Hubris.co.nz

What shall we do with a drunken sailor? Well, nothing if Penny doesn’t bloody answer her phone sometime real soon!

I’m light headed from taking in Helium at the Dog where I ran to to get out of the house. They were decorating the place for Halloween, and Kate brought over a balloon going “this will make you smile” and it did but now yeah, light headed, and sick, but that’s not from helium, that’s from eating.

If I can’t get ahold of Penny, I can’t go to her flatwarming, so i might go to a fur party with Kate Benton instead. I have a faux fur collar after all.

I just had the coolest sneeze. I think that was about as close to an orgasm as I’ll be getting. Brilliant!

Yes, it’s me. writing another journal entry. Oh wait, and yes, I’m drunk. It’s 4.20pm. It is my birthday though, so it’s okay. And the emails I have from livia going “yay, you’re lesbian rooting age now” are just testament to that.

My feet are SO cold, I really must find some socks. And maybe my hoody. I should also really pack. Ouch, my teeth. Fudge and bubbly do not mix.

Oh my god, nigel gave me magic sand, and it truely does not get wet! It is sooo soo cool. We all spent a lot of time marvelling at it over the remains of breakfast. It’s made by moose, hwo are probably most famous for Sea Monkeys. You can’t trade a cow for magic sand, you know! Clayton also woke me up this morning real early to give me my pressie from him and brad – geri halliwell’s book! I am so so stoked. AND they gave me a big bunch of flowers too, so yaaaay. Popular Kate, Justin and Maree gave me this soooo gorgeous sari

It was Maree’s idea, strangely enough. She knows me very very well. The card she gave me was a square one, with a picture of a girl and the word “cute” on it. EVERYONE gave me square cards, ti’s so weird. Oh wait, no, shirley didn’t. But everyone else did. Shirley gave me a nekkid man torso statue, as Inspiration, apparently. I think I would rather root someone with a head and arms and legs though, if I get a choice in the matter.

Lunch was goood, I can’t believe all the food got eaten, but that’s okay. Justin tried to make us drink five year old Bernadino, but it looked like morning piss.

I have to qwrite my speech for Shirley’s 21st still, and maybe start packing. But I dunno if I can be assed. YAY I am going tomorrow. Apart from my teeth hurting, i really do feel so much better today than I have in ages. I deserve this, this is a good thing. heh, I dumped thomas on my last birthday, which really does beg the question as to why we got involved again, but hey, oh well. Damn teeth, fuck up. If I want to drink more cheap bubbly, I bloody well will, and you can like it or lump it.

My hands smell nice like roses cos of the moisturized Penny gave me. I wonder if I should wear my sari tonight. What should I wear?: I really dunno. I really should go pack. And get off the phone line so more people can call me. Okay dokey!

xox

Ooohj i wanna read my geri book!

It’s cold, but not as cold as it has been, and I’m feeling quite snug. I have also just finished my last assignment – designing a business card, advertisement and another cd cover. My ad was for a rave called “Olympia” and it featured a 3D logo typa thing. I made up dj names for it, so there was DJ Twin, cos I was talking to Shirley on the phone, Fork, Spook, and then I started looking around my desk for Molko, Bik, and Korma. Oh and Colour By Numbers, which was an allusion to the number thing I was reading Shirley at the time as well.

Why is it that whenever I’m brokest I go shopping? Maree and I went to St. Lukes today (I rang her – she was like “I was just about to call you, only I thought ‘no, must not call joanna, must study, must not call joanna’ “) so that we could find birthday presents for Shirley, but instead I found myself buying a pressie for Kini, because when I saw it I knew she had to have it, and I love her lots and stuff. And Maree convinced me I needed more foundation, and I DID need saline solution, and a budget hoodie, so I was well served. Except of course, for not getting Shirley a pressie. I will have to look again tomorrow. Oh, we also cut Maree a key, so now Kimmy Gibbler can come over whenever she wants. And she can house-sit for us.

Our ad in the Herald rang today, but only one guy rang about the flat, and he seemed put off by the fact that there’d be four of us in the house. Go figure. He sounded boring anyway. We still have ads up at uni and AUT, and will have a couple in the trade and exchange coming out on Monday, but it just seems like a lost cause really. I’m stressed, yes, but Brad is calm, and it’s him that’s going to be left here alone whilst Clay and I trot off on our holidays. Although of course, Maree will be around. She’s driving me mad lately calling me “cutie cutie cutie”. Apparently she thinks the number of guys that I have slept with is extremely cute. I’m not sure I agree with her, but I guess the fact that I’ve uncontrollably started sucking my thumb doesn’t help much either. Brad keeps on laughing at me for that too. And if Clayton was ever home, he probably would as well. Man, I’ve become such a target for ridicule! It’s just not fair!!!!!

Three more sleeps to go! I am very very excited, as you can imagine I would be. Our house is such a pigstye right now – I dont’ know whether I should clean it before I go or not. Brad reckons this is our equilibrium, half way between the mess of Simon, and the clean of Thomas. Gosh, I quote an awful lot of other people, don’t I? Oh yeah, I wanted to quote this too:

From: “Peter Mahoney”
Date: June 14, 2000 7:37:20 AM EDT
To: Joanna McLeod

“Peter and Kate M were discussing my journal tonight at the bar, cos they’re both sometimes readers. ”

Sometimes readers? I’m so desparate for human connection these days that I actually got on the net tonight *just* to see if you’d added anything new to your journal.

Heh. It’s always nice when there are people sadder than me. I still haven’t fixed my desk chair. I’ve stolen a dining room chair instead. Oh, remind me to ring Dr. White tomorrow and reassure her that I’m still alive. And I must ring Penny and invite her for saturday, and do some more laundry, and write a packing list. My life is very exciting, as you can see. Yaaaaaaaaaaaay I turned in my report on my cd rom today. Brad had lent me his laptop last night so I could work on it in the lurve tent. Damn I wanna laptop now. I felt so New Media. If only it was an ibook. Right, I’m just rambling now. I should stop. Okay.

Oooh I got my first birthday card yesterday, from Karen – it was one of those square cards that I really dig, and it had a picture of a girl on it, and the words “Drama Queen”. Bitch!

Friday 29; January, 1999
I figured it was time I tried to make this page look a tiny bit more classy, so here we are. Typing inside a frame because it’s easier that way. Is that okay? Ooooh, I’m liking the slight change in colour-scheme. I hope you’re liking it too. After all, without you, I’m nothing.

The orange goes so well with the purple, and it’s my little tribute to Jo, too. I miss her stacks. The summer of 97/98 I spent mostly with Amy – when I wasn’t with Matt – but this summer I spent most of my time with Jo, so I’m just used to being able to drive over to Miramar, pick her up and go to the beach or town or whatever. Of course now though, I’m in Auckland, and she’s in Christchurch, hopefully doing okay. Xoxoxoxo to you when you read this, hon.

Gosh, I’m being so damn cliquey in this entry today, huh? I know through one of my many counters (yes, I’m obsessed) where people are finding this site from. Most of the people who read my journal have it bookmarked. Others come to Ego Much? from Holloway, Green Oatmeal and also another site where I have some writing posted. (Oh, is there a missing link there? What, AGAIN? Man, I must be forgetful). Talking about Green Oatmeal, I really do suggest that you go and look at it. I was so thrilled when I went back today and discovered that Beth has a JOURNAL up now. She’s so funny, I love her site to bits.

Oh yeah, and speaking of worship (yes, I know this entry is turning just completly self indulgent and internet-people obsessed) Holloway Matthew had some really really interesting things to say about reading other people’s pages which I’d quote, except it’s like too long, so go here and read it for yourself. He gets brownie points for listing me as a ‘really great person’. Wahoo.

I watched Havoc tonight, which probably explains why I’m being so stuck up and self-indulgent. It was their big-day-out special and all the Hole footage made me go “awwwwwwww” and want to be back there. It was a truely truely mind blowing experiance. I love Courtney Love, so I thought all her banter was great, but I guess I can see how people who didn’t like her would hate it. Maybe that’s what my page is like – to a great lesser extent. I mean, I know there are people who enjoy reading it, because they like me. I also know there are people who don’t enjoy reading it, because they don’t like me. Quick question then – WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HERE? Everyone can ask themselves that, not just the people who dislike me.

Other things that are noteworthy – ummm there’s more stuff on the Written page in case I didn’t already mention that. It’s all old stuff, but now it’s actually linked to. Also I updated my Leaving page, making it far more snobby, so that it’s all sites that I actually respect. No more links to ugly pages from people I know off IRC that really have very little to offer. Fuck I’m nasty these days. Oh well.

I had the worst night’s sleep ever – I had to get up at 5.30am cos I was too hot, and bitten and stuff, so I booted up my computer and talked to Heidi – that’s Simon’s girlfriend who’s back in Finland now. We’re starting a brothel together. She rocks so much – me and Jo taught her all our annoying little sayings (“you’re malcolm”, “on the piss”, “sucks to my asthma” etc) and she’s still using them, and is doing her best to spread them around. The landlord rang me out of bed at 9am, and came around half an hour later with the locksmith – so that’s definatly worth getting up for. Layton’s bed and desk got delivered, and he himself arrived. I talked to him for a while, then had to excuse myself at 11.30am to go back to bed, where I slept for four hours. I just didn’t know what to talk to him about. Clayton’s moving in on Sunday, so hopefully things will be easier after then. The problem is that I’ve sort of settled into a routine having lived here for a week either by myself, or just with Simon who has pretty much the same habits as me (wake after 12pm, bum around all day online, eat dinner as the first meal of the day, then eat toast at night until about 2am then go to bed). I know I’ll have to get out of that pattern once tech starts up again, but still…. I wonder what it’ll be like living with two people I hardly know that I’m expected to interact with.

Anyways, so that’s probably enough for tonight. Oh yeah, just a little request – PLEASE sign my guestbook if you’re new here, or sign it anyways. I’d love to know what sort of people are reading about me and stuff. Market research and all that.

I’m listening to the Tank Girl soundtrack right now. I miss L7. I miss Grrly 5th form, and Cyst – the zine I made with Penny and Sarah that consisted entirely of putting down Room 6 people.

Friday the 8th of January, 1999
Penny and her boyfriend Graeme came around to see me this afternoon. He was like, old, and had a beard. Well, he’s 23 I think, but that just seems so old because in my mind, Penny will always be 15. He’s a navy guy too, and he was quite quiet. We showed him some of the drawings Penny did back in school of Ms Caldwell – naturally he was shocked. She’s a worry, man! Or she used to be anyways. It’s weird to think that she has a boyfriend now, because we were so single together throughout all of school.

In the evening, I went with Jo to a party in Te Aro. The house was up on a hill, and we had to park waaaaaay up the street because the road was so narrow and otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to park properly because I suck. The house was really cool, sorta half in the middle of renovations, but it was very styley. I had a glass of really yummy punch but that’s all I could have cos I was driving and it was leathel. So yeah, I was sober, which probably didn’t help much.

People were having such bullshit conversations, man, like “what do you think about about the pyramids”. God, three thousand years from now, will people think that the Sky Tower was built for religious reasons? I had to tune out of that conversation before I opened my mouth, so instead I zoomed in on a bunch of dishy guys. That was choice until they started talking about starwars. Am I just too cynical? Cos I swear to god, they were like getting turned on by the trailer for the new ones and shit.

Eventually I just went into this quiet room lit by candles and went and laid down on a sofa for like an hour, staring at a trippy screen saver. Then Reece, who was definatly my Eye Candy for the night, and this guy Jeremy who is friends with my friend Hulita, but who’s also in Vision, came in and started playing around on a music making thing. Yeah, good grasp of terminology there, Joanna!!! It was um some sampler& beat thingie or something. So they started playing techno on it, so I danced for a long time which was choice.

Yeah, that’s about it, eh. They were spinning some funky ass old hip hop in the red room, but there were so many Goths and boganny people that I didn’t know in that room. I’m sure goths are all nice as individuals, but they seem so set in their culture that I don’t belong to that they don’t strike me as being very approachable. You know what I mean? If you do, you’re doing bettter than me.

I shouldn’t drive around by myself at night, or space out and think. I’ve figured out too much about myself now, and I’m really not liking what I’m seeing. People have told me they like my journal because it’s happy – I guess that idea’s gone now. I’m so thinking of stopping doing this, or maybe starting up a second journal

Friday the 1st of January

Me, as sketched by Penny, January 1st, 1996. Ahhhhhhhhh Ben! NYE 98/99 was in no way as memorable.

Sunday the 20th of December

So according to my grudge book, I’m a concept. And I’m fucked too. Coool. I was thrilled when I read that cos I was like “YAY! My Helenafication begins now”. But then I realised that no, it doesn’t because I know who wrote it. You’re right, I did ask for it. I think it’s interesting that someone who wants so little to do with me keeps coming back to read more, and also knows enough to quote it. But then again, you always were in denial about everything, weren’t you?

That said and done, I can move on. (No, really I can). I worked four hours in the Bakehouse today. It wasn’t too busy, except there was practically always people LOOKING in the shop, just not buying. They’ve got really cool purple tissue in now – I guess Jo got the last of the orange. After that I came home to the message in my grugde book, and took a minute to work out who it was from.

I was sitting around working on Karen’s Xmas pressie, when the phone rang. Within a minute I was out the door, on my way to Johnsonville to pick up my Onslow Best Friend (I figure I have to catergorize my best friends since I’ve got like a girl in every port – or so to speak). I haven’t seen Penny since like – June maybe, cos she’s always away with the Navy (yes, i know!). So that was fantastic. Her parents have moved to Cortina Ave, which is like the personification of Johnsonville Suburbia. So many of my friends from Onslow live close to it. It’s like Edward Scissor Hands town meets a big treeless hill. So that was kind of weird to be going there, given how few Onslow people I’ve kept in touch with. Sarh used to live at 80 Cortina Ave, in such an ugly characterless house. I soooooo want to call Dylan, espeically since I saw he has a story on the front page of the Independant Herald. So what if Sarah gets mad? There’s no friendship there to loose now anyways.

The Benton Parents were also over for dinner, but Penny and I took over the lounge, giggling over my scrapbook of saved notes and her drawings (just wai til I get a scanner!) Ahhhhhhhhh the old memories. We played hardtrance in the car to bring back those old rave memories. And we watched Spice World. That’s like the tenth time for me. It’s gotten to the stage where I start giggling a minute before my favourite bits, because I know it so well, and because it’s SO good. That’s not sarcasm. I fully love the Spice Girls. Geri Forever!

When I took her home, we stopped in the quad at Onslow so she could have a go driving the van. Then we turned the stereo up as loud as it could go, and danced hardtrance in the wind and the mist, in front of a school and a life we can’t return to. That hyped us up fully, so then we drove up and down the driveway, managing to get airbourne over one of the speed bumps. Driving back to Cortina Ave, we left the windows open and roared, Scary Spice style, at all the kids we passed. We went avisiting to Rosalie’s but she wasn’t home, so we went to Narelle’s – who wasn’t home either.

I was so suprised to hear from Penny, especially since I’d just been thinking about her this morning – after dreaming about Pixie (the girl, not the cat). I’d been feeling so much that nothing had changed since I’d left school, and I’d kept feeling like it was still 1997, but I know now that it’s not. A whole year has past, and I’ve changed a whole lot. I reaslised just how confident I’ve become when we were dancing in the Quad. Blossomed I could say – if I wanted to blow my own trumpet.

“And if you could see me now

Said if you could see me now

Girls, you’ve got to know when it’s time to turn the page”