Public Service Warning

You know how I stopped doing drugs after the walls melted one day and I couldn’t figure out who in the Brady Bunch was real? Yeah.

Well that was two years ago, and I went a year and a half or more without any drugs – and not smoking pot at Volcanic was actually a fucking huge achievement. Then after seeing my mother (MY MOTHER!) enjoying a spliff at her 54th birthday, I figured I could give it a go, very rarely, and it would be okay. And it was. Until last night. This is what I wrote at the time:

So I had a smoke because my flatmate offered me one, and because I was just planning to lie around watching Terminator Two anyways, and because well, fuck it, I just wanted to have a smoke. I don’t have to justify myself to you. Oooh the paranoia is kicking in now. Heh. That’s a joke right there – well like, a joke to me about you making jokes about me, and also about me making jokes about myself and totally working myself up into a frenzy.

Did i mention that I’m writing this from the inside of a freakout? Oh yeah, the pot brought on another one of those panic attack type things. My heart rate is double what it should be, adn I’m trying to breathe deeply and calmly and all those sorts of things in order to tame it down, but it ain’t working. My back has tingles up and down it.

Well, until I had to find a new webpage to read, it had settled down. I mean, this isn’t like the other time, but if it becomes so, well least I know that it’ll pass. My worry right now is that my computer battery will go flat and I won’t be able to go upstairs and get the plug and come back down for it.

Now I feel I am more aware of all of the parts of my body, so all the pains (wrists, knees, heels) are enhanced but dulled at the same time. My glass of water is blinking along with the little battery light on my keyboard. I think I’m really cold but my face is really warm and also feels incredibly greasy, like I’ve cooked and eaten a steak, but I had pea soup for dinner, so that’s just wack, cos it wasn’t greasy. I suppose having the heater on makes my face hot. Duh. That’s not quite as dumb as it sounds, because the heater is off now and i’m not in that room anymore. Okay, that’s exactly as dumb as it sounds. Fuck my wrists hurt.

Anyways, the reason that I realised I was freaking out was because I was seeing another scene of Todd and Jannelle laid over the top of the one that was on the TV and I was trying to recall if it was something that we got to see in T3, but of course it wasn’t, because it didn’t exist.

OH MY GOD! I have just experienced sonmething that has made me love this tripping in my head – the Jean Claude animated gif coupled with “I’m on Fire” – the HLAH version because of course my brain made them get nsync, and damn it was great. Oh yeah. You should replicate my experience. Replicate? Duplicate? Whatever. I think after another hour (and probably many more Budget Whateveritisthattheyarecallingtheirtimtams) or so I should be fine to catch up on Gilmore Girl fix. I have THREE (3) episodes awaiting me.

Last night I got to say my favourite line ever (“I’m on the list”) and take Brad to see Eskimo Joe. I don’t know them at all other than the single ‘To The Sea’, which I love, but you know how it is. They were good. I tried to try all of the tap beers at Bodega. There are an awful lot of beers on tap at Bodega. Brad complained about how everyone thinks he’s gay (for the record I don’t think he is) and so we decided to use reverse psychology and out him. I think he felt worser after getting the text message “so my mother was right all along” or some such thing in reply.

I’m listening to OK Computer but I’m not picking up on any undermessages. Undermessages? Hidden perhaps. Dick.

Oooh, an hour of playing Hexic has made me feel much much better. Hurrah!

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