Tag: you’re so entertaining


Stolen Moments

September 30th, 2009 — 8:35pm

Last time I wrote, I was planning for Martha’s new Wanda Harland opening, and now that was a couple of weeks ago. I had a tremendous amount of fun. There was the most amazing cheese in the whole wide world there (one was called “OMG Triple Cream Brie” by Over The Moon) and because I was so in love with it, I get to go to eat more of it tomorrow at a super secret cheese tasting. More details will come on YASE at some stage soon, I’m sure. It is a great space, and there are many pretty things in it that I want to buy.

After the shop opening, Karen and Megan and I went for dinner at Arashi, and then up to Hooch for a quick drink. A couple of bottles later, we’d had enough of old men from Nelson who were up for the rugby and decided to hit on us but accidently showed us picture of their wives. We really should have stopped drinking earlier though so that I could have been less hungover in preparation for the roller derby on that Saturday.

The roller derby was fucking amazing! I wrote about it on Pretty Pretty Pretty and you can also see photos of how hot I looked. Sure, the leopardskin bustier gave me bruises, but it was totally worth it. I was really happy that when I was taking photos of the girls afterwards they’d mostly all heard of PPP, and so I felt totally full of love for Wellington and the internets.

Afterwards, we went up to Hooch for a Cowboys + Indians night. There was a guy in a horse’s head! Behold!

The horse is made a million times more awesome by the guy in the background

The horse is made a million times more awesome by the guy in the background

I ran into the girl from #madbad and ended up pinning her to the bathroom wall and pashing her until one of the female bartenders came in and told us we were too drunk and she would lose her bartender’s license. I think that was somewhat of an exaggeration. But I went home and did not accept her text invitations to go up to the duck’s house. I had to get up at 9am to go to the airport to pick up Kat and Kane, after all!

The airport mission was pretty heinous but then Kat and I went into town to meet up with the Wellingtonista at Mac’s Brewery because we’d finally managed to literally organise a piss-up in one. We drank our tab we’d won at the Webstock Quiz the year before, hung out in the lovely weather, introduced new people to the delights of knowing the best people in town, and many people brought along their kids. It was thoroughly delightful to sit in the sun afterwards, eat gelato and plot starting up our own crocodile bike business.

Having Kat and Kane around always makes me feel very mellow and content and full of love. I cooked a big old lamb roast for nine people that night, and we crowded around the table stuffing ourselves, drinking red wine and having hilarious conversation. Kat did all the cleaning before and after, which I felt bad about but I didn’t want to fight her on it too much! I was really happy with the way that everything went, that it reminded me what fantastic lovely people I have in my life. Awww.

But I didn’t have too much time to reflect on it, because on Wednesday, Miss Harvestbird was in town, just in time for the RASSLIN! The rasslin’ was being filmed for TV, so it was held in a warehouse here in Newtown with tiered seating and great lighting for taking photos, but of course I didn’t get around to downloading my pics before my camera was stolen. However, the lovely Miss Fur took pics, of course, so you should check hers out. It includes this gem:

Chris DeLorean and Lazarus Volt - bum pinchers!

Chris DeLorean and Lazarus Volt - bum pinchers!

After that, it was time to go to the Watusi to listen to some lovely drunk girls read out Olsen slash fiction in bad Russian accents. It was very very entertaining. I got somewhat drunk and melancholy afterwards, which was a bit weird, given how happy I’d been previously. I got to spend the whole day in bed on Thursday though, which was a great way to unwind in preparation for the madness that was to follow.

On Friday I went to the Montana World of WearableArt, which again, you can read about on PPP. I got to go in the media room to hang out with Kowhai and Robyn and Russell Brown and Fiona from Public Address, and drink free wine and stuff my face with spicy nuts. It was a really great show, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Afterwards I went to Hooch with Kowhai to have a heart to heart, and apologise to Johnny for being snapped the week before in the bathroom making out with that girl. He just laughed.

I’d texted Smoo to see if he wanted to share a cab home from work and he told me he’d been robbed, and I was thinking he meant his restaurant, but no, it turns out that our flat was broken into, two days after the neighbours had been burgled. They took my laptop, my eeePC, my iPod, my camera, his playstation, El’s camera and iPod. Needless to say Saturday was somewhat of a blur of phonecalls with the police, talking to the police, being told that we need to be more social in our flat, crying down the phone to my mother, welcome visits from Anji and Bambi – who told me that I’d sent him a drunken email on Wednesday night asking him to tell Tingle to call me and that actually it wasn’t Tingle who tried to climb in my window. Naturally because Bambi is smart, he saw the 2am timestamp on the email and decided to wait until I was sober before he replied to it. I think I might put the math goggles thingie onto Gmail. And my lovely mother came over as well, and then Lisa came by in the evening to watch 21 Jump Street. Sure, the cops who came over were nice, and seemed to know what they were doing, but they weren’t no Johnny Depp. Le Sigh.

On Sunday I went to buy a new laptop (no, I don’t have insurance), and spent the afternoon fighting with Vista. Firefox wouldn’t install, so Chrome is totally my new lover for life now. Then a boy said he’d buy me consolation beers so we went to Hashi Ogazeke, and I bought him a beer from Invercargill that tasted like bacon. He was still there in the morning – and then the afternoon – which is something I am very very unused to, and I didn’t know how to act. Plus, I really wanted to check my email. There have been sleepovers with girls, but the last boy I woke up with would have been Good Tom, all the way back in 2004. Apparently when you have sex with married men, they go home to their wives afterwards and don’t spend the night. Who knew? And I don’t like sleeping in other people‘s beds either. Etc. Anyways. Today continued the lesson that Wellington is a very small place, and that I really do know everyone and everything about everybody.

Yesterday I went to the new bar Betty’s with the lovely Amie to try Tohu wines and find out all sorts of gossip. I will write about that sometime on YASE – the wine and venue, that is. And then I went to dinner at Thai House and Quiz Night where I got to have a good gossip with Anji, which I really do need to update. I didn’t manage to sleep at all though, so I was still awake at 11am waiting for the tsunami. I don’t know what to say about that without sounding trite. The place where Karen and I had an amazing holiday - Coconuts Resort is apparently completely destroyed as are of course many other houses and lives that I have no connection to other than, y’know, having  a heart. So I baked cupcakes for Megan instead, and now I am wondering who will get to see my amazing new dress first.

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One blue line

August 19th, 2007 — 9:33am

Things that I have been up to lately:

  • Yesterday I had a stall at Craft 2.0 at the NewDowse and I had a fantastic time. I sold my mother’s pottery, my sugar scrub and zines BOYS BOYS BOYS BOYS BOYS, 101 Stories that I want to tell you and You’re SO entertaining, my brand-spanking-new zine that’s a guide to cooking and hosting any and every social occasion. I don’t think I talked about genitals even once in the whole 36 pages, so it’s a real step forward for me. My half-table was next to the lovely Miss Kimberley, and opposite the gorgeous Sue, the fabulous Martha and the dapper Mr Tibby, so it was good people all around, especially since fellow Wellingtonistas Alan and Mike came by. I sold over $200 of Mum’s stuff, which means that my comission on that plus the few zines I sold and the couple of tubs of sugar scrub meant I made $100 for myself. Nice work. Of course I was in it more for the experience than the money. It was strange to think that total strangers would pay money for my written words and I felt the need to give things away for free instead.

  • I lost my camera at the Buena Vista Social Club bar last week on a particularly amusing night out with D&D and Lisa, which sucks cos it means I lost photos of Dave trying to lick his own nipples. Oh, and of course it means that I don’t have a camera anymore. If you have one you don’t want, please feel free to donate it to the cause.

  • Speaking of causes, today in the much amount of time I spent in bed I finally got around to reading Bitch magazine and so I signed up for a subscription. I need to make sure that I happily call myself a feminist even if I don’t know all the names and all the theories. I still believe in equality and leveling the playing field, and making the lives of other women better. I found myself crying while reading a piece about striving for perfection and being much harder on yourself than you’d be on anyone else. And on that note I must go find my meds because I don’t know if I took them yesterday and that’s really not helping matters.

  • I have been feeling funny lately. Not funny ha ha, but funny like fucked up. And this is really fucking stupid. I should explain about my work situation right now because I’m aware that I’ve been really busy lately so some of you might not know what’s going on. My work situation right now is awesome. Those aren’t ironic italic tags either. I’ve got two weeks left on a six week contract as a web advisor, and they love me. They really love me, and they want me to stay, and they’re constantly giving me so much good feedback that when I said to my manager that it was freaking me out I was only half-joking – which I hope is more of a reflection on my previous work-places rather than my performance at other times. I would kind of like to take them up and stay, but instead, I have made the brave scary decision to go with the unknown, and move to another government department where I will be investigating new technologies and advising instead. For my job interview for this role I did a ten minute presentation on how the government could use YouTube. I’m really really excited about it, but kind of terrified. I made very long pros and cons lists, even though some of the cons for my current role were really lame, like the fact that there are three Jos on my floor which means I’m always turning around to find people aren’t talking to me. The public servants of the Wellingtonista ultimately proved to be very very helpful in making my final decision, so woo woo to them.

  • I’m drifting off course here but while I’m talking about the Wellingtonista I’ll say that hurray, we won the Quiz League that I organised, and that everyone who actually bothered to show up seemed to have a really good time. The Wellingtonista certainly got a lot of gossip out of it. Tucked-in tshirts and sparkly eyes were key features of our email list conversations. And while Wednesday mornings afterwards weren’t the easiest mornings of the day, I was still able to go to work, which is another indication of how awesome my job right now is.

  • And this is the hard bit to write about, although it’s been running through my head nonstop for the past while so I might as well get it out. I am not feeling right lately. It’s like I’m premenstrual to the extreme, without the physical symptons – there are no glass boobs here. And my period is missing, I haven’t had one since May. On Thursday night after stuffing giftbags at Martha’s I went to New World and bought a pregnancy test. The older woman working the checkout gave me a look of silent judgement, because I was in a hoodie and pigtails, so obviously I was a young whore, and not a married responsible mother. But come on, lady, I was buying cat food as well, not wine! If I was going to have a baby, I’d say that was a good sign of responsibility. But it turns out I’m not going to have a baby, which is a relief, because I have done a lot of drinking since May, and I wouldn’t have the strength of character to deal with a child who had foetal alcohol syndrome. But still the PMS-crazy persists, and I’m starting to crack under pressure. I’m hating on everyone, because I feel like pretty much everyone is letting me down. People fail to realise what’s important to me, and fail to see that the things I put effort into I put a lot of effort in to. Friends realising that they can hang out with my other friends without me in the middle and shutting me out of the loop entirely is my biggest fear. Lani’s moving out which means I’m looking for a new flatmate, and that destroys what I thought was me being in control of all aspects of my life at once, for the first time in ages, now that my career is on track. I’m worried that Smoo will move out too and that I’ll have to find all new flatmates, and we won’t gel and that life will get really difficult and I’ll be banished to my room sobbing into my pretty new black & white cotton bed linen. Luckily my attractiveness as an employee means that I’ll be financially snug enough to pay the rent for a while should I have to, but I don’t want it to come to that. I’m just feeling really really alone and really abandoned by everyone, pretty much, and my way of responding to that is to shut down more and more and retreat into myself and get my hackles raised more and more and oh, it is a stupid shitty cycle which I know I can tone down with more exercise and less booze, but that takes so much more effort. Today I made myself get out of bed to go for a swim, and I had to do it step by step before I could pull back the duvet – “Sit up. Put your hair in a ponytail. Unzip your hoodie. Stand up. Reach into the drawer and pull out your swimsuit. Pull on the top. Take off your pants. Pull on the bottom. Pull on your pants. Put on your hoodie. Grab a towel. Grab a chicklit book. Grab a bag”. And of course “Drive back and grab your goggles”. The feel of water all over me was awesome, what I’d been looking for, and the cardio burst was good. Driving back I was like “yay, I’m fixed!” but it was shortlived and I crawled back into bed after my shower to sleep for the rest of the afternoon. I’m wondering if it’s the change in my meds that’s leading me to feel like this (my doctor left and the new doctor wrote me a script for oval pills, not round ones. I know one’s the generic and one’s not, but I don’t know which) but mostly I just will continue to hope and pray that I get my bleed soon, and sort out my life. Because seriously, this disgruntlement with everyone is not cool,a nd I’m just terrified that it’ll continue and bleh, evil bad cycle. Why would people care about me if all I really want to do is punch them? But that said, people who’ve really impressed me this weekend are Dyl and Dave who came out to Craft2.0 all the way in the Hutt and they’re not really craft people, so they did it for me and that makes me super happy.

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    The Chocolate Weekend

    April 10th, 2007 — 9:25am

  • My conversation with Smoo on Sunday morning when I got up (okay, it was actually 5pm, rather than the morning):
    Me: Smoo, will you provide me with an alibi if I go next door and rip off the heads of the children who have been screaming ALL FUCKING DAY stupidhoppeduponchocolatefuckheadsihatesthem?
    Smoo: I was going to ask you the same thing. Fuck they’re so annoying, and I’m not even hungover!
    Me: what makes you think I’m hungover?
    Smoo: I fucking hope you are, cos you look like fucking shit.
    Hehehe.

  • My proudest achievement last week was making my counsellor cry. It was actually because I described the otter video that made me cry, but still! I <3 her lots and lots because last week when I was having somewhat of a breakdown (yes, again), she said that instead of always thinking about what I should be doing (even in regards to doing Healthful Things like the gym or writing creatively), perhaps I could just picture myself as a cat, and chase a bit of string if it comes along, or eat and sleep. Needless to say I spent most of Easter napping in sunny patches and licking my genitals.

  • The Wellingtonista Bowling League is a go, and I would really like it if you’d enter a team. Please. Our first night is April 24.

  • I had last Thursday off after playing the stupid-girlfriend-holding-her-boyfriend-as-emotional-hostage card at work and so I spent most of the day at my parents’ house as they were away, and our washing machine was broken. I did some loads, and also started my new zine called You’re so Entertaining. It’s going to be completely different from 101 Stories that I want to tell you and BOYS BOYS BOYS BOYS BOYS in that it’s mostly a collection of recipes. Speaking of BOYS, can someone PLEASE send me a copy of it, or send me their original so I can photocopy it? I don’t have a copy and I’ll like to start re-reproducing it. I’ll reward you with goodies if you send it down to me.

  • I am in love with magazines right now, but only the good ones. I bought a subscription to Bust because I find it so inspiring, and i’ve been seeking out Jane, Frankie, and, as usual, Q. In my head I mentally tax deduct these as business expenses. This may be part of the reason that my financial state is so dire. Well, that and the crack addiction. And $85 a week counselling. And drunken Saturdays at Frindigo wandering around on the balconey by myself while boys tried to chat up Karen, wishing that I could erase phone numbers from my head because they are not relevant anymore. And cooking flat dinners on Mondays, as well as providing almost all the wine. Still, at least Lani cooked this week.

  • Speaking of Lani, she’s off to Canadia tomorrow for two weeks for work. I’m madly jealous and I’m going to miss her lots. I went and sat on her floor cross-legged on Monday to catch her up on all my silly gossip, and that was fun. Her partner Shayne was down for the weekend, which was rad cos he’s a very nice guy (he held open a gate for me! what a gentleman!) and things that make her happy make me happy.

  • On Sunday night, having risen at 5pm, boiled potatoes, watched The Gilmore Girls (I’m really not sure how to feel about them getting married!) and made Papas Garbanzo, I headed to Karen’s house for a dinner party with her and her flatmates and a couple of their friends. Every dish had cheese in it – the salad, the papas, the risotto, the canneloni and the eggplant bake. Cheese is good. I invited everyone to Country Club: Brazil (which is this Saturday and I’m sure you’re coming, right?) and we talked at length about country clubs, and I said how the next one will be a Cluedo-themed English Country Party, and one of the guys was like “oh I can make the best mix tape for that, and I have the perfect suit to wear” and I was like “that’s the perfect attitude!”.

  • At some stage I went to the preview of 300, and I apologise to everyone else who was there if the fact that I was laughing uproariously the whole way through was putting you off the abs porn, but seriously? Gayer than the gayest gay porn I have ever seen. And incredibly historically inaccurate to boot. And the dialogue was lifted pretty much straight from Team America, right down to the inclusion of a “Freedom isn’t free!” line.

  • I am so fond of Bart and Smoo right now. I’ve decided that I hope Bart never shaves off his moustache, because I like the compliments, and I like that Smoo’s been home lately to listen to me talk shit, and watch TV with me. Hurrah.

  • There is a pot of feijoada simmering on the stove right now for Saturday. I have to clean the house before KateH and Shirley arrive. Tonight I must deal with the repairman who is coming for the washing machine again. I tried to get Smoo to do it but apparetnly the man was only available when Smoo was out. This means more racist rambling diatribes. My counsellor uses the same man. That makes me laugh.

  • I think that’s all I have to say (*).

  • Oh and! My citalapram increase has kicked in, and holy crap it feels good. The sparkle is back in my eye again, which makes me more approachable, which makes me more confident, which makes me more approachable, etc. I know right now is the euphoria which is only temporary, but wow, the feeling today as I showered at the gym that I’d neglected for two weeks after a sprint was like I’d had a thousand orgasms that I didn’t have to work for. Well okay, every part of my body was sore, except for my wrists, which is very unusual for orgasms. Heh. But still. A lot of people worry about losing a part of themselves if they go on meds, but this is the way I am supposed to be.

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