This morning Mummy woke me up for brunch – pancakes and bananas and pig, and she wrote me a list’o things to remember, and then they left, and I floated around the house all afternoon. This evening i went to another PR function, this one held in the Portrait Gallery of Bowen House. It was okay – I talked to some people. Steve Maharey (Minister of Tertiary Education and Broadcasting) gave a speech, adn then I went and talked to him and he gave me the name of the guy who runs his media unit so that i can express my interest in working htere. No one flat-out offered me a job. Then I went to see Anji, and she didn’t have a key to our house and i knew I’d locked myself out. I went home to meet up with KateB but our neighbours were out, and the laundry window was shut, so Kate and I had to drive back to town to Karen’s to get the key off her. My time down here is going to be so hectically social. Everyone wants a piece’o me, and while I want a piece’o everyone too, right now after last night, I think there are people that I want more pieces of than others. I’m filthy. Except that I’m actually not, because once again, when I actually really like someone, I respect them far too much to make a move. Darn.

Wednesday July 10th, 2002

I’m back! I’m here in Auckland. So why am I still supergrumpy and miserable then? I’m going to go with being pre-bleed, and also being annoyed that i missed people terribly and people are all busy now. Yes I know they all have their own lives and stuff. But meh. And also, Bops left for Wellington yesterday, so I won’t see her for like, two weeks and that sucks cos she’s so fucking great. Plus, she took her discman with her, so I can’t even listen to all the cds I got yesterday at Real Groovy.

All in all, my time in Wellington pretty much sucked more ass than an ass sucking machine. Mum drove me fucking crazy – I’m pretty sure that she has depression, or is at least going through menopause, but she doesn’t acknowledge depression as being anything valid at all; apparently it’s only events that make you sad, not chemical imbalances. But I will stop talking on this subject now. At least I got to catch up with lots of people and buy some kickass but very expensive pants.

Would you like to come over and munch on my rug? It’s kinda smelly, but it’s newly laid. Okay, we can stop with that now, but suffice to say, I actually have new carpet! It’s very exciting. Right now my room is spotless (although admittedly, there’s still a lot of my junk in the lounge) and you did say you’d be curious to see what my room looked like once I’d actually got it sorted, so I think you should come round and see it. I need a poley thingie to mount my photo hanging thing on, but other than that, things are pretty much sorted – once I unpack my suitcase, and get all my posessions out of drawers they don’t belong in and unstack my books from my wardrobe where they are getting all damp. I could go do that now, actually. Meh, that’s boring. I oughta focus my attentions on finding something to cover up the window with. My landlady has taken my curtains to wash them cos they were horrible mouldy, and your guess is as good as mine as to when I’ll get them back.

It’s 18 past midnight now, so I won’t sleep for a couple more hours, but I have an induction course at 9am tomorrow. Stink. Actually, the organisation employs me is very large and varied, and there are quite a few young people working for it, so maybe there will be some hot young things tomorrow morning. I can only hope.

xojo

The phone rang early this morning (ie, before 11am) and I was like “fuck I hate people!” only of course, it was Maree, who was ringing to ask what time I was flying down to Wellington, cos maybe she was on the same flight, and as it turned out, she was. I read the Herald and discovered that i was mentioned top’o the list in Sideswipe, so I cut the article out and stuck it to my wall with 3M® Scotch Tape. Bopha and I had lunch at a very nice newish cafe on St Benedicts Street, and then I packed and took a cab to Maz’s, and we took a taxi-chitted taxi to the airport and Maz was a spaz, and there was no leg room, and also, there was no window. But that was the first time i’ve flown not by myself since I was fourteen (oh I’m such a loner) so that was cool. Mum and Karen picked me up from the airport, adn we met my daddy at Astoria for a drink cos Anji was working there, and then went to Arizona for dinner. Karen and I both sent our steaks back, cos they were blacked adn dry and not at all medium rare, and it took an hour for them to bring us some water. I filled in the customer survey alright. But the steak was nice the second time around, at least. I am nearing my protein stage, I think. And now i’m home, and sleeeeepy and my wrists hurt, so no more stories for you.

Oh, and apologies to anyone who was in Arizona tonight who saw more than they wanted to when I flashed my boobies at my parents cos they asked.

Two hours of sleep is NOT enough to sustain a growing girl. Oh no. So Mum and Paul picked me up around 8.15am and kept trying to talk to me while i went “I’m not awake yet” and then “mm” “mmm” “mmm” til they finally stopped asking me questions. I tried to spread out and sleep in the backseat all the way to Tirau, but Mum has a tiny little grandmother model Mazda, so there was absolutely no room, especially with a candlelabra sticking out of the boot over the seat. How do people have sex in cars? How is there possibly any room or comfort? While we were watching ‘Grease’ the other day (okay, we were bored) I was speculating that Iw anted to live in the fifties and be a ‘bad’ girl, but now I think I take that back. Anyways. So we got to Tirau and Paul being the Yorkshire man that he is demanded bacon and eggs for breakfast, and the only place offering that was a terrible cafe where the coffee was so bad i couldn’t drink it and his food looked so awful that i had to leave. So I took a walk through the picturesque town of Tirau instead. Wow, what a town!

The rest of the drive was loooooooong and moderately excruitating. The highlight for me was listening to one of Mum’s tapes – a mix of the hits of ’84 and ’85, which i knew almost every word to. Man, I used to LOVE Pia Zadora. Anyways. So I’m in Welly now. Anji gave me a bead necklace she made with the letters ‘B’ ‘J’ and ‘Q’ hanging from it, and if you don’t know what that means then it’s in a Liz Phair song called ‘Flowers’ and if you still don’t know then I can’t fucking help you, eh buddy. Bopa emailed me to say that YES, she wants to move in, and so I am very very excited. I also promised her that i will call Charlotte and Allie, her old flatmates. Fatty called me which was lovely, and then I popped over to KateB’s house to see her cos i haven’t seen her in weeks and yeah, yay, it’s all good. Lots of socialising to do, DJ Zinc on Friday probably and I might even build Momma a webpage while i’m at it.

Today was a long leisurely lunch with KateH, devouring the wonderful vegetarian antipasto at Roasted Addiquition (I can never spell that right) <!– She said terrible terribly funny things –>. After that she asked me to drive her to St. Lukes to buy socks, so I said okay, temporarily forgetting how much eviler malls are when they’re crowded on public holidays. But hey anyways. So she got socks, and then cos there was a big sale on we went and looked at underwear and she said “you’re going to write this in your journal aren’t you?” but I’m not going to write what she thinks I am going to write, so HA!. Apparently I am not to email her to her work address to ask what kinda panties she’s wearing though – go figure. Bonds panties kick ass. PANTIES! PANTIES!

Then I sat on a sofa in a clothing store and read magazines while she tried on other clothes. A girl stripped off her top to try on something else in the middle of the store – I was suitably impressed. I heard someone else say “Bok! Bok bok!” so I immediately thought it was o and I spun around but it was just someone random commenting on a feathered top. Stink. I guess I just had panties on the brain. After that there was lipgloss and eyeliner purchases at Kmart and we walked around for ages and ages trying to find a present for her younger brother. I was full of helpful suggestions like “what about a toaster?”. She ended up buying Singing in the Rain for herself, and we went back to her flat to watch it. That film kicks ass! (Sidenote: when we were in Farmers, there were tshirts with lame logos like “girls kick ass” on them. There was one that was okay, but fuck, I can’t remember what it said now, except that it should have had an apostraphe in it but it didn’t, so she couldn’t buy it). But anyways, yeah, now I am wishing that I was a tap dancing star, and lusting after all the clothing and houses and stuff in the movie. While we were watching it the phone rang and Mazzy scared Katie by singing the title song down the wire at her, because she was after me and Clay had told her where I was and what I was doing. I love my stalky stalky friends.

After that I went home in time to meet my mummy and her friend Paul who have been in Auckland for a potters’ convention. We went and had dinner at Fraser’s in Mt. Eden, which was really really yummy – I had a kaffir lime infused risotto with bok bok bok choy and crusted chicken breast, mmmm. And because the place was unlicensed, they had to come back to The Slab afterwards to drink a bottle of wine, and it was uncomfortable cos Ben was around and he was being his usual stupid moron self. They’re gonna be back here in exactly eight hours to pick me up so I guess I should finish packing and get some sleep. I’m all warm and glowing from a bath using the passionfruit and echinecia bath bomb that Willow Shoes sent me. Also, my willow shoes are great and I love them a little more every time I put them on.<!– gee, look at how fucking self centred I am – “I” had lunch, “I” drove to St Lukes, “I” am self centered – that’s terrible, I’m such a terrible person –> (Explanation from 2010: the Hamilton guys attacked me in my guestbook for daring to be upset when I found out that Scott had died in the cheese factory)

Me: “I love this song” (She Speeds, Straitjacket Fits) – Anji “I bought a copy of this song when you were seven years old”. How rude. Anyways, so would you firstly like to hear about my day, or about my week so far? Show of hands? Day it is then.

When I woke up, my nose and throat were still sore, stinkies, but hey, at least I’d got some sleep – and strange dreams as usual. I knew i was supposed to go have lunch with Karen but there was fresh baked bread and brie in the kitchen so I figured I’d have breakfast first. And so I did. I also yelled at Mum to please stop asking me questions about what I was up to today because i really can’t take the whole having to be accountable for every second of my time and she knew very well that Karen wasn’t answering her phone because she’d just called and so how was i to have been able to arrange lunch? But Mum was very nice about it and put my clothes in the dryer for me so that i’d have something to wear. Unfortunately that meant that i had to surrendar my sheet but it’s actually fucking cold down here so it’s probably just as well. I wish I’d thought better and packed more warm clothes but then again, I packed whilst stoned <!– he’s such a gentleman that he always lights it for me whenever we smoke –> and in two minutes so I guess that wasn’t the smartest idea ever. But anyways.

Eventually, Anji and Linda were ready so we drove to go and pick up Karen. We’d wanted to go to Imbibe for lunch, cos I’ve never been there, but it wasn’t open, so we went to Olive and I had two absolutly divine coffees and a quesadilla. Mmmmmm Olive coffee. And then Karen and I went shopping, leaving the oldies to look through their photos again. I went and got 200g of X for Mother and 200g of Cuban for myself to take back to Auckland from Midnight Esspresso, and then I tried to decide what to get her for her birthday. Also, if you ever want to get me an amazing present, convince the people in the second hand books/clothes/stuff shop on the corner of Cuba Street and Swan Lane to sell you one of their two giant Playmobil boys. Thank you. I ended up buying Mum “Nature’s Best” which is an NZ music compilation cd that I’d planned on giving to Neil for his birthday, but since that’s in June, I have more time to think of something else for him. I got a free disposable camera with it, even! And I also made myself a beautiful necklace in the Bead Store, for only $3.50. Excellent. And then we went and had hot chocolate at Felix and walked up to the Embassy to get our tickets to see ‘Lord of the Rings’.

LOR has been screening for what – two months now? And the Embassy seats 826 people, but it was still completely full, at a 5.10 session on a Thursday. Crazy. But we did manage to get seats – good seats even, because the woman at the ticket counter took a shine to us and gave us her own personal seats. Yay for that. I liked the movie a lot. I adore Elijah Wood – of course, even if i hadn’t seen the movie I’d still love him from the way he kept hugging all the New Zealand tv reporters at all the previews. And I’d be very happy with a doubleteam of Legalos and Aragorn to defend me. Mmmmm. I’m smutty.

After the movie, we went and got cheap (and not very nice) Malaysian food and then went back to Karen’s apartment where I did things to her that made me laugh and laugh and laugh but what I’m not allowed to write about. And then eventually Anji came and picked me up. So yeah, that was my very very exciting day. So do you want to hear about my week now, or are you already bored and flicking away to something else?

Okay, so Sunday was Ben’s 21st party, kinda, although it ended up being more my friends than his, I think. I got to see Steve and Olivia and Kini though which was cool. And KateM and Elliot, although she told me off for flirting with him but I wasn’t really hardly even. And JeremyO<!– who’s bitter that when I introduced him to s&o&k I was like “but it’s not THAT jeremy” –>. And KateB, of course. Some wanker passed out in my bed and so she slapped me awake from my sleep on the couch to get me to move him. He wouldn’t move so I kicked him and swore at him a lot. Previously he’d been really pervy and disgusting and icky anyways actually, and he makes me so mad I don’t even wanna write about him, so I won’t.

On Monday Justin woke me up by calling to meet me for lunch, and while I was talking on the phone ot him and trying to get my head together, i realised that there was someone lying next to me on the bed so I was like “oh fuck” until my eyes managed to focus and it was just KateB. Phew. Although I’m sure she did dirty things to me while I was sleeping, of course. KateH arrived and we went to drive down to Justin’s work but then my car wouldn’t start because it was completely and utterly drained of petrol, thanks Ben. He is of course refusing to top it up claiming no responsibility, so grrr. KateH even yelled at him over the phone. Anyways. So we ended up calling Justin and meeting him and KateH’s flatmate in the Imax foodcourt, which was a very bad idea beacuse it was very bright and very crowded and Iw as very very ill and everything was spinning and far too dazzling. So as soon as i was able to, I crawled back into bed.

On Tuesday, I was feeling much much better, thank god, and the house was also even a little tidier. It was raining though, and it took FORTY MINUTES to get the Link to Newmarket to meet JeremE for a drink. To put that into perspective for you, I could have walked there in 20, so I really really should have, except that it was raining, and I was wearing heels. Damn rush hour traffic and unreliable buses. But anyways, so I had a drink or two with Jeremy and then we went and got Mercury Plaza and hung out for a while. He left right before the start of the final of The Secret Life of Us, which was excellent timing (KatieH, did you get the tape off Clay yet? he also has your key to our house, presuming he hasn’t given it to The Evil One). So I had a sniffle at the TV show, being the final and all, and then Clay came home. He was cutting a promo for a kid’s movie called “My Dog Skip” and Iw as absolutely disgusted to find myself crying at that. And I did my packing, and shortly after midnight KateB and Mischa arrived to pick me up.

I don’t wanna write about the drive down because there were some fucking freaky things that happened, although it was nice to be with Kate, een if her kitten did piss on me. Just it was very long, and we were both very wired, and seeing accidents is fucking horrible and thinking that maybe a ham sandwich saved your life is fucking freaky as well.

We arrived in Welly about 10.30am and I had a couple of drinks because I was so fucking wired and then tried to sleep. I managed about an hour long nap maybe. Still, in the evening I went out with Anji and Linda (who’s staying here) and we met up with her friend Gregor who bought me a drink and chastised me again for not dressing up as a schoolgirl. I promised him that I would do better next time and that Iw ould have if I’d packed properly. Although i doubt i would have, because it’s SO FUCKIGN COLD down here. And sure i bitch about the heat in Auckland, but it’s always about how the grass is greener on the other side. I like Jet Lounge because they have Finlandia as their house vodka. I also dropped past Ayna’s cos she’d told me she was going to have a big night but she wasn’t home. I got to say hi to Kartini though (who doesn’t live there) and apparently, it’s all about Bass Frontiers on Friday night at Sub9. Excellent. I might even take Anji and Linda with me.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Let’s see if I can figure out how to log into Saturn from here. Ohhh apparently I have a cunt directory. Hahahaha excellent.