2016 in review

Yes, I’m four months late. So that’s great. But I still think it’s important to check in with myself, so tolerate me please?

1. What did you do in 2016 that you’d never done before?

    • Left the country so I wouldn’t break up with T. Got broken up with anyway. 2016 was fucking awful.
    • Is that it? Is that really all I did for the first time? Damn girl. I was very tame I guess.
    • Oh I started having people to stay for short terms in my spare room in exchange for currency. That was useful.
    • I got paid for my writing! Mad love to Alex Casey & Duncan Grieve at the Spinoff.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Here’s my list of what my resolutions were:

  • SKINNYDIPPING AGAIN: I only achieved this once, in the gloriously warm ocean in Samoa
  • Maintain most excellent relationship: Ahahahhahahahhahaha. Ahahahhahahahahahahahaha. To be fair, this one is not my fault. I did everything for her. I bent over backwards and compromised so often.
  • Pay down debt: This did not really happen. Well I mean I took a couple of international trips that I paid for but the debt is still lurking there in the shadows.
  • MMF ffs! This also did not happen. I am starting to think I should just hire some professionals to get it over and done with.

I did not make resolutions as such for 2017, but a theme that has emerged is that I am much less willing to waste my time on people who don’t make me feel good about myself. I can’t save everyone and it’s time I accepted that.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?


My longterm bestie Kate did, and so did a million friends on Twitter. Everyone had babies. Except for me. And another person who really wants and deserves one.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No. But an awful lot of celebrities did.

5. What countries did you visit?

I ran away to Sydney for a weekend where I floated in a paddling pool while Kini poured bloody marys down my throat, spoiling me nonstop and it was exactly what I needed. Karen and I also went to Samoa in May, and I made plans to head to Melbourne for Jo, and also to rent a houseboat on the Murray in 2017.

6. What would you like to have in 2017 that you lacked in 2016?

Sex. Specifically, head. And someone who will yell from the rooftops that they’re in love with me.

7. What date from 2016 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

No especial date because the breakup was a lengthy deathcrawl (although it should have been our 1.5 years anniversary on May 25). I don’t remember the date that I was pretty certain it would be better for me not to be alive anymore, though that happened sometime in August.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Staying alive. Staying employed. Ending the year with more friends than I began it with.

9. What was your biggest failure?

The long terrible awful draggedoutness of the breakup and how many months I lost to the nothingness of a depressive blur.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Yes, I fucked up my knee really badly slipping over in a puddle of Sebastian’s water the night that I wanted to kill myself and instead fucked a boy from Tinder instead. I missed work for a week and couldn’t leave my house. Kind people brought me catfood and I survived on foodninja deliveries.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

DJ Roomba, who makes all the extra cleaning I have to do so much easier. It’s nice to put him to work in the lounge while I am cleaning the kitchen.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Jo who took amazing care of me despite her own bad times. Kini because ditto.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

The US election. NZ politics. My ex girlfriend’s drawn out torture of not giving me the final cord-cutting that I needed. The earth’s because those quakes were no fun at all, alone and naked and screaming in the toilet.

14. Where did most of your money go?

I gave away a lot of money last year. And I mean A LOT. There was money for surgery for a cat I have never met. There was money a couple of times to an acquaintance having a really hard time. I supported people’s pledgemes, including Pomegranate Kitchen and La Boca Loca. I bought a lot of wine for a lot of people. I think it would absolutely be fair enough to accuse me of trying to buy friends. I need to do less of that. But also I continue to enjoy spending money on good people so how to balance it out?

Also Seb’s vet bills. Blurgh.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

It was really hard to get excited about much to be honest. But I loved that I developed great friendships at work and I did really well at my job.

16. What song will always remind you of 2015?

All of Lemonade, obviously. Specifically, ‘Hold Up’ because as we mentioned, it’s what I dressed up as for Halloween.

And then later on, when I started to heal, I was introduced to this cover on Twitter, and it was everything

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

I am fatter,  sadder and poorer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Dancing and fucking.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Waiting for Tori who never showed up. Crying. Wishing there was a way for me to not exist anymore.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

As per tradition, I spent the morning with Tom and Theresa, eating an amazing breakfast, drinking a lot of bubbly. Then we went to BAMJI’s and played croquet on the lawn and ate mountains of cheese and it was just wonderful.

21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?

Crying on the phone to Jo or listening to her cry.

22. Did you fall in love in 2016?


23. How many one-night stands?

Just the one. Though technically it wasn’t a one night stand – I went on a date with him, and felt no spark, but he texted me later and then that night when I felt like I wanted everything to end I got him to come over instead.

24. What was your favorite TV program?

The Good Wife, Brooklyn Nine Nine, Real Housewives of Auckland

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

No but my levels of loathing for white cis straight men’s opinions has grown and grown and grown. OH LOOK, SAME ANSWER AS EVERY YEAR.

26. What was the best book you read?

Nights at the Museum by Kate Atkinson.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I don’t know. Spotify turned up some gems.


28. What did you want and get?

Happy worklife, good workfriends, a tropical holiday.

29. What did you want and not get?

A proper #BESTGIRLS, a lasting relationship,

30. What was your favorite film of this year?

I don’t watch movies, don’t be ridiculous.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 36.  My friends and I went to Hideaway for drinks and food and it was great, but it was over by like 10pm and I felt quite cheated.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

A good relationship.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2016?

Trying to hide despite all the bright colours.

34. What kept you sane?

Jo did the heaviest lifting but others too, especially Tom and Saj and Steph.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

No one

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

Feminism as a whole, inequality in New Zealand and rape culture. SAME AS LAST YEAR.

37. Who did you miss?

Jo and Kini. And Tori too, obviously and still.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

Saj! I met her via Anna Pledgeme at a party at Laboca Loca, and we bonded hard and fast and she is great.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2016:

I can’t fix everything.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

What a wicked way to treat the girl who loves you.

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