See yes, in practice, I’m bisexual, and I know because I do it in secret corners that it’s not just a for-show thing, I like to tell stories, but I do also like to live in the moment. This is why I’m currently in confusion. I like the physicalness of pashing – but I also very much like the emotional satisfaction of someone wanting to pash me, and maybe in my current physical (read: fat. Or maybe super curvy if you wanna be that way) then I am more attractive to girls than I am to men, but like, dude, I’d like to pash a boy. That would be nice.

And there are guys. There was Tingle earlier this year and I destroyed any hope of that with my passive aggressive mental texting – I should have just sat on my hands and hoped that he’d break up with his girlfriend and realised that we had like, so much in common and he was exactly EXACTLY like a boy in my past – how could he not know that and see that and want to be that role in my life? And there are very very brief segue-ways (but I’m not riding around on one because I’m not a douche) and this Saturday at Kowhai’s I met a boy that I thought that I should totally totally be with forever, and I was worried that maybe I’d told him that and maybe that’d been a bit weird for him and though we should totally be together, maybe I’d come on a bit strong, because I was a little bit drunk after Amy’s 30th, but then Karen put my mind at ease by going “oh, the guy you were straddling?” so really, I don’t need to worry about anything I said. But yes, he was really ordinary, and hard to describe, and I don’t know his name, but I totally thought we had the same sense of humour and I liked him.

And see, maybe that’s the point. A couple of weeks ago, I had a Romanian party, and then we went to a “fetish” party – I use the quotes because it was people dressing up like they think fetishes would be, rather than full-on gimp masks – and there was this girl who kept grabbing my boobs, because “i like boobies” and I got to grab hers lots, and while I wanted to pull her out of public view and do more than that, I’m not like “I would like to have a relationship with her”. And maybe it’s I haven’t met the right girl, or maybe I’m homophobic (“if I’m just getting blowjobs, not getting it up the ass, then I’m not gay, right?”) but it’s just like urrrgh, I like boys, and I like cock, and I’d really like to get some please.

And that’s what the title of this post is all about – it’s the work-friendly version of my universal request. If you’re not a boy and/or you don’t want to have sex with me, can you please introduce me to your friends? Invite me to parties, invite me to nights out, even if we’re not that close. I’ll name my kids after you, it’ll be awesome. I’ll be a great wife. And if it’s sunny on Sunday, I’m having an official launch of Sausage Quest 2008. I’m not providing anything officially, but I will totally probably make margaritas, and I have the best terrace ever. Come over any time and bring anyone.

Oh and if that’s not your bag baby, please at least pass on this message: flatmate wanted, lovely big room, Newtown $160

xojo