Morality

[0:16] (starlajo) how was simon’s partay?
(Joannna) SIMON’S partay?
[0:16] (starlajo) wasnt it his birfdei?
(Joannna) well yeah
(Joannna) but that wasn’t the main reason for the party
[0:17] (starlajo) what was it then? \
(Joannna) halloween
(Joannna) and brad warming
[0:17] (starlajo) aaaaaaah
[0:17] (starlajo) i was gonna say bradwarmng?
(Joannna) yah
(Joannna) basically, the main reason for the party
(Joannna) was so that I could wear my queen dress
[0:19] (starlajo) haha
(Joannna) honest truth man
(Joannna) hahahahaha

My lasting image of the party will be at the end, when the remaining people were all sitting around on the patio, all mellow and tired, and I was singing along to Pisces Iscariot, in a husky tone that I was drunk enough to imagine might have been sexy. It was like everyone was listening to me, and my song was all that filled the air, Milla Jovoich singing about Aliens in Dazed & Confused. That sort of thing.

But there’s me starting a story at nearly the end instead of the beginning again, which is something I do too frequently. I think I watch too many movies, and give the storyteller in me too much free rein. So instead, I will backtrack to the start of the day, to the vow Brad and I made that we’d be up and working by 10.30am.

The house was a complete mess, and we had an awful lot to do. Simon was supposed to be up at that time too, but he wasn’t, so Brad and I ate breakfast cruisily, while discussing what we needed to do. Then Justin showed up, expecting to be able to write comedy stuff with Brad. I told him otherwise, and made him dry dishes.

Justin woke up Simon by calling our phone on his cellie, so Brad went and knocked on Si’s door to tell him he had a call. Si pushed past Justin to get into the lounge. He wasn’t amused when he picked up the phone to hear someone in the same room talking to him. But it got him up, anyways. Brad and Justin went off to buy cheap vodka and a cast of red wine, because we’re that classy. People in bottle stores always give you dodgy looks if you buy vodka that’s only $11 a bottle, and i didn’t want to have to face that scorn. The vodka was for jellies, and the wine for sangaria. I wouldn’t drink cheap stuff like that by itself. No, really I wouldn’t. Even if when the bottle of Kristov did show up, it looked very very familiar to me. I mean shit – that stuff was my second best friend in fifth form, after all.

So yes, but in order to make the vodka jellies, we realised that we’d need the jelly powder, so it was off to the car with us – well, me si and Brad anyways. And we took Brad’s car, which meant we were deprived of sounds, but that’s okay, because we were all excited, and a great selection of pop medlies did doth pour out of us. In fact, they poured out of the car and into the Warehouse aisles, even. Punters gave us funny looks, so we gave them funnier looks in return. The Warehouse provided us with candles, crepe paper, ballons, coke, a pair of faerie wings, and a pair of butterfly wings. They wouldn’t sell us a third pair, because they’d come out of their packaging – dammit. So we went to Toyworld for the third pair, and another wand. Then it was off to the supermarket to stock up on junkfoodgoodness and hassle Mikey about his kinderwhore. He looked a little put out that I told him it was illegal and her father would come after him with a shotgun in front of a pile of customers, but I just have problems with people at varsity going out with girls in fourth form. Call me crazy, if you will.

Back home, I prepared five flavours of vodka jelly – orange, lime, raspberry, blackberry and boyzoneberry, and stuck them all in the freezer to ensure that they’d cook. I also made dip, and other little tasks like that. We tidied up the lounge and Si vaccumed. Then him and I went for naps, and Brad went to work. Well, I had to tidy my room first, so I did that, then tried to sleep for about 45 minutes, before painting my nails and calling Andeee for ages.

Si left to go pick up people, and then Brad came home, so we started to decorate the lounge. I was lying on the floor, folding crepe paper streamers and talking to Kate B on the phone, when there was a knock on the side door. I opened it, and was like “okay Kate, I have to go now, my dad’s at the door” and she was like “what the fuck? why’s he in Auckland?” and because I was totally confused too, I was like “go figure” and I hung up on her. I’d forgotten that Neil was in town to tour deer slaughtering plants and fun things like that. Anyways, he could only stay a minute because he had a van load of Koreans waiting for him, but it was still kinda choice to see him. He reccomended that we get a saw to chop down the weeds in our carport. One of those so called weeds was now twice my height. I’d managed to pull it over, but even the combined weight of Brad and I both jumping on its trunk wouldn’t snap it. Things grow so well on this property. No wonder they used to grow pot here.

Anyways. We had to flag the idea of sheets hanging up in the lounge to create atmosphere, because it just wasn’t happening. Maybe me trying to do it after eating vodka jelly on an empty stomach and dancing to Ricky Martin wasn’t the most conductive environment, but still…. we settled for pinning our streamers to the roof, and setting tea lights around the room, five tall white candles in my candelabra. Then Brad made faerie bread (I had to tell him how) while I made Sangaria. I heated the rum in the microwave to melt the sugar, and BOY did it smell strong. It was great. Thanks Brad’s Dad, who works for Coruba. Simon showed up just a little bit before 8, with Gavvie and Morphine Matt, and some weird goth chick called Bella. He basically went straight to have a shower and put on his costume, which pissed me off, cos the dining room was still a pigstye and there was heaps of shit left to do, so I got grumpy with him, and he got grumpy with me, and it was basically just a bad scene. Things got worse when three of his little kinderwhores showed up, and one of them was smoking in our house. I was like “could you please NOT do that inside? thank you”. Arrogant little bitch, man. You so don’t smoke in other people’s houses without asking. Fifteen year old tarts. Makes me retch.

Anyways, so I went and hid in my room, after dishing out costumes to the boys – blue slip and cardy for si, pink slip and cardy for brad, and orange and yellow slip for clayt, with an orange frilly neglige cover as well. It was annoying, because my stereo was in the lounge instead of my bedroom, so I had to listen to the little girlies whining and offering to shave Brad’s legs for him. I put on my beautiful dress, and my copper tiara, and then applied silver makeup in copious amounts. My dress was heinously low cut, I discovered. I’m sure it wasn’t quite that low in sixth form. Then again, I didn’t have quite so much breast back then either, which maybe meant that the lowcutness of the dress wasn’t quite so apparent. Either way, when I pulled each of the boys into my room and sat them down in my chair, I made a point to say “I’m sorry if you cop a lot of an eyefull – I’m not trying to seduce you, my dress is just really low”. And having said that, I applied pink eyeshadow, lipstick and gloss to brad, and rolled rose scented glitter over his face. He was finished off with the silver sequin tiara Jo had given me. Simon got blue eyeshadow and silver lipstick and glitter, with my pearl headpiece. I also fastened my blue bead collar that Megan from True Bliss had liked so much around his neck. Clayton had a feathered headband as part of his wings set, so he just got copper eyeshadow and gold lipstick, with more glitter. Clayton’s friend Matt (gay matt) wasn’t really wearing a costume, so he got vivid green eyeshadow, and raspberry coloured Rouge Pulp, to match his orange hardhat I gifted him. That was fun. Maybe I should become a makeup artist when I grow up. Or then again, maybe not.

So yes, it was well after 8pm at that stage, and I was well into the sangaria. Kate Morrison showed up with her mother, who I was introduced to, and who kissed me on the cheek in a very friendly “i’ve been drinking at my ex husband’s wedding all day” sort of way. She seemed lovely. Kate M looked absolutely stunning as a vampirey sort of person in a very glamourous sort of way, and she even managed to find herself some teeth somewhere. I convinced the two of them to come and dance, so we put on my tape of pop mp3s, and did just that. I don’t really remember what sort of order people arrived in, but they just kept on flooding in, while I kept on dancing. My skirt was lovely and swooshy. Perfect for swirling to ‘Balimos’. Brad and I sang “COME ON TIQUERO, COME ON TIQUERO” very passionatly, which elicted strange looks, until Kate M explained to people it was our flat song. Brad tried to fake a raid, like the ads, but no one paid any attention. Kate Hamlin turned up with Marie, dressed as Superman, and asked me if I’d seen the article on True Bliss in the newspaper. She was like “I thought of you when I saw it” and I was like in total awe of her. I’m sure I’ve never talked to her before in my life, except for maybe the passing “hey” and she knew I was a True Bliss junkie? Scary. I guess my reputation preceeds me. They started dancing with us immediatly too, as did most of our tech friends who came in. The kinderwhores had made themselves scarce out on the patio – good – except for Bella who came in and danced by herself in a corner.

# Like I said, I don’t remember who came when, because I made up a second bowl of punch, and there were other assorted beverages making the rounds, but for your viewing pleasure, I will list some of the costumes that people were wearing. Freddy Mercury – Justin played it perfectly, with a triple serve of cheese.
# The Crocodile Hunter – Yellowdog got the accent and style perfect.
# A cat – Not the most original costume ever, but Shirley did enjoy her tail.
# John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever – Dean looked very styley, although he didn’t dance, so basically he let the whole team down.
# Matching Satin Straight Jackets – Dee and Shiree. Given how unhinged Shiree always seems to be, you have to wonder if they did it ironically.
# Briteny Spears – Kate B swore she was just a school girl, but the crowd thought differently.
# Eighties Rockers – How Jared managed to squeeze into those white leopard skin pants I will never know, nor do I want to either. But the headband was definatly cool, as was Andrew’s, as Bruce Springsteen.

I can’t remember other people’s costumes. Maybe I’ll drop them in if it seems appropriate. Lots of people were wearing capes. Gail was wearing a long purple satin one. Her and I went out onto the lawn to play with sparklers, although mine wouldn’t light. She gave me lots of hugs, and we talked a little bit about Clayton – she telling me how well he was behaving and how sweet he was being. And she thanked me for being there for him when they broke up, which I thought was pretty stupid, given how totally unsupportive I was to him, too wrapped up in my own problems. But if she thinks that I helped him, then maybe I did. Either way, it’s good that they’re still friends and stuff, and he’s gradually getting over her.

I danced and danced for ages and ages, and at the same time I was trying to circulate and talk to all my friends who were clustered around the house in the various areas. When we cooked wedges, Brad carried them around everyone, and I took the sour cream. People that refused sour cream were labeled “not a team player”. There were quite a few of them, but they weren’t MY friends, so it’s okay. Later I apparently really offended Jan, a whitcholls chick who’s hot for Clayton, because I passed around the pizza she’d been watching. Oops. Destroying her hostess fantasies. What a bitch I am.

When Kate Hamlin and I were dancing with Andrew, for some reason she asked him if she was scaring him, so I told her the best way to scare him was to kiss him on the cheek. So we plotted and schemed, and on the count of three, we both kissed him at the same time. He turned bright red, so we asked if THAT had scared him, but he was like “no!!! do it again!!!!”. What a sweetie. I was waltzing or something with him later, but I kept leading, so it was all a big mess.

I also danced with Jess, in that pseudolesbian style that’s so much fun for participants, but onlookers must think is just completly pathetic. She kept coming up to me and asking me if she had something in her eye, which is an inside joke, because I thought she was hitting on someone once by asking them that. I always answered that it was too dark to see, and the light was better in my bedroom. However, once I got her into my bedroom, we discovered Dee and Shiree having a deep and meaningful, so we just couldn’t check each other’s eyes. I had to return her to non-disco dancing Dean instead.

Eventually, Shiree cleared out of my room, and I found myself in there with Dee, Trudie and Shirley, all piled on my bed and having a girly goss. Trudie was dressed in her pajamas, with a banana in her pocket, and she had stickers saying “B1” and “B2” on each breast. I said that I’d have to label mine “C” and “B+” so we had even more of a girly talk – as you do. We decided that we wanted photographs taken of us, so Dee hailed a passing boy. It was the same tall spunky boy that’d been watching intrigued as I’d been blowing bubbles while dancing. So he took the photos, and then Dee left, and he settled down on the bed with us. He told us his name was Daniel, and we had a long discussion about the dynamics of bubbles before I realised our conversation was a load of ass, so I switched subjects. He’d said he was from Wellington, so I asked him whereabouts. When he said Kilbernie, I asked him what school he went to, and when he said St Pats, I started to get an incling of a connection, so then I asked him if he knew Dylan Thomsen. He was silent for a minute, and then was like “New Years Eve party” and I was like “OH MY GOD”. Turns out he is like best friends with Dylan, and I actually knew him from sixth form, but mostly by legend. Although I did get with Ben on his side porch. So we had a wee reminisence about that, and he told me that Ben had pancake nipples, and I was like “well, I didn’t get that far with him to find that out” and he laughed. Oh to be 15 again. So it turns out that Daniel was staying with Nigel and Jared while doing some sort of charity work or something at some school in Otara – I didn’t pick up on the details because I was too busy freaking out at what a small world it is. Apparently there’s never anyone around at his flat, so I invited him to come and hang out with us anytime. I mean, he was very complimentary of my bedroom, after all. I was writing down my number for him when I realised that I actually couldn’t for the life of me remember it, so I asked Shirley, who also gave him her number. Hahaha. Maaaan, if only Trudie hadn’t also been in the room with us. Not that I’m dodgy or anything. No, really. But I did pass up dancing to True Bliss to stay and talk to him some more. When I went to dance later, he came too, but then I had to go off with Shirley to have a conversation with her, that went something along the lines of “You go for it – you need to get over….” and “but no, it’s been like three years for you…”. And of course, when we got back, he was talking to that Bella chick. Ah well, easy come, easy go.

So I went off to look for Kate Benton, who’d come into the bedroom before to sit on my lap. When I’d introduced her to Daniel, she’d been all confused and thought he was Ben, and I was laughing my head off, because we all knew how madly obsessed with Ben I was, back in sixth form. I found her out on the porch with Marisa, and Marisa’s b/f John. Kate and I had very long talks, and she told me repeatedly how much she loved me. Our conversations would go along the lines of “you’re so special and I love you so much” both parties reciprocating, before big long hugs, and repeat again. It seemed to go on for ever and ever and ever. It was very very sweet though. I mean, we have been friends for 14 years after all. Eventually though, I heard “Who do you think you are?” playing, so I had to run into the lounge to dance to that. Signature tune and all. We were all a huge massive gyrating mass. It was fantastic.

When I went back to Kate, for more hugs and love stuff, Marisa was trying to convince her that it was probably a good idea if they went home now, and I agreed. Seeing as how full the patio and house was, I decided we’d pull presidential stunts, and encourage Kate to leave through the back gate, like a celebrity. Marisa told Kate they were going to go to the Jones bar, and so with Kate Hamlin supporting the other side, Kate went down the driveway, and into the car, which is where I left them.

I found myself in the hall outside of the toilet engaged in a conversation with Shirley, Si, and Morphine Matt. When I introduced Shirley to Matt, Si was like all fearful, cos he knew that Shirley probably wasn’t Matt’s biggest fan ever, based on last year, basically, but I was like “geez Si, she’s got more tact than me, you know” . Anyways, we went off to Si’s room and Matt rolled up for us, and I realised taht Shirley must have already given Si his chrome candelabra present, cos it was on his desk. Me and Shirl took off with the j, intending to sit on the traffic island at the top of our street, but we got waylaid by someone’s lawn instead.

Walking back to the house, we realised that Shirley’s ride was departing, so she was forced into the car too. Gosh, weren’t Amy and Scott having fun just sitting on the porch, surrounded by younger people? Go figure. I guess leaving with Dee and Mike were some very strange boys who all looked like Bomber and no one seemed to know, until someone realised that they belonged to Mike. He seems like a bit of an odd boyfriend choice for Dee, too, but I guess different strokes for different folks and all that. The crowd was thinning out a little by that stage, but we just kept on dancing. Wait. I also had a really interesting conversation with Kate M’s friend Cate’s boyfriend Hamish, who was Dionysus personified. We started arguing about the lowering of the drinking age, me being against it, and him being for it. We’d been going about ten minutes before i was like “actually look – I could go either way on this one, I’m just talking a load of bollocks” and he was like “same here!”. Well, I thought it was funny anyways.

But yeah, dance dance dance drinkage, etc. By that stage all five flavours of vodka jelly had been eaten. People are so quick to grab spoons. I must say though, I noticed that girls are far quicker to feed each other than guys are, although guys do enjoy being fed by girls. I guess it all comes down to masculinity and stuff like that. Etc etc. The top of the orange one was really icey, cos we’d kept them all in our freezer, which is pretty icey. I mean, like, even more so than most freezers, you know? Good. I remember distributing sparklers to everyone, but mine still wouldn’t light. I also vaguely remember Yellowdog and Justin wading out on our lawn with gianormous traffic cones to play the trumpet bit from ‘A Crying Shame’. I took off my tiara to moshjump to some old grunge anthem – I think it was ‘Lithium’. And tremendously amusing it was too. Yet more people peeled off with big gratuitous hugs and stuff. Rumours circulated that Brad was in bed recovering from vomiting, but he eventually re-surfaced. Clayton found Robbie Williams’ ‘Angels’ on tape, so him and me and Brad all swayed along to it, as the last dance of the evening. Simon wasn’t being a team player. I do believe he was off with the Pretty Light Faeries.

Peter put on Pisces Iscariot, and all the remaining people – which was just him and me and the kinderwhores and si and gavie and morphine matt, just mellowed out on the porch. I continued to make sarcastic comments and stuff, but I was also singing along, off in my own little world. I had a conversation with Matt about the Smashing Pumpkins, and felt really grown up. Let’s just hope it doesn’t take me 18 months to get to that completly neutral feeling with T. And there, we’re back where we started, just a lot smellier and drunker.

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