Hubris

Sunday, February 6th, 2000

All together now, everyone say it with me – “Joanna is a big dork.” Oh yes, gosh, I am such a classy wee lass. Man, I’m so proud of the way I behave lately. Brilliant. Absolutely stunning.

Yesterday I went to Amy’s 21st. It was held at her place out in Horokiwi, which is miles and miles away. Simon was lovely and drove me. Back in 1997, I got very very sick drinking bubbly at her house, and had one hell of a bad night. I should have learnt from that experiance. But I didn’t. It wasn’t just any bubbly, either. It was Bernadino, the cheapest, nastiest thing in the world. Apparently, Amy and Charlotte just really like it, so it was being served. Of course, there was half a bottle of Lindaur that I drank during the speeches alone, which probably didn’t help, either.

There were big tarpaulin things draped around their garage and front porch areas, and lots of chairs put out, and a big hired jukebox that had some decent music in it, and a lot of crap. Simon wouldn’t dance though, so we just sat in a corner, talking and drinking (well, he wasn’t). It was cool to catch up with him and stuff. I miss him – in some ways, I really wish that he hadn’t moved out, although at the same time that move did open up a whole new window for me. I also talked to Charlotte lots too. She and I used to be quite close on the Internet, but she pissed me off when she stayed with me (I don’t know what it is, I guess I just need too much space, cos almost everyone that has ever stayed with me has pissed me off, for almost no reason), and we sort of drifted apart when I made no effort to stay in touch. But we were bonding again last night in that way that alcohol just brings people together. We went on a Coverage Mission together, to try and find a place that I could send text messages from.

They had caterers constantly passing around food, who were very quick to pick up on the fact that Simon was a vegetarian. They were also nice enough to tell us what the food was, which was kinda helpyful cos it was dark, and we were all quite drunk and stuff. It was just weird though, the whole caterer thing, because the serving girls were around my age, and I felt like I should offer to help. There’s that whole diplomatic hostess thing bred into me. I like to serve.

Lots of the old people there were wearing boat shoes. They probably drove Pajs too. I would never have a large 21st like that with people I didn’t know/like. Then again, I won’t really have to worry cos we’re not close to our relies, and my parents don’t really have any friends anyways. I do, however, want people to make speeches about me. I think that’d be cool. I said a few words on behalf of Amy’s Internet/Imaginary friends, and spoke about how she stalked me and I escaped out the bathroom window. I’m not sure how much sense it made, actually. Apparently it was okay, just a bit slurred. All I was thinking about was how much I needed to pee.

Eventually we came to leave, although I don’t remember saying goodbye to Amy or her mother. I hope I did. I remember Andee and Charlotte were in the car too, and I was like “what the fuck?” cos that meant Si would have to go back after dropping me off, and it wasn’t on the way to Waikane. But I dunno what their master plan was. The drive seemed to go pretty quickly, but I guess that’s partly cos Si does drive fast, and cos I wasn’t exactly in the best of states anyways. I was sad and scared and too drunk, and very emotional, and stuff. Walking up the path to my front door, I fell, flat on my face, I think. I don’t think it really registered. I was just sort of lying there, telling who ever it was with my keys that the purple one was the one to the front door. They all came in, and I gave Andee her tapes, and Si his network card, and they used the bathroom and stuff, then they went.

Once they were gone, I went in to say hi to my parents, and grabbed the cordless phone from their room, before going online. That’s when the phone calls began. I remember telling Brad “Don’t let him tell you he’s asleep, cos he’s not. I want to talk to him NOW”. And then there were awful messages I left on cellphone answering services, going “I don’t want to break up, I don’t want to break up”. I’m a fucking loser. Such a hideous drunk. Eventually I managed to bully Kini into accepting a phone call from me, and then I bawled at her cos my knee was skimmed and no one cared. Yes, I am the five year old girl. I managed to smear chocolate all over my bed (don’t try eating melted kitkats when you’re drunk and emotional) where we talked for ages, and I got into fits of hysterics laughing, and discovering she knew something I didn’t think she knew and yeah just stuff. Kini rocks my world.

In fact, all my friends do. I mean, they put up with me when I do stupid things like drink too much and fall over and just generally behave badly. They handle me calling in the middle of the night being stupid and stuff, and I don’t even get told off too much for it. I know I’m an amatuer dramatic, and I apologise. So yeah, thanks kids, for being my friends and being there for me even though I’m a BIG DORK. I love you all heaps, and really appreciate it.

This morning I woke up feeling very very ill, unsuprisingly. The one good thing about being hungover is just how nice the first drink of water is, you know? I stuck a note to my door telling my parents I wasn’t going to go to Oma’s with them, and crawled back in bed. Later I heard my parents speculating on how I had someone in my bed as they left the house, so I opened up my blinds to show them that was not the case.

Honestly, I mean, what were they thinking?