Wrapped in Boganvillia

What the fuck is it with me and bogans? Why are the only men that pay any attention to me lately all such knobs? Ahhhhh well. So tonight I had nothing better to do, so I took the car into town, and went to visit Anji at Axolotl. I had a yummy banana dessert thing (personal favourite of Steve from Breathe) and hung out, talking to the staff for a while. Kirsten thanked me for the flowers I’d dropped off for her on friday since I’d seen her in town looking really really sad. And I caught Anji up on some of the stories from my trip to Hamilton. Crazy Steph and another waitress called Siobhan (sp?) came in to take Anji away to Brava, and they invited me to go with them, so I did – yes, I’m easy. There we met up with two more smacksalotl waitresses called Louise and Sarah, and they all sat around drinking lots of red wine. Anji was on antibiotics, and I was driving, so we didn’t – but I did have some nice OJ. Louise is from Kent, and Steph is from Essex, and they knew each other vaguely back in England, and it was fucking funny to listen to them blabber away about shags and stuff. English accents are SO funky. Louise talks just like Posh Spice, while Steph sounds like this chick Alison Templeton I knew in school.

Annnnyways, back to the plot. Siobhan had met this guy she knew on the street called Mike, and he showed up a little later with his friend, who was called Nick (I have a good ear for details sometimes). They had such bogan voices, man! The friend was so drunk he could hardly talk. So Siobhan sat in the corner talking to Mike, trying to hook into him, and then this lady who was sitting at the table next to us came over, and asked if she could hang with us. Being gregarious waitresses (apart from me, and I’m a Communications Student/freak magnet so that goes without saying) everyone agreed, so she sat down and started yapping away. Turns out she’s the manager for David Strausman (or something like that) this touring comedy velintriloquist guy. She gave everyone who wasn’t working tickets for his opening night – YAY. So I got two. Faaaaantastic stuff. It was so cool. Anji, Sarah, Siobahn and Mike went outside for a session, and so the rest of us moved in closer. The lady – Carroll, I think her name was, was going on about how drugs just fuck up your mind, and Steph told us about how she’d had her drink spiked with Ecstacy before (back in England, honey, where it’s only two pounds). I just sort of sat there saying nothing, smiling and nodding. Carroll started playing with the sleeve of my dress, saying she loved the material – I was like “It’s polyester”. She was like, kinda weird, so I was relieved when she moved around the table to talk to Nick, who was making grunting noises. However, when everyone else came back, she got bored of Nick, so she slid past him to sit next to me on the seat running along the wall. Anji was sitting on the other side of me, and her and Caroll talked for a bit, behind my back. Next thing I know, Carroll’s got her arm around me, and she’s playing with my hair, and it was fully creeping me out. Like, it shouldn’t have been any different from a guy doing that, but it was. I didn’t know if she was just like, being friendly because she was drunk, or what. Nick started talking to me then, and Anji said something about me being an actor. Seeing an opportunity for fun, I told him that I had a part on Shortland Street coming up, a six month role with an option of having that time extended out. Carroll said something about all the actors on it, so I told her I was lying – I’m not sure she understood. But it didn’t matter, cos she moved to the other end of the table anyways, muttering something about her bag. I must be the champion of smiling and nodding. All of Mum’s Japanese friends thought I spoke perfect Japanese, because I faked it, just going ‘ah so desuka?” and “hai, hai” at appropriate times.

Anji was pissing herself meantime at me telling Nick all about my role on SS. She was like “how can you keep a straight face?” so I told her it just comes naturally. Then she was apologising to me for leaving me to talk to him, “except that you’re probably really enjoying yourself, since you’re so good at arguing”. I took that as inspiration, and launched into a spiel about how Shortland Street is working for the good of the nation, how the writers influence us for the better, and what a good vessel it is for issues – fully fully taking the piss. Nick took me seriously, and launched into a slurred counter-attack. He went off on so many tangents, man! Before I knew it, we were arguing away about the third world. I contradicted myself so many times, something he didn’t pick up on, because I was just winding him up – I didn’t give a shit about the topic. He had no logical order, and I went to great lengths to point that out, but he just had selective hearing. I kept looking over his shoulder at Louise and Anji, who were in hysterics. After about half an hour of crap, I was still going strong, but then I decided I was bored, and wanted to go home, so I fished out my keys and wallet and stood up. Anji told me her friends all thought I was cool, for dealing with the bogan like that – YAY! I like being told I’m cool. I shook his hand before I left. If he hadn’t been drunk, he might have actually made some valid points.

Anji was like “do you want me to walk you to the van?”. I didn’t, of course. I guess that’s my one weak point, the fact that I’m not afraid. I just don’t care, I want to be finished. I dunno. It’s fucked. Also I get off on the adrenaline that a slight tingling of fear gives. Flying into Wellington Airport turns me on when I think I’m going to drown.

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