Hubris.co.nz

Tomorrow, I get on a plane. Approximately 24 hours later, I will be in New York, in the centre of hipsterville. As KateH pointed out to me, Tom McRae is playing on the 25th, so I will be doing my damnedest to get to that gig. And doing all sorts of other things. And then I will get on another plane and go to San Francisco, put on my corset and take Mary-Kate and Ashley to the Full House house, singing all the way.

Speaking of the twins, I got my hair cut on Saturday but no one noticed that night at Germany because I was dressed like a German beer-hall girl (or my closest approximation anyway). On Tuesday night before I went to The Postures’ debut gig at San Frindigo, Anji and Karen came over and painted my hair in stripes of purple and blue-black. It’s unfortunate that the haircolour change has coincided with Period Skin, so I feel like it looks really crappy. I’m sure it doesn’t though.

I have yet to pack, but I have a large bag with nine kilos of Kate’s winter clothes to take with me. I also have an extensive list about what I want to take, so I figure that’s most of the battle. Unfortunately my camera seems to have vanished – I’m going to blame Smoo not wanting me to publish the photos of him and Blair playing Gay Chicken after they showed up incredibly drunk in the middle of Germany, sporting duct tape Hitler moustaches, SS armbands and babbling abotu their Brokeback bike ride that they’d just had. My camera also had pictures of the Black Forest Cherry Cake I made, which was truly an awesome thing of beauty and awe. I hope I can find it before I go away.

What else? Yesterday I caught up with an ex cow-orker who’s been in Australia making babies. Her tummy looks fake, but not as fake at Katie Holmes’s. Tonight I’m going for a couple of quiets. Today at lunch we went up to Finc, which I wasn’t impressed with. I had a steak sandwich, and it really disagreed with me – so much so that two bathroom stops were required on my way back to work strolling down the gorgeous waterfront. I <3 Wellington on a sunny day. And now I get to go and heart two new cities, the luminous Kate and the gorgeous Olivia (and s5, who is perhaps the best human on the planet ever). I am a lucky lucky girl.

I'm sure there'll be internet accessing at some stage over the next two and a half weeks, so stay in touch. And if I get eaten by a snake, or killed by OH MY GOD THE TERRORISTS ARE EVERYWHERE, well then at least I didn't live my life so ginormously fat that I couldn't even leave the house and had to wash myself with a rag on a stick.

xojo

EDIT:

I’m now writing this almost two weeks later than events, which is strange cos I didn’t realise that time went by so quickly. Nevermind, let’s plunge into my last couple’o days in the Auck town shall I?

Monday 6th December
I finally managed to have myself a merry little sleep in, tucked away in Oratia, which was certainly very pleasant, even though I felt terrible cos I got a text from Martina going “Okay I’m ready! Meet me on K’Road” and I had to reply going “umm I just woke up, see you in an hour or so?” But eventually I made my way into town and picked her up, and since it was a gorgeous sunny day we drove over to Devonport and had lunch at Manuka. Then, because it was so very nice and because we both found ourselves being the only other people we knew who wanted to do it, we set off to look for a beach. Now, you’ll of course recall that I once spent the summer working for the North Shore City Council and that my job then seemed to consist of little more than driving around all day getting suntanned. However, that was a long time ago, so we went for a rather extended drive up the motorway to Greville Road and then a long way back down East Coast Bays Road (which pretty much doesn’t go past the sea at all!) trying to find a nice little beach, before I took drastic action and found our way to Milford Beach.

There weren’t very many people there, which was great, and there was a changing shed with showers and an open-roofed area like an Italian courtyard which was great, so we got suited up and tried to get away from any boys on the beach. The water was very very cold and it made me hyperventilate a little bit (“sorry Martina, I know I sound like I’m heavy-breathing at you…”) but it warmed up a little, at least enough to frolick and try to do headstands in. When I started trying to do yoga poses and pretty much ended up nearly drowning myself, it was time to call it a day. The showers weren’t warm, but at least they weren’t salty. We headed back to the right side of the bridge to Occam for some more food and a perusal of Civic’s video sale (Cruel Intentions, Far from Heaven and umm something else for $12) before Martina left me for a ride home. I was waiting for Iva to call me so we could meet up, so I found myself a park to sit in and cuddled up with The Dirt. It’s soooo good. I wish I was in Motley Crue, for serious.

It turned out that Iva was trapped on the shore, so we decided to see each other the next day instead, and I eventually made my way towards KateH’s, via a phone call to La to see if he wanted to come along to the party we were going to that night, for a girlie website that I won’t name – which, after I uttered the magic words “free booze” of course he did, so I told him where the party was at and he said he’d meet us there. At Kate’s I believe we probably watched Shortland St together, and got poshed up, me making the last minute decision to switch from my party frock to my cleavage top (and of course SHRN yellow scarf), which I think in hindsight was quite fortuitous, and we set off to pick up her friend Olly, who is British but edits a certain ‘lifestyle’ paper. Haha, that’s me exercising my ‘get out of jail free’ card again. I get to say “but” because we all know that I find British accents ridiculously hot, BUT I try not to waste my time hankering after boys if I know straight away (as opposed to at Ruby on Friday) that they’re gay. Y’dig? Yeah. Anyways. We had to trek around and around and around The Secret Garden looking for La, cos the entrance isn’t actually on the street that it says it’s on, but eventually we kind of gave up and went in, keen to get started on the free liquor. Or at least I was. Given that KateH was driving, I imagine that she was a little more restrained. I got severely fucked off because Horrible Gay Jonny (and let me point out here that the ‘gay’ tag is used because before him I’d had another Horrible Jonny flatmate) was serving drinks and grrrrrrrr he makes me so mad with his theiving and then his fakeness. Bah. I’ve vented about this already. But I am setting the scene for what comes later by giving a partial reason as to why I downed so so so many glasses of bubbly very quickly ie: I was angus and also a little bored until La showed up. KateB was at the party too, but she left pretty early, so mostly I just talked to Olly and KateH (although they knew lots of people) and La, until much later in the night when we were out the back adn the bubbly had run out and I’d switched to beer and was talking to a whole bunch of random guys and a couple of other people I knew. Now, in further stage setting, let me tell you about the toilets at the Secret Garden – they have shower curtains for doors. Yuck! I’d had one piece of cheese that went straight to my bowels and I was like aaaaargh, but then I thought “Well, you know what? These girls here jostling for space to adjust their makeup, I don’t respect them, why should I care about what they think of me?”. Later though the toilets were all floody and still really crowded, so I couldn’t have a quiet puke, which meant that all the beer and bubbly stayed in my stomach. Foreshadowing.

Eventually almost all the people I knew had left – KateH with the oh so subtle “call my cellie when you get to my house – or if you should happen to be staying in (certain address implying that I would be in someone else’s bed), I can come and pick you up from there”. Aww bless her. I imagine I said something like “Well, I’d like to say that’s not going to happen but I’d probably be lying”. Needless to say pretty much as soon as she’d left, perhaps, I found myself making out with a boy, and soon we were in a taxi on our way to his house. Now, I’ve made out in taxis with three other boys before (oh hush, not all at the same time) and the drivers have always been the embodiment of discretion. This driver was an ASSHOLE. Okay, admittedly I can’t remember exactly what it was that he was saying, but I think it was of the nudge nudge wink wink “go on my son” type commentary which was really really unnecessary, and which probably contributed a little to my later unease. Anyways so I found myself in a house that is very familiar to me, and in fact on a bed that I’d been on before, peeing in a bathroom where I’d peed so many times before mid-coitally, and it was just a little bit strange. Before I knew what was what, he had a condom on, and I was like “woahhhhhhh, wait a minute….” I know that I’ve bitched for a year and a half about my total lack of sex, but what with it staring me in the face like that (so to speak, of course), and the feelings that being back in that house stirred up again, I suddenly realised I couldn’t do it, and I told him so. I’ve been without sex for so long I’m a second-time virgin, and I just think it’d be really wrong to do it with someone that I’m not in love with – or failing love then at least Ridiculously Hot wrists-tied-above-my-head, him-whispering-in-my-ear-about-all-the-things-he’s-going-to-do and then how-he’s-going-to-pass-me-onto-all-his-friends-cos-I’m-such-a-fucking-whore Dirty Passion Violent Fucking. Giggly-drunk-friend-scoring isn’t good enough, unfortunately. So instead, I went down on him (well, I would have anyway) but I was in much more of a hurry for him to hurry up and come so that he’d stop begging me to let him fuck me. He still had the condom on at the start, and that was strange, and of course, his dick was hitting the back of my throat, and I was still full of beer and bubbly, so what happened? Oh yeah, I started gagging and my mouth filled with vomit. Now, I thought I’d just swallowed it back (heh) but after he’d finally finished, he was like “umm, I’m going to go sleep in the lounge, cos you threw up on this side of the bed” and I was like “omg, wtf?” and then I got all offended and was like “FINE! If you won’t sleep with me then I guess I’ll go to Kate’s” (cos you know, I totally had the moral highground on my side – hahahaha) and after he’d left, I groped around in the dark (some more, haha man, how many fucking double entendres can one entry have? I guess this is like, a year and a half’s worth poured into one night) trying to find my clothes, since he doesn’t have a lightbulb in his room. I left without a skirt (luckily I was wearing pants underneath) but with pearl necklaces (haha, see previous-to-previous brackets) and hiked up to the main road to get some cash and find a taxi and hope that my cellphone battery didn’t die, which it seemed to be doing. Somehow though I managed to get a taxi, and the driver seemed much nicer when I complained about the previous one, and KateH got up and let me in and all seemed well in the world.

Tuesday 7th

I woke up around 10.30am, feeling pretty damn sorry for myself, let me tell you. Kateh had left a room outside the room that I was sleeping in with her worknumber on it, so I gave her a call cos I knew she was supposed to come home and turn the alarm on when I left. When I told her that yes, I had gone home with the boy, she briefly wondered why I hadn’t just stayed the night there then, but accepted my explanation that it was weird. I don’t know if I mentioned the puke thing or not – I probably tried to conceal it so that she didn’t worry about her flatmate’s bed. Who knows? Anyways, it transpired that she wouldn’t be able to make it home until lunchtime so I had a cold shower (like I should have had the night before, but nevermind) and settled down with my laptop to write the ‘Things Not To Do Whilst Sucking Cock’ entry that only my Hubrettes can read, and to contemplate how much my black and silver skirt meant to me vs the having to go back to the boy’s house and pick it up. Well, when KateH finally got home it was 2.30pm so I realised I couldn’t put it off anymore, so it was off to the boy’s house with me. Him and all his flatmates were all sitting out on the back porch in the sun. I had no idea what he’d told them, but I do know that the walls there are paper thin (and that the girl he shares a wall with is a prudey little virgin, hahahah). I tried to play it all casual, just “hey, how’s it going?”. He was laughing at me when I had to say “so um, did I leave my skirt in your room?” so I double-casualed it by saying “haha, that sounds really bad”. Yeah I’m going to pretend that your flatmates didn’t hear me faking an orgasm if I want to, okay? Sweet. They were like “oh what are you up to today?” which meant I had a trump card up my sleeve – I told them I was going to go see Iva, which was true but also I knew that there was bad blood between them all, so they started going blah blah blah which took the heat off me and I got to leave holding my head up high. Phew!

Next up on my agenda was a visit to Wendy’s and then to the shore to see Iva Beaver. we sat in the sun and talked about Bernard, amongst other things. Ahh sweet sweet dusty cups. Then I went to meet up with OLIVIA and STEVE and KYLA, once I finally found her house, that is (stupid Americans saying “eighteen” instead of “seventeen”, or more likely stupid hungover not-awake&capable of listening me). After cruising Franklin Road to see the lights and marvel at the audacity of the house with a COFFEE CART in front of it, we went to Joy Bong for dinner, where I struggled to question how the tofu was done in a tofu and eggplant dish I was eyeing up (when I’m around vegans I eat vegan). I got a different dish instead cos I was afraid it’d be the squishy kind I don’t like, and as Olivia said of my tofu, it turns out i want it done like it’s a bouncy castle. It was so great to see them again, cos I haven’t seen them since umm forever, but they were tired from the flight, and I was tired from the debauchary and found myself only able to say “the thing with the stuff” and “so hot right now”. Whatever happened to Verbacious Joanna? We fought over the bill and I thought I won and paid it but the next day I found some cash in my bag so either they slipped it in or I am just terrible with money. Then we went back to Kyla’s to watch half of Harry Potter 3 and make dirty jokes about paedophilia. Have some chocolate little boy, and all of that. Of course the night didn’t last nearly long enough, but sigh, I guess I’ll get to see them again in a couple of years or something.

Wednesday 8th
Having stayed at Kateb’s again, I got up in time to do some research on a Certain Band Who Have A Lot of Members adn Wear Robes because I was interviewing their frontman. He was a little grumpy and the line wasn’t that good. Sigh. Then I drove back to Welly and Sebby was overjoyed to see me. The end.

Monday the 15th of July, two thousand and two

At work today, I was running MSN Messenger (cloud_tiare) cos it was on my computer and cos both Teri and Bridget were out of the office and I didn’t have anything to do except answer their phones if they rang (in the morning, I rushed over to answer Teri’s, picked it up and was like “Good morning Communications Office, Teri speaking” before I realised my mistake and I had to go “wait wait wait, sorry, I’m not actually Teri, I meant it was her phone” when the woman on the other end started talking all familiarly) and of course Skew didn’t tell me until I’d made a mad dash across the office for Bridget’s phone that I could just dial her extension on my phone and push 8 to get her call. But anyways, what was my point? Oh yeah, I was talking to Peter on MSN, and he said that there’s a theoretical petition in existence that I should write my journal every day, and so far him and Jane have signed it. And if he’s making up fibs about you again Jane, then I’m sorry, but hey, it’s Peter, and what do you expect? And also, I think you should write about wanking – people will think you’re weirder if they suspect that you don’t do it. And have I got Pete in trouble enough yet?

Anyways, the 13 minutes or so that it took for me to eat a sandwhich sitting outside in the sun froze me to the bone, but at least it was sunshine, right? What else is noteworthy? The fax machine in our office doesn’t like me, and it won’t work, unless i’m alone, in which case it works fine. I think it’s trying to make me look incompetent – and it’s succeeding. But I mastered it while I was alone, and so I resolve never to let it smell my fear again. So yeah, obviously a very productive day all around. I have two days off now, finally, then part two of my induction course on Thursday morning (this time we get a tour around the main part’o the organisation, exciting!) and work on Friday afternoon, then back to tech on Monday. I worked out my time table – it sucks. Well actually, I have no classes earlier that 10am, which is excellent for me, but I will be working 4.5 hours on Wednesdays after class, 2.5 on Thursdays, and then all day fridays. Grr. Still, money is good. I like money. Also today, I got 2/3 of my exam results – a B and a B+, but I have no idea which papers were which, cos they just give you the paper #, not its name, and who ever remembers those? Still I’m pleased, and will be even more pleased if one of those is Persuasive Communication ie: the exam I don’t remember sitting cos I was so doped up. And speaking of which, soon I will find out if my migraines are going to be a reoccuring theme.

OH! OH! OH!!!!!! OH OH OH! That’s the other thing I had to tell you! I got my birthday present from Olivia and s5 in the mail today. They sent me a Vinne’s Tampon Case and Journal! I am in love with Vinnie now, and also o and s5, but then I always loved them anyways. It kicks ass! Clay was like all “ummmmmm. ummmmmmmm. ummmmmmmmm” when he first saw it and I told him it was a coffee table book, but then he picked it up and flicked through it and saw how cool it was. I like talkign about bleeding, and now I get to write about it even more too! Speaking of which, according to my packet, I am one day late. Oh well. I’m all mango enough now to know it’ll be real soon, like tomorrow. Also, isn’t it weird how your period cramps don’t kick in until you go to the bathroom and see that you’re bleeding? Yes, yes it is!

Okay, that’s about it. Hopefully tomorrow I will be all domesticated and clean my room and the lounge and do the dishes and go vege shopping. It’s holidays but all my friends are busy working super duper hard, as per usual, at their jobs and careers. Shucks. So no holiday for me. Bops comes back on Friday – I want her back NOW.

Me: “I love this song” (She Speeds, Straitjacket Fits) – Anji “I bought a copy of this song when you were seven years old”. How rude. Anyways, so would you firstly like to hear about my day, or about my week so far? Show of hands? Day it is then.

When I woke up, my nose and throat were still sore, stinkies, but hey, at least I’d got some sleep – and strange dreams as usual. I knew i was supposed to go have lunch with Karen but there was fresh baked bread and brie in the kitchen so I figured I’d have breakfast first. And so I did. I also yelled at Mum to please stop asking me questions about what I was up to today because i really can’t take the whole having to be accountable for every second of my time and she knew very well that Karen wasn’t answering her phone because she’d just called and so how was i to have been able to arrange lunch? But Mum was very nice about it and put my clothes in the dryer for me so that i’d have something to wear. Unfortunately that meant that i had to surrendar my sheet but it’s actually fucking cold down here so it’s probably just as well. I wish I’d thought better and packed more warm clothes but then again, I packed whilst stoned <!– he’s such a gentleman that he always lights it for me whenever we smoke –> and in two minutes so I guess that wasn’t the smartest idea ever. But anyways.

Eventually, Anji and Linda were ready so we drove to go and pick up Karen. We’d wanted to go to Imbibe for lunch, cos I’ve never been there, but it wasn’t open, so we went to Olive and I had two absolutly divine coffees and a quesadilla. Mmmmmm Olive coffee. And then Karen and I went shopping, leaving the oldies to look through their photos again. I went and got 200g of X for Mother and 200g of Cuban for myself to take back to Auckland from Midnight Esspresso, and then I tried to decide what to get her for her birthday. Also, if you ever want to get me an amazing present, convince the people in the second hand books/clothes/stuff shop on the corner of Cuba Street and Swan Lane to sell you one of their two giant Playmobil boys. Thank you. I ended up buying Mum “Nature’s Best” which is an NZ music compilation cd that I’d planned on giving to Neil for his birthday, but since that’s in June, I have more time to think of something else for him. I got a free disposable camera with it, even! And I also made myself a beautiful necklace in the Bead Store, for only $3.50. Excellent. And then we went and had hot chocolate at Felix and walked up to the Embassy to get our tickets to see ‘Lord of the Rings’.

LOR has been screening for what – two months now? And the Embassy seats 826 people, but it was still completely full, at a 5.10 session on a Thursday. Crazy. But we did manage to get seats – good seats even, because the woman at the ticket counter took a shine to us and gave us her own personal seats. Yay for that. I liked the movie a lot. I adore Elijah Wood – of course, even if i hadn’t seen the movie I’d still love him from the way he kept hugging all the New Zealand tv reporters at all the previews. And I’d be very happy with a doubleteam of Legalos and Aragorn to defend me. Mmmmm. I’m smutty.

After the movie, we went and got cheap (and not very nice) Malaysian food and then went back to Karen’s apartment where I did things to her that made me laugh and laugh and laugh but what I’m not allowed to write about. And then eventually Anji came and picked me up. So yeah, that was my very very exciting day. So do you want to hear about my week now, or are you already bored and flicking away to something else?

Okay, so Sunday was Ben’s 21st party, kinda, although it ended up being more my friends than his, I think. I got to see Steve and Olivia and Kini though which was cool. And KateM and Elliot, although she told me off for flirting with him but I wasn’t really hardly even. And JeremyO<!– who’s bitter that when I introduced him to s&o&k I was like “but it’s not THAT jeremy” –>. And KateB, of course. Some wanker passed out in my bed and so she slapped me awake from my sleep on the couch to get me to move him. He wouldn’t move so I kicked him and swore at him a lot. Previously he’d been really pervy and disgusting and icky anyways actually, and he makes me so mad I don’t even wanna write about him, so I won’t.

On Monday Justin woke me up by calling to meet me for lunch, and while I was talking on the phone ot him and trying to get my head together, i realised that there was someone lying next to me on the bed so I was like “oh fuck” until my eyes managed to focus and it was just KateB. Phew. Although I’m sure she did dirty things to me while I was sleeping, of course. KateH arrived and we went to drive down to Justin’s work but then my car wouldn’t start because it was completely and utterly drained of petrol, thanks Ben. He is of course refusing to top it up claiming no responsibility, so grrr. KateH even yelled at him over the phone. Anyways. So we ended up calling Justin and meeting him and KateH’s flatmate in the Imax foodcourt, which was a very bad idea beacuse it was very bright and very crowded and Iw as very very ill and everything was spinning and far too dazzling. So as soon as i was able to, I crawled back into bed.

On Tuesday, I was feeling much much better, thank god, and the house was also even a little tidier. It was raining though, and it took FORTY MINUTES to get the Link to Newmarket to meet JeremE for a drink. To put that into perspective for you, I could have walked there in 20, so I really really should have, except that it was raining, and I was wearing heels. Damn rush hour traffic and unreliable buses. But anyways, so I had a drink or two with Jeremy and then we went and got Mercury Plaza and hung out for a while. He left right before the start of the final of The Secret Life of Us, which was excellent timing (KatieH, did you get the tape off Clay yet? he also has your key to our house, presuming he hasn’t given it to The Evil One). So I had a sniffle at the TV show, being the final and all, and then Clay came home. He was cutting a promo for a kid’s movie called “My Dog Skip” and Iw as absolutely disgusted to find myself crying at that. And I did my packing, and shortly after midnight KateB and Mischa arrived to pick me up.

I don’t wanna write about the drive down because there were some fucking freaky things that happened, although it was nice to be with Kate, een if her kitten did piss on me. Just it was very long, and we were both very wired, and seeing accidents is fucking horrible and thinking that maybe a ham sandwich saved your life is fucking freaky as well.

We arrived in Welly about 10.30am and I had a couple of drinks because I was so fucking wired and then tried to sleep. I managed about an hour long nap maybe. Still, in the evening I went out with Anji and Linda (who’s staying here) and we met up with her friend Gregor who bought me a drink and chastised me again for not dressing up as a schoolgirl. I promised him that I would do better next time and that Iw ould have if I’d packed properly. Although i doubt i would have, because it’s SO FUCKIGN COLD down here. And sure i bitch about the heat in Auckland, but it’s always about how the grass is greener on the other side. I like Jet Lounge because they have Finlandia as their house vodka. I also dropped past Ayna’s cos she’d told me she was going to have a big night but she wasn’t home. I got to say hi to Kartini though (who doesn’t live there) and apparently, it’s all about Bass Frontiers on Friday night at Sub9. Excellent. I might even take Anji and Linda with me.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Let’s see if I can figure out how to log into Saturn from here. Ohhh apparently I have a cunt directory. Hahahaha excellent.

Just as I was getting really bored this afternoon and watching the Superbowl, KateB rang me and sounded really discontent so I said I’d go pick her up from work and we’d have coffee. Which is kind of exactly what we did, only instead of “coffee” read “chocolate martini” and there was a drive to The’Puna in there first to blow off steam. And whilst there we formulated a wonderful plan and fingers crossed, it will all come to fruition. So she came back here to drink bubbly and celebrate, and we made a lot of bad jokes at each other.
I went to see the pirate movie today but they wouldn’t let me in!
Why not?
Because it was rated “arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr” !

That’s hilarious, you know.

So anyways, I was in the kitchen just starting to prepare her dinner when I heard this “miaow?” and then I started screaming and screaming and so she came rushing in but I was just being all excited because Olivia and Steve showed up! In fact, they showed up so much that if I get around to it,they even made it to my dancing monkey page. Plus Steve is putting Hubris on saturn5, so I love him even more. Anyways, I made them vegan pasta, and I did the panda dance for them and Kate joined in with the penguin dance, and so I have no doubt that Steve now thinks I’m a fucking psychotic, but hey, that’s okay. And it was excellent. And I love them. And I need to see them again cos they owe me presents. I love that excuse.

And then they went and KateB and I walked down to Fu, but it was all full, so I waited until a friend of hers showed up and walked home. The walk made me so hot that my glasses steamed upwhen I put them on when I got home, and that sucks. Oh well. And now I’m umm, what am I doing? Not much. Still being hot. Waiting for all my files to move over.

KatieB says that she’s going to wake me up tomorrow at 8.30am to drop off Mischa which won’t be any fun at all, except that Mischa is a lot of fun, so yay for that. And then I have other things to do later in the day which will be fun as well. Also I got txts from Ayna tonite so that was cool (oh my god, txt HAS taken over my life – do you notice how I don’t use g-h words anymore cos they take too long to type on a cellie?) except that I miss the Welly Massive, and also it’s amusing how much I’m so not interested in the person I was crushed out on over Xmas. But hey, people change and move on and all that, right? And besides, Diane didn’t wanna share me with him and how could I go against that?