Hubris.co.nz

You know, the thingie that I’m writing over contained the line “well whatever happened to jennifer connelly? what made-for-tv movie will she turn up in next?” and that was Octoberish 99 and since then she’s won an Oscar, so there you go. Shit, losing my place, slightly nauseous = obviously fucking drunk. But it’s like, Nigel’s birthday so I have a real reason to be, honestly. Yeah.

Anyways, so my day was sleeping in, until Bopha made me and Clay watch ‘Sholin Kids’. Fuck that’s a brilliant movie! So good. And then her and I went to the swoopermomarket adn stopped by to see KateM (KateM kicks ass!) and yeah rah rah. Then i got Emma to drop me at Jeremy’s, cos I was going to his house for dinner. He had a fucking hot english boy staying with him and I think we all know hwat suckers for accents women are, so yeah,my panties were well moist. ALSO! him and this other guy put “well” before all their adjectives, and you just know I”m well going to be doing that from now on.

Much later (ie: two and a half bottles later) me and Jezza took a Taxi to Verboten on Ponsonby Road to wait for everone else. People came later and that was cool. Jezza bought me a fucking nice cocktail – he didn’t know what wsa in it – he said he said to the bartender that he wanted a gorgeous drink for a gorgeous girl, and fuck it was good. Many many drinks, and lots of intense talking. Jezza is super funny and we have lots in common. Heh. Anyways. I guess evetually someone someone decided that we should leave Verboten, and so I found myself inh the backseat of Ryan’s car (he of the long distance and kumikumi pig) and I was completely disorientated, But eventually we were queueing outsidea Wyndam Street Bowling Club, and I was like What the fuck? why am I queieing to pay $15 to listen to HOUSE MUSIC? So I went down to Queen St, walked up a bit and got a taxi home. And here I am. HI! HELLO! HI! Rah rah rah. There’s like, missed oppotunities and shit, but I think this is better in general, me being umm fuck, altruistic and shit. Yeah. Colour me DLT.

Tuesday September 17th, 2002

1. Oh really, Crushmaster? Someone has just all of a sudden developed a crush on me using “ae” before my domain name? and “gs”? Really? Oh, silly me.
2. When the fuck did I originally design this page if I just used “indigo” as a BGCOLOR instead’o a sexi-hexi decimal number?
3. Am I going to be sick tomorrow? I guess I am, right?
4. One of them had better have been sober-driving it home, or I will be SO mad.
4. I’m sure you knwo me well enough by now to click as to why i haven’t written in ages, if I haven’t written in ages.
5. Bo+Clay+Me flatdinners kick some ass.
6. I don’t think I’ll go to quiznight anymore – I think that ship has sailed. Plus, I have a supershort attention span, and oh yeah, I dunno. Some rant about pointless semi-rockstar semi-crushes etc etc. He’s still real cute though.
7. Clay and I, staggerign up the street, punchdrunk on $50′o liquor with just KateM and Nigel, and he stops to look at some guy, and I figure he’s just angling for a fight cos I thought the other guy bumped him, and I’m like all, oh no, BUT! BUT! It was goddam LEYTON. You know, the first flatmate that I ever kicked out, cos he wasn’t a team player and I wanted Brad to move in.
8. Brad McCormick, calling me on my cellie from work in Whakacarnie after I txted him going “OH MY GOD THE DRAMA” cos he knew I was talking H&A (I love our psychic bond) and he wanted a full description. Oh Kirsty and Kane, when will you find happiness together?
9. I really want to smoke pot with you RIGHT NOW, even if it means that you don’t end up talking at all after that.
10. Should I try and hold out for 32 points?
11. I had a big talk with Joseph today, and feel much better about my PR Practice paper now, even if we probably did quite badly in our report (oh, sorry Haley, I should email you, but to be perfectly honest, I’m more than a little squiffy right now, and I do have semi-proposal type things to write and send you, and then I’ll email you. Oh, that’s not like a “will you marry me?” thing, just in case the audience as a whole didn’t get thta).
12. I’m still loving my haircut and the other Hayley (with two y’s, not one) by default as well.
13. Who was teh fucking mongrel that listed me on crushmaster in the first place? No one has crushes on me. At best, you’d like to put your penis in me for a little while, in one way or another, or just engage me in witty conversation. I know the score, chief.
14. Welly and some valuable chillout alone time tomorrow, yay!

Sunday August 25th, 2002

Oh my god, if there’s Carnies in the Tane, then there’s Sheer Total Carnage in Matakana. You have to excuse me if I sound a little rambling or crazy – I have an ear ache and also I was woken at 6.30am so that Andy could get back to Auckland in time to go to church. I kid you not. But we’ll take the narrative back to yesterday, which gives me more time to figure out if I wanna include some things that happened last night that I am very not happy about or not, or if we should just leave that in the “really someone else’s business even though it really shoulda been MY business” basket or not. Did you know that lately I have been all about figuring out which baskets to put things into?

So anyways, since I was informed on Friday that the party was to have a SchoolBoys/Schoolgirls theme I went and bought me a tie, which I paired with my tight black shirt, my denim skirt (which I rolled up at the top to make it shorter), my burgandy maryjanes and some black and white striped socks which I borrowed off Bopha. She put my hair into two bubbles on either side of my head, and I loaded up on blusher, eyeliner and blue eyeshadow. The look I was after was Slutty Schoolgirl, since I have never worn a uniform in my life, and since I was very chaste in high school. Clayton wore his hockey uniform – purple top and short shorts. Mmmm lovely. It felt really weird to be wearing a skirt that ended above my knees, but I was feeling good. I felt even better when I got into Andy’s car and Jody handed me a mizone bottle for the trip filled with vodka lime soda. Ahhhh liquor from water bottles, how very highschool! So yeah, the hour plus drive up to Matakana was really fun, singing along to crazy lionel ritchie mix tapes that Andy had made. It was crazy to go out through the country and drive through Warkworth and everything.

When I got to the party, straight away KateM was like “DID YOU SEE HIM? HE’S HERE!!!” and I was like “no way!” and she was like “he’s totally here” and you’re like “who who who?” and I’m like, *I, of course, the first boy I ever pashed, the one who told me that my hair was choice and who I was in luuuuurve with for a year after we scored, and who i never talked to again. So that was very exciting, and naturally, there were carefully orchestrated trips to the kitchen to try and get a look at him, but I felt like i was being too obvious and felt dumb, so instead I just went into the dining room where they were all playing drinking games and asked what they were playing and was told to pull up a seat. Nice. So we played Musical Instruments, which is like Sexual Connotations, except that, obviously, instead of sexual actions, you play pretend instruments. Eventually, I had to do *I’s instrument, and he was like “right back at you, Jo” and I was all !!!!! oh my god he remembers me! Heheheheh I am such a geek sometimes. But of course, me being me, that nessecitated lots of whispering to Jody and KateM and Clayton in excitement afterwards.

And then there was assorted dancing, and more drinking from the mizone bottle and all that sorta shenanigans, and lots of bonding with Jody, and talking to various people, until at one stage, *I came up to me, and was like “hey, I thought I’d be social” and he said that he remembered Clayton from the Gomez concert (you remember how I bitched that Clay had got to see *I and I hadn’t?) and then Clay took the hint from me and drifted away. He was like “so..” and I was like “wow, you remember me – I’m so impressed” and he was like “yeah, and I wanna apologise for anything wrong that I might have done to you – I’m a lot nicer person now” and I tell you, I just about swooned. He was still really really tall and spunky looking and we chatted for ages and ages. I told him he’d been the first boy I’d pashed and so of course I’d had a crush on him, and he seemed all sorry, and I was like “oh don’t be! you didn’t do anything wrong except not call when you said you would!”. And he apologised again. My god, I know it was like, six and a half years ago, so I’m just totally completely impressed. And just a little smitten again, he was so charming. I told him like my entire work history, and he told me about what he’s been up to, and about Sarah and Dylan and yeah. Eventually he was like “well, I’m going to get a drink” so I was like “it was really cool talking to you” and he’s all like “oh, I’ll talk to you later!” and I was just yeah, a little puddle on the floor. I’m so impressed with my ability to chose well at age 15! Although really, there wasn’t much of a choice. But that’s beside the point.

Anyways, that was definitely the highlight of the party, cos pretty much everything went all downhill from there. It was a very very very very very weird night. Do I want to spill my beef? Yes, okay I will. Because it super super super bugs me. You know Jody, my good friend? The one who was trying to organise to get me to score *I again, cos she knew how much of a crush on him that I used to have, and how much I was lusting after him that night, and blah blah blah? Well, yeah. You can guess what ended up happening. And the goddam house music just didn’t stop. It danced on and on and on and on. And there were some cool things that happened too, but thre were too many weird situations, and I ended up taking herbal sleeping pills and codeiene cos the music just wouldn’t stop and consequently had very fucked up scattered dreams on the couch and then was woken at 6.30am by Andy taking me home. And I’ve lost my denim jacket and that really fucks me off. I tried to sleep in the back seat, still wrapped up in my duvet, but I had to make him stop so I could throw up on the wall of a gated community in Albany. I felt like it was a political statement as well.

I showered and went to bed as soon as I got home, but eventually Bo was being a loud crackwhore cos she didn’t realise I was home, so she woke me up. I went to KateH’s to watch Dawson’s Creek, and then we went to Occam for some excellent food. That’s all.

Wednesday August 7th

Please don’t consider this to be a full picture in any way, if you want to know what’s really going on in my life, you WILL have to write me. Or call me (Mazzy, what the fuck? I was talking about three different boys, not the one, and if you were up with the play, you’d know that).

Last night me and Jezza and Morrison and Nigel went to the AUT pub quiz and spent my $20 tab and won a $30 tab. We also bought the quizmaster a drink cos he was cool, and also, if he’s stalked me off my cellphone picture, HI. And we will win the $50 tab next week. And then we went to Oporto and I got groped by a horrible skanky horrible disgusting icky old man. ewwwwwwwwwwwww.

This morning Bo and I went to St. Lukes to pick up a shirt for me, although we were both shuddering at the Mallness of it, and then we went to Roasted Adiquition for breakfast. OH MY GOD their hashbrown stack with turkish pide, aioli, advamacado and pesto is delicious! Oh yeah, but before that, I was jolted outta sleep by Haley calling me to ask which apartment was mine adn I was like “FUCK! I’ll just put on some clothes and come and find you” and we finished our presentation which FUCK FUCK FUCK I gotta do now. No wait, I’ll do it tomorrow morning. Cool. SHIT. Fuck. I can’t believe I forgot about that completely. And about turnign in my CV for the job which I’m really starting to doubt that I’m going to get. FUCK. Nah it’s cool, this way I can fit in seeing my HR tutor tomorrow to talk to her about my hypothesis about Sick Building Syndrome (moral of the story is – go to your tutorials and you won’t be stuck with the lameass topics no on eelse wants). Where was I? Work at 12.30pm, yeah, and longmeetings about Courses and Careers Day, and then I spent the afternoon looking up catering websites.

Anyways so this evening, I left the house with $50, and now I have come home with 2 expensive cocktails, one flavoured vodka shot, one bottle of red wine, one kebab and two taxi rides in my belly and empty pockets, so I guess I did okay, mostly coasting on the charms’o lovely KateH. Lovely Popular KateH who even manages to know people in common with the random “hi ladies – do you mind if I introduce myself?” guy at Deschlers. We drank at the Classic, and then didn’t go to Starks cos we’re still banned, and then Deschlers for ages of course so American Friend Amy could drink Chocolate Monkeys, and then Kate and I had a boogie at Retro Night while Amy slept in the corner and now I’m home, dropping my kebab on my breasts cos I wisely took my shirt off. I can’t feel the cold. ALSO! I had to leave Buffy with like, 15 minutes still to go, how rude! AND I idnt’ even get laid out of it – previously, only boys taking me to the bedroom have managed to lure me away from that programme, adn that was under duress (yes, and one of you knows who you are, with that whole leaving your laptop behind ploy, and as for the other one, well I’d be suprised if he could even write his name, frankly. But we’re way off track. My point was, I think I missed Buffy and Spike having sex, and that’s a momentuous occasion!). But still, I had a great night, especially dancing at the end, and so Katie and I decided that our cheap ethnic food and wine BYO nights will now take place on Wednesdays so we can go dancing after. Kickass

Wednesday June 26th

If you’re still keeping score, it’s three down, one to go,and I’m feeling rather chirpy about all this.

Two hours late for work because I slept and slept and slept in, and still had a headache when I woke up. Little bitter pills made me feel much better though, until I had about an hour left to go at work, when I started buzzing out and getting dizzy and headachey again. Bridget freaked me out when she said I had to do an incident report cos I got nasty papercuts between my fingers doing photocopying and bled. Of course she was kidding but I was too dazzed to realise at first. In the evening KateM came around and we went to my room for secret girls’ business and then went and had Korean food for dinner. She freaked out at me and got all mad when I told her that I walked home from the hospital the other night – apparently I am NOT indestructable. I understand where she’s coming from – if anyone else that I knew told me that they did that, I’d get mad at them too, but the rules are different for me, dammit! . Later I watched Buffy and after that, Bops and I played Lego. Yay Lego! We started making crazy things, and then giving them artistic descriptions, so I challenged her to actually make a meaningful sculpture, and I did the same. This is what mine looks like:

You figure it out. Daniel got it immediately. Bops and I were watching the soccer tonight (I’m backing Brazil but still find Hassan Asas (is that his name? I forget) strangely attractive) but I’m just so fucking sleepy that I can’t. Going to see Doctor White in the morning to get to the bottom of this headache madness thing. Then work. Work on Friday as well, and Monday and Tuesday, mare. Still, at least there’s Saturday night to look forward to. You are coming to my party aren’t you? If you know where I live, then consider yourself invited.

Saturday June 15th

Happy Birthday Andee! I tried calling a couple’o times but the phone was always engaged (Nassy!).

Clay woke me up an hour earlier than expected to take him to the airport but that’s okay. The traffic was slow and crawly on the way there but actually it was nice to be driving again. On the way home I passed a shop with a big “SALE” banner hanging off it, so I went in and gave the shop woman style advice cos she was trying on her own products. Then she went away and another saleswoman told me that she had the same jacket that I bought on layby and wanted the skirt that I got only it has a pleat at the front and it was too long for her and if she’d had it taken up it would have lost the pleat. So yeah, I finally got a denim jacket and it’s SO NICE, really classily cut and thick material, not quite silvery but deep ink coloured, $125 down from $180, and I also got a long grey skirt with a little frilly pleat thing at the front down the bottom, which was $65 down from $130. Yay for new clothes! I haven’t had anything nice to wear lately and my social life seems to have picked up some so I really do need more stuff to wear out. And to work.

After that I swung by the supermarket for some stuff and bumped into Sarah from my course who told me she’d been studying hard all week – scary. And then since I was in the neighbourhood, I went to KateM’s, and she was actually home, yay! Nigel was there too, so we caught up and chatted and I gave them the fresh bread and pineapple juice that I’d just bought. Some people are so cheap. It was lovely to see her, as always.

I can’t remember what I did for the rest of the afternoon. It must not have been that significant. I wore my jacket a lot. Later I watched ‘The Magnificant Seven’ and found myself curiously attracted to Yul Brynner. I couldn’t go out because I had to wait at home to make sure that Bopha woke up in time for England/Denmark, so I actually did some study. I know, I’m astonished too. Whilst studying, I listened to both discs of Mellenchollie. I think I’m going through a grungeretro patch. Then it was time for the soccer, of course, and it was very exciting for a little while because I was backing England, but then it just got too easy so I amused myself writing down quotes from the commentator instead – “We’re not home to Mr Grumpy”.

Friday June 7th

Morning is a mad dash to the supermarket with Bopha to get there and back in time for me to get changed and go to work,and I end up being ten minutes late, but it’s not like they’re really keeping time anyways, or so it seems. There’s a lamington waiting on my desk when I get there, sprinkled with baby m&ms and with a chopstick stuck in it, and as soon as I walk in, Skew and Terri are like “Happy birthday” and I’m like “thanks, who’s birthday is it?” and they’re like “yours” and I’m like “no” but it was really sweet anywyas, and apparently we’re gonna have a drinkathon on my birthday. That kicks ass! I can’t imagine any other workplace doing that. Oh yeah, at Foodstuffs, they laid on morning tea – biscuits and buttered muffins when they all knew I was vegan. Choice. But anyways, work is fun, and at three pm, Terri and I go for a 10 minute walk to the graphic designer’s office (the people I work for have buildings ALL OVER town – we 0wn Auckland) and that was fun too. She’s choice, I like her, and I will miss her when she is gone. Also she said today to someone else that I’m being groomed for her role, so that could be interesting.

Afternoon/evening is meant to be going down to Deschlers to meet up with the lovely Annabel but Bopa made me smoke a spliff with her so I couldn’t actually leave the house, so instead Annabel and later Arch came here. They were cool, and I invited them to my birthday party and she was like “oooh maybe the HJT could play” and I was like !!!! and then I giggled lots cos I have silly rock star crushes. Fuck, was I supposed to be writing present tense? I think it’s like, 5am or something, so fuck you and your grammar rules. Anyways, so there’s martinis martinis martinis and Bopha’s friends are over and they’re loud and shit so I go to my room, and KateM comes over and we drink and gossip and giggle, as girls do, for ages and ages and ages. Eventually we go down to Deschlers where we find Andy all by himself so we chat to him for quillions of years before Nigel & Jarrod show up. Razza is behind the bar, so that’s flashback to auldskool days, and the thousands of hours and cocktails and thighgropings consumed at Deschlers. Eventually we manage to grab ourselves a booth, and KateM holds me down and covers my mouth so I can’t scream when they get Andy to start smoking. And then there’s text messages and cellphone calls, and suddenly, I have Other Things To Do, with lots and lots of capital letters and a fair amount of injokeness, and I’m trekking up to K’Road by myself and by golly it’s cold. But it’s okay, because it’s wonderful and lovely, and yeah, but now I’m home again, cos you know what I’m like. But cool.

Okay, it’s bloody cold today, totally and utterly freezing. I probably should put another layer on, but i’ve been sewing, and so I’m modelling my creation (and when I say sewing, I mean using a pair of scissors on an old top).

Scissors go snip snip, top goes awesome

I don’t know if you can tell from the photos or not, but I now have a semi-off the shoulder top, in this charcoal coloured semicobwebfeely fabric. It’s real nice. Cool. But not especially warm.

Today I staggered in to my 8am class, freezing all the way down, and then spent a very very long time at the bank getting a new eftpos card – the one for my rent account expired in April and of course they didn’t bother to send me a new one. Now my two accounts are loading on the same sparkly pretty card. Then I discovered that there’s a new juice bar right next to Oporto – this could be very dangerous. I had the yummiest smoothie for my breakfast before hightailing it back home to scan the paper, check my email, jump in the shower and run off to work.

I like the stroll to work, it’s relaxing even if I’m always rushing cos I’m running late. Work itself is good too, even if they haven’t quite figured out what to do with me. I’m doing a lot of backreading, and I also got a tour of the place, which is huge and includes a secretish network of spooky tunnels running all over the city. I kid you not (although possibly I exagerate a little). Just for the record, I’m working Mondays, Thursday mornings and friday afternoons. All the other times I have classes. Busy busy Joanna.

But I’m not busy tonight, no. Instead i parked my ass on the sofa to watch TV under the safety of a duvet and a wooly jersey, cos it’s FUCKING COLD. I’m jealous of boys with open fires in their lounges, although I guess it’s okay as long as they provide you with plenty of pot when you go over there last night, even if it means that they can’t make conversation. Tomorrow night Nigel will be in town for his birthday (back from somewhere near Warkworth where he is making porn with a kumi kumi pig – nothing nondodgy ever comes out of that area!) and so there’ll be going out and drinking and dancing I imagine. Excellent. And then next weekend’s a humdinger, what with parties and KateB being up, and Brad being up, and PACIFIER concerts and all… so I should go get a good rest now. Yeah. Night!

I could write today up all light hearted, and talk about my hangover, and why you shouldn’t accept drinks of Absinthe from spunky men you’re trying very hard to chat up at Lumiere and talk about dancing at Khuja for hours and then being walked home by KateM and Brad and Nigel despite my insistence that it was completely unnecessary. Or I could talk about bawling my eyes out when I got home, about ringing up Tom because it was freaky to be alone whilst being so very aware of my own mortality. I could talk about crying in the shower again today remembering so many little things about Scott just because he’s dead now, wheras I wouldn’t have given him a second thought last week. And that makes me feel stupid, and somewhat tacky, jumping on the whole grief bandwagon thing maybe? I don’t know. Besides a brief confirming phone conversation with Amy yesterday I haven’t talked to anyone who actually knew him about it. I haven’t really talked to anyone today, except for KateH on the phone, and I’m lonely. I know there are people i could call, but what i really really want is just someone to hold me. I want that kind of comfort. Because it’s all about me, isn’t it? It always is.

Wednesday, February 27th

You know, I don’t genuinely believe that these crackers were actually cooked in a tandoor oven eh. Oh, it’s dark and I’m drunk and a million miles away from my moniter perched on the end of my mattress and my keyboard is sitting precariously in my lap, bear with me okay?

But not the kind of bear that gets sulfuric acid poured on him by chinese students to test their intelligence though, cos that fuckingsucks. Of course bears are intelligent! What kind of moron are you?

In Persuasive Communication today we compared speeches by Martin Luther King Jr and Osama Bin Laden. I think I am going to like that class. Hopefully I don’t sound like too much of a Grand Dick.

Mad at Ben for wakingme up at 4.30am askin gof my car keys. My first impulse was that it was an emergency so I said yes but then I realised that he would have just been going to buy drugs so I am VERY MAD. Dammit I wish people wouldn’t take advantage of me while I’min a subconcious state. That includes trying to talk to me about serious things while I’m stoned so of course I’m just going to smile and nod.

Today I had lunch with Jody at Mezze so that was cool and since we haven’t rteally seen each other in months we had to catch each other up on all our mini scandals (mine were of course the microbiologist fingering me on the couch in the foyer at Dee’s weddding until the staff member told us off and shagging Clay’s boat wearing friend. Hers were none of your business). Then I had class, and then I nearly passed out in the book shop from heat and dehydration. One of my texts is $100 so I didn’t buy it. I only bought one that was $80 second hand. Fucking hell!

Oooh when I laid back just now, every vertabrae made an excellent cracking sound, i enjoyed it immensely. When I rang Brad at his parents’ today cos he’s on holiday, he said he was goingto do standup tonight, so I went to that. I was supposed to go with Clay only he was too drunk, so I was justsitting with Nigel and some random other guy we didn’t know who was weird. Some of the comedians were using jokes they were using two years ago when I was doubledating. Then when we got out, Jody and Andy were waiting for us so we had drinks and hilarity and then went to Retro Night at the Grand Circle. I love dancing with those people, they’re so much fun and they take the piss and yeah, it’s just lots and lots of fun. I “danced up on” Nigel, to get all Brittany on you, and he freaked out, whcih amused me. But eventually I was just about to pass out from the heat again, so I figured I should probably go, and so now hereI am and so now I will go.