Thursday November 2nd, 2000

I’m so very very tired, and it’s not even ten pm yet, so if I go to sleep now, I’ll wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to sleep again. What a dilema! But oh my god, I’m just so so tired. Clay has Kara and another couple over for dinner, and when we were all sitting around the dining room table, eating by candlelight, I nearly keeled over into my bowl of soup.

I should call Shirley, because I haven’t talked to her in literally a week, which is a long time to go without one of your best friends. Maybe she’s annoyed at me because the last thing I said to her after the Dinner last thursday was me calling her the name that’s synomymus with all things skanky to us in jest. Or maybe she thinks I’m mad at her. Or maybe she’s just as busy as me.

I didn’t go into tech today, because I felt sick. Not hungover sick, actually, thank you very much, but sick as in my belly felt all woozy the way it had the day before, which wasn’t hangover sick either. On further reflection today, I’m even more disturbed by my taxi driver. I mean, we were having the conversation he started about me becoming mistress to a rich man, and he was like “he’ll move you into his penthouse and the wife will have to move out” so I said “well if she’s nice, maybe she won’t have to – I’d hate to put her out” and he was like “so you’re into threesomes then are you?” and I was like there’s a line and you just crossed it, buddy, but I didn’t say anything.

I think I’m worn out from being social. I just want to watch TV all night and not to have to talk to people I don’t know all that well, but Clay’s playing Video Nazi, so I can’t watch the West Wing. I’m starting to respect the most my friends that I can have comfortable silences with. Don’t get me wrong, I love going out and having a good time and everything, but I’m feeling very very introverted right now. I think when I’m tired my levels of tolerance sink even lower, so it’s like every time someone asks me a question I resent them for it. Unlike Clayton, Brad doesn’t ask me questions – well hardly never, anyways. Lately I’ve been coming home every day to announce a new crush on a different boy, and Brad’s always been like “okay, sweet”.

Blech, up down, up down up down up down up down up down. This gets boring real quick, eh. I’m waiting for something amazing to happen to me again. I’m tired of caring about myself, I need someone else to look after. Kate Benton’s moving to Queenstown in December – for the summer. This sucks, I don’t want her to go, but I also don’t want her to be with John if that’s going to hurt her as much as I know it’s going to. We’re going to try and sublet out her room because we would quite like her to stay on with us. Maybe Hot Toddy will take the room – Justin reckons he’d be very keen (but not as Kean as Justin) but I haven’t actually managed to speak to him yet. Todd’s a school teacher, which I find very very funny – so he probably wouldn’t even be working most of the time he lived here. It’ll be a change to live with all guys again – I’ll be losing my primary emotional suppport base. But of course, I’ll be busy in my fantastic new job anyways. Yeah.

“………”

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