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Friday 26; March, 1999

“Bought a leetle treat for Joanna because she hasn’t been her usual chirpy self lately. ” – Kini’s journal yesterday

“I’ve never seen you so happy” – Shirley, last week
So you be the judge. I’m hoping that the main reason I’m so down right now is that it’s coming up on the first of the month, and while I don’t have regular periods, I do have regular PMS. Friends rock, apart from when they make you cry and stress out without meaning to. Because that’s what happened to me yesterday, and I’m still down over it.

I know she’ll read this, and it’s really stink of me to not have said it to her in private. I know she cares about me, and is worried about me, but her opinions make me really sad. It just seems like she doesn’t realise what a big deal it is to me, and I don’t know what she’s basing her assessments on and everything.

So no one wants to see me hurt, and I get that, and I appreciate that. But I just can’t talk to her about it now, and that’s really sad. I love her and I miss her, but until I’m convinced she’s right I’m going to have to avoid a particular topic with her.

I’m sorry I’m so selfish and inconsiderate.

I dreamt this morning that my sister Karen ran away from Christmas dinner because she didn’t want to give blood. I hate that she has this death sentence hanging over her. I miss her so much and I’m so worried I’m going to lose her soon.

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