Thursday 21st September, 2000

You know how I said that I’d been having trouble sleeping lately and I didn’t even have a decent book to read? Well, last night I had sort of the opposite problem, because I went into Kate’s room and rummaged through her closet and found “Looking for Aribaldi” which is an Australian book that’s about to come out as a movie here, and then I couldn’t put it down. It was a teenager book, and it reminded me heaps of the Alex series which every NZ girl knows, I’m sure. Popular Kate told me today that “Looking for Aribaldi” is the book most stolen from Australian libraries, which is kinda cool. I can understand why teenage girls would wanna hang onto it. The girl in it, Josie, is Italian Australian, and struggling a little with her background, and being illegitmate, and the whole usual raft of teenage problems, and it was just written really well, really real. You could definately see it all in your head, and identify with parts of it.

So I was reading it sitting outside in the sun today, and thinking about MY ethnic roots, which are pratically non existant. I mean, my mother was Dutch, but she renounced it and claims to be a total Kiwi now. I wish I’d learnt Dutch, that would have been cool. I imagined this whole scenario whereby I’d go back to Holland and try to find my roots, etc etc. Of course, that scenario is made so much more attractive by thinking about all the Dutch men that there’d be over there. But I was just getting carried away. I really wanna go see Oma, actually. I find myself adding chilli paste to almost everything I cook, and as a family we’ve always mocked her for keeping a jar of it by her plate. And I miss my grandfather a lot lately too. I just wish that I’d known Dutch so that we could have had proper conversations without him strugging with English – although I guess he didn’t struggle that much cos he could speak like half a dozen languages. It was just me that didn’t have the time to spend with him. And then one of the last times I saw him I was like “no, there’s no money in writing, I don’t want to do that, I want to be a record company executive and roll in cash” which was just facecious, and where the fuck is all of this coming from tonight? Bottled up angst, I tell you. I’ve been having a weird night.

I did this thing for Shirley this afternoon, and I think I really fucked up, and ended up sounding like a total dork. I thought I was fairly articulate, but I guess not. Then Brad and I went to Happy Hour at London Bar, and met up with Helen and Andrea. It was really weird, cos in class today, Helen was like “Where’s your webpage?” so I was like “but if I tell you,t hen you can go and read my journal” and she was like “why do you put it online if you don’t want people to read it?” which is a very good point I was momentarily overlooking, so I gave her the address. I have to go into town super early tomorrow to pick Helen up at 9.30 (which is super early for me, because I’ve decided I’m on Perth time or something, four hours behind the rest of NZ). We’re going on a field trip to some cd pressing plant. Wahoo! We’re hoping for freebies. Especially pens if they’re as cool as our macromedia pens.

Evening was all blah and boring, until The West Wing was on, which was good. Then later, I found myself staying up to watch re-runs, only Seinfeld wasn’t on so I watched “I love you to death” instead, which is a really amusing movie with Kevin Kline and Tracey Ullman and River Phoneix and Joan Plowman and Keanu Reeves and Harvey Keital in it. I’ve seen it before, but yeah, like I said, it was entertaining. Plus I was flicking between that and grainy black and white coverage of the gymnastics at the Olympics. There was this one Russian girl who looked like super tall (she was 5’5, which is relatively tall for a gymnast) and her legs seemed to go on forever, and she was absolutely amazing on the floor. I was completely in awe of her. But the Romanians won all three medals, and for some reason when they were standing on the podium, I found myself almost crying. Gymnasts amaze and terrify me. All that dedication and composure and effort and self control. Wow.

I’m very emotional today, and I’m not entirely sure why. I’d blame it on hormones, but once again, my period is late. I’m blaming Kate Benton for this as well. Of course hers was all fine and dandy on time. Damn her scent. And speaking of her, I haven’t seen her in the past ooh 36 hours or so except very briefly at tech and she looked sick so I told her to go home but she’s not here. Tut tut. Oh man, I am SO flatmother, it’s scary. Brad and I decided to move to Dominion Road because we were too lazy to walk up the hill to catch our bus on Symonds Street. I wonder if we can take the house with us. It’s not like Ron would notice. I wonder when they’re going to finish painting our bathroom. And when they’re going to cut down the annoying tree. And fix other stuff. Our toilet cistern keeps filling and running unless you prop up the bar-y thing inside it, and then it doesn’t flush. Lucky we have one in the laundry as well, but dammit, i wish my daddy was here to fix everything.

Two weeks holiday now, but I realised yesterday when I was filling out our progress on Microsoft Project that I have a shitload of work to do. I have to do my client work, do my Instructional Design, there’s like 2 things I wanna do for my site, and I have to make Momma’s site, plus general maintence and somehow still have a life, find a job, get paid and make a grand a week to hire us a maid. Busy busy.

Every day I keep meaning to write a list of all the people I’m missing in my life that I wanna get back in touch with, but then I don’t. I’m still SO impressed that Beth managed to track me down through my dad of all people. It’s so cool being in email contact with her .

I was emailing Olivia today during class, and she was mocking the way I tend to start many sentences with “man” so i feel all embarrassed now. It sucks that I start using phrases to take the piss and then get stuck on them. Ahh well. Articulate smiculate.

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