Hubris.co.nz

Tomorrow I am interviewing Pluto. !. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Let’s hope I don’t drown in my own panty moistness. Also, I took these two photos of MeegEh who is leaving me on Saturday (dude, that’s Megan, but she’s from Canadia, hence the nickname) and Bo at work:

Stuff is mostly good – I am currently drunk with Nikki again, just for a change, and we’ve found a guy to move into MeegEh’s room – his name is Lance – and we have soem decent sounding prospects for Jonny’s room, adn thank fucking god he’s moving in with Ting.

Work is funnish, I have bene taking lots of photos lately, and assigning things to monkeys, and yeah. Ummm what else? School Gala party on March 8th, and if you’re unhappy with m2 beign taken off the air, you can call Mr Glen Sowry, Head of Public Affairs at TVNZ- 09 916 7565 / 021 461 775 to complain. But he hasn’t texted me back. How rude.

Would you stop smoking those goddam cancer sticks and come and hang out with me? Sheesh.

Okay, so just because someone produces the magic substance that wakes you up does NOT mean that you should trust their decisions. Oh no. So if the boy who makes you coffee once or twice a week recomends that next time you have a VANILLA soy latte, don’t do it. Even if you love Vanilla Coke. Even if you’re easily swayed. Don’t do it. It tastes RANCID. Moral’o the story is, don’t take tips from men who listen to lifeFM or happy hardcore, and have mutton chops.

Oh look, Jo’s talking real trivial issues, she must be feeling better!

And actually, I am. even if Cipramil leaves me with a dry mouth and totally inadequate orgasms and weird dizzy spells sometimes. Oh, plus I have a totally burnt thumb. But I suspect that has more to do with Guy Fawkes than any other mental affliction.

So where were we? We talked about the coffee, which sucked. I trained today to do the WebDev Guy’s job while he’s away on leave. He put a sign on our office door that has the Communications Administrator Job being done by a “Joanne” McLeod. Apparently this is his reaction to Bridget telling him off for spelling it “McCloud”. I was like “Skew, you just gave me all your passwords for the webserver, are you sure you wanna say bad things about me?”. I hope he knows I do actually like him, even if there is a little “friendly” tension between me and Terri’s replacement. I’m still infamous at work for doing so well at the quiz on Friday night, and of course for the Hula dance that went along with it.

I worked from 10-3pm today, serving at Skew’s leisure so that he could teach me before he gets all mad panicy, and then I went for my eye appointment, which is very heavily subsidized by my organisation, as long as I made it clear that I need glasses to operate my VDU. I made it very clear. The guy was all young and nice, being a final year Opotometry Student, and it turns out that my glasses are WAY TOO STRONG on my left side. He was nice but too close in some parts, and I felt like I was supposed to pash him, because really, that’s the only time you’re supposed to hear people breathing like that. And then we got to the room where to try on frames, and he put the first pair’o frames on me, and he was like “yeah, that’s so it” and we tried on lots more pairs, but he was right, the first pair really suited me, even though they were $300 frames, and we couldn’t find anything nice that was cheaper (“I have expensive tastes!”) plus when someone is so convinced that something looks that good on you, it’s hard to argue, isn’t it? I told him off during my (incredibly long) eye examination cos he kept laughing at me when I was so obviously wrong reading letters, and he was like “hey, it’s boring to be so clinical”. He also got an abridged version of my full medical history because he damn well asked for it, and yes, thank you, I appreciate why I’m having dizzy periods, and I’m paying $120 an hour to sort that out, and I appreciate that you’re taught to do this, but seriously, get back to writing me out a new glasses prescription. Thank you.

And then this evening there was Quiz, but when Clay and I got there, who was sitting outside but *IV (damn, I wish I was into full name disclosure styles, cos it’d sure as hell make things easier) and I was like umm “okay, I’ll go get the beer” because i am LAME and because he totally wouldn’t even look in my direction at Justin’s last party, and then KateH showed up, and eventually Peter (Hi peter, you’re choice even if you’re not scrawny in a tight tshirt anymore) and a friend of his, and that was our quiz team, although Bo and Leo put in an appearrence for a little. At one stage, I went out to the bathroom, and *IV was out having a cigarette, so I kicked his chair, and said hey, and said that he didn’t need to be afraid’o me cos I didn’t mean to cause trouble at all in any way. He said he was back with his g/f and I said that I knew that, and that was cool and I understood, and he was like, “but you were the first girl since her” and I said that he’d told me that at the time, and then I told a kinda lie and said that I was in love with the boy who’s party we’d hooked up at (a lie in that it wasn’t LOVE as such, but definitely some kinda big feelings) and he was like “what, Justin?” and I laughed my head off and I was like “don’t you remember – we were at a party in Herne Bay” and he was like “ooooh” and I said that he was quite probably the nicest boy I’d ever had sex with, and I’m sorry that I’d snobbed him the first time I saw him after we’d had sex but I hadn’t expected to see him again quite so soon, and he was like “I got a snub in the Hub” which was actually really funny and we were both like, mutal admiration for how cool each other was, and he said that he’d got the note I left him in his letterbox that said he was a total sweetheart, which is true, and he said I had great taste in music, and we had a laugh, and just parted on super terms. So that was lovely.

Meanwhile, back at Quiz. OH MY GOD! Okay, so every Tuesday, we call ourselves “The Slab” on account of it being our apartment name, right? Well, tonight not only were there “The SLAB” but there was “Peanut Slab” as another team, and also “FUCK THE SLAB” as a team name. ATTITUDE! Anyways, we won, and so that’s a $50 tab for us to drink next Monday when I’ve finished my first exam. No more Quiz nights at Vesbar anymore, at least not over summer. He took my number and said he’d call if he started working somewhere else, but Meh, I doubt that’s what I would like it to be, then him and me and KateH played with Sparklers in the Quad. It was pretty choice. ANd then I went up to Kelly and Rowena’s and we set off fireworks on their roof and I burnt my hand. I went home cos I was so drunk I could hardly stand up anymore, especially in the rain, and Kara and Clay and Bo and Leo were all watching Harry Potter, and there were Nachoes on the stove, so I was stoked, and that was cool, except, my god, maybe kids have mucher longer attention spans than I do, cos I so could not be bothered concentrating, so after an hour and a half, I headed off here.

But doesn’t it make you happy? Look, Jo all conscious and stuff – and like, sure she’s drunk, but that just means that her OOS doesn’t hurt as much, and yes, I am, I am looking after myself, MUM. ANd soon, I will post you a rant about happiness, and also about Therapy. White MiddleClass Girl Angst etc. Love you all – well okay, that’s a lie. Love all of you who you know who you are, and care about some of the rest of you, and are glad some of you read me, adn would very much like some of the rest’o you to fuck off now please. Thank you. Xojo.

Um, hi. Because there is only so long that you can carry on playing scrabble without keeping score. Loinden is not actually a real word, and while I apppreciate that hi, you appreciate that I’m in my bedroom making up fake words, you’re in the lounge scoring with a real boy, and damn that would be nice, although I have lowered my criteria to cover anyone that is willing to share my bed and then peer under it after hearing rustlings that could suggest mice. And when we slipped out of the lounge tonight, adn he totatlly understoond WHY I was luring him to my bedroom and it was for you, I didn’t even have to mention that hey, actually I think maybe it’s you that matters, and it has been that way since what – june last year? And if there is too many yous, and you can’t keep up, then hey, fuck you. Fuck off. Seriously. I only have time to care about real people. Oh, and Corey Feldman. Fuck, so smitten with an 80s boy.
Reasons why I am in love with the current boy:

You know, the thingie that I’m writing over contained the line “well whatever happened to jennifer connelly? what made-for-tv movie will she turn up in next?” and that was Octoberish 99 and since then she’s won an Oscar, so there you go. Shit, losing my place, slightly nauseous = obviously fucking drunk. But it’s like, Nigel’s birthday so I have a real reason to be, honestly. Yeah.

Anyways, so my day was sleeping in, until Bopha made me and Clay watch ‘Sholin Kids’. Fuck that’s a brilliant movie! So good. And then her and I went to the swoopermomarket adn stopped by to see KateM (KateM kicks ass!) and yeah rah rah. Then i got Emma to drop me at Jeremy’s, cos I was going to his house for dinner. He had a fucking hot english boy staying with him and I think we all know hwat suckers for accents women are, so yeah,my panties were well moist. ALSO! him and this other guy put “well” before all their adjectives, and you just know I”m well going to be doing that from now on.

Much later (ie: two and a half bottles later) me and Jezza took a Taxi to Verboten on Ponsonby Road to wait for everone else. People came later and that was cool. Jezza bought me a fucking nice cocktail – he didn’t know what wsa in it – he said he said to the bartender that he wanted a gorgeous drink for a gorgeous girl, and fuck it was good. Many many drinks, and lots of intense talking. Jezza is super funny and we have lots in common. Heh. Anyways. I guess evetually someone someone decided that we should leave Verboten, and so I found myself inh the backseat of Ryan’s car (he of the long distance and kumikumi pig) and I was completely disorientated, But eventually we were queueing outsidea Wyndam Street Bowling Club, and I was like What the fuck? why am I queieing to pay $15 to listen to HOUSE MUSIC? So I went down to Queen St, walked up a bit and got a taxi home. And here I am. HI! HELLO! HI! Rah rah rah. There’s like, missed oppotunities and shit, but I think this is better in general, me being umm fuck, altruistic and shit. Yeah. Colour me DLT.

Tuesday September 17th, 2002

1. Oh really, Crushmaster? Someone has just all of a sudden developed a crush on me using “ae” before my domain name? and “gs”? Really? Oh, silly me.
2. When the fuck did I originally design this page if I just used “indigo” as a BGCOLOR instead’o a sexi-hexi decimal number?
3. Am I going to be sick tomorrow? I guess I am, right?
4. One of them had better have been sober-driving it home, or I will be SO mad.
4. I’m sure you knwo me well enough by now to click as to why i haven’t written in ages, if I haven’t written in ages.
5. Bo+Clay+Me flatdinners kick some ass.
6. I don’t think I’ll go to quiznight anymore – I think that ship has sailed. Plus, I have a supershort attention span, and oh yeah, I dunno. Some rant about pointless semi-rockstar semi-crushes etc etc. He’s still real cute though.
7. Clay and I, staggerign up the street, punchdrunk on $50′o liquor with just KateM and Nigel, and he stops to look at some guy, and I figure he’s just angling for a fight cos I thought the other guy bumped him, and I’m like all, oh no, BUT! BUT! It was goddam LEYTON. You know, the first flatmate that I ever kicked out, cos he wasn’t a team player and I wanted Brad to move in.
8. Brad McCormick, calling me on my cellie from work in Whakacarnie after I txted him going “OH MY GOD THE DRAMA” cos he knew I was talking H&A (I love our psychic bond) and he wanted a full description. Oh Kirsty and Kane, when will you find happiness together?
9. I really want to smoke pot with you RIGHT NOW, even if it means that you don’t end up talking at all after that.
10. Should I try and hold out for 32 points?
11. I had a big talk with Joseph today, and feel much better about my PR Practice paper now, even if we probably did quite badly in our report (oh, sorry Haley, I should email you, but to be perfectly honest, I’m more than a little squiffy right now, and I do have semi-proposal type things to write and send you, and then I’ll email you. Oh, that’s not like a “will you marry me?” thing, just in case the audience as a whole didn’t get thta).
12. I’m still loving my haircut and the other Hayley (with two y’s, not one) by default as well.
13. Who was teh fucking mongrel that listed me on crushmaster in the first place? No one has crushes on me. At best, you’d like to put your penis in me for a little while, in one way or another, or just engage me in witty conversation. I know the score, chief.
14. Welly and some valuable chillout alone time tomorrow, yay!

Wednesday September 12th, 2002

And I can’t remember where we are, but hey, i kinda know her, so my parting words whispered in her ears are “great shorterm, no longterm” cos he’s a friend’o a friend’s, and it’s just too complicated, and blah blah blah alll that bullshit, you wanna backtrack?

So we track it back to class, or to plenary meetings and joseph saying “yeah she’s stroppy, come talk to me” and then we fasttrack through a work afternoon til I leave a little early and go home, and roll up my suit skirt til it ends above my knee, and I go like that in my high heeled boots. In the next two hours I manage six glasses or so of wine, but yet the only significant people I talk to are froom the North Shore City Council that I used to work for, and also, one of my friend’s fathers, who owns one of the most important PR agencies in town. Of course, the last time I saw him was at her wedding when a guy with an English accent was shoving his tongue down my throat til I made him take me outside so I dunno what that does for my cred.

Anywyas, afterwards, somehow we end up at Lauren’s and there was lots’o liquor left after our party, adn I’m composing texts to send to Haley in my head about certain issues (boys boys boys) and oh you know, drinking more. I discoverd that Renee too is also into dnb hphp, and that’s fucking choice, so we is gonna go out sometime. And there were people spilling their red wine on the carpet so I tried to help them clean it up, flushing out the stains, but then I fell backwards into a pot plant, spilling pebbles everywhere, and fuck the guitly conciounse FUCK I AM TOO DRUNK TO EVEN SPELL kicks in, and while we have the vacuum cleaner out, and David’s helping me and continuously patting me reassuringly on the shoulder Is tiil feel bad.

Eventually we all get encouraged tomove on, so I’m at teh Safari Lounge for ages, and KateB’s ex flattie is there, so I’m all blah blah blah and there’s more drinking and stuff but I’m so barely concious and so I take a taxi home and fuck I wish there was someone to cook for me. 5tomorrow there is work all day, then haircuts and parties amnd cleavage and probably at least two people I’ve slept with, soi that’ll be fun! but at least I’ll look sexyh

xojo – oh and did you order my zine?

Friday June 21st

It’s 3.27am (okay, so it’s Saturday) and I’ve just got home. I’ve had a kickass night! It began with Bopha and Leo and Laurence and Brazil/England (YAY! Brazil won!) and now it ended with Brad dropping me off after begging the bartender at Deschlers to make me Honeycomb cocktails (he looked it up in his rolodex). It was a good night. Becky was really cool. We won the soccer, did I say that already? Bridget sent me home from work early; apparentky I don’t have to make up hours I take off sick (that’s DANGEROUS knowledge) so yeah, I decorated Emma’s cake real pretty. The boys came over later – fuck, Laurence is the hell breaker, I am so impressed. He’s like 6’2 so at some stages he was hitting the lampshade with his leg swing arounds – wow. Can I just say wow again? Bops is all good at it too, I wish I knew how. And also, Brazil won, yay. I was like, so on the verge sometimes. Exciting. And then Brad and Becky came over and took me to Lumiere and The Supper Club and 76 and Oporto and Deschlers and now I’m home, and dude, aren’t you coming over now? xojo

Monday June 17th

Today is my birthday, my 22nd to be exact. Any and all of you who haven’t seen me, called, txted or email suck. That’s right, ALL of you. So there.

Work was long but hey, I was weraing my pretty new skirt so at least I looked good.

Evening was Bopha and Berrin which apparently means Little Bear so I love him yelling “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” and breaking like mad as soon as I walked in the door which was a little scary.

Evening was dinner on the pillows at Caravan Serai with Bopha and Jezza and Renee and Maree and KateH and James and KateM and Jody, and oh my god that was so cool apart from getting locked in a toilet stall and having to take the lock off with a knife as an alternative to climbing over the roof into the dust and air vents to get out, but maybe we’ll write about that when we’re soberer, cos I’m actually reaaaaaaally sleep so I migth go sleep and write up an inventory tomorrow. I had a kickass birthday, and it would only have been cooler if You had called. Ha, who’s that You? You all are, maybe. Also, I’m worried that you’re not going to email me again, after my last letter to you which I guess was a suggestion that you shouldn’t, but that’s not really what I want, it’s just what is obviously for the best. But fuck the best! I want the rest! Anji says I should go and leave the boy another note with my number and see if he wants to have coffee, but I’m so not even sure that I wanna see him, I think I just want SOMEONE to fancy. Meh. Think about it tomorrow? For now bed looks all warm and soft and stuff. ANd there’s no one left to drink with cos everyone’s gone to bed and I almost fell asleep in Bopha’s when I wenmt to wake her up for the soccer which she’s not even going to watch (I’m in shock). Yeah, so I’m cold and drunk and mostly really happy, bed would be good here.

Hey, do you think I’m grown up now? We’ll see. xojo.

PS – Did I mention that I set myself on fire yesterday? Whoops!

Friday June 7th

Morning is a mad dash to the supermarket with Bopha to get there and back in time for me to get changed and go to work,and I end up being ten minutes late, but it’s not like they’re really keeping time anyways, or so it seems. There’s a lamington waiting on my desk when I get there, sprinkled with baby m&ms and with a chopstick stuck in it, and as soon as I walk in, Skew and Terri are like “Happy birthday” and I’m like “thanks, who’s birthday is it?” and they’re like “yours” and I’m like “no” but it was really sweet anywyas, and apparently we’re gonna have a drinkathon on my birthday. That kicks ass! I can’t imagine any other workplace doing that. Oh yeah, at Foodstuffs, they laid on morning tea – biscuits and buttered muffins when they all knew I was vegan. Choice. But anyways, work is fun, and at three pm, Terri and I go for a 10 minute walk to the graphic designer’s office (the people I work for have buildings ALL OVER town – we 0wn Auckland) and that was fun too. She’s choice, I like her, and I will miss her when she is gone. Also she said today to someone else that I’m being groomed for her role, so that could be interesting.

Afternoon/evening is meant to be going down to Deschlers to meet up with the lovely Annabel but Bopa made me smoke a spliff with her so I couldn’t actually leave the house, so instead Annabel and later Arch came here. They were cool, and I invited them to my birthday party and she was like “oooh maybe the HJT could play” and I was like !!!! and then I giggled lots cos I have silly rock star crushes. Fuck, was I supposed to be writing present tense? I think it’s like, 5am or something, so fuck you and your grammar rules. Anyways, so there’s martinis martinis martinis and Bopha’s friends are over and they’re loud and shit so I go to my room, and KateM comes over and we drink and gossip and giggle, as girls do, for ages and ages and ages. Eventually we go down to Deschlers where we find Andy all by himself so we chat to him for quillions of years before Nigel & Jarrod show up. Razza is behind the bar, so that’s flashback to auldskool days, and the thousands of hours and cocktails and thighgropings consumed at Deschlers. Eventually we manage to grab ourselves a booth, and KateM holds me down and covers my mouth so I can’t scream when they get Andy to start smoking. And then there’s text messages and cellphone calls, and suddenly, I have Other Things To Do, with lots and lots of capital letters and a fair amount of injokeness, and I’m trekking up to K’Road by myself and by golly it’s cold. But it’s okay, because it’s wonderful and lovely, and yeah, but now I’m home again, cos you know what I’m like. But cool.

Scott, what the fuck were you doing? you were working in a cheese factory, and now you’re dead. How do I respond to that? What the fuck am I supposed to say? And I know it’s not about me, it’s about you, but I’m still here and you’re not. The last time I saw you was probably at mark’s 21st, at the end of 1998. I called you a cunt, and that’s the way I felt about you. I’m not going to take that back, even though you’re dead. But besides treating one of my best friends badly, you were a good guy. I remember how shy you were. I remember you showing me a tickle-me-Elmo you’d bought for her. I remember telling you that her favourite flowers were lilies. I remember lying on your bed having deep and meaningfuls. I remember everything, but you’re dead. And maybe I was wrong, I abused you out of turn, but I remember you abusing me out of loyalty too. SO where does that leave us? It still leaves you dead, it still leaves me alive. We were good friends, Scott, but I haven’t been close to you since you hurt one of my best friends and it would be fraudulent of me to pretend otherwise. Still, I hope that wherever you are, you’re happy, and maybe you’re at peace and you’re as nice and innnocent as you always should have been.

Rest in peace, Skeeter
xo Astrid.