Hubris.co.nz

1. The Queen Mother.

Really, this was actually just a teaspoon during High Tea at Martha’s Pantry for Kim’s birthday.

2. A bunch of dicks and tits

cookies

I made cookies for Maddest and Baddest.

3. A cake shaped like a donut

There was a Simpsons-themed pigout session at Lim’s (that’s Laura and Tim).

4. Pulled pork burger (not pictured)

I got a little bit over-excited by the pulled pork burger at Monterey and expressed my love on the table.

5. Mussels and other amazing Malaysian food

Because of my work for Malaysia Kitchen, I got to go to lunch with a munch of food bloggers and Chef Wan, who is apparently very famous, and is also very entertaining.

6. Fancypants canapes as part of a progressive dinner

To celebrate the return of Theresa, the Mount Victoria Society had a progressive dinner. There were whores devours at mine, a BBQ at Anna Jane’s, and then amazing dessert’s at Chiara’s. Good times and no taxis needed!

6. An assortment of amazing treats including Rhubarb Gimlets for GGG

Every couple of weeks, Kim, Kate, Laura, Willow and I get together to drink gin and watch Gossip Girl. Normally Blair and Chuck are the ones we like, but we’re okay with Blumphrey, actually.

7. Deep-fried Soft Shell Crab at Kura in Auckland

Work meetings in Auckland had the additional bonus of meaning I could have dinner with Heather&Ben, Peter and Russell. Needless to say, I gave them crabs. And they loved it.

Jason opens his Secret Santa present

December is the usual social whirl, and time of increased anxiety, both about everything in general, but also with rape apologists online. There have been people from out of town in town, which means more going out, as well as an assortment of other times that meant I had to go out and be witty and charming. Heather came to stay. The Wellingtonista Awards happened. Kat and Kane came to stay. There was a work Xmas party, and gossip that I deserved, and things that I didn’t. There was crying into Megan‘s bosom after the Lovehawks said something that I’d been unwilling to say until that point although I was thinking it but covering it up with jokes and statistics since that’s how I cope. Megan helped me to write an extremely difficult email, and then Thomas helped me with the reply to the reply to that, because even though I am a writer, occasionally words fail me. There was Lovehawk Xmas with Secret Santa presents (I got a brooch in the shape of a heart that says ‘Bite Me’ on it). Then there was real Xmas, in which Bad Tom and Karen came over here for an International Sandwich Degustation, and Anji and Bambi came later and spoiled us.

Kate opens her Secret Santa present

December is exhausting. For New Year’s, Rocket Queen is going to come and stay in Casa Sans Hosen to look after Seb, and I’m going to Waiterere with the Lovehawks and Stacey and Mike. I am excited about getting away from the internet for five days, but I am a little worried about living with six other people for that long, even if they are very much amongst my favourite people in the whole world. I’m sure it will be excellent though. I took Kim, Kate and Jason to the airport on Xmas Eve, in the biggest gale ever, and while that was only three days ago, I miss them all already. Luckily I get to go pick up Kim tomorrow anyway. Kelly is gone for three months now, and I hope everything is going smoothly for her from now on.

Kelly opens her Secret Santa Present

I’m sorry I don’t have more stories to tell you. I thought I did when I picked up my computer, but perhaps I am saving them all for when I do my annual year in review. I’ve been feeling like an idiot since Thursday night, because I was a cunt to someone after they’d been especially lovely to me and helped me sort out something kinda serious, so I’m all introspective and kinda self-loathing. That could also be because I’m pre-period, of course. Not to mention that I’ve been drinking far too much. And eating far too much cheese. Mmmm, cheese. In fact, there’s still some peppered havarti in the fridge, so perhaps that should make its way into my stomach soon. Especially since Australia is a pretty terrible movie, but I needed a break from The Walking Dead and Misfits.

B opens his Secret Santa present

I spent all of last week at home hiding out. There were occasional distractions – Amy came over on the Monday night for prettyprettypretty stuff, and I made Lisa dinner on Wednesday, but apart from that there were only a couple of conversations with Smoo and George. I kept my phone switched off during the day so work couldn’t call me, and on Friday I sent an email to my boss that said in part:

suppose I’ve been hoping a little bit that by going AWOL I would just get fired, and then I wouldn’t have to own up to all my failures. I haven’t been at work this week because the thought of coming in just absolutely petrifies me. I physically cannot get out of bed and leave the house because of my fear of all the work that I should have done by now that I haven’t, and the thought of having conversations about it, and why I haven’t done it, and how I am not meeting your expectations absolutely terrifies me. That’s why I’ve left my cellphone switched off, which is a total copout for someone who used to pride herself on her communication skills. I think I need to resign, I am not the person that you thought you hired, and I cannot do the work that I have been hired to do. I know that I’m in a down space right now that I will climb out of, but I just don’t see how I will get any better at doing what is expected of me at the *.

As the ever-perceptive Smoo said, perhaps it was a cry for help. She sent me back a really really nice, really really supportive email, which made me cry, which was kind of nice too, because I’ve felt more numb than I should be feeling, and have been questioning whether or not I should be on 40mg, or if it’s actually too strong. But anyways, I cried, I washed my face, I blowdried my hair, I fought off the metallic taste of rising panic, and I headed out to Deb and Mike‘s Emancipation Party.

First up though was dinner at Arashi with Robyn and Shirley and Tom, who bought along really really nice champagne to celebrate, even though I didn’t want to talk about resigning, or not resigning, or whatever it is that’s going to happen now, which will involve a lot of work and conversation and bravery and all that sort of stuff. So instead, here’s photos of them at dinner.

Then we headed up to Hawthorn early to secure the big corner table. I love Hawthorn so much. The bartenders are so charming, and make such good zombies. We laughed a tremendous amount at Shirley saying one was cute when he was standing right behind her. We’re grownups that way. I held court at the big table, drinking more zombies and more bottles of wine. Having not talked to anyone in so long, and after essentially sitting in my own filth all week (well, I showered, but then I put Pjs back on) it felt insanely great to be out of the house again. I could talk and bullshit all I wanted to.

And yes, I got rather drunk, and in fact told the third person ever that I loved them, ((EDIT: actually the fourth. If I was Good Tom, I’d be quite insulted at how often I got left out of the count, but then again he’s probably just relieved!) via text message that I don’t remember sending, and which also quite frankly isn’t true, or rather as I texted the next day, I love them, but I don’t love them. I’m just going to miss them a fuckload. I also invented a new insult in the Twitterverse - “Asscunt”. I hope it’s going to take off. Yes, I drank far more than is healthy, but oh holy crap did I need a huge blow-out and some rants and raves. I’m having trouble having responsibility for the most basic parts of my life (I need a wife) so it totally makes sense to go out and be totally irresponsible, right?

A story from the night that has nothing to do with me but which was incredibly hilarious unfolded in front of me and Robyn. We noticed this guy sitting at the end of the bar looking around a lot and staring at us, and we thought he was Sam Farrow so we yelled out his name but he didn’t look, so we decided that there was something else seedy going on with him. Later a guy in a white pinstriped shirt came in with a girl in red, and the girl in red started talking to Sam-Lite. Next time we looked up, Sam-Lite was gone, and Red Girl was talking to some other random. I was ordering more wine at that stage, and so I got to overheard Pinstripe at the other end of the bar sending down drinks to Red Girl and Random. Then later, Pinstripe found himself a new friend in the form of a girl in a floral dress, who was there with Leather Jacket. In fact, Floral found herself between the two of them, with hungry suburban manhands all over her.

You can’t see Pinstripe’s roaming hands in those photos, but believe me, they were there. Icck. Keep it in the Hutt, please. Small bars are not good places for discretion.

And yes, anyway. Have I mentioned how much TV I’ve been watching? Carnivale (love it so much, sad it’s all gone now), Green Wing, Strangers with Candy, This Life, and more, I’m sure. I’m pretty sure I can’t remember how to stand up anymore, but I will need to find out tomorrow when I go into work. Oh also I have to pash 20 people before next Tuesday when I turn 28. Volunteers please? And my birthday dinner is on Saturday and we’re going to Karaoke afterwards, you should come along if you like that sort of thing. And um, I think that’s it for the night. It’s too cold to have my arms out from under my duvet any longer.

Very quickly before Lisa gets here, I should tell you what I’ve been up to.

Firstly, you are invited to this:

I just spent $130 at Pak’n Slave on cocktail mixers and food for it, so you know it’s going to be good. Get in touch with me for the actual address cos it’s not here, obviously.

Secondly, Lisa is coming over now to start watching Twin Peaks as we have very sadly finished the second series of 90210 and pretty much soaked my couches in my urine at the special features. OMGSOGOOD.

Thirdly, I’m still looking for a job.

Fourthly I just got a $400 parking ticket outside my own home.

Fifthly I am so very tired. I haven’t done very much lately, except watch TV. That’s okay though I suppose. I did write a review of Medina on the Wellingtonista that you should check out. And I went to Crafting on the weekend and caught up with my homies Martha, Sue, Hadyn and Kimberley, all of whom I hope to see at my house on Saturday.

Sixthly now I have to go and take whores-de-vours out of the oven now in preperation for Saturday, so let’s leave it at that eh?

The reality episode on the interweb:
Woo, it’s vocal coaching time, which means that Lukas gets all shirty and pretends he is more authentic than everyone else. Dilana freaks out and sings higher than she’s used to. Patrice is awesome. Soul Boy Josh annoys me. Then they fight over song choice. Soul Boy is all “I must do ‘Come as you are’ to show that I’ve got edge” and then he sits on it, and that’s that. His unselfish attitude is apparently the reason that Patrice and Jill start bitching at each other over ‘Helter Skelter’, but actually we all know that the reason they’re fighting is because Jill is a Shakira hag and is way too old to win, wheras Patrice is awesome. Have I said that lately? Well the House Band say it too. Did you know that the bassist is Russian? I love the interweb. Lukas pretends to be more authentic than anyone else by saying it doesn’t matter what song he gets because he will still rock it. Then he bitches because he doesn’t know ‘let’s spend the night together’. The house band say he sings it awesomely until he gets them to put in loops and rearrange it like a Marilyn Manson band. Lukas says he is more authentic and a rockstar for making this decision. Hahaha Lukas, you’re trying too hard to be JD…

The Performance Show

Stop the press! Dave’s breaking up with Carmen! I wonder why? Could it be because he’s banging one or more of the rockers? I bet it is. And I bet he’s doing ummmm hmm Zayra? Surely that’s the only reason why she’s still in the competition?

Patrice fought Shakira for ‘Helter Skelter’, and I’m damn glad she did, because she rocks. Her hair is now black and platinum, which confirms what I’ve already said, and that’s that she is the new Suzi McNeil. I wonder if she’s going to start going out with Hank Azaria too now.

I want to punch Josh in the face for his booooooooooring version of ‘Come as you are’. Why the hell are they allowed to do this to so many Nirvana songs? Dave is miming sleep on his throne and it makes me laugh.

Storm is growing on me. I suspect that’s because she reminds of Mean Girls era Lindsay Lohan, and I’m not just saying that cos I’m perving on her boobies. I also really like ‘Just what I needed’.

Lukas’s ‘Let’s spend the night together’ doesn’t sound at all Marilyn Mansony, although admittedly I’m in the kitchen making toast for most of it, and our toaster is incredibly slow. His eyeshadow is still pretty.

Shakira is still hideous, and ‘Alright now’ is a terrible song. I don’t get what crack Supernova are smoking when they say they like it. There’s no way that they’d ever choose her, so why is she still here? She must suck a mean cock. I suppose being only three and a half feet tall must help with that.

When Ryan sings ‘Fortune’s Son’ I like him for the first time ever, but he still isn’t doing it as well as Brandon Calhoon did it last year. Perhaps I just really liked Brandon because he reminded me of James Robinson though. And then when Ryan actually smiles, he looks really hot, if your definitition of ‘hot’ is “looks like Warren from Buffy” which disturbingly, mine often is. Anji sends me a nasty text message which I won’t reprint here as to her opinion of his looks. That girl lived in Australia too long.

If only Phil would lose that fucking goatee, he’d probably be my favourite, purely because he looks like the type of boy that I normally go for, although his singlet should be tighter and he should swaying like he’s drunk if he’s not. But ‘White Rabbit’ sounds real good all hard like this, although apparently it takes a while to build up dancing-together chemistry because he and Jason keep bumping into each other.

I’ve always thought that ‘It’s my life’ by Bon Jovi sounded exactly like ‘Larger than life’ by the Backstreet Boys, and a quick search on Wikipedia confirms that they’re both written by Max Martin who, as we all know, is most famous for ‘Baby one more time’. That doesn’t explain why it’s SUCH A TERRIBLE SONG though. Sucks to be Dana. As she says in the results show, “how was I not rocking? I was pumping my arm in the air!”. Oh, is that what rocking is? Right, I get it now.

Anji loves of the Toby, because she says it’s nice to have someone who is drama-free, but oh man, he’s just ugly, and that Australian accent is so put on in order to differentiate himself, and also, Soul Asylum, ‘Runaway train’? You can mime “call me!” at me all you like, Toby, but I’m never going to like you. You’re showing the band your emotions are you? Riiiight. Anji’s like “I like him because he’s a surfer” to which I text back “Surfers are responsible for Jack Johnson”. Enough said.

Magni is well suited to ‘Plush’, but to me, there’s something a little lacking. Maybe it’s because it’s almost identical to the original, which is fucking great, but where’s the Icelandicness in this?

Oh yeah that’s right, Zayra stole it, doing her best Bjork impression on ‘Everybody hurts’, which is that song that all news media ever plays when they do a story about suicide. Not to be crass or anything, but Zayra’s wailings, coupled with that seethrough sparkly sweater dress kind of make me want to jump off an overpass. Why did the band say they like it?

Jenny doing Incubus is adequate, but yaaaaaaaaaaawn, as Supernova tell her. Go back to the super short skirt, lady. Don’t worry, Sheryl Crow called to tell you that soon you’ll be gone and you can go and find yourself a one-balled biker too.

I decided on the bus this morning that Dilana is a lesbian (because yes, you’re allowed to make snap judgements of people’s sexuality like that. Honest), which makes her perfect for the band, because she won’t sleep with Tommy and therefore there’ll be some sexual tension, not sexual boredom. Girls in corsets are awesome. The Cranberries are pretty naff, but she does well with ‘Zombie’. It’s so going to be her or Lukas or Magni that wins overall. I can’t see anyone else in the role.

The elimination
Ryan is spot on when he says that Dana belongs on a pop show, but I really like that Dana did an unknown song. It does well for her. Zayra’s all like “I so can’t believe I am here” and I want to punch her in the face just a bit more. Josh IS DOING NIRVANA AGAIN AND IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY THAT I NEED TO BUST OUT THE CAPITAL LETTERS. Courtney, I know that rehab is expensive, but really, did you have to sell them the entire catelogue? Also, Josh makes me laugh because he’s been all “I hear you” to the musicians, and I recently had an amusing conversation with an incredibly cheesy boy who told me that you should always use an action verb appropriate to what the person you’re talking to does in order to build up trust, so if you’re talking to a painter you’d be like “I see what you’re saying” or a massage therapist would be “I feel what you’re saying” and a singer would be “I hear what you’re saying”, and oh the cheese of it all. Jenny doing STP looks like Avril Lavinge, and she is not fit enough to run around and sing at the same time. Anji and I both agree that it’s going to be Jenny that goes, and of course we’re right. A girl is not going to win this competition, unless she’s Dilana. Sorry Patrice, but I figure you’re in this like Marty Casey anyway – you’ve got your own thing going on and you want the publicity. I dig that, bro.

These thoughts are going to be really scattered.

So, I compared Matt to Michael Murphy earlier, but I really think his Duran Duran song was fucking awesome. But not what they wanted to hear.

And I don’t want to write up every single performance, but can I just say that Jill Goia is hideous, and that white dress was terrible, but Courtney Love is not wearing a white wedding dress on the cover of Live Through This. In fact, she’s not even on the fucking front cover. Dumbass Dave Navarro.

I want to start wearing eyeshadow like Lukas, but I don’t want to be him. It must be so hard to be homeless – I mean, where could you store your hair products? But I really like his version of ‘Don’t panic’, because I secretly like Coldplay, except for Chris Martin, so it’s nice to hear it sung rougher, and not as whiney, and without Gwyneth imagery.

Why the fuck were those people singing Creed and Tonic? Those are IDOL songs. Bah. And hearing Tonic twice was just super cruel. I suppose I need to try and remember that they don’t get to pick them, but still. They could like, rebel, storm the castle or something. Why are you repeating on us, producers? I expect better from you, Mr Burnett.

I don’t like Phil as a singer, but he seems pretty smart when he talks. Meanwhile, I want to punch Zahyra in the head. I didn’t think Toby’s ‘Somebody told me’ was all that exciting. I delivered a much better performance of it on Saturday night. But I was dressed in a corset, so that probably helped. I’m glad that Chris got booted, just because of the clothes that he wore – first he dresses exactly like Anthony Keidis and then he does a total Brandon Flowers. If these aren’t his choices, he should still stand up and fight’em.

Now I am in love with the reality episodes on the official website, because the whole point is seeing them bitch about each other and stuff. Go the internet!

Does anyone actually still care about NZ Idol anymore? No? Good! Then I can talk about Rockstar instead, and try to recap weekly. You know though that I’ll be comparing the two shows once NZ Idol gets started though, so you might as well get on board now.

First off: I loved the whole idea of Rockstar because I didn’t like INXS so I didn’t care about Michael turning over in his grave and choking himself some more. The idea of finding a singer for a new super group is a better one, I think, although I’m still surprised that Scott Weiland is still alive and that this isn’t Rockstar: Velvet Revolver.

I also need to let you know that ever since I read The Dirt I have wanted to sleep with Tommy Lee. I know he’s probably riddled with a thousand diseases, but I’m going to go with the theory that he’s got so many of them that they’d all get caught in the doorway together and I wouldn’t catch anything, and that’d be great. Yes, I know this makes me sick and wrong and just full of self hatred, but I can’t help it. That’s why I was happy when he appeared looking so old and haggard, I was like “yay, I don’t actually want to sleep with him at all!” And then he proceeded to sit cross-legged and for some reason that really turned me on. Distuuuuuuuuurbing. Gilby Clark looks like he’s one of the three musketeers, but he’s surprisingly articulate. And Jason Mewsted, well, he’s from Metallica. And that whiney Emo-looking producer, well, bah to him I say. Also: It’s good to know that Brooke Burke is still totally and utterly fug. And Dave Navaro looks like a white Prince. He needs to stop tweezing his eyebrows. Now on to the performers:

Storm – ‘Pinball Wizard’by The Who: I’ve been listening to The Who a bit lately, on account of stealing my parents’ copy of Tommy and going “what the fuck? this doesn’t sound like the one in Almost Famous!” because they’ve got the big orchestral version, but Lisa put me right with her different copy. I feel it’s important to tell you this. But back to the recap. Her boobs look faaaaaaake, and while that might be fine for the Pussy Cat Dolls, it’s just not rock’n roll to me. And I don’t like the way she swallows the word ‘pinball’, because that’s the whole point of the song so she should emphasize it more. But it’s okay.

Ryan – ‘Iris’ by the Goo Goo Dolls: I know someone who tried out for Rockstar in Auckland, who will remain nameless because he swore me to secrecy over the fact that this was his audition song, but I laughed a lot then and I laughed a lot when this guy sang too. Not impressed with the song, not impressed with Ryan. But now I’ve pretty much forgotten him.

Toby – ‘Knocking on Heaven’s Door’: Toby is Australian, so cue many cringy “G’day mate” type comments from Tommy. Toby’s performance is accoustic, and it’s pretty good, although I’m not a fan of this song. Given the GNR cover, Toby must have some balls to play this in front of Gilby, as is noted. Oh, and I liked the cross-legged sitting thing too. What the hell is wrong with me? Maybe I spent too long in Japan.

Patrice – ‘Somebody to love’ by Jefferson Airplane: I dig on this song an awful lot, so despite Patrice’s tacky string top, this is possibly my favourite performance of the night.

Magni – ‘Satisfaction’ by the Rolling Stones’: When Magni introduces himself as one of the top 10 most recognisable singers in Iceland, I start on a path of “aren’t there only 100,000 people there anyway?” chain of thoughts in my head, and start wondering if he’s the lead singer in the Rasmus, and then I remember that they’re from Finland, and then I think that maybe he’s in HIM but they’re also from Finland, and then I think that maybe he’s from Sigur Ros and that thought makes me laugh and laugh, but not too much to notice that he’s got an awesome voice, but seriously dude, stop big-upping yourself cos you’re a fucking looooooooser. And also a tighter as well. Heh.

Zayra – ‘Bring me to life’ by Evanescense: I was making popcorn when she did her piece to camera, so did I miss something – is she like, from a wacky foreign language speaking country? And is Dave Navarro? Wacky. You know that I secretly love people on Idol singing Evanescense, but why for the love of god when you could do any song in the world cos you’re not appealling so much to the 8 year old audience would you pick this monstrostity? Especially when she can’t even hit the notes and sounds out of breath? And isn’t Jason already married when he asks her to marry him?

At this point I’d like to ask you how many of the girls Tommy’s already slept with.

Jenny – ‘How you remind me’ by the ugliest band in the world: Note to Jenny: it’s a good idea to wear a skirt that’s longer than your guitar, if you want to be taken seriously. Now I feel bad because I’m just criticising the girls’ wardrobes and not the boys’, and where has the girl power in me gone? After all, I hate this song so passionately that I should want to bludgeon every man in the world to death with his own foot just in case he turns out to be Chad Kruger. Stupid Canadians from Canadia.

Josh – ‘She Talks to Angels’ by the Black Crows: When Josh wears his cap he looks like JD and when he sings he sounds like Maroon 5. What a winning combination. I don’t think he really has any idea what soul is.

Matt – ‘Yellow’ by Coldplay: hey, who said Michael Murphy would never get anywhere in life? Look at him all up there on stage. Aww. Guys called Matt don’t live in the real world. I don’t anticipate this guy being around all that long. However, he’s one of few people to sing any kind of contemporary song, and that worked out pretty well for Marty Casey, as you may recall…

Dilana – ‘Lithium’ by Nirvana: I’m pretty much not that keen on anyone who starts out whining about their hardluck stories, and I texted Anji going “Didn’t Jordis fucking ROCK at this song? Why would she do it?” and I’m a little bit like “oh please, you’re so unnatural” as Dilana stands there looking all Intense And Brooding And Powerful ™. But then I realised that hey, she looks just like Angry Ginger Spice and I’m a little more liking of her.

Dana – ‘The Only One’ by Melissa Etheridge: And again with the doubling up of songs! I can’t remember the name of the Rockstar wannabe who sang this last year, except that she was blonde and wearing brown suede pants and she did it pretty well. Dana interviews about being a good sweet southern girl, and I bet that Tommy Lee’s already busting out his rophys.

Phil – ‘Cult of Personality’ by Living Colour: NO NO NO NO NO! Why the FUCK would he pick this song? Ty sang this, and when Ty was on, he was on. It was definitely a stand-out performance, so I can’t understand why Phil would think we’d forgotten that and wouldn’t compare. I mean, it’s not like Phil’s even trying to play the token black card by picking token black songs. Anji texts that he looks like Jarvis Cocker. This really is not good.

Jill – ‘Piece of my heart’ by Janis Joplin’: Jill is apparently 4’11, and she looks haaaaaaaaggard, like she’s 45 at least and totally muttony. Plus she’s the same height as Dave Navarro, right? She looks like Shakira, and shakes like Shakira, but she sings pretty well. I don’t think she’s a rockstar, but I bet she makes karaoke nights on Long Island more interesting.

chris – ‘Roxanne’ by the Police: Chris is wearing reaaaaally nice tight black pants, but the striped shirt and tie are a little too Anthony Kiedas for my liking. Plus he makes what’s actually an awesome song despite it being by Sting really incredibly bland. It’s like 48 May boiled down into a one-man flavourless jus. It’s nice to see someone being told that they sucked after all the heaping praises.

Lucas – ‘Rebel Yell’ by Billy Idol: Oh how I want to hate Lucas with his stupid white tuxedo jacket and make-up and his “I live on the streets, maaaaaan”, cos isn’t that what JD said, but then it’s so synthy, and you can’t even understand half of what he’s singing, but I don’t care, because it’s fun and it’s a performance and so it was a good note to end on.

Who’s going to go? Chris or Phil, I’d say. Fingers crossed. No one deserved my 99 cents on a text. There was no one that I instantly loved like Jordis. But then again, Marty made me cry twice last year and I didn’t like him at all at first, so we’ll see how it goes. Good times.

Now give me your thoughts and feelings, please…

<B>Friday</B>
<LI>Handing in my notice
<LI>Job interview at lunchtime. The one question that stumped me was “how would your colleagues describe you?” I confessed to having just resigned so they would probably use a few choice words about me, and then talked about last year’s colleagues instead. Then the interviewers all left me alone in their office with assorted laptops to go get lunch while I did a test. I wonder if part of the test was them spying through spyholes at me. I don’t mind if they did because they also bought me a smoothie. I would like that job please.
<LI>BBQ with Karen and Mummy and Brad, and much foodage. Later we tried to make s’mores although the biscuits were stale and it took a long time to get the fire going again. Have I mentioned how disturbing it is that my parents turn Mum’s 80kg gas bottles into flame throwers in order to start the BBQ in their outdoor potbellied pottery fireplace? No? Well it’s really disturbing. What was less disturbing, and in fact, great, was watching two hours of <I>The O.C</I> goodness (last week’s episode for Brad’s benefit first).

<B>Saturday</B>
<LI>Dinner with Mummy at Daawat in J’Ville. J’Ville has a bar now! What goes on?
<LI> 1000ml bottles of Banrock Station are back. Hurray!
<LI>Drinks at Jessie’s, followed by a party in Mt Vic, and then Indigo. I networked all comms like! I plotted all politically like on the deck of Indigo. Random girls made me try their random drinks! All very exciting stuff.

<B>Sunday</B>
<LI>’Home and Away’ Omnibus.
<LI> <I>The House of Flying Daggers</I>. Oooh pretty.

<B>Today</B>
<LI>Guess which magazine has pages laid out in COMIC SANS this week?
<LI>Tonight I am going to take Jessie to The Shins. I only know that one song, but hey, if y’all knew I had free tickets and didn’t go, you’d probably spit at me, right? Plus, hopefully I can get Jessie to <strike>put out</strike> buy me a beer in gratitude. Or something.

Very early this morning, stricken with a horrible stomachache and the associated foodpoisoninglike symptons, I discovered it is entirely possible to vomit into the bathtub whilst still remaining seated on the toilet. Mmmm, lovely.

This evening I watched the final of Roswell. I’m such a sucker for “final ever” episodes – I think I even watched the final of Home Improvement despite the fact that I had never ever seen it before. I used to watch Roswell back a million years ago, but that was mostly only because Thomas did and it was nice to watch it together. I’m sure it used to be much better, and that they all had better haircuts. Either that or I was younger and foolisher. Nevermind.

Because I have to present a half hour seminar on Wednesday, I spent this evening writing out linear notes to a compilation album entitled “To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before” which doesn’t exist, although its tracklisting does. The album spans from age thirteen to age twenty one. 4/14 songs are by the Smashing Pumpkins. 4/14 are sung by females, and they’re all in the second half. 5/14 songs are related to boys that I’ve actually scored. 1/14 songs got quoted in two seperate letters to two seperate boys – one an “I love you” email, the other “I think we should break up”. I currently have 7/14 songs on cd. Clayton has 2/14 songs on cd. I have 3/14 songs on mp3, and I will have to download the other two if I ever actually make this cd. I could have started it from when I was twelve, but that would have meant including Guns’n Roses. If I do make it, I’ll be photocopying the bizzare linear notes as well. They include quotes from Barbara Kruger paintings and many dialogue snippets and occasional references to stalkings. If I produce it, it’ll be strictly limited edition, with copies going to closet friends, people who I’ve received mixes from before and also possibly any of the boys it’s dedicated to (oh yeah, the ‘love’ bit is just a loose concept, not a “I love you totally and utterly” thing, obviously) that I’m still in contact with who can correctly identify themselves. Bopha has been my little helper in the compiling of it all, agreeing with me that maybe I should make a seperate trauma album (although one trauma song made it on here, because it was a love trauma after all) and placing strict limits on the numbers of songs I could have per boy. Bopha kicks ass, although her fetish for green rice tea is somewhat disturbing.

And I’ll write my seminar tomorrow, really!

Someone drew a picture of me receiving deep dictionary action for me tonight. You can view it here. It’s splitmango, so that’s why I’m linking to it rather than showing it – viewer discretion is advised and all. Golly I have some strange (and wonderful) friends.