pr0n

Friday, November 12th 1999

Another exam today. On the way in, I picked up my photos from the store and you can see them here and here. So that was cool.

The exam itself wasn’t too bad eiter. I got to write an essay on why we don’t need a youth radio network, which meant that I got to drop in True Bliss. I wrote an essay on media creating crime panics (“New Zealand’s First Ectasy Death” as opposed to “New Zealand’s 20,000th Alcohol Death”) and an essay on ummmm how journalists can’t be objective in war time. I liked my essays, I think. Very soap boxy. I’d better remember to get my papers back, so I can transcribe them for you all. I want my digi com final assignment back – Hoar must have been looking at it yesterday, cos I got a referring link from AIT’s intranet.

I left the exam at least half an hour early, and headed home to start drinking. Heh. After dinner, we decided to rent a porn video, as a flat bonding experiance. Of course, once we got into the actual store, Si wouldn’t come into the Adult Room with us. So instead I walked in with just Clay and Brad. Noooo, nothing dodgy about that picture at all. The skanky old man in there and the skanky young man both looked a little put out when we started laughing at movie titles. Brad was after a film with plot, so I vetoed Anal Encounters 4 . Clayton wanted a movie with a title that was a takeoff of something else, and all I wanted was chicks with big ugly hair, so we decided that Patriot Dames would suit everyone. We also got Prom Night from the horror section, just to add a little contrast. Then it was off to the supermarkt for treats, and back home to numerous answering machine messages from Shirley and co, laughing at our answering message. Shirley eventually came over, and we settled down to watch the movie.

And gosh, what a great plot it had!!! After enduring minutes of pro-1st Amendment propaganda on a background of American flags, things finally got down to action. The movie was about four American wives celebrating the 4th of July together, because their CIA husbands were away in Burma. Marcia, the hostess, missed her husband especially. A telegram arrived for her, but she was too upset to remember to tip the delivery boy. Instead, one of her friends took him in the house, to give him his ‘tip’. Golly, what a talker she was! Such gem dialogue has now become part of our vocabularies. “Park it in my garage, baby!” and “oh ram me, you big stud” are our favourite lines, but I also enjoy “Oh I want your hot come all over my tits”. Should I discuss the whole plot of the movie? Do you really need to hear it? Well, a pizza delivery boy showed up too after everything on the barbeque got burnt while the girls were off bonding. Telegram Boy got asked for his prime american beef, since there was such a meat shortage. Delivery Boy was asked “So is this what they teach you delivery boys?” He had a bit of a slippage problem, but was no doubt feeling slightly inadequate next to Telegram Boy. Marcia had the most errect standing out nipples I have ever seen. Anyways, to cut a long story (that was strangely filled with explict sex – go figure) short, it turns out the Boys were just Russian spies – “we were pumping you for information” !!! But it was okay, because Marcia’s husband Walter came home, and it turns out they weren’t in Burma after all. Phew, just as well she didn’t cheat on him – except with chicks.

The only porn movies I’ve seen before were in Japan, and there they have to fuzz out (yes, pun) all pubic bits, and I was much much younger then. I think I must say now that Patriot Dames was quite possibly the least sexy thing I have even seen. I’m really not sure how the sight of someone’s wrinkly testicles bouncing all over the place can be considered arousing. And as for the white vinyl stilleto shoes – shocking. It’s funny how things are all very good and well in real life, but you just DON’T want to be seeing other people doing them. How tacky.

Being a bunch of TV orientated people, we spent a lot of the time discussing camera angles, atmos, cutting and continuity, which maybe underwrote the whole experiance, but still. However, it was a great laugh, so I think that’s all that really matters, isn’t it?

As an end note, it’s like 3 days later and we haven’t returned the video yet, and I think it was only supposed to be out overnight. I have overdue porn on my account. I’m happy! My mother’s impressed too

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