Eli Lilly

Sunday, November 15th

It’s ten to five pm, making this probably the earliest I’ve ever written a journal entry, but
oh well. Today, being sunday, Shirley is at work in her cafe, and again, I am bored and
alone. I called up Amy in Wellington for a natter – she caught me up on all the IRC goss.
Seems there are troubled times in #left with Mark and Scott powertripping, yet
complaining about Amy having Masters. I play Favourites? Shock Horror! Well, Amy’s
kisssed both of the room owners while Mark’s only kissed one of them. Go figure.

Yeah, so that was a constructive $5 spent. I left her my number so that she can pass it on
to Andee, who’ll hopefully calll me. I’m loooooooonely.

Then I decided to go to the cafe where Shirley works, and have some pancakes which
weren’t all that nice, but oh well. While there, I started reading a Metro Article from
1996, about Pharmac’s deal with Eli Lilly to make Prozac available through GPs, without
needing to consult a specialist. Scary shit, man. So many of my friends are on it, or have
been on it. I can’t even comprehend what it would be like. How could someone numb
themselves like that? I mean, I take drugs, but that’s to heighten my senses and emotions.
That’s why I KNOW I shouldn’t drink when I’m scared, cos it magnifies it. What would
it be like to be deadened? God, and what must it be like to NEED to be deadened?
Accompanying the article was a checklist of signs you’re depressed. I had at least three of
them – lack of motivation, insomnia and also wanting to sleep all the time. I know why I
have these things though – I’m BORED! My life is basically on hold till I get back to
Welly on Friday – or maybe I’ll make it Thursday night. I don’t need pills, I just need
something to do.

Thinking about cutters, if I’d known people did it, would I have cut myself, back when I
was twelve?

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