Hubris.co.nz

Monday August 28th, 2000

Brad wrote on the whiteboard this morning “You did it all for the nookie!!! – did he sign a pre-nup first?” I voted against him for that, and then gave myself a vote too for good measure. There’s something very sordid about still being up drinking when flatmates get up to go to tech.

Around 8am, I got out of bed and went and jumped in bed with Kate, but she was just getting up so I couldn’t sleep there. Instead, I ate m&ms while she smoked her morning cigarette, and freaked her out because I’d had no sleep and was on an over-tired sugar rush, whereas she was very slow and fragile. She made me come to town with her in my pajamas, after I crept into my room for sunglasses and a bandana. I just sat in the car so she could doublepark to drop off her library books though, it wasn’t a major journey. Then we came home and she went back to bed – they were desk copy books so she had to have them back early. I was sugarhigh, so I washed the dishes and then flicked between infomercials and children’s television. It was kinda disturbing, because I found myself talking to the television more than I usually do – “yeah, it’s always a real pain for me having to push the bristle button on the vacuum cleaner” and of course agreeing with the monsters on Seaseme Street. I’m not a morning person. But it was fantastic to get to watch re-runs of Shortland Street.

Mmm, new placebo album.

Eventually I got bored with housework, so I went back to my room and turned my stereo on real loud and kicked someone out for not believing me when I said that I was going to marry Robbie Williams. Then I did some fun exciting tech work. I have to go in at 8am tomorrow, which will be so unfun. Kate’s got to do her seminar then as well so at least I won’t be alone. I think I will sleep very well tonight, guilt aside, although I did have a luscious nap this afternoon after eating Wendys. Mmmm hangover food.

Oh, it looks like Kara AND Kate M are both staying over tonight. Honestly, where have the collective morals of this flat gone? I mean, we endevour to eat more vegetables and spend quality time with each other, but I don’t think that’s enough, eh. Somehow I’m making the invites for Trudie’s 21st now as well. Well, not “somehow” – I know exactly how it happened – she asked and I said yes. I guess it’s all experience. I’m supposed to be doing a webpage for Momma, once she gets around to getting her content in order. I had this really horrible dream the other night that I had some kind of weird Cot Death kinda condition going on that meant I could die at any minute. Mum and Neil were going to take me to the hospital, but I stopped to shave my legs first. I was wearing my orange static tshirt and a green skirt, which just wasn’t a good look. But I was really glad that I had a chance to say goodbye to Neil before I went. I woke up before I got to the hospital, so I guess I’ll never know if I would have died or not. Hopefully not, cos dying in your dreams is some horrible shit right there.

You know, talking to Brad today, it occured to me that this isn’t my journal anymore. It’s ceased to be about me, and is now basically entirely about the Garland Gang as a whole. That’s okay though, I can just keep me inside my head instead. <!– and most of the time I seem so nasty that that’s probably the best place for me –> Hmmm, I just set my alarm for 6am, so that I can make it into town by 8am (I get out of bed and reset it for another half hour of sleep or so, and then maybe another half hour). That scares me muchly. I’m very not a morning person. Good England there, Joanna. When Kate and I were watching Rikki today (“My first interracial date”) I kept yelling at ads for using incomplete sentences. I think I’m wasted in my chosen field, eh. I should go work in some private British school, where I get to yell at children all day long and cane them for doing wrong. I should be somewhere very far away from all the crappy television I watch anyways. Although it was the wedding episode on Home and Away today, and didn’t Sally just look lovely? Lay one on me, Steveo!

I tripped over Kate’s real solid cloglike shoes before, and managed to knock them up so that they wacked me on that strange bone that sticks out of your ankle. Oww, oww oww oww! There’s a visable bruise from that now.

This page is supposed to look kinda like my sari, but it doesn’t really. I can’t do it justice. It is so so fucking cool. I love it big lots. Even if it is a pain to wear.

Oh, do you know what else I love? Peter! Or um, more specifically, the fact that he gave me the Macy Gray cd.

I got so many cool pressies today, I’m just so completely spoiled, and it’s great. I’ve had such a fully primo day. Yes indeedy. My feet ache like motherfuckers though from dancing.

Shirley’s party was soooo choice, apart from the facthtat I had to keep running off to the bathroom to retie my sari cos layers of it were drooping. Oh the things we do to look so damn good.

I made my speech, and everyone laughed at all the right times, and everyone said ti was really good, so that made me happy. I felt bad cos no one made a speech for Evelyn, but what could I do? I don’t really know her.

Shirley was looking very very good in a tight skirt and bodice. We were all stunned. Sacha had to ask which one was Shirley, because she looked more like Evelyn.

Oh oh, I talked to Bourke! I was so stoked, cos he completely remembered me, although it’s been like two years. We were talking for ages, just instantly clicking again. I could see Maree and Kate M in a corner, and I KNEW they were going “Jo’s SO in” and I just felt bad, because I wasn’t. Sigh. Why do boys have to like boys? Why can’t they just like, snog and stuff for show, but really prefer girls? I think that’s a brilliant idea. I laughed when I saw Shirley talking to Kate M and Maree explaining. But he gladhanded me later, and gave me the sauciest wink. Cock tease!

When I first met Bourke, I thought he was an absolute god – he’s Dutch for gods sakes! So I went to a party with him and Shirley once, and I told Shirley I wanted him, and she was like “go for it, go on! I’m sure he’d be keen”. And of course, he chose that night to come out to her! D’oh! And of course, what made it worse was that she still told him I wanted him, and he was like “I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry” and I was like “don’t apologise silly”. And then he was like teasing me going “can you convert me?” and he was all close and stuff, and of course, Shirley was like “OI!” Well, it made for an interesting story, anyways!

I’ve decided that Derek is the closest thing to Robbie Williams I will ever get. Sigh. He’s still very entertaining though, just too short.

What else? Dancing was lots and lots of fun, apart from the slipping sari. Andrew was talking to me, and he goes “your hair looks really cool” and I was like “are you mocking me?” cos Brad and Maree have been hassling me for ages going “your hair is choice” ala Ben, but no, apparently Andy was genuine, and I think I slightly offended him, poor lad. Trudie and Dee gave me a “grow your own crystal” set. I got all these sciency gifts, it’s odd. Cool though.

Maree and I got a taxi home together, and the driver was Indian. We were chatting, and he was like “that’s crazy, what you are wearing” so I was like “pardon? you mean my skirt?” and he was like “yeah, what do you call it?”. I said it was a sari, but I was wearing it like a skirt because I didn’t know the traditional way to wear it, and I just loved the colours. He agreed that they were spectacular, adn when I added that Maree had given it to me, he had to agree.

Fuck this cd rocks. I need new music, all my old stuff is too associated now. Actually, I’m doing pretty well with Travis, cos there’s only like one line in the whole album that makes me think of stuff (“all I wanted is a chance to say I would like to see you in the morning – rolling over just to have you there will make it easy for a little bit longer”), so that’s nifty AND they’re playing here in July, Wahoo!

So yeah, stuff si all good, apart from the fact that I’m up at 2.30am and I’m still not packed. Dammit, i suck. Must… go… to…bed…must…get…up…in…seven..hours

Oh yeah, clayton and brad gave me these:

My boys rock

Bye bye, see youse guys in like 2 weeks or somefink.

I presume that Vision is still down, but that’s okay, I can just save this journal entry on my hard-drive until I get the chance to upload it.

So it’s Friday. I had dreams about waking up this morning. Those are always the weirdest dreams, cos they seem so real. Then I have to focus in on the tiny details to work out if I was just dreaming or not. Stuff like my faerie tale book being in Wellington so there’s no way it could have been by my computer – things like that. Lines get blurred when I wake up, decide to do something (in this case, welcome Clayton back home) and then go back to sleep. I dreamt about hugging him, and then wasn’t sure when I actually got up if I should hug him again. But I did, and he was duely grateful. Now just as soon as Si gets back tomorrow, I’ll have my little family together again.

Last night it was raining and I was sad and stuff, so I couldn’t sleep. Instead I read about half of a book that Karen bought me for my birthday, called “The Ectasy Club” by Douglas Rushkoff (I think). It started off pretty cool, but then it started spiralling out of control. I finished it today, because it was raining and gloomy again, so perfect weather for climbing into bed and well… reading (since that was my only option). It got all cybercrazy and conspiracied up though, which sucked. But I guess it’d be too cliched to just write a book about drugs and sex. Dammit, there goes my autobiography idea. That was a joke, by the way.

Dawson’s Creek pissed me off lots tonight. I mean, I know it’s lame to start whinging about TV, but Jesus! It irked me so much that Jen was honest with Dawson and then he went and frreaked out on her. Grrr. Boys and experiance eh?

Tonight I went out with Shirley and Trudie to the Classic to watch Brad do Stand Up comedy. He’s actually pretty damn good at it. In fact, all four people that were on were very funny. So that was cool. Plus it was nice to see Kate M again, and even Nigel. And of course, it goes without saying that it was good to get out of the house. Before that, I had been considering going to read my old paper diaries from 6th and 7th form, back to the days when I thought I’d be in ‘love’ forever, with whatever the sundry boy at the time was, to reassure myself that I will move on. Eventually. But this is like more serious, and I still have feelings and wish I could be with him again though. Is it better in the long run to live in hope, or without it?

Thursday 25; February, 1999

Got out of bed to the phone ringing, pulling on my dressing gown and was kinda short to Clayton’s friend Antz, practically hanging up before I remembered it would be polite to say “do you want me to take a message?” But he didn’t. So I stripped my bed, and put my light washing in the machine, and then went back for a bit more of a lie-in. When I went to put my dark washing on, I realised that there had been a sponge in the tub, and I’d flooded the laundry. Aces.

Anyways, so finally I managed to leave the house, and I stopped in Newmarket to get out $800 at ANZ and carry it up to ASB to pay the rent. The guy at ASB was really nice and sympathetic, because of course I moaned out the whole story when he asked. Man, it was fun having that much cash in my hands, even temporarily. Then I went to some crap-ass cafe and had a coffee, just to perk up a trifle before my three hour tv workshop.

Because we’re Year 2 this year, we don’t use the m100 cameras anymore, we use some bigass flash pro 2000s or something like that, which are apparently worth $10,000 each. Scary shit man – that’s like waaaaaay too much responsibility to place in my hands! We had to divide up into groups to do stuff, and we had Dan in our group. Dan who’s 23 and has a background of making short films. He was being sooooooooo patronising about all the technical stuff, and I just couldn’t see anything because I wasn’t wearing my contacts (my bottle of cleaning fluid has vanished somewhere into my room), and I was bored. We spent like 45 minutes getting two shots. It’s funny how paranoid people are when they think they’re being filmed getting out money from an ATM. OH! And I have another mini story sort of on that note – this morning when I was in the bank, I sat down at one of the counters that had two chairs at it, next to a counter that had no chairs. This old woman comes up, goes “Excuse me” and took the other chair but moved it over to the other counter. So what am I – chopped liver?

Man it’s pouring hard. I’m glad Si and Leyton were kind enough to bring in my washing. I was kind to them and hung most of my underwear up in my room (there’s this really weird line of nails sticking out of one of the walls that worked a treat). I guess I’m just really paranoid about people handling my underthings. One thing that really bugged me last year was whenever I went to Hamilton, Andee would always paw through my bag or suitcase (depending on whether or not I was enroute to somewhere else or just down for the weekend) looking for cool clothes that she could wear.

Oh yeah but back to my day. So yeah, after the three hour workshop (which was actually two and a bit) I went up to Auckland Uni and wandered around the Quad there for ages, clambering up staircases all over the place, looking for the Craccum office. They hide themselves away pretty well, above the Koreans singing Boyzone in the clubspace. I like their office because its trajic state made me feel so much happier about the mess in my room. Anyways, I went to proofread for them, so I did. And ate their pizza, and rejected their offer of smokes. Like, I haven’t had pot in ages, and I would quite like to have some, just not right after eating. I’d rather just have my own stash so that I could get giggly when I felt like it, instead of getting drunk and moody. Anyways, Craccum was amusing, and I feel special cos I think my name gets published. As ‘Jo McLeod’ actually, which is kinda weird, cos I’ve stopped being Jo reccently because of the lovely Eaton lass. But that’s okay. People won’t know it’s me, so I’ll be like, incognito. No, honestly they don’t have someone from AIT helping out. It was funny how much Nexus, and Hammy in general got mocked.

Then once I’d proofread the whole thing, and fed it back to Matt while he made changes onto the puter, I figured my work there was done, so I walked up to the bus stop. Checking my cellphone, I saw I’d missed a message from Trudie, so I rang her back but she didn’t answer. However, while I was on the bus, Kate rang me, wanting me to go over, but instead she agreed to meet me back at my place. Mmmm. So yeah, I got home and then she came over. We sat in the lounge giggling for ages, squeezing the inflatable aliens for a bit. (Simon and I are starting a blow-up toy collection – all donations gratefully accepted). Kate just got hooked up to the net today, and she said she was surfing with her flatmate Matt, when he read the stuff I wrote about him (“kinda cute, but I’m SO over the stoner thing. Being a little more on-to-it is kind of a bonus”) and complained that he IS on to it. Hahahaha. Guess I won’t be going back to her flat then!

We realised that we were fully obsessed with the aliens, so we started playing that props game from “Whose Line is It Anyway?” with them. “Oh, an extra leg!” and “yes, it’s a real fur, darling”. I guess you kinda sorta had to be there. Actually, no, cos Clayton and Si and Leyton were all there, and were greatly bemused while Kate and I just about died in fits of giggles. I think the boys were more entertained when Kate and I started beating each other up with the Aliens. Man, we gave each other such a fucking huge walloping!!! She wacked me one right across my face, and it hurt like a motherfucker cos it crushed my glasses into my nose. Then we went into the kitchen and screamed at each other, to the great annoyance of the lads who were trying to sleep. Kate had the audacity to call me a slut, and Si joined in, calling me a Hoe. I was like “WELL AT LEAST I’M MAKING MONEY OFF OF IT!!!!!!!!”. That shut them up.

And that’s shut me up too now.

xoxoxoxo

Thursday 18; February, 1999

I almost got a venereal disease today. Trudie came over to print out her CV but when we went to open up the file, my cunning virus programmy thingie told me that her file was infected with SHOWOFF. So yeah, we had to clean that off, and she had to go home and retype all her stuff before bringing it back. Poor sweetie. All that before a job interview.

So okay, it’s not a venereal disease, but hey – it was still an adventure, right? And it was about the most exciting thing to happen to me all day, too. I took my CV in to the new motel around the corner – hey – they MIGHT need someone to do admin stuff – you never know! Or failing that I could clean. I also dropped into Sandeli to say Hi to Tamati, and give him his invite. He’ll forget about it, so I’ll ring him on the 6th. He didn’t show up to my Goodbye party when I left Welly last year, so I rang him up the next day and left a message going “HAVE A NICE LIFE!!!!” – hey – I’d had a reaaaaally bad night. Anyways, back in 1999.

Gail came by in the evening to pick up Clayton, and she made me laugh with her idea for a ‘follow the phonecord’ party game, which I guess you kinda had to be there for. The lurker’s been lurking all day long, man. Like I CARE about the old microwave in the hall, or the old boxes and shit. Jesus Wept. I wonder when I can get him to move out. God, I am SO the uber-bitch, aren’t I? Jo’s flatmate was throwing out food that had grown a personality from being in the fridge too long – I was wondering if Leyton would grow one if we locked him in the fridge too.

I went to bed before 1am, last night, but I didn’t manage to get to sleep until like 4am, and it’s even hotter today. Shite. However, I’m fully exhausted, so even though it’s before 12am now, I might go to bed.

xoxoxoxox

Goddam my journal is boring these days. I think I need people to spice up my life for me. Yup, it’s form time again:

Name:

Email:

What you could do to spice up my life:

And also couldya please please please sign my guestbook, especially if you’re like a bit of a fan but you’ve never let me know? Thanks, I appreciate it more than meat appreciates salt (LEARN YOUR FAERIE TALES IF YOU DON’T GET THAT!!!!).

Tuesday 16; February, 1999

Geri: “Boys, boys, boys – have you not heard of the word ‘compromisation’ ? ” (Spiceworld)

Okay, so that wasn’t actually said to me today, but I said it to Trudie for reasons that escape me. And I just love it. So yeah.

I got up at 7AM today – that’s like about three hours after I finally managed to sleep. Scary shit man – I so had to force myself to get up then cos I knew if I slept another 20 minutes I’d never get out. So yeah, I got my act together, to go into tech for Orientation. It was weird taking the bus in with Clayton – I guess I just need to get used to the fact that I have flatmates now with common interests, rather than the evil twins Kelli and Celeste.

It was choiiiiiice seeing everyone again, and seeing that Jodie was still alive after I lost her in the mosh during Hole at the BDO. Orientation was a fucking waste of time, man. We just got dealt some big speech about harrassment while we all sat and took the piss. Still, it was a good gossip oppotunity, which is always a bonus. Afterwards we went exploring the all brand spanking new B Block. It’s so COOL man – it smells so nice and new, and I picked up a free diary which smells nice and new too. Here, you can have a look at it. This is my timetable for the first haf of the year.

Cruisy huh? Just in case you wanna get really stalky on me, most of my lectures are held at the main campus, and most of the tutorials are in the State Insurance Building. The classes I’m doing are Radio Production, Mass Communication, TV Production and Public Relations Communication. Good shit huh? I certainly hope so anyways.

So yeah, once we’d finished marvelling at the campus, I did a little unsuccessful stalking via cellphone, and went off to run errands with various people. I got one of those funkyass bus passes, and then I went to collect my exams from last year. My god, I got 75% in my Mass Comm Exam! I rule sooo much given that I didn’t study at all for it. And I did okay in Politics too, given that I didn’t study for that either. We won’t even discuss Principles of Writing, except to say that whoever marked it commented “the unstructured nature of this is probably in part due to its subject matter” – ie – if you want better marks, don’t write about spooky acid trips.

Mmmmmm. Then I went to the Cut Above Hair Academy, and got my hair cut. I so loooooove it there. It’s only $10 and that includes a shampoo. Mmmmmmmmmm I’m in Heaven when people are playing with my hair – I love being pampered. So yeah. I heard my cellie ringing when I was having my hair washed, but obviously couldn’t get up to answer it. I’d also been getting annoymus pages – but only cos Clare was too stupid to remember to sign her name (I still love you though). Anyways, the haircut was lovely, and she spent like half an hour blowdrying it so it looked really styley. There’s nothing like a new haircut to make you feel vain.

Took the bus home then, and went to bed. I heard Clayton and Leyton come home at some stage, but didn’t especially feel like talking to them, so I went back to sleep. When I woke up, it was around 6pm and no one had started on dinner, and horror-of-horrors – Clayton was on my computer! I walked into the dining room and was like “YOU ARE SO FULLY BUSTED” – he even took me seriously for a moment too.

I decided I couldn’t be bothered with dinner, so eventually I ate toast. Leyton kept harping on at me about how we were going to pay for food and stuff, since he wants to do seperate things, but also communal – just to reaaaaaally complicate things! But I guess it’s good that he’s doing his own thing, because I was talking to Jeremy today who used to live in the same hostel and he goes “Leyton? He eats like a horse”. Ewww and then I overheard Leyton and Clayton talking, and L was saying how he used to be nicknamed the horse, and C was making rude jokes and I was like eww ewwwwww ewwww. I’m such a snob, I know. But honestly, if y’all met this guy………

I hid out in my room a lot of the evening, doing my time table. Oh, and one of the ex-tenant’s MOTHER came around to get the landlord’s number – I thought it’d be a bit cruel to tell her that her son had been growing dope in his room (I asked her which bedroom was his). She called the guy who had the room that I’d see kilos of dope in a Mongrel – or some word like that. Hahahah go Lady, go! She was really nice.

Monday 15; Febuary, 1999

Trudie: “Whenever I hear the word ‘stalker’ I think of you, Joanna”

Ten thirty am, the phone rings. I figure it’s either not for me, or it’s Shirley, so I drag my ass outta bed a little while later to check the message. I was right – it WAS Shirley. So I rang her back, and she told me that she and Trudie were meeting up with Dee in Mission Bay at 2pm, and did I want to come along? Of course I did! So she said that Trudie could pick me up on her way in – Trudie’s flatting with Shirley now, you see. So yeah. Since I was already up at that god awful hour, I figured I may as well be domesticated, so I did the dishes, and hung out the (still icky) curtains on the line. Man, it was so foul – something in them turned the water & bleach all yellow, so it looked like they were soaking in piss. How’s that for a nice visual?

So yeah, after doing all that, I went back to bed. But I couldn’t get back to sleep because it was so light outside, and there’s construction happening just up the road. I just laid down for a while instead. Last night, I couldn’t sleep either so I lay in bed and listened to the whole of Little Earthquakes. I wish that I could turn my brain off at night, so that I don’t have a billion and one thoughts racing through my head at all times. I wish I could various stuff in my life straighted out, cos it’s all so weird right now. I wish – well – I wish a lot.

Eventually, after I’d showered and asked Clayton how his night had been (including a “spare me details please”) I heard my cellphone ringing. It was Trudie, asking me where I live – cos she didn’t know, and Shirley hadn’t considered that. So yeah, cellphones are good because Trudie didn’t have my real number, and I think Clayton was on the phone anyways. So yeah, she came over, and just before she got here, Shirley rang to ask us to go BACK to their place to pick her up, but apparently, it was on the way anyways. Off we puttered in Buttercup, Trudie’s bright yellow old Honda Civic. I say putter, because she drove UNDER the speed limit the whole way, which is a concept that’s kind of new to me, given the kind of riffraff I generally hang out with.

Anyways, we met up with Dee eventually, and settled down in a cafe I remember from a year ago while frantically flathunting. Dee, being 20, popped around the corner to the bottle store, and so we had byo bubbly (apparently she got stuff that was like $20 a bottle too) and plates of food to share. And of course, a great big huge long gossip session. Maaaan we all can talk. I was kinda nasty as usual, but they all know I don’t mean it. They talked about CRICKET though, for fucks sake! So yeah. Then we went and got icecream. Then Shirley and Dee got Burger King. Mmmmmm and yet they’re still the tiniest people in the world. I feel like such a freak walking out with them, cos I’m about a foot taller – and that’s hardly an exageration.

So yeah anyways, we swung past Shirley’s so that I could liberate their fudge cake (they’d had too much of it) so in return I gave them half the huge bag of plums that Clayton’s granny had given us. We weren’t going to be able to eat them before they rotted. So yeah.

Make-Out Monday, veging in front of the TV. Clayton cooked dinner, for Layton the Lurker as well who’d shown up. Maybe I shouldn’t be so harsh, because he did give me a mouse pad – one that even has wrist support too – Yay. But still, he’s just – I dunno……. weird. I can’t wait till Sisi gets back so there’s someone that I can be completely relaxed around about.

I have to go into town for Orientation tommorrow, and maybe do a little bit of stalking. We’ll see. Arrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggg I’ve got such a sugar rush right now, and I’m just going really mental and there’s like, no one online right now to talk to except for Heidi, and much as I love her, she’s not as good to gossip to as Andee. I misssssssssss Andee. Sure, she’s supposed to come and stay this weekend, but I need her NOW, dammit!