No Really, I’m Going Now

Monday the 11th of January, 1999

Anji and Karen came over and Mummy made us Tempura for dinner and it was really really yummy. She was such a good Japanese housewife, standing and cooking us some more cos we are all greedy pigs, but she’d had enough to eat. I’m so glad I like food. Sure, I don’t exactly have a spiffing figure, but at least I have FUN!

When we were about to have dessert, Anji was like “Okay, who’s going to spread the jellytip icecream on me and lick it off?” Then she veered off in some other conversation, but made the mistake of standing next to me, and the icecream tub. It was just too tempting. I picked a hunkajelly out and slapped it onto her tummy. She squealed, appropriately surprised, and picked off the lump. But then she wanted me to lick off the remaining traces. I’d never licked someone’s belly before. I can’t say it was all that exciting – despite her belly button ring. Honest we don’t live in Kentucky, just cos she only wore her bra and camos to the dinner table. We’re just um… a very close family. God, you should hear our conversations if you think our actions are bad. Anji’s new short haircut inspired a ‘dykey’ tinged conversation, and oh boy, carpet licking is a weird terminology for your parents to need translated. I remember waaaaaaay back when my mother thought a blow job was something you got done at the hairdresser’s. Not that I was really in the know when I was nine either, but still, that’s to be expected, right?

When I was ten, the trendiest book at school was “Forever” by Judy Blume. Anyone who had a copy passed it around, and we all knew chapters 7, 9 and 16 were the juiciest. The thing that none of us got was that the girl and guy in it kept coming. I mean, they were already THERE in the room, and they hadn’t been anywhere. The phrase came up too much to put it down to a grammatical error, so eventually I asked Karen and Anji what it meant. They refused to tell me and made me ask my mother. She was like “where did you hear that?????” but eventually she told me, which left me even more confused than before. I think ‘white liquids’ were mentioned. Golly.

When I was eight, I stole ‘My Lady, My Vixen’ from Anji, and read most of that, even though I wasn’t allowed to. It was one of those books that had a chick with her dress half ripped off and a brawny guy under giant shiny letters on the cover. I’d been sneakily reading it in my room, but then I left it hidden under my pillow and Mum went into my room to make my bed. BUSTED! I never found out how it ended. I did learn a lot about ‘his pulsating manhood’ though. Ahhhh crazy kids.

All my stuff is packed now, apart from my puter and my stereo. Stress City, man! My parents don’t want me to leave too much stuff for them to take up cos they wanna take stuff up too two days later bringing my stuff up, but Si won’t have much room in his car….. Arrrrrrg. I’m sure I’ll forget something vital.

Shit. This is the end of my time in Wellington, at least until April. Anji’s probably going overseas before then, and she was like “I might never see you again” – drama queen. And Karen might take an unexpected turn for the worst, or anything. Shit. Again.

But nah, it’ll be cool. Okay, Puter’s going into a box now. Say Bye Bye!

See you AFTER.

PS would you be scared to learn you’re being watched from afar?

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