Bubble Juice

The Adventures of Moo-ka-chu, Jigglypuff and Lemon

I was still sitting in the kitchen eating breakfast at 8.50am on Tuesday the 13th of July, 1999. From my vantage point, and with our excellently large windows, I was able to see a red car drive up the street, stopping outside my letterbox to toot manically. Kate was early. She was supposed to be there at 9, so I was expecting her at 10. But she knew that I would think that, so she deliberatly set out to foil my crafty plans. Bitch! But basically, that just meant she had coffee with my mother while I sorted the rest of my shit out. So by 9.30, after me running back up to get my jersey, we were on our way.

Our first stop was a haberdashery (fuck that’s a cool word, even if I misspelt it) shop in Waikanae, to get directions to Simon’s street. He’s moved, you see. I went in, and the ladies were very nice and wrote me out step by step instructions on exactly how to get there. Bless their buttons. And thread. And needles. We got to Simon’s house, and because it was just after 10, we knew that he would still be asleep. So we decided to take Moo-ka-chu, my cow, and take photographs around his house, just to spook him out when we showed them to him later. At first we were just going to pose the cow in the letterbox, but then we decided that since we’d never been to that house of his before, we’d have a bit of an explore. The fence on one side was really really high, so we decided not to scale it. On the other side, however, was a small gate, which Kate climbed over, and I managed to open. So we were in.

I knew Si’s parents wouldn’t be home, but I forgot about their ferocious guarddog. However, I am very persuasive to animals and humans alike, and subdued the wild beast easily. (Just a quick IRC joke – “Twiggy was licking me and sniffing my crotch today”). We discovered that out the back of the house there was a treefort, so we were going to take photographs in that, only Kate had to go and peek in the house windows (I managed to talk her out of climbing in one of them) and she woke up Simon by knocking on his window. So out he came in his boxer shorts, and was quite suprised to find us standing on his back lawn laughing. But then he put on some pants while I tried to take photos of Kate. My camera was playing silly buggers. Simon gave us a tour of his house, and some cashew nuts, while Kate stole a Lemon from his bowl. I went back to get something – I don’t remember what, and when I got back to the car, I found Kate writing a note saying “I have stolen one of your pokemons and you won’t see it until you get back to Auckland”. I gave the note to Simon, with instructions not to read it until we were well gone. So then we were off again, giggling maniacally at the theft of JigglyPuff.

Outside of Levin, Kate pulled up along side the road to shed a layer or two. I dared her to get out of the car and strip beside the road, but she wouldn’t. In kind, she dared me to stand out of her sunroof and flash the next person that drove past. I don’t think the truck driver saw anything. Quite apart from the fact that they would have been driving too fast and would doubtfully have been paying attention to me, I was wearing a tshirt under my shirt. But don’t tell Kate that, okay?

Driving along, listening to Madonna (as you do) somewhere near Bulls, Kate decided to tell me that I make a little slurpy noise when I talk, at the end of every sentence unless I’m saying something funny. That coupled with a conversation we had earlier, and she decided that I should set up a phone sex line. My cheeks hurt from laughing so much as she slurrped along to “Crazy for You” but eventually I had to stop talking to her, because she was being mean. As a example, later on we were talking about eating the Lemon and I said that she was so sweet if she ate it there’d just be like an explosion in her mouth, and she was like “well, you’d know all about that one, wouldn’t you?” Bitch. No one called for that.

In Hunterville we stopped by the sheep statues, and arranged our toys on top to take photos. Jigglypuff, Lemon and Moo-ka-chu looked very cosy together. But then while I struggled with my camera, they blew away. Lemon even rolled to the other side of the street. I don’t understand why it would want to leave us. Even if we did shut it in the glovebox.

Lunch was in Taihape at the Brown Sugar Cafe. In a deliberatly very loud voice, she said something about my flashing the truckdriver. Grr. Hahah. We didn’t take any photos or momentos from Taihape. It didn’t seem worth it. We toyed with the idea of finding a gumboot, but that just seemed too cliched.

Half way along the Desert Road, on the nice flat straight bit, we pulled over, took the toys, and my bubble stuff, and went for a bit of a wander through the tussock. We found a nice spot overlooking a large puddley river, and had a smoke. Mmmm. That was very nice, cos I hadn’t had drugs in like nearly three weeks. Which is, no doubt, healthy, but not quite so much fun. And we took photos of the toys in a Lemon Tree. Because we rock like that.

I put my tiara on as soon as we got back to the car, because it seemed appropriate. The sunlight sparkled off it all over the car, and I was turned into a discoball. Plus we were singing along to Cat Stevens, and I was blowing bubbles. It was lovely. When we were stopped by a roadworker with a stop sign, I rolled down my window, smiled sweetly, and blew bubbles at them. I think they were impressed. Kate said I looked like a princess and had probably just made their day, which made her day. So I forgave her for all the nasty jokes she had been making at my expense.

We took Lemon down to Lake Taupo cos I wanted some photos of it bobbing around. When it didn’t bob properly, we placed it on the icky-cool spongy seaweed instead. Maybe I should call it pondweed due to the lack of sea. But either way, you know what I mean. I could say Algae, but that’d just remind me of Algebra and sixth grade maths with Ms Allen. I also took a photo of Kate perched on a rock, pretending to be a mermaid, brandishing Lemon. Or flourishing Lemon, even – I didn’t decide which was better.

We stopped for coffee and more foodage in Taupo, at the Hobbler again. Again, we drew up a magnificant picture of our travels so far in crayon. There’s nothing like doing a bit of artwork to make one go all giggly. The eftpos machine there is incased in a rubber chicken. Which is fairly bizzare. We photographed Jigglypuff sitting on top of the waterjug in the cafe as a momento. We knew Moo-ka-chu would be sad that she wasn’t getting the same individual attention as the other two, but I wanted to wait till we got to the Waikato to photograph her, so that she’d be in DairyLand. Still, I tried to make it up to her, lifting her up to see other cows we passed, and making the appropriate noises.

It took us aaaaages to find another place to stop for a sesh, but eventually we followed a little side road down into a pine forest. So we got out, took the toys and cameras, and tried to wander into the woods a little bit. The ground was deceptively covered in pine needles. I ended up plunging into a hole up to my knee. Ouch. It hurt. But it was still very funny. Later we put the toys in the said hole for photos. I also took photos of Kate doing her best bunny rabbit in the forest impersonations. The pot made me cough lots and lots and since I’d just eaten as well, it made me feel kinda ill. I went off and hacked over a few bushes for a while, but luckily, I didn’t throw up. Our other photos were of the toys all crossing the road in a line. It was such a great shot, I hope it comes out okay.

That was pretty much the last time we stopped. After all, we had cookies Momma had baked for me, and water – what else did we need? Apart from a few toilet stops here and there, of course. We went down State Highway 27 & 2 instead of going through Hamilton. A couple of times, we had moments of “shit, where the fuck are we?” but we were always on track. It got dark pretty quickly, and I got tired too. I would have liked to have curled up in my seat and slept, but that wouldn’t have been fair to Kate, who was doing all the driving. So I put on the Spice Girls to invigorate us, and it worked too.

Passing through South Auckland, as landmarks started to become more familiar, we both got really excited and felt like we were coming home. I think I like Auckland more than I let on. This is where I belong now. This is where my life is. I guess having Kate, who I’ve known for 14 years, here too makes it that much more comfortable.

photos will come later

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