Hubris.co.nz

Thursday September 5th, 2002

I’ve had whispers of conspiracy theories going on in my head, which really serve just to demonstrate what a paranoid paranoid paranoid girl I am. Nevermind.

Hmmm, what have I been up to lately? Working yesterday afternoon, but Terri was out sick, and Bridget’s away for a month (dammit, I nearly called them by their real names) and I didn’t have very much to do and I couldn’t move further without help from Terri, so I did do some more work on my zine. It’s nine pages long now, but I figure I have to make it at least 16 to make it worthwhile doing, and I’m finding that really, there’s not all that much more I can write. I’ve already outsmutted myself, I think (oh, for those of you who’ve just tuned in, my zine is called “BOYS BOYS BOYS BOYS BOYS”). Still haven’t found out if I got the job yet or not. It’s stressing me out more than just a little bit.

I was naughty and wagged my HR Tut this morning, but luckily it turned out that it was canceled anyway. Joseph was more than usually disturbing in our PR Practice tut, so Haley and I ever-so-grownuply wrote notes to one another, mostly about DiscoDan and I think I caught her up on my conspiracy theories and she just laughed at me. She also wrote me a note saying that I should tell Clayton she thinks he’s hot and that he should give her a call if he ever breaks up with Kara. I laughed. Oh, I’ll interrupt me with this side story here – Clay is a little grumpy with me tonight, cos he was telling me a story about this guy who tried to pick him up on the bus, who kept quizzign him about his background and what school he went to and stuff, and so when Clay told him, they tried to compare names of people they knew from there but they had no one in common, so Clay went “oh, but I know (umm forget his name) from Queer Nation”, so in the retelling of it I was like “oh of course Clay – all gay people know each other and they all watch Queer Nation” and so he’s shirty with me for accusing him of stereotyping, but oh well. Typical self loathing!

Anyways. Where were we? Oh yeah. So after our very long plenary meeting, Haley and I went to the Playhouse cos we thought we mighta been meeting the fashion students for an interview, but we weren’t sure cos Haley had sent out the email and not checked it recently (grr!) but they didn’t show, as I kinda expected, so we just had a drink and did much gossiping instead. Then I went home and phoned Momma, and booked plane tickets to Wellington. Yes, I’m going back there, even after declaring loudly many times to many people that I never ever wanted to again. Here’s why:

1. Ayna had invited me to her birthday party on the 18th of September.
2. We’re having a PR social down there to meet and greet (and apparently get leered at) by prospective employers.
3. Mummy and Daddy are going away for a week on the 19th, so I will get the house to myself, plus since I’m flying down on the 18th, I will get to see them for a day,which is probably all I can handle of them.
4. Karen and Anji and my KatieB and my FattySi are all down there and I miss them all and wanna hang out with them big lots.

So now I just have to get the time off work, or rearrange my days somehow. Luckily I do have a day in lieu up my sleeve.

This evening James picked me up and I went to see the team named “Stupid Horse” play indoor netball. It was fun! And it made meeee wanna play, although I haven’t since the glory days’o Standard 4. I have no doubt that I would suck at it – a lot. But still. Oh and Kate – I didn’t say this tonight, in fact I didn’t even think of it, but then I was watching Juice, so guess what? TEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHE. Love you baby.

Bo is still staying at her aunt’s, babysitting her cousin, so I rang her earlier today cos lord knows I can’t go three days without her ray of sunshine in my life. I’m so glad she moved in. Speaking of people that I like, have I said lately that I miss you? And I miss you. And you.

I have been having major crazy dreams lately – last night’s involved the cast of Home and Away, and a supervillan who was placing poisonous evil nasty creatures everywhere. It was fucked up. And oooh, I also dreamt about Amy and Andeee, so I really must give them a call sometime. I have a lot of catching up to do, I’m really quite slack huh?

Wednesday July 10th, 2002

I’m back! I’m here in Auckland. So why am I still supergrumpy and miserable then? I’m going to go with being pre-bleed, and also being annoyed that i missed people terribly and people are all busy now. Yes I know they all have their own lives and stuff. But meh. And also, Bops left for Wellington yesterday, so I won’t see her for like, two weeks and that sucks cos she’s so fucking great. Plus, she took her discman with her, so I can’t even listen to all the cds I got yesterday at Real Groovy.

All in all, my time in Wellington pretty much sucked more ass than an ass sucking machine. Mum drove me fucking crazy – I’m pretty sure that she has depression, or is at least going through menopause, but she doesn’t acknowledge depression as being anything valid at all; apparently it’s only events that make you sad, not chemical imbalances. But I will stop talking on this subject now. At least I got to catch up with lots of people and buy some kickass but very expensive pants.

Would you like to come over and munch on my rug? It’s kinda smelly, but it’s newly laid. Okay, we can stop with that now, but suffice to say, I actually have new carpet! It’s very exciting. Right now my room is spotless (although admittedly, there’s still a lot of my junk in the lounge) and you did say you’d be curious to see what my room looked like once I’d actually got it sorted, so I think you should come round and see it. I need a poley thingie to mount my photo hanging thing on, but other than that, things are pretty much sorted – once I unpack my suitcase, and get all my posessions out of drawers they don’t belong in and unstack my books from my wardrobe where they are getting all damp. I could go do that now, actually. Meh, that’s boring. I oughta focus my attentions on finding something to cover up the window with. My landlady has taken my curtains to wash them cos they were horrible mouldy, and your guess is as good as mine as to when I’ll get them back.

It’s 18 past midnight now, so I won’t sleep for a couple more hours, but I have an induction course at 9am tomorrow. Stink. Actually, the organisation employs me is very large and varied, and there are quite a few young people working for it, so maybe there will be some hot young things tomorrow morning. I can only hope.

xojo

Sunday, July 7th

My grandmother has this game that she likes to make us play when we go visit her that’s called “Putting stickers on the stuff you want”, so that by the time she moves into a resthome or dies, all of her antiques and ornaments will have already been claimed. I’ve taken a more practical approach and only labeled her fridge and her 17 inch computer monitor. When I told her those were the things I was after, she offered me a thousand dollars os I could buy myself a bigger monitor, which I managed to wrangle out of, and then told me that my fridge was a germ breeding ground and i must buy a new one and send the bill to her. Unfortunately, much as I hate our fridge, I can’t do that either. I felt much better when she was talking about how the Catholic doctor gave her a diaphram after she had Mum to use instead of condoms. It was a weird conversation. She also told me that she stopped getting migraines after she had a hystorectomy, but I don’t think I’ll be trying that one for quite a while yet, thank you very much. I do want to have children, like not just in a “oh that kid on TV is so cute, I want a baby NOW” or a “hey, if i had a kid then I wouldn’t have to worry about my future” kinda way. Having children is very definitely a part of my life plan, even if it may eventually mean using one of Anji’s eggs. But we’ll cross that bridge when I come to it, i guess.

So yeah, that’s what today was spent doing; visiting Oma with Anji. When I got home, I went to bed to avoid talking to Mum and Neil, cos they just reaaaaaaaally bug me. I HATE being in Wellington, this town is making me fucking miserable this time around. It just seems like there’s ghosts everywhere, and I dunno, it’s sucking lots. On Friday night, KateB and I had a really nice dinner at Saffron with two bottles of wine, and then we went and had cocktails at Jet Lounge (downstairs of course, although they weren’t admittign the general public). Double Fudge Martinis from there are my new favourite Mmmmmmm. But it’s such a fucking long expensive cab ride home that I was forced to call my paretns aroudn 10.30pm to get them to pick us up – that saved $25 taxi, plus however much more I would have spent on drink. I was absolutely trollied at that stage, and I tell you, there is nothing worse than being drunk in your parents’ house waiting desperately for them to fuck off to bed so you can raid their liquor cabinet – unless it’s waking up with a hangover the next day and them asking you all sorts of stupid questions. So Saturday was spent running away to lunch with Anji and Karen and hten watching videos with Anji.

Mlaaaaaaargh. At least I’m going fora long leisurely day’o shopping by myself tomorrow. I need some cool pants, and hopefully maybe a skirt, and a top. And i will gaze wistfully at the makeup in Napolean and try not to give into temptation. I’m also gonna get some new innersoles for my Birkis and have lunch with Karen. Kickass. In three more sleeps, I get to go home to Auckland YAY. Right now I’m reading ‘The Vinter’s Luck’ and I don’t really like it. Sodomising an angel just doesn’t sit right with me. Plus, yeah, I don’t like the characters, adn I don’t believe that the basic premise behind the whole thing is believeable, and the writing style seems a little off. So HA! Take that all you NZ literary snobs. Also, did I mention how I’d given up on reading ‘Posession’ cos it bored me stupid? I saw a promo for the movie of it – not suprisingly, the characters in it have miraculously become young and goodlooking. It makes em happy though, cos horrible Gwenyth is in it, so HOPEFULLY, I got it wrogn when I thought that she was going to be in “The Passion” and hopefully no one is making that into a movie, cos if they try, I will just fucking cry and cry. Posession, Passion – they’re pretty similar, right? Not that I’ve felt either for a little while. Well, passion, yes. Possession, not for years, and I think maybe I really really miss it.

The phone rang early this morning (ie, before 11am) and I was like “fuck I hate people!” only of course, it was Maree, who was ringing to ask what time I was flying down to Wellington, cos maybe she was on the same flight, and as it turned out, she was. I read the Herald and discovered that i was mentioned top’o the list in Sideswipe, so I cut the article out and stuck it to my wall with 3M® Scotch Tape. Bopha and I had lunch at a very nice newish cafe on St Benedicts Street, and then I packed and took a cab to Maz’s, and we took a taxi-chitted taxi to the airport and Maz was a spaz, and there was no leg room, and also, there was no window. But that was the first time i’ve flown not by myself since I was fourteen (oh I’m such a loner) so that was cool. Mum and Karen picked me up from the airport, adn we met my daddy at Astoria for a drink cos Anji was working there, and then went to Arizona for dinner. Karen and I both sent our steaks back, cos they were blacked adn dry and not at all medium rare, and it took an hour for them to bring us some water. I filled in the customer survey alright. But the steak was nice the second time around, at least. I am nearing my protein stage, I think. And now i’m home, and sleeeeepy and my wrists hurt, so no more stories for you.

Oh, and apologies to anyone who was in Arizona tonight who saw more than they wanted to when I flashed my boobies at my parents cos they asked.

Monday June 10th

Somehow I managed to only get four hours sleep last night, and since i had to work at 10am, that’s really not that cool eh. As I was leaving home, Bops was like “I don’t want you to go to work! I want you to stay home and hang out with me” which really is a lovely sentiment, but unfortunately, someone’s got to earn the fucking bacon around here (not that I’ve been paid yet, and this is my fourth week there, so things are starting to look a little worrisome). I even let the coffee man talk me into a pumpkin&pecan muffin with my latte (“how are you and how was your weekend?” “really tired thanks, and pretty crap, how are you?” “should I make that a double shot then?” and I think: “oh you lovely man”) because he’s always trying to pitch them to me and today I was sluggish enough to be vunerable. They were really good though. According to Teri, that place is notorious for trying to upsell.

Work all day was good, we had our weekly meeting and I volunteered to do a new database, because I knew that if I didn’t I’d just get assigned it anyways because I’m the bottom’o the heap and plus I have lots of free time. So doing the database was kinda sucky, but everything else was good. Also, I’ve arranged my days and timetable to accommodate my three exams and also a week long jaunt to the town’o Well. Yeah. So pretty much that was my entire day. Oh yeah, and I’ve asked this elsewhere, but if you’re Aucklandwise, please recommend me a restaurant for my small and intimate dinner gathering to celebrate my birthday NEXT MONDAY. I need it to be BYO, innercityish preferably and cheap. And good, obviously. Also, if you haven’t been invited to my birthday dinner it’s either because A) I don’t like you or B) I forgot to and will very shortly get around to it or C) you know you’re not My Girls but D) you are most definitely invited to my birthday party on the 29th, here at theslab. (And of course when I say “you” that’s assuming you actually know me and are not a crazy fucking get the fuck away from me you psychopath kinda person)(Oh shut up Joanna, no one wants to come to your fucking party anyways)(And if I slot in one more set of brackets, I get the next one free).

Tomorrow I intend to start studying – or at least sort my notes out by subject anyways.

Please chose a letter to begin with, and then just follow it on with the >>>. Where you want to start is up to you. It’ll be fun! And crazy! And wacky! Oh yes. Thank You.

B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y

>>>

And the bit I don’t understand is why you kissed me tonight.

On Friday, I made hte long drive up to Paraparaumu to see Oma. Pretty much as soon as I got there she said “You look fatter than when I last saw you! Have you put on weight?” Thanks Oma. And she kept reiterating it all through lunch, while trying to get me to have seconds. Hmmm. But it was still kinda cool. We talked about opera and April Fools and other stuff, as you do. After an hour and a half, I figured that was enough so I went home.

In the evening i made blackbean eggplant stirfry and there were lots of txts and phonecalls to coordinate our activities. Eventually Anji and I headed over to Ayna’s to listen to play records and chill before going out (just to be different). Charlotte and Alex came over, and so that was excellent because they’re both absolutely lovely. Charlotte used to flat with Bopa in Welly and she said that Bopa is mellow and tidy, which is very good news. And Alex is just a total sweetheart. Fatty showed p too, and him Anji and I headed down to Sub9 for DJ Zinc. The others were gonna follow us later.

Half a green alligator later, it was all excellent. When we started dancing, the dancefloor was empty, so it was really interesting to see what Sub9′s actual layout was like (“Oooh, so that’s where that hot chick snogged me before you scared her off at New Years, fatty!). and At first it was more cafe-ish music, and I wanted more “baaaaaaaaaaaaummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm” farting sorta bass, but it got there. I like dancing! Dancing number one excellent fun. I wish I could dance like the people who move their feet around lots and lots and lots though. I like watching people in Wellington dance. Si being the dear sweet boy that he is kept coming up to me to run his fingers up my neck and along my shoulders and up and down my back to make me giggle in pleasure. Tehehe, I like people touching me like that in those circumstances. Strangely enough though, he ran away when I told him that he was making my nipples errect. Dance dance dance. There was a pretty green laser shooting at the floor near me opening up portals when it wasn’t being a cloverleaf. However, at one stage, I had a freakout, cos the people were all too close and it was hot and well, you know how claustraphobic I get when people are bumping me so Anji and I went outside for a bit to chill.

When we went back in, we decided to dance in the bit between the door and the main dancefloor, which was completely empty so there was lots and lots and lots of room to go crazy in, so we did. It was funnn. I like dancing like a mad dancing thing. So we danced and danced and danced and danced. And danced. Etc. Etc. Eventually I went to the bathroom and it felt so weird to be walking that I was almost convinced that my feet were floating. My stomach started to complain after a second red bull and my temple hurt and both Anji and I were weary so we agreed that we’d had an excellent night and that we should end it on an up note, and so we left. We gave the taxi driver directions in stereo and he laughed at us. Whilst walking up the hill, I realised that it was raining adn that the rain felt absolutely lovely on my skin, little kisses from angels all over me so I stood in it for a very long time, while Anji laughed at me from the inside. In the lounge, Xmas lights were turned on and m2, and she rolled a wooden massager all over me and I was very very blissful. Then she gave me a valium and so I took a shower and had lovely lovely sleep.

Today I had coffee with Hulita at Olive which was cool, cos their cappachinos are the best in the entire country, and it was of course wonderful to see her again. Then I went home and went back to bed, because i was more than a little tired from the previous night. In the evening me and Mum&Neil went over to the Bentons’ for dinner. KateB and I giggled together lots, as we do, and our new cussword is “Bunny Rabbits” in any form or variation. We also had a big big arguement about exploitation with her dad which is too hard to explain here, but basically involves a British movie star currently featuring in a movie that’s fairly significant movie to NZ, and a boy we went to high school with. And we played Balderdash, good wholesoem fun, and I won. ANd now I am super tired so I will go read more ‘Survivor and go to bed, probably.

Sleep in til late then walk around the house in crisp navy sheet, as opposed to semi-soggy light blue sheets, and eat brie and fresh breadlike I never do in Auckland and listn to Anji and Mum snipe at each other which is pretty wearisome until I go and take drowning showers and then Anji and I do the supermarket shopping and probably save our parents hundreds of dollars by buying cheaper brands, despite the shampoo and stuff we throw in the cart as well. We were even so good that we didn’t throw batteries in amongst it all. Rah rah rah. Yet despite it all, I still had to eat meat and potato and vege for dinner. I’m used to vege vege vege and rice. Do they really have to use that much vegetable oil/add that much dairy fat? No, no they don’t! But they still do, ick!

Evening was the usual grab a couple’o cheap bottles from their racks adn ask someone to drive me to Ayna’s. She’s got a new flatmate so it was reaaaaaaaaal weird walking in – the place was tidy adn there was HOUSE music playing! Crazy. But yeah blah blah blah rah rah rah Ayna and Daniel and Katy and Brad and then it turns out Brad was engaged to Katy the whlole time he was engaged to me so we slapped him lots and were dancing and dancing and dancing adn there was some hiphop thing somewhere thtat we walked to, but I’m not really sure where – did it used to be the Fat Cat cafe? And yeah rah rah sleepy so I went home an my cab driver said PR was bullshit and I was sure I had him in 95/96 when i first fell in love and so he was laughing at me and yeah and telling me about how good the sixties were and fuck i’m tired, bed and smothered noises for me! xojo.

Sleeping in until sometime after three is excellent, especially when you get up and aren’t at all sick, unlike your sister and crazy Linda who came home an hour after you so drunk that they were incapable of making tea and toast and you had to do it for them. Heh.

Karen came around for dinner tonight so we had quality family time, watching a very funny Halloween Simpsons episode. And then I txted Ayna to find out what time i should go around and she told me that Dan and Mike and Adam were already there, so I could go any time. So I got Neil to drop me off – I really should have made him come in to meet Brad, seeing as how we’re engaged and all now. Anyways. So we hung out and played records and stuff, as you do at Ayna’s. Adam was really good at beat matching. I’m afraid to even look at her turntables for fear of breaking them. I had a big discussion about Briteny Spears vs The Spice Girls with Brad and Mike, but I can’t remember what the winning verdict was. Eventually the boys took off, Brad decided to stay home and Bobby showed up and drove me and Ayna down to the Foundary.

Yay for seeing Katy Troop again! Everyone at the Foundary was gathered around their dining room table (although they don’t have a dining room as such, just a massively huge lounge that’s big enough to hold dance parties in) doing what they called “Russian Cocaine”, so I did that too. Russian Cocaine, apparently, is slices of lemon with sugar and instant coffee grinds on top, which you put in your mouth and wash down with shots of vodka. It’s a really weird combination eh, and it kinda knocks you back really quick for some strange reason. And I had conversations about movies with people at film school and we tested someone who said that they wanted to work in Continuity by making him close his eyes while we switched necklaces and stuff to see if he’d figure it out – and he always did. So I’m sure he’s got a bright future ahead of him.

Eventully me and Ayna and Kartini and Bobby went to Phoenix for some hip hop thingie – I can’t remember exactly what it was called but it was something to do with Wahine, since it was all Women stuff. It’s so strange going to dance parties at Phoenix, since it used to be the Repatory Theatre and I used to do drama lessons there. Now the Green Room is a very nice bar with boothes and big windows, and the main theatre bit seems so much smaller. I like dancing to hip hop and taking half pills. I’ve also decided that i wanna become an MC when I grow up because the girl that was doing it was just so fucking cool and excellent.

Katy and Kartini both left, so Ayna and Daniel talked me into going to Sandwichs at Sub9 with them (ha, that whole sentence sounds just a little kinky, doesn’t it? Make your thighs like butter, easy to spread, and we can make sandwichs. You can be the bun and I’ll be the burger girl, we can make sandwichs. Etc). It was $35 to get in, and that was on top of the $18 for the hip hop, but I figured, why the fuck not. After all, this is my last chance weekend at Hedonism before I go back to tech and actually knuckle under and do lots of work. I am very super glad that I let myself be talked into it. The music was super cool and fun, and for house, it was really realyl diverse and not all gimpy. SO I danced and danced and danced until my feet blistered, adn then I danced some more. I lost Ayna and Dan so I went upstairs to 9bar to chill out for a while, then went and danced some more. Eventually though, i found myself wanting to yell “STOP TOUCHING ME” at everyone who pushed past, and the whole crowd thing was starting to really really freak me out, so I went and jumped in a cab and went home. I’m not even going to start to think about how much money I’ve spent in Wellington.

I’m on my way
From A U T to hamilton today
ahuh ahuh ahuh

Ahuh. Project reports were all proffesionally bound and handed in today. I am free. Life is good!

Hi Michael Shadbolt. I liked your set on Pulp last year.

Second night of the expo went much better than the first, because I was handing out name tags and was therefore able to grab people’s attention as they came in, and also because I was wearing my New Media Pants. So there. Some interesting oppotunities have arisen as a consequence, which i will get back to you on as more details surface. But for today, I’m going to Hammy to see Andeee and Amy and go to Shihad/Weta/Fur Patrol, wahoo! Suck though that Andee doesn’t have a ticket, but we might scrape a doorsale through. Hopefully. Either way though, it’ll still be fabo to see her and drink instant coffee and hope to bump into the old boys and stuff.

Tomorrow night I’m back to Auckland for Trudie’s 21st, maybe Kate Orange’s 21st and Justin’s farewell party, and then on sunday morning, I’m flying to welly for a week. I’m getting picked up at the airport and then it’s straight off to Oma’s house for lunch, wahoo. So yeah, busy busy. I guess i should go pack now, but that’s boring. All I’m taking to hammy is cheap wine and a change of clothing anyways.

Going out after the Expo was fun – hundreds of us at the London Bar. Clay was there with his tv buddies, so that was cool. Jodie was very sly, which impressed me. I had a conversation with Ben and Kyle about celebacy (I can’t even spell it) and romance as opposed to sex, and it amused me. Later at Macdonalds, Nick Jodie and I were talking about scoring tech people, and when I said I’d snogged a person from tech, Nick was very sure that I’d snogged Brad, which I haven’t, and I never ever will, because no, that’d be like ewww, snogging a brother. And we all know I’d never screw the crew (again). So that was disturbing. The fact that I only paid for one bottle of wine the entire night and yet got bollickingly drunk on drinks bought for me was not disturbing. And having six business cards when i got home was impressive, I thought.

Okay, really must go now, I guess. I like driving, but I don’t like driving in Hamilton – I always get lost. Still, needs must! xoxo “Maybe later – I’ve got creamy goodness in my mouth right now”