Hubris.co.nz

This is me resisting doing a booty call but I’m so real tempted, and if you’re reading this, you do know you’re fucking excellent in bed, right? Like, that thing you do with your fingers and my clit, OH MY GOD. But from now on, I’ll be PG. Oh, did I mention it’s been one of those nights? I’m sure you’ve realised it anyways.

Where was I? Oh yeah, answering phones for KateM for three and a half hours, playing on an internet that actually works, as opposed to this one at home. Although finally it seems to be working. Anyways, so yeah, day spent at KateM’s work, trying to be all cool and shit, adn then I had coffee with Thomas to say like an official goodbye. Like,you can go “what the fuck?” and all, but yeah, it was important to me. So I did that and stuff. And then I came home and Clay hugged me lots. Ohmy god, did I mention that he knew about my fuckbuddy all along? And there I was thinking i was so sly and discreet. But I’m sure I’m talking about something more important.

Like maybe Inco being parked in Mt. Eden at KateM’s house. Hi Scott! Hi KateM. Damn stalkers. Anyways, their party was lots of fun. I talked to lots of programmers and got all defensive and thought I was boring til they pointed out that they could have quite easily have walked away. Hamish and I had another staged political arguement, this time about the Treaty of Waitangi and I was arguing on the side of the Tangata Whenua, so that was fun. There would have been more dancing only ummm, I can’t remember what my excuse was. Oh yeah, I wanted hip hop only it was all house. I miss Ayna! I wanna be at her house listening to oh baby I like it raw and you can call me dirty and then lift up your skirt. I like the hip and the hop. And I punched Justin lots for something that’s not his fault but which I blame him entirely for. And I talked to Lovely Paul and all and eventually we ended up in taxi going to town, even after I knocked bottles off the porch onto the ground.

And I talked to Jody a lot whichwas ex OOOH NEW PLUTO VIDEO. Okay, so I’m back from that. I did Moscow Snow. Hey EM, I’d love to send you Pluto and other stuff, except of course that you haven’t writeen me in aaaaaaages. Meh. Oh wait, I was going to stop saying “meh”, because the boy used to have an ex with the same name as me who used to say “neh” all the time, but really, it’s not all about the boy. It’s about drinking too, I’m sure. And dancing at the oh my god, what the fuck is it called? The Grand Circle. Yeah. That aws cool. And then walking home all blah blah and saying “hi” too much and i’m sleepy and I gotta boot up wordpad to do my index since notepad won’t take it. Etc etc. Also, programmer Jason – KateM agreed with me that you had hairwhen I first met you. So there.

These are highlights from my journal that I kept in my red book in Australia. Obviously, it’s not everything. I was doing a whole bunch of thinking, and no one needs to read all of that. But these are the entertaining highlight parts.

Saturday 24th June, 2000 – On The Train from Melbourne to Sydney

I’m sick, kinda hungover. I threw up a few bitter mouthfuls this morning, which was nothing compared to last night. So I’m sipping water now and thinking I will drink less in the future.

I’m really happy with my hair, it looks choice. So yay for that. Boo for the fact that I can’ curl up and sleep and look out the window, but hey, these things happen. At least there’s a needle disposal unit in the bathroom! Handy huh?

Oh, oh, the coolest most exciting thing that has happened so far is that I found notes in the magazine in the seat pocket! Here, let me copy them out for you. They made me smile so much!

“Dear Gracey,
Hello!
umm….
do you love Sean? I hate him
Luv Capa”

“Dear Casey
um… abobt your qestun I Dident spell it rite but this is a big secret ok
I Do sotove love him”

How cute! Go Gracey & Sean! What’s the bet he’ll end up leaving her for Casey though! Ooh nasty bitter Joanna. Yes, damn right I am. But that aside, I was so stoked to find those notes. I always loved messages meant for others in text books. I remember Ammy and I (or was it Rosalie) wrote notes we left for others in our classics books for the next classes. It’s kind of like a cross between graffiti and a message in a bottle. Soon maybe, I’m going to write a note explaining who I am, and pt my address on it, and leave it in the magazine. Hopefully someone will find it, and be as excited as me and maybe even try to contact me. Tanya and Anji used to write to some guy in Palmerston North after they found a message in a bottle from him.

Monday 26th, June 2000

Kini has my photo by her bed. I can’t even start to describe how special this makes me feel. It’s just so lovely to know that someone cares about me like that. I can look around her room and in one corner are the tulip lights I gave her, and on her shelf is the Winnie the Pooh picture, and that’s just cool. She really cares about me. And that’s lovely. I am going to start showing my friends more how much I care about them, I think. I mean, for the past six months I have just focused all my attentions on one person, and that’s just wrong. From now on, I will think about more people!

I am also going to listen to more * (name deleted on account of how i’m not willing to share this). This cd is awesome. I love it. I feel so peaceful, being in someone else’s house, and therefore being surrounded by other people’s possessions and memories as opposed to mine. This relaxes me. This helps me think clearer about everything.

*****

I had really vivid dreams again last night, tucked up high in Kini’s bed with tshirt sheets. In the first, I was back at Garland Road, and we were interviewing prospective flatmates in Clayton’s room. Kate M was there, and maybe Maree as well – I’m not sure. But anyways, the guy was saying that maybe we were too weird for him, which is when I realised i hadn’t seen what colour Kate B had painted her room, so I went to look – it was yellowy marble, and there were these exposed beams (ie it was a totally new room, not the actual one), very farm house.

Another dream that i had put me talking to someone from ASIJ – I can’t remember who the fuck it was though. Anyways, I mentioned Emily Bond, and she didn’t know Emily had died, so we both ended up crying and crying, feeling such a huge sense of loss. It’s strange. I wasnt really that close to her, but in my dream, it was like she’d been my best friend. It was just so odd to be remembering her now too, for no apparent reason. Unless maybe somehow she’s been assigned to be my guardian angel. I’d like that – I did always want to be cool enough to be Emily’s friend. And I could use a guardian angel to make me a better person!

The other dream was that I was staying in a guest house at some big estate, and I was madly looking for some pads, but all I could find were used ones that had been left out in the rain – icky. It was pretty nasty, but since I was waking every two hours to go to the bathroom, pretty appropriate. Oh, exciting breakthrough of the day? Using my first tampon. (this is where you leave real fast if you’re squeamish). I’ve tried them in the past, but was never really able to do it properly. Now, however, I think I almost have it. Maybe it should be in a tiny bit deeper because I can still kind of feel it, but that’s also probably because I just feel so concious that it’s there, if you know what I mean. The first one I put in, both my hands ended up completely covered in blood – it was very dramatic! Second one, there was very little blood, so that’s okay. I was a bit scared the first one wouldn’t come out.

Ahh, vaginas eh? Funny wee things.

****

Today I got up just before 11, and ate cocoa puffs whilst online. Later I had English Muffins and tea. Even later, I rang up Kini and got her to tell me where the shops were. It was a gorgeous day for a walk! I wasn’t entirely sure where I was going, but I found it in the end – some budget supermarket. It was realyl hideously run down, but I got some pads and some pringles, and that was all I was after.

I woke up, and realised I was lying on like the extreme left of my bed, almost over the edge. Okay, I do often tend to favour the left side (that’s left when I’m in it), but never quite that close to the edge. It kinda freaked me out. I was like “okay, I’m wearing pajamas – that’s a good sign.” So then I thought a little more, and remembered that there were only reaaaaally skeggly people left in the house when i went to bed. That gave me the courage to stick out my arm, and cautiously check the other side of my bed for bodies. No one was there. Phew.

I mean, I hadn’t been THAT drunk, but I wasn’t thinking too straight. After all, it was morning. Like, really early morning. Must have been like 7.30am because Gail said she was going to be leaving then, and that noise probably would have woken me up.

Then I heard my cellie ring at 10.30am, so I had a babble to Clare for a while, trying to fill her in on all the gossip and stuff. So that was cool. It was weird though, cos Heidi sent me an SMS page, and that cut me off with Clare. Bizzare. Nevermind, she rang me back.

Our phone kept on ringing, but every time I refused to answer it, cos I knew it’d probably be for Clayton. And so it was only fair that he got out of bed to take care of it. It was fucking annoying though. I kept drifting in and out of dreams.

But anyways, yeah. The house is such a mess. Simon and I threw out all the empty cans and bottles, and took stock of what we’d been left with. I think the final tally was seven bottles of coke, about half of which were open, but not flat, a bottle of wine, and an can of beer. Score! And there were still like bags of chips and wedges and stuff, so that rocked. Barbeque chips for breakfast.

We hassled Clayton a bit (yeah, like he could get away without being mocked) but no one’s really done much in the way of cleaning. Si and I set up the wings on the dining table again, and brought out my computer. Such net withdrawl, man! I had lots of emails which was good.

Y’all are loving the “Joanna Is” form, aren’t you? Here’s a list of what I’ve recieved so far:

Joanna is:

• wonderful
• poculent
• never lost for words
• one of my favourite people in the whole entire universe
• too blunt
• slack with her journal entries
• mine
• yer a wee belter
• late posting to day

The “Joanna is Mine” one is a little bit disturbing. Sure, claim me if you like, but it’d kinda sorta help to know who you actually were, so I could know who I belonged to!

Thursday 25; February, 1999

Got out of bed to the phone ringing, pulling on my dressing gown and was kinda short to Clayton’s friend Antz, practically hanging up before I remembered it would be polite to say “do you want me to take a message?” But he didn’t. So I stripped my bed, and put my light washing in the machine, and then went back for a bit more of a lie-in. When I went to put my dark washing on, I realised that there had been a sponge in the tub, and I’d flooded the laundry. Aces.

Anyways, so finally I managed to leave the house, and I stopped in Newmarket to get out $800 at ANZ and carry it up to ASB to pay the rent. The guy at ASB was really nice and sympathetic, because of course I moaned out the whole story when he asked. Man, it was fun having that much cash in my hands, even temporarily. Then I went to some crap-ass cafe and had a coffee, just to perk up a trifle before my three hour tv workshop.

Because we’re Year 2 this year, we don’t use the m100 cameras anymore, we use some bigass flash pro 2000s or something like that, which are apparently worth $10,000 each. Scary shit man – that’s like waaaaaay too much responsibility to place in my hands! We had to divide up into groups to do stuff, and we had Dan in our group. Dan who’s 23 and has a background of making short films. He was being sooooooooo patronising about all the technical stuff, and I just couldn’t see anything because I wasn’t wearing my contacts (my bottle of cleaning fluid has vanished somewhere into my room), and I was bored. We spent like 45 minutes getting two shots. It’s funny how paranoid people are when they think they’re being filmed getting out money from an ATM. OH! And I have another mini story sort of on that note – this morning when I was in the bank, I sat down at one of the counters that had two chairs at it, next to a counter that had no chairs. This old woman comes up, goes “Excuse me” and took the other chair but moved it over to the other counter. So what am I – chopped liver?

Man it’s pouring hard. I’m glad Si and Leyton were kind enough to bring in my washing. I was kind to them and hung most of my underwear up in my room (there’s this really weird line of nails sticking out of one of the walls that worked a treat). I guess I’m just really paranoid about people handling my underthings. One thing that really bugged me last year was whenever I went to Hamilton, Andee would always paw through my bag or suitcase (depending on whether or not I was enroute to somewhere else or just down for the weekend) looking for cool clothes that she could wear.

Oh yeah but back to my day. So yeah, after the three hour workshop (which was actually two and a bit) I went up to Auckland Uni and wandered around the Quad there for ages, clambering up staircases all over the place, looking for the Craccum office. They hide themselves away pretty well, above the Koreans singing Boyzone in the clubspace. I like their office because its trajic state made me feel so much happier about the mess in my room. Anyways, I went to proofread for them, so I did. And ate their pizza, and rejected their offer of smokes. Like, I haven’t had pot in ages, and I would quite like to have some, just not right after eating. I’d rather just have my own stash so that I could get giggly when I felt like it, instead of getting drunk and moody. Anyways, Craccum was amusing, and I feel special cos I think my name gets published. As ‘Jo McLeod’ actually, which is kinda weird, cos I’ve stopped being Jo reccently because of the lovely Eaton lass. But that’s okay. People won’t know it’s me, so I’ll be like, incognito. No, honestly they don’t have someone from AIT helping out. It was funny how much Nexus, and Hammy in general got mocked.

Then once I’d proofread the whole thing, and fed it back to Matt while he made changes onto the puter, I figured my work there was done, so I walked up to the bus stop. Checking my cellphone, I saw I’d missed a message from Trudie, so I rang her back but she didn’t answer. However, while I was on the bus, Kate rang me, wanting me to go over, but instead she agreed to meet me back at my place. Mmmm. So yeah, I got home and then she came over. We sat in the lounge giggling for ages, squeezing the inflatable aliens for a bit. (Simon and I are starting a blow-up toy collection – all donations gratefully accepted). Kate just got hooked up to the net today, and she said she was surfing with her flatmate Matt, when he read the stuff I wrote about him (“kinda cute, but I’m SO over the stoner thing. Being a little more on-to-it is kind of a bonus”) and complained that he IS on to it. Hahahaha. Guess I won’t be going back to her flat then!

We realised that we were fully obsessed with the aliens, so we started playing that props game from “Whose Line is It Anyway?” with them. “Oh, an extra leg!” and “yes, it’s a real fur, darling”. I guess you kinda sorta had to be there. Actually, no, cos Clayton and Si and Leyton were all there, and were greatly bemused while Kate and I just about died in fits of giggles. I think the boys were more entertained when Kate and I started beating each other up with the Aliens. Man, we gave each other such a fucking huge walloping!!! She wacked me one right across my face, and it hurt like a motherfucker cos it crushed my glasses into my nose. Then we went into the kitchen and screamed at each other, to the great annoyance of the lads who were trying to sleep. Kate had the audacity to call me a slut, and Si joined in, calling me a Hoe. I was like “WELL AT LEAST I’M MAKING MONEY OFF OF IT!!!!!!!!”. That shut them up.

And that’s shut me up too now.

xoxoxoxo

Tuesday 23; February, 1999

>Sheesh, try to live without me, won’t you? Sorry, I’ve been kinda really busy lately and forced to share net-time. Saturday is when our network should come together. You have to give me some credit cos I’m back at tech and have a job as well now, okay? So yeah, I’ll try to lkeep updating. I was working on something else but then I decided I’m not ready for that yet (so no, I’m obviously NOT going to elaborate). So yeah. Here’s Eye Candy temporarily.

nothing is cooler than a road trip with one of your bestest friends in the whole world – unless it’s roadtrips with giant landmarks

Riiiiiiiide em Cowgirl!

Thursday 18; February, 1999

I almost got a venereal disease today. Trudie came over to print out her CV but when we went to open up the file, my cunning virus programmy thingie told me that her file was infected with SHOWOFF. So yeah, we had to clean that off, and she had to go home and retype all her stuff before bringing it back. Poor sweetie. All that before a job interview.

So okay, it’s not a venereal disease, but hey – it was still an adventure, right? And it was about the most exciting thing to happen to me all day, too. I took my CV in to the new motel around the corner – hey – they MIGHT need someone to do admin stuff – you never know! Or failing that I could clean. I also dropped into Sandeli to say Hi to Tamati, and give him his invite. He’ll forget about it, so I’ll ring him on the 6th. He didn’t show up to my Goodbye party when I left Welly last year, so I rang him up the next day and left a message going “HAVE A NICE LIFE!!!!” – hey – I’d had a reaaaaally bad night. Anyways, back in 1999.

Gail came by in the evening to pick up Clayton, and she made me laugh with her idea for a ‘follow the phonecord’ party game, which I guess you kinda had to be there for. The lurker’s been lurking all day long, man. Like I CARE about the old microwave in the hall, or the old boxes and shit. Jesus Wept. I wonder when I can get him to move out. God, I am SO the uber-bitch, aren’t I? Jo’s flatmate was throwing out food that had grown a personality from being in the fridge too long – I was wondering if Leyton would grow one if we locked him in the fridge too.

I went to bed before 1am, last night, but I didn’t manage to get to sleep until like 4am, and it’s even hotter today. Shite. However, I’m fully exhausted, so even though it’s before 12am now, I might go to bed.

xoxoxoxox

Goddam my journal is boring these days. I think I need people to spice up my life for me. Yup, it’s form time again:

Name:

Email:

What you could do to spice up my life:

And also couldya please please please sign my guestbook, especially if you’re like a bit of a fan but you’ve never let me know? Thanks, I appreciate it more than meat appreciates salt (LEARN YOUR FAERIE TALES IF YOU DON’T GET THAT!!!!).

Wednesday 10; Febuary, 1999
I couldn’t sleep last night, so i was up till like 4.30am reading “Naked Lunch”. Now, I could sit here and say that I love it, that I can fully understand why it’s considered to be such an important piece of literature, but that’d be lying. Sure, he’s got astonishing descriptions, but a whole ‘novel’s worth is too much. It’s all just short stories and they don’t start and they don’t end and it’s just really bad. Plus, it’s completely nasty, and really scary. So if you have a differing opinion on it, that’s fine. I’m still going to finish it, because I could never put down a book, no matter how bad it was.

I still woke up pretty early though – well, around 11am, because I had calls to make. It’s my mummy’s birthday today, so I wanted to say hi, but she was out so I left a croaky message on her answerphone that sounded like shit instead. I know it sounded bad because I checked her voicemail later. That’s Fun with Phones 101.

I also called Dee, who wasn’t there (which is NOT fun with phones). So I did other stuff instead, tidy and clean a little and stuff like that. I also washed my hair, but it turned out absolutely lousy. Like, I wash my hair every day (if I’m going to be seen in public anyways) because it tends to go quite greasy at the roots, while the ends are too dry. Anyways, it normally looks fine, good, great after I wash it, but today it was fucking shocking. Like, so greasy as if I hadn’t washed it in a week. Honestly, it was that tragic. Oh god, how vain do I sound? It was so icky and greasy. I’m just going to blame the humidity. The fact that there’s no healthy food in the house apart from plums has nothing to do with it, really.

I was going to go to the supermarket, and then i realised that HEY! Clayton’s going to be coming back tomorrow, so why should I spend MY money on food that he’ll eat? I already paid for all the electricity. That sounds petty, but it’s not really. I’ve just become accustomed to living alone.

Anyways, so I was just sitting around, when all of a sudden my cellphone bleeped at me. I picked it up, and was astonished to see a text message scrolling across my screen – something like “stalkstalkstalk hey Jo was just seeing if you were getting showered upon*shags* your #1 stalker”. That completely confused the fuck out of me. I really didn’t know who would have the know-how to send me messages like that. I knew Matt was supposed to be calling me maybe to see if I wanted to go into town, so I rang his cellphone, but when he didn’t answer, I figured it couldn’t have been him, so I rang my momma instead. (More Fun)

She was home this time, so we had a chat. She’d recieved and appreciated my pressie, especially Anji’s breasts (see earlier entry for details). So we nattered away for a while, running up my flat’s phonebill, but I guess I’ll be paying THAT as well as everything else too, goddam it. While I was sitting there catching up on Welly gossip (apparently, they think they can fix my desk chair – YAY says my back) my cellphone rang, so I answered it and it disconnected. Bizzare. However, the great thing about my beautiful Phillips Diga is Caller ID which means TREMENDOUS fun with phones. So once I got off the phone with Momma, I set out to discover who it was that was stalking me.

I rang back the number, and got the Auckland University Students Association Office answering machine. Well, I know I don’t know anyone there, unless I’ve all of a sudden been elected president of a school I don’t even go to, so I had to use my amazing powers of deduction, and figured out that atmos.net was having meetings there today. So I rang Matt back on his cellphone and yelled at him “ARE YOU STALKING ME?”. Hahahahahaha turns out he wasn’t. Still, it was fun to accuse. Roll on the next suspect.

Dee rang me, and came over a little while later. She loved my house, which made me feel warm fuzzies, cos I love it too. It’s so MINE, which is the best thing about it. Like, I can see myself living here for years (sure, and now I’ve said that I’ll probably be forced to move out or something). I guess that’s the good thing about being here alone all the time is that it really gives me a chance to bond with the house. I can’t believe I was so scared that I cried the first night I was here. I guess that’s mostly because there was no power that night, and I was expecting a thousand dodgy people to come a-thumping, when only one of them did really. But moving right along. So yeah, Dee and I gossiped, and caught up and choice stuff like that. She’s always really busy cos she works at Orbit, the resturant at the top of the Sky Tower, but I’ll see more of her once tech starts – especially since we live so close now.

Once she’d gone, I went online to geek a little bit. I was very keen to find out who my stalker was, so I was telling everyone #left right and centre about it. I was talking to Kini (who, incidently, wrote in her journal that she never used to like my journal but now she does, because apparently my writing style has changed – your thoughts on this please) and she was like “did you like my message?”. I thought she was referring to the 8 ICQ messages she’d sent me when I was but NO! Turns out SHE was behind my textmessage on my cellphone. I told Simon about it, and he was like “but doesn’t that cost heaps, to call from Australia?” I was like “well I guess she just thinks I’m worth it then!”. Of course, it turns out that it’s actually free and reaaaaaally easy to do. I’m not going to tell y’all here how, although I may well some other day, when I decide I want more random stalkers, but I posted it to the Vision list. Kini just knows her shit, bro!

I was watching “The Craft” tonight (God, why did I miss John Hannah for that piece of shit?) when I got another textmessage pagey thing. Awwww I so wish I COULD come to your flatwarming, Jo! It was so cool to hear from you!

Now I feel like the sister in ‘Leave Before You Go” doing her sneaky tshirt thing except she made her bit up, and I didn’t. Go read the book if you don’t understand. It’s by Emily Perkins and it rocks.

Um that’s about it, eh. I’m paging people like mad now. Gimme your cellphone numbers if you’re on Vodaphone:

Name:

Number:

And I’ve only just clicked to the “showers” bit now. hahahahahaha.

Sunday 7; Febuary, 1999
I watched “Bed of Roses” tonight and I’m quite disappointed. Jo wanted Christian Slater to die, so that there could have been more tragedy, but I think that’s taking it a bit too far. I just wanted a really good weepy movie, cos that’s so what I felt like, but no! It was a big let down.

That’s okay though, cos I talked to Jo on the phone for an hour so that made everything okay. Her and I are going to win Lotto so that A) she can fly up for my flatwarming, and B) so we can both go to Oregon. Heather said we could stay with her and sleep in her twin bed. That’ll be choice. I wanna go crazy and eat in American Diners and stock up on American products.

Speaking of beds, I’ve only had about 8 people filling in my form. That’s okay though, cos they’ve been pretty good offers. I think so far the best one I’ve had is from a guy who says he’s got a Scottish accent. Mmmmmmmmmmmm. Hahahaha the things people will say to get to pretend they get to get a girl into bed.

What I really really want right now is someone stalking me with flowers. I like yellow roses and wild flowers the best, if you’re after a hot tip. Come pleaaaaaase – Valentines Day is coming up soon and everything. I think I deserve real honest to goodness admirers.

But now I’m going to bed in my new big bed. Even though it’s rickety, it’s made up with brand new manchester, so I will feel like I’m sleeping in a hotel. Instead of an flatmateless house. I talked to my parents on the phone today, because it was a $2 day, and they were grateful for the call – as they should be. I’m still a little traumatised by my father’s jokes about nuts though when i asked him about tools.

And here’s a parting question – what sort of person would turn me down when I invited them over to help me tighten nuts?

Friday 29; January, 1999
I figured it was time I tried to make this page look a tiny bit more classy, so here we are. Typing inside a frame because it’s easier that way. Is that okay? Ooooh, I’m liking the slight change in colour-scheme. I hope you’re liking it too. After all, without you, I’m nothing.

The orange goes so well with the purple, and it’s my little tribute to Jo, too. I miss her stacks. The summer of 97/98 I spent mostly with Amy – when I wasn’t with Matt – but this summer I spent most of my time with Jo, so I’m just used to being able to drive over to Miramar, pick her up and go to the beach or town or whatever. Of course now though, I’m in Auckland, and she’s in Christchurch, hopefully doing okay. Xoxoxoxo to you when you read this, hon.

Gosh, I’m being so damn cliquey in this entry today, huh? I know through one of my many counters (yes, I’m obsessed) where people are finding this site from. Most of the people who read my journal have it bookmarked. Others come to Ego Much? from Holloway, Green Oatmeal and also another site where I have some writing posted. (Oh, is there a missing link there? What, AGAIN? Man, I must be forgetful). Talking about Green Oatmeal, I really do suggest that you go and look at it. I was so thrilled when I went back today and discovered that Beth has a JOURNAL up now. She’s so funny, I love her site to bits.

Oh yeah, and speaking of worship (yes, I know this entry is turning just completly self indulgent and internet-people obsessed) Holloway Matthew had some really really interesting things to say about reading other people’s pages which I’d quote, except it’s like too long, so go here and read it for yourself. He gets brownie points for listing me as a ‘really great person’. Wahoo.

I watched Havoc tonight, which probably explains why I’m being so stuck up and self-indulgent. It was their big-day-out special and all the Hole footage made me go “awwwwwwww” and want to be back there. It was a truely truely mind blowing experiance. I love Courtney Love, so I thought all her banter was great, but I guess I can see how people who didn’t like her would hate it. Maybe that’s what my page is like – to a great lesser extent. I mean, I know there are people who enjoy reading it, because they like me. I also know there are people who don’t enjoy reading it, because they don’t like me. Quick question then – WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HERE? Everyone can ask themselves that, not just the people who dislike me.

Other things that are noteworthy – ummm there’s more stuff on the Written page in case I didn’t already mention that. It’s all old stuff, but now it’s actually linked to. Also I updated my Leaving page, making it far more snobby, so that it’s all sites that I actually respect. No more links to ugly pages from people I know off IRC that really have very little to offer. Fuck I’m nasty these days. Oh well.

I had the worst night’s sleep ever – I had to get up at 5.30am cos I was too hot, and bitten and stuff, so I booted up my computer and talked to Heidi – that’s Simon’s girlfriend who’s back in Finland now. We’re starting a brothel together. She rocks so much – me and Jo taught her all our annoying little sayings (“you’re malcolm”, “on the piss”, “sucks to my asthma” etc) and she’s still using them, and is doing her best to spread them around. The landlord rang me out of bed at 9am, and came around half an hour later with the locksmith – so that’s definatly worth getting up for. Layton’s bed and desk got delivered, and he himself arrived. I talked to him for a while, then had to excuse myself at 11.30am to go back to bed, where I slept for four hours. I just didn’t know what to talk to him about. Clayton’s moving in on Sunday, so hopefully things will be easier after then. The problem is that I’ve sort of settled into a routine having lived here for a week either by myself, or just with Simon who has pretty much the same habits as me (wake after 12pm, bum around all day online, eat dinner as the first meal of the day, then eat toast at night until about 2am then go to bed). I know I’ll have to get out of that pattern once tech starts up again, but still…. I wonder what it’ll be like living with two people I hardly know that I’m expected to interact with.

Anyways, so that’s probably enough for tonight. Oh yeah, just a little request – PLEASE sign my guestbook if you’re new here, or sign it anyways. I’d love to know what sort of people are reading about me and stuff. Market research and all that.

I’m listening to the Tank Girl soundtrack right now. I miss L7. I miss Grrly 5th form, and Cyst – the zine I made with Penny and Sarah that consisted entirely of putting down Room 6 people.

Saturday 16; January, 1999

Shirley went home to Waihi today, leaving me homeless. Simon arranged to stay with Kim. Kim and I don’t get along. I was kinda worried. I hate being homeless. Simon dropped me off at Matt’s house on the shore, so I went into town with Jo and Matt to a Vision meeting.

Now that was weird. Everyone sat around talking about things that I really didn’t understand, like Flash and CSS and I just wondered why the fuck I’m in Vision. My website is shite, and done (quite happily) on Frontpad. I don’t know exactly how dedicated to the vision I am. So yeah, that was bizzare. But I met Matthew of Holloway fame, so that was choice. And Ryan was friendly.

Afterwards we got a ride back to the shore in Gareth’s pimp car. He’s the editor of Craccum, it turns out. Connections, connections, connections. So yeah, I know people who know people, man. Rock on!

Jo was lovely and took great sympathy for me in my plight, so she asked her mommy if I could stay the night with them, which I did. Yay. They were borrowing a friend’s house while they were overseas. Jo and I stayed in the room of a boy who goes to Westlake. We mocked his posters and cds lots. Just wait till you see the photo I took of Jo and the roof of his bedroom. I’m going to put it up and tell everyone it’s her bedroom and her Speed 2 poster. Oh – did that give it away?

I played foozeball with her very bubbly little brother and we watched some really bad movie on TV, then ran away when Striptease came on. I have some standards, after all.