Rockstar: Supernova week four

Reality / Performance / Results

Reality episode from the interweb

Dana bitches about Ryan calling her not rock on international television. Hey Dana, I’m calling you not rock on international interweb – how do you like THEM apples, bitch?

Gilby plays his guitar at the house, and it’s a song-writing clinic. They get to write lyrics and melodies in teams led by Dilana, Toby and Magni, since they won the encores. Anyone remember ‘Stop/Go’? Or that little ditty ‘Pretty Vegas’? Dana bitches about being picked last for baseball, and she’s chosen last again.

In Team One (Dilana, Storm, Ryan, Lukas) Lukas writes “if you could touch a star, would it show you what you are?” Umm no, it would burn you, because I’m not sure if you know this up there in Canada, but stars are big flaming balls of gas. So instead Lukas goes off for a beer break.

On Team Two, Phil, Zayra, Toby and Patrice talk about scat. Huh?

Magni bitches at Shakira to shut up, because he wants to hear the song a couple of times first. She talks about how it pours out of her. By ‘it’ do you mean shit, Shakira?

Lukas goes to disturb Magni’s group, because apparently he has ADD. He’s also wearing white pants. Doesn’t he know it’s after Labour Day?

Magni talks about how he’s recorded six albums with his band, so he knows the process, apparently, and Shakira storms out. Did we ever figure out what band he was from? No? I’m going to say the Bomb Funk MCs then. Sweden, Iceland, Finland – what’s the difference? Shakira comes back, and their team effort goes okay.

Patrice loses the tracks that they recorded. Phil says “I hear there are worst catastrophes in other rooms”. Mean while on Team One, Lukas can’t sing what he’s supposed to, so Storm takes the mike off him. When they sing the final version for Supernova, it includes the line “Am I your little bitch or am I your girl?” Um hi, you’re singing to Tommy Fucking Lee, of course you’re his little bitch. All of you. But the song actually sounds pretty fucking cool. Much better than INXS anyway. T’Lee says he got goosebumps, Gilby Clarke loves on the chorus despite their headbutting. I’m surprised that Lukas doesn’t break out with his own individual version of it, but perhaps he missed that episode with JD last year.

Team Two are all with the whispering evil start. Phil is all swaggering all over the place like he’s drunk, you know, just for a change.

Team Three is very modest with Magni saying they’re the best. Jason loves their harmonies and their gospel feel. Gilby waves his lighter. These songs all sound really good. I want to hear them in full. T’Lee says not to take them in the bluesy direction. And then they party. Phil is wearing an orange headband and I don’t understand why. Tommy passes out jager shots, which I suppose is his trademark thing, given the amount of time he spends in Tommyland talking about the jager machine he had installed in his kitchen. Gilby says his daughter plays guitar. I wonder if Tommy’s banged her yet.

Lukas looks like Sonic the Hedgehog when he pushes his sunglasses up on his head. Gilby’s going to be playing on ‘Brown Sugar’ and so they have to fight for him. Ryan wants ‘I Alone’ by Live. FUCK, they’ve got ‘About a Girl’. STOP WITH THE MOTHERFUCKING NIRVANA. Why Courtney why? They’re being more civil this time, writing names on songs while they’re up on the board. Shakira says she’ll stay away from ‘White Wedding’ but offers up her dress to anyone who wants it, and that makes me go ‘heh’ which redeems her a little. Most of the girls want ‘Call Me’ and I can’t blame them for that. Storm takes ‘Anything Anything’ and says that she can do anything. I don’t know the song, but the way she’s talking to the camera so confidently, you know this means she’ll be kicked off next. Poor Lindsay Lohan and her boobies. Unless of course Jill pisses off Gilby too much making him play in the key of E.

EDIT: Also, read “the rockers’” journals online here. I’m so never voting for Dilana again (you know, if I had actually voted), solely because of her apostrophe catastrophes. And her use of the phrase “OMG”, because what kind of loser writes that all over the interweb?

Reality / Performance / Results

Performance Show

Lukas – ‘Bittersweet Symphony’: Jason says “I’m waiting for you to open up your throat”, and while usually I’d say that should be T’Lee saying that, I’m going to agree. Dude, Lukas, I appreciate that the way you talk and the way you write in your blog really does give the impression that English is not your first language, but if you’re trying to be JD you should remember that at least JD paid attention when INXS talked and followed their advice to the letter. That said, I did like it when they dropped all the lights down and had him in a spotlight, but he should have held the pause a little longer.

Anji says: “Lukas ? didn?t really dig it, although it wasn?t that bad. I hate to say it, but I agree with Jason about the strangled vocals. Plus, Lukas is such a teenaged brat.”

Zayra – ‘Call me’: To quote TWOP here – “I’ll be very surprised if anyone does. Or texts her for that matter”. For starters, she’s dressed in a RUBBER SUIT that’s a cross between Sergent Pepper and a power ranger. I don’t understand how she could have possibly thought it was a good idea to wear that. Plus, just for a change, she’s out of breath when she sings. This is hideous. Bart yells out “stop it, stop it stop it” and I feel his pain even though he apologises for intruding on my precious TV hour. She says that she did well when Supernova challenge her, and I want to punch her in the face some more. They looked pained while she was performing. Even T’Lee is having trouble with her outfit.

Anji says: “Zayra ? I actually think she looked pretty hot in a tacky kinda way, but by the end of the song it just sounded like bad karaoke!! Her voice is not strong enough and she just couldn?t cope. She HAS to be next to go?”

Dana – ‘About a girl’: This is rocking, Dana, you sitting down on a stool playing a guitar but keeping your face in a grimace. For once you actually look like you could be living the words of the song, so sure, you’re running around with a no-good hooker, but hey, you live with Jill anyway, right? Oooh burn. But seriously, Dana’s best performance yet, even though it’s obvious that she’s been studying Dilana. Plus the outfit is so much better than the miniskirt and leopard print corset monstrosity that she thanked the stylist for picking out for her in her blog. In fact, I might go as far as to say that this is my favourite performance of a Nirvana song all series, although I still wish they’d stop.

Anji says: “Dana ? definitely her best performance (and I thought that before the boys said so). I really liked her voice on that song (even if I?d prefer Kurt?s)”.

Patrice – ‘Remedy’: You know that I’ve been loving on the Patrice, and she can sing and she looks really comfortable on the stage, but this performance is a bit boring. When Dave tells her to do something different for each song, she sasses back “Is that what you do?” and he looks really shaken but comes back with “I’ve got the job, you’re just auditioning”. Snarky.

Anji says: “Patrice ? I like her ease and comfort on stage, but the song was really dull, and she almost looked too relaxed, y?know? But Dave ? what a wanker!!”

Toby – ‘White Wedding’: You can tell that I’ve watched way too many reality singing shows when even I can tell that he starts the song out too low so that he can do a key change halfway through. Toby’s got energy, and power, and this is pretty good, but he’s just so ugly. And I hate the way he turns up the Aussie accent. Supernova love him, although they note the lowness too.

Anji says: ” Toby ? very stadium rock. And he?s just not as sexy as he thinks he is.”

Magni – ‘Heroes’: Magni’s voice is amazing here, and I don’t have a problem with him standing behind a microphone playing the guitar, although Supernova do. They tell him he needs to sing the song to everyone in the room, and he says he’s singing it to someone across the other side of the world. Awwww.

Anji says: “Magni ? great singing. I thought the boys might think he wasn?t bringing the rock enough, but I guess he proved he can hold a lovely melody. Also, I like that he?s not as defensive as some of the others when criticised (I suppose he can go home to Icelandic glory and a decent career anyway)”

Ryan – ‘I Alone’: Okay, so I like guys with big noses. I have no problem admitting that. I love how Ryan is dressed simply, in a shirt and pants and a chain. It’s like the others dress how they think that rockstars dress (except for Zayra, obviously), but Ryan dresses how he dresses, and he looks hot. He rocks this song out, although Bart yells “stop it, stop it!” again when Ryan gets up on the drum kit to jump off. Sorry, did I just say “rocks this song out”? Sorry. But he’s definitely “crushing it” as Jason would like him to do, and Supernova appreciate that. Ryan says he’s having fun, and smiles. Nice work, best performance of his yet.

Anji says: “Ryan ? he even looked the part for Live!! I thought it was a great song choice and he did pretty good, but he really struggled with that ?fear is not the end?? line ? didn?t Marty struggle with the same bit?? Maybe we have to give Mr Live some credit??” No, we should never give Mr Live some credit. Remember “her placenta falls to the floor” ? Terrrrrrrrrible song.

Jill – ‘Brown Sugar’: Shakira is dressed like a Hooters waitress in hot pants, a singlet and heels, and I pay very little attention to her singing, except to note that you can hardly hear it because either there’s some weird echo or the backing vocals are turned up too loud, because she starts dancing up on Gilby, who’s playing the guitar for this song, and she doesn’t stop. Now, I admit that recently my affections have strayed from T’Lee to Mr Clarke since he started wearing tshirts, and I have a thing for anyone who wears a cuff while playing the guitar (I suspect this is a step up from fancying anyone who wears a static wristband while fixing computers at least), but damn girl, get your cooter off him, you’re making him sticky and he’s not happy about it. In fact, in his comments he even says it was cheap and degrading and that this contest should be about singing and not sex. Ha! But still Shakira, ewww. When a guy who used to be in a band with AXL ROSE who had sex with a porn star to record it in the break of my fav GNR song ‘Rocket Queen’, even if Gilby wasn’t around for Appetite, says you’re tacky and nasty, you need to pay attention. You’re like 53. Stop it.

Anji says: “Jill – blah. Even before Gilbey gave his little spiel about the grinding I could tell she was making him really uncomfortable on stage. She?s such a bimbo. It almost seems a shame she can sing. Maybe Vegas.”

Phil – ‘One headlight’: I have no idea why anyone would ever listen to the Wallflowers. They’re quite possibly the blandest band in the world, and Phil doesn’t even have Jakob Dylan’s pretty eyes to see him through. This is awful. Bart yells out for it to stop some more, and I wonder why the hell Phil lumbers around so much. He needs to grow into his arms, maybe? And lose the goatee. And why oh why didn the producers make anyone sing this song? Supernova argue amongst themselves about Phil’s bobbleheadedness instead of his blandness.

Anji says: “Phil ? awful. And boring. And the wobble does gotta go.”

Dilana – ‘Time after time’: I love this song so much, and even though Dilana is wearing some godawful crushed velvet hot pink corset thing, her hair looks amazing in its pink and purpleness, and her arrangement of the song, with just her and the hot guitarist playing solo accoustic is stunning. Stunning. I get my first welling-up of the season.

Anji says: “Dilana ? didn?t really like that version of Cyndi Lauper, but I still love her voice and think she did well. She looked a bit like a crazy gay pirate!! I think she?s playing the game very strategically, proving she can sing soft pop and in a high voice, proving she can rock out, proving she can do an innovative re-arrangement etc”

Josh – ‘No rain’: I know that they only get like, 90 seconds, but this song is chopped up to all hell and makes no sense, and Josh sounds really bad. He pleads with Supernova to embrace their soul side, and I’m just like oh my god, you are pathetic. They are the ones in the position of power here buddy, not you. You’re riding too much on the fact that they said you had one of the best voices around – in the first week. Move on.

Anji says: “Josh ? quite a good-timey song, and not badly performed, just bland. I really thought he shoulda done the Black Crowes actually ? would?ve really suited his voice (but maybe that seemed too obvious)”

Storm – ‘Everything, Everything’: I don’t know this song, but I do know that Storm is 37. 37! Lindsay Lohan is not going to look this good when she gets that old. Storm rocks, storming (heh) around the stage, showing Jill how to interact with a band without dripping vaginal juices on them, hitting all the notes right, coming across with huge energy and then launching herself into the audience in a T’Lee-approved beautiful dive. Nice work Storm.

Anji says: “Storm ? ROCKS! I reckon she should get the encore. She needs to stop with the crazy wide-eyed rolling, but still? Great energy, great voice, passionate delivery of a good song (not that I have anything to compare it to!!)”

Bottom three: Zayra (if there is a god, she’ll be going home too), Jill and Phil/Josh. I’d give the encore to Zilana, but I reckon Storm will get it.

Reality / Performance / Results

Results Show

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