Hubris.co.nz

These are highlights from my journal that I kept in my red book in Australia. Obviously, it’s not everything. I was doing a whole bunch of thinking, and no one needs to read all of that. But these are the entertaining highlight parts.

Monday, June 19th, 2000

I kept waking up all night and going back to sleep. Anji told me a couple of times to stop snoring. She herself was snoring too though! But anyways, yes, I woke up about 9am although that felt like 11am to me, which was good. Anji went out with Mike to get her hair dyed, so I stayed to potter around the house. I heated pizza under their funny grill, read Lolita and wrote in my journal. It feels a little more chore-like now to record everything, but I want records so I’ll have to get over that. Anji came home around 12.30 and showed me stacks and stacks of photos before we finally went for lunch.

We went to Atomic, because Anji said they had the best coffee. Fuck it was sooooooooo good. The place reminds us both of Olive – limited food selection, because the focus is on the perfect cup of coffee. But I had a cibatta sandwich anyways, with brie and advacado and salad and capsicums and mmmm it was yummy. Then we went to a net cafe, so Anji could check her email. I checked mine as well – I only7 had one from Jody, and sent a group SMS to Shirley, Maree, Popular Kate and Brad. I also showed Anji my cd rom. She’s threatened to chant “cunt cunt cunt” to me while I sleep so that I start to believe it.

We walked to a mall so Anji could pick up a shoe she was having fixed, and go to the movies. The place had purple carpet and walls, with gold painted pillars and screens – very swish. And the actual theatre had sparkly gold speakers and comfy seats with lots and lots of leg room. The movie we saw was pretty dumb, but kind of cute anywas. It was called Keeping the Faith and stared Ben Stiller as a rabbi, Edward Norton as a priest, and Jenna Elfman as the chick they were both in love with. Edward Norton – what a spunk, man! So it passed the time nicely.

After that, we walked home and sat around for a while before Anji decided she was hungry, so we went out for my birthday dinner. We just went to the end of Napier Street, so a place called “Growlers” that she said was extremely casual. Our waiter had blonde dreads and a cigarette tucked behind his ear. He dropped a hunk of bread with a knife stuck in it onto our table, which was to be drizzled with olive oil and devoured. There was also a small bowl of olives which I steadily made my way through. Yum! I never used to like olives, until one time I had them on pizza with pineapple at Craccum whilst very very stoned, and that seemed to be a winning combination. And then of course there was the Martini phase where the olive was the best bit of the whole drink! But yeah, anyways. Anji had wild mushroom risotto, which I’d been considering, 0-until I saw Duckling on Black Rice. Oh my god it was so so good! It came with prossocuitio, and creamy lemon sauce as well, and I was just in absolute heaven. As we ate, we drank a very nice bottle of red wine, and talked. It’s astonishing the parallels she was able to draw from her relationship with Son of Satan.

Anyways, then Mike came to join us for dessert. I was completely full so I didn’t order anything, he just spoonfed me a bit of his sticky date pudding because he said it would change my life. Here’s hoping!

Later in the evening, we smoked pot and Anji got real stoned real fast, so she went up to bed. I stayed up later, reading magazines and watching the boys playing Ape Escape.

20/6/00

Anji had to go to work at 12, I think, so she got up before me. Once I finally got up, I just pottered around reading Lolita, writing my journal and that kind of thing. Eventually i had a shower and got dressed. Then Timmy and Mike were going into town and they invited me to go along too, so I did. We walked in, and they spent ages in a comic book shop. I read a comic of Brothers Grimm faerie tales that were pretty nasty. I could remember most of them from my childhood, though I can’t quite place them. Maybe I had some of the stories on tape, and others in a novel book, as opposed to something illustrated.

We went to Hungry Jacks, and I had a grilled chicken burger. It wasn’t as nice as I remembered them to be. Ahh well. Mike told me to take more drugs so that I’d like crowds better. he also said his ex girlfriend always dresses up as Roller Girl to go to the Box on Retro Night. They made fun of my pop obsessions. I didn’t really mind.

Then we went to Myers, and looked at male underwear for a bit. I never got to pose very much in underwear, unless you count slips. Which may or may not be a good thing. Then we went upstairs to spend ages looking at videos, cds, playstation games, television….. It was quite quite boring. But still, I guess it was good of them to get me out of the house! And then we went to another playstation store and stayed there for a million years. Damn I wanna cd burner and a digital caamera! I gotta get me a decent job! Then we took a very crowded tram back to Brunswik Street. I felt a leetle bit bad cos I probably looked scowly, cos I was a little bored, and a lot tired and shy. So we had a drink at Joe’s, and I waited for Anji while they went to Bar Open. Once Anji had her staff drink, we went and joined them, and drank a bottle of red to their white.

Then we debated for a while as to where to have dinner (for a change) and Anji said we should go to a pub near home called the Builders Arms, so we did. The food wasn’t all that – i had lamb fillets on greek salad – but we played pool while eating, which made it more fun. Mike made it his mission to teach me to play – he said he’d made his ex one of the best pool players in uckland. Everytime he leaned in to help me with a shot, I wanted to laugh at wha a cliche it seemed like, but unfortunatly, he was just trying to teach me pool, I think. Damn! Ahh well, I guess the lesbians are sleeping in his room anyways!

We got home in time for Buffy, of course. Before it was on, the boys were playingp psx, and Anji got all shitty with them because she was bored. But once miked rolled her a joint, she was better. I’ve realised the reason I don’t enjoy smoking pot that much here is because they put tobacco in it, so it’s just not nice. Apparently, that’s because the pot is grown hydroponically, so it’s heaps stronger so they have to thin it out, but blaargh why?

After Buffy, it was pretty much straight upstairs to sleep. But OH MY GOD Willow shacks up with a girl! “I’M NOT MARRYING SOME BLOODY LESBIAN”

We rang Neil to say Happy Birthday to him. I lied adn told him I’d gotten him something TREMENDOUS for his birthday. Well, Anji and I might get him a Grease Karaoke video! Mum told Anji she’d pay for shoes for me if I could find any. Well, I haven’t found any. I can’t relaly go for guys dress shoes, so I might have to go for some streetwear style. But I really don’t like Royal shaped ones, you know?

It’s cold, but not as cold as it has been, and I’m feeling quite snug. I have also just finished my last assignment – designing a business card, advertisement and another cd cover. My ad was for a rave called “Olympia” and it featured a 3D logo typa thing. I made up dj names for it, so there was DJ Twin, cos I was talking to Shirley on the phone, Fork, Spook, and then I started looking around my desk for Molko, Bik, and Korma. Oh and Colour By Numbers, which was an allusion to the number thing I was reading Shirley at the time as well.

Why is it that whenever I’m brokest I go shopping? Maree and I went to St. Lukes today (I rang her – she was like “I was just about to call you, only I thought ‘no, must not call joanna, must study, must not call joanna’ “) so that we could find birthday presents for Shirley, but instead I found myself buying a pressie for Kini, because when I saw it I knew she had to have it, and I love her lots and stuff. And Maree convinced me I needed more foundation, and I DID need saline solution, and a budget hoodie, so I was well served. Except of course, for not getting Shirley a pressie. I will have to look again tomorrow. Oh, we also cut Maree a key, so now Kimmy Gibbler can come over whenever she wants. And she can house-sit for us.

Our ad in the Herald rang today, but only one guy rang about the flat, and he seemed put off by the fact that there’d be four of us in the house. Go figure. He sounded boring anyway. We still have ads up at uni and AUT, and will have a couple in the trade and exchange coming out on Monday, but it just seems like a lost cause really. I’m stressed, yes, but Brad is calm, and it’s him that’s going to be left here alone whilst Clay and I trot off on our holidays. Although of course, Maree will be around. She’s driving me mad lately calling me “cutie cutie cutie”. Apparently she thinks the number of guys that I have slept with is extremely cute. I’m not sure I agree with her, but I guess the fact that I’ve uncontrollably started sucking my thumb doesn’t help much either. Brad keeps on laughing at me for that too. And if Clayton was ever home, he probably would as well. Man, I’ve become such a target for ridicule! It’s just not fair!!!!!

Three more sleeps to go! I am very very excited, as you can imagine I would be. Our house is such a pigstye right now – I dont’ know whether I should clean it before I go or not. Brad reckons this is our equilibrium, half way between the mess of Simon, and the clean of Thomas. Gosh, I quote an awful lot of other people, don’t I? Oh yeah, I wanted to quote this too:

From: “Peter Mahoney”
Date: June 14, 2000 7:37:20 AM EDT
To: Joanna McLeod

“Peter and Kate M were discussing my journal tonight at the bar, cos they’re both sometimes readers. ”

Sometimes readers? I’m so desparate for human connection these days that I actually got on the net tonight *just* to see if you’d added anything new to your journal.

Heh. It’s always nice when there are people sadder than me. I still haven’t fixed my desk chair. I’ve stolen a dining room chair instead. Oh, remind me to ring Dr. White tomorrow and reassure her that I’m still alive. And I must ring Penny and invite her for saturday, and do some more laundry, and write a packing list. My life is very exciting, as you can see. Yaaaaaaaaaaaay I turned in my report on my cd rom today. Brad had lent me his laptop last night so I could work on it in the lurve tent. Damn I wanna laptop now. I felt so New Media. If only it was an ibook. Right, I’m just rambling now. I should stop. Okay.

Oooh I got my first birthday card yesterday, from Karen – it was one of those square cards that I really dig, and it had a picture of a girl on it, and the words “Drama Queen”. Bitch!

Wednesday 17; February, 1999

This is the invitation I made for our flatwarming. Obviously, on the original, my address and phone number aren’t blanked out. The thing is this – if I wanted you to have them, you already would. So there. And yeah, it’s invites only, I do believe.

Obviously the invites are made to be cut up into little pieces. I only gave one sheet of them to Leyton – he said he’s not going to be inviting too many people. Gee, I wonder why? Drying dishes while he washed tonight, all he could talk about was that if you don’t rinse the soap off dishes, it’ll give you cancer. Jesus Wept, boy – talking to you will probably give me cancer first. Either that or I’ll die of fricking boredom.

My arms hurt a lot today. You see, I walked up to the vege shop up the road, then I carried home a big and very heavy box full of vegetables. And my arms also hurt from making Risotto, since it takes so much goddam stirring. Still, it was nice though, and healthy. Too bad if the boys are having problems with a lack of meat. Leyton ate like 2/3rd of the risotto – it was truely terrifying. Then he cooked himself a steak and it smelt awful and made me feel really really nauseous. I hid out in my bedroom cos they were watching the cricket, and got my parents to call me for a natter. I’m such a dutiful daughter. I probably should have called Karen instead, but hey – she can fucking call ME someday. I’m so not made of money.

That’s about all. I’m missing Andeee and Amy looooooots – there’s like never anyone online anymore that I really want to talk to. Oh, but Heather’s back, which is a definate YAY. And that’s all I have to report. I lay on my bed for like half an hour today, staring at my reflection in the mirror. I like my eyes a lot, I’ve decided.

Thursday 11; Febuary, 1999
Good Morning Annette!

I hope you weren’t woken up after only around 6 hours sleep by a mad woman pounding on your door. That’s what happened to me today. Well, it was Kate so I guess I shouldn’t say she’s mad, because I know she’ll read this and then beat me up. Hahahaha. So yeah. I let her in and went back to bed, but she didn’t want to sleep with me (that’s sleep, not anything else), she wanted me to go bed shopping with her.

I let her use my computer while I had a shower and got dressed, but I made sure that I shut down ICQ first so she couldn’t do naughty things with it. She wanted to go to this secondhand bed warehouse in Mount Roskill, cos she decided that the bed that I bought, which she was also going to buy, was too expensive. So yeah. I’m so smart, I figured out how to get there and everything. I guess Auckland’s not quite so bad once you get used to it.

We hopped onto plenty of beds in the warehousey place, but decided they were all too ugly – she wanted one with a headboard. Debating the various merits of a double vs a queen, I pointed out that if she was planning on having people stay over, a queen would be better. She said something like “No, I ask them to leave afterwards – and if they won’t, I go sleep elsewhere.” HAHAHA I so love her.

Then we went to a couple more shops down Dominion Road and stuff, and I guided her to Newmarket. We went to Burger King too, so I could get a greatly nutritious breakfast, and we discussed sleeping habits. I’m glad my mother doesn’t read my journal, so that she doesn’t know what shocking care I take of myself. Is that a proper sentence? I hope so. We looked in Freedom, and I drooled over stuff, imagining how cool it’d be to have a house with all new furnishings, but the beds were too expensive. So we went toa bed shop around the corner, where Kate found a cool slatbed with an iron frame (which isn’t as cool as mine) and got $100 off the price because she didn’t want the manchester and pillows and shit. She rocks. I could never bargain with people, man.

Then we went back to her place in Ponsonby, and I met her GORGEOUS kitten Tallulah (tori: “it must be worth losing if it is worth something” – only that song is spelt ‘Talula’) and one of her flatmates called Jared. And I got back my pants, which I’d left there last time I was drunk. I HAD A CHANGE OF CLOTHES, OKAY? Sheesh, I’m not that much of a drunken whore. Oh, and I solved the mystery of the mysterious mud on my shoe from the last time as well – there’s mud in her garage. Phew. It’s always a relief to know how I got dirty.

She drove me home, stopping in to say “hi” to Tamati who gestured and whispered because the big bosses were having a meeting, but he gave me a free piece of cake – pretending to take my money. After Kate had stolen some aper from me, I went online to create a new concept for my site – a Page Me page. This is where you can go to send messages straight to my cellphone. Please do enjoy it. Sure, I know I’m REALLY asking for it this time, but hey, it’ll be an adventure.

I took off my glasses to take a catnap on the bed in the lounge, but then i decided not to sleep and when I stood up I put my foot on them. They’re slipping off my nose now and are ever more crooked than they were before. I haven’t worn my contact lenses in like, a month. I should stop being so lazy and deal with them. Then I can see AND wear sunglasses. And read blackboard menus too. So that’s a trifle annoying, but hey!

In the evening, I watched “Dead Man Walking”. It was sad, and I cried some, but I cried for the victims, not for the prisoner on death row. I was maybe expecting my stance on the death penalty to change, but it hasn’t. I still believe that some murderers and rapists deserve to die. They have destroyed a life, and have therefore given up any rights that they have. It scares me that I can hate so strongly. I sort of wish I could be like Susan Sarandon’s character, able to love, and relinquish hatred for a greater good, but I can’t. And I guess it’s just being able to hate, not having to see two sides of a story or anything like that.

My evening was also peppered with drunken cellphone calls from Clare. She makes me laugh, man! Kini’s friend Anthony scanned in his chest for us, so that’s up on the Breast page. My sixth form diary is sitting open in front of me, so it’s kind of hard to stay focused on writing this entry. I’d much rather read my pathetic little ben-obsessive entries. Speaking of Ben, watch Annette’s page on Valentines Day. She’s launching a little collaborative project then. She’s getting her own domain soon, which’ll be cool cos I’d get to wear a tshirt advertising it. PLUS I’d also have like the most traffic on Vision then, if current stats continue. I’m so selfcentred. At least y’all know what to expect from me though, right?

I wish I knew what to expect from my life right now. Stuff’s kinda spooking me out a little. Don’t be concerned for my sake, it’s just bizzare. One day maybe you’ll read about it all. Just not today.

xoxoxox

Oh yeah and remember to fill in the form on yesterday’s entry if you want to be paged on your vodaphone!!!

Wednesday 3; Febuary, 1999
I set my alarm for 10am today. And I even woke up then too – to change the alarm to 11 and go back to sleep. It’s nice to be back with bFM again, after Channel Z in Wellington went to hell (or shore/westieville Auckland Channel Z anyways). The dj was Daniel, who’s in my tutorial at AIT. So that was nice, a familiar voice, and some good tunes. I’d actually woken up at 5.30am again, ankles covered in bites, which is never cool, but had gone back to sleep.

Once I did finally manage to drag myself out of bed, I got clean and all that good stuff and jumped on a bus into Newmarket. I had to recharge the Mercury card (god it’s annoying that the post shop up the road can’t do it) and also, I’d realised the night before that it was only a week until my mother’s birthday. AND I had to set up automatic rent payments, although all three boys seem to be paying me in cash, and not the right amounts at that. God that sounds dodgy. Oh well.

So yeah, I did all that fun stuff at the bank, then I bought Mum some perfume and face stuff from the body shop. I think the perfume was called “Leaping” or something, and it’s really nice, so you can buy me some if you like. Then I found her a photo frame which I can put the photo below in.

anji has very nice breasts

Me, Anji and Karen. Feel free to admire her breasts. I do.

Speaking of breasts, a stranger sent me hers! Yay! So they’re up on the breast page. That was really exciting. PLUS yesterday, I got the whole Frozen Lake mess sorted out, so I’ve been acknowledged as an inspiration for a very similar story published on Reckoning.net. So that’s choice too.

Back at home, um, I didn’t do much. Tried to nap a little, only they were mowing the lawns next door. My bed still wasn’t delivered, but in anticipation of it, I created an advertisment and application form for it. Thanks to Annette cos I stole her code. Go ahead, share my bed.

hahahahah that’s traj, but oh well. I cooked dinner again (fuck, I’m such a good bitch) and Clayton was happy. Possibly he’s getting tired of vegetarian fare, but all the meat we have is sausages and chicken legs, both of which don’t rate highly on my list of things that are cool. He washed the dishes, and did it really badly. I hate people that use luke warm water. When I do them, I only use the hot tap – except in this house because the hot water is too hot, and I don’t know where to adjust it at. Honestly, I have to turn the shower dial to half way between ‘warm’ and ‘cold’. Did that make any sense?

I didn’t have much of a point to the above paragraph. In the evening, I discovered a show called ‘McCallum” starring John Hannah, (4 Weddings and Funeral, Sliding Doors), which, considering my fetish for accents

Tuesday the 22nd of December

For some fucked up reason, I agreed to work for Leonie at 9 in the morning, which meant I had to be dragged out of bed at some heinous hour. I did more collation of survey responses with her, this time dealing with parental feedback on the exchange. It was actually quite entertaining, cos she told me about all the scandels and bitching that went on. One girl (a Marsden Bitch, natch) took thousands of dollars worth of gifts for her host family – including LIVE CRAYFISH. For gods sakes, don’t people know what RESTRAINT means? Or GOOD TASTE?

So yeah, I worked there until 1pm, when Momma finally arrived to pick me up. We went to Ragey Johnsonville Mall, and had lunch in the food court, before doing a little shopping. She didn’t know where Soundz was, so I was like “oooh obviously YOU didn’t spend your wagging time in here”. It’s sad that I do know my way around that mall – not that it’s very big or anything. We We went to the Warehouse, and spent ages in it. It’s such a useful shop! I bought Momma a teletubbies book. I couldn’t resist, because she hates them so much, since I made her watch it with me once. The book’s called “Tubby Custard” which is the catchphrase she screeches whenever I mention the Teletubbies. She scares me a bit. I also got Anji a Winnie the Pooh notice board, and some glow in the dark pens. And roll-on glitter (fuckng cool stuff) and a Little Miss Naughty address book. Not all of that was from the Warehouse though.

In the evening, Karen invited herself over for dinner, but we’d decided to go out, so we went to the Backbencher. It was really nice food, despite that it’s also a pub, so there were larrikans drinking there. I had a vension salad. The bluecheese wontons in it were pausewitheyesclosed delicious. Plus I got unintentionally groped by the cute waiter when he misjudged putting my plate down. But that was just around my stomach, not my breasts, luckily. Our table was really close to the bar, and at one stage, this ugly bastard turned around and set his empty beer glass right on our table. I smiled a big smile at him and was like “yeah choice” and gave him two thumbs up, “that’s okay, we really didn’t need our dining room table anyways,eh!”. He sheepishly picked up his glass and took it to the bar. Later I overheard him telling his drinking companions about it. Sure, it may seem petty, but really! It was OUR space.

Karen came back to Ngaio with us to bake muffins in our oven, and I sulked around because my page wasn’t working properly (that fucking photos link!) and cos I wanted to get back into town to go visit Anji. Eventually she was done. We had a spat in the car, because she was taking too long to finish her sentence, and I told her not to bother because I was sure that she had nothing important to say. Ouch. Yeah, I know that was too harsh. It sort of came out wrong. But to make it up to her, I invited her to hang with me and Jo on NYE. She’ll probably pike early on us – just so long as she has some fun, that’s cool.

After dropping her off, I went into Axolotl, and Anji was sooo sad, i felt really bad. I hung out there for a while, then took her home. Karen was still up, so she showed me her new room. I was very pissed off to learn that Annushka (best friend) had given her “the Magic Toyshop” by Angela Carter for Xmas when I’d specifically rung Annushka to ask her if Karen had it, since I’d just bought it for her. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. So now I need to get a new pressie for her.

Then I picked up a Woman’s Day, and went to sit and goss to Anji in her room while she painted glasses for her flatmates. I stayed there until like 1am, so I didn’t go online when I got home. Yes, shock horror! But I’d spent a lot of the afternoon revamping my webpage, and joining rings and stuff. Yay, emails and guestbook signings from strangers again. That’s always cool!