Saturday 22th May 1999

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Who the HELL puts mayonaise in a cheeseburger????? Some fucked up person at Greenlane Macdonalds, I guess. I took it back and they gave me a new one. That was last night. Before almost two bottles of wine. Jesus, it’s no wonder I had such messed up dreams, after just drinking with Simon and watching “The Big Hit” and “Stella does tricks”.

Shirley asked me tonight while I was sick on the ground who the father of my baby was, and I wasn’t able to tell her.

I was in a cluster of rocks for about half an hour, breathing hard, feeling scared, waiting to be found. I had a blanket but it didn’t keep me very warm. I was concerned for Josie, who’d stopped breathing. She just lay in my arms, her skin was all cold and she wasn’t breathing. I lost all track of time and couldn’t feel my legs or my hands and I was so afraid until I saw lights around the other side of the lake. I could hear them searching, so I called out, but no one heard me, at least not for ages. I called out that I was by the boat, and then two of them were there, peering over it at me. They asked me what was wrong and all I could tell was that I was cold. They tried to take Josie off me, and eventually I had to give her to them, so they could perform CPR. I was so worried and scared for her, but then the girl wrapped me in another blanket and led me off. I stumbled through the dark with her. They gave Josie CPR while carrying her. Fifteen minutes after getting back to the base, they gave her back to me, breathing again. I was so relieved. They’d diagnosed me with Hypothermia, but they didn’t do any secondary checks on me.

Last time I ever let Shirley plan my Saturday nights for me.

Woah, it’s been like a month since Placebo. My, doesn’t time fly when you’re um having fun?