23 May, 2002

So, this is what’s up with me this week:

  • Clay had a big bitch at me on Monday because our landlord had complained to him about how messy our house was. Clay took it very personally because she thinks it’s all his mess and told him how much she likes me but doesn’t think he deserves new carpet. Therefore Clay took it out on me. If he’d yelled, that would have probably been okay, but he’s got this pathetic passive-aggressive sort of backhanded system of remarks and it really makes him sound like a feeble old man, and it’s just grrrrrr. Plus, I hate his morally superior attitude and I’m really getting to the point where I think it might be better for both of us if he moved in with Kara. We’re still clinging to how cool it was flatting together three years ago, and that’s super lame.
  • Also on Monday, I found out that I got the job I’d applied for the week before which I really really wanted, so I was stoked to get it. The trouble with me is that when really good things happen to me, I always feel like there should be more of a song and dance about it – champange corks popping, bouquets everywhere and someone presenting me with a huge novelty cheque, if you know what I mean. And that never happens, but I still keep wanting it to happen. So I always get let down. Instead I took Clay out to lunch, mostly to shut him up, but kinda defeated the purpose.
  • In general, all of my friends are really really really busy right now, all at once, and so I don’t really get to see any of them. Shirley’s gone, KateB’s back in Welly and i miss everyone. The other thing that bugs me is that I’m two years behind everyone, careerwise. Everyone’s getting promotions, pay rises or winning awards and while that’s so so so cool for them, and I’m so proud of all my friends, it just reminds me that there’s no way I can catch up and it makes me feel really ummm inadequate? That’s not the word I’m looking for, but it’ll do.
  • I don’t feel like I have my own house anymore. Bopha’s friend Emma is STILL staying with us, and while she’s lovely, it’s an extra person cutting in to my space. Her car is always parking my car in, so when she’s asleep I can’t take it out, she sleeps in the lounge so I can’t watch TV when she’s asleep, and at other times she’s always talking when I really want some peace. Little things that shouldn’t bug me but really do, you know? Like the fact that she seems to have appropriated my blue hoody and I don’t know how to ask for it back. The good thing about Ben was that he wasn’t home most nights, which gave me the chance to blob when I was mentally exhausted and needed to do it, rather than having to listen to someone else talk about their problems. That sounds really selfish, and it is, I’ve been very selfish this week but I’ve just needed to be. And yeah, when I’ve wanted to go out, I’ve had no where to go.
  • What else? Just the general feeling that people have no time for me, I guess, me throwing tempertantrums. ANd the huuuuuuuuuuuge stress of the seminar I did yesterday. It actually went really well eventually – at first I was just reading it and stumbling a lot, but then I got into the swing of things and it ended up going on for almost an hour, rather than a half, because there was so much class discussion. In fact, at the end Rosemary said it was one of the best class discussions we’d ever had, so that was cool. Yay me.
  • I started work today, and it was good. Cool. And I get to relax a little now my seminar’s over and all. Phew. I so need a weekend’o debuchary to shake out the cobwebs and get rid of the residual stress and frustration. I think I need to shoot smack, or smoke crack, or at the very least get some casual sex of the kind where you get to turn off your brain completely for an hour, even if all your friends are very disapproving. But having said that, what’s the bet that I’ll just stay home and sleep?
  • And also, there are no loose cables inside my box and still I can’t hear .cda’s. Any suggestions? And also, suggestions on how to get a very painful sliver of glass or plastic out of my heel would be gratefully accepted. Soaking it and trying to get it with tweezers doesn’t work.
    don’t hyperventilate based on the date, and don’t touch your scars again.
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