Hubris

Wednesday March 29th, 2000

I’m feeling kinda soapboxy today, so if you don’t want to know too many intimate details about feminine hygeine and related issues, click here to scroll down to a happier place. Otherwise, you’ve been warned.

If I had sex right now, we’d have to use condoms. I mean, I would have used them anyways, being outside of a relationship, but I’m off the pill now. This is a good thing. When I went on it, I wanted contraception, but I also wanted to regulate and preferably stop my periods. This didn’t happen – I started getting them like every two weeks. I hate having my period, I mean I really really hate it. Because I’ve always been kinda irregular, I’m never too sure when I’m going to get it, which means that I end up crying a day beforehand, and I can never figure it out. And then a day later or so I get a tummy pain, go to the bathroom, and go “ooooooh yeah”. Fucking grrr. I get bad cramps and don’t wanna leave my bed and just lie around bleeding. Ick. If it didn’t fuck with my mind, it’d be okay, but I cry at the drop of a hat when I’ve got my period. That’s taxing for me, and for the people around me, especially for the boy who’s left wondering what the fuck my problem is this time. The other day – monday i guess it was, I just bawled my eyes out because I had cramps, and because I was just tired of being a girl. And that’s wrong. Being on Femulen just accentuated all my period problems, AND made them occur more frequently.

But I stayed on it, being determined to try it for at least three months to let everything settle down and stuff. Anji sent me abusive emails telling me not to stop using condoms, but it’s not like I was having sex very frequently anyways. When I started on the pill, I knew that one of the side effects could potentially be a decrease in sex drive, and at the time, I thought that could be a good thing, since well yeah – it takes two to tango. But that’s just wrong, I think, being on something that changes your sex drive artificially. It feels weird when I’m just not inspired when by myself, and not really as ready when I’m not alone. But now I’m off the pill, hopefully it’ll come back. There’s a lot of bad shit associated with the pill, eh. I mean, I’m all for birth control, but I never realised it’d be this bad – especially not cos I was on the mini pill. But so many people seem to have bad experiances with it. Anji reckons that being on the pill made her psycho, Anushka said Femulen was the tool of Satan – although I don’t know what she meant exactly, and Helena wrote a whole spiel about it. So yeah, I don’t think I’ll be going back on, although it took the frequent headaches to make me stop. Maybe it was just me being too optomistic. I thought being grown up and responsible meant taking action to make sure you didn’t get pregnant, but now with the benefit of hindsight, being grown up and responsible should also mean you take care of yourself. I’m eagerly anticipating a return in mental health, and less periods, just as soon as all the femulen has worked its way out of my body.

So yeah, onto other things. Hmm, what else have I been up to? Oh yeah, I made this:

It’s my first assignment in Graphics & Design, and worth 15%. In case you’re wondering, it’s the cover for my Multimedia Production assignment – a cd-rom about my flat. I got 15/15 for my framework for that, so I’m off to a good start this year. If only I could somehow think about Mass Com.

Today I had this really yummy salad for lunch at Zarbo’s in Newmarket. It was this kind of pasta that looks like huge grains of rice – I think it’s called Oizo, but I’m not entirely sure. Anyways, the salad also had feta and sundried tomatoes and red onion and flat parsley in it, and it was soooo good. I just wish it’d been hot, cos I don’t really dig on cold pasta. But that’s cool, cos I wasn’t paying anyways, which always makes lunch that much better.

I watched “Pump Up the Volume” and it was lame. But it was an interesting prequel to the whole craccum suicide thing though.

My neck hurts again. I really must get Clayton drunk again and take advantage again. He gave me a massage last time that alleviated the pain for a bit. I think I should also get a new desk. I want a corner one like Thomas has.

Gollygosh, it’s nearly April. Wow, time flies. It feels just like last April, only kinda different.