— Joanna’s Adventures In Seedney Town (as transcribed on scrap paper) —
I got woken up by a cautious knock on my door. “Come in!” I cried, and Kini did, laughing at me, going “oh god” although I’m not entirely sure why. I told her that her bed made me feel like I was in a harem, and she laughed at me some more. Then I checked my email and wrote to Olivia while she made me coffee and breakfast, like the good bitch she is. I haven’t had a toasted bagel in years, mate!
Their shower was really really big, like seventies-porn-flick-lots-of-girls-in-one-tiled shower big. There was so much water pressure it almost hurt. Family homes rock, except I couldn’t find any toothpaste in their stylishly arranged soap flanked basin. That’s okay though, cos I couldn’t find my toothbrush either. Ewww, I’m icky. But I wore my purple skirt, which apparently was the topic of much emailage between Olivia and Kini. And also Kini and some stranger. Apparently, she’s going to steal it off me. Sure , any excuse to get me out of my clothes.
Anyways, once I was finally ready (it took me ages cos I needed to look good for Olivia, after all), we drove off to the train station. Kini laughed at me lots cos I got all excited by trains with upstairs and downstairs and by all the fleets of trucks we passed by. But hey, small things amuse small minds . Foreign stuff is cool. We passed by lots of Ramsey Streets, and also Kini’s agricultural college. But eventually we got into town. I restrained myself from taking photos of the Opera House & Bridge. We went into Kini’s office cos she’s a workaholic, and also she wanted to check her email like the junkie she is. So I got to meet the receptionists, and also her friend Tracey. Tracey is in love with her dentist, so I offered to chip her teeth for her so she’d have an excuse to see him again, but she declined. Apparently, that was too extreme.
So it was off to Grace Bros so that I could buy a poppy lipstick. But instead, I bought some silver Napolean eyeshadow. Then Kini tortured me very cruelly, like worse than playing Garth Brooks. She took me to a place called Emporio Shoes – four floors of luscious shoes shoes shoes, so I picked up a pair I wanted badly, and they were like “oh – we only carry up to size 10”. So I was feeling mean and desperate, so I tried on a size 10 anyways, knowing full well how hot and sweaty and yucky my feet were. Ha! Take THAT Emporio Woman! We went to some other shoe store, that specialised in people with big feet, but they were total grandma shoes. Stinkies!
So yes, I was devestated. We took a cab up to Newton, and the driver was all hidden behind a big perspects barrier. Coward! Many op shops later, I bought a pair of Levis for $60, new. They’re not flares, but they are that cool dark grey-y blue, so I guess they’ll do. . I was silly and tried the jeans on right after lunch – mmm butter chicken & mango chicken. Mmmm nann – shame it was anemic. I got lots of pillow and bedspread buying urges, but I restrained myself.
Then we went to Oxford Street, but it was boring, so we walked back to Kini’s work.
Anyways, eventually Olivia found us, and hugged us, and we went to The Rocks, where we found an Italian restaurant to sit outside in. The food wasn’t all that, but the company was exquisite, AND we had a litre of wine. That’s right – a _ whole _ litre. They even measured it for us, at Olivia’s insistence. So yes, a merry time was had by all, I think. And if Kini & Olivia tell you differently, they are filthy rotten liars. So yes. I think they were trying to get me drunk and take advantage. Olivia offered me the larrikans walking past, but I pointed out they didn’t fit my list. She was going to offer me Morgan instead, but then she pointed out that he was hetro. Oh, and she didn’t think he had Issues, although I’m sure that if she gave him to me, he’d have Ex Girlfriend Syndrome. But I don’t really want him. When I went inside to use the bathroom, the waiter asked me if I was there to wash the dishes. How rude! But as it turns out, Livia and Morgan paid the bill. I’m scared I’m in their debt now . So yeah, to work it off, we went back to their living cube ™ with them, and oh’d and ah’d at all their shiny surfaces. Olivia embarrassed me by showing Kini my portfolio, and I came out of the whole experience covered in fur, but that’s okay, because I could have spat off their balcony if I’d wanted to.
I spooked Kini out the whole way home laughing manically, because I was writing out this story, complete with HTML tags. I suck. But gee, I’m good at it.