Hubris.co.nz

Thursday the 24nd of December – Xmas Eve

If you have had reason to be in my address book, you probably recieved the above graphic already. If you didn’t, help yourself. Or if you just wanna PRETEND like I sent you an xmas card, go for your life, you tragic little puppy.

I’ve got three new people on my ICQ list now, and they’re all fanttttastic. Annette, Brooke and Heather. Go and visit their pages, and read their journals obsessivly like me. Except not Brooke’s, cos I don’t know whereabouts it is. But hey! She did the design for my “Frozen Lake” story so I love her anyways. (Instant friends with Vision!).

Today I woke up early (by my standards – ie before 11) and vaccumed, because Mommy had asked me to, and I’m a good little girl like that. What I didn’t vaccum, though I should have, was the floor under this desk, where Pixxie must have been playing with a bird, unless I’m malting feathers unawares.

I also made dessert – chocolate cake with lemon mousse inside it. I made a stencil and put pretty icing sugar stars on the top, and lemon zest. Someone should so marry me, man. Wow, that was a cool sentence. Double Alliteration. Mrs Turner would be so proud. Actually, all my English teachers, with the exception of Mr Mitchell and Mr Vigeland were proud of me. Mr Vigeland hated me because Beth and I always laughed whenever he walked past because he wore tight jeans and thought he was sexy. And Mr Mitchell knew I was smart but he also knew I thought he was a slack bastard, and that was the reason I did no work in his class (I still got an A for bursary though – but I guess I could have got scholarship if I’d ‘applied myself’ and hadn’t been on IRC all year). Annnnnnyways.

Granny came for dinner. I hid in here. Mummy was good to me, and gave brought me in a glass of bubbly. She understands how I feel, and so I didn’t have to resurface until dinner. Then straight after dessert, Karen rang, so I left to answer and never came back. I’m sure it’d be good to spend some time with her because, realistically, she’s not going to be around much longer. But I just have nothing to say to her, and I hate the way her false teeth move around in her mouth. So yeah.

The amusing part of the evening though was when I said something about Mum’s driving, and Leonie was sitting in the corner pissing herself, because she’d admitted to me that Mum’s driving terrifies her as well, only of course I couldn’t let on to that. So I sat there winking at her instead. It’s funny how I can get on with my aunts nowadays – like, as an adult. I HATED Leonie when she stayed with us for a couple of weeks back in Japan. My My, what a problem child I was (according to Mum anyways).

Amy stood me up for Midnight Mass. This makes her Brian. Happy Xmas and all that, people. Me, I’m going to be buried in stacks of pressies tomorrow. Or today even, given that it’s one am.

Wednesday the 16th of December

I slept in until 3pm today. What does that say about me? That’s cool, cos I loved it. The trouble is, that since my room’s at the front of the house, so in the mornings it heats up a lot. I wake up in the heat to open my windows, stretch out and go back to sleep, with my arms still above my head, in a stretch position. So when I wake up three hours later, they’re all numb from lack of blood. It’s probably not the best way to start the day, eh? Still, it’s better than the other morning, when I thought I could open the door for Pixie and still stay in bed. One arm managed to reach out and lean on the wall, but when the other arm reached out for the door handle, everything went horribly wrong, and I ended up falling head over heels onto the cork tile floor, taking all the covers with me. More than a little dazed, someone I reached up and opened the door. Pixie got one hell of a fright when she came in to be nose to nose with me, I tell you. But probably not as much of a fright as I got, falling smack on my ass.

But yeah anyways, like I said that was another day, and I do believe we were talking about today. The good thing about waking up that late is that the sun is at the back of the house, where one of the bathroom windows is. Since the window’s at head height in the shower, the afternoon sunshine comes in to turn the water into liquid diamonds and rainbows, and it’s just the coolest thing in the world to wash in. It’s like being a faerie, rather than just a lazy bitch in the shower.

After that, we headed down the hill to buy our Xmas tree – YAY! I love the whole tree aspect of xmas. In fact, I love almost everything about Xmas. The more commercial, the better, I say. Some people are all like “but we’re forgetting the whole religious aspect of it” – well, GOOD! What it comes down to is that Yuletide was celebrated a long time before all the Christian stuff came into it, as a way to brighten up an otherwise bleak winter. In my opinion, anything’s a good enough reason to over-indulge and get lots of pressies. In Japan, there’s a day called White Day on March the 14th that was INVENTED by a chocolate company. It’s kind of like Valentines Day, only women are expected to give stuff to men on it. Go Go Commercialism, I say. Personally, I’m hoping that sometime in the near future, there’ll be an International Joanna Day. That’d rock.

So yeah, the tree got trimmed in the evening, and all that fun stuff, cos Karen came over. There was a Father Ted Xmas special (which was a repeat) that was bloody hilarious. Karen and I pissed ourselves at a joke shown in the ad for it, then laughed even harder when it came up in the program, which is kind of unusual. She wouldn’t let me put the plastic baubles on the tree, which I guess is fair enough, because we have so many pretty glass ornaments – bubbles in all different shades. The tree is probably one of the most classically shaped trees we’ve ever had, since we left Germany. It’s pointy and full and superb. It was $25, which is a little more expensive than trees normally are, but it was worth it. Once in Japan, me and Mum paid $200 for a tree. I’m not allowed to tell anyone that, so we’ll keep it as our little secret, okay?

My grudge page seems to be doing pretty well for itself. Matter (his name is Matt, but since he’s not THE matt, I don’t want anyone getting confused) from Vision said he’d do a cgi-script or something for me, so that I don’t have to have it in the ugly dreambook, I think he’s just doing it to make me feel inadequate. Yes, I don’t know hardly any HTML at all, and yes, I do most of my pages in Frontpad (this one’s being done on Dreamweaver, but it’s my first) but I don’t make my life out of designing webpages, okay? I do put my life into pages, but the pages aren’t my life. Does that make sense? I dunno, maybe I’m just being too ungrateful. I mean, I do appreciate him putting his time and effort into it and all, so mmmmmm. Yeah. Get in contact with me. I like feedback, and you have so many opportunities to do it.

Saturday the 12th of December

A funny thing happened last night. I was talking on ICQ chat to this guy, and my friend Brad from tech was at his house. Ho ho ho. No wait, that’s not the whole story! Come back!

So yeah. Anyways, Brad wanted a demonstration of what cyber was, and so I gave them a few lines – hey, i don’t do it, but I’ve got a great imagination! Kamahl was like “more importantly, is this how YOU like it?” so I was like “I should have sent you my erotic story after all, shouldn’t I?” and against my better judgements, they talked me into it. Hell, the story used to be on my old homepage anyways. So they sat there reading through it, while I was pissing myself, cos I knew what it’s about. I think it musta shocked the shit out of them. It’s a bit naughty – I’ve had so much fun with that story and morons off IRC – it’s my porn content. Anyways, they came back and were like “what on earth possessed you to write that?” I was like “autobiography”. HAHAHAHAHa. I think that’s like a thousand times more information about me than they’ll ever want to know. If you’re going to go and read that story, which no doubt you are now, be warned. Content may inspire nasty visuals.

I slept in until 2pm today, having very disturbing dreams. At one stage, my dad, Karen and I were building an nuclear bomb shelter in my room downstairs, not expecting to live past 9pm. That was kinda sad, and the dream was really scary, especially with like gail force winds screaming around my house at the time. I also dreamt I borrowed this amazing dress off Andee, made entirely out of Yellow daisies. It was fantastic. Then I was like Buffy or something, trying to solve this mystery, and this giant catipillar ate my friend, but it spat him out, because he was too fluffy. My friend was a smaller catipillar, that looked like a purple magic duster. By that stage, I was a catipillar too. I always get really weird dreams, for about a week, right before I get my period – if I can claim to be that regular. Which I can’t. Anyways, my point is that my journals over the next couple of days will probably be filled with dreams, so bear with me.

What else? Ummmm, I think I’m getting more involved with Vision, which is cool. I am so in awe at some of the people in it. I can’t quite understand why the fuck I got in, because I know sweetfuckall about html and all that funky shit. Ah well. Maybe I got in under a quota of ignorant people or something. It’s fun cos it means more people to talk to on ICQ, now that IRC is empty and boring. So yeah, rock on.

Tonight I went to see “Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels” at the Paramount with Anji. Loved it, love the theatre, love her. It was so funny. I just hate the way it’s been billed as “Tarantino meets Trainspotting”, even if that’s an accurate description. Can’t people come up with anything new these days? The main guy in it was really studdly too. Mmmmmm. And all of them had accents. Terriffic shit. After we went and sat in Axolotl, with a whole bunch of offduty staff. It’s everyone’s second home. Tommorrow is the staff Xmas party, and they’re having it on a yacht. Rock on!

I’m going to go now, cos tommorrow I’m Xmas shopping with Momma. Don’t forget to send me my pressies – if you don’t have my address, send them to: Joanna McLeod c/o The Bakehouse Gallery, Swan Lane, Wellington. Ta muchly!

xoxox

Saturday the 12th of December

Saturday. This makes two weekend nights I’ve been home in a row. No wonder I’m depressed. EVERYONE is either busy tonight, or too tired to go out. Jen Troup told me to come to this d&b rave at the James Smith, but I don’t wanna go if I can’t go with anyone. Sigh. And there are like a thousand movies I wanna see and all, but yet I’m just sitting here at my computer. I’m really trying to finish off my Gathering story, but it’s hard. It was nearly a year ago after all, and it was just so… I dunno. Very intense.

I was in Tandys today, and I saw the Gathering cd and I just about cried. I so so so want to go this year, but I can’t afford to, and none of my friends or sisters are going. Besides, I figure it’s time I moved on. I mean, I’ve been to the Gathering two years in a row, and while both times were very different, they were still the same location. I should get some more experiences. In 95/96, I went to the party where I met Ben. That was just a regular couple of parties, and that turned out great, so I don’t NEED to be up on a hill to have a good time, do I? Besides, if I go to the Gathering this year, I’ll just spend the whole time thinking about Matt, which I don’t need to be doing. It’s funny cos I went to Nelson in 96/97 so that I wouldn’t be thinking about Ben, which is when I wound up going to the inagural Gathering. The next year I went back with my sisters and to meet Matt. And now I think that it’d be a good idea for me not to go, so that I can move on with my life. Jo said that I could hang with her, which’ll be choice, if I can just relax and actually get comfortable with strangers.

Today was her picnic in Civic Square, which was cool. She has so many friends man! Just like a butterfly flitting from flower to flower is Our Jo. I just felt a wee bit out of place, because I didn’t know anyone, and I was really tired and not at all chatty. But it was cool anyways, I still had fun. It’s just funny how seamlessly she blended in with MY friends. I guess some people are just more outgoing than others. I’m just not so comfortable in large groups. Or in any enviroment that’s not my own. For example, on chat, I’ll be like the queen bitch, and totally dominate, but pretty much only in #left or possibly #mirc – rooms that I’m used to. That’s okay though, cos I know I’m so much more outgoing than I used to be. I wish that ASIJ held a reunion in Wellington, or my Onslow friends came to Auckland. I’ve got this real need for revenge, or to like, prove that I’m better now. It’s kind of sick I guess. If I still have that need, maybe I’m not better. Fucking hell! I’m thinking too much. This is the problem with staying at home and being bored. I watched ‘To Die For’ with my parents, but that only took up like two hours. Now I’m talking to some guy called Mark from the Vision project, and I’ve sent him some of my short stories that are going to be used in collabarative efforts. The only problem is that ‘Frozen’, one of my favourites, and the one he wants to use, is the story that Justine stole, and had published on reckoning.net. Bitch. I mean, it’s weird cos I don’t know her at all except from hearing a few things about her from Simon, and from her webpage, but I feel like we could maybe have been friends if we’d met a different way. That doesn’t excuse her stealing my whole story concept and claiming as her own, without giving me an inspiration credit or anything. I hate being petty, but it really does bug me that she did that.

While I have all this time, I’ll tell you a wee little story that i was just thinking of while working in the Bakehouse yesterday. No, actually I won’t. This entry is long enough already, and not everything needs to come out on here.

Where’s that watch taking you? Kate rang me awake from dreams of Banana Barons with hairy necks, to ask when we were going to the As Seen on TV shop. She told me it was 10.30am and said she’d pick me up in an hour, so I rang Amy to arrange a rendevouz. Amy told me it was 11.30, and I believed her, so I rang up Kate and pointed out the error of her ways. Together we discovered that her watch also believed it was the 3rd of January, 1995. Never trust a casio baby g, even if you wanna be trendy. So once we’d established the actual time, and stuff, I arranged to meet up with A&A in front of the shop at quarter to two.

Kate and I went to Queensgate before hand, trying not to act too cool to be in Lower Hutt. It was hard. We were scared. But I think the guy that served us at macdonalds was scareder cos Kate was going hardcore to get her free big mac. She wanted to get a voucher just for enthusiasm – I had to drag her away.

At least Macdonalds was happening. I was SO disappointed in the As Seen on TV shop. It was just all these untidy boxes, and ugly people clambering through them – just the type of morons you’d expect to watch infomercials. (Me watching them while drunk/in Hamilton being the exception). There were no Victoria Jackson cosmetics for only $1 each. The only thing I was mildly interested in buying was the Susanne Paul ‘Blue Monkey’ cd/video/tape for $2. But the que full of ugly people was too long, so I flagged.

I went to Horokiwi with Amy and Andee, but Amy was in a shit of a mood, so that sucked to my asthma. I think it’s her boyfriend. I’m not at all impressed with him, and I do wish she’d end it. Really I am just thinking of her own good. Like, as much as I hate the guy, if he did good things for her, it’d be okay. But he just drags her down into the shit. I shouldn’t go on about it – it just really upsets me to spend time with her when she’s like this.

Ummmmm that’s about it. I baked a chocolate cake for my mommy who said she wanted one. But then she went and had dessert at Smacksalotl before she came home anyways. Sigh.

Oh, and I started a new section on my page – it’s for thoughts that don’t quite fit into my journal. Find it here. I’m in an ICQ chat with all these people from Vision now, and they’re talking complicated stuff, so I’m going to go sit in quiet awe now. Byeeeeee.

Stalk me at the Bakehouse tomorrow if you like.

Friday 4th December

Can I just state now for the record that I love Jo Eaton? I’m sure I can. Yay, it’s so good to have that off my chest. She’s started a journal too, so I can live voyeristically through that. I’m not going to give you the direct link, but her homepage is here. Now that I have that off my chest, I can tell you about my day.

I was working in the Bakehouse Gallery all day. I sold one mug. Ooooh it’s a hive of activity that place. Actually, it sorta is, cos I must have answered at least twenty phone calls. It’s a shame that so few people come in – it really is a cool shop. But actually, I didn’t care, cos Jo came in and that’s all that matters. We were sitting yacking for aaaages (she said she likes to listen to my stories – someone must be paying her) and I was telling her all about the party that’s tommorrow night, High Jinks in Hamilton… otherwise refered to as the Rumble. She was like “I wish I could witness it” so, like on the spur of the moment, I invited her to come along. God knows why she’d want to meet my ‘friends’ other than she’s heard too much about them, but she said yes. She’s a braver lass than me, that’s for sure. Her mother was only going to let her go if Jo retrieved her precious stainless steel teaspoon from the Treehouse Cafe – luckily Jo did this, and escaped the Title Ultimatum. Does that make sense? To clarify, the title of this entry is the quote Jo’s mother gave her. But Jo got the teaspoon, so it’s sweetassbro.

So yeaaaaah, that’s going to be so cool. We’re going to Paeroa and stuff on the way, and we’re going to take billions of touristy photos – triffic! I so love being a tourist. Posing in front of the giant L&P bottle, and also possibly taking photos for my new web page, which is going to be hosted on Vision. Did I mention that? No, I don’t think I did. They like me, they really like me – or my writing anyways, so my application was successful. Wahooo. And people actually get rejected from it too. Warm fuzzy glows all round.

In the evening Karen came over for dinner – well, fish and chips anyways, and to watch Xena. I so love that show. Such class! To think I nearly got thrown out of a Film&TV tutorial for saying it was serious New Zealand drama. I know someone who’s going to be on it (you know who you are) – I’m so proud! Karen had the audacity to say on the way home that I had an overinflated ego AND a lack of self esteem – then she topped that up with “you just don’t want to hear the truth”. Bitch! That’s the last time I bake HER brownies. It’s okay, I know she was just doing honest teasing, like I always tease her.

Okay, and Memory for the day…… Jo goes to me today all worried like when I was talking about ASIJ “What did they do to you there?”. Ummmmm good question. I guess nothing’s good when you’re 10-14 anyways, and you live in a foreign country without your sisters, and you have no friends and you can’t fit back into the culture you came from. There was an actual psychiatrical term for me back then “third culture kid”. Rock on. I wanna be labeled with that tape stuff you can type onto. You’ve gotta know what I mean, cos I can’t think of the word.

One GOOD thing about childhood though, but this was pre-Japan, was “Ronia, the Robber’s Daughter” by Astrid Lindgren. She was the chick that wrote the Pippi Longstocking books, but this is a thousand times cooler. It’s about a girl who lives in woods inhabited with all sorts of gobliny things like Harpies and Grey dwarves, with a Romeo + Juliet esque plot, because her best friend Birk is the son of the sworn enemey of Ronia’s dad. Of course, they’re only eleven, so it’s really innocent, and it’s just beautiful. I found it on the bookshelf, and re-devoured it. It was always one of my favourite books, and rereading it was like discovering it all over. There was a really good film of it made in Swedish too. It makes me almost want to have kids so that I can share the book with them. So many of the games I used to play as a kid, and the stories I wrote were based on it. I used to be such the little tom boy, climbing every tree, having forts in lots of my neighbours gardens and stuff like that. I’m really lucky ‘cos our section backs onto lots and lots of square kilometres of Native Forest – there’s a jungle in my garden. I wish I was young again – I had so many adventures.

Ah well, tommorrow’s another adventure. Watch this space to find out how Hammy went!

xoxoxox