Thursday October 5th, 2000

We need a second phoneline. I don’t care if people don’t get through while I’m on the net, but if I have to spend $15 on cabfare because bloody Kate Benton’s on the net and I can’t call her, then that’s a problem. Actually, she should just get a cellphone. Yes, thaqt’s a good idea. Or I should put clay’s # into my cellie so at least I can get ahold of SOMEONE at home. I wanna smoke bud and then sleep, yes, that’d be nice.

Andrea’s was tonight, her 21st at the ASB tennis centre in Parnell. It was strange going there by myself, no Gangers. Well, Kate drove me, but she wasn’t coming in and stuff. Of course, first party I ever go to by myself since high school and I get lost going there. I got misled by a trail of balloons that took me up some steps into the actual stadium itself. It was huge and vast, seats all around it, floodlit and goddamit I felt like fucking someone right in the centre with a huge cheering audience. Anyways, eventually I found the right pavillion, and it was really disconcerting going in at first, because I couldn’t see anyone I knew, but luckily Andrea came up to me and hugged me, so I gave her the birthday pressie I got her in Wellington (a necklace) and she pointed me in the direction of Jeremy and his girlfriend Renee.

I hung out with them most of the night, which wsa really cool except when Jeremy talked about his 21st, which ended up being a really really horrible night for me. I talked to Helen too, which was cool. She was like “so, how was Wellington? No wait, don’t tell me, I read all about it” so I felt kinda superfluous, because she reads my journal after all, so why bother talking to me? But yeah, we discussed the length of some chick’s skirt and stuff, so that was fun.

There was a full on dinner and then dessert laid on, plus alcohol. I drank a lot of some strange punch, that tasted of grapefruit and cranberry. I dunno if there was much alcohol in it though, because I don’t feel all that drunk. The sky outside was all tinted pink from the sky tower being lit up for Pink Ribbon Breast Cancer Awareness week. I cried this morning reading the Herald, an article about the Yellow Ribbon Week. Factor #3, a loved one refusing to support/help you. I danced a little with Renee to songs Jeremy didn’t know (Freedom 90, Olivia!) but they left early with Karin and her boyfriend, so I left at that time too. Kate B had said she’d come pick me up, but she was on the net looking up Saved by the Bell (there was a movie and Zack and Kelly got married!!!!) so I couldn’t call her and I had to take a taxi. Karin’s having a baby. That’s really strange, although I guess she is like 30 something (I think – I hope I’m not wrong, cos that could be really offensive). Kate B and I talk about babies all the time lately, scary. It’s been nearly 2 months without a period for me, but for once in my life I don’t think I’m pregnant.

But I did say that Andrea’s was cool, right? And that she looked stunning, and everything was really well arranged and everything? aANd that the speeches were funny even though I hardly know her, and the venue was nice and all? Oh spot the rambling drunk girl! I’m soooo tired, I wanna smoke pot until I fall asleep, but I don’t have any. Clay’s on lunch tomorrow, waffles I think, which will be nice.

Oh, after speeches, I’ve decided taht I definately need to get a boyfriend before my 21st in June. Someone who will actually publically acknowledge me, and say something really cute and dumb and sweet at my party. Yeah, that’d be nice. Actually, there’s a boy I want now, but it’s complicated. When Kate was driving me to the party tonight, she was like “I think you’re infatuated” and I was like “well it’s just so fucking exciting to finally want someone NEW”. But as always, I couldn’t fancy someone that fancied me, because how would I be able to respect them then?

I’ve been on a whole bunch’o message boards lately – some more serious than others. Interacting is cool. It’s nice, I need to learn more feminism, I need to branch out and open and expand my mind some. I’m almost tempted to somehow get a message board of my own, only i know I’d be disappointed when no one wrote anything, so it’s best to play on others. Oh yeah, speaking of involvement, don’t forget to please send me stuff from EnList. I know y’all can contribute more than like the five supremely cool epople that already have. Just send me a piece of writing, an image, any fucking random file off your hard drive. Thank you!

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