Tag: orgasms


30 November, 2002

November 30th, 2002 — 3:23pm

I think I’m menopausal, cos I am full of hot flushes. Although the fact that I’m currently bleeding might suggest otherwise. Oh well.

Today I went to Rumba! It was hilarious, and also super choice because of the following reasons:

  • I went with Brad and Maree, both of whom I haven’t seen in far too long and both of whom I wish that I could see more of.
  • We got there in time to see Abs play, and he was funny, and needs to smoke less pot so that he can have more breath to sing/rap properly amongst all his dancing. And all the girls at the front chanted for him to take off his shirt, and he didn’t, and he did 5ive songs, which made us all Garland nostalgic.
  • Che Fu fucking rocked. He did lots of fat improvs rather than just playing his singles, which was choice. And his little kid was running all over the stage, and you know I’m a sucker for little brown babies.
  • During Che, I started to feel all funny, like I was dizzy, and then there were hot flushes running all over my body, and everything felt strange and my vision got a little blurry, and i started to freak out, suspecting htat I was having another acid flashback, but I just kept smiling, and reminded myself that it wasn’t that crowded, and maybe my vision was just funny from looking at the big screens and then the stage, thus fucking my depth’o perception, and that I was probably dehydrated, and eventually I remembered that cipramil does occasionally give me random dizzy spells anyways, so I calmed down some.
  • It was fabulous to see lots and lots of people getting down for Che, but the loudest cheering of the day was when they put a pashing couple up on the big screen, and all of Western Springs was roaring until the couple finally looked up and saw themselves and had the grace to laugh and clap.
  • (Sorry Katie but…)Natalie Imbruglia has almost as little charisma and presence and talent as Atomic Kitten. She was awful. We sat off to the side and ate mediocre food instead, laughing at people walking past, such as two girls who bumped into each other and they were both wearing the same top, and oh lordy did they give each other dirty looks.
  • Mazzy went home then cos she had to drive to Hamilton, and so me and Brad went to the main stadium bit again, and had long-trying-to-spot-KateH style cellphoneness, but eventually, we got to see her and say hi and get some goss, and hugs, and then she left, and we went into the crowd to see Bic Runga.
  • When she’d just started playing, I noticed a small cluster of little girls ahead of us all excitedly grouped around a guy who Brad said was the singer from Taxiride. They were takign his picture, and then some of them walked off with him – DODGY James Reid blowjob styles. Dirty dirty dirty.
  • Bic! Oh my god! Oh my god oh my god oh my god. She was AMAZING. Wow, she made it all look so easy. I am madly [in love with her now, and I gotta get her second album, and I thought maybe I could send it but no, and yeah, she was just fucking amazing and gorgeous and beautifl, and then Brad, who was wearing his glasses unlike me, pointed out that Milan was playing drums and singing backup vocals and I almost puddled right there on the grass. Wow. Yeah, go Bic.
  • We’d promised Bo that we’d watch Shaggy but since Pink canceled, we decided we’d leave on the high Bic note instead. I had a stupid big grin plastered over my face after all. And we’d got to complain lots about how we’d paid good money for this and then stop and go “oh wait a minute, we didn’t, oh ho ho ho, brilliant!”. Tom’s calling me a hep Auckland Socialite right now, and maybe he’s right, cos thinking about it, many’o my friends never pay for anything that they do cos it’s all about the connections. (Sometimes I say it’s all about the Benjamins Baby, but, well, that’s another story or four altogether isn’t it?)So yeah, that was brilliant, and then Brad and I came back here and I made more Sangria with Bo and Leo (last night we each bought a bottle of bad red wine cos it was only $5 adn this makes it far more drinkable) and got changed and chilled adn showed Brad bad 13 year old angsty stuff I’d uncovered in my room clean the other night (although that clean was kinda interupted when the lass that i pashed a couple’o weeks ago showed up with Bo and stood in my door and said “are those my shoes? oh no they’re yours” all bashful adn then ran away and I was like “????”) and then we went to Lumiere. I love Lumiere. I took back my drink cos it was flat, adn they gave me a fresh new one all politely so I can continue to recommend it. Mmmm Skky Vodka.

    What else? Oh, my therapist yelled at me yesterday! Yelled at me! Or rather, she shouted at me. It was funny, she said later she’d never ever done that before. The explanation for it is that I was talking about how I think the reason why I tend to hate having people stay with me for more than a night is that I constantly feel on edge, because I believe that people have an expectation of me that I’ll entertain them, and that being an entertainer is a role that I play just so that people will like me, and one of hte only people that I don’t feel like I have to play the Entertainer Role for is Fatty Si, and I can be myself around him but I don’t know who “myself” reallyu is and maybe I should ask him, and then Kalpana went “NO! Don’t do that!” and her point is that I really have to figure out for myself who I am, which is basically the whole point’o my therapy sessions, because I think I’ve realised that my chief problem is that I don’t know who I am and therefore I can’t know where I am going. But Kalpana did go on to contradict herself a little bit when I expressed to her a desire to have someone else photograph me a lot, so that I can see what they’re seeing when they look at me, and she agreed that might be good. Like, I’m not talking about casual snapshots. You may have seen all my webcam photos – well, I took them all, and so I got to make sure that my hair looked good, and I minimised my double chin, and there was lots of my eyes and all that, so basically I think I look good in most of those photos, or as pretty as can be being me, but then in other people’s snapshots I generally look terrible, and it’s just so weird, the contrast, because normally, other people might say I’m pretty (or beautiful, if they wanna cause me problems) but I really have terribly low self esteem when it comes to my body although I try not to focus on that, because that’s a guaranteed way of making myself even less attractive. My point was, if you’re like, a photographer or something, you should take some photos of me. Thank you. You’d be helping a crazy lady.

    Blah blah blah. See how I’m all “Kalpana says…” when she tells me off for reiterating other people’s opinions too much? It’s a catch22.

    Oh, did we talk about my housing situation yet? I don’t think we did. Ammy and I are looking for a flat together, and anyone who knows anything about Auckland is probably aware that the housing situation is FUCKED right now. Bleh. Bleh bleh bleh. I hate househunting. Also, Clay and I will be breaking up after almost four years together. This is progress.

    That’s probably it eh, with some inclusion of hte killer migraine that I’ve had for a week that’s meant that I can’t even wank cos when I come close to orgasm, the most godawful throbbing headsplitting pain kicks in from my neck and radiates out to my temples – EVERY TIME. And even my closely guarded codiene stash doesn’t help. Grrrr. It’s either my new glasses – but I hope not – or that old prosgeteron problem that I got when I first started on Estelle35, which hopefully will go away now that i’ve finally got my bleed and can start taking it again (i’ve been off it for a couple’o months since I didn’t pick up my prescription in time, which you oughta remember if you pay me enough attention). Or maybe it’s OOS, which isn’t cool at all, given that I’m now The Computer Guy at work. I’m rereading all my Narnia books instead’o masturbating since I couldn’t sleep in the lead up to my bleed (as usual), but even though they’re great, it’s no substitute. I’ve just got the last battle to go in ‘The Last Battle’ and then I dunno what I’ll read. I have some more books from Karen – she gave me a fucking great book called “Negative Space” in which I felt much like the main character, except that I don’t have a brother that i’ve had a slightly dodgy relationship with. But it did make me think that maybe I should become a life model, like the girl in the book, after all, there’s plenty’o me to draw. But that thought mostly had to do with the whole “image of myself” trains of thought that i’ve had to think lots about lately due to the whole trying to find myself process. So don’t worry, I won’t be taking off my clothes for the general public any time soon. Oh, unless you happen to be at parties at KateM’s dad’s place anytime soon and I end up going skinnydipping, again. Nevermind.

    • Comment » | Journal

    5 November, 2002

    November 5th, 2002 — 3:30pm

    Okay, so just because someone produces the magic substance that wakes you up does NOT mean that you should trust their decisions. Oh no. So if the boy who makes you coffee once or twice a week recomends that next time you have a VANILLA soy latte, don’t do it. Even if you love Vanilla Coke. Even if you’re easily swayed. Don’t do it. It tastes RANCID. Moral’o the story is, don’t take tips from men who listen to lifeFM or happy hardcore, and have mutton chops.

    Oh look, Jo’s talking real trivial issues, she must be feeling better!

    And actually, I am. even if Cipramil leaves me with a dry mouth and totally inadequate orgasms and weird dizzy spells sometimes. Oh, plus I have a totally burnt thumb. But I suspect that has more to do with Guy Fawkes than any other mental affliction.

    So where were we? We talked about the coffee, which sucked. I trained today to do the WebDev Guy’s job while he’s away on leave. He put a sign on our office door that has the Communications Administrator Job being done by a “Joanne” McLeod. Apparently this is his reaction to Bridget telling him off for spelling it “McCloud”. I was like “Skew, you just gave me all your passwords for the webserver, are you sure you wanna say bad things about me?”. I hope he knows I do actually like him, even if there is a little “friendly” tension between me and Terri’s replacement. I’m still infamous at work for doing so well at the quiz on Friday night, and of course for the Hula dance that went along with it.

    I worked from 10-3pm today, serving at Skew’s leisure so that he could teach me before he gets all mad panicy, and then I went for my eye appointment, which is very heavily subsidized by my organisation, as long as I made it clear that I need glasses to operate my VDU. I made it very clear. The guy was all young and nice, being a final year Opotometry Student, and it turns out that my glasses are WAY TOO STRONG on my left side. He was nice but too close in some parts, and I felt like I was supposed to pash him, because really, that’s the only time you’re supposed to hear people breathing like that. And then we got to the room where to try on frames, and he put the first pair’o frames on me, and he was like “yeah, that’s so it” and we tried on lots more pairs, but he was right, the first pair really suited me, even though they were $300 frames, and we couldn’t find anything nice that was cheaper (“I have expensive tastes!”) plus when someone is so convinced that something looks that good on you, it’s hard to argue, isn’t it? I told him off during my (incredibly long) eye examination cos he kept laughing at me when I was so obviously wrong reading letters, and he was like “hey, it’s boring to be so clinical”. He also got an abridged version of my full medical history because he damn well asked for it, and yes, thank you, I appreciate why I’m having dizzy periods, and I’m paying $120 an hour to sort that out, and I appreciate that you’re taught to do this, but seriously, get back to writing me out a new glasses prescription. Thank you.

    And then this evening there was Quiz, but when Clay and I got there, who was sitting outside but *IV (damn, I wish I was into full name disclosure styles, cos it’d sure as hell make things easier) and I was like umm “okay, I’ll go get the beer” because i am LAME and because he totally wouldn’t even look in my direction at Justin’s last party, and then KateH showed up, and eventually Peter (Hi peter, you’re choice even if you’re not scrawny in a tight tshirt anymore) and a friend of his, and that was our quiz team, although Bo and Leo put in an appearrence for a little. At one stage, I went out to the bathroom, and *IV was out having a cigarette, so I kicked his chair, and said hey, and said that he didn’t need to be afraid’o me cos I didn’t mean to cause trouble at all in any way. He said he was back with his g/f and I said that I knew that, and that was cool and I understood, and he was like, “but you were the first girl since her” and I said that he’d told me that at the time, and then I told a kinda lie and said that I was in love with the boy who’s party we’d hooked up at (a lie in that it wasn’t LOVE as such, but definitely some kinda big feelings) and he was like “what, Justin?” and I laughed my head off and I was like “don’t you remember – we were at a party in Herne Bay” and he was like “ooooh” and I said that he was quite probably the nicest boy I’d ever had sex with, and I’m sorry that I’d snobbed him the first time I saw him after we’d had sex but I hadn’t expected to see him again quite so soon, and he was like “I got a snub in the Hub” which was actually really funny and we were both like, mutal admiration for how cool each other was, and he said that he’d got the note I left him in his letterbox that said he was a total sweetheart, which is true, and he said I had great taste in music, and we had a laugh, and just parted on super terms. So that was lovely.

    Meanwhile, back at Quiz. OH MY GOD! Okay, so every Tuesday, we call ourselves “The Slab” on account of it being our apartment name, right? Well, tonight not only were there “The SLAB” but there was “Peanut Slab” as another team, and also “FUCK THE SLAB” as a team name. ATTITUDE! Anyways, we won, and so that’s a $50 tab for us to drink next Monday when I’ve finished my first exam. No more Quiz nights at Vesbar anymore, at least not over summer. He took my number and said he’d call if he started working somewhere else, but Meh, I doubt that’s what I would like it to be, then him and me and KateH played with Sparklers in the Quad. It was pretty choice. ANd then I went up to Kelly and Rowena’s and we set off fireworks on their roof and I burnt my hand. I went home cos I was so drunk I could hardly stand up anymore, especially in the rain, and Kara and Clay and Bo and Leo were all watching Harry Potter, and there were Nachoes on the stove, so I was stoked, and that was cool, except, my god, maybe kids have mucher longer attention spans than I do, cos I so could not be bothered concentrating, so after an hour and a half, I headed off here.

    But doesn’t it make you happy? Look, Jo all conscious and stuff – and like, sure she’s drunk, but that just means that her OOS doesn’t hurt as much, and yes, I am, I am looking after myself, MUM. ANd soon, I will post you a rant about happiness, and also about Therapy. White MiddleClass Girl Angst etc. Love you all – well okay, that’s a lie. Love all of you who you know who you are, and care about some of the rest of you, and are glad some of you read me, adn would very much like some of the rest’o you to fuck off now please. Thank you. Xojo.

    Comment » | Journal

    gRRRR

    September 11th, 2002 — 7:28pm

    Tuesday September 11th, 2002

    Grr students and interviews and mentors and work and grr and grr and grr. GRRRR! Grrr $218.42 to get the phone reconnected. Grrrr going to work where Terri was also having a bad day. GRRR at ANZ. Grrrr at the HR lady calling me Love and then saying that no, they still hadn’t made up their minds. Grrrr at the memory of the dead mice in the cupboard. Grrr at dynamics that just don’t work. Grrr at the mean receptionist at my doctor’s who told me that Dr. White refused me a new prescription but didn’t say why (yeah, like I can afford $50 for another consultation right now – if my blood pressure is raised, it’s her fault!). Grrr at thousands of clippings to do, adn then GRRRR at problems with avmed stuff. Grrrr at getting rained on the way home. Grrr at Clay being sprawled out on the couch watching some stupid movie when I just wanted to be alone. Grrr at hearing Kara while i was hiding out in my room, rereading the Blind Assassin for the trillionth time. <!– homage mode: He follows her into the empty room, concrete floor bare except for the mattress, piled with messy sheets and pillows.  When she sits on the windowsill, he pushes her against the glass and kisses her intensely, until they move to the mattress. When her moans that she had never heard before have subsided, he tells her his tragedies, and she kisses him every time words fail her. You intrigue me he says, I feel like you’re holding me at a distance.  And she can see his eyes casting around her room, trying to find some clue to her, but there’s nothing, nothing but her Blind Assassin poster on the back of her door.  What’s that about, he asks, pulling her in tightly to his chest.  It’s about lovers who lie in bed telling each other stories, she laughs.) –>

    But they went out, and I drifted in and out of conciousness as I have been doing a lot lately, and then I got up to eat spinach soup and watch Buffy. KateM came over half way through it, and asked a lot of questions, but she’s allowed to cos she’s cool. Oh, and I finally got my invitation to Justin’s party, so I can put that slab’o paranoia aside. After KateM left, I ran around my room trying on various clothing combinations. Fuck I need a needle and thread. The slit at the back’o my black dress has split basically almost up to my slit, so I won’t be wearing that tomorrow (eww, did I just use the word “slit” instead of “vagina” or even “panties”? Dirty). Tomorrow is, of course, our industry evening where we all try to impress PR bigwigs and get jobs. I debated wearing my cleavage top, but it doesn’t cover the hole in my bright pink skirt which I really wanna wear, so I think I will stick with my stretchy black skirt, providing it dries in time, damn excess soap powder, and my boots, of course. I figure standing at least 6’1 is one way to make an impression.

    Oh, and what with today being you know, THAT anniversary, kinda, except a day ahead, it also means that today it’s also a year since I started taking the everlovely fluox. Of course, I stopped in umm February I think, but I still think it was like an important anniversary for me, cos that was such a fucking hard thing for me to do, and it of course kicked off my whole “why can’t I feel anything? maybe I should have another drink or some more cock” phase. Fun times. And I lost someone I cared about. And etc. Oh inncidently, I think I still have about a month’s worth of fluox, which I’ll trade anyone for a month of estelle35, or some more straight codeiene. I also have voltarin and brufen and maxolon, in case you too have excessive nausea. I like my pill drawer, although most of the pills in it don’t do anything, but some of them, like the brufen and the fluox are pretty colours, and it makes me feel like I’m some late sixties housewife.

    Comment » | Journal

    Happy 22 KATEM

    February 8th, 2002 — 9:07am

    This is me resisting doing a booty call but I’m so real tempted, and if you’re reading this, you do know you’re fucking excellent in bed, right? Like, that thing you do with your fingers and my clit, OH MY GOD. But from now on, I’ll be PG. Oh, did I mention it’s been one of those nights? I’m sure you’ve realised it anyways.

    Where was I? Oh yeah, answering phones for KateM for three and a half hours, playing on an internet that actually works, as opposed to this one at home. Although finally it seems to be working. Anyways, so yeah, day spent at KateM’s work, trying to be all cool and shit, adn then I had coffee with Thomas to say like an official goodbye. Like,you can go “what the fuck?” and all, but yeah, it was important to me. So I did that and stuff. And then I came home and Clay hugged me lots. Ohmy god, did I mention that he knew about my fuckbuddy all along? And there I was thinking i was so sly and discreet. But I’m sure I’m talking about something more important.

    Like maybe Inco being parked in Mt. Eden at KateM’s house. Hi Scott! Hi KateM. Damn stalkers. Anyways, their party was lots of fun. I talked to lots of programmers and got all defensive and thought I was boring til they pointed out that they could have quite easily have walked away. Hamish and I had another staged political arguement, this time about the Treaty of Waitangi and I was arguing on the side of the Tangata Whenua, so that was fun. There would have been more dancing only ummm, I can’t remember what my excuse was. Oh yeah, I wanted hip hop only it was all house. I miss Ayna! I wanna be at her house listening to oh baby I like it raw and you can call me dirty and then lift up your skirt. I like the hip and the hop. And I punched Justin lots for something that’s not his fault but which I blame him entirely for. And I talked to Lovely Paul and all and eventually we ended up in taxi going to town, even after I knocked bottles off the porch onto the ground.

    And I talked to Jody a lot whichwas ex OOOH NEW PLUTO VIDEO. Okay, so I’m back from that. I did Moscow Snow. Hey EM, I’d love to send you Pluto and other stuff, except of course that you haven’t writeen me in aaaaaaages. Meh. Oh wait, I was going to stop saying “meh”, because the boy used to have an ex with the same name as me who used to say “neh” all the time, but really, it’s not all about the boy. It’s about drinking too, I’m sure. And dancing at the oh my god, what the fuck is it called? The Grand Circle. Yeah. That aws cool. And then walking home all blah blah and saying “hi” too much and i’m sleepy and I gotta boot up wordpad to do my index since notepad won’t take it. Etc etc. Also, programmer Jason – KateM agreed with me that you had hairwhen I first met you. So there.

    Comment » | Journal

    Database

    February 6th, 2002 — 9:05am

    So, it’s Waitangi Day. What are YOU doing towards our multicultural society? I umm drank tea AND coffee. That counts, right? I’m sureitdoes.

    Today I’m feeling semigeeky because JeremyE is trying to teach me the fundamentals of php. I’m doing a lot of smiling and nodding and reaffirming that I know how to code Lingo, which isn’t strictly true, but you know, I have to stretch my geek cred as far as it will take me.

    What else do I have to mention? Ben should be buying me Stuff right now but he’s not so he’s lazy. It’s really hot outside so of course I’m sitting inside being geeky. Excellent. Haven’t you finished my database yet? Geez, he told me he could build it in an hour. I guess ask too many stupid questions and hold up the process. Oh yeah, I’m going to have a database journal thingie, hopefully. This should be interesting.

    That goddam evil summer plague that is Cricket is on again tonight and so no doubt Clay will be glued to the television with assorted friends. I was really disturbed that Shirley rang up and asked if we would be watching the cricket here. It’s okay for boys to watch that shit but girls? No no. I’m not down with that eh. And now I’m just rambling because I can, but what’s the bet that you’ll sit through it all now? I’d say the chances are pretty high eh. I have to ask, what the hell do you the reader get out of your hubris experiance?

    Okay so it’s later and now I seem to be having a lot of trouble typing. Ben, JeremyE and I went on a road trip together to buy stuff and then I dropped Ben off at work. Him and Jeremy were ganging up and picking on me which I thought was just really really mean. What have I ever done to either of them that would warrant such treatment?

    And again, it’s later still and my database still isn’t finished. Damn people napping! Also, I need to find out if saturn5 supports msql. I’m guessing that it does becasue I know how clever all those san fran kids are. Ha, if I keep throwing around programme language names will you all think I’m cool? Or just that I’m randomly waffling? You’d be so right in both cases eh. Oooh, we’re going to throw in different colour variables I think. I am SO getting the better end of this deal.

    Comment » | Journal

    My birthday

    June 17th, 2000 — 8:52am

    I just had the coolest sneeze. I think that was about as close to an orgasm as I’ll be getting. Brilliant!

    Yes, it’s me. writing another journal entry. Oh wait, and yes, I’m drunk. It’s 4.20pm. It is my birthday though, so it’s okay. And the emails I have from livia going “yay, you’re lesbian rooting age now” are just testament to that.

    My feet are SO cold, I really must find some socks. And maybe my hoody. I should also really pack. Ouch, my teeth. Fudge and bubbly do not mix.

    Oh my god, nigel gave me magic sand, and it truely does not get wet! It is sooo soo cool. We all spent a lot of time marvelling at it over the remains of breakfast. It’s made by moose, hwo are probably most famous for Sea Monkeys. You can’t trade a cow for magic sand, you know! Clayton also woke me up this morning real early to give me my pressie from him and brad – geri halliwell’s book! I am so so stoked. AND they gave me a big bunch of flowers too, so yaaaay. Popular Kate, Justin and Maree gave me this soooo gorgeous sari

    It was Maree’s idea, strangely enough. She knows me very very well. The card she gave me was a square one, with a picture of a girl and the word “cute” on it. EVERYONE gave me square cards, ti’s so weird. Oh wait, no, shirley didn’t. But everyone else did. Shirley gave me a nekkid man torso statue, as Inspiration, apparently. I think I would rather root someone with a head and arms and legs though, if I get a choice in the matter.

    Lunch was goood, I can’t believe all the food got eaten, but that’s okay. Justin tried to make us drink five year old Bernadino, but it looked like morning piss.

    I have to qwrite my speech for Shirley’s 21st still, and maybe start packing. But I dunno if I can be assed. YAY I am going tomorrow. Apart from my teeth hurting, i really do feel so much better today than I have in ages. I deserve this, this is a good thing. heh, I dumped thomas on my last birthday, which really does beg the question as to why we got involved again, but hey, oh well. Damn teeth, fuck up. If I want to drink more cheap bubbly, I bloody well will, and you can like it or lump it.

    My hands smell nice like roses cos of the moisturized Penny gave me. I wonder if I should wear my sari tonight. What should I wear?: I really dunno. I really should go pack. And get off the phone line so more people can call me. Okay dokey!

    xox

    Ooohj i wanna read my geri book!

    Comment » | Journal

         

    ↑ Back to top