Tag: writing


Waiting for the communists in the fun house

March 30th, 2010 — 9:33pm

Item! Once again, I am anticipating my period. My boobs are sore and I’m starting to get cramps when I orgasm. Is this the information you’re looking for when you google “Jo Hubris” or when you look me up when I apply for jobs with you? I really must reiterate again that this is an online journal where I have been writing about my periods since 1998. I don’t believe it is a reflection on my professionalism. That’s what www.joannamcleod.com is for.

Item! That whining out of the way, I want to tell you about my friend Peter. For his 20th birthday, me and the good people of Garland bought him a Britney Spears doll. That was a good ten years ago. Recently he was back from the UK for a bit, and came to a party at Shirley’s and then Anna-Jane’s flatwarming with me. He brought Britney with him! And took her out of the box for the first time!

Say hello to my little friend

He carried her in his pocket all night and talked to her too. I adore Peter.

Item! There’s stuff written by me in a new magazine called FishHead. I went to its launch. The Masked Barfly went too.

Item! I had a blogsplosion today and updated EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY BLOGS apart from the Aucklandista. That’s an awful lot of blogs. Ones you might know about include Pretty Pretty Pretty, the Wellingtonista, You Are So Entertaining and Joanna McLeod Dot Com. Ones you might not know about I suppose will stay that way. Oh, but you should follow my tumblr if you’re into that sort of thing.

Item! I am having a potluck dinner party on Good Friday and am trying to use it to meet people that I might follow on Twitter and the internets but don’t really know. Would you like to come along? Let me know!

Item! Finally, because Robyn did it, let me present you with the top search terms for today on my site:

homemade duck blinds 6
ingrown hair vagina 2
picture of ingrown hair on breast 2
ingrown hair genital 2
the feelers suck 1
musician calls potential sponsor whore 1
in grown hair on arm 1
infected ingrown hair crotch 1
anal sluts wellington 1
gmt.co.nz 1

It’s true, I did have an ingrown hair. And the Feelers do suck. The rest, I don’t think I can help you with, sorry. Except to say that if I hadn’t been blind drunk, I may not have needed a “the duck” tag.

EDIT: oh yeah, I already told you to delete my feed and resubscribe if you’re not getting full posts in your RSS reader, yes? Good.

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Howl

July 26th, 2005 — 1:34am

As a follow up to the last entry, about which I received an email that said “I <3 the title of your most recent Hubris post - "Pavlova's Bear." It made me laugh heaps and I am still thinking about how clever you are. ", there were mini passionfruit pavlovas at my work drinks last night, and many canapes, to which I availed myself. That's rull bad England isn't it?

Right now I smell like old lipstick from sorting out my makeup, and I'm shifting uncomfortably because Sebastian or something else has happened to the long phone cord, and so I'm forced to sit on the other couch, and even though it's only half a seat shorter than what is generally viewed as my couch, it still feels wrong.

What’s fun is that I drove Ethel – Anji’s little blue car tonight. I haven’t driven in months, and Ethel’s a manual. She’s out somewhere, I’m procrastinating about tidying my room (my excuse is that I wanted to look up something on the Ezibuy website before I send back some of the things I ordered) and procrastinating about fetching another Gisbourne Gold beer. But at some stage I’m going to have to pee, and you can rest assured that I will be getting up to do that.

So, what have I been up to lately? Pretty much all same old same old. I finished a piece of writing at work that I’d been sitting on for months and months and months. I’d written it originally late, and then when I sent it to my umm mentor I guess you could say, he said lots of it was unnecessary and why did I write it and blah blah blah – all in a very nice and right way, and told me this other thing to write about, but I just was so not motivated to get it done, and weeks and weeks later I finally wrote something, and I thought it was too short but then I decided I didn’t care, so I sent it back to him and he said it was perfect. Haha. Funny. In non-day-job writing, I was asked if I wanted to interview Franz Ferdinand but I had to turn it down cos it would have just been too much of a hassle. But I just banked a $500 cheque, which is always nice.

I’ve had a bunch of horrible dreams lately that won’t be repeated here cos I hope I can forget them sometime soon. On Tuesday night Anji and I were cooking dinner together, and the front of one of the drawers broke off and she dropped it on my toe and I howled and howled and then I shook and bawled and bawled, and she was freaking out at me freaking out. It wasn’t the pain, it was the surprise – I guess it unleashed a flood of tension. My whole body ached right after that (and admittedly, it did split my toe nail). On Thursday after a couple of vodkas I was watching ‘Extreme Home Makeover’ – and yes, I did expect it to make me cry, like it does every single week, but I wasn’t quite prepared for quite how much. The girl whose house they were doing had some kind of mega allergies and cancer or something, so she was all bald and bloated, and reminded me a lot of how Emily looked after she had a brain tumour removed and came back to ASIJ. She died three days after her mother did.

Can we talk about something else right now, like maybe mad consumerism? I’m seriously considering buying a playstation, once Anji has paid off her credit card so I can use it to order from the Game Planet store. I’m going to get Singstar and an Eye Toy if I get one. Anyone have any thoughts and or tips or caveats to share with me?

Today we took back a lameass heater that didn’t heat to the warehouse, and I got my money back and proceeded to buy another non heating heater. Dumb. I also managed to spend another $100 on bathroom accessories (if you have seen the bad design of our bathroom, you will understand why they were necessary) and another zip up hoodie (fuck paying$200 for a Huffer), and Labyrinth, which y’all should come over and watch with me. I must have bought other things as well. Hmmm. Oh yes, casserole dishes and under-bed-storage boxes. And then we spent $162 at the supermarket. Money doesn’t grow on trees, you know. Sure would be great if it did.

I apologise for the blah blah blah of this entry. Maybe I should talk about politics instead. But no. Or the finale of ‘The O.C’? Made me weepy. But I’m almost at the stage where the Grainwaves ads have the potential to make me cry too. Ick. The noise in my head has stepped up to a roar most nights that I try to drown out with Hammer of the Gods. I wish I was a rockstar.

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Designer Chips

January 2nd, 1999 — 12:43am

Saturday the 2nd of January, 1999

As happens a lot to me, I dreamt I was woken up, but went back to sleep. So I laid in bed for ages, sure that Mum and Neil had left me, and gone to my grandmother’s without me – (YAY) until Mum came to wake me. Damn. I mean, I know if I had a better soul, I wouldn’t hate visiting my grandmother, but it’s just soooooooooo boring and so hot there, and it’s like an hour’s drive out of Wellington. As soon as we got there, I like, sprawled myself down on the lumpy sofa to read Woman’s Weekly and the like. I don’t want to go through Opa’s books once again. Sure, there probably are interesting books there, but realistically, I’ll never read them. I’m not going to grow up to be the famous writer that he wanted me to be. I’m learning about the real world now, not History, so all his old books are no use to me. I hate his big room now, because time stands still in there, and he’s dead but so much of his stuff remains. I’ve claimed as much furniture from there as I think our flat will hold, and I have pens and paper and everything from there already. There’s nothing left for me in there except memories, and I don’t have to go to my grandmother’s house to remember him.

That said, I did come home with more loot – some old frying pans and an electric wok, although that looks a bit dodg, so maybe I won’t take it to Auckers. Si and I were doing inventory, and I think we’ve got most of the stuff we’ll need for a flat – bar a toaster and a microwave and ummm cutlery. I have various bits and pieces from when stealing cutlery from resturants was my obsession, but that’s mostly knives that would be good to spot off. Anyways, it’s going to be cool, so long as we can find a good house and nice flatmates.

In the evening, I glammed up in my new pearl and amythest necklace and new (lancome and chanel baby) lipsticks from Oma (both were things she didn’t want anymore – well, each of us cousins gets a necklace like that – Karen’s emerald one was kinda ugly so she didn’t take it). Mum dropped me off at Smacksalotl, and I did some drinking with Anji, Siobahnagain and Aaron. Then we decided to go to Tueplo’s so we walked down there. Anji and Aaron were pretending to be going out the whole way down there, so I hung back with Siobahn. She was fully on the piss, and asked me a thousand times where we were going. She gave money to a busker in return for a lollipop. He told her to take lots so I had one too. Friendly. Town was so much nicer than it was on New Years Eve. I don’t ever feel scared anymore walking around at night (thanks for that legacy) but I did on New Years. So much broken glass, gang members and violent looking people. I had a moment of sheer terror when I was talking to Steph on the street while she waited for a taxi and all of a sudden Anji was like “watch out” and she pulled me close to her while behind me I heard glass smashing. That spooked me temporarily. I still waited by myself to flag down a taxi for Steph while she was inside though.

Sorry, that was like a different story, NYE instead of Jan 2. Anyways. Tupelo was shut, and so was Studio Nine, so we went into the Lava Lounge instead and I bought everyone drinks. The place was so empty, it was funny. We sat in SUCH comfy comfy arm chairs, which was lovely. They were playing all this early eighties hiphop stuff, which was entertaining, but I SO wanted to hear the Spice Girls. I wanted to do the Stop dance, since I’ve finally mastered. I was so impressed when they played Wannabe, and Anji laughed at me heaps because I knew all the words and I hammed it up.

Anyways, then we decided to just go back to Anji’s, after Aaron had left us. We got to her door, when Siobahn decided she wanted chips, so I walked to City Stop with her to get them. On the way down, we passed a lad called Matt who’s madly in love with Anji, but is definatly unrequited. (Note to ANYONE ever planning to have kids – DON’T call your children Matt – it’s dooming them for life). Siobahn, being the little flake that she is, stupidly suggested that he should go and say Hi to Anji on his way home. Fooooooooooool Girl! I told her that if Matt did actually show up, Anji would kill her.

City Stop was all bright and glowy and full of Junk Food – choooiiiiiice. Siobahn being the little pig that she is bought THREE bags of chips, and it took us only the time it takes to walk through Cuba Malls to devour the twisties. It’s only after drinking that food like that becomes okay to eat. Once we got up to Anji’s, we saw Matt WAS there, so we had a guilty little giggle. I climbed out onto the fire escape again, although this time Anji forbade me to call out to passers by. Both her and Siobahn had told Kirsten at ‘Slotl that I’d harrassed her ex b/f on New Year’s Morning, telling him he was looking “Fly” (he was wearing a pale blue suit for fucks sake, Fly personified!) and asking him to cook us breakfast (which he would have, only we had no ingrediants).So yeah. We smoked up, and ate chips. At one stage two girls walking up Cuba Street met two boys walking down Cuba Street, and after some discussion ended up all going up the street together. I couldn’t help but yell out “SCORE!!!!”. When they turned around to see, I looked the other way. When Siobahn started talking about sleeping, Matt left. Hhahahah. He’s really nice, just Anji is so not interested, it’s kind of amusing.

So yeah. We sat around and giggled a bit more. It’s always amusing when people tell you that they had sex on top of a freezer in an open resturant in town. (Not Smacksalotl, although Anji has snogged someone in the cooler there). The salt and vinger chips hurt our mouths too much, so we devised a plan to neutralise them by spreading Baking Soda toothpaste on them. It’d be perfect. Parents would love them for their kids’ sake, AND the chips would be so soggy that they wouldn’t leave crumbs everywhere. They ARE the chip of the future. That idea is now patented by the way, so don’t steal it (justine). Eventually Siobahn went off to Aaron’s, and Anji went to bed. I could have slept in Melinda’s room, but there’s the spooky staircase there that leads up to the Gimp Attic. And I didn’t wanna sleep in Daegal’s room cos I didn’t know when he’d be getting back from the Gathering (bastard). So I slept on the old bed in the curtainless lounge, moonbeams and streetlights washing over me. I felt so Cosmopolitan.

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